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240 pages, Paperback
First published July 10, 2018
Crazy Jack Price.
There's a line I've always joked about in my head. Standing on top of a bar with a broken bottle like fucking old skool is what:
MY NAME'S JACK. YOU DO WHAT I SAY, OR I'M THE PRICE YOU PAY!
I have a name. I have a name and a thin hard face with purple bootprints on it. I have thin lips split in three places and when I smile the teeth are like a quilt or maybe like geology. I have brown bedroom eyes that are swollen half shut, and my nose, my goddam nose, now is like a little bit of history repeating, like I should let my hair grow in Saigon and lose my job on the twenty-second floor and make a bad investment on a horse called Crossroad Guitar. Screw heredity and screw history and most of all screw you I have opinions. I have views. I am going to sit in the share chair and tell you a story.
Wall Street money is pirate money, loud and stupid and drunk, gets mugged in an alleyway and wakes up in the navy. My money is ninja money, strikes from the darkness, appears and disappears. Where do you keep your money Jack? Stuxnet baby. I keep my money in a digitally mobile distributed illegal wallet construct part-created by the NSA and stolen by @LuciferousYestergirl who is either a German anarchist or a Japanese-Nordic postdoc. When I want cash I push buttons and there is cash in a briefcase because I pay for it to happen. No one in the chain knows what they're handling or where it is going, just like my coke. The whole thing happens because water flows downhill. It happens the way an egg comes out of a chicken's vajayjay.
Well that image is gonna stay with me.

Someone is dead in my building. Someone is dead in my building right under my apartment. Someone is dead in my building right under my apartment in such a way that there are all the cops in the universe plus also Leo and that means they got dead violently and with malice in my building right under my apartment and you just have to take notice of that kind of happening. Cops look at me. I look at cops. I do not rubberneck. I wait to go ping bye bye. (6)But all of this works. It gives the text the feel of rapid forward motion, racing ahead too quickly for punctuation. It also feels like the transcript of a stand-up comedian. Try reading it out loud, and you'll find yourself calibrating pauses and emphases.
Seven Demons. That’s hilarious. That would be ideal, utterly gratuitous. It’s like you see a mouse in your kitchen so you napalm your entire house and then you release a thousand hungry pythons into the ash. (61)Situations go sideways hilariously, like the confrontation with a dour security guard, both in terms of his film theory background and Price's gustatory response, or the argument over which movies should source criminal pseudonyms.
So that’s how we are together in this critical moment, this crisis moment. We make jokes and we know that we’re crossing the Rubicon and what lies before will be different from what is past. We are brothers.
We hug. And then I shoot him in the face. Small caliber goes phht and one of his eyes goes red and that’s it. Sorry not sorry. (74).
He’s got a voice like the Swedish Chef if the Swedish Chef had had his throat cut one time by murder clowns.(214).
but you know what they say: when God closes a door he opens an electrosexed unethical medical-experimenting international murder queen window. (210))
“I am Uber for illegal drugs. I have everyone from executives in Beemers to old codgers with Z frames running cocaine for me.”
“What you have here is basically indestructible: an idea of a gang of seven that restores its losses and never stops. It is defined by a complete lack of compunction, by being more fucking terrifying than the gold standard of contemporary fucking terrifyingness.”