Shame Factor: Heal Your Deepest Fears and Set Yourself Free

by Stephan B. Poulter

A popular clinical psychologist explores an often misunderstood and unrecognized emotion that's the root cause of many self-defeating and harmful behaviors.

Emotional paralysis, a distorted view of self, a feeling of being a fraud, lack of trust in others, fear of criticism resulting in underdeveloped talents, and a chronic sense of being worthless, invisible, or disposable--these are typical symptoms of shame. In this book, psychologist Stephan B. Poulter delves into this "primary emotional wound." Distinguishing it from commonplace guilt over a particular moral failing, he describes this toxic emotion as a pervasive but largely unrecognized "emotional cancer," with the power of undermining many aspects of life.

Dr. Poulter guides the reader through exercises that teach one to expose this "big secret" and to recognize the triggers in daily life that arouse fears and other negative emotions. Beyond these first steps, he shows how we can continue the healing process of self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, empathy, and a new sense of inner well-being.

Based on thirty years of experience with patients of all ages and from many walks of life, this is a book full of insight and understanding, one that can help most of us discover and realize our full potentials.

Genres: Psychology

400 pages, Paperback

Published June 25, 2019

Reviews

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read for Myshelf.com. different prospective on how a feeling of shame can affect one's life

[Cecilia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life changing. Highly recommend!

This is about how (the author believes) shame is an integral and overlooked part of many problems/conditions like anxiety, depression, addiction, self harm, etc., and that healing your core shame is an important step in your healing and growth process.

I started crying on page 35.

I picked up this book at the right time in my life, after so much other healing work. I feel different now; I am different. It’s still new, and so hard to explain but I really don’t feel this all-encompassing shame anymore. I’m still exploring what that changes in my life.


Note: It would seriously benefit from basic editing.

[ej · Rating 3 out of 5]

about a 3.5 but personally can’t round it up to four stars, definitely some good insight but very repetitive to the point of pointlessness sometimes, i usually don’t mind editing errors but the book was filled with them n it got a bit distracting, feel like the chapters often could’ve been halved, maybe i don’t like it cause i couldnt read it as quickly/often as i usually would’ve cause of school but idk, was a bit of a slow/redundant one from the beginning

[Candy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this in galley ... Poulter reminds us that change comes from within, and we need to be responsible for our own lives.

[CeeCee Brewer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book does a good job of differentiating the difference between shame and guilt. The author discusses the different cycles of shame and goes deeper when discussing the relationship with shame and addiction. I love how he adds yes and no questions in the book to allow the reader to evaluate their shame and how it plays a role in their lives. The author states that the anecdote to shame is acceptance. He states that one cannot have both shame and acceptance. It teaches concepts about implementing emotional boundaries and enmeshment. It is written to where anyone that reads it can understand it. I highly recommend this book if anyone is dealing with shame or feelings of guilt. It's an eye opener!

[Aaron Gruenthal · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book has some very interesting ideas and I think it’s worth a read. My main issue was the writing style. It meanders and is overly self-referential (e.g., “this will be discussed in more detail in chapter three”). There were a ton of typos and mistakes. Finally, it was very unscientific—which is fine, but in this case I wasn’t compelled by every part of the authors message because it felt so disorganized and repetitive.

Overall it did help me rethink my relationship to shame, and how that played into my upbringing, which is hugely valuable.

[Janet Chui · Rating 5 out of 5]

Worth the time to read. I borrowed it from the library but will be purchasing a copy so as to complete the exercises. Internal Family Systems (a modality I've been interested in) strangely pops up kinda late in the book. I was surprised to see lots of quotes from self-help/spirituality authors I've read before (not necessarily a merit), but this book stays factual, practical, and encouraging. I wish more books tackled this topic head on like this one.

[David Nettey · Rating 4 out of 5]

A recc from my therapist that very much placed a lot of issues in my head under a bright light to be examined.

[Suzanne Hess · Rating 3 out of 5]

Incredibly insightful and helpful. Filled with commonplace book worthy quotations. Thank you for taking time to write this book.