Color Me Butterfly: A True Story of Courage, Hope and Transformation

by L.Y. Marlow

Inspired by a true story, Color Me Butterfly follows four generations of mothers and daughters—haunted by a common specter of domestic abuse—as they discover the strength, hope, and courage to survive.

The last thing Eloise Bingham wanted was to leave the comforts of her South Carolina home and family. But at the end of World War II, the young wife follows her husband, Isaac, to Philadelphia—only to experience his sinister and violent temper. Eloise’s children—and their children and grandchildren—will face their own trials over the next sixty years: Mattie, who has lived in her mother Eloise’s shadow, finds it takes a life-changing tragedy to help her break free; Lydia, Mattie’s strong-willed daughter, summons the resolve to rise above the cycle of abuse; and finally, Treasure, Lydia’s lively daughter, has the chance to be the first to escape her family’s destructive legacy.

It will take unconditional love, old-fashioned family values, faith, and fearless determination—already embedded in each woman’s DNA—to triumph over a life plagued with unspeakable pain.

Genres: Fiction, Historical Fiction, Book Club, Novels, African American, Abuse

422 pages, Paperback

First published February 5, 2007

About the author

L.Y. Marlow is the award winning author of Color Me Butterfly, the compelling and heart wrenching story that inspired Saving Promise—a national domestic violence prevention organization inspired by five generations of mothers and daughters in her family that survived more than sixty years of domestic violence, and her granddaughter, a little girl named Promise.

Her sophomore novel, A Life Apart (Penguin Random House; April 2014) tells the poignant and compelling story of a decades-long interracial love affair between a white sailor and the sister of the black sailor who saved his life at Pearl Harbor.

Her books are hailed as a favorite amongst book lovers and book clubs. Regularly featured on national and local TV, radio, blogs, and print, L.Y. is a dedicated and sought after empowerment lecturer and spokeswoman for domestic violence prevention. Her authentic voice—an ordinary woman with an extraordinary story—is fast becoming an inspiring talent.

Reviews

[Lashanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It takes you back to a time when women stuck by their husbands through the good AND the bad. Today, a lot of us women would have a hard time accepting the choices these ladies made. Lydia introduces us to the curse that affected four generations in her family. Even though each women chose to suffer in silence, they come to accept things for what they were. Eventually, life changes are made.

This book was well written and has great flow.

[Yasmin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did enjoy this book very much. It gives a very concise look at how women get caught up in abusive relationships and how they come to be in them longer than others would think humanly possible. There are no angels in this book and yet there are countless innocents. Some could criticise this book for not delving deeper and giving the whys for the abusive men. It is a reality for those in the relationships not to know the reason why. When children get beaten by a parent or both parents it is true that then the child grows into being abusive as well, but this isn't always the case. Social and economic factors can be at play, L.Y. Marlow touches on this point, for her characters. But in the case of Lloyd there is no knowing what makes a man like him violent. There are no pat answers to anything in this life. Not always a direct cause and effect and unless all readers are in a similar situation some can't comment that there isn't enough background, because maybe in reality there is no way of knowing. It is a tragic story, full of great pain and terrible sadness, however, there is always hope at the root.
My one area I felt things didn't altogether gel was the background history. The deaths of Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr. and the attempt on Ronald Regan's life, all that surfacing briefly seemed strangely disjointed. As if we needed a reminder of where in history the people fitted into. But although a family member was affected by these true events it was as tho' the author decided to tell us what a newspaper headline was. It seemed as tho' it had no real place in the story, if only to tell the passage of years. None of these events in history had any real bearing on the people in the book. Whether the men lived or died wouldn't have made any difference in these peoples lives. Why should it? Unless one of those three men or all of them had made a point to expressly discuss and fight to resolve domestic violence nothing would change for the women and their children. Indeed even now when there is another generation in this family no President has discussed domestic violence. Whether it is physical abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse or sexual abuse there is a profound silence by governments, officials and other people. It's not any of my business so I'll say nothing is what people say or there must be two sides to this...no matter what a person says or does they never ever deserve to battered or made to feel like dirt or even to be raped even if the couple have been married for years. Rape is still rape who ever is involved and what their relation to each other is. It's still rape even if the other agrees in fear or any other coercion. If a person is reluctant for any kind of sexual activity and would rather say "No" if given the opportunity then it is rape without a doubt. Domestic violence takes many forms and there is no set way it manifests itself or how people involved react to it. If we know of someone in an abusive relationship we want them to get out of it as soon as possible to save themselves. However, there are many situations in life where this is not possible. There isn't always a shelter for victims, there isn't always money the victims can have readily at hand to flee the abusive home and sometimes the people want to give the abuser another chance to find that person they were initially attracted to or to give any children a sense of "family". There are many reasons I won't go into here because I'm not in an abusive relationship. However, I will say this as readers it's not our place to say whether there is more background to the abusers or whether or not the families should have done something before they did. Unless we are one of the individuals in the situation we can't pass comment on things like that, even if some of us are in abusive relationships or have ever been in one, each situation is different even if there are glaring similarities. Having said all this I think it is a remarkable book and I look forward to L.Y. Marlow's second book.

[Trudy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the story of family of women who got caught in a generational cycle of abuse by the men in their lives. I have always been interested in the psychology of what makes a woman stay in such abusive relationships. I did get some insights into their feelings of shame, isolation,damaged self esteem and enduring for their children's sakes. Every slap, punch, kick, or named called I read about hurt me deeply and I hated these men. However, this book taught me the importance of forgiveness(which takes tremendous courage) and the distructive nature of hatred. I couldn't understand how they could possibly ever forgive someone who had done so many hurtful things, but I think I get it now. Mattie said something like,"Years of bitterness doesn't get you anything. It takes time from your life which you can never get back." This realization was a part of breaking the cycle.
Another important aspect of this book was the amazing strength of all the mothers. Each dealt with their own personal issues as well as those of each of their children. Each child (regardless of age)had something going on for their mother to worry about (abuse, young pregnancies, mental illness, gangs...) Many times, they were all needy at the same time. I wish I could just embrace these mothers and tell them their needs are important, too. Then again, this is part of the reason they allowed themselves to be abused in the first place.They felt devalued.
This was such a powerful book. I highly recommend it.

[Nandi Crawford · Rating 5 out of 5]

This isn't the prettiest story but it's someone's story nonetheless. It is a story of four generations of women. It starts when Isaac Bingham leaves the South and finds work in the north; when he returns home, he meets the young lady that will become his wife, Eloise, falls in love and brings her north too. It seems when they start having children, the violence began. He would beat her and the kids. make them eat rat if they pee the bed; aww he was the ghetto Hannibal Lector. Out of that union, Mattie, Lydia's mother, grows up and marry the man who becomes her husband and the father for Lydia, and though he's abusive, he ends up dying young. Lydia, the next generation, gets with the man who is her daughter's father and he's abusive as well. (I guess you see the pattern here) and for the sake of her daughter, she breaks free from that. This book is about the women who endure the abuse and break free in their own way. Eloise leaves Isaac, but years later after the kids are grown and she divorces him, she goes back only to leave him again. Mattie marries again and finds happiness in that union and Lydia seeing the pattern wrote this book so to break the pattern. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this book. seriously.

[Sabrina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I gave this book 4 stars because I read it in no time so it must have been interesting to me.

It was really hard for me to read because it hit home for me as it probably does for many women. Not that I was ever abused by a man, but I was raised by and around women who were. This book was given to me years ago by my mother. I wouldn't say that we are astranged but our relationship is far from what it should be.

As I was reading I found myself wondering if she gave it to me to help me understand what her younger life had been like. Of course this is from the points of view of the women and the men are depicted as monsters, completely uncaring or unworthy of mention. I won't comment on the men because I only got one side of the story and if even a shred of what is written is true, none of them deserve any of my cognitive energy.

I think these women overcame horrible circumstances and went on to be educated and successful. They didn't allow the world to create boundaries for them and while the story is tragic it is inspirational and unfortunately very common.

Very hard to read.

[Nakia · Rating 1 out of 5]

I would not have finished this had it not been a book club selection. Sad story, but not well written, in my opinion. It seemed to read like a list of abusive events, with no depth, no why's behind it all. I understand the author's purpose in telling the story, though. I just did not enjoy reading it and couldn't wait to finish so I could move on to something better.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Generational curses

If it's one thing a lot of us know a lot about it's generational curses. This book tore my heart up at certain points and made me want to cry one minute, and kill someone the next. Women were taught a beating meant "he's just stressed" or "he won't do it again". That mentality carried on for decades in the lives of each generation because no one was taught otherwise. It's sad. It's real. Men who see abuse think that's how women should be treated, and women who watch their mom take it think they're supposed to take it too. I can only hope that as Treasure embarks on her college journey she has the strength and knowledge to make the right decisions. I'd actually love to be able to read a follow up book about Treasure. This was definitely a great read.

[Kasa Cotugno · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lydia tells her story in a voice that is resonant with courage. She uses the experiences of four generations of women, from her grandmother through her daughter, to chronicle a history of domestic abuse that in some cases defies belief. It would be almost too much to bear as fiction; as memoir, it is devastating. What makes these remarkable women so strong and gives them the wherewithal to survive is their unbreakable spirit and love for one another and their families. The fact that at least two of them were able to find love and security after experiencing inhuman abuse is remarkable. Although presented as a novel, this is a family memoir with beautiful pictures. The author can be forgiven for creating portraits of women that are uniformly saintly with no negative details as they are her beloved relatives who have never shown her anything but love and support. Included are several of her beautiful poems, personal and gracious.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Color me butterfly was a good read four generations of abuse at the hands of mans, from husband, to boyfriend, to grandfather. Then women behind the story from mother, to grandmother , to great-grandmother to see the changes and the strenght they had. Elosie didn't know marrying Isaac would be like it was and the six kids she had to rasied by herself would be so hard. Then there ws mattie who start to be aubuse just like her mother until tragedy change her life, and break her free from the pass her mother had. And then there was Lydia daughter of mattie she was stronger then the other women in her life she wasn't going to take what her mother and greatmother went thought.And then it was treasure she carrie the hope and ferless determination. Women today is going thought the same thing, and being abuse.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing book, I highly recommend it to everyone. I found it so hard to put it down. So many parts of the book got me so thoroughly involved that my stomach would clench and I would try and read faster and faster to get to the next part. It amazes me the strength that people carry within them and how they can continue on with their lives and still experience growth when it seems impossible. I loved each person's foundation of growth slowly meandered it's way down through the generations of women that the story is about even though each generation had it's trials. Definitely worth the read.

[Crown Publishing · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could not put this book down - and I needed a copious amount of tissues. Inspired by a true story, this haunting tale proves that it's possible to rise above the unspeakable pains in our lives and create something beautiful. It follows four generations of women and children coping with domestic abuse and the strength, hope and courage that they had to discover within themselves.

[Megan Mulder · Rating 3 out of 5]

This could have easily been 5 stars with better writing skills. Wonderful Story line and a gripping topic, but poorly executed. I found myself glossing over full paragraphs just to say I had finished it.

[Dženita Kurtić-Murtić]

This book brought out so many emotions in me that I couldn’t put it down. This is a true story of courage, hope, and transformation. Book about four generations of mothers and daughters haunted by domestic abuse.

[Kathy Rhode · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good book. Although you wonder why some of the women reacted the way they did, you still get how strong they are.

[Brandi Bryant · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it. Inspirational, poignant and beautifully told.

[Tiffeny · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very powerful story of one family’s legacy of abuse, survival, recovery & love. I wish more details were given about Lydia’s brothers, especially after she wrote how she was afraid of one while growing up. Instead, beyond mentioning that he was at some family events, nothing more was said. Also, it’s mentioned how Mattie would use the belt to teach her son not to hit girls. Granted, spanking & other methods were not uncommon patenting techniques at that time, but a lesson to not abuse done with abuse, I think, should have been talked about more (it was very clear that Mattie, overall, was a wonderful mother, though). The underlying messages of strength & hope were very inspiring, though. I am sure they have helped many people in tough situations.

[Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

Technically, the book is labeled as fiction, but the basics of the story are a true account of the struggles involving four generations of one family going down the maternal line (and there are some pictures included). It's a tough book to read, difficult to imagine how these women overcame their circumstances, difficult to understand why they stuck around with some men for as long as they did. I enjoyed the few poems in the book, but, overall, I couldn't connect with the writing.

[Gayle Cappelluti · Rating 3 out of 5]

Color Me Butterfly is the retrospective of a matriarchy that suffers every kind of abuse and heartache known to woman only to survive, thrive, and overcome with deep love and an ever abiding commitment to each other. Many of the harrowing stories are hard to read, nevermind how difficullt it had to be to live through them. However, this family continued to push forward, and by doing so, deserve all the respect I can give.

[Valerie Mauk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspired by a true story, Color Me Butterfly follows four generations of mothers and daughters—haunted by a common specter of domestic abuse—as they discover the strength, hope, and courage to survive.

Breaking this cycle of abuse is difficult to achieve as each generation of women suffer at the hands of drunken husbands.

I enjoyed this book immensely and recommend it to women of all ages.

[Tammy Johnson Winkler · Rating 5 out of 5]

INCREDIBLE! This book has been hanging around my house for years. I picked it up a few days ago and could not put it down. A true story about an incredible family. I wish I knew these people. They are kind, generous and love with their whole beings. This book is one of my top 5 books that I have ever read.

[The Unique, Sophisticated Girlfriends Inspirational Reading and Literary Society (U.S. G.I.R.L.S.) · Rating 5 out of 5]

We read Color Me Butterfly and discussed November 3rd, 2004. It was an amazing discussion and author, LY Marlow, her mother and daughter all called in to participate in Q&A

This book is about the cycle of domestic violence and how is spanned over 3 generations of women in the same family

[Reena Matthews · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book like 20 times!!! I love how it tells the family story from generation to generation my favorite character was of course Lydia. I love how strong she was and how her relationship with treasure grew. it was a GREAT READ!

[xol · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very powerful book: Shedding light on the cycle of generational trauma, as well as showcasing how oftentimes, women would force themselves to forgive their abusers in hopes that they'd change and/or to keep their children in a two parent household.

[Misty’s Reading Nook · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this novel from beginning to end. Exceptionally written and very thought provoking. It will have you tearing out your heart and cheering for a better tomorrow for those unforgettable characters. Definitely a page turner

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

A heartbreaking true story of domestic abuse over several generations of one family. The men in their lives were brutes, but the women possessed great strength and courage to improve their lot. Sad but inspiring too.

[Sarah Donovan · Rating 3 out of 5]

generational abuse, mothers and daughters, memoir-novel hybrid

[LaQuita Logan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book spoke to emotions that have no words! The relationships, the heartbreak, the instabilities of everyday living, and the inability of everyday living make this book a must read!

[FondaRay · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read this book twice and could read it over and over again. The story is so raw. It will take you on an emotional journey.

[Margie Pearson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was pretty good.

[Rosie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good