What do you think?
Rate this book
Ігноруйте
Як дати раду незмінним супутникам батьківства ниттю, рюмсанню та вередуванню? Одна з провідних американських експерток з виховання, докторка Кетрін Перлман має просте та революційне рішення: ігнорувати їх!
«Ігноруйте!» базується на процесі виховання дітей, що базується на чотирьох етапах. Поєднуючи високоефективні стратегії з перевіреними часом підходами, Перлман навчає батьків вдосконалювати поведінку, замість повторювати дії, що не змінюють ситуацію або погіршують її.
«Ігноруйте!» допомагає зрозуміти, як перестати торгуватися, сперечатися та вмовляти дітей, щоб не заохочувати примхи. Ця книжка навчить уникати боротьби за владу, не використовувати увагу як винагороду за неправильну поведінку, використовувати ефективні методи коригування поведінки, щоб знизити частоту або усунути проблеми поведінки. «Ігноруйте!» справжній посібник для знесилених батьків. Це повна мудрості, підказок, сценаріїв і заохочення програма батьківства, яка поверне радість виховання.
«Ігноруйте!» базується на процесі виховання дітей, що базується на чотирьох етапах. Поєднуючи високоефективні стратегії з перевіреними часом підходами, Перлман навчає батьків вдосконалювати поведінку, замість повторювати дії, що не змінюють ситуацію або погіршують її.
«Ігноруйте!» допомагає зрозуміти, як перестати торгуватися, сперечатися та вмовляти дітей, щоб не заохочувати примхи. Ця книжка навчить уникати боротьби за владу, не використовувати увагу як винагороду за неправильну поведінку, використовувати ефективні методи коригування поведінки, щоб знизити частоту або усунути проблеми поведінки. «Ігноруйте!» справжній посібник для знесилених батьків. Це повна мудрості, підказок, сценаріїв і заохочення програма батьківства, яка поверне радість виховання.
240 pages, Hardcover
Published January 1, 2018
142 people are currently reading
1469 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 162 reviews
August 10, 2017
Yes, she's my wife. Yes, she's fantastic. But here's the thing: The wisdom in this book works. I'm witness to it. Every. Single. Day. The Family Coach knows her stuff, and will change the dynamics in your house for the better. I promise.
September 5, 2018
Things I enjoyed about this book:
I truly enjoy when someone, in this case Catherine, gives me the go-ahead to "ignore" my children's behavior. Re-read that and reminder I said ignore the behavior not ignore my children. I thought this book had some great points and reminders that we don't need to over parent our children. Sometimes the best solution is to ignore them.
The Things I Didn’t Enjoy:
Like most parenting books, this one contained a lot of fluff and because I was listening to it, I couldn't just skip through the monotonous scenarios. The entire book could have been condensed into 4 chapters.
MRS BIRDS WORDS REVIEW
Catherine Pearlman deserves 3 out of 5 bird feathers for her book Ignore it. We live in a society where children are over parented and we feel as if we need to because most parenting books tell us we need to. This is why I did enjoy this one, it's okay to ignore some of our children's behavior. One of my biggest downfalls as a parent is that I talk too much. If I could say less and do this more often I would avoid a lot of uanessacry battles. I'd recommend this as a quick listen or read through. It had some great pointers and refreshers!
Parent’s Guide:
This is a literal parent's guide, you'll be fine.
I truly enjoy when someone, in this case Catherine, gives me the go-ahead to "ignore" my children's behavior. Re-read that and reminder I said ignore the behavior not ignore my children. I thought this book had some great points and reminders that we don't need to over parent our children. Sometimes the best solution is to ignore them.
The Things I Didn’t Enjoy:
Like most parenting books, this one contained a lot of fluff and because I was listening to it, I couldn't just skip through the monotonous scenarios. The entire book could have been condensed into 4 chapters.
