The Distance Between: A Memoir

American Lives

by Timothy J. Hillegonds

At eighteen years old, with no high school diploma, a growing rap sheet, and a failed relationship with his estranged father, Timothy J. Hillegonds took a one-way flight from Chicago to Colorado in hopes of leaving his mounting rage and frustration behind. His plan was simple: snowboard, hang out, live an uncomplicated life.

The Distance Between chronicles how Hillegonds’s plan went awry after he immediately jumped head first into a turbulent relationship with April, a Denny’s coworker and single mother. At once passionate and volatile, their relationship was fueled by vodka, crystal methamphetamine, and poverty—and it sometimes became violent. Mere months after moving to the mountains, when the stakes felt like they couldn’t be higher, Hillegonds learned April was pregnant with his child.

More than just a harrowing story of addiction and abuse or a simple mea culpa, The Distance Between is a finely wrought exploration of, and reckoning with, absent fathers, fatherhood, violence, adolescent rage, white male privilege, and Hillegonds’s own toxic masculinity. With nuance and urgency, The Distance Between takes readers through the grit of life on the margins while grappling with the problematic nature of one man’s existence.

 

Genres: Memoir

280 pages, Paperback

Published October 1, 2019

Reviews

[A.Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full disclosure: I know the author and had read his earlier essays about the period of his life covered in this book. With that in mind, however, I can say that his memoir has come a long way in telling this part of his story.

Tim delivers keen insight into what held him back or pushed him forward in choices and relationships in a way that keeps you imbedded in the narrative, instead of leaving you feeling like “future” Tim is leaning over your shoulder, which I feel is hard to do in memoirs/stories involving addiction and regret. Even if you can’t relate to Tim’s decisions or circumstances, I think you’ll still find this an enjoyable read, if for no other reason than everyone has experienced their own stubborn denial and the work that must go in to righting wrongs, no matter how large or small.

[Tony · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's seldom that I wince as I read a book, or when I see so many mental images that don't provoke fear, or anger, but just sadness. The Distance Between is a cross stitch of poor decision-making, illogical life choices and self-destructive behavior.
But bit by bit, moment by moment, the track ahead of him starts to straighten, and the consequences of his alcohol abuse and his selfish choices begin to funnel him towards real clarity and honest self-examination. That's the reason I kept reading; not because of the chronic (and occasionally hilarious) screw ups, but the tiny victories that accumulate and push Hillegonds onto the path of sobriety, self-respect, and becoming a loving father.
It's told clearly, unflinchingly, and with heartbreaking honesty. It felt like a late night conversation at a corner diner, with laughs, some secrets, and a few tears.

[Katie Fruhauff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Raw and honest memoir

It is so refreshing to hear a man take open responsibility for his harmful actions. Mr. Hillegonds lays out his path to addiction and dysfunctional relationships in an open and engaging tone, allowing the reader insights into the thoughts of a person deep in their addiction, while also offering the understanding that comes from doing the work of recovery and sobriety.
Recommended for anyone who wants to understand addiction or to have hope that someone can change.
Tim, thanks for your vulnerability in sharing this piece of your life.

[CR · Rating 4 out of 5]

Coming of age for one boy searching looking for who he is. Weeding through his childhood of violence and addiction this story will rip out your heart. If this author ever decides to do normal stories vs. memoirs they will most likely be best sellers in no time. This author has a way to bring you into the story and then devastating you. This book was insightful and very gripping and I could not put it down. This is one title that you will be thinking about it long after you finish.

[Jeff Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really great read. I was blown away by the humility and raw honesty of the author as I read this book about a late teenager/early 20s young man struggling with addiction and his inner demons. There were times when I was reading a particular section and was truly "on edge" about how the scenario was going to play out. I had a hard time putting this book done and very much look forward to whatever comes next from him.

[Troy · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Distance Between pulled me in from its first description of inline skating stunts near Navy Pier and kept me captivated through the journey to Colorado that explores addiction, early fatherhood, and what it means to “be a man.” If you are looking for a memoir to add to your reading list, The Distance Between is a great choice. I’m looking forward to reading what Tim publishes next!

[rube · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read many books over the years about addiction, recovery and regret. The Distance Between Us may be the most powerful, vividly drawn and painfully honest of any of them. I couldn't put the book down and finished it with tears in my eyes. This can't have been an easy book to write but I am grateful that Timothy Hillegonds did. Tremendous.

[Ann Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is is a page turner. Tim has a remarkable story about addiction, violence and early marriage and turning himself around. His storytelling is beautiful, honest and stirring.

[Lara Lillibridge]

A wonderful exploration of toxic masculinity and addiction, written thoughtfully and with nuance. A great addition to the ongoing conversation.

[Tyler Poon · Rating 3 out of 5]

got it at a book sale on campus, decent memoir, and relatively honest as far as memoirs go