Missing Mothers

by Martha Birkett Bordwell

Six-year-old Martha’s world changes abruptly when her mother dies during childbirth. First she must adjust to having no mother and then, when her father remarries, to a second mother. But she never stops missing her first mother, the mother she struggles to remember. Buoyed by marriage to her college sweetheart, she hopefully anticipates pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood. Infertility leads to another shift in plans. She and her husband enter the unfamiliar landscape of interracial and intercultural adoption. They adopt an infant son from South Korea and a daughter from Guatemala. Martha commits to providing her children with the childhood she didn’t have and to mothering them in ways she can’t remember being mothered. But as the lives of her children unfurl, their individual attitudes toward maternal loss don’t conform to Martha’s experience or expectations. During journeys to Jeju Island off the coast of South Korea to witness her son’s marriage and to Guatemala to vacation and volunteer with her daughter’s Mayan ancestors, Martha begins to uncover new understandings of the ties which bind and restrain her complicated family.

245 pages, Paperback

About the author

Martha Bordwell writes about current events, family life, and travel. The recipient of a PhD from the University of Minnesota, she is a retired psychologist whose academic writing has appeared in professional journals such as Teaching Exceptional Children and Ours Magazine. She has been a featured speaker at Children’s Home Society of Minnesota, speaking on the subject of Korean adoption. Her writing has also appeared in MinnPost and on the opinion pages of the Minneapolis Star Tribune. Missing Mothers is her first book.

Reviews

[Toni Baraga · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Her story is so heart breaking and heart warming at the same time. I cried during the last 50 pages. All mothers should read this.

[Teresa Schweitzer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved reading every page of this book. It made me laugh, cry, reflect, sympathize, empathize, and wonder about Martha's very beautiful, heartwarming and at times lonely and sad journey through life. Even though I don't have children, I have worked with many orphan children, immigrant and refugee children and students of all ages and backgrounds, and Martha's open and beautiful writing about her mom, dad, husband, and her adopted children allowed me to further ponder loss and love in family and human relationships. This book encourages and inspires me to continue trying to be a loving support to all who have unexpectedly lost their parents or children. And although the book deals with serious and intense issues, for me it was also highly entertaining and fun to read. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

[RJ Devick · Rating 5 out of 5]

My wife and I have adopted two children internationally and I was interested in the book as the author and I share common experiences. However, the death of her mother at an early age gives her very deep and personal insights into loss and separation. I believe this book would be enjoyed by most people, but especially those who have adopted. Many adopted parents struggle with the dynamic that the joy and love our children have given us was only possible by loss and separation from their birth family. It comforted me to know that other adoptive parents struggle with the same issues that I do. Martha Bordwell's writing is intimate, very personal and insightful and I highly recommend this book to anyone who has struggled with loss and family relationships.

[Leslie Levine Adler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exquisite book detailing the links that bind us - the attachment relationship to a mother that the author did not have enough time with, to her adopted children and their mothers, to her step-mother and mother-in-law. She deals with the complexity of international adoptions and how the original intentions of opening to include another culture can also present some quandaries for the children. Trained as a psychologist, the author reveals her depth of thinking about motherhood and it is a book that is evocative and speaks to all women, I believe. Her writing is beautiful and easily relatable.

[Elisa Stancil Levine · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author's sensitive narrative features ongoing curiosity and a brave willingness to explore difficult questions surrounding adoption, morality, grief and belonging. These themes are explored with respect and balance and gave me space and an invitation to ponder similarities in my experience. I wholeheartedly recommend this book and am grateful to Dr. Bordwell for sharing her insights, her journey, and her heart...

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was completely WOWed by this book! It is a beautiful, genuine, moving, thought-provoking story about motherhood from the point of view of a psychologist who lost her own mother at age six, experiences a complicated bond with her stepmother, and then faces - with great sensitivity and strength - the wonders and challenges of adopting children from South Korea and Guatemala. This book expanded my horizons and deepened my empathy. I highly recommend it to all!

[Meryll Levine Page · Rating 5 out of 5]

I sat down to read this memoir and couldn't get up until hours later when I finished it. You may not have lost your mother at a young age or adopted children, but Martha Bordwell's memoir will resonate with anyone. Her power of expression and her willingness to risk vulnerability make this an unforgettable book.

[Bailey Knopf · Rating 3 out of 5]

had the potential to be sooo sooo good but had a lot of characters and got confusing..

a memoir about a girl who grew up without a mother, was unable to conceive her own children, and adopted two children from other countries. really interesting insight into how adopting children from foreign countries affects them and the parents

[Julie Woods · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very enjoyable book - especially for parents from different walks of life. I really connected to the storyline with her kids as adults and the difficulty to support them when it wasn't quite her vision. She provided clarity on how she managed the situation which is very helpful for parents of older kids. Definitely worth a read.

[Lynda Bordwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This beautifully written memoir begins with a devastating loss of a mother at a very young age. Bordwell weaves her life experiences with infertility, international adoption, and her children's life struggles. I could not put this book down!

[Barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

The story is personal and poignant as the author reviews her own mother’s early death, growing up with a stepmother and the decision she makes as an adult to adopt her children from overseas.

[Sheryl Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deeply touching

I picked up this book to read because of one of its themes is adoption, specifically international adoption. I have three children adopted from Guatemala. What I found in the book was so much more than I expected. There is the expected theme of adoption, but also of various types of parental loss and many stories of overcoming what life throws out. As far as adoption goes, I really appreciate what the author has to say, especially in terms of culture and race. She has given the matters a great deal of thought and conveys them well.