MRS BIRDS WORDS REVIEW
Catherine Pearlman deserves 3 out of 5 bird feathers for her book Ignore it. We live in a society where children are over parented and we feel as if we need to because most parenting books tell us we need to. This is why I did enjoy this one, it's okay to ignore some of our children's behavior. One of my biggest downfalls as a parent is that I talk too much. If I could say less and do this more often I would avoid a lot of uanessacry battles. I'd recommend this as a quick listen or read through. It had some great pointers and refreshers!
Parent’s Guide:
This is a literal parent's guide, you'll be fine.
August 24, 2018
** edited**
It wasn’t the Louvre, but the Eiffel Tower. Holy Hell. So grateful I read this before we left.
I’ve been really good at ignoring behaviors and praising the good the last few months but I had some specific questions, especially since we’ve been doing so much public parenting. This book is the best. On a two hour flight I read most of the book and charted out the events that led to undesirable behavior, the behavior, and the result so I could clearly see when things were unraveling and what I was doing right & wrong to shut down the crappy behaviors of the kids. Turns out I wasn’t ignoring them enough. Ha! Best news ever. Fingers crossed some people’s children don’t get thrown out of the Louvre this week...
It wasn’t the Louvre, but the Eiffel Tower. Holy Hell. So grateful I read this before we left.
I’ve been really good at ignoring behaviors and praising the good the last few months but I had some specific questions, especially since we’ve been doing so much public parenting. This book is the best. On a two hour flight I read most of the book and charted out the events that led to undesirable behavior, the behavior, and the result so I could clearly see when things were unraveling and what I was doing right & wrong to shut down the crappy behaviors of the kids. Turns out I wasn’t ignoring them enough. Ha! Best news ever. Fingers crossed some people’s children don’t get thrown out of the Louvre this week...
March 22, 2024
The fact that we even need a book telling us that we ought not engage with every single annoying behavior that our kids display says something about the state of American child-rearing. But, this is the age of hyper-parenting in which many moms and dads vacillate between slathering our children with undue praise and yelling hysterically at them when they push us too far, so what would have seemed obvious to our grandparents' generation is novel to us.
This book is helpful in that it gives us permission to do something counterintuitive: completely ignore every single attention-seeking behavior we see in our kids. And the best part: it preserves our energy and our sanity so that we enjoy the parenting project more.
You probably don't need to be reminded that surrendering to a whiny preschooler who begs for a toy every time you visit the grocery store will guarantee that obnoxious behavior persists. That's pretty obvious.
Not as obvious are the ways we reinforce unwanted behaviors that don't seem, at first glance, to be attention-seeking in nature. This is where the book helped me.
My one criticism of Ignore It! is that it's clearly written for people who don't read very often. If you're halfway decent at retaining the information you read and don't require several reminders and a list of summarizing bullet-points at the end of each chapter, you may find Ignore It! a bit tedious at times.
That said, Catherine Pearlman is winsome and engaging voice, and I suspect her her parenting strategies will be helpful to any 21st century parent.
This book is helpful in that it gives us permission to do something counterintuitive: completely ignore every single attention-seeking behavior we see in our kids. And the best part: it preserves our energy and our sanity so that we enjoy the parenting project more.
You probably don't need to be reminded that surrendering to a whiny preschooler who begs for a toy every time you visit the grocery store will guarantee that obnoxious behavior persists. That's pretty obvious.
Not as obvious are the ways we reinforce unwanted behaviors that don't seem, at first glance, to be attention-seeking in nature. This is where the book helped me.
My one criticism of Ignore It! is that it's clearly written for people who don't read very often. If you're halfway decent at retaining the information you read and don't require several reminders and a list of summarizing bullet-points at the end of each chapter, you may find Ignore It! a bit tedious at times.
That said, Catherine Pearlman is winsome and engaging voice, and I suspect her her parenting strategies will be helpful to any 21st century parent.
June 19, 2017
I wish I could go back in time to when my kids were toddlers and apply the lessons I learned in this book, it would save me years of suffering! But even now, with two middle schoolers, the lessons I've learned from the book are already working their magic. "Ignore It!" is a quick easy read that I recommend to parents of any age children (as the author says, it's never too late to start applying the philosophies she outlines). The writing is straightforward and clear, the instructions are explained thoroughly, and the anecdotal stories and examples are easy to relate to. Catherine Pearlman is wise, compassionate, encouraging, and hilarious throughout the book. If you put her plan into action, you will see annoying behaviors diminished and there will be greater peace in your home. That's what I've experienced so far in the weeks since I finished the book. And most importantly, if I can spend less time being driven crazy by my kids or fighting with them, I'm able to focus on our relationship and actually enjoy the wonderful people they are.
August 31, 2018
Some useful concepts here, and several I want to apply more mindfully (tracking of bad behavior to see how to best eliminate it, better planning for tough times, listening (while ignoring) and reingaging when the bad behavior is over). However, this book suffers from the same egocentric issue as Baby Wise and other parenting books: "If you follow this program and your child still isn't perfect, look in the mirror, b*tches, you messed up. Be perfect on this program 100% of the time, or your child's behavior will be worse, and your intermittent reinforcement of their bad behavior will make it all your fault." It's kind of like an elimination diet, but for parenting. Elimination diets are not what I believe to be possible, healthy, or realistic, but replacing processed foods with veggies, lean meats, and some fruit will definitely make a difference.
August 8, 2017
This book gave me the freedom to stop engaging with my kids' frustrating and emotionally-draining behaviors, and it WORKED! Less negotiating, fewer meltdowns, and way more enjoyment and satisfaction for everyone. This is a quick, practical, and action-oriented read for parents of toddlers through teenagers. Highly recommend!
July 1, 2023
This was a hard one for me to rate.
I really liked the core principal of the book: ignore the annoying, non-consequential behavior, then re-engage and give attention to more positive behavior.
I think it’s true that we accidentally reinforce negative behavior by giving it more attention. This is something I’ve heard before (ignore the weeds, water the flowers from Simply on Purpose for example). This author gives lots of research for the effectiveness of this strategy and a great explanation of what this can look like.
I really like how the book gives a list of what to ignore but also encouraged you to evaluate your kids, and what “triggers” you as a parent. I really want to try and ignore three things I see in my home from my kids: complaining, potty talk and negotiating, for those interested 😉). I feel like this method is freeing because it makes it so you aren’t just nagging every little thing left and right.
Where this method really breaks down for me though is the idea that it works best if there is no reinforcement of the behavior from anyone. Considering I have three boys close in age and they are all home for the summer—I’m pretty sure they have a great audience for their antics most of the time. I’m hoping that attention/non-attention from me is enough/not enough, but sometimes I felt this book acted like people only parent one kid at a time instead of a circus.
I also wished she would have covered sibling rivalry/relationships as that is my toughest parenting battle a lot of the time.
Lastly, I didn’t always love her tone. She often suggests that kids think they are “winning” when the adult is aggravated/giving negative attention and I don’t think it helps to think of my kids as manipulative or that cunning. I think we are wired to want attention, even if it’s less than positive. I’d rather think of this need as more developmental/human than some sneaky game my kid is playing.
I’m going to take a lot of advice from this book and that deserves credit. I’d still recommend this one but obviously I have some feedback and I think that’s pretty normal for most parenting books I read.
I really liked the core principal of the book: ignore the annoying, non-consequential behavior, then re-engage and give attention to more positive behavior.
I think it’s true that we accidentally reinforce negative behavior by giving it more attention. This is something I’ve heard before (ignore the weeds, water the flowers from Simply on Purpose for example). This author gives lots of research for the effectiveness of this strategy and a great explanation of what this can look like.
I really like how the book gives a list of what to ignore but also encouraged you to evaluate your kids, and what “triggers” you as a parent. I really want to try and ignore three things I see in my home from my kids: complaining, potty talk and negotiating, for those interested 😉). I feel like this method is freeing because it makes it so you aren’t just nagging every little thing left and right.
Where this method really breaks down for me though is the idea that it works best if there is no reinforcement of the behavior from anyone. Considering I have three boys close in age and they are all home for the summer—I’m pretty sure they have a great audience for their antics most of the time. I’m hoping that attention/non-attention from me is enough/not enough, but sometimes I felt this book acted like people only parent one kid at a time instead of a circus.
I also wished she would have covered sibling rivalry/relationships as that is my toughest parenting battle a lot of the time.
Lastly, I didn’t always love her tone. She often suggests that kids think they are “winning” when the adult is aggravated/giving negative attention and I don’t think it helps to think of my kids as manipulative or that cunning. I think we are wired to want attention, even if it’s less than positive. I’d rather think of this need as more developmental/human than some sneaky game my kid is playing.
I’m going to take a lot of advice from this book and that deserves credit. I’d still recommend this one but obviously I have some feedback and I think that’s pretty normal for most parenting books I read.
October 4, 2018
This is going to be the book I recommend from now on whenever people ask me about my parenting strategies. I picked up this book thinking, "Hey! That sounds like what I do!" - and I was right! For that reason I didn't get a whole lot out of this other than encouragement to keep on doing what I've been doing, because it's backed by science and experience. My kids are by no means perfect, but they are kind, generous, (mostly) respectful little humans who are fun to be around. I hope it doesn't sound too egotistical to say this, but people do ask me for advice on a fairly regular basis, and what I recommend is usually some variation on Pearlman's "Ignore It!" method. Mostly it's about consistency, calmness, and picking your battles, and this book lays it all out in a very straightforward, easy-to-implement fashion. I saw so much of my own family in the anecdotes and was reminded of ways that I could implement Ignore It! in areas I hadn't yet addressed. I also love that she addresses the areas in which this method is NOT appropriate, and when you need to seek professional help. Being able to tell the difference is important! Anyway - overall, HIGHLY recommended. If you feel like your kids are out of control and you're not having fun parenting, this is a game-changer.
August 15, 2021
While there may be some good advice in this book, it was possibly one of the worst “parenting” books I’ve read (and I’ve read a lot!). The author didn’t share anything about children’s development and operates on the premise that children sole goal is to manipulate parents - I don’t agree with that basic premise and think it is damaging. Perhaps she just didn’t communicate the whole picture, but there are sooo many better books out there that help you with parenting tools AND understanding children. It also doesn’t factor in that parents are not perfectly able to have their world revolve around one child. Often she states, this is difficult for an adult but just do it and the rewards are worth it. I don’t think that is a very sustainable parenting solution.
July 20, 2017
With her direct and relatable style (and a measure of good humor), in this book Dr. Pearlman tackles the stressful behavioral problems that parents of kids of all ages face on a daily basis with her sensible and refreshing Ignore It! approach. The book reads as if your "smartest and most supportive best friend" is giving you this advice, and is filled with useful and easy to follow tools and examples. I will be recommending this book to parents of littles, parents of tweens and teens, and even grandparents (who will nod their heads in knowing agreement!).
August 8, 2018
As with many parenting books, I didn't finish this one. It frequently happens that whatever problem at home I'm trying to manage is over before I've even finished the book, and I like dabbling in different parenting techniques to find what works for our family. The book is well written and has lots of great examples and felt like good old fashioned parenting to me. I might turn back to this book again one day when I need some inspiration.
dnf
April 14, 2024I'm not going to invest the time to finish this. First off, I don't feel like I need it. Giving in to my kids' tantrums or doing anything to stop their crying isn't a problem I feel like I deal with very often. On top of that, I think my parenting views differ from the author's (it feels like the subscribe to the "kids are just misbehaving for attention" idea, which I'm not sure I buy and even if that is true sometimes, I don't think it's bad for kids to be seeking attention). I don't know the nuances of the author's views because I'm not finishing the book, but I was getting annoyed with it so why finish?
