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If I Don't Make It, I Love You: Survivors in the Aftermath of School Shootings
"The result is an important and horrifyingly thick anthology of mass murders...Highly difficult to read in one sitting, but we must not look away." — Kirkus Reviews
A harrowing collection of sixty narratives—covering over fifty years of shootings in America—written by those most directly affected by school the survivors.
“If I Don’t Make It, I Love You,” a text sent from inside the war zone like scene of a mass shooting, a text meant for Stacy Crescitelli, whose 15-year-old daughter, Sarah, was hiding in a closet fearing for her life in Parkland, Florida, in 2018, while a gunman sprayed her school with bullets, killing her friends, teachers, and coaches. This scene has become too familiar.
We see the images, the children with trauma on their faces leaving their school in ropes, connected to one another with hands on shoulders, shaking, crying, and screaming. We mourn the dead. We bury children. We demand change. But we are met with inaction. So, we move forward, sadder and more jaded. But what about those who cannot move on?
These are their stories.
If I Don’t Make It, I Love You collects more than sixty narratives from school shooting survivors, family members, and community leaders covering fifty years of shootings in America, from the 1966 UT-Austin Tower shooting through May 2018’s Santa Fe shooting.
Through this collection, editors Amye Archer and Loren Kleinman offer a vital contribution to the surging national dialogue on gun reform by elevating the voices of those most directly affected by school the survivors.
A harrowing collection of sixty narratives—covering over fifty years of shootings in America—written by those most directly affected by school the survivors.
“If I Don’t Make It, I Love You,” a text sent from inside the war zone like scene of a mass shooting, a text meant for Stacy Crescitelli, whose 15-year-old daughter, Sarah, was hiding in a closet fearing for her life in Parkland, Florida, in 2018, while a gunman sprayed her school with bullets, killing her friends, teachers, and coaches. This scene has become too familiar.
We see the images, the children with trauma on their faces leaving their school in ropes, connected to one another with hands on shoulders, shaking, crying, and screaming. We mourn the dead. We bury children. We demand change. But we are met with inaction. So, we move forward, sadder and more jaded. But what about those who cannot move on?
These are their stories.
If I Don’t Make It, I Love You collects more than sixty narratives from school shooting survivors, family members, and community leaders covering fifty years of shootings in America, from the 1966 UT-Austin Tower shooting through May 2018’s Santa Fe shooting.
Through this collection, editors Amye Archer and Loren Kleinman offer a vital contribution to the surging national dialogue on gun reform by elevating the voices of those most directly affected by school the survivors.
512 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2019
74 people are currently reading
998 people want to read
About the author
Amye Archer
9 books31 followersAmye Archer writes, mothers, and teaches in Northeast, PA. She has an MFA in Creative Writing, a very handsome cat, and a Sam’s Club membership. Her memoir, Fat Girl, Skinny is forthcoming from Big Table Publishing. Amye’s full-length poetry collection, Bangs, was released in 2014. She has also published two chapbooks: A Shotgun Life and No One Ever Looks Up. Amye’s work has appeared in Nailed Magazine, PMS: Poem Memoir Story, PANK, and her ex-boyfriend’s garbage can. She is the creator of The Fat Girl Blog. You can read more about her at www.amyearcher.com. Follow her on Twitter @amyearcher.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 66 reviews
September 6, 2024
This book was very different from any other book I have ever read. It focuses on the stories of those who have survived and/or witnessed horrific mass shootings, and have had to deal with the aftermath. Sadly enough, these victims have their wounds re-opened each time such a tragedy occurs.
The format was done in an interesting way; it begins with the shooting at Santa Fe High School in Texas on May 18th, 2018 and works backwards through the decades to the University of Texas shooting on August 1, 1966. Interspersed at the beginning of each chapter are insights from the two authors about how writing of these events have affected them and their lives.
This was a difficult book to read, especially about the school shootings that I watched about on my television while I was teaching elementary school and raising my own two boys. Back in 1992, when I joyfully began teaching my first class of first graders, the thought of perhaps having to take a bullet for them never crossed my mind. Now I’ve come full circle; this May my eldest son will graduate from college with a history degree. He wants to “teach kids the history that is not included in the textbooks”, either middle-schoolers or high-schoolers. My son will be in a classroom somewhere making a difference in the lives of young people. And as his mother, I can’t help but worry that I may turn on the television and hear the name of his school mentioned in the wake of a tragedy...
*Here I am again, two weeks after the school shooting in Uvalde, Texas. Tears pouring down my face after listening to Matthew McConaughey’s speech at the White House. And seeing the green Converse tennis shoes that identified one of the victims, a ten-year-old girl, to her family on May 24th…😓💔
* And I’m here again, the day after the school shooting in Georgia. At this rate, these authors are going to be writing another complete book, on the same subject. This is just pathetic.😢😑
The format was done in an interesting way; it begins with the shooting at Santa Fe High School in Texas on May 18th, 2018 and works backwards through the decades to the University of Texas shooting on August 1, 1966. Interspersed at the beginning of each chapter are insights from the two authors about how writing of these events have affected them and their lives.
This was a difficult book to read, especially about the school shootings that I watched about on my television while I was teaching elementary school and raising my own two boys. Back in 1992, when I joyfully began teaching my first class of first graders, the thought of perhaps having to take a bullet for them never crossed my mind. Now I’ve come full circle; this May my eldest son will graduate from college with a history degree. He wants to “teach kids the history that is not included in the textbooks”, either middle-schoolers or high-schoolers. My son will be in a classroom somewhere making a difference in the lives of young people. And as his mother, I can’t help but worry that I may turn on the television and hear the name of his school mentioned in the wake of a tragedy...
*Here I am again, two weeks after the school shooting in Uvalde, Texas. Tears pouring down my face after listening to Matthew McConaughey’s speech at the White House. And seeing the green Converse tennis shoes that identified one of the victims, a ten-year-old girl, to her family on May 24th…😓💔
* And I’m here again, the day after the school shooting in Georgia. At this rate, these authors are going to be writing another complete book, on the same subject. This is just pathetic.😢😑
June 7, 2019
Many thanks to NetGalley, the authors, and publisher for this ARC.
Well... wow...
I don’t often say this (and if I did, I probably never meant it), but this book is terrifying. I can usually handle strong, triggering subject matter, but when it’s fiction, or fantasy, or sci-fi. And ‘If I Don’t Make It, I Love You’ just so happens to be the all-too-real world we live in as Americans, which makes it that much more difficult to stomach.
I initially wasn’t going to include this in my review (should I tell this story???), but the section on the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting made me physically shake. I had to put the book down and reflect on that day, because it hit so close to home. On December 14th, 2012, I was working at the mall 15 minutes from Sandy Hook in Newtown, CT. I don’t even remember any specifics from that work day other than these next few minutes: I was folding these obnoxious shirts in the stockroom with a couple of my coworkers when we heard the news of the shooting. One of our assistant managers came to the back and told us she was getting tons of texts and calls. Her mother was a teacher at Sandy Hook. She couldn’t reach her, but she said she didn’t want to worry. She left to go find out, and we silently went back to folding shirts and greeting customers. We learned later on while still at work the victim’s names.... A few of us went to her mother’s funeral. It’s surreal and devastating, but I just recall feeling numb to it. I still am numb. I grieve for all those young lives lost, and all the educators that gave their lives to protect them. But even back then, gun violence in the U.S. was a fairly common (sad and disgusting) reality. Even now, I hate that my mind automatically goes to, “Oh, another one?”.
It’s a tough book to get through, to be honest, if only for how deeply emotional and powerful and moving and horrifying and heartbreaking some of these stories are: survivors, friends, or family of victims recounting memories of the day they lost someone, or the day they survived— I mean, when you hear a parent talking about the loss of their child, it’s never easy. This book is just a harsh truth; a reminder that change needs to happen. The fact that school shootings have become this sick sort of norm in the United States upsets me greatly (to the gross point where I’m almost desensitized by the news). But the message here is also one of hope for a better world, where gun reform prevents more stories like these from having to be told in the coming years.
Well... wow...
I don’t often say this (and if I did, I probably never meant it), but this book is terrifying. I can usually handle strong, triggering subject matter, but when it’s fiction, or fantasy, or sci-fi. And ‘If I Don’t Make It, I Love You’ just so happens to be the all-too-real world we live in as Americans, which makes it that much more difficult to stomach.
I initially wasn’t going to include this in my review (should I tell this story???), but the section on the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting made me physically shake. I had to put the book down and reflect on that day, because it hit so close to home. On December 14th, 2012, I was working at the mall 15 minutes from Sandy Hook in Newtown, CT. I don’t even remember any specifics from that work day other than these next few minutes: I was folding these obnoxious shirts in the stockroom with a couple of my coworkers when we heard the news of the shooting. One of our assistant managers came to the back and told us she was getting tons of texts and calls. Her mother was a teacher at Sandy Hook. She couldn’t reach her, but she said she didn’t want to worry. She left to go find out, and we silently went back to folding shirts and greeting customers. We learned later on while still at work the victim’s names.... A few of us went to her mother’s funeral. It’s surreal and devastating, but I just recall feeling numb to it. I still am numb. I grieve for all those young lives lost, and all the educators that gave their lives to protect them. But even back then, gun violence in the U.S. was a fairly common (sad and disgusting) reality. Even now, I hate that my mind automatically goes to, “Oh, another one?”.
It’s a tough book to get through, to be honest, if only for how deeply emotional and powerful and moving and horrifying and heartbreaking some of these stories are: survivors, friends, or family of victims recounting memories of the day they lost someone, or the day they survived— I mean, when you hear a parent talking about the loss of their child, it’s never easy. This book is just a harsh truth; a reminder that change needs to happen. The fact that school shootings have become this sick sort of norm in the United States upsets me greatly (to the gross point where I’m almost desensitized by the news). But the message here is also one of hope for a better world, where gun reform prevents more stories like these from having to be told in the coming years.
August 23, 2019
If I Don’t Make It, I Love You is a collection of 60 narratives covering a period of over fifty years written by survivors of school shootings.
Who are the survivors of school shootings?
It’s not just those who are left with physical scars or injuries from the path a bullet took through their bodies, but also those who were huddled behind desks or in storeroom’s for hours wondering when the shooter would burst in, it is those who ran, wondering if they were running away from, or into danger, it is the families who waited, sometimes for hours, to learn if their loved one was safe, injured or dead.
At Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, 17 were killed, and 17 sustained physical injuries, but there were over 3000 students in that school, and over 120 staff, each of whom have parents, siblings, and/or partners, around 6000+ people. That means there were, as a rough estimate, ten thousand people directly affected by the Parkland school shooting, each one a survivor.
Fifty three years after the shooting at the University of Texas, which left fifteen dead, and 31 injured, John still struggles with survivors guilt, and the the effects of PTSD.
“I feel like I could’ve done more. I could’ve helped more people. I feel I was a coward. That day is always with me in my mind. Every day. But I know now that I did the best I could, but there is always a worm of doubt.”
Twenty years after 12 students were murdered, and 24 were physically injured, in the shooting at Columbine high school, Jami fights a panic attack as his kindergartener practices the schools ‘lockdown’ drill.
“My heart still pounds every time I use an elevator, I startle at every loud noise, and the state of heightened vigilance my body lives under leaves me on edge and exhausted, yet unable to rest. Over the years there’ve been hundreds of shootings in schools across the country. I brace myself for the onslaught of flashbacks and vivid nightmares in the weeks and months following each one.”
Seven years after 20 five and six year olds, and 6 staff, were murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary, Susie Ehren’s daughter, now 12 years old, still says goodnight to the picture of her and her best friend from kindergarten, whose death she witnessed.
“Today my daughter, who witnessed the unspeakable, who lives with that memory every day of her life, and who fights the triggers and knows how to calm her body when it begins to tense up out of fear, struggles with the daily balance to be a ‘normal’ 12 year old.”
A year after the 2018 ‘Parkland’ school shooting, two teenagers could no longer live with their feelings of survivors guilt and died by suicide.
In a year, in seven years, in twenty years, in fifty three years, the survivors of school shootings will still be affected by the tragic events they experienced.
In a year, in seven years, in twenty years, in fifty three years if something doesn’t change there will be hundreds of thousands more survivors of school shootings, you may be one of them.
Thoughts and Prayers are useless
Arming teachers is ridiculous
Gun control is a good start
Improving family support services is important
Improving mental health services is crucial
Confronting, harrowing, heartbreaking, If I Don’t Make It, I Love You is essential reading,
Who are the survivors of school shootings?
It’s not just those who are left with physical scars or injuries from the path a bullet took through their bodies, but also those who were huddled behind desks or in storeroom’s for hours wondering when the shooter would burst in, it is those who ran, wondering if they were running away from, or into danger, it is the families who waited, sometimes for hours, to learn if their loved one was safe, injured or dead.
At Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, 17 were killed, and 17 sustained physical injuries, but there were over 3000 students in that school, and over 120 staff, each of whom have parents, siblings, and/or partners, around 6000+ people. That means there were, as a rough estimate, ten thousand people directly affected by the Parkland school shooting, each one a survivor.
Fifty three years after the shooting at the University of Texas, which left fifteen dead, and 31 injured, John still struggles with survivors guilt, and the the effects of PTSD.
“I feel like I could’ve done more. I could’ve helped more people. I feel I was a coward. That day is always with me in my mind. Every day. But I know now that I did the best I could, but there is always a worm of doubt.”
Twenty years after 12 students were murdered, and 24 were physically injured, in the shooting at Columbine high school, Jami fights a panic attack as his kindergartener practices the schools ‘lockdown’ drill.
“My heart still pounds every time I use an elevator, I startle at every loud noise, and the state of heightened vigilance my body lives under leaves me on edge and exhausted, yet unable to rest. Over the years there’ve been hundreds of shootings in schools across the country. I brace myself for the onslaught of flashbacks and vivid nightmares in the weeks and months following each one.”
Seven years after 20 five and six year olds, and 6 staff, were murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary, Susie Ehren’s daughter, now 12 years old, still says goodnight to the picture of her and her best friend from kindergarten, whose death she witnessed.
“Today my daughter, who witnessed the unspeakable, who lives with that memory every day of her life, and who fights the triggers and knows how to calm her body when it begins to tense up out of fear, struggles with the daily balance to be a ‘normal’ 12 year old.”
A year after the 2018 ‘Parkland’ school shooting, two teenagers could no longer live with their feelings of survivors guilt and died by suicide.
In a year, in seven years, in twenty years, in fifty three years, the survivors of school shootings will still be affected by the tragic events they experienced.
In a year, in seven years, in twenty years, in fifty three years if something doesn’t change there will be hundreds of thousands more survivors of school shootings, you may be one of them.
Thoughts and Prayers are useless
Arming teachers is ridiculous
Gun control is a good start
Improving family support services is important
Improving mental health services is crucial
Confronting, harrowing, heartbreaking, If I Don’t Make It, I Love You is essential reading,
September 10, 2019
An incredibly tough, but necessary read. As a school shooting survivor - a loose term because, although present, I was not in immediate danger - this book was oddly therapeutic. My school is in here. My brave classmates wrote essays.
PS. The title and cover are tasteless and insensitive. Do better for the survivors! According to a friend who was a contributor, the editors wanted a different cover, but the publisher gave them no choice. Such is life.
PS. The title and cover are tasteless and insensitive. Do better for the survivors! According to a friend who was a contributor, the editors wanted a different cover, but the publisher gave them no choice. Such is life.
June 8, 2020
A harrowing collection of sixty narratives—covering over fifty years of shootings in America—written by those most directly affected by school shootings: the survivors.
This is a subject I really wanna talk about—I'm definitely anticipating this read!
I received an ARC through NetGalley for an honest review. Many thanks to the publisher, Skyhorse.
This is a subject I really wanna talk about—I'm definitely anticipating this read!
I received an ARC through NetGalley for an honest review. Many thanks to the publisher, Skyhorse.
July 21, 2019
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for the chance to read this book!
I have to say that as an Australian, this book is a real eye opener. Of course it is confronting; these are the stories of those who survived a school shooting, their parents and siblings, their friends. It boggles that a book could cover SO many of these stories, because guns are just not in our culture as much. I have literally seen on gun in real life, on a farmer's property that he used to shoot rabbits.
Each story is a deeply personal narrative and there is going to be plenty of triggers here for people affected by gun violence. But these people all want to tell their story, and they want their story to mean something, change something. They add their voice to many in America at the moment, adding this book to a very modern movement.
This is well written and edited. A confronting topic but needed. Of course five stars, but how do you rate a book like this?
I have to say that as an Australian, this book is a real eye opener. Of course it is confronting; these are the stories of those who survived a school shooting, their parents and siblings, their friends. It boggles that a book could cover SO many of these stories, because guns are just not in our culture as much. I have literally seen on gun in real life, on a farmer's property that he used to shoot rabbits.
Each story is a deeply personal narrative and there is going to be plenty of triggers here for people affected by gun violence. But these people all want to tell their story, and they want their story to mean something, change something. They add their voice to many in America at the moment, adding this book to a very modern movement.
This is well written and edited. A confronting topic but needed. Of course five stars, but how do you rate a book like this?
August 8, 2019
This book is an absolute horror. And a necessary read.
Read
August 29, 2019This is a harrowing and at times overwhelming anthology featuring people most affected by school shootings (survivors and parents of victims, but some teachers and a few others, including doctors. A couple were related to the shooters). It is not an easy read, but it is an important one.
The last shooting mentioned (the book goes in reverse chronological order) is the shooting at the University of Texas in the 1960s that left 16 people dead. It's this horrific event, obviously, and the next most recent shooting was in the 1980s. And then, of course, they became a lot more commonplace.
I haven't even heard of a handful of these shootings, and I would like to say how completely horrifying that is---that these shootings occur frequently enough that they aren't even covered, necessarily.
While these accounts convey fear and anger, there's also a sense of hope throughout, that eventually these shootings will stop. Several people mention the Parkland teenagers as being a real catalyst for change. We'll see what happens when they're all old enough to vote (when all the kids who grew up with active shooter drills are all old enough to vote).
This is so necessary and I hope it was cathartic for the people who contributed. I also am hoping that the editors are doing well; it was clear that working on this book was traumatizing for them, too. That's something that's not discussed, the idea of secondhand trauma.
Highly recommended.
The last shooting mentioned (the book goes in reverse chronological order) is the shooting at the University of Texas in the 1960s that left 16 people dead. It's this horrific event, obviously, and the next most recent shooting was in the 1980s. And then, of course, they became a lot more commonplace.
I haven't even heard of a handful of these shootings, and I would like to say how completely horrifying that is---that these shootings occur frequently enough that they aren't even covered, necessarily.
While these accounts convey fear and anger, there's also a sense of hope throughout, that eventually these shootings will stop. Several people mention the Parkland teenagers as being a real catalyst for change. We'll see what happens when they're all old enough to vote (when all the kids who grew up with active shooter drills are all old enough to vote).
This is so necessary and I hope it was cathartic for the people who contributed. I also am hoping that the editors are doing well; it was clear that working on this book was traumatizing for them, too. That's something that's not discussed, the idea of secondhand trauma.
Highly recommended.
Read
January 22, 2026this is SUCH an important book.
Unrated because it doesn’t feel right for me to rate people’s personal experiences with gun violence
Unrated because it doesn’t feel right for me to rate people’s personal experiences with gun violence
July 30, 2019
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
Interesting to hear the views of the survivors and families of victims. Overall, this was a good book.
Interesting to hear the views of the survivors and families of victims. Overall, this was a good book.
June 11, 2019
This is harrowing, sad, and a cry for help. I never thought I would sit here and give five stars to a book about students killing students. About military issue weapons being freely available like going to buy a chocolate. And the ammunition is given as a sort of well done for buying this killing gun. It's killing guns. Its not guns for self protection.
I'm so angry. I feel so helpless. I want to do more but I don't know where to start. You see, I live in South Africa. A third world country compared to the USA. And we have extremely strict gun laws. I own a hand gun, I'm not anti guns. But this... No background check, no problem. It's greed.
I was especially moved when I read where one lady said :"Our thoughts and prayers."
Oh Holy God. Thoughts and prayers and nothing is being done about stricter measures to ensure kids don't get their hands on weapons? Thoughts and prayers? Really? I'm so angry I just hope someone in authority reads this and realises how the politicians are killing kids. Because that's where the buck stops.
The book offers many ideas that are constructive - and it would help to know the signs, to check Facebook posts, check social media. Teens who are going though deep emotional stress often reach out to strangers. I am angry but I feel so sorry for the killers too. I feel sorry for their parents and families. Am I a monster for feeling sorry for them?
The dead kids (as one mother so desperately pointed out that her child is dead. Not lost like a bunch of keys or a cell phone. Dead.) - I don't even know what to say. I realise there are dead adults too. But they are someone's child, wife, husband, mother or father. They are dead. They cannot speak.
I am so glad this book speaks for them.
I'm just so angry no one will listen. Until the next thoughts and prayers.
Please read this book. Everybody who has a child in any school or university in the world. Please read this book.
It could be your child who is dead next.
I'm sorry. I thought I could write this review as I wrote my news stories. I can't. I cannot get my head around the fact that the super power in the world will not protect its children.
I'm so angry. I feel so helpless. I want to do more but I don't know where to start. You see, I live in South Africa. A third world country compared to the USA. And we have extremely strict gun laws. I own a hand gun, I'm not anti guns. But this... No background check, no problem. It's greed.
I was especially moved when I read where one lady said :"Our thoughts and prayers."
Oh Holy God. Thoughts and prayers and nothing is being done about stricter measures to ensure kids don't get their hands on weapons? Thoughts and prayers? Really? I'm so angry I just hope someone in authority reads this and realises how the politicians are killing kids. Because that's where the buck stops.
The book offers many ideas that are constructive - and it would help to know the signs, to check Facebook posts, check social media. Teens who are going though deep emotional stress often reach out to strangers. I am angry but I feel so sorry for the killers too. I feel sorry for their parents and families. Am I a monster for feeling sorry for them?
The dead kids (as one mother so desperately pointed out that her child is dead. Not lost like a bunch of keys or a cell phone. Dead.) - I don't even know what to say. I realise there are dead adults too. But they are someone's child, wife, husband, mother or father. They are dead. They cannot speak.
I am so glad this book speaks for them.
I'm just so angry no one will listen. Until the next thoughts and prayers.
Please read this book. Everybody who has a child in any school or university in the world. Please read this book.
It could be your child who is dead next.
I'm sorry. I thought I could write this review as I wrote my news stories. I can't. I cannot get my head around the fact that the super power in the world will not protect its children.
September 21, 2022
This book is a compilation of narratives from the people affected by school shootings: survivors, family members, and teachers/staff - so of course, it's incredibly difficult to read. There are countless heart-wrenching details and moving accounts of some of the most horrible moments in our country's history. It was an effective and insightful idea to bring all of these stories together in one book - which at times was also maddening when you think about how little our country has done to prevent these types of shootings from occurring in the future. There is simply so, so much preventable loss.
As much as I appreciated these survivors' stories, I did have some issues with the way the material was presented. Each chapter covers a different school shooting, beginning with the most recent in 2018 (when the book was published) and then going backwards until the University of Texas shooting in the 60s. This was an interesting set-up but I think I might have preferred it going in the other direction to see the progression of how these events have been handled differently as time has moved on (in the aftermath at the schools, in the media, etc.). Each chapter opens with a statement from one of the two book's editors. They set up what each chapter is going to cover, but a huge turn-off to me is that they often mentioned the exact details or quotes that were the most powerful in the upcoming narratives. So, when the reader comes across it when the survivor says it, it already has lost its meaning and poignancy. I think the book would have benefitted from a short overview at the beginning of each chapter simply explaining more about the facts of each shooting (and not getting into what the survivor accounts are going to say). I ended up having to constantly Wikipedia things because I wanted to know more facts, which often took me out of the story.
I wish every member of the NRA and any gun rights activist would have to read these pages. Maybe they would think twice about their views.
*Free copy provided by Netgalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review*
As much as I appreciated these survivors' stories, I did have some issues with the way the material was presented. Each chapter covers a different school shooting, beginning with the most recent in 2018 (when the book was published) and then going backwards until the University of Texas shooting in the 60s. This was an interesting set-up but I think I might have preferred it going in the other direction to see the progression of how these events have been handled differently as time has moved on (in the aftermath at the schools, in the media, etc.). Each chapter opens with a statement from one of the two book's editors. They set up what each chapter is going to cover, but a huge turn-off to me is that they often mentioned the exact details or quotes that were the most powerful in the upcoming narratives. So, when the reader comes across it when the survivor says it, it already has lost its meaning and poignancy. I think the book would have benefitted from a short overview at the beginning of each chapter simply explaining more about the facts of each shooting (and not getting into what the survivor accounts are going to say). I ended up having to constantly Wikipedia things because I wanted to know more facts, which often took me out of the story.
I wish every member of the NRA and any gun rights activist would have to read these pages. Maybe they would think twice about their views.
*Free copy provided by Netgalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review*
November 11, 2020
This book took me a long time to get through. It was so hard to read, great book but rough subject. I would have to take breaks in between chapters and read another book so I wasn’t having nightmares.
I recommend this book, it’s so sad. It is about several different school shootings in the US, starting with Sante Fe High School May 2018 all the way to University of Texas in August 1966. It gets point of views from teachers, students, parents, doctors, etc. it’s so heart breaking. As a parent it makes you think and makes you have the important conversations with your kids.
I recommend this book, it’s so sad. It is about several different school shootings in the US, starting with Sante Fe High School May 2018 all the way to University of Texas in August 1966. It gets point of views from teachers, students, parents, doctors, etc. it’s so heart breaking. As a parent it makes you think and makes you have the important conversations with your kids.
September 12, 2020
I live in Colorado. To read about Columbine (again) was... there just isn't a word. I did learn a few things about the survivors. Reading about Sandy Hook was probably the hardest for me, from the principal who sacrificed her life, to the children who never got the chance to live. Of course this book isn't easy to read, it shouldn't be, but it is necessary. Not wanting to talk about something because it's tragic or painful accomplishes nothing.
December 8, 2024
I’m glad it was written and that all the participants had the strength to do it. I feel weird giving a book about school shootings 5 stars? I can’t.
Also, thought a lot about what kind of messaging would come from survivors from Uvalde (related aside, I hate that there were SO many elementary students mentioned in this book) and Oxford; especially since the Crumbley parents conviction.
Also, thought a lot about what kind of messaging would come from survivors from Uvalde (related aside, I hate that there were SO many elementary students mentioned in this book) and Oxford; especially since the Crumbley parents conviction.
September 19, 2019
Not gonna lie, the typos drove me crazy but the importance of a book like this is insurmountable. This isn’t scare tactics. This isn’t leftist (two passages come to mind that are clearly conservative narrators). This is a raw and mind numbing look at the longevity of trauma and the sheer number of incidents and affected parties. It was hard to read, in the best possible way.
September 8, 2019
Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for this arc in exchange for an honest review.
This book was heart wrenching. Survivors and family members write about what life is like after these school shootings. Some talking about that day their lives changed.
Grab a box of tissues.
This book was heart wrenching. Survivors and family members write about what life is like after these school shootings. Some talking about that day their lives changed.
Grab a box of tissues.
October 20, 2019
Incredibly powerful.
August 25, 2020
I was about 3/4 of the way through the book last night when I HAD to put it down and get a drink. This book will ruin you, but it is so necessary to read. I would recommend this book to anyone and everyone.
October 5, 2019
There is no "right" way to survive, you just do. That is the takeaway from this book of compiled essays of those who have lived through school shootings or the consequences of those shootings. It is amazing what people can live through and devastating that nothing changes. This is a hard but necessary read. The only thing I have against this book: the cover is crap and the editing was negligible. This was a pricey hardcover and it would appear no proofreaders were available the day it went to print but that is an old and frequent complaint.
August 27, 2019
I was unsure of what to expect reading this book. I was prepared to be uncomfortable, but it was done in a way that was not in your face. It is fact filled. It will make you think. It will make you cry. I had to put it down more than once. After reading this, I cannot understand how our representatives can vote down measures to stop this preventable loss of lives. I read of the survivors, the families, and police and first responders . Lives still effected by these events. These are only the school shootings. I thought about all the other shootings . No place is safe and nothing is done. Read this book. It gives a voice to those who cannot speak and those who need to be heard.
October 6, 2019
Devastating and difficult, but probably one of the most important books I will ever read. Everyone should read this book.
August 29, 2019
In this book you will read the stories of the survivors of mass shootings and the families of the victims that are left to live without their loved ones. The voices of the people whose stories fill these pages deserved to be heard. This makes 'If I don't make it, I love you' an incredibly important book in a time when mass shootings across the states happen with an unacceptable frequency.
Hopefully these accounts will give some kind of insight in to a way to combat the desperate issue.
This book really is a must read.
I received this ARC from netgalley in exchange for a review.
Hopefully these accounts will give some kind of insight in to a way to combat the desperate issue.
This book really is a must read.
I received this ARC from netgalley in exchange for a review.
August 19, 2019
Get a box of Kleenex handy, you will need it while reading this book.
First, let me tell you that I absolutely HATE that this book was written.
There should be NO gun violence in this great nation...yet here we are.
Now that is out of the way....
This book was tragic in so many ways. From the parents, students, siblings, doctors, etc....everyone had a story about gun violence. So many people were affected by gun violence. A ripple affect that crosses generations.
It was hard to read, but an important read.
I liked how the book was laid out. But there was times when I had to put the book down and take a break. I wanted to make sure that I gave each story its rightful attention.
Its a hard book but one that needed to be done.
The only negative, the authors did not get any personal stories from police officers/school resource officers.
First, let me tell you that I absolutely HATE that this book was written.
There should be NO gun violence in this great nation...yet here we are.
Now that is out of the way....
This book was tragic in so many ways. From the parents, students, siblings, doctors, etc....everyone had a story about gun violence. So many people were affected by gun violence. A ripple affect that crosses generations.
It was hard to read, but an important read.
I liked how the book was laid out. But there was times when I had to put the book down and take a break. I wanted to make sure that I gave each story its rightful attention.
Its a hard book but one that needed to be done.
The only negative, the authors did not get any personal stories from police officers/school resource officers.
July 8, 2019
My morbid interest in school shootings began back when I was in elementary school. I was around eleven years old when I was kicked out of my 4th-grade classroom for talking about Columbine. I do not know why the tragic event fascinated me so much. As I got older, I began reading every book and watching every movie or documentary on the subject I could find. This would lead to me actually developing plans of writing a book myself. However, what most people do not understand is how truly overwhelming these events are (both in how horrible they are and quantity). Everyone has heard of Columbine, Parkland, and Virginia Tech, but the majority of these events only get noticed locally. If it doesn’t have something that makes it stand out or a high kill count, it just isn’t worth talking about in mainstream media.
School shootings did not start in the ’90s. It doesn’t happen because someone enjoys violent games or listens to Marilyn Manson. The shooters are not always the victims of bullying or suffering from depression. Americans have spent so much time trying to come up with a formula or something to put all the blame on. If we could just figure it out and create a quick (preferably cheap) fix, we could all just move on with our lives. Yet, after all this time, after so many deaths, no answers have been found. In the end, I think that on-going question of “why” is what fueled most of my own personal interest. I was convinced, like many others, that I could find out why this keeps happening. I was determined to be the one to discover the magical formula that led to someone performing these horrific acts.
Then Sandy Hook happened. Newtown destroyed me. For months after, I had nightmares of tiny, bloody bodies stacked in classrooms. This is when I stopped caring about “why” and just became furious it was even happening at all. Surely, this would be the tragedy that forced change...but then nothing happened. I stopped all research and stopped following any additional incidents. It was just too much for me and my mental health could no longer handle it. I do occasionally still read books on the topic, but only if it offers something new, which is why I chose to read the 500+ page If I Don’t Make It, I Love You.
This book, edited by Amye Archer and Loren Kleinman features essays from individuals affected by school shootings. Survivors share the long-lasting effects they are now dealing with, families detail their struggles and anger after losing loved ones, and even Doctors share their point of view. Working chronologically from Santa Fe High School back to the Tower shooting at the University of Texas in the ’60s, it includes information not only about the popular tragedies, but several of the lesser known ones as well. It is an incredibly difficult, yet necessary read. There is so much pain in the pages of this book, which is to be expected, but I also found a growing bit of hope developing mainly around the survivors of Parkland. It is sad, but I think many have passed on the torch of trying to change things to these kids. One only hopes they are able to do better than those before them.
I really liked how the book was put together. Each chapter represents a different tragedy, and at the beginning of each, we hear a bit from one of the editors. The names of the shooters are rarely mentioned, and it in no way glorifies anything they did. I also really appreciated the mentions of incidents prior to the University of Texas Tower Shooting (which many consider to be the first mass killing at a school). Archer and Kleinman did their research (and shared the toil it took on them). The only issue I did have with this book was how many of the “essays” were excerpts from other books. It doesn’t take away anything...I am just too tempted now to read all of these books, and as mentioned earlier, I do not think that would be good for me. As heavy as the subject matter is, I think this should be required reading for many in our society (especially politicians).
I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Rating: 4.5/5
School shootings did not start in the ’90s. It doesn’t happen because someone enjoys violent games or listens to Marilyn Manson. The shooters are not always the victims of bullying or suffering from depression. Americans have spent so much time trying to come up with a formula or something to put all the blame on. If we could just figure it out and create a quick (preferably cheap) fix, we could all just move on with our lives. Yet, after all this time, after so many deaths, no answers have been found. In the end, I think that on-going question of “why” is what fueled most of my own personal interest. I was convinced, like many others, that I could find out why this keeps happening. I was determined to be the one to discover the magical formula that led to someone performing these horrific acts.
Then Sandy Hook happened. Newtown destroyed me. For months after, I had nightmares of tiny, bloody bodies stacked in classrooms. This is when I stopped caring about “why” and just became furious it was even happening at all. Surely, this would be the tragedy that forced change...but then nothing happened. I stopped all research and stopped following any additional incidents. It was just too much for me and my mental health could no longer handle it. I do occasionally still read books on the topic, but only if it offers something new, which is why I chose to read the 500+ page If I Don’t Make It, I Love You.
This book, edited by Amye Archer and Loren Kleinman features essays from individuals affected by school shootings. Survivors share the long-lasting effects they are now dealing with, families detail their struggles and anger after losing loved ones, and even Doctors share their point of view. Working chronologically from Santa Fe High School back to the Tower shooting at the University of Texas in the ’60s, it includes information not only about the popular tragedies, but several of the lesser known ones as well. It is an incredibly difficult, yet necessary read. There is so much pain in the pages of this book, which is to be expected, but I also found a growing bit of hope developing mainly around the survivors of Parkland. It is sad, but I think many have passed on the torch of trying to change things to these kids. One only hopes they are able to do better than those before them.
I really liked how the book was put together. Each chapter represents a different tragedy, and at the beginning of each, we hear a bit from one of the editors. The names of the shooters are rarely mentioned, and it in no way glorifies anything they did. I also really appreciated the mentions of incidents prior to the University of Texas Tower Shooting (which many consider to be the first mass killing at a school). Archer and Kleinman did their research (and shared the toil it took on them). The only issue I did have with this book was how many of the “essays” were excerpts from other books. It doesn’t take away anything...I am just too tempted now to read all of these books, and as mentioned earlier, I do not think that would be good for me. As heavy as the subject matter is, I think this should be required reading for many in our society (especially politicians).
I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Rating: 4.5/5
August 5, 2019
This was such a heart wrenching read. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. It was complied with such compassion and kept me brimming over from start to finish. The accounts in this book span fifty years of school shooting and consist of memories, accounts and statements from witnesses, friends and families of victims of school shootings. Can every pro gun politician in the United States of America please read this account? Maybe then laws will be changed because at present they lead to nothing but innocent lives being lost.
September 20, 2019
3.5 Stars. I was looking forward to reading this for a while, so I guess I expected a bit more from it.
I enjoyed the wide range of stories from varied perspectives. There were some accounts and shootings in here I had not heard of before (e.g. 1989 elementary school in Stockton) and there were, of course, accounts that brought me to tears. I was surprised there were no accounts from the Jonesboro shooting, which happened in 1998 between West Paducah and Columbine. That shooting is the one that is “first” in my mind. I was the same age as the victims and I remember seeing their photos on the front page of the newspaper and feeling this intense shock and grief that has since followed me each time there’s another mass shooting.
Two issues bought the rating down for me. One, there are a lot of typos (mostly missing words or extra words) that distracted me from the text. The typos were not just in the contributor essays, but also in the chapter intros. Perhaps the book will go through another round of editing before future editions are released, or maybe the typos were just a Kindle edition issue. Two, I understand the editors wanted to include a range of accounts, but the book does feel a bit too long and could benefit from some culling down. However, ending on Natalie's essay was perfect. Her words were so emotional and poignant.
Despite a few issues with the book, I do recommend it and commend the editors for their tireless work researching and capturing all of these accounts. The book captures on the page the sheer magnitude and insanity the mass shooting epidemic has reached in this country.
I enjoyed the wide range of stories from varied perspectives. There were some accounts and shootings in here I had not heard of before (e.g. 1989 elementary school in Stockton) and there were, of course, accounts that brought me to tears. I was surprised there were no accounts from the Jonesboro shooting, which happened in 1998 between West Paducah and Columbine. That shooting is the one that is “first” in my mind. I was the same age as the victims and I remember seeing their photos on the front page of the newspaper and feeling this intense shock and grief that has since followed me each time there’s another mass shooting.
Two issues bought the rating down for me. One, there are a lot of typos (mostly missing words or extra words) that distracted me from the text. The typos were not just in the contributor essays, but also in the chapter intros. Perhaps the book will go through another round of editing before future editions are released, or maybe the typos were just a Kindle edition issue. Two, I understand the editors wanted to include a range of accounts, but the book does feel a bit too long and could benefit from some culling down. However, ending on Natalie's essay was perfect. Her words were so emotional and poignant.
Despite a few issues with the book, I do recommend it and commend the editors for their tireless work researching and capturing all of these accounts. The book captures on the page the sheer magnitude and insanity the mass shooting epidemic has reached in this country.
September 9, 2019
Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC of this novel. Many thanks to those that have contributed to this novel in any way.
This has to be one of the most heartbreaking books I've ever read. I'm thankful that I have not been directly affected by gun violence but it has hit close to home. There was a shooting a couple years back when a guy was distraught over a breakup and shot multiple people on a bridge. One never thinks that something like this could happen when you live but it has sadly become more widespread. I really connected with the phrase in the book "Gun violence prevention advocates don't want to take away guns. We just don't want your guns to take our lives or the lives of our children." I think this is a really important statement and a great way of looking at it.
This has to be one of the most heartbreaking books I've ever read. I'm thankful that I have not been directly affected by gun violence but it has hit close to home. There was a shooting a couple years back when a guy was distraught over a breakup and shot multiple people on a bridge. One never thinks that something like this could happen when you live but it has sadly become more widespread. I really connected with the phrase in the book "Gun violence prevention advocates don't want to take away guns. We just don't want your guns to take our lives or the lives of our children." I think this is a really important statement and a great way of looking at it.
July 10, 2019
If you ever wanted to know how mass shootings can affect someone, read this book. Told from various people that in some form or fashion, a mass shooting became a part of their life. Told honestly and with compassion. We tend to focus on the victims and their families, but this book will make you understand there are so many others that are affected. Thanks to Netgalley, the author and the publisher for the arc of this book in return for my honest review. Receiving the book in this manner had no bearing on my review.
June 19, 2019
Should be mandatory reading, it's not enough to send thoughts and prayers. More needs to be done but for those of us not personally involved we can just change the chanel, Wear their shoes, feel the pain don't close off to the truth. Guns hurt, one may be shot but the ricochet bounces around and hurts families, schools, communities. Not a bipartisan argument but a human one. Please read
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