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Miss You Love You Hate You Bye
Zoe and Hank (short for Hannah) have been inseparable since they met in elementary school. The leader of the pack, Zoe is effortlessly popular while Hank hides comfortably in her shadow. But when Zoe's parents unexpectedly divorce, Zoe's perfect facade starts cracking little by little. Sinking under the weight of her broken family, Zoe develops an eating disorder. Now she must rely on Hank for help.
Hank struggles to help Zoe; after all, she is used to agreeing, not leading. How can she help her best friend get better before it's too late?
Written partially in letters from Zoe and mostly in narrative from Hank's perspective, Miss You Love You Hate You Bye is a poignant and eye-opening novel about friendship, mental health, and learning to put yourself first.
Hank struggles to help Zoe; after all, she is used to agreeing, not leading. How can she help her best friend get better before it's too late?
Written partially in letters from Zoe and mostly in narrative from Hank's perspective, Miss You Love You Hate You Bye is a poignant and eye-opening novel about friendship, mental health, and learning to put yourself first.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published February 18, 2020
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1932 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 66 reviews
May 18, 2021
The main takeaway I have from this book is that it inspired me to unhaul some of the unrequested ARCs that I haven't read yet.
I had such an unpleasant time forcing myself through this that it genuinely made me feel like the fairer thing for the publisher, the author, and above all and most importantly ME was to not read some of these at all.
Because I knew I wouldn't like this, and I read it, and I didn't like it. What did any of us gain from that?!
This book is about a toxic and obsessive best friendship. One of the friends, unrelatedly, struggles with mental illness and disordered eating. The toxicity and obsessiveness of said friendship is inexplicably largely pinned on that and ignored by the end of the book.
There's also a weird sexual / harassy element to said friendship that is never really addressed.
It's icky and it made me feel icky and now here we are, all icky with nothing to show for it.
So...no more ARCs I don't think I'll like.
Bottom line: Ick!
Thanks to the publisher for the ARC. Sorry it had to be this way.
I had such an unpleasant time forcing myself through this that it genuinely made me feel like the fairer thing for the publisher, the author, and above all and most importantly ME was to not read some of these at all.
Because I knew I wouldn't like this, and I read it, and I didn't like it. What did any of us gain from that?!
This book is about a toxic and obsessive best friendship. One of the friends, unrelatedly, struggles with mental illness and disordered eating. The toxicity and obsessiveness of said friendship is inexplicably largely pinned on that and ignored by the end of the book.
There's also a weird sexual / harassy element to said friendship that is never really addressed.
It's icky and it made me feel icky and now here we are, all icky with nothing to show for it.
So...no more ARCs I don't think I'll like.
Bottom line: Ick!
Thanks to the publisher for the ARC. Sorry it had to be this way.
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January 16, 2020Someone flag my review of this book because I didn’t write much of a review. I apologize to inconvenience you. Please see below for my honest opinions. I can’t give a star rating for this book because it’s just not my kind of read.
I started reading Miss You, Love You, Hate You, Bye on 11/9/2019 and DNF because I figured out what the ending will be and I don't feel interested in reading it anymore. I do like that it's fast paced. I also like how well it's written in terms of the voices of both characters being young. The writing is upbeat and has humor. Platonic friendship is okay to read but I guess I always liked a bit of romance underneath in a story because the read will be more cuter.
A letter to Hank is the alternating view, told in the first person, in the future, saying that it's Hank's fault this person is now locked up in the loony bin. Hank for Hannah, in the present, telling readers about her tight friendship with Zoe. They have been inseparable since they were wee baby. Often times Hank wants to be Zoe's twin and will do absolutely everything Zoe asked of her. Then it all changes after a summer break in high school, the only summer they don't spend time together. Zoe came home with a cat and the scratches on her body are blamed at the cat. But Hank noticed the difference and started questioning.
Miss You, Love You, Hate You, Bye is a story of friendship.
xoxo, Jasmine at www.howusefulitis.wordpress.com for more details
I started reading Miss You, Love You, Hate You, Bye on 11/9/2019 and DNF because I figured out what the ending will be and I don't feel interested in reading it anymore. I do like that it's fast paced. I also like how well it's written in terms of the voices of both characters being young. The writing is upbeat and has humor. Platonic friendship is okay to read but I guess I always liked a bit of romance underneath in a story because the read will be more cuter.