June 15, 2020
I learned a lot from this book. The slightly disappointing realization is that I'm already pretty good at ignoring; the most troublesome behaviors with my kids right now are the ones that she recommends not ignoring. Instead I think I need to implement some rewards to create new habits and be better at enforcing consequences for bad choices I can't ignore. The book does give some good suggestions for how to do that, but it's going to be a bit of work. I would recommend this book for anyone who has a toddler; I wish I'd figured out a lot of this stuff when Kevin was two.
January 17, 2024
The title makes you think this book is for toddlers but I don’t have toddlers. My kids are 18, 12, and 7 yet I was able to take away several nuggets from this book. Yes there were some loopholes that weren’t covered but I’ve already put some things in place with the child who made me want to read this book and seen some benefits. Definitely worth a read if you have a child that pushes your buttons
November 15, 2017
Turns out I've been doing something right and that I was already aware of deficiencies in my parenting. There were lots of moments of "Yep, guilty as charged." The most intimidating take-away is that for however long undesirable behaviors have been accepted/tolerated, you can expect it to take at least that long for real change to happen. *sigh*
January 7, 2020
Lots of helpful ideas on dealing with problematic behaviors. I wish there were more tips for adapting some of the techniques for dealing with multiple kids at once because that is the one thing I’m finding hard to implement (it feels useless to ignore when one of the other kids is giving the bad behavior attention). One on one I have been seeing great results.
December 23, 2024
Excellent parenting book! I’d already heard the basic idea of ignoring things like temper tantrums and tried to do that, but this book helped so much in what to ignore, how to actually do it, and what results to expect. It also gave many specific examples of various situations, like what to do if your child has a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store. It was very practical, and I have noticed a drastic decrease in the number of undesirable behaviors from our kids after trying to implement it.
July 2, 2021
I thought it had some good information that was widely applicable. It did seem a tad repetitive but such is life. I thought her points about time-outs were wise. I have noticed, with E., that she thrives on attention. I also thought her point regarding exercise was worth trying.
She promised upcoming information about children with ADHD and other disorders several times, but it never showed up in the detail that I wanted.
I was reminded, though, of something that happened to me. I complained to my mother once, about a boy in my class who spent way too much time diverting any attention he could capture. My mom wisely commented (because she knew something of the family) that he didn't get enough attention at home. And, looking back, I would say that she was right. I think that this might have also been worth addressing--- especially in the sections regarding teaching.
She promised upcoming information about children with ADHD and other disorders several times, but it never showed up in the detail that I wanted.
I was reminded, though, of something that happened to me. I complained to my mother once, about a boy in my class who spent way too much time diverting any attention he could capture. My mom wisely commented (because she knew something of the family) that he didn't get enough attention at home. And, looking back, I would say that she was right. I think that this might have also been worth addressing--- especially in the sections regarding teaching.
did-not-finish
August 31, 2018I really wanted to read this, but my library only has the audiobook edition, and I just can't get into parenting books unless I read the actual words myself. For now, I'm not going to finish it.
February 1, 2019
Short read, but packed full of helpful information. Now I just need to get my husband to read it so we can be on the same page.
June 24, 2019
I think the book has some really good ideas. Especially with kids on high alert during the summer, it will be good to test some of these ideas out!
December 19, 2019
This book has a lot of really good points and ideas to implement in your parenting strategies. All of the stories and real life examples made reading it easy and more enjoyable. The strategies harder to employ in real life 😂
September 7, 2020
Very logical, straight forward, doable, and it is working so far!
January 10, 2021
A simplified, more concise presentation of the principles found in both "The Incredible Years" and "Parenting with Love and Logic" books.
