3.5 - 4 stars
The beginning was very promising with its premise, characters, angst, and hurt feelings that I really crave from romance. I was all gun ho for it until I wasn’t. It suddenly petered out for me and lost some of its sparkle for me that had me in the beginning. If there were some tweaks here and there, I think I would have enjoyed it so much better, but from the moment that Pascal and Cecilia got married the story kind of fell flat and felt very rushed with things happening in very quick session when I would have preferred it to be drawn out just a little bit more.
Now to say that I didn’t enjoy this story would be lie because up to a point I was really digging it, mainly with the premise. I loved the setup of how Cecilia and Pascal met and the circumstance of how they got together. It was a little bit different from the usual Present fare, but that was what I liked about it. The fact that Pascal had a serious car accident six years previous where he nearly died and was nursed back to health by Cecilia at the abbey, where she was planning on becoming a nun. They had a night of passion together before he abrupt left leaving Cecilia heartbroken and pregnant. Fast forward six years later, Pascal couldn’t get Cecilia out of his mind and even said she was haunting him and had been for years. He decided that he was going exercise her from his memories by going back to the abbey to confront her only to learn that she had his son. Cue the intensity in the story after that with lots of intense feelings, which created great angst that I was digging. I could feel the hurt. The pain. And just overall tension between the two of them once secrets were revealed and on full display. It caused a lot of great head butting and conflict between them as they tried to figure out how to work out the situation between them, which was good.
Another thing that I really liked in this story were the characters of Cecilia and Pascal. It was easy to see where they were both coming from in this situation when they were reunited again. Lots of hurt, guilt, and pain had to be worked through in order make their way through in the story. I felt really bad for Cecilia and really felt her pain throughout the story because of what she had gone through not only with Pascal, but the fact that she never knew her father, and her mother abandoned her at the abbey at age of three. So already she had a lot going on emotionally before she even met Pascal, but she met Pascal for the first time she had hope, which quickly dashed away when he disappeared without a word, crushing her in the process. I ached for her, and I understood why she felt she didn’t want Pascal in life after he abandoned just like her mother did. I was so glad that she wasn’t doormat, and she pushed back against him to fight for what she believed was right for her son as well for herself, though mostly for her son. She had to deal with all these emotions of dealing with Pascal again, reliving that hurt and pain that he dealt her with all while dealing with her attraction and love for him. it wasn’t an easy ride for her, but she dealt with it as classy as possible.
As for Pascal, I understood why he was upset about not knowing about his son, who was five years old at the point. It brought up great issues he had with his own illegitimacy and related to his son, who was also illegitimate. He vowed never to have children outside of married, but he did, even though he never knew it. His world just blew up when he found out about his son and the fact that Cecilia had lied to him when he believed that she was his angel that saved him all those years. I got why he was angry about that. I get that he wanted to be in his son’s life and would do anything in his power to make that possible. I got that he wanted to be a proper father to his son. He did everything to make that happen even if it wasn’t the correct way of doing things. He did the typical alpha male thing and threw his power around by being threatening and such. I understood why he did what he did even if I didn’t agree with his methods. I liked that he was haunted by Cecilia for years, but not really recognizing what that meant and how important that she was to him all those years ago and how he might have taken the wrong path in life. I liked really seeing that struggle with him as he dealt with her ghost throughout the story until they were reunited again. It felt a little Christmas nod with the Ghost of Christmas past aka Cecilia. I really liked seeing that struggle within him throughout the entire book as he dealt with his denial of feelings for her. That was an enjoyable part of the story.
