Disassembly Required: A Memoir of Midlife Resurrection

by Beverly Willett

After a small-town southern girl turned New Yorker watches her American Dream implode, she musters the courage to begin again—resurrecting the powerful woman her daughters had glimpsed during their family’s darkest times.

I scrolled to voicemail on my husband’s cell phone. Instantly I heard a woman’s voice I’d never heard before.

“I love you. Call me at home,” the voice said.

My hand trembled. I inhaled my tears and stuffed my wails inside so the children, one floor above, wouldn’t hear.

“Want to come over here tomorrow and have a little time to be private instead of meeting at the office?” the voice continued.

Fear exploded in my chest. I couldn’t swallow. I wanted to bolt the doors and keep my family in suspended animation, safe and rolled up in their covers until I could figure out what to do next…

A raw and riveting memoir, Disassembly Required invites readers along, moment by gut-wrenching moment, on one woman’s journey from betrayal and devastation to resilience and recovery. From learning of her husband’s affair, to family court, to life as a single mother, Beverly Willett perseveres in resisting injustice, the loss of her family unit, and the sale of the beautiful Brooklyn Brownstone her family had called home.

Willett knows selling her house will require taking inventory of her possessions; she does not realize it will require taking inventory of herself. But as she surrenders her hopes for a life that hasn’t turned out the way she imagined, the world opens back up. And Willett leaps toward it, embracing uncertainty.

Disassembly Required is a story of quiet struggle and persistence. Unflinchingly honest in its examination of the discomforts of change, it celebrates the opportunities for transformation.

Genres: Memoir

288 pages, Hardcover

Published July 30, 2019

Reviews

[Jill Meyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hooray, hooray, Beverly Willett has moved on! I've followed Beverly's life since she began writing about it in the early 2000's. Her husband, a New York lawyer, left her and their two daughters after admitting he was having an affair with a fellow lawyer. He applied for a divorce from Beverly, and she refused. She refused because she thought her marriage should last forever and that her husband would return to her and their marriage...sometime. She railed against no-fault divorce, now the basic law of the land. For years, I wanted to sit her down and say, gently, gently, "He doesn't love you anymore and he's not coming back. YOU are worth more, much more than you're getting now. Please mourn your dead marriage and move on. Please." But, of course, I didn't know Beverly, so I couldn't do that.

In her memoir, "Disassembly Required: A Memoir of Midlife Resurrection", she writes movingly about...moving on. It took her quite some time to accept their divorce, but, with the exception of some bitter asides, she's taken a new, accepting view of herself and others. Whether it's because of religious worship - Episcopalian and Bhuddist - or her practice of yoga or just age's mellowing, she seems to be in a new place in her life. She sent her daughters off to college and lives on their own, and she put her house in Brooklyn for sale. The time and effort she took in cleaning out the house was helpful in cleaning out her past life; family papers, pictures, and letters were considered and often pitched.

Beverly Willett's memoir ends where it should; she's on her way to contentment.

[Pattie aka Grand · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky enough to meet Willett when she spoke about her book to a group I belong to. My life does not not reflect the circumstances that Willett shockingly faced when her husband committed infidelity and wanted out of their marriage, leaving her to raise two daughters and try to keep the home that they had grown up in with little assistance. Not only her husband but the judicial system turned on her and punished her for doing what Willett and her husband had agreed on. I am married for almost 47 years to my college sweetheart and still live in the same home that he built for us (literally brick by brick.) However, we all have experienced betrayal at the hands of a friend, or a relative and feel blindsided.

She struggled to keep to what was normal while creating a new normal at the same time; to free herself from what was holding her back while trying to find something else to grab on to. Willett’s pain is so raw on the pages that you can feel it, even though I knew that she’s had finally emerged happy and healthy on the other side.

My favorite part as she talks about releasing her “stuff” (& his “crap” that he left behind for a decade), Willett decides to keep only the 1973 Good Housekeeping Cookbook. The same cookbook that graces my kitchen and the kitchens of my kids and our place at the beach. It really is the only one you need.

[KC Allan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a brilliant account of how objects hold talismanic power over our concepts of "self" and "happiness" in the context of family and home. A unique and brave look at how breaking down "camp" is essential to pitching a new one elsewhere- the origin story of mankind. It's so unusual to read a story that devolves rather than evolves to build to the climax. I couldn't put it down. Brava to Willett! An essential reader for anyone undergoing unwelcome change.

[Jeff Garrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

The framework of this story is rather simple. The author sells of her home in Brooklyn, New York and moves to Savannah, Georgia. But we quickly learn that this was not an easy decision. Willett had placed so much hope in the brownstone house she’d sold. It was her nest where she raised her children. But eventually, she would be the only one living there. Her husband had abandoned her for another woman, and the house held the memories of when she had learned of his betrayal. The house also held the memories of her daughters, but once the last had started college, the big house was lonely and too much to maintain. Knowing the difficulty to keep the house and feeling she needed a new start, Willett decided to sell. Once that decision is made, there is much to be done as the reader learns about hoarding and the decisions, we must make about saving and storing stuff, along with our reluctance to let go of stuff. Then there’s the work to the home, the real estate listing, the waiting, and finally the selling of the home as the author heads south.

This story is more than just what is required to sell a house. It’s a spiritual journey as the author struggles to come to term with her relationship to stuff. From the house itself to all its contents, to the people around her, like her, are changing. Willett, who grew up a Southern Baptist who had married a secular Jew, discusses the role her faith plays as she comes to depend on it more and more as she becomes more active within an Episcopal congregation while also spending time learning the wisdom and mediation practices of Buddhism. The reader will identity with Willett as she makes this transformation that eventually leads her to her new life in Savannah and perhaps learn for her new wisdom. I recommend this book to all readers. I expect those going through difficult mid-life changes would find this book helpful and encouraging.

I am a friend of Beverly Willetts and have been in a writing group with her that meets at Flannery O’Conner’s childhood home in Savannah since 2015. I purchased the book myself and did not receive compensation in exchange of writing this book review.

[Debra Hellman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished reading this book for the 2nd time. I loved it so much the 1st time, I had to re-read it ASAP.
The author proves to be amazing - a tough, yet gentle, strong, determined and loving woman, who has endured so much but found the resilience to come out smarter and better. I do believe it's true that what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. I sadly experienced a similar situation in my divorce, but I like the author rebounded - determined my 4 children were well taken care of, were on the road to success and knew how much I adored them.
All of this comes through in this beautifully written, insightful, profound story. Willett is an extremely talented writer, so very skilled at bringing the reader along for the emotional ride. At the beginning of the book, I felt sorry for her and sad with her. By the end, she showed me how resilient, smart and self-aware she is.
The book is outstanding, honest and deeply moving. I cried with and for the author and today I smile for her - for her success, strength and tenacity. This book is a must read for anyone struggling through divorce. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and this honest memoir teaches how to get there.

[Cathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book just spoke to me. I needed this book. I have so much clutter to clean up in my house and Beverly Willett helped me with some things I have been stuggling with. I am a very sentimental person and so I haven't gotten rid of hardly anything. But she has helped me to see that I can declutter and live through it. But there were other things too. The things she said in the book reminded me of myself. I couldn't believe how her words resembled me. I thank her for this. It will be a book I will look at many times. It's one I won't be able to part with.

[Lisa Weldon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should be required reading for every woman (and mother) facing divorce. Willett absolutely nails the range of emotions one faces when dreams are shattered. Beautifully written. I loved this book.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful story

I really enjoyed the book! Beverly had to overcome so much and I enjoyed seeing her put the pieces together and build herself back up as a wonderful, Independent woman! Thank you for sharing your story!

[Harmonie Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

Willett is a white, upper middle class Boomer who experiences divorce. She writes with nostalgia and longing for the idyllic life she wanted as a wife and mother. I have experienced divorce and chose this book with hope that I would feel encouraged and empowered by her story; instead, I felt irritated and annoyed at her entitlement, whining, ability to hoard massive amounts of things for a large house, while solely blaming her husband for the end of the marriage. She constantly refers to her adult daughters as "the children" like she is stuck in time when they were preschoolers. She writes this memoir for herself and tells her truth. Listening to the audiobook caused me to roll my eyes multiple times.

[Julie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I concede that I was not the right reader for this book. I am sure that anyone whose experience tracks more with the author's would find much meaning here.

[Wilson Oyeh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing