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Love Me Whole
Length: 13 hrs and 27 mins
Twenty-eight-year-old Oryn Patterson isn’t like other people. Being an extremely shy, social introvert is only part of the problem. Oryn has dissociative identity disorder. He may look like a normal man on the outside, but spend five minutes with him, and his daily struggles begin to show.
Oryn shares his life and headspace with five distinctively different alters. Reed, a protective, very straight jock. Cohen, a flamboyantly gay nineteen-year-old who is a social butterfly. Cove, a self-destructive terror, whose past haunts him. Theo, an asexual man of little emotion, whose focus is on maintaining order. And Rain, a five-year-old child whose only concern is Batman.
Vaughn Sinclair is stuck in a rut. When his job doesn’t offer the same thrill it once did, he decides it’s time to mix-up his stagnant, boring routine. Little does he know, the man he meets during an impromptu decision to return to college is anything but ordinary.
Vaughn’s heart defies logic, and he finds himself falling in love with this strange new man. But how can you love someone who isn’t always themself? It may not be easy, but Vaughn is determined to try.
Twenty-eight-year-old Oryn Patterson isn’t like other people. Being an extremely shy, social introvert is only part of the problem. Oryn has dissociative identity disorder. He may look like a normal man on the outside, but spend five minutes with him, and his daily struggles begin to show.
Oryn shares his life and headspace with five distinctively different alters. Reed, a protective, very straight jock. Cohen, a flamboyantly gay nineteen-year-old who is a social butterfly. Cove, a self-destructive terror, whose past haunts him. Theo, an asexual man of little emotion, whose focus is on maintaining order. And Rain, a five-year-old child whose only concern is Batman.
Vaughn Sinclair is stuck in a rut. When his job doesn’t offer the same thrill it once did, he decides it’s time to mix-up his stagnant, boring routine. Little does he know, the man he meets during an impromptu decision to return to college is anything but ordinary.
Vaughn’s heart defies logic, and he finds himself falling in love with this strange new man. But how can you love someone who isn’t always themself? It may not be easy, but Vaughn is determined to try.
14 pages, Audiobook
First published January 12, 2018
596 people are currently reading
6227 people want to read
About the author
Nicky James
75 books2,248 followersI live in the small town of Petrolia, Ontario, Canada and I am a mother to a wonderful teenage boy (didn't think those words could be typed together...surprise) and wife to a truly supportive and understanding husband, who thankfully doesn't think I'm crazy.
I have always had two profound dreams in life. To fall back hundreds of years in time and live in a simpler world, not bogged down by technology and to write novels. Since only one of these was a possibility I decided to make the other come alive on paper.
I write mm romance novels that take place in fantastical medieval type settings and love to use the challenges of the times to give my stories and characters life.
I have always had two profound dreams in life. To fall back hundreds of years in time and live in a simpler world, not bogged down by technology and to write novels. Since only one of these was a possibility I decided to make the other come alive on paper.
I write mm romance novels that take place in fantastical medieval type settings and love to use the challenges of the times to give my stories and characters life.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,280 reviews
April 27, 2018
This is one of the most moving and extraordinary romance novels I've ever read. Love Me Whole is a testament to the tenacity of the human spirit and the most selfless, abiding kind of love.
When Vaughn asks the withdrawn, painfully shy man in his marketing class to be his partner, he has no way of knowing he'll fall in love, not just with Oryn, but with Cohen too. Vaughn doesn't expect to have a war of wills with Reed, stop Cove from self-harming, eat Theo's meticulously prepared meals, or babysit Rain.
In this life, the life outside the system of his mind, Oryn has one body (the host), but he is not one self.
ORYN is a man broken apart by a horrifying past, a childhood so traumatic the only way to survive was to create another self (or alter) to take the abuse so Oryn could go on.
He is COHEN: cheerful, flirtatious, outgoing, living in the moment. Cohen will always be 19; he is Oryn's sexual, social self, the self who likes meeting new people, and longs to be touched and cuddled.
He is REED: the protector, the one who's angry, who doesn't trust. Reed steps in when Oryn gets stressed or scared.
He is THEO, the caretaker who cleans and cooks and deals with the logistics of daily adult life. Theo is one of Oryn's earliest alters; he's the most like Oryn except much more confident.
He is 5-year-old RAIN, who loves Batman and dinosaurs. Rain is innocent and free; he is the child Oryn never was.
And he is COVE: the self who holds all the bad memories, the self who considers himself a flaw, the one who drinks and smokes and harms. Cove is the self Oryn hates.
Oryn has disassociative personality disorder (DID), once referred to as multiple personality disorder. He loses large chunks of time, and talks differently, dresses uniquely, and has distinct quirks, facial expressions, and talents depending on which alter is "fronting" (taking control of Oryn's body).
Vaughn is the first-person narrator of this story. We feel Vaughn's confusion, his guilt, and devotion. I am not even a fraction of the person Vaughn is. I can barely handle a partner's mood swings, much less deal with never knowing which self will come forth. But Vaughn is an amazing man: steady, patient, and incredibly kind.
Vaughn and Oryn go on a date to a museum, only to have five-year-old Rain show up and start bouncing up and down in excitement. When Vaughn tries to kiss Oryn, he has to confront furious Reed, who's straight and wants nothing to do with Vaughn. Oryn can't handle intimacy, but Cohen can and stirs a hunger in Vaughn that makes him feel ashamed (if he sleeps with Cohen, is he cheating on Oryn?).
Some authors can't manage to sketch two distinct main characters, so it's truly astonishing how complex and separate Oryn's identities are. Not once did I confuse them, not once did I doubt.
Like Vaughn, I fell in love with all of Oryn's selves. If Oryn allows every alter to have a voice, they can work in harmony.
Oryn has no memories of his life before age 16, and Cove will take those memories to the grave. There is no on-page abuse or any descriptions of past trauma. We don't know exactly what happened to Oryn, but we can imagine.
The most raw and painful scenes involve Cove, who carries an unbearable burden and longs to escape the body that has brought him so much hurt. I found it heartbreaking that Oryn fought Cove at every turn, when Cove took all the pain and abuse. Without Cove, Oryn wouldn't be.
The plot is one hundred percent focused on the relationship, with a couple secondary characters, particularly Vaughn's sports-obsessed best friend, Evan, and Vaughn's well-intentioned but slightly bewildered parents, making an appearance.
This is a hefty book (over 7,000 Kindle locations), but don't let the length put you off. I blinked and realized I was at 80 percent. I could have read this book forever.
Against all odds, Love Me Whole has a beautiful HEA. Oryn will never be "normal," but Vaughn loves all the parts of him: I love you whole.
Everyone should read this book. Everyone.
When Vaughn asks the withdrawn, painfully shy man in his marketing class to be his partner, he has no way of knowing he'll fall in love, not just with Oryn, but with Cohen too. Vaughn doesn't expect to have a war of wills with Reed, stop Cove from self-harming, eat Theo's meticulously prepared meals, or babysit Rain.
In this life, the life outside the system of his mind, Oryn has one body (the host), but he is not one self.
ORYN is a man broken apart by a horrifying past, a childhood so traumatic the only way to survive was to create another self (or alter) to take the abuse so Oryn could go on.
He is COHEN: cheerful, flirtatious, outgoing, living in the moment. Cohen will always be 19; he is Oryn's sexual, social self, the self who likes meeting new people, and longs to be touched and cuddled.
He is REED: the protector, the one who's angry, who doesn't trust. Reed steps in when Oryn gets stressed or scared.
He is THEO, the caretaker who cleans and cooks and deals with the logistics of daily adult life. Theo is one of Oryn's earliest alters; he's the most like Oryn except much more confident.
He is 5-year-old RAIN, who loves Batman and dinosaurs. Rain is innocent and free; he is the child Oryn never was.
And he is COVE: the self who holds all the bad memories, the self who considers himself a flaw, the one who drinks and smokes and harms. Cove is the self Oryn hates.
Oryn has disassociative personality disorder (DID), once referred to as multiple personality disorder. He loses large chunks of time, and talks differently, dresses uniquely, and has distinct quirks, facial expressions, and talents depending on which alter is "fronting" (taking control of Oryn's body).
Vaughn is the first-person narrator of this story. We feel Vaughn's confusion, his guilt, and devotion. I am not even a fraction of the person Vaughn is. I can barely handle a partner's mood swings, much less deal with never knowing which self will come forth. But Vaughn is an amazing man: steady, patient, and incredibly kind.
Vaughn and Oryn go on a date to a museum, only to have five-year-old Rain show up and start bouncing up and down in excitement. When Vaughn tries to kiss Oryn, he has to confront furious Reed, who's straight and wants nothing to do with Vaughn. Oryn can't handle intimacy, but Cohen can and stirs a hunger in Vaughn that makes him feel ashamed (if he sleeps with Cohen, is he cheating on Oryn?).
Some authors can't manage to sketch two distinct main characters, so it's truly astonishing how complex and separate Oryn's identities are. Not once did I confuse them, not once did I doubt.
Like Vaughn, I fell in love with all of Oryn's selves. If Oryn allows every alter to have a voice, they can work in harmony.
Oryn has no memories of his life before age 16, and Cove will take those memories to the grave. There is no on-page abuse or any descriptions of past trauma. We don't know exactly what happened to Oryn, but we can imagine.
The most raw and painful scenes involve Cove, who carries an unbearable burden and longs to escape the body that has brought him so much hurt. I found it heartbreaking that Oryn fought Cove at every turn, when Cove took all the pain and abuse. Without Cove, Oryn wouldn't be.
The plot is one hundred percent focused on the relationship, with a couple secondary characters, particularly Vaughn's sports-obsessed best friend, Evan, and Vaughn's well-intentioned but slightly bewildered parents, making an appearance.
This is a hefty book (over 7,000 Kindle locations), but don't let the length put you off. I blinked and realized I was at 80 percent. I could have read this book forever.
Against all odds, Love Me Whole has a beautiful HEA. Oryn will never be "normal," but Vaughn loves all the parts of him: I love you whole.
Everyone should read this book. Everyone.
July 5, 2021
“Thank you,” he said.
“For what?”
“For being so patient with me.”
Although sweet and fluffy around, Love Me Whole doesn't shy away from the reality and hardships individuals with DID go through.
Love Me Whole is generally positive, but the biggest takeaway is the reflection it gave me. Never in my life have I met anyone with DID, also known as Dissociative Identity Disorder (which was previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder), nor did I ever really think about the disorder as a whole. Its causes and symptoms were ever so rare to me, and I hardly tried putting myself in the shoes of people with DID. Nicky James manages to capture the reader's attention from the moment we meet Oryn because of how misjudged he is. Presented and described as a socially anxious introvert, Oryn's life is shared with 5 other people. Living with DID has caused people to judge him for the way he looks and acts, and it gets you reflecting on what his life is like.
His other personalities, known as alters, are Reed, a straight jock, who serves as the protector of the world; Cohen, a gay nineteen-year-old who is bubbly and a social butterfly; Theo, who is asexual and serves as the organizer of the system; Cove, who serves as a protector as well, but unlike Reed, Cove carries the past trauma; and Rain, a five-year-old who's obsessed with Batman. Each personality is different in every way and has a different purpose in Oryn's life, and they all represent a part of Oryn. I knew (and still know) very little about DID, and I strongly believe this gave me new knowledge. Something Oryn brings up to Vaughn's attention is telling him that DID represents in the media is very inaccurate, in which I'd have to agree. Constantly, films depict such disorders as exaggerated and dramatic, giving the sense that they are too crazy for their own good. In addition, people without too much consciousness about mental health can get the impression that DID individuals are emotionless and strange.
