Affetmek Üzerine

by Edward M. Hallowell

In a book that gets more timely by the day, bestselling author Ned Hallowell shows that forgiveness is strengthand also that its essential to living a healthy, happy life. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness but of strength. Its also healthy, brave, contagious and sets you free. In this book, Dr. Hallowell not only explains why forgiveness is one of the best things you can do to heal your body and mind; he also offers a practical, four-part plan for achieving it. True stories illustrate the power of forgiveness in real lives, from a wife who forgives the hurtful words of her husband to a mother who forgives the man who kidnapped and murdered her daughter.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Personal Development, Health, Adhd, Relationships

Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

About the author

Edward (Ned) Hallowell, M.D., is a child and adult psychiatrist, a NY Times bestselling author, a world-renowned speaker and a leading authority in the field of ADHD. He has authored twenty books including the 1994 ground-breaking New York Times best-seller on ADHD, Driven to Distraction. In aggregate, Dr. Hallowell's books have sold more than 2 million copies on various psychological topics including how to: raise children into happy adults, manage worry, develop focus, forgiveness, connecting on a deeper level and how to inspire the best from employees. His most recent book was his Memoir, Because I Come From A Crazy Family The Making Of A Psychiatrist. His next book, ADHD 2.0 releases on January 12, 2021. Pre-order your copy today.

He is the host of “Distraction,” a weekly podcast that offers insights, strategies and tactics for coping and thriving in this crazy-busy, 24/7 over-connected modern world.

Reviews

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me to understand how I can, and need to, forgive others who have truly purposely hurt me, while not accepting what they did as okay.

[Sally · Rating 5 out of 5]

A practical and helpful book; the author doesn't approach the subject facilely, or present it as something one can accomplish mechanically by following a particular system. I got useful insights from it. It is the best book about forgiveness I have read.

[asude · Rating 4 out of 5]

güzeldi ama biraz uzatıldığını düşünüyorum

[Dr. Michaela Renee Johnson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I like Dr. Hallowell's books on ADD, and other brain disorder, but in all honesty he said in 210 pages what he could have said in less than 50. If you feel so inclined, jump to chapter 5, read that and call it good.

Best takeaway was a quote on forgiveness and another in Latin about action/reaction.

[Kelly]

FORGIVENESS IS CHALLENGING BUT WILL EMPOWER ONE TO BE FREE FROM FEELINGS OF ANIMOSITY AND RESENTMENT WHICH ONLY DETER SUCCESS. THE BEST REVENGE IS SUCCESS, SO DO IT FOR YOURSELF AND FORGIVE TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO MOVE ON AND BE THE BEST YOU THAT YOU CAN BE.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this book is really important to read, for everyone. Forgiving is something we all should know how to do but we don't. In fact its probably one of the most difficult things to learn, practice and possibly teach. Great book, well written Loved it.

[Renata · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book helped me with my effort to forgive.

[Sevde Ç. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okurken kendime dönmeme, bastırdığım duygularla yumuşak bir şekilde temas etmeme vesile olan sakin ama etkili bir kitap oldu. Yazar affetmeyi romantize etmiyor; tam tersine, affetmenin çoğu zaman bir “zorlayıcı iyimserlik” değil, derin bir iç yüzleşme ve cesaret gerektiren bir süreç olduğunu çok yalın bir dille anlatıyor.
Kitap boyunca en çok hoşuma giden şey, affetmenin bir başkası için değil, önce kendimiz için olduğunu hatırlatmasıydı. Bunu yaparken de okura baskı kurmadan, “şimdi hazır değilsen de olur” diyerek çok insani bir yerden sesleniyor. Bu yönüyle, affetmeyi bir görev gibi değil, bir iyileşme yolu olarak görsem iyi olur gibi.
Yazarın örneklerle ilerlediği bölümler özellikle güçlüydü. Kişinin kendi kırılganlığıyla yüzleşebilmesinin, duygularını inkar etmeden ilerleyebilmesinin ne kadar önemli olduğunu vurguluyor. Bu bölümler, affetmenin aslında bir hafıza silme ya da unutma değil, kendine şefkatle yaklaşmayı öğrenme hali olduğunu netleştiriyor.
Genel olarak kitap, önemli noktalara değinse de ayrıca yer yer tekrara çok düştüğünü hissettim. Bazı bölümler aynı düşünceleri farklı cümlelerle yeniden anlatıyordu ve bu durum okuma akışını zaman zaman bozdu. Ayrıca yazarın affetmeyi anlatırken yer yer “insanı kusursuz ve sınırsız bir sabır haline sokma” eğilimi, bende hafif bir “evliya olmamız bekleniyor” hissi yarattı. Değerli içgörüler sunsa da bazı kısımlar sinir bozucu bir idealizm taşıyordu. Bu yüzden kitabı 3/5 olarak değerlendirdim. Buna rağmen affetme kavramını farklı açılardan düşünmek iyi hissettirmedi değil.

[sleepycat · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is written by a Psychiatrist who experienced a painful childhood. His father had schizophrenia, and his mother struggled with alcoholism. In addition, growing up in a family of conflict deeply impacted him and ultimately inspired him to write this book.

The central theme of the book is forgiveness—as a way to free oneself from anger by understanding the reasons behind it. The author emphasizes the importance of forgiving not only others but also oneself. He shares personal stories, as well as anecdotes from his patients, some of which are particularly compelling.

However, I feel the book lacks depth. Many chapters seem repetitive, reiterating why forgiveness is important without exploring new perspectives. The key takeaways can be summarized as follows:
• Why forgiveness is necessary and how it doesn’t require acceptance
• Suggested steps to practice forgiveness
• Stories illustrating these concepts

While the book touches on forgiveness, it doesn’t delve into the complexities of balancing forgiveness with standing up for oneself—such as through nonviolent resistance or advocating for justice. It stays within the framework of forgiveness, similar to Buddhist teachings. The stories are inspiring and touching but don’t explore the topic in great depth.

Overall, it’s a short and easy read, but it doesn’t offer substantial insights. However, the honesty and sincerity of the writing make it somewhat impactful. I would rate it 3/5.

[Jennifer]

Read 55 out of 258 pages.

I had to give up on this book. I was looking for help healing from a traumatic betrayal and looking for a psychological perspective on forgiveness. I was hoping for counsel for those who had already chosen to forgive and wanted to move forward, and possibly help for dealing with betrayal trauma caused by triggers (which does not mean that forgiveness hasn't taken place).

This book is none of that. The author spends the first 50 pages trying to convince readers that they need to make the choice to forgive (thus the title) and why it's better for their health. After 50 pages of the same argument, I realized this wasn't the book for me regarding my specific concerns.

I realize that later in the book, the author goes into the how-to's and gives specific examples, but he also continues to try to convince readers to not harbor revenge and to forgive instead. It seems to be overly redundant.

[Amy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Lost me 14% through. “When we forgive, we may continue to feel anger and resentment”. “But forgiveness does not require that you cease to feel the anger and resentment”

See Oxford/Google dictionary meaning of forgiveness. Verb - stop feeling angry or resentful towards someone for an offence, flaw or mistake. Contradictory.

This one didn't vibe with me. But I do hope it helps someone else.

[Michele · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like others, I agree it could be further edited but the concepts were solid.
Forgiveness is a strength and not a weakness.
Harboring anger and resentment is a form of chronic/toxic stress.
I’ll have to remember these concepts while driving in traffic lol

[Hòa Phạm · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hãy biết tha thứ cho mọi lỗi lầm để có 1 tấm lòng bao dung và rộng mở.

[Tran Van Duc · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dám tha thứ cũng là 01 nghệ thuật, 01 kỹ năng mềm cần phải rèn luyện rất nhiều trong một xã hội với nhiều mối quan hệ phức tạp.
Sách khá đơn giản, cụ thể, nhưng ko dễ áp dụng trong ngắn hạn

[Paula J · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Antonella Carovana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mi libro favorito del 2021... Leo y releo, gracias por tan arduo trabajo!

[Ahmad Muhammad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Literally the best novel I read!! 💖

[Adeola ♡ · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stars. Insightful overall but gets a bit repetitive/ the book probably doesn't need to be as long as it is

[Vu Phong · Rating 3 out of 5]

3,5*

[Minh Quân · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cuốn này không để lại cho mình nhiều ấn tượng lắm, chỉ là mình thấy cần đọc gì đó về tha thứ trong những ngày này.

[Thankful Reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Forgiving is letting go of anger and resentment." This sentence resonates with me and sums up the whole book. The author spoke about forgiveness as a journey and not a destination. At one point, he admitted that forgiveness, though we might try for years, ultimately, fails at times. My other favorite quote, “Forgiveness is not turning the other cheek. Forgiveness is not running away. Forgiveness does not mean that you condone what the person has done, nor does it mean that you invite them to do it again. It does not mean that you forget the offense, nor does it mean that by forgiving you tacitly invite bad things to happen again. It doesn't mean that you won't defend yourself.” This sentence sums up what I have always believed about forgiveness, but never had affirmed. I will revisit this book repeatedly.

[Rusty · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be very very good. It was an amazing read and kept my interest. I found the suggestions on how to let go and forgive someone very useful. I enjoyed that the author shared some of his own experiences with forgiveness in the book.

Anyone looking for a book on understanding why it's important to forgive someone, should read this book. I would recommend it.

[Fonny Jodikin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is fabulous. All I want to try is forgiving others now since the book suggests to do so. The person who forgives would benefit the most from the forgiveness act itself. Fantastic book!

[Valerie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was well written and easy to read. It really did help me to move on from some old stuff.
I highly recommend it.