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If I Don't Six
Elwood Reid first appeared on the literary stage with a powerful and bruising story called "What Salmon Know," which appeared in the March 1997 issue of GQ. Here was a writer not afraid to examine the soulful underside of the American male, or the violence that accompanies disappointed dreams. Now, in his first, extraordinary novel, Reid tells the story of Elwood Riley, a six-foot-six, 275-pound blue-collar kid whose ticket out of Cleveland is a "full ride" football scholarship to the University of Michigan.
But Riley is cursed with intelligence and an awareness of the vicious inhumanity of the college football system. If Riley doesn't want to "six"--lose his scholarship or get maimed--he has to become a "fella," a pain-loving freak too nihilistic to care what he does to himself or others. And after Riley encounters the alluring, mysteriously damaged Kate, his dilemma becomes ever more painful.
Elwood Reid's portrait of this world is at once blackly humorous, starkly tragic, and perfectly detailed. With deft strokes, he portrays emotionally stunted coaches who have mastered the art of humiliating and manipulating young men, groupies attracted to the fame but undone by the shocking cruelty of the players, and the athletes themselves, who grow addicted to violence, alcohol, and steroids, too caught up in the glory of playing for Big Blue to notice they are mere meat to the coaches and the university.
In tough, spare, beautiful prose that should invite comparisons to the works of Thom Jones and Denis Johnson, Reid describes a place where young men damage their souls and their bodies in pursuit of a worthless glamor. This is a profound, unsettling book about a familiar yet hidden world--a Greek tragedy in cleats.
But Riley is cursed with intelligence and an awareness of the vicious inhumanity of the college football system. If Riley doesn't want to "six"--lose his scholarship or get maimed--he has to become a "fella," a pain-loving freak too nihilistic to care what he does to himself or others. And after Riley encounters the alluring, mysteriously damaged Kate, his dilemma becomes ever more painful.
Elwood Reid's portrait of this world is at once blackly humorous, starkly tragic, and perfectly detailed. With deft strokes, he portrays emotionally stunted coaches who have mastered the art of humiliating and manipulating young men, groupies attracted to the fame but undone by the shocking cruelty of the players, and the athletes themselves, who grow addicted to violence, alcohol, and steroids, too caught up in the glory of playing for Big Blue to notice they are mere meat to the coaches and the university.
In tough, spare, beautiful prose that should invite comparisons to the works of Thom Jones and Denis Johnson, Reid describes a place where young men damage their souls and their bodies in pursuit of a worthless glamor. This is a profound, unsettling book about a familiar yet hidden world--a Greek tragedy in cleats.
259 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1998
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
June 24, 2010
Perhaps this is too niche a book; however, considering it is an exposé of collegiate athletics [particularly football:], and it indicts the only team I have any loyalty towards, my endorsement has extra weight. Spoiler: this book will damage any perceptions you have of the purity of the 'student/athlete' in tier one athletic schools.
April 26, 2025
Elwood Reid’s “If I Don’t Six” is an examination of the underside of American sport,
the violence that is inherent in football, and the cul de sac of broken dreams. Reid’s
novel describes Elwood Riley, a six-foot-six, 275-pound blue-collar man- child from
Cleveland who is on a football scholarship to the University of Michigan.
Unfortunately, Riley is a thinker, and aware of the brutality and inanity of college
football. Riley doesn't want to "six" - i.e., lose his scholarship. But, his choices are
constrained: he can embrace the nihilistic culture at the U, or attempt to make a
separate peace. Riley is a Stoic- he often quotes Zeno and Aurelius- to bolster his
perseverance; however, when he encounters Kate, a beguiling coach’s daughter, his
equilibrium is disrupted; and, of course he dumps his high school girlfriend - a
cheerleader,of course.
Elwood Reid's narrative is humorous in the manner that fans of Joseph Heller would
appreciate; it is a tragedy in blue and maize. His description of the ‘system’ is
nuanced, accurate, and devastating. He portrays manipulative coaches, desperate
student- athletes, and adoring groupies.
In terse, Hemingway-like prose, Reid describes a world of violence, drug, and
alcohol abuse; a world where young men forgo their education, destroy their bodies,
and lose their souls. Reid’s “Catch-22” is the athlete’s dream of the ’career ending
painless injury,’ the only graceful exit for a financially unviable young man. This is a
profound and disturbing book; but, as Elwood Riley would note, “Everything is only
for the day, both that which is remembered, and he who remembers it.”
the violence that is inherent in football, and the cul de sac of broken dreams. Reid’s
novel describes Elwood Riley, a six-foot-six, 275-pound blue-collar man- child from
Cleveland who is on a football scholarship to the University of Michigan.
Unfortunately, Riley is a thinker, and aware of the brutality and inanity of college
football. Riley doesn't want to "six" - i.e., lose his scholarship. But, his choices are
constrained: he can embrace the nihilistic culture at the U, or attempt to make a
separate peace. Riley is a Stoic- he often quotes Zeno and Aurelius- to bolster his
perseverance; however, when he encounters Kate, a beguiling coach’s daughter, his
equilibrium is disrupted; and, of course he dumps his high school girlfriend - a
cheerleader,of course.
Elwood Reid's narrative is humorous in the manner that fans of Joseph Heller would
appreciate; it is a tragedy in blue and maize. His description of the ‘system’ is
nuanced, accurate, and devastating. He portrays manipulative coaches, desperate
student- athletes, and adoring groupies.
In terse, Hemingway-like prose, Reid describes a world of violence, drug, and
alcohol abuse; a world where young men forgo their education, destroy their bodies,
and lose their souls. Reid’s “Catch-22” is the athlete’s dream of the ’career ending
painless injury,’ the only graceful exit for a financially unviable young man. This is a
profound and disturbing book; but, as Elwood Riley would note, “Everything is only
for the day, both that which is remembered, and he who remembers it.”
March 14, 2021
A quick read about the depravity of behind-the-scenes life on the college football scene. I was warned that this book would shock me... but I honestly have to say it’s about what I expected. I’m not sure if that’s more a commentary on who I am and how jaded I’ve become or if it’s further proof of how messed up people can be in general. Either way, it was a decent story that was perhaps a little self-indulgent for the author.
February 15, 2018
Another indictment of big time college sports. This man wrote a fictionalized version of his year on the University of Michigan football team and how quickly he became disillusioned with the entire process and what it takes to be a dedicated Division One player. He only made it through one year.
February 26, 2019
3 stars plus a bonus star for being set in Ann Arbor. I imagine that when this book was published in 1998 it could have been shocking. Today we know how schools exploit student-athletes and how they misbehave so there’s nothing surprising in here. Not a ton of novels about college football players, so worth a read, esp if you also fondly remember South Quad. Go Blue!
March 31, 2014
Take just about every controversy that has beset American football in the past few years and you’ll end up with If I Don’t Six.
Only If I Don’t Six was published in 1998.
A fictional account of a full-scholarship player’s induction into D-I football, the book draws heavily from the author’s life (e.g., the main character’s name is Elwood Riley as compared to the author’s name, Elwood Reid). Riley is an outlier within the world of football: a lineman with a brain, he’s skeptical of the blind love so many of his coaches and fellow players have for the game. At the same time, Riley fits into that world. He is one of them. That’s the heart of the novel: the tension between Riley’s intellectual side and his football persona.
The novel has its share of flaws, but it’s overall an engrossing, sometimes depressing look into the world of football. Perhaps more relevant than it was when published, this one’s worth a read for football fans. Recommended.
Only If I Don’t Six was published in 1998.
A fictional account of a full-scholarship player’s induction into D-I football, the book draws heavily from the author’s life (e.g., the main character’s name is Elwood Riley as compared to the author’s name, Elwood Reid). Riley is an outlier within the world of football: a lineman with a brain, he’s skeptical of the blind love so many of his coaches and fellow players have for the game. At the same time, Riley fits into that world. He is one of them. That’s the heart of the novel: the tension between Riley’s intellectual side and his football persona.
The novel has its share of flaws, but it’s overall an engrossing, sometimes depressing look into the world of football. Perhaps more relevant than it was when published, this one’s worth a read for football fans. Recommended.
October 15, 2020
5/5
Inspired by the author's experiences playing college football at the University of Michigan, If I Don't Six is a hard-hitting tale that looks at the dark underbelly of the football machine and the bodies—athlete and non-athlete alike—that it chews up and spits out.
If you've bought into the fantasy of college football, you probably won't enjoy this book. If you worship the Michigan Wolverines and the late Bo Schembechler, you really won't enjoy this book.
Inspired by the author's experiences playing college football at the University of Michigan, If I Don't Six is a hard-hitting tale that looks at the dark underbelly of the football machine and the bodies—athlete and non-athlete alike—that it chews up and spits out.
If you've bought into the fantasy of college football, you probably won't enjoy this book. If you worship the Michigan Wolverines and the late Bo Schembechler, you really won't enjoy this book.
January 28, 2008
Excellent read of an insider's look, which sometimes is not always that good. The character of the jock with brains has been done before but never this well. You can't be an idealist about sports after reading this. Hell, Reid's just a damned good writer and I'm interested to read his other stuff.
July 9, 2009
Some of the best descriptions and internal dialogue of what really goes on at football practice. I really enjoyed reading this back when I did, which is about 10 years ago, when I was an enthusiastic, young sports reporter.
July 17, 2012
The novel had some interesting aspects about major college football in it. The author was a player himself so it does have some veracity to it. The prose was ok, and the story bogged down a bit, but worth it if you like college football.
November 7, 2013
Not what I expected. I picked up this book at an airport bookstore and figured it would be a quick read to pass the time. It basically boils down to a revelation of the shady underworld of a big time college football program.
February 15, 2016
I didn't want to enjoy this book. It was good though.
The plot may not have been the best and some of the story arcs are pointless BUT this story gives an honest and deep insight into the college football machine.
This is well worth a read even if it's a little out dated
The plot may not have been the best and some of the story arcs are pointless BUT this story gives an honest and deep insight into the college football machine.
This is well worth a read even if it's a little out dated
July 31, 2007
I hoped this book would give an insight to playing college football, instead it turned out to be a story that centered around a college football player's freshman year.
September 18, 2008
My opinion may be a little biased because the author was my college writing professor and I happen to care about Michigan football, but even without those things, this would still be a great read.
April 18, 2010
I was little disappointed that the book did not talk about Ann Arbor. I'm a Michigan alum - so I was hoping to read about the city in the eyes of a footballer.
April 22, 2010
Quick read...could have been a more developed story to entice the reader more. I expected more info and background on the main character.
March 23, 2012
I read this book over 10 years ago and I remember more about how how tragic it seemed rather than the story line. I would recomment it though.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews