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Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse: Creating Healthy Christian Cultures
‘Every time he wanted me to do something, he would quote scripture... I couldn’t argue with scripture, it was like arguing with God.’
The term ‘spiritual abuse’ is widely used across the Christian community. But what is it?
Sometimes spiritual abuse involves leaders misusing their position, but ministers can also be the victims. Common factors include control through misuse of scripture, claims to divine authority, pressure to conform, and enforced accountability. Individuals may be isolated, and compelled to secrecy and silence.
Drawing on a combination of extensive research, individual testimonies, and years of hands-on experience, Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys describe clearly the nature of spiritual abuse, and the best ways of countering it. Recovery is possible.
But – how do we prevent spiritual abuse in the first place? What can leaders do to create safer places? Is there a link between theological ideas and harmful behaviours? How can leaders create opportunities for spiritual and emotional flourishing?
Dr Lisa Oakley has researched spiritual abuse in the Christian faith in the UK since 2003. Justin Humphreys is chief executive of the safeguarding charity thirtyone: eight.
The term ‘spiritual abuse’ is widely used across the Christian community. But what is it?
Sometimes spiritual abuse involves leaders misusing their position, but ministers can also be the victims. Common factors include control through misuse of scripture, claims to divine authority, pressure to conform, and enforced accountability. Individuals may be isolated, and compelled to secrecy and silence.
Drawing on a combination of extensive research, individual testimonies, and years of hands-on experience, Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys describe clearly the nature of spiritual abuse, and the best ways of countering it. Recovery is possible.
But – how do we prevent spiritual abuse in the first place? What can leaders do to create safer places? Is there a link between theological ideas and harmful behaviours? How can leaders create opportunities for spiritual and emotional flourishing?
Dr Lisa Oakley has researched spiritual abuse in the Christian faith in the UK since 2003. Justin Humphreys is chief executive of the safeguarding charity thirtyone: eight.
192 pages, Paperback
Published June 20, 2019
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
May 18, 2025
There was a lot I appreciated about the principled, wise approach the authors took in this book. It gave some helpful advice about how to recognize and prevent abuse in different contexts. And I particularly appreciated how the authors were aware of some of the pushback abuse advocates have received over the past five years and included responses to those concerns.
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May 10, 2022An important book for our time in history when there has been so many public church failures. It's time to face reality and talk about these failures and how the church can do better.
May 17, 2021
An incredibly important book.
Different chapters resonate with me from different times in my life. Right now, probably p33/34. Needless to say, the state of the church within an institutional context, is profoundly unhealthy, and can become a barrier between a congregation member’s faith, their community experience and their general mental health and well-being.
I’m a pastor’s son, so I’ve lived within this microcosm of a universe all my life. I loved my parents despite our theological and ecclesiological differences, and I don’t blame them for my involvement in church contexts.
This should be a wake-up call to all churches, whatever denomination, whether Socialist, Liberal or Conservative, that spiritually coercive practices are endemic, and the impact on congregations is more damaging than accountability processes offer.
This goes beyond the extreme criminal cases, which of course must face due process in the courtroom, it is much more about the convergence between the emotional, psychological and spiritual forms of abuse, where gaslighting is particularly common.
The status quo on church praxis is not okay. It is often a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The choices for many churches are: radical change or a slow burn decline. Many have chosen the latter. For the reputation of faith institutions, being mindful of how spiritual abuse is perpetuated and what can be done to resolve it, needs to take place. Will this take place in a meaningful way? Unlikely.
Different chapters resonate with me from different times in my life. Right now, probably p33/34. Needless to say, the state of the church within an institutional context, is profoundly unhealthy, and can become a barrier between a congregation member’s faith, their community experience and their general mental health and well-being.
I’m a pastor’s son, so I’ve lived within this microcosm of a universe all my life. I loved my parents despite our theological and ecclesiological differences, and I don’t blame them for my involvement in church contexts.
This should be a wake-up call to all churches, whatever denomination, whether Socialist, Liberal or Conservative, that spiritually coercive practices are endemic, and the impact on congregations is more damaging than accountability processes offer.
