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The Myth of the Perfect Pregnancy: A History of Miscarriage in America
When a couple plans for a child today, every moment seems precious and unique. Home pregnancy tests promise good news just days after conception, and prospective parents can track the progress of their pregnancy day by day with apps that deliver a stream of embryonic portraits. On-line due date calculators trigger a direct-marketing barrage of baby-name lists and diaper coupons. Ultrasounds as early as eight weeks offer a first photo for the baby book.
Yet, all too often, even the best-strategized childbearing plans go awry. About twenty percent of confirmed pregnancies miscarry, mostly in the first months of gestation. Statistically, early pregnancy losses are a normal part of childbearing for healthy women. Drawing on sources ranging from advice books and corporate marketing plans to diary entries and blog posts, Lara Freidenfelds offers a deep perspective on how this common and natural phenomenon has been experienced. As she shows, historically, miscarriages were generally taken in stride so long as a woman eventually had the children she desired.
This has changed in recent decades, and an early pregnancy loss is often heartbreaking and can be as devastating to couples as losing a child. Freidenfelds traces how innovations in scientific medicine, consumer culture, cultural attitudes toward women and families, and fundamental convictions about human agency have reshaped the childbearing landscape. While the benefits of an increased emphasis on parental affection, careful pregnancy planning, attentive medical care, and specialized baby gear are real, they have also created unrealistic and potentially damaging expectations about a couple's ability to control reproduction and achieve perfect experiences.
The Myth of the Perfect Pregnancy provides a reassuring perspective on early pregnancy loss and suggests ways for miscarriage to more effectively be acknowledged by women, their families, their healthcare providers, and the maternity care industry.
Yet, all too often, even the best-strategized childbearing plans go awry. About twenty percent of confirmed pregnancies miscarry, mostly in the first months of gestation. Statistically, early pregnancy losses are a normal part of childbearing for healthy women. Drawing on sources ranging from advice books and corporate marketing plans to diary entries and blog posts, Lara Freidenfelds offers a deep perspective on how this common and natural phenomenon has been experienced. As she shows, historically, miscarriages were generally taken in stride so long as a woman eventually had the children she desired.
This has changed in recent decades, and an early pregnancy loss is often heartbreaking and can be as devastating to couples as losing a child. Freidenfelds traces how innovations in scientific medicine, consumer culture, cultural attitudes toward women and families, and fundamental convictions about human agency have reshaped the childbearing landscape. While the benefits of an increased emphasis on parental affection, careful pregnancy planning, attentive medical care, and specialized baby gear are real, they have also created unrealistic and potentially damaging expectations about a couple's ability to control reproduction and achieve perfect experiences.
The Myth of the Perfect Pregnancy provides a reassuring perspective on early pregnancy loss and suggests ways for miscarriage to more effectively be acknowledged by women, their families, their healthcare providers, and the maternity care industry.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published January 2, 2020
28 people are currently reading
697 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
January 10, 2020
Everything we think we know about how to be pregnant is a construction - and Lara Freidenfelds carefully details how and when that construction came to be, and how medical professionals and marketing corporations have sold women blame and responsibility for things beyond their control in this fascinating book. Feridenfelds charts the ways in which the deep grief that people who are pregnant feel when they lose a pregnancy is deeply shaped by constructions of "baby" and parenthood (especially motherhood) that have been created to benefit corporate sales. Marketers want to sell multiples of pregnancy tests, ovulation kits, and every possible accessory to pregnancy as soon as possible, encouraging women to consider embryos babies even at a stage when the pregnancy may be over, but impossible to detect. Similarly, medical interventions and monitoring have increased over the course of the twentieth century, often to benefit medical professionals and their income rather than parents. All of this amplifies a person's grief when a pregnancy is lost. It's eye-opening.
There's much I wish this book did better, especially a racial analysis of how these things came to be. It's clear that Freidenfelds is talking about the middle class more than any other group throughout the book, but more, she's talking about the white middle class. There's no mention of the testing of the pill on Puerto Rican women in this book, for example, despite a lot of info on the pill itself. There's no real investigation of the way in which sterilization was used punitively against Black, Native, and Latina women well into the 1970s and 80s (and potentially still!) even as white women tried to use it as a contraceptive method. Slavery is mentioned in passing more than once, but there's no real attempt to wrestle with the legacy of that institution in terms of reproductive justice. Friedenfelds does a *lot* in this book - but I feel like a slight shift in perspective would have allowed her to do more without adding to the material weight of the text.
There's much I wish this book did better, especially a racial analysis of how these things came to be. It's clear that Freidenfelds is talking about the middle class more than any other group throughout the book, but more, she's talking about the white middle class. There's no mention of the testing of the pill on Puerto Rican women in this book, for example, despite a lot of info on the pill itself. There's no real investigation of the way in which sterilization was used punitively against Black, Native, and Latina women well into the 1970s and 80s (and potentially still!) even as white women tried to use it as a contraceptive method. Slavery is mentioned in passing more than once, but there's no real attempt to wrestle with the legacy of that institution in terms of reproductive justice. Friedenfelds does a *lot* in this book - but I feel like a slight shift in perspective would have allowed her to do more without adding to the material weight of the text.
December 4, 2020
Some of this was really interesting, but overall it felt like it was telling us that women shouldn't be sad if they miscarry because women didn't used to feel sad about it before we had better detection methods.
May 21, 2021
Oh I deeply enjoyed this. It's not without its problems: the history Freidenfelds presents is VERY white, something she kind of elides by describing it as "middle class" (even though, as she notes in her footnotes, many of the birthing and parenting concerns and goals she writes about here transcend class and racial lines) and yes ooo boy is it cis-centric in its use of "woman" to describe the experiences of all pregnant people (not that I expect much better from most scholarship surrounding pregnancy.)
What pushed it to five stars for me was the number of conversations I struck up about this book as I was reading it; it's a book that pushed me to talk about the changes over time, to discuss how bonkers current practices are (me @ people keeping their pregnancy tests: you peed on that???) and how the challenges of grief, while still obviously mattering a great deal, are also constructed in our current moment by historical and material forces (the push to have testing that detects ever-earlier "pregnancies" that are miscarried when historically they wouldn't be noticed at all,) as well as the pressures to "bond" earlier and earlier. It's the kind of history writing that I love the best, where it's not a progressive narrative of things getting better and better but reveals in fact where we might be off-track, and allowing us to imagine alternate ways of being that draw on the way people lived differently in the past.
So, five stars for being compelling and interesting enough that I couldn't seem to stop talking about it with people, despite its obvious (and pretty glaring) flaws around incorporating the historical experiences of Black and Indigenous folks as well as other people of color (we'll just skip over the troubling history of the pill I guess?) Good for recommending to your white mom if you, like me, have one.
What pushed it to five stars for me was the number of conversations I struck up about this book as I was reading it; it's a book that pushed me to talk about the changes over time, to discuss how bonkers current practices are (me @ people keeping their pregnancy tests: you peed on that???) and how the challenges of grief, while still obviously mattering a great deal, are also constructed in our current moment by historical and material forces (the push to have testing that detects ever-earlier "pregnancies" that are miscarried when historically they wouldn't be noticed at all,) as well as the pressures to "bond" earlier and earlier. It's the kind of history writing that I love the best, where it's not a progressive narrative of things getting better and better but reveals in fact where we might be off-track, and allowing us to imagine alternate ways of being that draw on the way people lived differently in the past.
So, five stars for being compelling and interesting enough that I couldn't seem to stop talking about it with people, despite its obvious (and pretty glaring) flaws around incorporating the historical experiences of Black and Indigenous folks as well as other people of color (we'll just skip over the troubling history of the pill I guess?) Good for recommending to your white mom if you, like me, have one.
January 10, 2022
This book really challenged me. As someone who has had a miscarriage, I at times felt like I was being told that I shouldn’t be sad. But I’m also a labor and delivery nurse, and really found fascinating the social constructs and commercialism impact on our view of pregnancy. In the end, I found that it was really talking about how because of technology and then marketing, we know a lot more about our developing babies than years past. We are conditioned to get invested sooner and there is a lack of education on how perilous pregnancies are. Are we adding unnecessary trauma to our lives by finding out we are pregnant at 4 weeks and then miscarrying a week later instead of just just thinking our period was a week late? All interesting things to think about and really great conversation starters!!