I did feel that this book had a lot of internal musing goings on instead of just getting to the action or even having more interactions between Cecilia and Pascal or even Pascal and Dante. There was more telling than showing I felt in this story. There were several pages just dedicated to the internal monologues that they would have with themselves whether it was Cecilia trying to process her feelings for him and trying to keep away him or whether he was dealing with the fact she hid his child from him and never being a proper father to him or just why she couldn’t be the one for him. It was a little too much, and it went on for majority of the book. And because there was so much internal dialogue going on it didn’t leave enough room to pace the story between Cecilia and Pascal and their romance especially when they got married. There was just not enough time dedicated to them being a married couple and just felt really rushed. Like they were married, then the slept together, the the L word was uttered before quickly ending with him groveling and stating his love for her. It just felt really rushed and unrealistic because they both seemed to do a 180 in such quick succession, instead of taking the time to pace it so it was a little bit more believable. I think if they showed them more as a married couple and spending more time together and getting more and more emotionally intimate, as well as physically then I think I would have liked the story a little bit better. There needed to be more development on that front than was give where it felt like it was rushing to the finish line. I think less internal monologue was needed and more of them spending time as a couple and falling in love with each other would have been better time to spend in the story.
I think if story was approached in a different way I would felt different. I think if they started the story from the very beginning when they first met, this story would have a very different vibe to it and I would have probably enjoyed it a bit more. I would liked to seen Cecilia nursing Pascal back to health, taking care of him, and just the whole process. That would have been where they first stirring of love could have been shown on both sides. i would have liked to see them get know other and build and intimacy between them as spent more time together. I would loved to see that connection develop over the course of time while he was getting better. Then I would love to seen their first time together when they become full intimate and then aftermath of when he left. I would have like to see that explored a little bit more in detail then flash forward to the present when six years passed, and they reunite once more. Now I get why Caitlin Crews started where she did, and how she didn’t want to have that much expanse of time to go by before they were reunited and wanted to get to the point a little sooner, but I would have liked to seen more of the past interactions in details even if it was told in flashbacks I think that would have made a stronger story for me. The past was touched on, but it was more in a summary way rather than a detailed way, and I wanted the detailed way. It would have made it stronger and made the connection more believable to me. I think I just needed that to be behind their relationship.
The fact that they really had only one physically intimate scene and then no really emotionally intimate scenes really made hard to see their relationship develop and grow over the course of the book. I didn’t see them get closer to each other after they reunited, but more it was about them fighting for their son more than anything else. Yes, there was spark and attraction still between them, but not meeting of the minds really. There was no tender moments between them nor anything really romantic happen between them, and I really needed to see those type of moments on the page to be totally behind that romance. I just needed to feel more of the love story aspect in the story than I actually felt. It couldn’t be about the past, which was barely even shown or scratched the surface. There needed to be more shown than actually was.
I also wish there more moments between the father and son. There was barely any interaction between them, or when there was it was just a sentence or two. I knew Pascal loved Dante, but I wanted to see it on the page. I wanted to feel it. The plot line of him wanting to be a father was such a big deal, but then when the time came there were no really scenes with him being an actual father or bonding with his son.
Another thing was none of the emotional issues were really dealt with in this story except in a surface way. There were so many intense feelings at the beginning of the story then kind of brushed to the side. For example, Cecilia’s abandonment issue. Pascal and Cecilia never really discuss it, nor did she tell him so he would understand what his abandonment did her when he disappeared all those years ago and why it was such a sensitive subject for her. i don’t think he took the time to understand what she went through all those years ago. They never really have an open, honest line of communication in the story where they could be vulnerable with each other and feel safe doing so because they had that love and trust between them. They needed to build that bridge between them, and they just really didn’t and as said before fast forward to the ending. There just needed be more of building that connection brought into the story.
This wasn’t a horrible, but I think there needed to be more scenes fo Pascal and Cecilia building a relationship and developing intimacy between them because there was really none in the story. I loved the angst in the story. i loved the intense emotions like pain, hurt, guilt, and tension in the story, which was done really well I thought. It created great conflict between them with sparks flying between them as they fought one another for control. It was intense at time, which I loved. The setup was really great and enjoyable. The potential was there for a really epic love, but it wasn’t there because of the lack of intimate scenes between them and the couple building moments and there was just way too much internal dialogue on both sides. I wanted to get more into the nitty gritty and more into the action of the romance. I wanted more romantic moments and tender scenes between them in order to build that loving and intimate relationship that would make it believable for an epic love story. I wanted an epic love story, and I just didn’t get it in this one.