December 27, 2021
Any parenting book that insists it always works kinda rubs me the wrong way, so I didn't love this one. This book has some good suggestions, but in my experience, it is too hard to implement this method to make it successful unless your kids are pretty easy to begin with. I actually found the chapter on consequences to be the most beneficial.
September 25, 2018
Really like the ideas here.
April 17, 2019
I’ve heard a lot of this information before, but it was helpful to go over it again and make a plan of how to implement it with my kids. This approach seems to be super effective!
January 16, 2023
This book was fine, but, like, obvious stuff. For about 5 minutes, I was like, "Oh yeah! I can just ignore my child's begging. Good reminder!" It's easy, as a parent, to accidentally engage with negotiating children, so it was a good reminder. Then the book went on and on and on with obvious stuff.
July 18, 2022
Edit: one sucky unintentional side effect of this technique is that—as with all parenting—your kids end up copying you. At least mine have. E.g. sister overreacts to something brother did, and brother doesn’t react or acknowledge her crying at all. I wonder, “Where is his empathy??” But then I have to consider that if I want him to validate others’ feelings then he has to see me doing it—even when it’s a whiny, dramatic overreaction and deserves to be ignored. How do you raise kids that aren’t whiners but still have compassion for others?
~~~~~~~~~~~
Turns out this parenting technique actually comes pretty naturally to me. It was still helpful to read, particularly the breakdown of what behaviors should be ignored (annoying, attention-seeking bad behavior) and—this was a good reminder for me—what behaviors absolutely should not be ignored (e.g. good behavior, sneakiness, inherently rewarding bad behavior, ignoring of parental directives).
I did disagree with the time-out chapter. No matter how much the author claimed that time-outs aren’t punishment, her explanation of how to implement her version of time-out still just felt like a reactionary one-size-fits-all punishment. Sure, her version sounds better than the bad examples she gave, but I just feel like there’s an even better way to discipline (I.e. relationship, whole-brain based a la “No Drama Discipline”).
I have some real issues with the cynical analysis the book gives of some of the example children. Take this passage for instance: “[His mom] rewards his missing the bus with a comfortable, chauffeured drive to school. Why should [the son] get his act together when his mother is doing it for him? Plus, as an added bonus, he is seeing his mother run around the house like a pit bull chasing its tail. The vision makes him laugh.”
“The vision makes him laugh”?! The first time a case study was presented in that manner, I caught myself thinking, “What an evil child.” But after several similar examples, I think it’s probably just the author trying to joke, but it comes across as jaded. I just don’t think most kids are that sadistic or deliberately manipulative.
All in all, it’s a useful technique that solves a very particular subset of parenting problems.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Turns out this parenting technique actually comes pretty naturally to me. It was still helpful to read, particularly the breakdown of what behaviors should be ignored (annoying, attention-seeking bad behavior) and—this was a good reminder for me—what behaviors absolutely should not be ignored (e.g. good behavior, sneakiness, inherently rewarding bad behavior, ignoring of parental directives).
I did disagree with the time-out chapter. No matter how much the author claimed that time-outs aren’t punishment, her explanation of how to implement her version of time-out still just felt like a reactionary one-size-fits-all punishment. Sure, her version sounds better than the bad examples she gave, but I just feel like there’s an even better way to discipline (I.e. relationship, whole-brain based a la “No Drama Discipline”).
I have some real issues with the cynical analysis the book gives of some of the example children. Take this passage for instance: “[His mom] rewards his missing the bus with a comfortable, chauffeured drive to school. Why should [the son] get his act together when his mother is doing it for him? Plus, as an added bonus, he is seeing his mother run around the house like a pit bull chasing its tail. The vision makes him laugh.”
“The vision makes him laugh”?! The first time a case study was presented in that manner, I caught myself thinking, “What an evil child.” But after several similar examples, I think it’s probably just the author trying to joke, but it comes across as jaded. I just don’t think most kids are that sadistic or deliberately manipulative.
All in all, it’s a useful technique that solves a very particular subset of parenting problems.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 162 reviews