This goes beyond the extreme criminal cases, which of course must face due process in the courtroom, it is much more about the convergence between the emotional, psychological and spiritual forms of abuse, where gaslighting is particularly common.
The status quo on church praxis is not okay. It is often a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The choices for many churches are: radical change or a slow burn decline. Many have chosen the latter. For the reputation of faith institutions, being mindful of how spiritual abuse is perpetuated and what can be done to resolve it, needs to take place. Will this take place in a meaningful way? Unlikely.
July 1, 2021
To be clear, this is a really important topic and the church urgently needs someone to engage deeply with it, to grapple with the scriptures and produce a work that will diagnose spiritual abuse clearly and outline specifically how to build a healthy church culture. There have been far too many church abuses uncovered in recent history and a lack of proactivity when it comes to safeguarding.
This book is not the answer.
There are several crippling problems with this book:
-a shallow definition of spiritual abuse
-no real guidance on how to build a healthy culture
-a bizarre and unclear reliance on the maze metaphor
-poor editing resulting in lots of repetition and unclear sentences
-no serious interaction with biblical truth
-an odd use of quotations from survivor stories, a use that does not often correlate with the topic at hand
-a failure to carry out that which was outlined in the introduction
Reading this with a staff team, we were left with a striking sense of sadness that this book did not deliver as anticipated and that the authors had left the vast riches in the Bible on this topic untapped.
The foreword, however, from Mark Stibbe is excellent; I would be happy to see that published as a standalone article. It is clear and powerful; it persuaded me completely of the necessity to hold spiritual abuse in its own category. For that reason, the book gets 2 stars.
This book is not the answer.
There are several crippling problems with this book:
-a shallow definition of spiritual abuse
-no real guidance on how to build a healthy culture
-a bizarre and unclear reliance on the maze metaphor
-poor editing resulting in lots of repetition and unclear sentences
-no serious interaction with biblical truth
-an odd use of quotations from survivor stories, a use that does not often correlate with the topic at hand
-a failure to carry out that which was outlined in the introduction
Reading this with a staff team, we were left with a striking sense of sadness that this book did not deliver as anticipated and that the authors had left the vast riches in the Bible on this topic untapped.
The foreword, however, from Mark Stibbe is excellent; I would be happy to see that published as a standalone article. It is clear and powerful; it persuaded me completely of the necessity to hold spiritual abuse in its own category. For that reason, the book gets 2 stars.
July 23, 2020
A very helpful book. As a church board member it became apparent to me over a 20 month period we have a covert narcissist in our midst. Chapter 3 of this book gave clear indicators that spiritually abusive was at play and being used alongside gaslighting, triangulation, victim playing and outright deceit to create chaos, confusion and conflict. Prayer and fasting moved from occasional to weekly with sign up lists being used and significant pressure being put on members through repeated emails to "encourage" attendance. Claims of expertise of worship over 20 years were used to dominate the worship group style and new rules put in place which prohibited those that had been involved in leading worship for many years no longer being able to fully participate. Over 20 people stood down from roles, were asked to stand down from roles or left the church during his short tenure but as the board endeavored to handle the situation through an appraisal and formal complaint brought matters to a swift but unhappy conclusion. The focus of the introduction of quite brutal abuse can be off-putting to but this book should be read by all those involved in church leadership.
August 5, 2019
This is such an important topic! The reality of this kind of abuse is profound. The publication of this book by Oakley and Humphreys is highly commendable. They know of what they speak.
I give this book 3 stars for two important reasons.
First, the writing style is often disjointed or circuitous. When I look back at my underlining or notes, I sense the book could better be reduced by half.
Second, terms are a long time in coming, especially the term spiritual abuse! Not until page 31 is there a definition and not until page 64 are key characteristics provided. In fairness, the authors acknowledge this delay. Defining terms is problematic all the more so due to some people dismissing the appropriateness of the term spiritual abuse! The authors rightly acknowledge abuse wears many faces, so a one size fits all will be impossible. Still, all this makes reading the book frustrating!
Nevertheless, this book is a must read! Church leaders must work with this book because the topic is very real and important. The authors provide valuable references and point to other resources.
I give this book 3 stars for two important reasons.
First, the writing style is often disjointed or circuitous. When I look back at my underlining or notes, I sense the book could better be reduced by half.
Second, terms are a long time in coming, especially the term spiritual abuse! Not until page 31 is there a definition and not until page 64 are key characteristics provided. In fairness, the authors acknowledge this delay. Defining terms is problematic all the more so due to some people dismissing the appropriateness of the term spiritual abuse! The authors rightly acknowledge abuse wears many faces, so a one size fits all will be impossible. Still, all this makes reading the book frustrating!
Nevertheless, this book is a must read! Church leaders must work with this book because the topic is very real and important. The authors provide valuable references and point to other resources.
January 20, 2023
Required reading for Church of England safeguarding training (which is why I read it). It is an important book, setting out what we mean by spiritual abuse - similar to psychological abuse but with a faith dimension which can, of course, make it all the more manipulative - and then providing some keys to establishing a healthy church culture.
A small point would be that as the two authors divided the book in half, it would have made for less disrupted reading if they simply said at the beginning who the I stood for in each half rather than consistently speaking of I (Lisa) or I (Justin). The unanswered question (and this was not the purpose of the book) is that of whether spiritual abuse amongst leaders in the church mostly happens amongst men in conservative evangelical traditions. The big name abusers - the late John Smyth being the most obvious, but others are also well known - do indeed come from that constituency. If spiritual abuse also exists elsewhere in the church then does this look the same or are there subtle differences?
A small point would be that as the two authors divided the book in half, it would have made for less disrupted reading if they simply said at the beginning who the I stood for in each half rather than consistently speaking of I (Lisa) or I (Justin). The unanswered question (and this was not the purpose of the book) is that of whether spiritual abuse amongst leaders in the church mostly happens amongst men in conservative evangelical traditions. The big name abusers - the late John Smyth being the most obvious, but others are also well known - do indeed come from that constituency. If spiritual abuse also exists elsewhere in the church then does this look the same or are there subtle differences?
November 27, 2020
An essential book for people in church/Christian leadership - and many others besides. This is a helpful, accessible read on defining what spiritual abuse, the effect it has on people who experience and how it might be prevented. As someone who's been in church leadership for 20 years, it was deeply helpful to finally read some proper work on this that recognised what I have experienced several times from other church leaders and church members - for it to be named and understood. Extended therapy has been very healing for me, but it remains of prime importance that churches as a whole - and denominations - take this much more seriously and are more willing to act on it. This book also helped me see where I may have acted out of my own experiences of spiritual abuse in terms of my responses to others - also essential in order to break what can easily become a repeating pattern.
July 10, 2022
A hugely illuminating book. As the authors say the type of abuse can occur without people realizing it. It gets accepted because in some scenarios it does not rise to a level of criminality. But coercion using scripture and organizational authority that invokes God as being the source of a decision or the blessing of it leads people into obedience, and to feel they are lacking if they question it. Often the leaders are not malevolent just poorly trained and unsupervised. The consequences for those who suffer often come when they attempt to leave and the blame is laid squarely on them.
The most important lesson from this book for me is the call for transparency and oversight, and a recognition that yes, it can happen here.
I highly recommend this to anyone who attends or serves in a religious community.
The most important lesson from this book for me is the call for transparency and oversight, and a recognition that yes, it can happen here.
I highly recommend this to anyone who attends or serves in a religious community.
January 3, 2022
This is a breath of fresh air.
The fact that most of this book seemed like a wallflowers account of myself and my experiences gives me great hope. There is so much that can be said on spiritual abuse and this book provides an incredible starting point. The illustration of the maze is exactly how my mind has felt and the accounts from survivors provided further clarity that it is so very real.
If you have experienced spiritual abuse, I highly suggest this book. But if you are not sure and question if you have or are experiencing spiritual abuse - like something not boding well in your mind - this book is even more important a read.
Start the conversation. Don’t let the noise of silence drown out what your soul aches to disclose.
The fact that most of this book seemed like a wallflowers account of myself and my experiences gives me great hope. There is so much that can be said on spiritual abuse and this book provides an incredible starting point. The illustration of the maze is exactly how my mind has felt and the accounts from survivors provided further clarity that it is so very real.
If you have experienced spiritual abuse, I highly suggest this book. But if you are not sure and question if you have or are experiencing spiritual abuse - like something not boding well in your mind - this book is even more important a read.
Start the conversation. Don’t let the noise of silence drown out what your soul aches to disclose.
December 31, 2022
Spiritual abuse is a relatively new field of research, but not a new phenomenon. Drawing on their own research and that of others, Oakley and Humphries do an excellent job of describing what spiritual abuse looks and feels like. If you’ve been through it, this book will help you understand your experience. If you are in a position of leadership at a church or Christian organization, this book will help you protect against it and respond well when it does happen.
However, the book focuses on recognizing and understanding spiritual abuse, rather than healing from it or changing an organization. This is understandable, given that their research is focused on the former rather than the latter. But for what it it, it is an excellent resource, one that every church leader should read.
However, the book focuses on recognizing and understanding spiritual abuse, rather than healing from it or changing an organization. This is understandable, given that their research is focused on the former rather than the latter. But for what it it, it is an excellent resource, one that every church leader should read.
July 28, 2019
I was fortunate enough to be able to read this book prior to its formal publication - it genuinely seeks to start to address the issue of Spiritual Abuse rather than debating its nomenclature.
It’s a book which would be of great benefit to church leaders interested in looking critically & honestly how they & their church or other faith setting operates - seeking to eradicate the controlling, then coercive & ultimately criminal behaviour of some.
Time to pause for thought before, perhaps unintentionally, slipping down the slope of emotional and/or psychological abuse in a faith/religious setting.
It’s a book which would be of great benefit to church leaders interested in looking critically & honestly how they & their church or other faith setting operates - seeking to eradicate the controlling, then coercive & ultimately criminal behaviour of some.
Time to pause for thought before, perhaps unintentionally, slipping down the slope of emotional and/or psychological abuse in a faith/religious setting.
December 24, 2024
A much needed book
This is a topic which needs more material written about it and should be required reading for any going into a leadership role in a church. We do not lose innocence by losing ignorance (to paraphrase a quote from CTBI). I think the maze analogy, while good, was slightly overworked and made the conclusion a bit more difficult to navigate (ironically) but overall the book gave some good thought-provoking material which has prompted me to examine my own professional setting in the light of it.
This is a topic which needs more material written about it and should be required reading for any going into a leadership role in a church. We do not lose innocence by losing ignorance (to paraphrase a quote from CTBI). I think the maze analogy, while good, was slightly overworked and made the conclusion a bit more difficult to navigate (ironically) but overall the book gave some good thought-provoking material which has prompted me to examine my own professional setting in the light of it.
July 16, 2023
Helpful
Very helpful in helping me to recognize that what I was experiencing was not my own confusing thoughts - but spiritual abuse. Don't feel dear about picking up the book and reading it. You will not lose innocence - only ignorance. The book gives good perspective on what healthy culture looks like. I almost feel supported by this book. Just remember - there are people that you can turn to, outside of your current context, who love you!
Very helpful in helping me to recognize that what I was experiencing was not my own confusing thoughts - but spiritual abuse. Don't feel dear about picking up the book and reading it. You will not lose innocence - only ignorance. The book gives good perspective on what healthy culture looks like. I almost feel supported by this book. Just remember - there are people that you can turn to, outside of your current context, who love you!
December 3, 2025
This book is a maze to escape
Reading this book was akin to the title. I felt as though I was attempting to escape it, as I was making no progress. The text consistently referenced itself, and it was a book about the book while simultaneously discussing the book. It was barely enlightening and an arduous read. Regrettably, this is one of the most poorly written books I have ever encountered. I have not read a book this awful in a considerable amount of time.
Reading this book was akin to the title. I felt as though I was attempting to escape it, as I was making no progress. The text consistently referenced itself, and it was a book about the book while simultaneously discussing the book. It was barely enlightening and an arduous read. Regrettably, this is one of the most poorly written books I have ever encountered. I have not read a book this awful in a considerable amount of time.
October 18, 2023
A detailed and thorough journey through the topic of spiritual abuse and how the church and leaders in church can be safe, healthier spaces. This book does leave a lot of the practical work in the hands of the reader, and is more academic than guidebook but does not lack in resources, instruction and pastoral insight!
January 2, 2024
The authors offered great insight into the impact of spiritual abuse and shared how to overcome destructive habits to create a healthy church culture. This is based in the UK, but it's something that's happening in the US, Australia and Canada. I really liked that it was research based and shared personal stories of people who had been spiritually abused. It gave their work more credibility.
February 3, 2024
Good detail, clear explanation, deeply saddening stories. The flow of the book is helpful and the depth is evident from the level of primary research referenced.
I don’t know if I agree with their conclusions on the definition. I absolutely agree with their helpful work on developing healthy cultures and believe it is essential for our moment.
I don’t know if I agree with their conclusions on the definition. I absolutely agree with their helpful work on developing healthy cultures and believe it is essential for our moment.
March 26, 2020
Very helpful. I found it was full of research and stories that highlighted what spiritual abuse is, ways to spot it and how to make healthy church cultures. It's sobering to read at times but a must read for those who are in/have been in this maze.
January 17, 2022
A must read for anyone. For those that have gone through spiritual abuse this book will give words and definition to things you may have experienced/are experiences and/or feel/think.
It will also help others understand better what many have gone through without dismissing it.
It will also help others understand better what many have gone through without dismissing it.
March 3, 2022
A poorly formed maze
Spiritual abuse is a very important topic with much confusion about what it is, how to confront, and how to safeguard. This book is poorly written and repetitive. It is a maze to get through.
Spiritual abuse is a very important topic with much confusion about what it is, how to confront, and how to safeguard. This book is poorly written and repetitive. It is a maze to get through.
December 27, 2019
A difficult subject and required perseverance to finish the book. I am wiser as a result and have a better understanding of recent experiences and events.
January 2, 2021
I choose to read this whilst preparing for my safeguarding leader course at church. Was very accessible, informative and helpful.
September 22, 2022
Important topic, worth reading. Valuable insights. Needed better editing - some bits were unclear or repetitive. Chapters 3-5 were where I got most benefit.
July 14, 2024
Good but I wish they had used they instead of him or her.
February 7, 2025
An essential resource for anyone committed to understanding abuse and, more crucially, ensuring that it never happens again. Relevant to the current climate of emerging allegations in the church.
July 1, 2025
Really good book to explore what Spiritual Abuse is. As it is hard to define, there is not quite a conclusion, but the book does well in looking at aspects of spiritual abuse.
September 19, 2019
This is a data based, very informative work regarding spiritual abuse in churches, particularly churches in England. The authors not only provide an extensive academic discussion of their topic, they also bring years of experience and membership in the church, and one of them is a pastor. I found it fascinating to consider the issue of spiritual abuse through the lens of the British culture, supposed to my own America, culture. For example, the churches of England, at least as I have read this book, appear to have a more formal, connectedness about them. However, the churches of the United States are mostly small, have a deep commitment to preserving their individuality and independence from outside an accountability. This individuality and insistence on autonomy has resulted in much innovation, creativity, and member engagement in the ministry of the church, however it is also created already environment for abusers to create entire church systems of abuse and pain. The results are the same in both countries, damaged people, but I found it fascinating to consider the new ones that are probably at work in distant contexts.
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December 31, 2022Important topic but not a good read unfortunately. Lots of repetition and waffle and I feel like the book could be half the size. Also, no mention of any cultural aspects which would further exacerbate shame/secrecy around spiritual abuse.
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