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Dessert First: Preparing for Death While Savoring Life
In the year she served as a chaplain in a hospital "death ward," Dana Trent accompanied more than 200 people -- and their families -- on their passage from life to death. Dessert First gathers those stories and lessons, as well as others from her journey with her dying mom, to illuminate the complexity of death and grief, and how we all might better prepare for a "good death." Dessert First is a deeply personal, touching, and sometimes humorous look at death and dying, and the ways we cope and create meaning for the inevitable end of life. A full appendix includes religious, spiritual, practical, and legal resources for the reader and their loved ones.
- GenresMemoirDeathNonfiction
160 pages, Paperback
Published September 10, 2019
16 people are currently reading
173 people want to read
About the author
J. Dana Trent
11 books124 followersJ. Dana Trent is a speaker, professor, award-winning spirituality author, and minister. A graduate of Duke Divinity School, she teaches world religions and critical thinking at Wake Technical Community College in Raleigh, North Carolina.
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
October 2, 2019
When I finished reading Dessert First by J. Dana Trent my initial reaction was to be inspired to die.....wait, what?! Inspired to die?! I felt so silly saying that outloud. Upon further reflection I have realized that what I really felt was empowered to die! After reading this book, death no longer has such a hold of fear over me. I feel like, if I get my ducks in a row now, I can actually effect the hours, days, weeks, and months after my death so my loved ones can focus on grief and ultimately celebration, instead of being bogged down in logistics. I have also been able to open up the conversation with my own parents and give them the power of control over their circumstances (obviously this is to an extent and none of us have the crystal ball of exactly when and how our passage from this life will happen.) I have given this book to a friend with cancer and urged her to share it with her daughter. I am also planning on sending out several copies to friends who are dealing with aging parents. Thank you, Dana, for giving us something real and raw.....oh and did I mention FUNNY?!?!.....on a topic that is so often avoided.
August 10, 2019
Never morbid, always insightful, and often very funny, J. Dana Trent has written a helpful how-to-die-with-grace book, drawing on her experiences in losing her beloved mother as well as working as a hospital chaplain. She's an expert who's not stuffy or pious and she never lets the existential weight of her subject matter weigh her down. Instead she warmly draws the reader in, as if you were sitting down with her over a cup of coffee talking about life and death. While her practical advice relating to end-of-life issues is useful, my favorite parts of the book are her quirky metaphors and vivid stories. A helpful and inspiring read!
February 15, 2020
This was an interesting approach to dealing with death--as a way to help us each to prioritize the living part of our lives. The metaphor of "dessert first" really works--what is it we love about our life and how will recognizing that we will die help us to put "the best parts first"?
September 9, 2019
Dessert First
Preparing for Death While Savoring Life
J. Dana Trent
Chalice Press, Sep 10, 2019,
160 pages
Memoir, Faith related, End of life
Provided by Edelweiss
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
The cover is so pretty that you don’t expect this book to be about anything scary. But people are afraid of dying for the most part, so this book is all about scary stuff. J. Dana Trent, the author, is a graduate of Duke Divinity School, a professor on religious subjects at Wake Tech Community College, an ordained Baptist minister, former hospital chaplain, and married to a Hindu monk. She is also an award-winning author. Her style is conversational and casual even when discussing specific religious subjects. However, what this book is mainly about is preparing yourself and your loved ones for death and what follows.
Rev. Trent uses personal examples for much of her story, thus the classification as a memoir. She relates how it was to be a newly-minted minister and assigned as a hospital chaplain, working in the ER and IC units with terminally ill patients. She dealt with over 200 people to assist them through this crucial time, end of life and what comes after. Not just dealing with patients who were dying, but dealing with the bereaved families during the process and afterward.
What comes after, you might say. Well, it’s not just grieving. Anyone who has had someone close die understands that there is much that comes after, even when you are not actively grieving. There is the physical toll grieving takes, yes. But with or without a will, there is much to be done. It’s called the estate. As we live our daily lives, paying our bills, saving our money, investing our money, accessing our computers, making purchases, we don’t think about what those left behind must deal with to settle up the things we have. Have you written a will? If you own anything, you should have a will. If you have children, you should have a will. And what about a health-care proxy? Have you chosen one and discussed your end-of-life wishes with her? Do you have a DNR on file with your doctors? Are you an organ donor?
The author uses personal and other events to show us how others have had to deal with things involving end-of-life commitments. She uses her own mother’s dying and death to show us in detail how it can work when you are committed to someone who is dying, but still competent to deal with these issues. She talks about the emotional aspects, but she also covers the legal and various other types of paperwork required to accompany someone through this process.
The back of the book contains loads of information about legal, spiritual, and everyday sources of help available to us as we deal with this time of life either from the dying aspect or tying up the loose ends after the fact for someone we loved.
Yes, the author addresses religion, but as a minister, what else would you expect? However, consider the fact that she is married to a Hindu monk, and you start to understand that she is not pushing religion here. She is pushing support and assistance, and lots of common sense that we really need at a time when sometimes we can’t even think. I recently lost my stepfather to a long-term illness. So this book has appeared at a time in my life when I was especially open to such a book. Having read it though, I realize that this information is something that we need to be addressing before that time. And Rev. Trent totally encourages us to do so. I highly recommend this book to anyone who owns anything, has children, or is involved with older or ill loved ones. This book is a guiding light for that end-of-life situation to help you deal with situations you’ve never faced before.
Preparing for Death While Savoring Life
J. Dana Trent
Chalice Press, Sep 10, 2019,
160 pages
Memoir, Faith related, End of life
Provided by Edelweiss
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
The cover is so pretty that you don’t expect this book to be about anything scary. But people are afraid of dying for the most part, so this book is all about scary stuff. J. Dana Trent, the author, is a graduate of Duke Divinity School, a professor on religious subjects at Wake Tech Community College, an ordained Baptist minister, former hospital chaplain, and married to a Hindu monk. She is also an award-winning author. Her style is conversational and casual even when discussing specific religious subjects. However, what this book is mainly about is preparing yourself and your loved ones for death and what follows.
Rev. Trent uses personal examples for much of her story, thus the classification as a memoir. She relates how it was to be a newly-minted minister and assigned as a hospital chaplain, working in the ER and IC units with terminally ill patients. She dealt with over 200 people to assist them through this crucial time, end of life and what comes after. Not just dealing with patients who were dying, but dealing with the bereaved families during the process and afterward.
What comes after, you might say. Well, it’s not just grieving. Anyone who has had someone close die understands that there is much that comes after, even when you are not actively grieving. There is the physical toll grieving takes, yes. But with or without a will, there is much to be done. It’s called the estate. As we live our daily lives, paying our bills, saving our money, investing our money, accessing our computers, making purchases, we don’t think about what those left behind must deal with to settle up the things we have. Have you written a will? If you own anything, you should have a will. If you have children, you should have a will. And what about a health-care proxy? Have you chosen one and discussed your end-of-life wishes with her? Do you have a DNR on file with your doctors? Are you an organ donor?
The author uses personal and other events to show us how others have had to deal with things involving end-of-life commitments. She uses her own mother’s dying and death to show us in detail how it can work when you are committed to someone who is dying, but still competent to deal with these issues. She talks about the emotional aspects, but she also covers the legal and various other types of paperwork required to accompany someone through this process.
The back of the book contains loads of information about legal, spiritual, and everyday sources of help available to us as we deal with this time of life either from the dying aspect or tying up the loose ends after the fact for someone we loved.
Yes, the author addresses religion, but as a minister, what else would you expect? However, consider the fact that she is married to a Hindu monk, and you start to understand that she is not pushing religion here. She is pushing support and assistance, and lots of common sense that we really need at a time when sometimes we can’t even think. I recently lost my stepfather to a long-term illness. So this book has appeared at a time in my life when I was especially open to such a book. Having read it though, I realize that this information is something that we need to be addressing before that time. And Rev. Trent totally encourages us to do so. I highly recommend this book to anyone who owns anything, has children, or is involved with older or ill loved ones. This book is a guiding light for that end-of-life situation to help you deal with situations you’ve never faced before.
September 16, 2019
Reread this book after official release...heartfelt and honest, funny and authentic.
March 7, 2020
This book is classified/cataloged primarily with the subject field "Christian", which is a misnomer and very misleading.
It's a book about grief. GRIEF.
Which is fine. Just don't pick it up thinking it's a Christian book. It's not. It's a book about grief.
It's a book about grief. GRIEF.
Which is fine. Just don't pick it up thinking it's a Christian book. It's not. It's a book about grief.
September 19, 2019
Funny, poignant, sad, happy--wonderful read on "preparing for death while savoring life". While taking us through all the challenges she and her family faced while her mother was dying, Trent did a phenomenal job of talking about something no one wants to--death and how to be ready for it. No one knows the exact date of their death but being prepared for it truly does make life a bit easier. My parents did the same thing Trent's mother did--talked and planned and shared and laughed and loved. It was awful when my dad died but it was easier, too, because we (my siblings and I) knew exactly how he wanted to die. And if you can laugh through some the preparations, I guarantee it's easier. I still miss my dad--and will every day--but I know, in my heart, that he died exactly how he lived.
September 13, 2019
This is not a topic we talk about often enough. In the way only J. Dana Trent can do, she managed to make this conversation enjoyable! Full of personal stories, tangible resources, and thought-provoking insight Dessert First opened up death to me in a way I never knew it could be opened up. I highly suggest this book no matter what stage of life you are in and think it would be a fantastic read to keep on the home shelf, pastors office, and especially for those working in hospice care or care of terminally ill people.
I was grateful to have received a digital Advanced Reader Copy to share my honest opinions with you.
I was grateful to have received a digital Advanced Reader Copy to share my honest opinions with you.
August 31, 2019
No one likes to talk about death and grief until death happens, and then we have no choice to but to be surrounded by grief. And as much as we long for a road map, it’s something we have to figure out ourselves.
Enter Dana Trent’s new book with her own journey, questions, and wisdom from her own journey. Touching, at times funny, and with practical tips for incorporating rituals into your grief, this is a great addition to your bookshelf.
(I was provided with a pre-release copy of this book but my opinions are my own).
Enter Dana Trent’s new book with her own journey, questions, and wisdom from her own journey. Touching, at times funny, and with practical tips for incorporating rituals into your grief, this is a great addition to your bookshelf.
(I was provided with a pre-release copy of this book but my opinions are my own).
October 2, 2019
This book encourages everyone to prepare for death the same way we prepare for life and shares how we can honor our loved ones in this process. As a pastor, this has been a very helpful book for me, both in resounding with Dana's experience as a chaplain, and caring for people at the end of their lives. This would be a great book for churches to do as a book study and I find myself handing it out to all the caregivers I know. Thank you Dana for your honesty, humor, and most of all your ability to find hope and even joy in the midst of grief.
October 4, 2019
My father passed away just over a year and a half ago. When all treatment options had been exhausted and it was time for hospice, he told the hospice nurse that he wanted to have a "joyful death." He taught me and all of us who loved him how important it was not only to live well, but to die well.
Dessert First is a tremendous resource to help us have a "joyful death" as well as have a joyful life - to live well and to die well. Her writing is funny, frank, raw and profound. What a gift! Thank you, Dana Trent, for your honesty and warm invitation into a difficult conversation.
Dessert First is a tremendous resource to help us have a "joyful death" as well as have a joyful life - to live well and to die well. Her writing is funny, frank, raw and profound. What a gift! Thank you, Dana Trent, for your honesty and warm invitation into a difficult conversation.
August 9, 2019
In my grandparents' day, death usually occurred at home and wasn't mysterious. With the advent of modern medicine, that is less likely to happen and death has taken on the air of mystery. This book is a frank and personal account of dealing with death as a natural part of life. You would think it would be morbid but there are actually parts where I laughed out loud. I highly recommend this book.
August 24, 2019
J. Dana Trent takes the reader on her personal journey of learning about death. Her life experience as a chaplain and the loss of her parents and father in law have all helped to mold her positive and practical outlook on death. This book is great for all readers, because inevitably, we all die. We might as well quit dancing around this delicate subject and face it head on, as J. Dana Trent leads with way.
September 11, 2019
J. Dana Trent has some experience with death. In her latest book, Dessert First: Preparing for Death while Savoring Life, she draws on the deeply personal as well as her strong professional association as a hospital chaplain with mapping that passageway that leads from this life to whatever comes next. The book, then, turns into a companion that offers with authority its recommendations for conversations, paperwork, and the after-work of grief; but as one that sits beside the reader, a friend in the hard places, and even a co-conspirator in the whispered graveyard giggles.
While I am a sucker for stories, I recognize that the usefulness of this book for many in ministry, in families, in communities full of humans who are all going to die will be the practical considerations woven through the narratives, and pulled out into a helpful guide at the end. From conversation starters to theological considerations across religious traditions (Dana herself is a Baptist minister, married to a devout Hindu), legal considerations to funeral reading suggestions, as ever, the author is a mine of information, advice, and sound research.
We’re all going to die. And it’s going to be alright.
While I am a sucker for stories, I recognize that the usefulness of this book for many in ministry, in families, in communities full of humans who are all going to die will be the practical considerations woven through the narratives, and pulled out into a helpful guide at the end. From conversation starters to theological considerations across religious traditions (Dana herself is a Baptist minister, married to a devout Hindu), legal considerations to funeral reading suggestions, as ever, the author is a mine of information, advice, and sound research.
We’re all going to die. And it’s going to be alright.
September 11, 2019
A refreshing look at making our way through life as grief and death grows in our journey. Using both wit and helpful experiences, Trent makes our lives more bearable as we deal with grief. This book, like her other books, are user friendly and teachable for small groups, retreats, as well as individuals.
October 1, 2019
If you are looking for a wise guide to help you think about death in ways that are helpful (and probably haven’t heard before). A perfect blend of memoir and inspirational teaching— this book will make cry, laugh and think. I can’t wait to share with more friends! You’ll be left with a desire to live your life to the fullest all over again.
October 28, 2020
This book is similar to Confessions of a Funeral Director and Being Mortal in that it encourages the living to accept the fact we are all going to die. Apparently we Americans are very bad at accepting that reality. Also reminds me of one of my favorite Jimmy Buffett lyrics, "I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead."
September 10, 2019
Every single one of us will face death and its effects on us as we continue living here and having had to say goodbye. Why not be able to do it with grace and mercy. This book gives you tangible information to handle the tuff stuff of grief!!
July 9, 2021
This book was a fairly easy read about a very difficult subject. I appreciated her candor and humor. We are dealing with aging parents right now and as a young 53 year old, I am getting serious about getting my final wishes ready for my family so they don't have to struggle while grieving.
September 17, 2019
Part memoir, part rich resource this book beautifully addresses the nitty gritty and the sacred aspects (perhaps often not separable) of death. Deeply affecting.
March 24, 2020
“Grief never goes away, I realized. It just changes shape”
October 21, 2020
An excellent quick read by a chaplain who has experienced deaths in many ways—it’s also funny!
January 3, 2021
A candid, practical (and sometimes humorous) manual to embracing life and death.
September 23, 2019
J. Dana Trent so beautifully reminds us that we are all terminal, and the same love that brings us joy in life can and will bring us ineffable sadness when we lose a loved one. Her lucid exploration of the many facets of grief binds her soul-to-soul with anyone who has ever lost a loved one. But this luminous work also offers practical advice (as promised in the title) for "Preparing for Death While Savoring Life." The writing is warm, wise, witty, brimming with respect and restraint, wrapped in layer upon layer of grace.
September 23, 2019
One of the best books I've read about preparing for end of life. Lots of practical resources and conversation starters. The author shares her personal grief and professional experience in a wonderful combination.
December 27, 2020
What a great practical book on dealing with death and continuing to live after you lose
Someone you love. Highly recommend it to anyone.
Well Written!
Received an advanced copy and this is my own opinion.
Someone you love. Highly recommend it to anyone.
Well Written!
Received an advanced copy and this is my own opinion.
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews