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The Kindness Method: Change Your Habits for Good Using Self-Compassion and Understanding
The Kindness Method is the key to breaking unwanted habits—for good! Combining her own therapeutic style, personal experiences, and techniques learned from working in the field of substance abuse, Shahroo Izadi shares simple steps that strengthen your willpower like a muscle, allowing you to sustain your motivation and make lasting change in your life.
Shahroo’s completely non-judgmental process for mapping and channeling your habits is based on the principle of treating yourself with the compassion and understanding that it is often only reserved for other people. From procrastination to issues of body image, this method works by creating a custom plan—mapped by you, for you, and driven by self-motivation.
193 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 26, 2018
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3130 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 193 reviews
June 21, 2018
The Kindness Method is a self-help guide to help you change a habit permanently and I’m not entirely sure if it does. There was an awful lot of waffle before the book really got started. The author does say that 80% of her clients are there for addiction issues and her field of experience is in substance misuse and I felt that this book was for those people.
It didn’t feel like a self help workbook for the general public to use improve their lives. It appears to have got a lot of positive reviews elsewhere so maybe this book just wasn’t for me.
Free arc from netgalley
It didn’t feel like a self help workbook for the general public to use improve their lives. It appears to have got a lot of positive reviews elsewhere so maybe this book just wasn’t for me.
Free arc from netgalley
December 5, 2018
The Kindness Method is a self-help guide to help you change a habit for good. This might be something big or something small. Shahroo Izadi has developed this method via her experience of working with clients with addictions. But this method isn’t just for addictions – it about changing any habit and can just as easily be applied to taking up something, such as getting fit, as giving something up.
Shahroo’s approach involves starting with writing yourself a Snapshot Letter which summarises your thoughts and feelings at the start of the process. This is helpful to go back to as often we later trivialise a problem when we’re having a good day and go back to old habits as we think all is okay on that good day. She then goes through a series of a dozen or so maps that you create in your own handwriting. You use these in various ways, some to compare to one another and others to look at when you are not doing so well at changing the habit you are aiming at. The maps provide insights into our behaviour and knowledge of triggers that cause us to behave in ways we would rather not. These maps are fluid and can be added to and changed.
I was reading this on a Kindle so was frustrated as the images to show examples of the maps were not visible. Hopefully this will be fixed in the final version. I have since downloaded a pdf version onto my computer and can see the example maps which helps a lot.
I like Shahroo’s approach and I plan to spend some time working through the Kindness Method. It’s the sort of book where you can keep going back to it and get a bit more out of it as you gain a bit more insight into your behaviour.
Shahroo’s urges you to look for ways to be kind to yourself, not to beat yourself up if things are going to plan. As she points out, if a friend has done something wrong or foolish we wouldn’t berate them but would try and say something encouraging. So why don’t we do that to ourselves when we know we’ve done something wrong or foolish? She also urges us not trying to be too unrealistic and drastic in seeking change. For instance, don’t go from spending hours on social media to deleting all your accounts. Plan to spend a limited amount of time on them instead.
With thanks to NetGalley and Bluebird publishers (Pan Macmillan) for inviting me to read a free advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Shahroo’s approach involves starting with writing yourself a Snapshot Letter which summarises your thoughts and feelings at the start of the process. This is helpful to go back to as often we later trivialise a problem when we’re having a good day and go back to old habits as we think all is okay on that good day. She then goes through a series of a dozen or so maps that you create in your own handwriting. You use these in various ways, some to compare to one another and others to look at when you are not doing so well at changing the habit you are aiming at. The maps provide insights into our behaviour and knowledge of triggers that cause us to behave in ways we would rather not. These maps are fluid and can be added to and changed.
I was reading this on a Kindle so was frustrated as the images to show examples of the maps were not visible. Hopefully this will be fixed in the final version. I have since downloaded a pdf version onto my computer and can see the example maps which helps a lot.
I like Shahroo’s approach and I plan to spend some time working through the Kindness Method. It’s the sort of book where you can keep going back to it and get a bit more out of it as you gain a bit more insight into your behaviour.
Shahroo’s urges you to look for ways to be kind to yourself, not to beat yourself up if things are going to plan. As she points out, if a friend has done something wrong or foolish we wouldn’t berate them but would try and say something encouraging. So why don’t we do that to ourselves when we know we’ve done something wrong or foolish? She also urges us not trying to be too unrealistic and drastic in seeking change. For instance, don’t go from spending hours on social media to deleting all your accounts. Plan to spend a limited amount of time on them instead.
With thanks to NetGalley and Bluebird publishers (Pan Macmillan) for inviting me to read a free advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
August 8, 2018
I might be too nice with the stars. But when a book actually helps me, it deserves those 5 stars.
April 26, 2021
The Kindness Method is revolutionary: repositioning how you see yourself and, by being kind, achieve your goals.
I loved the practical mindmaps that drive you to make the change you want to make and ultimately, feel good about yourself. I found it much-needed and timely in trying to change my own habits like procrastination, self-doubt and worrying. The experience was of being at a amazing one-to-one coaching course, for the price of one book.
I'd recommend it to anyone who is ready to make positive changes in their life, and looking for help on how to do it.
I loved the practical mindmaps that drive you to make the change you want to make and ultimately, feel good about yourself. I found it much-needed and timely in trying to change my own habits like procrastination, self-doubt and worrying. The experience was of being at a amazing one-to-one coaching course, for the price of one book.
I'd recommend it to anyone who is ready to make positive changes in their life, and looking for help on how to do it.
September 7, 2022
The book is meant to help readers kill their bad habits or break from from unwanted mental states. The author draws from her practice and she has a lot to share. She uses a method of maps, which I didn't want to do. Nonetheless, here is what I liked the most:
1) I wrote myself a Snapshot Letter, so that my motivation to change could be rekindled some day with the help of it.
2) What if I behaved and acted like I already was free from that bad habit? If it doesn't fit my identity, then what am I waiting for?
3) I ask myself in the morning: What will test me today? This question is meant to prepare me for the coming challenge. And, with the kindness approach, even if I fail, I can rise again.
1) I wrote myself a Snapshot Letter, so that my motivation to change could be rekindled some day with the help of it.
2) What if I behaved and acted like I already was free from that bad habit? If it doesn't fit my identity, then what am I waiting for?
3) I ask myself in the morning: What will test me today? This question is meant to prepare me for the coming challenge. And, with the kindness approach, even if I fail, I can rise again.
November 27, 2019
This book is to help anyone with their bad habbits/addictions, but I urge people who keep beating themselves up about everything to read it too because it has practical guide on how to treat yourself a little bit nicer.
Here are some quotes from the book:
"Being kind to yourself regardless whether or not you can achieve your goals, actually helps you achieve them more quickly"
"Acknowledging our strengths so we can be brave and open to hearing our weaknesses anchors us in a sense of who we are"
Here are some quotes from the book:
"Being kind to yourself regardless whether or not you can achieve your goals, actually helps you achieve them more quickly"
"Acknowledging our strengths so we can be brave and open to hearing our weaknesses anchors us in a sense of who we are"
June 21, 2019
How many times have you tried a new diet, blown the new diet, and yelled at yourself? Or what about drinking- tired of the hangovers? But, it’s so hard to stop drinking. What’s wrong with you?
Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you. That’s the message I learned from author Shahroo Izadi who has written an excellent book, The Kindness Method- Change Your Habits for Good Using Self-Compassion and Understanding. She has worked as a drug counsellor and also has faced a weight challenge, so she knows how to focus on changing habits.
Her premise is that we should show compassion, forgiveness and kindness to ourselves. When we have trouble making a life change, it’s not because we are “bad”, or “weak” or “lazy.” Would you say those words to other people? Please don’t say them to yourself! Instead, learn to be kind to yourself.
“Kindness” means taking action to create your most enjoyable and exciting life. Look at the big picture! “Kindness” is not following for the latest fad or quick-fix. With friendly, understanding language, the author shares her step-by step process of using maps and journals to learn more about yourself and prepare to have the rich and fulfilling life you want.
Shahroo Izadi is a Behavioral Change Specialist. She provides relapse prevention coaching and support groups at a recovery house for young women in addition to delivering sold-out workshops designed to help people change any habit on their own terms. Her work has drawn attention from BBC Radio 1, The Telegraph, Red Magazine, The Pool, and more. Her laid-back, non-judgmental style that rejects the traditional professional-patient dynamic has proven to be a huge success and her ambition is to make evidence-based psychological tools accessible to the public.
Thanks to NetGalley, St. Martin’s Press, St. Martin’s Essentials for a digital review copy. This is my honest review.
Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you. That’s the message I learned from author Shahroo Izadi who has written an excellent book, The Kindness Method- Change Your Habits for Good Using Self-Compassion and Understanding. She has worked as a drug counsellor and also has faced a weight challenge, so she knows how to focus on changing habits.
Her premise is that we should show compassion, forgiveness and kindness to ourselves. When we have trouble making a life change, it’s not because we are “bad”, or “weak” or “lazy.” Would you say those words to other people? Please don’t say them to yourself! Instead, learn to be kind to yourself.
“Kindness” means taking action to create your most enjoyable and exciting life. Look at the big picture! “Kindness” is not following for the latest fad or quick-fix. With friendly, understanding language, the author shares her step-by step process of using maps and journals to learn more about yourself and prepare to have the rich and fulfilling life you want.
Shahroo Izadi is a Behavioral Change Specialist. She provides relapse prevention coaching and support groups at a recovery house for young women in addition to delivering sold-out workshops designed to help people change any habit on their own terms. Her work has drawn attention from BBC Radio 1, The Telegraph, Red Magazine, The Pool, and more. Her laid-back, non-judgmental style that rejects the traditional professional-patient dynamic has proven to be a huge success and her ambition is to make evidence-based psychological tools accessible to the public.
Thanks to NetGalley, St. Martin’s Press, St. Martin’s Essentials for a digital review copy. This is my honest review.
September 11, 2022
This is one of the better self-help books I've read, and its the only one that has actually helped me by using the methods inside.
July 14, 2019
This is an approach to personal transformation I have not seen before. I like it. I like her focus on movement toward who I want to be rather than away from the parts of me I don't like. I like her thought provoking map sessions. Even though I have read a ton of personal development books, I still learned something about myself with her exercises. I like how she helps us develop a plan based on our learning who we are, what motivates us and makes us feel authentic. I really liked her section on internal chatter. I liked permission to be kind to myself.
Izadi believes that each of us has the ability to become our best self. The material in this book provides the insights and tools we need to understand where we are and how to get where we want to be. We design our own plan based on what we learn through the self awareness process in the book. Creating our own plan helps us be much more invested in change rather than if we are told what needs to be done by someone else.
Izadi points out that The Kindness Method is not a replacement for counseling. If going through the work uncovers something a reader thinks needs deeper work, she encourages incorporating professional help into the plan.
This may well be the most practical book on personal transformation I have read. Completing the exercises was a very insightful process and one I think I'll repeat. The process takes work but it is well worth it as I think it will produce lasting change.
I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.
Izadi believes that each of us has the ability to become our best self. The material in this book provides the insights and tools we need to understand where we are and how to get where we want to be. We design our own plan based on what we learn through the self awareness process in the book. Creating our own plan helps us be much more invested in change rather than if we are told what needs to be done by someone else.
Izadi points out that The Kindness Method is not a replacement for counseling. If going through the work uncovers something a reader thinks needs deeper work, she encourages incorporating professional help into the plan.
This may well be the most practical book on personal transformation I have read. Completing the exercises was a very insightful process and one I think I'll repeat. The process takes work but it is well worth it as I think it will produce lasting change.
I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.
December 20, 2023
Really interesting concept and enjoyed putting the maps together and working on the tasks. I would have loved it if the maps were already pre-populated so I could use it as a work book. The theme is very much geared towards substance abuse and addiction, however some really good insights into human behaviours and habits which I needed to see.
June 21, 2019
How many times have you tried a new diet, blown the new diet, and yelled at yourself? Or what about drinking- tired of the hangovers? But, it’s so hard to stop drinking. What’s wrong with you?
Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you. That’s the message I learned from author Shahroo Izadi who has written an excellent book, The Kindness Method- Change Your Habits for Good Using Self-Compassion and Understanding. She has worked as a drug counsellor and also has faced a weight challenge, so she knows how to focus on changing habits.
Her premise is that we should show compassion, forgiveness and kindness to ourselves. When we have trouble making a life change, it’s not because we are “bad”, or “weak” or “lazy.” Would you say those words to other people? Please don’t say them to yourself! Instead, learn to be kind to yourself.
“Kindness” means taking action to create your most enjoyable and exciting life. Look at the big picture! “Kindness” is not following for the latest fad or quick-fix. With friendly, understanding language, the author shares her step-by step process of using maps and journals to learn more about yourself and prepare to have the rich and fulfilling life you want.
Shahroo Izadi is a Behavioral Change Specialist. She provides relapse prevention coaching and support groups at a recovery house for young women in addition to delivering sold-out workshops designed to help people change any habit on their own terms. Her work has drawn attention from BBC Radio 1, The Telegraph, Red Magazine, The Pool, and more. Her laid-back, non-judgmental style that rejects the traditional professional-patient dynamic has proven to be a huge success and her ambition is to make evidence-based psychological tools accessible to the public.
Thanks to NetGalley, St. Martin’s Press, St. Martin’s Essentials for a digital review copy. This is my honest review.
Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you. That’s the message I learned from author Shahroo Izadi who has written an excellent book, The Kindness Method- Change Your Habits for Good Using Self-Compassion and Understanding. She has worked as a drug counsellor and also has faced a weight challenge, so she knows how to focus on changing habits.
Her premise is that we should show compassion, forgiveness and kindness to ourselves. When we have trouble making a life change, it’s not because we are “bad”, or “weak” or “lazy.” Would you say those words to other people? Please don’t say them to yourself! Instead, learn to be kind to yourself.
“Kindness” means taking action to create your most enjoyable and exciting life. Look at the big picture! “Kindness” is not following for the latest fad or quick-fix. With friendly, understanding language, the author shares her step-by step process of using maps and journals to learn more about yourself and prepare to have the rich and fulfilling life you want.
Shahroo Izadi is a Behavioral Change Specialist. She provides relapse prevention coaching and support groups at a recovery house for young women in addition to delivering sold-out workshops designed to help people change any habit on their own terms. Her work has drawn attention from BBC Radio 1, The Telegraph, Red Magazine, The Pool, and more. Her laid-back, non-judgmental style that rejects the traditional professional-patient dynamic has proven to be a huge success and her ambition is to make evidence-based psychological tools accessible to the public.
Thanks to NetGalley, St. Martin’s Press, St. Martin’s Essentials for a digital review copy. This is my honest review.
May 18, 2018
The Kindness Method by Shahroo Izadi is a self help book designed to change lives by breaking habits and being kind to ourselves. It is "Giving yourself permission to be kind to you." Often we are our worst critic. We need to "Conquer... the habit of negative self talk."
This book gives personal testimony as well as suggesting we mind map various topics. As we progress along the way, we will need to review our mind maps to see how far we have come.
We all have negative habits that rule our lives and need breaking. This book sets out exercises designed to help us break the cycle of our bad habits, as well as questions for internal reflection.
Shahroo Izadi suggests setting realistic, clearly defined goals for the change we want to see. A lapse does not mean a relapse. We need to keep moving forward.
The Kindness Method has the power to help you change your life if you want to. The most important thing is:
Be kind to yourself.
I received this book for free from Net Galley. A favourable review was not required and all views expressed are my own.
This book gives personal testimony as well as suggesting we mind map various topics. As we progress along the way, we will need to review our mind maps to see how far we have come.
We all have negative habits that rule our lives and need breaking. This book sets out exercises designed to help us break the cycle of our bad habits, as well as questions for internal reflection.
Shahroo Izadi suggests setting realistic, clearly defined goals for the change we want to see. A lapse does not mean a relapse. We need to keep moving forward.
The Kindness Method has the power to help you change your life if you want to. The most important thing is:
Be kind to yourself.
I received this book for free from Net Galley. A favourable review was not required and all views expressed are my own.
June 10, 2018
Shahroo Izadi teaches you how to be kind to yourself and how to go about it. A change in our thought processes is another method used and testimonials show that this is feasible.
The author has a no-nonsense approach and it is very thought-provoking and has left me with a with food for thought. If you find self-help books useful, then this is for you.
I chose to read this book and all opinions in this review are all my own and completely unbiased. My thanks to NetGalley for this opportunity.
The author has a no-nonsense approach and it is very thought-provoking and has left me with a with food for thought. If you find self-help books useful, then this is for you.
I chose to read this book and all opinions in this review are all my own and completely unbiased. My thanks to NetGalley for this opportunity.
October 7, 2019
Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate. But what does that look like when applied to our own lives, rather than others? This book provides some really helpful tools to enable us to do just that - and ensure that we not only show concern and consideration for issues/behaviours/addictions in our own lives, but can also take steps to address these.
August 12, 2019
Absolutely enjoyed this book. Not at all what I had expected however it was a wonderful read and I suggest this to all!
September 8, 2021
I read this book for an online book club and so far this book has been one of my favorites to discuss with the others! If you have a bad habit you want to get rid of, or find reasons to start a new habit, this book will help you out. The mindmaps keep it short and sweet, they are the reminders which you can use daily if you need some motivation.
Does her technique work? For chaotic minds like me who need clarity on a page and need the reminders on a regular base, yes. Of course I also had the accountability with the book club to actually DO the homework. It's one of those things which really work but only IF you do the work (a read-only won't help you, really!).
This is not your typical fluff self-help filled with positive vibes which gonna tell you all will be fine in the end. It's a workbook, there is homework to do, you really need to be ready to be brutally honest with yourself and take full responsibility to change your way of living. If you are ready for that, this book is a must read.
Does her technique work? For chaotic minds like me who need clarity on a page and need the reminders on a regular base, yes. Of course I also had the accountability with the book club to actually DO the homework. It's one of those things which really work but only IF you do the work (a read-only won't help you, really!).
This is not your typical fluff self-help filled with positive vibes which gonna tell you all will be fine in the end. It's a workbook, there is homework to do, you really need to be ready to be brutally honest with yourself and take full responsibility to change your way of living. If you are ready for that, this book is a must read.
December 8, 2020
Өөрийнхөө давуу тал сул талыг бид олж нээж засаж сайжруулж явдаг шүү дээ. Энэ нои нь дээр харин олж нээх явцдаа өөрийгөө битгий чамалж бусдад таалагдахыг тулд хэцүү шийдвэр гаргаарай гэдэг талаас нь сонирхолтой жишнвээ татан танилцуулжээ.
Зохиолч бүсгүй маань өөрөө махлаг нэгэн байсан агаад турах хүсэл хэдий сэтгэл зүйч вдээ хэлээгүй ч өөрийгөө сонсохнээ эрүүл мэндийн шалтгаанаас бус бикинитэй гоё харагдахыг хүсэж байж. Ингэж бодоход буруу байхгүй ч бусдын юу гэж бодох яг үнэндээ чиний өөрийгөө үнэлэх үнэлэмжнээс хэзээ чилүү гарж болохгүй. Иймд энэ асуудлаа олж таньж цаашлаад амьдралд хандах хандлагаа өөрчмлж эхэлжээ. Энэ эомыг унших зуур надад ч гэсэн ийм асуудал байдаг юм байна гэдгээ ойлгон үнэнчээр өөрийгөө сонсож зарим юмыг тавьж явууллаа.
Зохиолч бүсгүй маань өөрөө махлаг нэгэн байсан агаад турах хүсэл хэдий сэтгэл зүйч вдээ хэлээгүй ч өөрийгөө сонсохнээ эрүүл мэндийн шалтгаанаас бус бикинитэй гоё харагдахыг хүсэж байж. Ингэж бодоход буруу байхгүй ч бусдын юу гэж бодох яг үнэндээ чиний өөрийгөө үнэлэх үнэлэмжнээс хэзээ чилүү гарж болохгүй. Иймд энэ асуудлаа олж таньж цаашлаад амьдралд хандах хандлагаа өөрчмлж эхэлжээ. Энэ эомыг унших зуур надад ч гэсэн ийм асуудал байдаг юм байна гэдгээ ойлгон үнэнчээр өөрийгөө сонсож зарим юмыг тавьж явууллаа.
March 22, 2021
It feels a pit presumptuous to give a habit change book 4 stars before I've implemented the method but this was a really lovely read, and I've already done a few exercises to improve my self-esteem and reduce anxious thoughts. This feels like a particularly good book for perfectionists or people who can be hard on themselves when trying to make change, it felt like a hug in a book.
One caveat I'll put on it is that I think this book is much better for changing a 'bad' habit rather than starting a 'good' one. I'd recommend it for wanting to stop habits such as smoking, drinking, binge eating etc. rather than building positive ones like meditating or exercising.
One caveat I'll put on it is that I think this book is much better for changing a 'bad' habit rather than starting a 'good' one. I'd recommend it for wanting to stop habits such as smoking, drinking, binge eating etc. rather than building positive ones like meditating or exercising.
August 9, 2023
This was really great!!! I do think that taking an approach to habit breaking/building/self improvement where you can be kind to yourself and intentionally build a program that will be sustainable and is easy to get back into if you relapse into old habits is really important. Heavily based off of experiences with drug treatment, alcohol dependency, and overeating, there are lots of parallels that can be drawn to other areas of your life that you may want to change. Let’s make self improvement accessible and non-daunting!
April 29, 2020
Love me a British Narrator. Lovely approach, I enjoyed hearing about her work with people in recovery and her acceptance that things don't have to be all or nothing for everyone.
May 4, 2020
ehhhhhh
July 8, 2020
Not what I was expecting topic-wise but still interesting. Gave a very structured framework for someone wishing to change some unwanted habits.
December 10, 2021
If you let it, the Kindness Method can change, or at least improve, your life. Shahroo Izadi leads one through logical steps and exercises that enable us to face facts, make plans, and implement changes we want to make. She uses her own experience as well as her knowledge of addiction treatment to teach us how to be proactive in our own life. I read a chapter a day and followed the exercises/mapping in a separate notebook. I will refer to these materials often to remind me of my personal "why" and motivate me further. I learned a lot about myself and why I have "failed" in the past and there were times when I had to really dig deep to meet the assignment; something I tend to avoid if possible. Ms. Izadi wants us to succeed and give us permission to love and be kind to ourselves. Highly recommend.
August 17, 2023
This is by far one of the best self-help books I have ever read (in fact, I probably never have to read another one again). I am still working my way through the maps. Do yourself a favor, get this book, do the maps, and become kinder to yourself.
January 27, 2024
This helped me so so much. My therapist recommended a Shahroo Izadi podcast, and I then found this book and I always keep it to hand.
March 19, 2025
Brilliant. Doing all the maps and exercises in this were really helpful. They will really make a difference to me
February 2, 2022
This was a good book, it’s just the topics discussed are particular to certain problems that I haven’t personally experienced.
May 29, 2023
Flipped how I think about working on my "bad" habits.
November 29, 2024
For book club. DNF because it was too workbook style. Content was empowering though
April 7, 2020
Really interesting book although I believe it is mainly useful for treatment of addiction or disorders than it is to create new habits. On the positive side the idea of mind-maps really spoke to me.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 193 reviews