I would recommend this to anyone who works in the birth world. I don’t think I would recommend this to the average person who has had a miscarriage, I think without the medical and job view, I would have seen this as insensitive.
I would recommend this to anyone who works in the birth world. I don’t think I would recommend this to the average person who has had a miscarriage, I think without the medical and job view, I would have seen this as insensitive.
June 5, 2024
2.5 stars rounded down. The title and subtitle just don't seem to match the content. It's a jumbled history of contraception, parental attachment, prenatal care, baby gear marketing, abortion, ultrasounds, and pregnancy tests--all with loose tie-ins to miscarriage. In each chapter, the author shows how new ideas or medicine give the illusion of control over pregnancy.
Freidenfelds intimates that modern women would be better off not caring so much about early pregnancies like our forebears, whom she says saw miscarriage as a part of child spacing and fertility control. Today, she says, women are manipulated by culture/marketing/modern medicine into bonding too quickly with unviable pregnancies.
For a book about miscarriage, there was so so little about it, just constant warnings that it's common.
I didn't like how much she used social media posts and comments to illustrate popular attitudes. Reading social media comments, complete with emojis, is not what I open books for. And they were obviously anecdotal.
I read the paper copy, having picked it up while browsing the pregnancy shelf at the library.
Freidenfelds intimates that modern women would be better off not caring so much about early pregnancies like our forebears, whom she says saw miscarriage as a part of child spacing and fertility control. Today, she says, women are manipulated by culture/marketing/modern medicine into bonding too quickly with unviable pregnancies.
For a book about miscarriage, there was so so little about it, just constant warnings that it's common.
I didn't like how much she used social media posts and comments to illustrate popular attitudes. Reading social media comments, complete with emojis, is not what I open books for. And they were obviously anecdotal.
I read the paper copy, having picked it up while browsing the pregnancy shelf at the library.
August 4, 2022
An IMPORTANT book for our time. Helps us pull apart the intricacies of the language of miscarriages, fertility, abortion, and personhood without ever being pedantic or telling the reader what to think or believe. Gives you a deep historical context of child-bearing and the marketing of motherhood in America.
It made me look back at my women ancestors in awe and reverence while feeling deeply grateful for all we now have… and learning that maybe our ancestors knew better than we ever did that we didn’t need a lot of this stuff.
Beautiful, intelligent, in-depth, exactly what I needed for this personal and historical moment. Thank you, Lara.
It made me look back at my women ancestors in awe and reverence while feeling deeply grateful for all we now have… and learning that maybe our ancestors knew better than we ever did that we didn’t need a lot of this stuff.
Beautiful, intelligent, in-depth, exactly what I needed for this personal and historical moment. Thank you, Lara.
May 3, 2020
An absolute must read book. We assume that What women experience today is what they always have, but this history is a fascinating look at how we've created so much of the pain and anxiety women today experience.
August 21, 2023
This book was very good. I'm an OBGYN and I try to read and review books that patients may read, or books I may recommend they read.
Freidenfelds writes in a very clear and engaging way, and the tone overall is a good mix of academic and approachable. She strikes a good balance of acknowledging that some people find early pregnancy losses (EPLs) particularly devastating, while others do not, and both reactions are fine. She clearly cares and, especially with reading the conclusion, has some compassionate and realistic insights on how we can normalize EPL without diminishing the varied experiences that people have.
I particularly found the chapters on prenatal care, marketing to expectant parents and the home pregnancy test to be enlightening. As with "a history of" anything, it's helpful to understand the context and events that led us to where we are today.
The prenatal care chapter also includes a good history on pregnancy advice books which have, unfortunately, frequently blamed women for their pregnancy outcomes. Unsurprisingly, the rise of the "war on drugs" in the 80s and 90s leveraged "personal responsibility" in pregnancies as well, framing pregnant individuals who used drugs or alcohol as unloving. It was enlightening to read about so many historical examples of this appeal to be a "loving mother" has being used by governments, pharmaceutical companies, public heath and big business marketing" to manipulate behavior of pregnant individuals (and, although outside the scope of this book, involve Child Protective Services).
The chapter on marketing is a good read for any prospective parent and I will give information to patients from this chapter. Of course, the American marketing and consumerism/capitalism machine just wants to sell stuff (and do it earlier and earlier!) and doesn't actually care about us, or if any of this stuff is actually necessary. Historical aspects of how we got to now with shopping for baby were fascinating and very well-written.
NOTES ON ULTRASOUND CHAPTER:
The chapter on ultrasound was interesting but also frustrating. It could have benefitted from editing by an OBGYN (I don't see an OBGYN in her acknowledgments, so not sure if she consulted one). She states on pg 158 when discussing 8 week ultrasounds that "early scanning has become increasingly common as obstetricians and hospitals try and date pregnancies more accurately in order to follow public health guidelines designed to stop doctors from inducing premature births". Her citation for this is a personal email communication, which is odd. Early scans are for dating the pregnancy, pregnancy viability (e.g. determining if there has been a miscarriage) and for determining pregnancy location (e.g. uterus, tube, etc.). Pregnancy dating matters A LOT more than just keeping us from getting dinged for inducing labor too early. Early pregnancy is the best time to date a pregnancy as all embryos of a given gestational age are very similar in size, whereas fetuses much later in pregnancy (even 18-20w) can differ in size significantly even if they are the same gestational age. Knowing gestational age matters most when there is concern for preterm delivery, as there are "limits of viability" for extremely preterm babies to be resuscitated by the neonatal ICU team and these can be strict cut-offs. Gestational age also affects when delivery occurs in medically complicated pregnancies and what interventions are given (e.g. magnesium for fetal neuro-protection, steroids for lung maturity, etc) when a preterm delivery may be indicated. Pregnancy dating is a big deal.
Additionally, she offers a very incomplete description of the nuchal translucency scan, which, if performed, occurs around 12 weeks. On pg 158 she writes "this [ultrasound] ritual has extended to an additional ultrasound exam commonly conducted between 11-12 weeks gestation". This sentence in context implies that doctors are doing this scan so that patients can "see the baby" again, which isn't true. In the footnotes, she describes that the purpose of this scan is to measure the nuchal translucency which can "detect the possibility of Down Syndrome". "Detecting the possibility" of something doesn't make sense. In hospital systems I have worked in (not sure how this goes anywhere else), if a patient desires any genetic testing, they are seen by a genetic counselor who collects family history as well as reviews in detail the options available for non-invasive and invasive genetic testing for the pregnancy. Most commonly, patients choose "non-invasive prenatal screening" (e.g. NIPS or NIPT) which is a maternal blood draw that detects fetal cells and can look for chromosomal aneuploidy (wrong number of chromosomes), such as Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome), 13, 18 and sex chromosomes. NIPS is commonly accompanied by the nuchal translucency scan. If the NT is thickened, it can be a sign of a chromosomal aneuploidy (hence why typically done in conjunction with NIPS) but can also be a sign of fetal cardiac defects in a pregnancy that is genetically normal. Do some patients pursue genetic testing so they can "see" the baby again? Sure! But that's not the reason OBGYNs offer it.
Overall, very unique and valuable read despite the limitations of the ultrasound section discussed above.
Freidenfelds writes in a very clear and engaging way, and the tone overall is a good mix of academic and approachable. She strikes a good balance of acknowledging that some people find early pregnancy losses (EPLs) particularly devastating, while others do not, and both reactions are fine. She clearly cares and, especially with reading the conclusion, has some compassionate and realistic insights on how we can normalize EPL without diminishing the varied experiences that people have.
I particularly found the chapters on prenatal care, marketing to expectant parents and the home pregnancy test to be enlightening. As with "a history of" anything, it's helpful to understand the context and events that led us to where we are today.
The prenatal care chapter also includes a good history on pregnancy advice books which have, unfortunately, frequently blamed women for their pregnancy outcomes. Unsurprisingly, the rise of the "war on drugs" in the 80s and 90s leveraged "personal responsibility" in pregnancies as well, framing pregnant individuals who used drugs or alcohol as unloving. It was enlightening to read about so many historical examples of this appeal to be a "loving mother" has being used by governments, pharmaceutical companies, public heath and big business marketing" to manipulate behavior of pregnant individuals (and, although outside the scope of this book, involve Child Protective Services).
The chapter on marketing is a good read for any prospective parent and I will give information to patients from this chapter. Of course, the American marketing and consumerism/capitalism machine just wants to sell stuff (and do it earlier and earlier!) and doesn't actually care about us, or if any of this stuff is actually necessary. Historical aspects of how we got to now with shopping for baby were fascinating and very well-written.
NOTES ON ULTRASOUND CHAPTER:
The chapter on ultrasound was interesting but also frustrating. It could have benefitted from editing by an OBGYN (I don't see an OBGYN in her acknowledgments, so not sure if she consulted one). She states on pg 158 when discussing 8 week ultrasounds that "early scanning has become increasingly common as obstetricians and hospitals try and date pregnancies more accurately in order to follow public health guidelines designed to stop doctors from inducing premature births". Her citation for this is a personal email communication, which is odd. Early scans are for dating the pregnancy, pregnancy viability (e.g. determining if there has been a miscarriage) and for determining pregnancy location (e.g. uterus, tube, etc.). Pregnancy dating matters A LOT more than just keeping us from getting dinged for inducing labor too early. Early pregnancy is the best time to date a pregnancy as all embryos of a given gestational age are very similar in size, whereas fetuses much later in pregnancy (even 18-20w) can differ in size significantly even if they are the same gestational age. Knowing gestational age matters most when there is concern for preterm delivery, as there are "limits of viability" for extremely preterm babies to be resuscitated by the neonatal ICU team and these can be strict cut-offs. Gestational age also affects when delivery occurs in medically complicated pregnancies and what interventions are given (e.g. magnesium for fetal neuro-protection, steroids for lung maturity, etc) when a preterm delivery may be indicated. Pregnancy dating is a big deal.
Additionally, she offers a very incomplete description of the nuchal translucency scan, which, if performed, occurs around 12 weeks. On pg 158 she writes "this [ultrasound] ritual has extended to an additional ultrasound exam commonly conducted between 11-12 weeks gestation". This sentence in context implies that doctors are doing this scan so that patients can "see the baby" again, which isn't true. In the footnotes, she describes that the purpose of this scan is to measure the nuchal translucency which can "detect the possibility of Down Syndrome". "Detecting the possibility" of something doesn't make sense. In hospital systems I have worked in (not sure how this goes anywhere else), if a patient desires any genetic testing, they are seen by a genetic counselor who collects family history as well as reviews in detail the options available for non-invasive and invasive genetic testing for the pregnancy. Most commonly, patients choose "non-invasive prenatal screening" (e.g. NIPS or NIPT) which is a maternal blood draw that detects fetal cells and can look for chromosomal aneuploidy (wrong number of chromosomes), such as Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome), 13, 18 and sex chromosomes. NIPS is commonly accompanied by the nuchal translucency scan. If the NT is thickened, it can be a sign of a chromosomal aneuploidy (hence why typically done in conjunction with NIPS) but can also be a sign of fetal cardiac defects in a pregnancy that is genetically normal. Do some patients pursue genetic testing so they can "see" the baby again? Sure! But that's not the reason OBGYNs offer it.
Overall, very unique and valuable read despite the limitations of the ultrasound section discussed above.
April 24, 2022
An oddly specific subject, but I really enjoyed it because I learned a lot. It was interesting to read how attitudes changes from colonial times to the 19th/20th century to the last 40 years. The author argues that society today doesn't adequately prepare parents for the realistic likelihood of pregnancy loss during a fertility journey and that there is way too much expectation/pressure on having a perfect pregnancy from conception. It was super interesting to read how these attitudes intersect with the abortion debate.
January 29, 2022
I have very mixed feelings about this book. I can tell that the author had put a lot of energy and thought into writing this book, so I will do my best to share respectfully but honestly.
In a nutshell, I learned from this book that (and I paraphrase):
- Miscarriages are quite common so it doesn't make sense to get too attached to the fetus until it is more clear that the pregnancy is viable.
- Early positive pregnancy tests have no bearing on whether you will bring home a healthy baby, let alone still be pregnant by the end of the first trimester, so don't succumb to the North American culture the following rites and rituals during early pregnancy such as naming the baby, getting too excited for early ultrasounds, and planning social announcements + baby registry.
The book does redeem itself in its last chapter "Conclusion". I don't know who's the target audience here but I don't think it's for me HOWEVER, there are useful tidbits in here. Loosely, it's about reframing the narrative through word choice (example: "prepared parenthood" instead of "planned parenthood"), education of how common miscarriage and infertility are, and pushing back on anyone or anything with an ulterior motive (all those ads for baby gear, for example).
Of note,
1. If you've just miscarried and you're looking for reading materials, you may end up like me and have trouble getting through this book. This is not the book that understands what you're going through, validates you, comforts you... nope! This book is the stronger stuff that history is made of starting with how people's perception of pregnancies and miscarriages have changed over time and WHY that is.
2. The writing felt like an academic essay to me, which does make sense given the author's background. This is most visible at the closing of each chapter as it reminds me of my English teachers' instructions for how to close out the arguments and end the essay. Other than the chapter end and the book end, I felt that sometimes the author meandered a bit. I kept asking myself "what is happening here?" and "where are we going with this?"
3. [specific complaint] As someone who is older, had trouble getting pregnant and had miscarried, I will say that I don't find the advice of "test later, don't get emotionally attached" helpful in any way. I think that's fairly tone-deaf as it doesn't acknowledge the emotional state of someone going through less-than-optimal fertility.
Last but not least, my biggest gripe about this book is that I never did figure out who was the intended reader and how did I end up buying this book. I mean, I already believe that sex-ed in school would have been much better if it taught us about fertility, infertility, miscarriage, and the associated stats of each of these. That's a whole separate conversation unrelated to this book. I am sorry that this book showed up in the bookstore's website when I went looking for reading materials, and I'm even more sorry that of all the miscarriage and grief books I bought, I had chosen this one to read first. It may have been better if I had picked up a more comforting book first.
I give this 2 stars, rounded down from 2.5. I disliked the book so much that I had to take breaks in between reading it. It's worth a read in the right mindset, even if just to see from an academic (not day-to-day) perspective how we view pregnancies and miscarriages.
My star rating system:
1 star - imo can skip this one
2 stars - no need to skip
3 stars - I liked it
4 stars - I really liked it
5 stars - I liked it so much I bought a physical copy to keep on my shelves.
In a nutshell, I learned from this book that (and I paraphrase):
- Miscarriages are quite common so it doesn't make sense to get too attached to the fetus until it is more clear that the pregnancy is viable.
- Early positive pregnancy tests have no bearing on whether you will bring home a healthy baby, let alone still be pregnant by the end of the first trimester, so don't succumb to the North American culture the following rites and rituals during early pregnancy such as naming the baby, getting too excited for early ultrasounds, and planning social announcements + baby registry.
The book does redeem itself in its last chapter "Conclusion". I don't know who's the target audience here but I don't think it's for me HOWEVER, there are useful tidbits in here. Loosely, it's about reframing the narrative through word choice (example: "prepared parenthood" instead of "planned parenthood"), education of how common miscarriage and infertility are, and pushing back on anyone or anything with an ulterior motive (all those ads for baby gear, for example).
Of note,
1. If you've just miscarried and you're looking for reading materials, you may end up like me and have trouble getting through this book. This is not the book that understands what you're going through, validates you, comforts you... nope! This book is the stronger stuff that history is made of starting with how people's perception of pregnancies and miscarriages have changed over time and WHY that is.
2. The writing felt like an academic essay to me, which does make sense given the author's background. This is most visible at the closing of each chapter as it reminds me of my English teachers' instructions for how to close out the arguments and end the essay. Other than the chapter end and the book end, I felt that sometimes the author meandered a bit. I kept asking myself "what is happening here?" and "where are we going with this?"
3. [specific complaint] As someone who is older, had trouble getting pregnant and had miscarried, I will say that I don't find the advice of "test later, don't get emotionally attached" helpful in any way. I think that's fairly tone-deaf as it doesn't acknowledge the emotional state of someone going through less-than-optimal fertility.
Last but not least, my biggest gripe about this book is that I never did figure out who was the intended reader and how did I end up buying this book. I mean, I already believe that sex-ed in school would have been much better if it taught us about fertility, infertility, miscarriage, and the associated stats of each of these. That's a whole separate conversation unrelated to this book. I am sorry that this book showed up in the bookstore's website when I went looking for reading materials, and I'm even more sorry that of all the miscarriage and grief books I bought, I had chosen this one to read first. It may have been better if I had picked up a more comforting book first.
I give this 2 stars, rounded down from 2.5. I disliked the book so much that I had to take breaks in between reading it. It's worth a read in the right mindset, even if just to see from an academic (not day-to-day) perspective how we view pregnancies and miscarriages.
My star rating system:
1 star - imo can skip this one
2 stars - no need to skip
3 stars - I liked it
4 stars - I really liked it
5 stars - I liked it so much I bought a physical copy to keep on my shelves.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 10, 2025
This book is brilliant! It centers the voices of women past and present from diaries and blogs spanning from the 17th century to the 21st and examining the history of attitudes towards family planning, pregnancy and abortion and micarriage.
It looks at how until female contraception and the abortion debate it caused, there was little distinction between abortion and miscarriage. Women had many children relentlessly, knew they were pregnant only by the symptoms and were glad of a break between children. Thus early miscarriage was less traumatic, less noteworthy and only eventful if it reoccured in series. Women also didn’t ascribe life or a soul to their fetus until 4 months during the quickening, the first kicks from the fetus.
The book then turns to more recent history and how changes between now and the 60s created by technology like birthcontrol and ultrasound and cultural changes like women formally in the workforce, the older age of pregancies and the recent cultural expectation of immense joy at parenting have changed experiences of and expectations around pregnancy and miscarriage.
Overall this book was highly fascinating, blurred the line between the personal and the general and very much a must read!
In the beginning chapters I very much appreciated the distinction between the experiences of free women and enslaved women, which I have not come across before in a book not specifically about slavery. However, in the later parts of the book examining modern times I did feel there was an omission of discussion of race and how this fits in with experiences of pregnancy and loss.
It looks at how until female contraception and the abortion debate it caused, there was little distinction between abortion and miscarriage. Women had many children relentlessly, knew they were pregnant only by the symptoms and were glad of a break between children. Thus early miscarriage was less traumatic, less noteworthy and only eventful if it reoccured in series. Women also didn’t ascribe life or a soul to their fetus until 4 months during the quickening, the first kicks from the fetus.
The book then turns to more recent history and how changes between now and the 60s created by technology like birthcontrol and ultrasound and cultural changes like women formally in the workforce, the older age of pregancies and the recent cultural expectation of immense joy at parenting have changed experiences of and expectations around pregnancy and miscarriage.
Overall this book was highly fascinating, blurred the line between the personal and the general and very much a must read!
In the beginning chapters I very much appreciated the distinction between the experiences of free women and enslaved women, which I have not come across before in a book not specifically about slavery. However, in the later parts of the book examining modern times I did feel there was an omission of discussion of race and how this fits in with experiences of pregnancy and loss.
March 23, 2021
This book is full of essential information. The history of pregnancy during colonial and victorian times were not only extremely interesting, but way more relevant to understanding our views today than I expected. The modern day (1900s+) section is more wordy than it needs to be but still important. Understanding the history about how miscarriage/abortion, quickening, and conception effect us is fascinating, as is the dissection of how these views are often hurting women of all beliefs and backgrounds. There is also a dissection of the commoditization of pregnancy, through marketing, early pregnancy tests, public health messages and apps, and how these often overlook many very natural parts of the conception process (I.e. maybe It’s not best to detect your pregnancy as early as possible, or bond with your “baby” at 6 weeks, as 20% of detected pregnancies end in mostly unavoidable miscarriage). I wish all of my friends could have easy access to a summary of the information in this book!
March 16, 2021
Loved this! The early descriptions have really helped inform me on my political and philosophical views on abortion (which are later discussed). The later half of the book helped me understand the women in my life much much more by understanding the social pressures put upon them while they struggled with miscarriage. Very easy to read and I liked her material, feasible recommendations in the conclusion. The early chapters do go into how black, enslaved women faced pregnancy, but I wish there was a wider range of focus in the later half of the book, which I felt became a bit hegemonic, partly as a matter of topic and as a matter of trying to squeeze as much general info in as possible. Overall, a great read and I would really recommend it to those who are interested in politics surrounding fertility!
May 14, 2023
I found that the author clearly articulated a lot of research to demonstrate how the modern perception of pregnancy is quite limited and doesn't account for the very insignificant chance of miscarriage. I enjoyed reading about the evolution of how infants and children are socially valued and the role that marketing corporations play in the average modern pregnancy. I also found that the author did a good job of exploring how the emotional experience of pregnancy and miscarriage have evolved over the centuries and recent decades due in part to women learning that they are pregnant at the very early days of the gestational process.
I do wish that this book had better explored the racial and socioeconomic differences between experiences and experienced emotions but overall, it was an enjoyable read.
I do wish that this book had better explored the racial and socioeconomic differences between experiences and experienced emotions but overall, it was an enjoyable read.
September 30, 2020
Freidenfelds weaves together past and present interpretations and treatments of pregnancy, motherhood, and miscarriage. She does so not chronologically but in a seamless narrative. The book teaches us much about the way the 21st century "reveres" pregnancy and motherhood--mainly as a commercial venture--and about the modern emphasis on perfection in pregnancy as well as child rearing. An indispensable addition to the field.
February 13, 2024
It was super interesting even from a french POV. I didn't think I would learn so many things, to the point where it made me realize that I probably had a miscarriage myself. The parts about abortion were fascinating. Very recommended if the topics of pregnancy, miscarriage and/or abortion are of interest to you.
December 27, 2020
I purchased this book for work and it looked really interesting as I never thought of the history of this subject. Super informative and well researched. It was a slow read on my end, but the early history was probably the most interesting.
September 28, 2021
I found this book fascinating while also being heavy at times. The history of how perception and technology have shaped pregnancy and miscarriage was very interesting to me, in highlighting the interplay of emotions and medical need.
April 11, 2024
I had to read this for school but it was really eye opening on the history of not only abortion but miscarriage. I think every woman should read this book because it’s very empowering. A bit of a slow read.
June 28, 2020
I learned a lot reading this book. Wanted more explanations for some of her recommendations at the end, though.
November 15, 2020
Would recommend to every woman interested in having children one day. Wish I would have read this a long time ago.
November 19, 2020
Loved it! Rigorously researched but also accessible to read.
March 16, 2021
Excellent Read !!
Very thorough and knowledgeable. Really opens your eyes to the social constructs that contribute to how people react to pregnancy loss.
Very thorough and knowledgeable. Really opens your eyes to the social constructs that contribute to how people react to pregnancy loss.
September 2, 2025
Didn’t end up finishing - I got lost in the history and felt the title was a bit misleading.
December 3, 2025
Hugely impactful, interesting, and thought provoking.
September 19, 2022
As a mom who has lost a baby due to miscarriage, this book was oddly comforting and educational. I liked reading about motherhood in America over the years, and how science has created an atmosphere where loss is apparent even early on. I understand how for some readers this can minimize their loss, but for me, I felt it validated it due to our space in history today. This book is not for everyone, but if more information/a historical perspective helps you cope, I recommend this book and am so sorry for your loss.
January 19, 2026
A must read for anyone in the weeds of a fertility struggle. This book challenged much of my thinking about what it means to get and stay pregnant. I learned so much.
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