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208 pages, Hardcover
Published October 15, 2019
I would look down on the river-delta,
the silver and pearl of the stretch-marks
on the wine-skins, and I was glad it worked,
but something in me did not join in,
as if I wanted to save some freedom
or humanness from female animalness,
from motherness.
...
When she helped
a tiny arm into a sleeve--
or cookied, or bathed, or nursed -- she loved,
but this had been not only love,
it had been like swimming in a flood, treading water
to stay up, live or die. Live,
and die. (37)
From "A Pair of Sonnets Against the Corporal Chastisement of Children" (7)Also: "Fear of Motherhood Aria" (37), "I Think My Mother" (91), "Landing in San Francisco on the Way to a Community of Writers (with a line from Tom Waits)" (164)
What falls is something
let go of, something gravity
is hauling to it, to tiramisu it--
dessert that says pull me to you. The liver
and lights of the body that the blow strikes are not
magnets, the blow is neither drawn
to its objects nor floated down from its source--
a blow is driven, by an engine, it is
the expression of a heart.
From "Aria to Our Miscarried One, Age 50 Now" (23)
Hi mystery,
hi matter, hi spirit moving through matter.
Twenty years ago, when your father
left me, I wanted to hold hands with you,
my friend in death, the dead one I'd known
best -- and not at all -- who had
deserted this life or been driven from it,
I your garden, oasis, desert.
And I'd never laid down a stone for you,
you seemed like a byway on the path from your sister
to your brother. You who were part-formed,
how close I could have felt to you if I'd
known what a hidden story I still
was to myself.