“You are a unique and intricate part of a whole. You just haven’t found your place, but you will. And I’ll do anything I can to support you.”
Similar to Vaughn, I ended up looking up searches about DID because it piqued my interest. There's a scene in the book where Oryn and Vaughn are at a museum, and Oryn, being a history geek, is very interested and engrossed in everything around him while Vaughn observes. During that time, they come across dinosaurs and more history, which causes Rain, the five-year-old, to switch with Oryn. Everything about Oryn is the same--his looks, body, and appearance, but the person acting in Oryn's body isn't, and it's something that made me think about how a situation like this can arise. During this moment, Rain becomes entertained by the dinosaurs, talking to Vaughn, which he becomes nervous about because of the situation they are in. People glance around and look at both weirdly, wondering why Oryn is acting and speaking like a child.
That scene made me think about reality and how common this must be for DID individuals because of the sudden change in person and how quickly an alter can switch. Vaughn was kind in every sense and did not care about people judging him. He didn't like how people gave Oryn strange looks because of how he was acting. He wasn't embarrassed or ashamed, and he didn't try to make Oryn change. I also appreciated this because of how dramaless it continued making the story, not adding any unnecessary inconvenience and wrong support. However, it still got me thinking about real-life couples and how they react to these changes. It makes you think about how you may react or feel if this were something you saw.
Not only that, but the romance in this also made me reflect on how other relationships work out. First off, though, although I knew about it (since it's the point), I loved how supportive, patient, and careful Vaughn was. While it took him a while to understand Oryn and his personalities, he took his time getting to know Oryn enough to understand his personalities enough. There was never a rush of events, and since the beginning, he became protective of making sure Oryn did not feel left out. Since the moment Oryn walks into the classroom, two individual college students talk bad about him. Vaughn confronts them, but he becomes interested in why they are talking about Oryn the way they do. Since meeting up with him, he takes his time looking up DID to learn more about it himself, and it gives him a different perspective about life like Oryn's. Throughout, he always makes sure to let Oryn know that he isn't rushing things and doesn't want to. He also makes sure to learn any signs that can trigger Oryn, becomes curious about his other personalities, takes his time listening to Oryn, never crosses boundaries, always makes sure Oryn is comfortable in the relationship, and so much more. This support system was so beautiful and amazing to read about. There was never a moment when Vaughn tried changing the way Oryn took the relationship's pace, and I wished this to be the case for everybody. I wholeheartedly appreciated this more simply because it added no drama to the story, which didn't cause any arguments or sensitive feelings towards the couple.
Together we are strong. Together we will survive.
In the beginning, Nicky James mentions how most DID individuals are victims of child sexual abuse. Through an internet search, I also found out that DID individuals usually attempt suicide at least once in their life. Cove, Oryn's alter who carries his childhood memories and trauma, is someone who harms himself when he's out. Oryn tries to keep away because of how much Cove hurt him, and it's mentioned how Cove only knows pain and hurt, which causes him to hate himself, consider himself ugly, and hurt himself to the point of killing himself. He and Oryn don't communicate and get along well, and their relationship is bumpy and takes time and progress to develop.
You can really feel for Oryn's other personalities, especially Rain and Cove, because of who they represent. While Cove's past haunts him, Rain represents the childhood Oryn was taken away from. His obsession with Batman is only one example, and his personality is exactly what a five-year-old's is like. From coloring to playing with legos and liking dinosaurs, Rain showed who Oryn could have been, having gone through child abuse, and it's nothing but heartbreaking. Admittedly, Rain was one of my favorites, and he's the one who got me thinking about how lucky many of us are about the life we have lived.
“You’re a beautiful person, Oryn. Inside and out. Anyone who has discarded a chance to know you better is an idiot. Nothing about you is crazy or frightens me off. I just want you to know that.”
One of the other reflections I had about this was how relationships work. Vaughn knows what he's getting himself into as he feels himself catching feelings for Oryn, but he's unsure how to work with it. Oryn reminds him that he comes with the whole package. Accepting Oryn but not the other personalities isn't something Vaughn can just pass through. Because of Oryn's past, he can't trust easily, and his relationship develops very slowly. Reed, being the protector, makes an appearance a lot when Oryn and Vaughn are together because of how Oryn becomes triggered. Their relationship is slow on-page, both mentally and physically, but their moments together were nothing but sweet. Vaughn's patience and communication throughout slowly helps Oryn trust him, and it's heartbreaking but cute on every level. They were adorable and wholesome, full of holding hands, cuddling, and small kisses with breaks. Their relationship is one of the cutest I've ever read about. Vaughn appreciated every moment they had together, and it shows how intimate any small gesture can get.
I do want to note how one problem that some people may find is the sexual relationship between Vaughn and Oryn. Cohen is sexually active in Oryn's personalities. He's also gay and a social butterfly, making it easy for him to interact with others and get along with them. Oryn cannot give Vaughn "what he wants," even though he wants to, so he tells him to do it with Cohen. At first, this was strange to me, but as Oryn explains, they are a whole package. Vaughn felt like he was cheating on Oryn with Cohen, and while Cohen is in Oryn's body, he is his own person in their inner world. This got me thinking about their relationship more and how complex it can be at first because of how strange it can feel to be with the same person physically, yet a different inner individual.
Nonetheless, Vaughn was still hesitant and always made sure Cohen was comfortable. I also love how he asked the other personalities, such as Cohen and Cove, to describe what they look like to give him the idea of how they look. This was really sweet of him to do because of how different they all are. It gives him a bigger understanding of who each person is, allowing him to understand them better. In the end, though, Vaughn and Oryn do have a sexual relationship, but it takes a lot of time.
“Because when you love someone, you don’t get to just love the good stuff and turn it off when things are difficult. It doesn’t work like that. When you fall in love, you are accepting someone wholly and completely.”
All in all, Love Me Whole is, how I see it, a love letter to reflection. It has one of the sweetest and healthiest book couples I've come across reading. There is nothing but patience, understanding, appreciation, endearment, communication, and, most importantly, love. I do give props to Nicky James for handling the topic of mental health and DID well. I was glad we never read about the actual trauma Oryn went through just because of how much happiness there was in the book that a tragic plot could ruin the mood. While it is a reality for many, the book does not have any drama. There is only angst and sweetness all around, but it visualizes a relationship that slowly develops and works out.
I'm looking forward to reading more of this author's works!
“Stop with the normal. No two people are the same. I like you for you.”
February 24, 2025
4.5 stars
An exceptionally beautiful and unique story, more heart-warming than I expected. The characters are wonderful and really well-developed. I couldn't help loving them all the same.
All the stars for the audiobook. Adam Gold is amazing. Not only did the give each character a distinctive voice that matched their personality perfectly, but the way he tells the story was like listening to a movie. The level of emotion he brought to the characters was incredible.
The rating rounded up, because I think the author did a fantastic job describing DID and I found it very informative.
******
Re-read 2/2025
An exceptionally beautiful and unique story, more heart-warming than I expected. The characters are wonderful and really well-developed. I couldn't help loving them all the same.
All the stars for the audiobook. Adam Gold is amazing. Not only did the give each character a distinctive voice that matched their personality perfectly, but the way he tells the story was like listening to a movie. The level of emotion he brought to the characters was incredible.
The rating rounded up, because I think the author did a fantastic job describing DID and I found it very informative.
******
Re-read 2/2025
September 6, 2020
My first Nicky James book and my first audiobook narrated by Adam Gold. My reaction...MIND BLOWN!!
Audio – Adam Gold was AMAZING!!! He gets all the golden stars and so does Nicky James for choosing such a gifted narrator who was able gave her words the perfect voice(s).
Story – 5 Unique, Unforgettable, Enlightening stars!!
I went back and forth between 4 and 5 stars because the story felt one sided. We only get the point of view of Vaughn, a man dating and eventually falling in love with someone with dissociative identity disorder. I wouldn’t go so far as to say, I wanted the points of view of all of Oryn’s other identities, but I would have liked to some insight on how he felt about finally finding love and acceptance. I was, however, grateful that it was never revealed in full detail what abuse Oryn suffered as a child. I decided on 5 stars because I realized this story is like nothing I’ve ever read in my experience of reading romance.
Audio – Adam Gold was AMAZING!!! He gets all the golden stars and so does Nicky James for choosing such a gifted narrator who was able gave her words the perfect voice(s).
Story – 5 Unique, Unforgettable, Enlightening stars!!
I went back and forth between 4 and 5 stars because the story felt one sided. We only get the point of view of Vaughn, a man dating and eventually falling in love with someone with dissociative identity disorder. I wouldn’t go so far as to say, I wanted the points of view of all of Oryn’s other identities, but I would have liked to some insight on how he felt about finally finding love and acceptance. I was, however, grateful that it was never revealed in full detail what abuse Oryn suffered as a child. I decided on 5 stars because I realized this story is like nothing I’ve ever read in my experience of reading romance.
October 11, 2023
Reread/Audiobook September 2023
**********************************************
Audiobook - 5 stars
Story 4.5 stars
When i started this book, i had low expectations because, contemporary and all, we really don't match sometimes. Oh boy! that was completely changed after reading chapter 1.
All i know about Dissociative identity disorder (DID), i learnt from a series called United States of Tara. This books takes it to another level. The audiobook brings the story to life.
Adam has a distinct voice for each character. His narration is so perfect for this book.
The story is told from Vaughn's POV as he tries to start a functional relationship with Oryn who suffers from DID. Oryn has five alters, Reed, Cohen, Cove, Theo and Rain. Yaap that is alot of people to handle. The author did a great job giving all the alters distinct personalities, it was easy to tell who was who and when they appeared. I found myself knowing the tells, that is saying something.
I am glad i got to read this story. I sometimes wished for Oryn's POV but i got used to Vaughn's voice. He is the best patient boyfriend ever. I thought this was going to be a tear jerker but it ended up being a feel good story. 😍
Highly recommended.
**********************************************
Audiobook - 5 stars
Story 4.5 stars
When i started this book, i had low expectations because, contemporary and all, we really don't match sometimes. Oh boy! that was completely changed after reading chapter 1.
All i know about Dissociative identity disorder (DID), i learnt from a series called United States of Tara. This books takes it to another level. The audiobook brings the story to life.
Adam has a distinct voice for each character. His narration is so perfect for this book.
The story is told from Vaughn's POV as he tries to start a functional relationship with Oryn who suffers from DID. Oryn has five alters, Reed, Cohen, Cove, Theo and Rain. Yaap that is alot of people to handle. The author did a great job giving all the alters distinct personalities, it was easy to tell who was who and when they appeared. I found myself knowing the tells, that is saying something.
I am glad i got to read this story. I sometimes wished for Oryn's POV but i got used to Vaughn's voice. He is the best patient boyfriend ever. I thought this was going to be a tear jerker but it ended up being a feel good story. 😍
Highly recommended.
September 28, 2021
wow. how does one even review this book?
completely unique and utterly fascinating. while this is marketed as a romance, its also a captivating character study and a psychological commentary on dissociative identity disorder. granted, i have no idea how accurate the portrayal is but, based on some quick google searches, it seems pretty well researched.
the story is told from vaughns POV, which is an understandable choice, but i was dying to get inside oryns head. i really wish he (and his alters) had had his own chapters. i think it would have been the perfect way at answering a lot of questions that sadly dont get resolved because oryn wasnt ready to share that with vaughn. again, understandable and realistic, but unsatisfying for a reader.
but overall, a very interesting book that i will be thinking about for some time.
↠ 4 stars
completely unique and utterly fascinating. while this is marketed as a romance, its also a captivating character study and a psychological commentary on dissociative identity disorder. granted, i have no idea how accurate the portrayal is but, based on some quick google searches, it seems pretty well researched.
the story is told from vaughns POV, which is an understandable choice, but i was dying to get inside oryns head. i really wish he (and his alters) had had his own chapters. i think it would have been the perfect way at answering a lot of questions that sadly dont get resolved because oryn wasnt ready to share that with vaughn. again, understandable and realistic, but unsatisfying for a reader.
but overall, a very interesting book that i will be thinking about for some time.
↠ 4 stars
February 28, 2019
4.5 Stars
I listened to the audio and it was AMAZING!! Adam Gold did a great job! His performance was awesome. All the voices were distinctive and at some point, I doubted all of them were Mr. Gold’s voice but they were! If I wanted to rate just the audio my rated would have been 10 stars!
I have read some hurt/comfort stories but this one was a bit unique in its own way. The characters were all lovable. Vaughn and his patience, that he was so attentive and didn’t rush anything. Oryn, that shy boy! Loved that he accepted his situation and didn’t back away from what he wanted/found. Reed, that protective man who wouldn’t let anything upset/harm him. Rain, that sweet sweet little boy with his toothy smile. Cohen, that naughty, carefree boy. Theo, that self-organised man who could cook like a chef. Love them all, even Cove. Oh, poor Cove…
My only issue was that during listening to the audio I had this question that what had happened to Oryn in the past and what happened to his family and where they were?!? Told in single POV, 1st person (Vaughn). It’s a standalone novel and slow burn. Overall, loved it and hope you enjoy it as well!
I listened to the audio and it was AMAZING!! Adam Gold did a great job! His performance was awesome. All the voices were distinctive and at some point, I doubted all of them were Mr. Gold’s voice but they were! If I wanted to rate just the audio my rated would have been 10 stars!
I have read some hurt/comfort stories but this one was a bit unique in its own way. The characters were all lovable. Vaughn and his patience, that he was so attentive and didn’t rush anything. Oryn, that shy boy! Loved that he accepted his situation and didn’t back away from what he wanted/found. Reed, that protective man who wouldn’t let anything upset/harm him. Rain, that sweet sweet little boy with his toothy smile. Cohen, that naughty, carefree boy. Theo, that self-organised man who could cook like a chef. Love them all, even Cove. Oh, poor Cove…
My only issue was that during listening to the audio I had this question that what had happened to Oryn in the past and what happened to his family and where they were?!? Told in single POV, 1st person (Vaughn). It’s a standalone novel and slow burn. Overall, loved it and hope you enjoy it as well!
October 14, 2024
Oryn at the slightest inconvenience:
(no hate, he's a baby angel who needs to be protecc at all cost)
This book was just 85% emotional/physical blue balling.
You think you're gonna get some action, or some communication, or some resolutions, or some answers......
LOL JOKES NAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, here, have a personality swap to the angry man personality, or have the mc disappear for a week straight. 💅🏻
ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT.
Blue ball me more book, please, give it to me Rachel.
There is a horrible lack of communication, and we get (what feels like) hundreds of pages of Vaughn's inner monologues and trials & tribulations recaps.
ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT.
Even when the romance was getting ICKY AF towards the end because they were so gross and in love...
ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT.
Each of Oryn's personalities was so unique and well written, that even as I reader you could quickly identify who was on page, and Oryn's growth could be cute af, and sometimes annoying and blue-ballsy, BUT it was all in the name of ✨personal growth✨ so it was completely understandable.
ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT.
(no hate, he's a baby angel who needs to be protecc at all cost)
This book was just 85% emotional/physical blue balling.
You think you're gonna get some action, or some communication, or some resolutions, or some answers......
LOL JOKES NAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, here, have a personality swap to the angry man personality, or have the mc disappear for a week straight. 💅🏻
ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT.
Blue ball me more book, please, give it to me Rachel.
There is a horrible lack of communication, and we get (what feels like) hundreds of pages of Vaughn's inner monologues and trials & tribulations recaps.
ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT.
Even when the romance was getting ICKY AF towards the end because they were so gross and in love...
ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT.
Each of Oryn's personalities was so unique and well written, that even as I reader you could quickly identify who was on page, and Oryn's growth could be cute af, and sometimes annoying and blue-ballsy, BUT it was all in the name of ✨personal growth✨ so it was completely understandable.
ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT.
September 11, 2019
5 +++++++stars
Wow, this book!!! I was absolutely caught up in this story about a man, Vaughn, who falls in love with, Oryn, a man with Dissociative Identity Disorder (personality disorder), and shared his mind and body with 5 very different people. Each person had a specific job in the inner circle and they all wanted to be heard.
This was definitely a hurt/comfort read with some characters being more angsty than others. I adored all of them, but I loved the way Vaughn loved all of them. I can’t imagine the struggle for not only Oryn, but also for Vaughn.
I listened to the audiobook, and let me tell you, Adam Gold was amazing with his sexy voice. He had a different voice for each character, and I had no problem figuring out who was talking.
Highly recommend!!!
Wow, this book!!! I was absolutely caught up in this story about a man, Vaughn, who falls in love with, Oryn, a man with Dissociative Identity Disorder (personality disorder), and shared his mind and body with 5 very different people. Each person had a specific job in the inner circle and they all wanted to be heard.
This was definitely a hurt/comfort read with some characters being more angsty than others. I adored all of them, but I loved the way Vaughn loved all of them. I can’t imagine the struggle for not only Oryn, but also for Vaughn.
I listened to the audiobook, and let me tell you, Adam Gold was amazing with his sexy voice. He had a different voice for each character, and I had no problem figuring out who was talking.
Highly recommend!!!
February 20, 2021
Book: Love Me Whole
Author: Nicky James
Type: Standalone
Genre: MM Romance
POV: First Person - Vaughn
Rating: 4 Hearts!
Name/Age: Oryn Patterson - 28 ┃ Vaughn Sinclair - 35
Setting: Ontario, Canada
Published: January 12, 2018
With that kiss we were whole. We were one. We were complete. Just as we would be from that day forward.
Life is not easy. Neither is this book. Love Me Whole is one of the best and most compelling life stories I have ever read. There is so much mixed and packed in this book : unforgettable characters, a whirlwind of light and angst, it’s scorching hot, it’s deep, it’s fun, it’s painful, it’s raw, it’s emotional. It's eye-opening. I'm sure it will stay on my mind for a very long time. This is my first book from Nicky James and she blew me away with her poignant words and charming characters. I really appreciated the way that the author approached Oryn's disorder. Like most of the readers, my knowledge about Dissociative Identity Disorder is based on what little I've seen in movies and TV shows.
When you love someone, you don’t get to just love the good stuff and turn it off when things are difficult. It doesn’t work like that. When you fall in love, you are accepting someone wholly and completely.
Love Me Whole is not a happy book. It's not all dopey smiles and fuzzy, warm feelings. Although there was no explicit description of any abuse/triggers, there were still some parts which were hard to digest. It broke your heart and the pieces were jagged but you knew that there had to be something good. Even without giving away details of its plot, its evolution of the storyline and the ending will probably leave you bawling your eyes out. But, at the same time, it is not a sad book either, for the sheer warmth and humanity of its story and characters will shine a ray of sunshine on your heart that will stay there long after reaching the final word in the book.
A cruel world was all he’d ever known, and I wanted to show him a better life.
Vaughn and Oryn were wonderful characters who brought brightness and hope to the story in their own ways despite facing numerous challenges. The entire story is told through Vaughn's perspective and I so desperately wanted Oryn's point of view. His thoughts about Vaugh, his gradual acceptance of their relationship and his journey towards happiness. But nonetheless, it’s a beautiful love story, that spans over a few years. I love a hard fought happy ending, and I got that here and so much more.
If you are looking for one of those stories that pummels your emotions a bit before delivering something spectacular, I'd certainly recommend this book.
♫ Take my hand, guide me along
Be my friend, so we can talk
Fight the demons by my side
In the darkness, we can’t hide
The world is changing
When the sunlight streams on me
I’ll bare my soul for you to see
Break these binds, set me free
Cuz this is who I’m supposed to be
The world is changing
No more poison in my mind
No more storms I cannot ride
Don’t hold me down, just let me fly
I will get by, I will get by
The world is changing
Our world is changing ♫
November 6, 2020
Fight the demons by my sideStory: 4 “The best things are worth waiting for” stars ⭐️⭐⭐⭐
In the darkness, we can’t hide
When the sunlight streams on me
I’ll bare my soul for you to see
Break these binds, set me free
Cuz this is who I’m supposed to be
Love Me Whole is the story of thirty-five year old Vaughn, who falls in love with twenty-eight year old Oryn. Their love story would have been simple and uncomplicated had it not been for the fact that Oryn suffers from DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder).
Oryn has five other alters living within his body: Reed, Cohen, Theo, Cove and Rain. From a terribly broken self-harmer to an innocent five-year old child, each of his alters is very different and equally unique.
Vaughn is a tremendously selfless character who tries his best to love and accept Oryn the way he is because he knows:
“When you love someone, you don’t get to just love the good stuff and turn it off when things are difficult. It doesn’t work like that. When you fall in love, you are accepting someone wholly and completely.”
This story is truly emotional; from making me laugh out loud to bringing tears to my eyes, it made me feel it all.
Confession: Even since I read Tell Me Your Dreams by Sidney Sheldon, I've always been fascinated by DID. Watching the movie Split only made me more curious about it. So when I read the blurb of this book, I knew that I had to read it, and I wasn't disappointed.
The only thing I can say is that sometimes the story felt a little one dimensional because we only got Vaughn's POV. I would have loved it if we got some things from Oryn and his alter's POVs too.
Overall, this was a very beautiful, but emotionally exhausting book.
Audio: 5+ stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Oh. My. God. Adam Gold's narration was PERFECT ❤️ The way he gave each of Oryn's alters a distinct voice was absolutely wonderful! He truly brought the story to life ✨
April 18, 2024
(TW: self-harm and self-hate on page)
Oh my god this book made me sob through a ton of tissues. But I'm incredibly happy that I finally had the courage to read it.
It should be fairly crystal to me by now that Nicky James is perfectly capable of portraying such themes really well, but somehow I was afraid that this book would be chaotic to understand. Stupid me could have read this years ago, well, better late than never.
In case it wasn't already clear, I love this book. It is in no way messy or takes too little care of the needs of the two MCs. A bit of a bummer that the POV is one-sided, but in this case that might be even better for the perfect harmonious flow of the story.
It took me a bit of time to really warm up to Vaughn. Even though he tells this story, I initially had the impression that he was portrayed too coldly. But I think that's a mistake on my part, maybe I had eaten something weird the day I started the book.
Besides that, Oryn, Cohen, Cove ❤️🩹💔💖 I'll take all three of them. The other three fulfill their roles, but have impressed me less. Overall, an incredibly well-told story. If this is how DID actually works (I have no idea and no time to fill in the gaps in my knowledge right now), then I'm mega impressed and definitely happy with how the author packed it all into a single book.
What else ... if you really want to, you could criticize the fact that the plot is rather unspectacular. What bothered me a bit in the meantime was that the focus was too much on sex from time to time, even if Vaughn emphasizes a thousand times that it's not important and that he's a big fan of cuddling, the possibility of having sex took up a bit too much space. But I don't really feel like seeing this as a fly in the ointment, the book as a whole was just too good for that.
And in the end, any story that makes me cry is a good one in my book.
“I don’t want to hurt anymore.”
My feet moved before I could think, and I took the butt and tossed it away. Then, I folded Cove in my arms and squeezed him to my chest. He didn’t return the embrace, but went limp in my arms. I stroked his hair from his face and kissed his forehead, the ache in my own body overwhelming me. And I trembled. Not from cold, but from fear. “You’re safe,” I whispered. 😭😩😪🤧
Fight the demons by my side
In the darkness, we can’t hide 💔😢😥💔
“Because when you love someone, you don’t get to just love the good stuff and turn it off when things are difficult. It doesn’t work like that. When you fall in love, you are accepting someone wholly and completely.” 😍🫠🥰
Oh my god this book made me sob through a ton of tissues. But I'm incredibly happy that I finally had the courage to read it.
It should be fairly crystal to me by now that Nicky James is perfectly capable of portraying such themes really well, but somehow I was afraid that this book would be chaotic to understand. Stupid me could have read this years ago, well, better late than never.
In case it wasn't already clear, I love this book. It is in no way messy or takes too little care of the needs of the two MCs. A bit of a bummer that the POV is one-sided, but in this case that might be even better for the perfect harmonious flow of the story.
It took me a bit of time to really warm up to Vaughn. Even though he tells this story, I initially had the impression that he was portrayed too coldly. But I think that's a mistake on my part, maybe I had eaten something weird the day I started the book.
Besides that, Oryn, Cohen, Cove ❤️🩹💔💖 I'll take all three of them. The other three fulfill their roles, but have impressed me less. Overall, an incredibly well-told story. If this is how DID actually works (I have no idea and no time to fill in the gaps in my knowledge right now), then I'm mega impressed and definitely happy with how the author packed it all into a single book.
What else ... if you really want to, you could criticize the fact that the plot is rather unspectacular. What bothered me a bit in the meantime was that the focus was too much on sex from time to time, even if Vaughn emphasizes a thousand times that it's not important and that he's a big fan of cuddling, the possibility of having sex took up a bit too much space. But I don't really feel like seeing this as a fly in the ointment, the book as a whole was just too good for that.
And in the end, any story that makes me cry is a good one in my book.
“I don’t want to hurt anymore.”
My feet moved before I could think, and I took the butt and tossed it away. Then, I folded Cove in my arms and squeezed him to my chest. He didn’t return the embrace, but went limp in my arms. I stroked his hair from his face and kissed his forehead, the ache in my own body overwhelming me. And I trembled. Not from cold, but from fear. “You’re safe,” I whispered. 😭😩😪🤧
Fight the demons by my side
In the darkness, we can’t hide 💔😢😥💔
“Because when you love someone, you don’t get to just love the good stuff and turn it off when things are difficult. It doesn’t work like that. When you fall in love, you are accepting someone wholly and completely.” 😍🫠🥰
September 4, 2019
If you're looking for a stellar example of soulmates, this might be the most precise portrayal I've ever seen. I've witnessed countless beautiful pairs that fit together seamlessly. However, I truly believe Vaughn was meant to love Oryn. There could be no one else. The call was for his soul and his soul alone. When things began to fall into place and these ultimate soulmates became clear, I lost my breath. I literally paused and took in the intensity of the moment. And it wasn't the last time I stopped to grapple with the tsunami of feelings. I'll admit that it took me a bit before I fell into step with this story. It was not an easy read. It was not a light read. It was...unlike anything I've ever read before. As this was my first time with this author, it took me a few chapters to click with the writing. However, the story snagged me from the beginning and I was a slave to the pages.
What's to like: I'm struggling to find the right words...it's challenging to write a review for such a complex story. First off, I'm grateful that I didn't read any reviews prior to reading because I believe my experience was much more profound without knowing too much. I'm also very thankful this came across my radar with the help of a buddy read. I'm not certain I would have read it otherwise. So, how do *I* compose a review without risking any spoilers or modifying your potential reading experience? How do I ensure you will behold the same beauty that I did? The only conclusion I can find is...with extreme ambiguity and soft descriptions. With recounting my feelings rather than their's. Basically, by emotional babbling.
Here goes...this disorder isn't something that I am familiar with. Yes, I've seen the movies but that is the extent of my knowledge. I felt inspired like Vaughn was to...know more. Yet as much as I was fascinated by the intricacy of Oryn's life it was the tentative steps of their relationship that held me captive. Love is such a beautiful thing and why I am drawn to romance stories. The power that love wields can blow me away. And Vaughn and Oryn are a perfect example of pure, powerful, unconditional love.
What's to love: I could say that Vaughn is amazing but so is Oryn. I could express my admiration for his patience but again, it goes two-fold. One of the many things that I found remarkable was the open mind, open arms, and open heart that we witness. It's not clear what traumatic events led Oryn to his fractured mind but...that's okay. History is simply that. What is important is the here and now. And eventually, the promise of a future.
My quick rundown on the alters within Oryn would be:
Theo- practical, sturdy & constant.
Reed- watchdog, defender, & resolute
Cove- haunted, stormy & survivor
Cohen- free, joyous & playful
Rain- spontaneous, refreshing & innocent.
These pieces come together and form an extraordinary man. But there is no separating, they come as a package deal. And no one has ever loved them before. There are many first's within these pages but this was by far the most amazing. I loved how Vaughn loved them. I loved how they loved Vaughn. And the ending brought happy tears to my eyes.
Beware of: Dissociative identity disorder is complicated. Oryn's daily battles are exhausting and almost inconceivable. And their love is cautious yet all-consuming.
Special shout out for the cover, it is absolute perfection!
This book is for: Anyone willing to take a chance...Love Me Whole is one of the most tremendous love stories that I've ever read and you may very well feel the same. What are you waiting for?
Book UNfunk
What's to like: I'm struggling to find the right words...it's challenging to write a review for such a complex story. First off, I'm grateful that I didn't read any reviews prior to reading because I believe my experience was much more profound without knowing too much. I'm also very thankful this came across my radar with the help of a buddy read. I'm not certain I would have read it otherwise. So, how do *I* compose a review without risking any spoilers or modifying your potential reading experience? How do I ensure you will behold the same beauty that I did? The only conclusion I can find is...with extreme ambiguity and soft descriptions. With recounting my feelings rather than their's. Basically, by emotional babbling.
Here goes...this disorder isn't something that I am familiar with. Yes, I've seen the movies but that is the extent of my knowledge. I felt inspired like Vaughn was to...know more. Yet as much as I was fascinated by the intricacy of Oryn's life it was the tentative steps of their relationship that held me captive. Love is such a beautiful thing and why I am drawn to romance stories. The power that love wields can blow me away. And Vaughn and Oryn are a perfect example of pure, powerful, unconditional love.
What's to love: I could say that Vaughn is amazing but so is Oryn. I could express my admiration for his patience but again, it goes two-fold. One of the many things that I found remarkable was the open mind, open arms, and open heart that we witness. It's not clear what traumatic events led Oryn to his fractured mind but...that's okay. History is simply that. What is important is the here and now. And eventually, the promise of a future.
My quick rundown on the alters within Oryn would be:
Theo- practical, sturdy & constant.
Reed- watchdog, defender, & resolute
Cove- haunted, stormy & survivor
Cohen- free, joyous & playful
Rain- spontaneous, refreshing & innocent.
These pieces come together and form an extraordinary man. But there is no separating, they come as a package deal. And no one has ever loved them before. There are many first's within these pages but this was by far the most amazing. I loved how Vaughn loved them. I loved how they loved Vaughn. And the ending brought happy tears to my eyes.
Beware of: Dissociative identity disorder is complicated. Oryn's daily battles are exhausting and almost inconceivable. And their love is cautious yet all-consuming.
Special shout out for the cover, it is absolute perfection!
This book is for: Anyone willing to take a chance...Love Me Whole is one of the most tremendous love stories that I've ever read and you may very well feel the same. What are you waiting for?
Book UNfunk
February 19, 2019
3.5 stars
This was certainly a very unique book. But OMG, I feel exhausted after reading this. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I don’t think I will be rereading this any time soon.
Vaughn and Oryn meet when Vaughn is taking a marketing night class at the local college. Oryn is softspoken, shy, but obviously intelligent. Vaughn doesn’t get why their classmates are making fun of Oryn all the time. Vaughn thought he didn’t have to deal with bullies at 35 years of age.
When they need a partner for a project, Vaughns decides to ask Oryn, but when he does Oryn is hesitant to accept. Oryn then explains he has DID, Dissociative identity disorder, also known as someone who has multiple personalities. But that doesn’t deter Vaughn in the slightest so they do end up partnered together.
When Vaughn starts coming over to Oryn’s house he gets to meet some of Oryn’s alters, and he finally understands how difficult it must be for Oryn.
Slowly Vaughn learns that something bad happened to Oryn in his childhood for him to develop the DID. The alters protect him. There is Reed, who is a straight weightlifting jock, who has sworn to protect Oryn at all cost. Then there is Cohen, a flamboyant 19 year old. Theo, the asexual super organized guy, Rain, the 5 year old little boy. And finally Cove, who is hurting so badly he is harming himself.
When Vaughn gets to know Oryn (and his alters) more, he knows he cannot walk away from him, despite how hard it may be to have a relationship with him. He doesn’t even know if Oryn is capable of any kind of romantic relationship, but all he knows is that Oryn is worth it…
While I really liked this book, there was one thing that bothered me enough to detract some stars from this. Vaughn and Oryn start a relationship, but not yet a physical one, since that is a trigger for Oryn. Vaughn has spent some time with Cohen too, since Cohen is the one that is outgoing and flirty and appears when Vaughn asks Oryn out on dates. Oryn still can’t have sex with Vaughn, but tells Vaughn it is okay to have sex with Cohen. And after some consideration and thinking on Vaughn’s part, they do indeed have sex, Cohen and Vaughn. I thought that moment came too soon. I get that Oryn has different alters (who all had their very own personalities and even looked different in their own minds), and it is amazing that Vaughn can love all of them, but at that moment I felt as if Vaughn didn’t know Cohen enough to have sex with him and used him as a stand-in for Oryn, since they share the same body. Yes, it did feel a bit like cheating at that moment.
I know it’s not really cheating but know that Cohen was indeed a totally different person from Oryn and Vaughn kept thinking it was Oryn who he was in love with. Later on it got better when Vaughn admitted to himself he loved Cohen just as much as Oryn and he just had a relationship with several people instead of just with one man. But I would have been happier if the sex between Vaughn and Cohen would have happened later on in the book. Because this made me uncomfortable for a long time.
Still, this is a very interesting story even though it was too exhausting for me.
(Oh, and can I just say that I was slightly disappointed we never learn anything about Oryn's past. I don't need details, but we didn't get anything at all.)
This was certainly a very unique book. But OMG, I feel exhausted after reading this. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I don’t think I will be rereading this any time soon.
Vaughn and Oryn meet when Vaughn is taking a marketing night class at the local college. Oryn is softspoken, shy, but obviously intelligent. Vaughn doesn’t get why their classmates are making fun of Oryn all the time. Vaughn thought he didn’t have to deal with bullies at 35 years of age.
When they need a partner for a project, Vaughns decides to ask Oryn, but when he does Oryn is hesitant to accept. Oryn then explains he has DID, Dissociative identity disorder, also known as someone who has multiple personalities. But that doesn’t deter Vaughn in the slightest so they do end up partnered together.
When Vaughn starts coming over to Oryn’s house he gets to meet some of Oryn’s alters, and he finally understands how difficult it must be for Oryn.
Slowly Vaughn learns that something bad happened to Oryn in his childhood for him to develop the DID. The alters protect him. There is Reed, who is a straight weightlifting jock, who has sworn to protect Oryn at all cost. Then there is Cohen, a flamboyant 19 year old. Theo, the asexual super organized guy, Rain, the 5 year old little boy. And finally Cove, who is hurting so badly he is harming himself.
When Vaughn gets to know Oryn (and his alters) more, he knows he cannot walk away from him, despite how hard it may be to have a relationship with him. He doesn’t even know if Oryn is capable of any kind of romantic relationship, but all he knows is that Oryn is worth it…
While I really liked this book, there was one thing that bothered me enough to detract some stars from this. Vaughn and Oryn start a relationship, but not yet a physical one, since that is a trigger for Oryn. Vaughn has spent some time with Cohen too, since Cohen is the one that is outgoing and flirty and appears when Vaughn asks Oryn out on dates. Oryn still can’t have sex with Vaughn, but tells Vaughn it is okay to have sex with Cohen. And after some consideration and thinking on Vaughn’s part, they do indeed have sex, Cohen and Vaughn. I thought that moment came too soon. I get that Oryn has different alters (who all had their very own personalities and even looked different in their own minds), and it is amazing that Vaughn can love all of them, but at that moment I felt as if Vaughn didn’t know Cohen enough to have sex with him and used him as a stand-in for Oryn, since they share the same body. Yes, it did feel a bit like cheating at that moment.
I know it’s not really cheating but know that Cohen was indeed a totally different person from Oryn and Vaughn kept thinking it was Oryn who he was in love with. Later on it got better when Vaughn admitted to himself he loved Cohen just as much as Oryn and he just had a relationship with several people instead of just with one man. But I would have been happier if the sex between Vaughn and Cohen would have happened later on in the book. Because this made me uncomfortable for a long time.
Still, this is a very interesting story even though it was too exhausting for me.
(Oh, and can I just say that I was slightly disappointed we never learn anything about Oryn's past. I don't need details, but we didn't get anything at all.)
March 19, 2018
This was absolutely fascinating, and beautiful and frightening and confusing and it was everything.
This is going on my favorite shelf.
I loved this book so much. I never wanted it to end.
Breathtaking.
I can't stop thinking about it. I didn't have a lot of time to read this weekend but this book was on my mind constantly and I feel like it will be on my mind for a long time to come.
I am at a loss for the right words.
It was the perfect blend. The author did a fantastic job I think, meshing the education and all the information but keeping it a very romantic and hopeful book.
I just loved it.
Beautiful.
This is going on my favorite shelf.
I loved this book so much. I never wanted it to end.
Breathtaking.
I can't stop thinking about it. I didn't have a lot of time to read this weekend but this book was on my mind constantly and I feel like it will be on my mind for a long time to come.
I am at a loss for the right words.
It was the perfect blend. The author did a fantastic job I think, meshing the education and all the information but keeping it a very romantic and hopeful book.
I just loved it.
Beautiful.
![Profile Image for Imme [trying to crawl out of hiatus] van Gorp.](/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.gr-assets.com%2Fimages%2FS%2Fcompressed.photo.goodreads.com%2Fusers%2F1700013408i%2F101358081._UX200_CR0%2C0%2C200%2C200_.jpg&w=128&q=75)
March 9, 2025
|| 2.0 stars ||
Unfortunately, I really did not like this one. I had pretty high expectations of it going in, but I was ultimately very disappointed. Not only did I think the plot was extremely uneventful, repetitive and boring, I also struggled to feel emotionally connected to any of it.
The romance was especially lacklustre to me. Vaugh and Oryn’s relationship lacked any form of foundation and I was not quite sure why Vaugn fell in love with Oryn. It was quite random.
Their connection was honestly shaky at best and I often found myself being confused regarding their feelings for each other. Their relationship simply did not feel romantic to me… Vaugh seemed to care about Oryn, sure, but not like a partner. He mostly just seemed to be worried about Oryn’s well-being and about wanting him to function better in the world. Vaughn honestly felt more like a caretaker. Like a nurse or something? Not sure how to explain it better than that. But I definitely did not feel the romantic love.
Speaking of, I understand that since Oryn had Dissociative Identity Disorder, Vaugn needed to love him as a whole, and he needed to connect with all Oryn’s many alters. But I still feel like that bond could have been built without any romantic connections to the other alters. I mean, Vaughn’s relationship with Cohen (one of Oryn’s alters) really did not sit right with me. Not only did he form a sexual relationship with Cohen outside of Oryn, he eventually also admitted to loving them both equally. It irked me. It almost felt like cheating to me. I know it was all encouraged by Oryn, but I personally hated it.
Nicky James books:
Love Me Whole - 2.0 stars
The One That Got Away - 4.0 stars
Unfortunately, I really did not like this one. I had pretty high expectations of it going in, but I was ultimately very disappointed. Not only did I think the plot was extremely uneventful, repetitive and boring, I also struggled to feel emotionally connected to any of it.
The romance was especially lacklustre to me. Vaugh and Oryn’s relationship lacked any form of foundation and I was not quite sure why Vaugn fell in love with Oryn. It was quite random.
Their connection was honestly shaky at best and I often found myself being confused regarding their feelings for each other. Their relationship simply did not feel romantic to me… Vaugh seemed to care about Oryn, sure, but not like a partner. He mostly just seemed to be worried about Oryn’s well-being and about wanting him to function better in the world. Vaughn honestly felt more like a caretaker. Like a nurse or something? Not sure how to explain it better than that. But I definitely did not feel the romantic love.
Speaking of, I understand that since Oryn had Dissociative Identity Disorder, Vaugn needed to love him as a whole, and he needed to connect with all Oryn’s many alters. But I still feel like that bond could have been built without any romantic connections to the other alters. I mean, Vaughn’s relationship with Cohen (one of Oryn’s alters) really did not sit right with me. Not only did he form a sexual relationship with Cohen outside of Oryn, he eventually also admitted to loving them both equally. It irked me. It almost felt like cheating to me. I know it was all encouraged by Oryn, but I personally hated it.
Nicky James books:
Love Me Whole - 2.0 stars
The One That Got Away - 4.0 stars
June 10, 2021
Love Me Whole is a unique, heart-warming love story who deals with Dissociative Identity Disorder, also called Multiple Personality Disorder. I loved how beautiful the main couple was, always caring about each other and never giving up. Also, I find books that deal with mental illness really interesting to read, and I haven’t read anything like this before.
Vaughn and Oryn meet in the night classes they both attend, when Vaughn defends him from the other student’s jokes. Shy, introvert and nervous, Oryn is the easiest target for bullies, and it doesn’t help that he suffers DID.
Being ten years older than the rest of the class, Vaughn can’t believe college students still enjoy making fun of others and decide to take Oryn under his wing, for he is the only one who seems worthy of getting to know. When they become partners for a class project, neither of them can imagine how much that decision will change their lives -classic, I know, but I promise it’s the only typical thing you’ll find in this extraordinary love story.
“When you love someone, you don’t get to just love the good stuff and turn it off when things are difficult. When you fall in love, you are accepting someone wholly and completely.”
While Oryn was obviously the most interesting character, with all the different personalities living in one body, Vaughn won my heart the moment he didn’t hesitate to defend his new classmate from bulliers. The book is all written in Vaughn’s POV, and he’s impossible not to love. He’s caring, emphatic and kind, always putting Oryn’s needs first, trying to make him happier, to love him as he deserves. He doesn’t see Oryn as the crazy, weird guy. Oryn is a good, lovely human being who is alone in the world because of an illness he is not culpable of.
“You… you aren’t in it, so it’s lonely. N-no one talks to me. They talk a lot about me...behind my back, but I’m not s-stupid.”
It was heartbreaking seeing someone as endearing as Oryn being set apart. I spent all the book wanting to give him a hug! He had an exceptionally good nature for someone who had to suffer that much, and I needed to punch all the bullies in the face. I can’t stand bullying, and having Vaughn always defending him like I would warmed my heart. Vaughn and Oryn are so loveable that you just want to see them smile, safe and with the HEA they deserve.
But the path isn’t easy: Oryn still needs to figure out a balance between all the personalities that live inside him, and make room for Vaughn in the process. At first, I only wanted to see Vaughn and “real” Oryn interact, but the more I got to know the other personalities, the more interested I was about them all, even though Oryn and Vaughn will always be my favourite. The only thing I would have changed is that the second half of the book felt a bit slow, which was probably something necessary for the story, but the beginning was more fast-paced and enjoyed it more.
Overall, Love Me Whole is an unforgettable story, and I’m really happy I gave it a try. It was lighter than I thought, since the author decided not to explain what really happened to Oryn to develop DID, but still emotional because dealing with a mental illnesses is hard. I truly recommend it to anyone one who enjoys unique romances with kind characters who would do anything for the ones they love.
Vaughn and Oryn meet in the night classes they both attend, when Vaughn defends him from the other student’s jokes. Shy, introvert and nervous, Oryn is the easiest target for bullies, and it doesn’t help that he suffers DID.
Being ten years older than the rest of the class, Vaughn can’t believe college students still enjoy making fun of others and decide to take Oryn under his wing, for he is the only one who seems worthy of getting to know. When they become partners for a class project, neither of them can imagine how much that decision will change their lives -classic, I know, but I promise it’s the only typical thing you’ll find in this extraordinary love story.
“When you love someone, you don’t get to just love the good stuff and turn it off when things are difficult. When you fall in love, you are accepting someone wholly and completely.”
While Oryn was obviously the most interesting character, with all the different personalities living in one body, Vaughn won my heart the moment he didn’t hesitate to defend his new classmate from bulliers. The book is all written in Vaughn’s POV, and he’s impossible not to love. He’s caring, emphatic and kind, always putting Oryn’s needs first, trying to make him happier, to love him as he deserves. He doesn’t see Oryn as the crazy, weird guy. Oryn is a good, lovely human being who is alone in the world because of an illness he is not culpable of.
“You… you aren’t in it, so it’s lonely. N-no one talks to me. They talk a lot about me...behind my back, but I’m not s-stupid.”
It was heartbreaking seeing someone as endearing as Oryn being set apart. I spent all the book wanting to give him a hug! He had an exceptionally good nature for someone who had to suffer that much, and I needed to punch all the bullies in the face. I can’t stand bullying, and having Vaughn always defending him like I would warmed my heart. Vaughn and Oryn are so loveable that you just want to see them smile, safe and with the HEA they deserve.
But the path isn’t easy: Oryn still needs to figure out a balance between all the personalities that live inside him, and make room for Vaughn in the process. At first, I only wanted to see Vaughn and “real” Oryn interact, but the more I got to know the other personalities, the more interested I was about them all, even though Oryn and Vaughn will always be my favourite. The only thing I would have changed is that the second half of the book felt a bit slow, which was probably something necessary for the story, but the beginning was more fast-paced and enjoyed it more.
Overall, Love Me Whole is an unforgettable story, and I’m really happy I gave it a try. It was lighter than I thought, since the author decided not to explain what really happened to Oryn to develop DID, but still emotional because dealing with a mental illnesses is hard. I truly recommend it to anyone one who enjoys unique romances with kind characters who would do anything for the ones they love.
July 5, 2018
I loved this book. Not only was it highly readable and addictive, it was also fascinating. I learned a lot of things about DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) that I didn't know. I loved the way the main character, Vaughn, had to navigate not only his relationship with Oryn, but with all of the other personalities that resided within Oryn as well, including one who was very much a "straight dude bro" and a child. This was SO well done. I highly recommend this hurt-comfort story as one of the best. Cudos to Nicky James for managing a very difficult narrative and pulling it off 100%.
See my full review here: https://www.elieaston.com/eli-easton/...
See my full review here: https://www.elieaston.com/eli-easton/...
January 30, 2025
*re-read January 2025*
I have read this book multiple times and it still not ceases to amaze me beyond words. It’s the best book Nicky wrote, (with The devil inside as a very, very close second!) in my opinion. It’s one of my all time favorites. The audio is still as amazing, though I have to add a little bitty thing that bothered me: though Adam Gold is the best narrator this book could have with all his distinctive voices, I really don’t like how he emphasis a word in almost each sentence he reads. His dialogue performances are so top notch that I get past it, but it’s something I can’t unhear once I noticed it.
*original review*
This book was one of my first MM reads a few years ago, and it's one of the first that blew me away completely. Since it was also my first Nicky James novel, I was absolutely impressed by her talent to write a story like this. A difficult story that was obviously very well researched. A different story too, because I hadn't read anything like it (and still haven't). This is a book on top of my all time favorites list, among a handful of others, and it's a book I will always recommend. It's top notch writing and that's why Nicky James became my favorite author instantly.
I don't know all that much about DID, but this story feels so real. Oryn's struggles, his painful and uncontrolled switches, losing time and not knowing how he ended up at certain places, his past trauma's and a childhood he hardly remembers. Sharing your body with 5 alters, day in, day out, having no control over who fronts and what happens when they do, how can you ever be able to make a life for yourself that's worthwhile?
I felt for him, ached for him. My heart broke for him too. It's never mentioned what exactly has happened to Oryn in his past, but the trauma's that caused his DID most likely had something to do with sexual abuse. There's only one alter, Cove, who has memories of that. Cove was created to protect Oryn, but because of that, he's the one hurting the most, resulting in self harm and self destruct.
I'm still overwhelmed about the idea of all these alters sharing Oryn's body. And not only that, but they each are their own person. They have their own personality's, their own sexuality's, their own needs and wants in life, and all they want is to be acknowledged. To be able to have their own role in the whole that makes them THEM. I loved how distinctive they all sounded, how different they were, how Nicky James gave them all their own voices.
You can't read this book and not love Vaughn. I believe everyone needs a Vaughn in their lives. I loved his patience, how driven he was to get to know Oryn and learn about his DID. And even though he was scared at times, he never backed away. He never left Oryn. He did everything he could to gain his trust, and not only Oryn's, but also from his alters. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to have a relationship with someone with a disorder like DID. Not knowing who you are dealing with all the time, not knowing whether you could be the cause for a switch. And how do you even know what to do when things happen? I really, really admired him for what he did and how he acted.
You have to love Evan too, Vaughn's best friend. He truly was a great friend, and even though he didn't always understand, he did his best to be there for Vaughn and not judge him.
I have re-read this book several times, and now I have also listened to the audio. Adam Gold is such an extraordinary narrator, more like a performer. The way he gives each of Oryn's alters their own voice, how they make them come to life, it was just perfect. He makes Oryn sound like I imagined, with his shy, soft voice, his stutter. Cove and Reed with their deep rumbles, Rain like the 5 year old, enthusiastic child he is. Softspoken Theo, and flamboyant, 19 years old Cohen - I can't imagine anyone doing a better job.
This is one of those books that every lover of MM romance should read. It's a book like no other, with a lot of feelings and emotions, characters you come to love tremendously. Yes, your heart will break, but I promise you it will heal again, and it has one of the most beautiful HEA's ever.
Highly, highly recommended.
*I already reviewed this book when I first read it, but for some reason my review disappeared 😢
I have read this book multiple times and it still not ceases to amaze me beyond words. It’s the best book Nicky wrote, (with The devil inside as a very, very close second!) in my opinion. It’s one of my all time favorites. The audio is still as amazing, though I have to add a little bitty thing that bothered me: though Adam Gold is the best narrator this book could have with all his distinctive voices, I really don’t like how he emphasis a word in almost each sentence he reads. His dialogue performances are so top notch that I get past it, but it’s something I can’t unhear once I noticed it.
*original review*
This book was one of my first MM reads a few years ago, and it's one of the first that blew me away completely. Since it was also my first Nicky James novel, I was absolutely impressed by her talent to write a story like this. A difficult story that was obviously very well researched. A different story too, because I hadn't read anything like it (and still haven't). This is a book on top of my all time favorites list, among a handful of others, and it's a book I will always recommend. It's top notch writing and that's why Nicky James became my favorite author instantly.
I don't know all that much about DID, but this story feels so real. Oryn's struggles, his painful and uncontrolled switches, losing time and not knowing how he ended up at certain places, his past trauma's and a childhood he hardly remembers. Sharing your body with 5 alters, day in, day out, having no control over who fronts and what happens when they do, how can you ever be able to make a life for yourself that's worthwhile?
I felt for him, ached for him. My heart broke for him too. It's never mentioned what exactly has happened to Oryn in his past, but the trauma's that caused his DID most likely had something to do with sexual abuse. There's only one alter, Cove, who has memories of that. Cove was created to protect Oryn, but because of that, he's the one hurting the most, resulting in self harm and self destruct.
I'm still overwhelmed about the idea of all these alters sharing Oryn's body. And not only that, but they each are their own person. They have their own personality's, their own sexuality's, their own needs and wants in life, and all they want is to be acknowledged. To be able to have their own role in the whole that makes them THEM. I loved how distinctive they all sounded, how different they were, how Nicky James gave them all their own voices.
You can't read this book and not love Vaughn. I believe everyone needs a Vaughn in their lives. I loved his patience, how driven he was to get to know Oryn and learn about his DID. And even though he was scared at times, he never backed away. He never left Oryn. He did everything he could to gain his trust, and not only Oryn's, but also from his alters. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to have a relationship with someone with a disorder like DID. Not knowing who you are dealing with all the time, not knowing whether you could be the cause for a switch. And how do you even know what to do when things happen? I really, really admired him for what he did and how he acted.
You have to love Evan too, Vaughn's best friend. He truly was a great friend, and even though he didn't always understand, he did his best to be there for Vaughn and not judge him.
I have re-read this book several times, and now I have also listened to the audio. Adam Gold is such an extraordinary narrator, more like a performer. The way he gives each of Oryn's alters their own voice, how they make them come to life, it was just perfect. He makes Oryn sound like I imagined, with his shy, soft voice, his stutter. Cove and Reed with their deep rumbles, Rain like the 5 year old, enthusiastic child he is. Softspoken Theo, and flamboyant, 19 years old Cohen - I can't imagine anyone doing a better job.
This is one of those books that every lover of MM romance should read. It's a book like no other, with a lot of feelings and emotions, characters you come to love tremendously. Yes, your heart will break, but I promise you it will heal again, and it has one of the most beautiful HEA's ever.
Highly, highly recommended.
*I already reviewed this book when I first read it, but for some reason my review disappeared 😢
January 2, 2025
* ☘︎ :･ﾟTOP 10 AUDIO 2022 :･ﾟ☘︎ *
5***** whole stars and more
I. AM. MIND BLOWN. by this book!
This was amazing, incredible, exceptionally wonderful and every other positive ott description you can think of. Many of you know that already and also fell deeply in love with this story.
For everyone who didn’t read it so far. Don’t miss out and pick it up.
I won’t get into the book itself too deep. Mainly because I’m left utterly speechless and missing the words to do this book justice. It’s a masterpiece of a romance. Unique and special. Fascinating. Heartbreaking and achingly beautiful.
*********
It’s the first time I read about DID (dissociative identity disorder). The first time I got an idea of what this disorder entails and how one lives and loves with it.
I loved Oryn. He really is a special character who will live in my heart for a long while, I think. But not only he. I loved meeting ALL his alters. They all were special and unique in their own way. But I must say, I grew most fond of care-free sweet Cohen and Cove, the tortured soul who broke my heart.
The song Cove wrote later — it almost made me cry it was so beautiful.
I loved to learn about their inner workings; about the function each alter was designated to within their inner system. It was fascinating and mind-blowing.
And the romance in this is another thing I am speechless about. So unique and special. Vaughn as the boyfriend on the outside was an amazing character. His struggles so real and understandable. I’m so glad he had the strength to love Oryn whole.
Seeing Vaughn forming a bond with all the alters and spending time with them was nothing less than heartwarming.
*********
This book pulled at all my heartstrings. And if you haven’t already I can only encourage you to read it. Or better yet, listen to the audio.
This was another thing amazing about it. Adam Gold really was gold for this particular story. He nailed it with all the characters. Gave each one of them something special and recognizable.
5***** whole stars and more
I. AM. MIND BLOWN. by this book!
This was amazing, incredible, exceptionally wonderful and every other positive ott description you can think of. Many of you know that already and also fell deeply in love with this story.
For everyone who didn’t read it so far. Don’t miss out and pick it up.
I won’t get into the book itself too deep. Mainly because I’m left utterly speechless and missing the words to do this book justice. It’s a masterpiece of a romance. Unique and special. Fascinating. Heartbreaking and achingly beautiful.
*********
I don’t really know anything about it, except a few movies I’ve seen—”
“P-please don’t base your knowledge on the movies. They are ins-sulting and incredibly inaccurate.”
It’s the first time I read about DID (dissociative identity disorder). The first time I got an idea of what this disorder entails and how one lives and loves with it.
I loved Oryn. He really is a special character who will live in my heart for a long while, I think. But not only he. I loved meeting ALL his alters. They all were special and unique in their own way. But I must say, I grew most fond of care-free sweet Cohen and Cove, the tortured soul who broke my heart.
What had I read about self-destructive alters? They carried the memories of the abuse, and they would protect those memories at all cost—even if it meant destroying the host body. They were built for that reason.
He shook his head with a pain so raw and unhidden all over his face. “I don’t want to hurt anymore.”
The song Cove wrote later — it almost made me cry it was so beautiful.
I loved to learn about their inner workings; about the function each alter was designated to within their inner system. It was fascinating and mind-blowing.
And the romance in this is another thing I am speechless about. So unique and special. Vaughn as the boyfriend on the outside was an amazing character. His struggles so real and understandable. I’m so glad he had the strength to love Oryn whole.
"... I understand you have many obstacles in your way when it comes to forming relationships, and I’m glad you’ve allowed me the chance to be part of your life.”
Seeing Vaughn forming a bond with all the alters and spending time with them was nothing less than heartwarming.
*********
This book pulled at all my heartstrings. And if you haven’t already I can only encourage you to read it. Or better yet, listen to the audio.
This was another thing amazing about it. Adam Gold really was gold for this particular story. He nailed it with all the characters. Gave each one of them something special and recognizable.
Together we are strong.
Together we will survive.
March 9, 2018
This was a fascinating picture of a man learning to love someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder (what was once called multiple personality disorder.) Vaughn meets Oryn in a college class, and suggests that as two people who seem to be outside the typical student attitudes, they might collaborate on the group project. Oryn at first seems like just a shy, smart, reclusive person, but over time, Vaughn sees moments when Oryn's whole behavior and attitude turn on a dime. At first he's puzzled and worried by these changes, but Oryn reveals that his body is in fact inhabited by five personalities or "alters". Those distinct individuals splintered out from his life at unknown times in the past, protecting him from a probable childhood of severe abuse. Oryn doesn't remember his past, because another personality protects him from it. Sheltered by his alters, he's trying to live a normal life while writing a book about his DID.
The descriptions of Oryn and his alters, their behavior and functions in his life, and how they either negotiated or switched consciousness at need or with triggers, was fascinating and felt well researched. From alter 5-year-old Rain, experiencing a happy childhood Oryn never had, to dark Cove, harming the body they all shared for reasons Oryn can't access, they all were distinct and fascinating. And as the book progressed, and Vaughn worked out how to interact with the alters as they appeared, I was cheering for their progress.
My only quibble with this book is that Vaughn is very perfect.
This story is about a unique main character, who doesn't get miraculously "cured" but has to find his own version of "okay" right to the ending. One of my favorite things about M/M is the inclusion of men who break the mold of romance hero, but get their HEA anyway. This is definitely one of those stories, and I really enjoyed it.
The descriptions of Oryn and his alters, their behavior and functions in his life, and how they either negotiated or switched consciousness at need or with triggers, was fascinating and felt well researched. From alter 5-year-old Rain, experiencing a happy childhood Oryn never had, to dark Cove, harming the body they all shared for reasons Oryn can't access, they all were distinct and fascinating. And as the book progressed, and Vaughn worked out how to interact with the alters as they appeared, I was cheering for their progress.
My only quibble with this book is that Vaughn is very perfect.
This story is about a unique main character, who doesn't get miraculously "cured" but has to find his own version of "okay" right to the ending. One of my favorite things about M/M is the inclusion of men who break the mold of romance hero, but get their HEA anyway. This is definitely one of those stories, and I really enjoyed it.
October 17, 2024
⊹ ⁺ ₊ ✧
Love Me Whole
┊
4 stars
✧ ₊ ⁺ ⊹
☆₊⋆ → thoughts┊They were so sweet together and the way the author handled DID with such care was everything 🤍
౨ৎ happy reading ౨ৎ
☆₊⋆ → thoughts┊They were so sweet together and the way the author handled DID with such care was everything 🤍
✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄☆⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧
౨ৎ happy reading ౨ৎ
January 27, 2025
I think this might be the ultimate hurt/comfort book.
That was… *sigh* just such a wonderful, moving tale about accepting another person and oneself as a whole and wholeheartedly.
This is the story of Vaughn and Oryn:
Oryn who suffered unimaginable trauma as a child and has therefore developed DID (dissociative identity disorder), which means he’s not only 29 y/o immensely shy and stuttering Oryn but also
Cohen, the 19 y/o flamboyant flirt;
Reed, the straight dude bro protector;
Rain the 5 y/o batman obsessed child that never had a chance to thrive before;
Theo, the ace, uber responsible organiser and
Cove, the self destructive alter who holds all the pain and trauma of their past.
This is the story of Vaughn learning to love all of them, and the story of Oryn learning to accept himself as a whole. Both arcs are written with extraordinary sensitivity, moving me to tears multiple times while the selfless, tender, soft love and unwavering acceptance between them warmed me from the inside out.
You can imagine, it takes a superbly talented narrator to bring all these people to life, and oh boy, Adam Gold delivered and then some. He is seriously a god-tier narrator and I wish he would do more MM. He’s just that good and his voice is seriously so sexy 🥵
My one critique is that the hurt/comfort dynamic felt a bit one-sided. While Vaughn’s patience and love for Oryn were incredible, I wish there had been moments where Oryn or one of his alters were able to comfort or support Vaughn in return. This would have added more balance to the relationship, especially given that the story spans over a couple of years.
All in all though, this was such a unique, incredibly well written book that will stay with me for a long time, I’m sure of it. 4,5⭐️
That was… *sigh* just such a wonderful, moving tale about accepting another person and oneself as a whole and wholeheartedly.
This is the story of Vaughn and Oryn:
Oryn who suffered unimaginable trauma as a child and has therefore developed DID (dissociative identity disorder), which means he’s not only 29 y/o immensely shy and stuttering Oryn but also
Cohen, the 19 y/o flamboyant flirt;
Reed, the straight dude bro protector;
Rain the 5 y/o batman obsessed child that never had a chance to thrive before;
Theo, the ace, uber responsible organiser and
Cove, the self destructive alter who holds all the pain and trauma of their past.
This is the story of Vaughn learning to love all of them, and the story of Oryn learning to accept himself as a whole. Both arcs are written with extraordinary sensitivity, moving me to tears multiple times while the selfless, tender, soft love and unwavering acceptance between them warmed me from the inside out.
You can imagine, it takes a superbly talented narrator to bring all these people to life, and oh boy, Adam Gold delivered and then some. He is seriously a god-tier narrator and I wish he would do more MM. He’s just that good and his voice is seriously so sexy 🥵
My one critique is that the hurt/comfort dynamic felt a bit one-sided. While Vaughn’s patience and love for Oryn were incredible, I wish there had been moments where Oryn or one of his alters were able to comfort or support Vaughn in return. This would have added more balance to the relationship, especially given that the story spans over a couple of years.
All in all though, this was such a unique, incredibly well written book that will stay with me for a long time, I’m sure of it. 4,5⭐️
March 6, 2023
Perfection!
Holy cow! All. The. Feels. This book was a roller coaster ride of heartbreak and joy! I loved every single minute of it! Vaughn's patience and persistence and understanding and love can only be described as heroic! Oryn and Cohen and Cove and Reed and Theo and Rain combine to make one of the greatest and most sympathetic and sweetest characters you will ever meet! I loved the ending but I hated for it to end! A billion stars all the way! Thank you to my bestie for recommending this book! 🤗
Holy cow! All. The. Feels. This book was a roller coaster ride of heartbreak and joy! I loved every single minute of it! Vaughn's patience and persistence and understanding and love can only be described as heroic! Oryn and Cohen and Cove and Reed and Theo and Rain combine to make one of the greatest and most sympathetic and sweetest characters you will ever meet! I loved the ending but I hated for it to end! A billion stars all the way! Thank you to my bestie for recommending this book! 🤗
February 24, 2023
A Heartbreaking & beautiful love story. This will make you believe in soulmates.
We get the POV of Vaughn who, after going back to college, navigates his new relationship with his college classmate Oryn who is unlike anyone he has never met.
Oryn struggles with Dissociative identity Disorder that results from severe traumatic abuse from his childhood. This resulted in Oryns identity being split into 6 different people to help him cope .
Vaughn has the patience & understanding of a saint and he’s definitely getting put in god tier book Boyfriends.
5/5 audio
We get the POV of Vaughn who, after going back to college, navigates his new relationship with his college classmate Oryn who is unlike anyone he has never met.
Oryn struggles with Dissociative identity Disorder that results from severe traumatic abuse from his childhood. This resulted in Oryns identity being split into 6 different people to help him cope .
Vaughn has the patience & understanding of a saint and he’s definitely getting put in god tier book Boyfriends.
5/5 audio
March 2, 2025
Book safety, content warnings, and tropes down below.
“Because when you love someone, you don’t get to just love the good stuff and turn it off when things are difficult. It doesn’t work like that. When you fall in love, you are accepting someone wholly and completely.”
I fiiiinally got and listened to the audiobook for this one and I’m just sad I didn’t do it sooner. It was just as amazing as the first time I read it — if not better because of my darling Adam Gold. He did such an amazing job with this book. I could’ve named all of the alters by his voice alone. They were very distinct yet never over the top or silly.
This book just hits on a different level. It is so real and gritty at times yet so very intimate and sweet in other moments. It doesn’t shy away from the difficulties of loving someone with a mental illness — or the mental illness itself for that matter. I have no personal experience with DID so obviously can’t say anything about the accuracy, but I can only imagine the author did a lot of research. It felt respectful and genuine.
“Oryn, you are the most amazing person I’ve ever known. There is no one in the world I’d rather be with. I’ve completely fallen in love with you.”
It’s obviously a very complicated relationship with a dynamic that can’t be easily explained. Like, what do you call a relationship where MC1 is in a relationship with MC2 but also with one of MC2’s other personalities; an alter who is very much his own person, yet a part of the ‘whole’ that is MC2? Yeah I don’t know either, but it works. It’s full of love, trust and understanding, all building in a realistic and healthy way.
Honestly, it’s one of those books in the genre that feels like it should be compulsory reading. If you’re okay with the content warnings (they’re pretty heavy), I highly recommend it.
⬇️ Blanket spoiler warning ⬇️
⚠️ Tropes & content tags ⚠️
Mental illness
Slow burn
Dissociative identity disorder
Age gap
School project
Past trauma
Low spice
Semi-public handjob
Hurt/comfort
Non-traditional poly
⚠️ Content warning ⚠️
Ableism (side characters)
Verbal bullying of MC by students
Alcohol consumption
Self harm scars
References to past childhood abuse (no details)
Detailed wounds from self harm (cutting)
Mention of prescription drug use
Misogynistic comments (MC’s friend)
On-page self harm (burns, scratching)
On-page suicidal ideation/wishing for death
Vomiting
References to past sexual abuse (no details)
Explicit sexual content
On-page dissociation
MC restraining other MC trying to self harm
Self-hatred
MC hospitalized (psychiatric ward)
⚠️Book safety ⚠️
Cheating: Vaughn briefly feels like he’s cheating on Oryn when he’s getting closer to Oryn’s alter, Cohen. They kiss and he feels terrible. Oryn wants Vaughn and Cohen to become closer and is not upset and does not feel cheated on. Even though Cohen is a separate personality, they’re still part of the same ‘whole’.
Other person drama: Reed, another alter who happens to be straight, sometimes checks out women and will flirt with them (off page), but all of Oryn’s alters have agreed that he’s the only one allowed to have a relationship (Cohen is later added), so nothing comes of Reed’s flirting and it never will.
Breakup: No
POV: 1st person, single
Genre: Contemporary romance
Pairing: M/M (+M)
Strict roles or versatile: Versatile — no switching
Main characters’ age: Vaughn: 35, Oryn: 28, Cohen: 19
Alters Vaughn isn’t in a relationship with: Rain: 5, Theo: 31, Cove: 26, Reed: 23
Series: Standalone
Kindle Unlimited: Yes
Pages: 378
Happy ending: Yes
“You’re a beautiful person, Oryn. Inside and out. Anyone who has discarded a chance to know you better is an idiot. Nothing about you is crazy or frightens me off. I just want you to know that.”
“Why?” I asked. “Why doesn’t he believe me?” Cohen moved onto my lap and I brought my second hand to explore his skin as well. “He believes you,” Cohen said against my ear. “But there are two sides at play here, Vaughn. Two people make a couple. Two sets of feelings should be considered. Oryn wants to have this with you, and, babe, right now, this is the only way he can do it.”
“Cream, no sugar?” he asked as he brought the cup to his lips for a sip. “Shit!” I removed it before he could get a mouthful and upended it in the sink. “Cut me some slack, you guys could at least take your coffees the same.”
You can find most of my reviews on Instagram as well: https://www.instagram.com/booksafety?...
“Because when you love someone, you don’t get to just love the good stuff and turn it off when things are difficult. It doesn’t work like that. When you fall in love, you are accepting someone wholly and completely.”
I fiiiinally got and listened to the audiobook for this one and I’m just sad I didn’t do it sooner. It was just as amazing as the first time I read it — if not better because of my darling Adam Gold. He did such an amazing job with this book. I could’ve named all of the alters by his voice alone. They were very distinct yet never over the top or silly.
This book just hits on a different level. It is so real and gritty at times yet so very intimate and sweet in other moments. It doesn’t shy away from the difficulties of loving someone with a mental illness — or the mental illness itself for that matter. I have no personal experience with DID so obviously can’t say anything about the accuracy, but I can only imagine the author did a lot of research. It felt respectful and genuine.
“Oryn, you are the most amazing person I’ve ever known. There is no one in the world I’d rather be with. I’ve completely fallen in love with you.”
It’s obviously a very complicated relationship with a dynamic that can’t be easily explained. Like, what do you call a relationship where MC1 is in a relationship with MC2 but also with one of MC2’s other personalities; an alter who is very much his own person, yet a part of the ‘whole’ that is MC2? Yeah I don’t know either, but it works. It’s full of love, trust and understanding, all building in a realistic and healthy way.
Honestly, it’s one of those books in the genre that feels like it should be compulsory reading. If you’re okay with the content warnings (they’re pretty heavy), I highly recommend it.
⬇️ Blanket spoiler warning ⬇️
⚠️ Tropes & content tags ⚠️
Mental illness
Slow burn
Dissociative identity disorder
Age gap
School project
Past trauma
Low spice
Semi-public handjob
Hurt/comfort
Non-traditional poly
⚠️ Content warning ⚠️
Ableism (side characters)
Verbal bullying of MC by students
Alcohol consumption
Self harm scars
References to past childhood abuse (no details)
Detailed wounds from self harm (cutting)
Mention of prescription drug use
Misogynistic comments (MC’s friend)
On-page self harm (burns, scratching)
On-page suicidal ideation/wishing for death
Vomiting
References to past sexual abuse (no details)
Explicit sexual content
On-page dissociation
MC restraining other MC trying to self harm
Self-hatred
MC hospitalized (psychiatric ward)
⚠️Book safety ⚠️
Cheating: Vaughn briefly feels like he’s cheating on Oryn when he’s getting closer to Oryn’s alter, Cohen. They kiss and he feels terrible. Oryn wants Vaughn and Cohen to become closer and is not upset and does not feel cheated on. Even though Cohen is a separate personality, they’re still part of the same ‘whole’.
Other person drama: Reed, another alter who happens to be straight, sometimes checks out women and will flirt with them (off page), but all of Oryn’s alters have agreed that he’s the only one allowed to have a relationship (Cohen is later added), so nothing comes of Reed’s flirting and it never will.
Breakup: No
POV: 1st person, single
Genre: Contemporary romance
Pairing: M/M (+M)
Strict roles or versatile: Versatile — no switching
Main characters’ age: Vaughn: 35, Oryn: 28, Cohen: 19
Alters Vaughn isn’t in a relationship with: Rain: 5, Theo: 31, Cove: 26, Reed: 23
Series: Standalone
Kindle Unlimited: Yes
Pages: 378
Happy ending: Yes
“You’re a beautiful person, Oryn. Inside and out. Anyone who has discarded a chance to know you better is an idiot. Nothing about you is crazy or frightens me off. I just want you to know that.”
“Why?” I asked. “Why doesn’t he believe me?” Cohen moved onto my lap and I brought my second hand to explore his skin as well. “He believes you,” Cohen said against my ear. “But there are two sides at play here, Vaughn. Two people make a couple. Two sets of feelings should be considered. Oryn wants to have this with you, and, babe, right now, this is the only way he can do it.”
“Cream, no sugar?” he asked as he brought the cup to his lips for a sip. “Shit!” I removed it before he could get a mouthful and upended it in the sink. “Cut me some slack, you guys could at least take your coffees the same.”
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May 26, 2023
Loved this! Such a good book I had such a hard time putting it down. It’s so nice to read a book so unique that I had no idea what was going to happen.
I put off reading this book for a while because I thought it would be really emotional and angsty but it’s actually surprisingly light and sweet and wholesome.
I put off reading this book for a while because I thought it would be really emotional and angsty but it’s actually surprisingly light and sweet and wholesome.
September 22, 2024
This book was unique, special, gritting, unconventional,complicated AF to say the least, heartbreaking and heartwarming. I will never forget it 🫶
“You guys all have to understand how hard it is being on the outside of all this.”
“And you need to understand how hard it is being on the inside of all this.”
The system:
Oryn 🥹❤️🩹 the whole
Rain ✏️ the innocent
Cohen 🌈 the light
Reed 💪 the protector
Theo 🧭 the compass
Cove 💔the warrior
Together we are strong. Together we will survive.
I won’t fade into darkness. I will be heard.
Ps: the ring almost drown me in tears of pure happiness 🥹 also Vaughn is a damn unicorn ❤️
I have a lot more to say, some good, some rants, some wishful thinking… I will be back to complete this, for now full heart ♥️
“You guys all have to understand how hard it is being on the outside of all this.”
“And you need to understand how hard it is being on the inside of all this.”
The system:
Oryn 🥹❤️🩹 the whole
Rain ✏️ the innocent
Cohen 🌈 the light
Reed 💪 the protector
Theo 🧭 the compass
Cove 💔the warrior
Together we are strong. Together we will survive.
I won’t fade into darkness. I will be heard.
Ps: the ring almost drown me in tears of pure happiness 🥹 also Vaughn is a damn unicorn ❤️
I have a lot more to say, some good, some rants, some wishful thinking… I will be back to complete this, for now full heart ♥️
October 26, 2024
Reread: October 2024
Initial read: September 2020
All the stars. Wow. This book, and these men, stole my heart and left me with no words. Well, I’ll still find a few words to tell you about them. 😘
When Vaughn hears two people making fun of a man in in his night class, he tells them off and reaches out to the shy man to pair together for the class project. Oryn explains to Vaughn that he is different and may be difficult to work with. Dissociative identity disorder means he sometimes switches with one of his alters, and has no control over when it happens and no memories afterwards. Vaughn is attracted to Oryn, but decides to become friends, pushing aside his initial attraction.
As they get to know each other, the attraction is growing, and Vaughn realizes it’s not one sided. Oryn’s outgoing flirty alter Cohen is there to push for more but Vaughn doesn’t know how he feels about that. They are so different. Is he attracted to Cohen or Oryn? Can he date both men? He is lost and confused.
Vaughn needs to accept and learn to love every part of Oryn. And Oryn needs to learn the same thing about himself to be able to function better, and get all his alters to coexist and cooperate. Cohen the flirty 19yo. Rain the 5yo child. Reed the straight tough guy. Theo the calm organizer of his life. And Cove, the self-destructive man who suffered all the child abuse Oryn erased from his own memories.
“Each side of Oryn was different, but every piece fit together to form a whole. They were all a part of the man I loved. And I’d do anything for that man.”
I was intrigued by this story, but I was worried it would be confusing, with all the alters, and was worried the romance would be diminished. I was so wrong.
This is a beautiful incredible love story.
Love. Kindness. Patience. Healing.
❤️❤️❤️
Initial read: September 2020
All the stars. Wow. This book, and these men, stole my heart and left me with no words. Well, I’ll still find a few words to tell you about them. 😘
When Vaughn hears two people making fun of a man in in his night class, he tells them off and reaches out to the shy man to pair together for the class project. Oryn explains to Vaughn that he is different and may be difficult to work with. Dissociative identity disorder means he sometimes switches with one of his alters, and has no control over when it happens and no memories afterwards. Vaughn is attracted to Oryn, but decides to become friends, pushing aside his initial attraction.
As they get to know each other, the attraction is growing, and Vaughn realizes it’s not one sided. Oryn’s outgoing flirty alter Cohen is there to push for more but Vaughn doesn’t know how he feels about that. They are so different. Is he attracted to Cohen or Oryn? Can he date both men? He is lost and confused.
Vaughn needs to accept and learn to love every part of Oryn. And Oryn needs to learn the same thing about himself to be able to function better, and get all his alters to coexist and cooperate. Cohen the flirty 19yo. Rain the 5yo child. Reed the straight tough guy. Theo the calm organizer of his life. And Cove, the self-destructive man who suffered all the child abuse Oryn erased from his own memories.
“Each side of Oryn was different, but every piece fit together to form a whole. They were all a part of the man I loved. And I’d do anything for that man.”
I was intrigued by this story, but I was worried it would be confusing, with all the alters, and was worried the romance would be diminished. I was so wrong.
This is a beautiful incredible love story.
Love. Kindness. Patience. Healing.
❤️❤️❤️
April 27, 2025
idk i think this is a sign that i need to stay away from nicky’s books. i liked vaughn and oryn together, but their story overall fell flat for me. i will say the romance between them was nice, but nothing noteworthy. they were pretty fluffy, but there were some moments where things went south. as someone who likes drama in books, they resolved their problems a bit too fast in my opinion.
i wanted to know more about oryn’s alters, especially cove and cohen. they apparently had an on and off again relationship, but it wasn’t really explained. i was curious to hear how that would’ve worked out with them being in the same body. also, i was intrigued to hear what exactly happened to oryn when he was younger, but i don’t believe there were any details. i get that vaughn had to tread lightly on some topics, but you’re telling me he wasn’t even a little curious to know what happened? considering how close he became with all the alters, i thought that someone would have eventually elaborated. i just feel unsatisfied and am left with unanswered questions.
i wanted to know more about oryn’s alters, especially cove and cohen. they apparently had an on and off again relationship, but it wasn’t really explained. i was curious to hear how that would’ve worked out with them being in the same body. also, i was intrigued to hear what exactly happened to oryn when he was younger, but i don’t believe there were any details. i get that vaughn had to tread lightly on some topics, but you’re telling me he wasn’t even a little curious to know what happened? considering how close he became with all the alters, i thought that someone would have eventually elaborated. i just feel unsatisfied and am left with unanswered questions.
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