A letter to Hank is the alternating view, told in the first person, in the future, saying that it's Hank's fault this person is now locked up in the loony bin. Hank for Hannah, in the present, telling readers about her tight friendship with Zoe. They have been inseparable since they were wee baby. Often times Hank wants to be Zoe's twin and will do absolutely everything Zoe asked of her. Then it all changes after a summer break in high school, the only summer they don't spend time together. Zoe came home with a cat and the scratches on her body are blamed at the cat. But Hank noticed the difference and started questioning.
Miss You, Love You, Hate You, Bye is a story of friendship.
xoxo, Jasmine at www.howusefulitis.wordpress.com for more details
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January 27, 2020DNF
No rating because 1) I definitely didn't make it far enough in to justify a rating, and 2) it might just be that I'm not the right reader for this one. I really didn't enjoy the narrative voice of Hank or Zoe's sections, and Hank's obsession with Zoe (down to even saying she chose certain, er... body hair styles so she could look just like Zoe in that aspect) was super cringe-inducing and not pleasant to read. It felt like I was supposed to be reading characters in their mid- to late-teens but they sounded and talked like they were 11-12 years old (I had to double-check twice to make sure it wasn't a MG book).
Anyways, I couldn't do it, sorry.
Thank you so much to the publisher for providing me with this finished copy in exchange for an honest review!
No rating because 1) I definitely didn't make it far enough in to justify a rating, and 2) it might just be that I'm not the right reader for this one. I really didn't enjoy the narrative voice of Hank or Zoe's sections, and Hank's obsession with Zoe (down to even saying she chose certain, er... body hair styles so she could look just like Zoe in that aspect) was super cringe-inducing and not pleasant to read. It felt like I was supposed to be reading characters in their mid- to late-teens but they sounded and talked like they were 11-12 years old (I had to double-check twice to make sure it wasn't a MG book).
Anyways, I couldn't do it, sorry.
Thank you so much to the publisher for providing me with this finished copy in exchange for an honest review!
July 20, 2020
trigger warnings: eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia), self-harm (cutting) - i definitely do not recommend this book if you are sensitive to these topics
Miss You Hate You Love You Bye by Abby Sher is a YA contemporary about Hank and Zoe, two best friends who have been inseparable since they first met, literally. Now, though, after their first summer away from each other, Hank realizes that Zoe is not the same girl she calls her best friend. She's lost an unimaginable amount of weight, appears with unexplainable cuts all over, and is far more irritable than before.
This story alternates in past and present, where we read chapters from Hank's point of view and short letters from Zoe's while she's in treatment.
I am honestly so conflicted about this book. I cannot tell you if I liked it or didn't like it.
First of all, I desperately wish this story had chapters in Zoe's point of view. It feels as though Zoe is intentionally portrayed as an unlikeable character; we only get snapshots of her POV from short letters where she also does not appear as a hero. Zoe definitely does crappy things throughout the book and I don't want to justify that, but I really wish we'd seen things from Zoe's point of view to get a well-rounded view of the realities of living with an eating disorder.
My favorite parts of the book, honestly, were the short chapters in Zoe's point of view.
I also found Hank's obsession with Zoe very...questionable to see the least. The way Hank aspired to be Zoe was??? so weird and unnecessary tbh??? That was probably my least favorite part of the book.
That being said, I did appreciate the fact that the focal point of this novel was a friendship. I also liked the end of Hank's story arc (though I felt the book ended quite abruptly).
I honestly did like Hank's story, I just didn't think that's what this story should have been about.
It almost felt as though Zoe's journey didn't fit into this book, and it should have been about Hank. Or vice versa.
We really got no closure in terms of Zoe's recovery, and I found that weird.
I don't know, there really were parts of this story I enjoyed. I liked the honest portrayal of the uglier sides of living with an eating disorder. I liked Hank's story and I found her family dynamics really interesting.
But I also felt as though there was something lacking? Or like something just didn't quite fit?
I don't know y'all...I am...conflicted.
disclaimer: i received an arc in exchange for an honest review. this in no way impacted my opinion.
Miss You Hate You Love You Bye by Abby Sher is a YA contemporary about Hank and Zoe, two best friends who have been inseparable since they first met, literally. Now, though, after their first summer away from each other, Hank realizes that Zoe is not the same girl she calls her best friend. She's lost an unimaginable amount of weight, appears with unexplainable cuts all over, and is far more irritable than before.
This story alternates in past and present, where we read chapters from Hank's point of view and short letters from Zoe's while she's in treatment.
I am honestly so conflicted about this book. I cannot tell you if I liked it or didn't like it.
First of all, I desperately wish this story had chapters in Zoe's point of view. It feels as though Zoe is intentionally portrayed as an unlikeable character; we only get snapshots of her POV from short letters where she also does not appear as a hero. Zoe definitely does crappy things throughout the book and I don't want to justify that, but I really wish we'd seen things from Zoe's point of view to get a well-rounded view of the realities of living with an eating disorder.
My favorite parts of the book, honestly, were the short chapters in Zoe's point of view.
I also found Hank's obsession with Zoe very...questionable to see the least. The way Hank aspired to be Zoe was??? so weird and unnecessary tbh??? That was probably my least favorite part of the book.
That being said, I did appreciate the fact that the focal point of this novel was a friendship. I also liked the end of Hank's story arc (though I felt the book ended quite abruptly).
I honestly did like Hank's story, I just didn't think that's what this story should have been about.
It almost felt as though Zoe's journey didn't fit into this book, and it should have been about Hank. Or vice versa.
We really got no closure in terms of Zoe's recovery, and I found that weird.
I don't know, there really were parts of this story I enjoyed. I liked the honest portrayal of the uglier sides of living with an eating disorder. I liked Hank's story and I found her family dynamics really interesting.
But I also felt as though there was something lacking? Or like something just didn't quite fit?
I don't know y'all...I am...conflicted.
disclaimer: i received an arc in exchange for an honest review. this in no way impacted my opinion.
May 18, 2022
2.5 STARS
**minor spoilers**
Zoe is the star in her relationship with best friend Hannah, nicknamed Hank. Hank realizes Zoe is on the path of a dangerous eating disorder and wonders how to help.
MISS YOU LOVE YOU HATE YOU BYE is told in dual timelines with Zoe’s letters to Hank occurring in the present and Hank narrating what led up to Zoe’s hospitalization.
I enjoyed Abby Sher’s writing style and quickly tore through the pages of this quick read. I had difficulty understanding the friendship, because Zoe operated like she was having a very long manic episode and in need of medication and Hank followed her aimlessly, wondering if she should do or say something. Both teens were sympathetic, Hank more so.
MISS YOU LOVE YOU HATE YOU BYE skirts along the edges of important issues, grief, mental illness, divorce, family, self-injury, anorexia, self-esteem and relationships without truly addressing them. Some were addressed through telling, not showing. I kept hoping for more depth. The friendship between the girls felt imbalanced and unhealthy.
Although I don’t like non-ending endings, MISS YOU LOVE YOU HATE YOU BYE did end on a somewhat satisfactory note for me.
MISS YOU LOVE YOU HATE YOU BYE left me wanting more and wondering what kind of health insurance Zoe had that allowed for such long term treatment because her parents weren’t wealthy.
ETA: Terrible Audible narration. I don’t recommend the audiobook
**minor spoilers**
Zoe is the star in her relationship with best friend Hannah, nicknamed Hank. Hank realizes Zoe is on the path of a dangerous eating disorder and wonders how to help.
MISS YOU LOVE YOU HATE YOU BYE is told in dual timelines with Zoe’s letters to Hank occurring in the present and Hank narrating what led up to Zoe’s hospitalization.
I enjoyed Abby Sher’s writing style and quickly tore through the pages of this quick read. I had difficulty understanding the friendship, because Zoe operated like she was having a very long manic episode and in need of medication and Hank followed her aimlessly, wondering if she should do or say something. Both teens were sympathetic, Hank more so.
MISS YOU LOVE YOU HATE YOU BYE skirts along the edges of important issues, grief, mental illness, divorce, family, self-injury, anorexia, self-esteem and relationships without truly addressing them. Some were addressed through telling, not showing. I kept hoping for more depth. The friendship between the girls felt imbalanced and unhealthy.
Although I don’t like non-ending endings, MISS YOU LOVE YOU HATE YOU BYE did end on a somewhat satisfactory note for me.
MISS YOU LOVE YOU HATE YOU BYE left me wanting more and wondering what kind of health insurance Zoe had that allowed for such long term treatment because her parents weren’t wealthy.
ETA: Terrible Audible narration. I don’t recommend the audiobook
May 22, 2023
I just remembered I read this book. All I can think of to say is no, just no. If I could give it zero stars I would, what a horrible book. And a horrendous cover to go along with it. This book gave me a major ick and I don’t even know why I continued to read after the the friendship somehow became sexual. Please don’t read this book.
September 29, 2020
Hank and Zoe are the best of friends, have been the best of friends for years. Hank is the rock, the quieter foil to Zoe's exuberance. Zoe is...Zoe is glitter and half-baked plans and enthusiasm; she's energy and explosions of colour. Except, lately, she's also too-thin limbs in undersized clothing that shouldn't fit, and she's bloody scratches on skin that can't be explained, and she's a furious spiral of self-destruction.
I don't think the book description for this one is particularly accurate. 'Zoe's perfect facade' is never a thing—Zoe loses her sparkle and her polish, yes, but more than any kind of perfection, I see her described as being ever on the edge of chaos, always on the verge of tumbling off the cliff and taking everyone else down with her. Hank's friendship with her is hard to watch: insular and codependent and always, it seems, with Hank left feeling responsible for things she cannot control.
There are some things that I appreciate quite a bit, though: the lack of romance in the book. (Can you imagine? Zoe having a romance would mean ten times the drama, ten times the spiralling, and ten times Hank's anxiety that she was on the verge of replacement, and Hank in a relationship would...would not go over well with Zoe). I'm also glad that things aren't completely wrapped up with a bow at the end: But ideally, I think I'd have preferred to see a little less codependence throughout, and a little less relief at the end that .
I don't think the book description for this one is particularly accurate. 'Zoe's perfect facade' is never a thing—Zoe loses her sparkle and her polish, yes, but more than any kind of perfection, I see her described as being ever on the edge of chaos, always on the verge of tumbling off the cliff and taking everyone else down with her. Hank's friendship with her is hard to watch: insular and codependent and always, it seems, with Hank left feeling responsible for things she cannot control.
There are some things that I appreciate quite a bit, though: the lack of romance in the book. (Can you imagine? Zoe having a romance would mean ten times the drama, ten times the spiralling, and ten times Hank's anxiety that she was on the verge of replacement, and Hank in a relationship would...would not go over well with Zoe). I'm also glad that things aren't completely wrapped up with a bow at the end: But ideally, I think I'd have preferred to see a little less codependence throughout, and a little less relief at the end that .
February 16, 2020
Dnf 50% I really tried. I love the cover and then I read the summary and though I would like this book. The problem is the characters aren’t very likable. The best part is the letters that Zoe writes at the end of each chapter.
I didn’t even know if it was Zoe was writing them initially because them because Hannah is narrating and at the end it’s a letter, and I am thing is it Hannah judging herself.
The first chapter is a mess. Its hard to read and confusing.
It is chaotic. After that’s it gets better and I
Think maybe I can read it but again the characters are really immature and difficult to root for. I am aware they are in high school but they are truly annoying. It’s a good subject and I see where it’s going but it’s really hard to keep reading. Maybe the book is meant to be chaotic like the lives of these two girls but I just didn’t want to continue.
I didn’t even know if it was Zoe was writing them initially because them because Hannah is narrating and at the end it’s a letter, and I am thing is it Hannah judging herself.
The first chapter is a mess. Its hard to read and confusing.
It is chaotic. After that’s it gets better and I
Think maybe I can read it but again the characters are really immature and difficult to root for. I am aware they are in high school but they are truly annoying. It’s a good subject and I see where it’s going but it’s really hard to keep reading. Maybe the book is meant to be chaotic like the lives of these two girls but I just didn’t want to continue.
March 31, 2020
this book is amazing!! it honestly sums up my life kind of. one minute you miss somebody but then you realize you love them and then you realize you hate them and need to let go.
January 9, 2020
3.75 stars
Copy provided by the publisher and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
It's so refreshing to find a YA book that focuses on a strong female friendship verse a relationship. Miss You Love You Hate You has a great base friendship at the heart of the story. Hannah (Hank) and Zoe have been friends for as along as they can remember but one summer changes everything. Zoe's life is turned upside down and Hank is along for the ride. Together they test the limits of their friendship and how far you''ll go to help a friend. It's a beautiful story that deals with really tough topics. My biggest complaint is this story is told almost entirely from Hanks POV, I would've love to read more from Zoe's POV. She was pretty unlikeable at times and I think it would have helped to know what she was thinking. Overall, I really enjoyed it!
Copy provided by the publisher and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
It's so refreshing to find a YA book that focuses on a strong female friendship verse a relationship. Miss You Love You Hate You has a great base friendship at the heart of the story. Hannah (Hank) and Zoe have been friends for as along as they can remember but one summer changes everything. Zoe's life is turned upside down and Hank is along for the ride. Together they test the limits of their friendship and how far you''ll go to help a friend. It's a beautiful story that deals with really tough topics. My biggest complaint is this story is told almost entirely from Hanks POV, I would've love to read more from Zoe's POV. She was pretty unlikeable at times and I think it would have helped to know what she was thinking. Overall, I really enjoyed it!
September 9, 2021
I wanted to love this. I really did.
Unfortunately, it fell flat, and I ended up skipping massive sections of the book because quite frankly, they felt unreadable.
Zoe's letters were the most interesting to me, but the structure of the novel was slightly annoying, and I didn't really like the juxtaposition of Zoe's letters with Hannah's experience of the past. It was... odd.
Also?? Definitely feel like the parts about eating disorders and self harm could have been explained better? As someone who has suffered from an eating disorder, these parts just felt a bit... stale to me, I suppose. Not quite fleshed out (no pun intended.)
I'm disappointed that this book isn't better. The cover is awesome, and the premise is interesting. Plot is alright, characters are downright annoying for the most part, and overall, I am not mad that I read it, but I will not read it again.
Unfortunately, it fell flat, and I ended up skipping massive sections of the book because quite frankly, they felt unreadable.
Zoe's letters were the most interesting to me, but the structure of the novel was slightly annoying, and I didn't really like the juxtaposition of Zoe's letters with Hannah's experience of the past. It was... odd.
Also?? Definitely feel like the parts about eating disorders and self harm could have been explained better? As someone who has suffered from an eating disorder, these parts just felt a bit... stale to me, I suppose. Not quite fleshed out (no pun intended.)
I'm disappointed that this book isn't better. The cover is awesome, and the premise is interesting. Plot is alright, characters are downright annoying for the most part, and overall, I am not mad that I read it, but I will not read it again.
December 1, 2020
Sadly this one just didn't work out well for me. I didn't care for the letter format of the story and tell I realized what was going to happen early on. It was very predictable and the characters just didn't grab me.
December 21, 2020
A young adult book that didn’t really translate for adult me. It felt unfinished and overly dramatic, which maybe is how some relationships/friendships can be. General a quick read but not a must read.
May 10, 2021
I really tried to love this one. There is a good message in this novel, but I couldn't get through all the goobly-goo talk between the two girls. I really wish I could have loved it.
April 9, 2024
I really liked it, but I wish that Zoe and Hannah's romantic feelings toward one another would have been addressed. And I wish we had got to see their relationship after Zoe leaves treatment.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 9, 2020
This one was a 3.5 for me, and I confess to being confused by some of the low ratings for this book by several readers, some of whom said that they didn't finish the book. I found it riveting, honest, and emotionally raw. While I didn't really like either of the main characters, I don't necessarily need to like a protagonist to appreciate a story or the writing. Clearly, there are important messages and topics covered here--self-empowerment, loyalty, mental health, body image, and learning to let go, among them. Although there were parts of the book that left me feeling as though I'd been hurled through the air and fallen without a net beneath me, there were other parts that followed the two friends in painful detail. While many books explore failed romantic relationships or how hard it is to let go of romantic love, few tackle unhealthy and out of balance friendships between teen girls so well. This focus seems to offer at least one good reason for reading the book. Zoe and Hannah (Hank) Levinstein have been friends since childhood, and Hank has always been in her friend's shadow. Zoe is the center of attention and talented while Hank is quieter and sees herself as far less attractive than her beautiful and popular friend. Hank is still reeling from her father's unexpected death and her mother's new romantic interest as the story begins, and Zoe's perfect world seems to be falling apart after her parents' divorce. She becomes obsessed with her new pet cat and concocts all sorts of plans involving a band and social media attention, and Hank realizes that something is really wrong with her friend. She is barely eating, exercising compulsively, and cutting herself. After a final betrayal by Zoe, Hank comes to the conclusion that she can't fix her friend who clearly needs more help than she can provide. The girls' story is told through the point of view of Hank whose slowly dawning awareness about how dysfunctional their relationship is portrayed perfectly and from letters and journal entries written by Zoe while she's in recovery in an eating disorders clinic. The letters highlight her range of emotions, expressed in the book's title. And while readers may hope for a reunion between the two friends, the ending does not disappoint since finally, finally, Hank has learned to take care of herself first and allow her own light to shine. Given how quickly Zoe's life seems to have unraveled during the summer and fall of their junior year, I was curious to know more about what she was like before all this happened. And oh, my, how sorry I felt for that cat, Pepe le Meowsers, especially in one of the pivotal scenes in the book. I'm glad I read this book, and I can see many teens and adults who could benefit from reading it as they learn to set their own boundaries with those around them, especially best friends.
June 10, 2020
“I always wanted to be Zoe’s twin but I was far from it...”
Abby Sher, Miss You Love You Hate You Bye
Opening up (insert book) was like opening up a can of worms. This young adult novel was nothing but one big mess in my opinion. As you can tell by how long it took me to finish Miss You Love You Hate You Bye.
Within the first few pages the main character, Zoe is already well into the depths of her self destructive behaviors. Her best friend, Hannah “Hank” is always with her and slowly begins to realize that something is not right with Zoe after her parents messy divorce. Her self-absorbed mother is determined to become her new best friend and her father has distanced himself from Zoe as the divorce is pending. However, Hannah has her own set of issues. After her dads death Hannah’s mother has started dating a man who is the exact opposite of her beloved father. The characters in Miss You Love You Hate You Bye were really one dimensional and lacked everything this book needed for a serious subject matter.
The writing was possibly the biggest issue I had with this book. It felt disjointed and detached. I hate that we received so little of Zoe’s point of view. Miss You Love You Hate You Bye is about two people but it is almost as if the author forgot that she was writing about two characters until she remembered about Zoe and added that characters thoughts quickly through letters sent to Hannah. I thought that the letters were a great way to see where Zoe is in her mind set but the author failed miserably. Maybe, if Abby Sher added in journal entries it might have saved this mess of a book but not by much.
In the end, I think that when writing about something as important and fragile as mental health you must be well equipped with knowledge and I don’t believe the author knew enough to write about such a life altering journey.
Trigger Warning : Eating Disorders, Self Harm
Abby Sher, Miss You Love You Hate You Bye
Opening up (insert book) was like opening up a can of worms. This young adult novel was nothing but one big mess in my opinion. As you can tell by how long it took me to finish Miss You Love You Hate You Bye.
Within the first few pages the main character, Zoe is already well into the depths of her self destructive behaviors. Her best friend, Hannah “Hank” is always with her and slowly begins to realize that something is not right with Zoe after her parents messy divorce. Her self-absorbed mother is determined to become her new best friend and her father has distanced himself from Zoe as the divorce is pending. However, Hannah has her own set of issues. After her dads death Hannah’s mother has started dating a man who is the exact opposite of her beloved father. The characters in Miss You Love You Hate You Bye were really one dimensional and lacked everything this book needed for a serious subject matter.
The writing was possibly the biggest issue I had with this book. It felt disjointed and detached. I hate that we received so little of Zoe’s point of view. Miss You Love You Hate You Bye is about two people but it is almost as if the author forgot that she was writing about two characters until she remembered about Zoe and added that characters thoughts quickly through letters sent to Hannah. I thought that the letters were a great way to see where Zoe is in her mind set but the author failed miserably. Maybe, if Abby Sher added in journal entries it might have saved this mess of a book but not by much.
In the end, I think that when writing about something as important and fragile as mental health you must be well equipped with knowledge and I don’t believe the author knew enough to write about such a life altering journey.
Trigger Warning : Eating Disorders, Self Harm
April 5, 2020
Miss You Love You Hate You Bye by Abby Sher is a challenging read, wrought with the coming-of-age complex emotions and co-dependencies of two teenage best friends. The novel chronicles the bestie relationship of Zoe and Hank. Each teenage girl is struggling with her own issues of identity. Hank has lost herself in Zoe so much that she tries to be like her and struggles to balance her love and envy for her. Zoe is codependent on Hank and needs Hank’s friendship for validation, so she manipulates Hank to that end.
As a coming-of-age story, Zoe and Hank are both struggling with a family crisis. Hank has recently lost her father, who suddenly died of a heart attack and she struggles to embrace her mother’s newfound happiness with her boyfriend, a good man with well-meaning intentions. Zoe is dealing with the anger and betrayal of her parents’ divorce. She blames her dad for leaving her mom for another woman. Zoe has developed an eating disorder to cope and control her life and Hank sits silently on the sidelines watching her best friend shrink to a size double 0. Hank and Zoe’s mom are enablers. Hank struggles with finding her voice and courage to speak up and call out Zoe’s eating disorder. Zoe’s mom struggles with her own body dysmorphia, transferring her body issues onto her daughter and fueling their obsession with working out.
This is a story about the potency of teenage female friendships, their ability to shape the women we become. It chronicles the painful fact that we outgrow some friendships while others we chose to keep as we age and evolve. Making that decision to end a friendship is often difficult as we struggle with conflicting emotions of love and hate. The ability to reconcile those two emotions and find acceptance and peace is the message I take away from Abby Sher’s novel, Miss You, Love You, Hate You, Bye.
My only constructive comment on the novel regards its narrative style. Sher sprinkles her prose with letters Zoe writes from rehab to Hank as the story of their relationship unfolds. As a writer, I appreciate and applaud Sher’s creative stylistic choice for its originality. As a reader, I found the narrative disorienting and discombobulated at times to follow for its lack of transitions from Hanks's voice to Zoe’s letters. I like being challenged and I enjoyed reading Miss You, Love You, Hate You, Bye. It is a fresh, relatable and emotionally resonant read.
As a coming-of-age story, Zoe and Hank are both struggling with a family crisis. Hank has recently lost her father, who suddenly died of a heart attack and she struggles to embrace her mother’s newfound happiness with her boyfriend, a good man with well-meaning intentions. Zoe is dealing with the anger and betrayal of her parents’ divorce. She blames her dad for leaving her mom for another woman. Zoe has developed an eating disorder to cope and control her life and Hank sits silently on the sidelines watching her best friend shrink to a size double 0. Hank and Zoe’s mom are enablers. Hank struggles with finding her voice and courage to speak up and call out Zoe’s eating disorder. Zoe’s mom struggles with her own body dysmorphia, transferring her body issues onto her daughter and fueling their obsession with working out.
This is a story about the potency of teenage female friendships, their ability to shape the women we become. It chronicles the painful fact that we outgrow some friendships while others we chose to keep as we age and evolve. Making that decision to end a friendship is often difficult as we struggle with conflicting emotions of love and hate. The ability to reconcile those two emotions and find acceptance and peace is the message I take away from Abby Sher’s novel, Miss You, Love You, Hate You, Bye.
My only constructive comment on the novel regards its narrative style. Sher sprinkles her prose with letters Zoe writes from rehab to Hank as the story of their relationship unfolds. As a writer, I appreciate and applaud Sher’s creative stylistic choice for its originality. As a reader, I found the narrative disorienting and discombobulated at times to follow for its lack of transitions from Hanks's voice to Zoe’s letters. I like being challenged and I enjoyed reading Miss You, Love You, Hate You, Bye. It is a fresh, relatable and emotionally resonant read.
June 16, 2023
What's going on with Zoe?
Hannah wants to just fall back into their comfortable routine: Zoe in front, the life of the party, getting things started, and Hannah falling in line behind her, following her lead. Zoe calls her "Hank," so Hannah goes with it. Zoe orders her around, and Hannah does what she asks. Hannah's wanted to be like Zoe for as long as she can remember because Zoe's always been so cool, so fun, so spontaneous.
But what the heck is going on with Zoe now? She's so ... much. Too much of everything. Loud, reckless, changing her mind in a moment, making crazy decisions. She's bought a kitten, too, even though Hannah is allergic. Does Zoe even like that cat? It seems like the kitten is just a prop for her social media fans to "like."
As Hannah becomes more and more uncomfortable with Zoe's behavior, she realizes that there's a lot more going on than just a case of wild summer fun. Zoe NEVER eats. She has an excuse every time, but it's definitely dawning on Hannah that her best friend has a problem, and Zoe's mom is too wrapped up in her own drama to pay attention. Hannah, always the follower, is going to have to do something to save her friend, and that's a really uncomfortable spot to be in.
REVIEW: I like this story of a teen realizing that sometimes to be a true friend, you have to do things that your friend doesn't appreciate -- things they may even hate you for. It's a good glimpse into the world of eating disorders, too, and how they can arise in a family and be unnoticed or denied. The challenge of this book is that you read Zoe's letters from a treatment center interspersed throughout the novel although she hasn't been taken there for treatment until the end of the book. Once you get the pattern, though, it's cool to see Zoe's letters change in tone and content over the course of time. It's like Sher added an epilogue to the novel but included it in bits and pieces throughout rather than saving it until the end. The rest of the novel is from Hannah's point of view as she navigates her own home life challenges and the troubles happening at Zoe's house as well. There is a lot of family dysfunction in the form of a cheating dad and inattentive mom; there is also Hannah's fear that her mom's boyfriend will erase the memory of her own deceased dad from their family, plus, of course, eating disorder details.
Hannah wants to just fall back into their comfortable routine: Zoe in front, the life of the party, getting things started, and Hannah falling in line behind her, following her lead. Zoe calls her "Hank," so Hannah goes with it. Zoe orders her around, and Hannah does what she asks. Hannah's wanted to be like Zoe for as long as she can remember because Zoe's always been so cool, so fun, so spontaneous.
But what the heck is going on with Zoe now? She's so ... much. Too much of everything. Loud, reckless, changing her mind in a moment, making crazy decisions. She's bought a kitten, too, even though Hannah is allergic. Does Zoe even like that cat? It seems like the kitten is just a prop for her social media fans to "like."
As Hannah becomes more and more uncomfortable with Zoe's behavior, she realizes that there's a lot more going on than just a case of wild summer fun. Zoe NEVER eats. She has an excuse every time, but it's definitely dawning on Hannah that her best friend has a problem, and Zoe's mom is too wrapped up in her own drama to pay attention. Hannah, always the follower, is going to have to do something to save her friend, and that's a really uncomfortable spot to be in.
REVIEW: I like this story of a teen realizing that sometimes to be a true friend, you have to do things that your friend doesn't appreciate -- things they may even hate you for. It's a good glimpse into the world of eating disorders, too, and how they can arise in a family and be unnoticed or denied. The challenge of this book is that you read Zoe's letters from a treatment center interspersed throughout the novel although she hasn't been taken there for treatment until the end of the book. Once you get the pattern, though, it's cool to see Zoe's letters change in tone and content over the course of time. It's like Sher added an epilogue to the novel but included it in bits and pieces throughout rather than saving it until the end. The rest of the novel is from Hannah's point of view as she navigates her own home life challenges and the troubles happening at Zoe's house as well. There is a lot of family dysfunction in the form of a cheating dad and inattentive mom; there is also Hannah's fear that her mom's boyfriend will erase the memory of her own deceased dad from their family, plus, of course, eating disorder details.
April 4, 2020
2.5 stars
~
TW: Anorexia, bulimia, self harm. It’s a lot. Keep that in mind.
~
I’ve been Hank. But I’ve also been Zoe, to an extent. I’ve struggled with the things Zoe has, and I’ve struggled with watching my friend self destruct, and had to weigh the idea of losing the friendship or losing the person entirely.
So yeah. This book hit close to home. It was hard to read. And yet? I didn’t like it. Not because it hurt, but because it felt... fake-y. Manic and sensationalized and overdramatic.
Don’t get me wrong—in no way did this book glorify eating disorders. It just didn’t... it didn’t get real in a lot of ways. Maybe because it was from Hank’s point of view and not Zoe’s. I don’t know.
The letters felt real. They felt raw and honest and true. If a little overdramatic—but that’s is Zoe’s personality so it fit.
The storyline felt rushed and jumpy and manic. All the social media stuff felt weirdly fake and randomly pasted in there. It didn’t cohesively fit with the rest of the story? I felt like it made it seem like that was Zoe’s problem in a lot of ways. Social media addiction. And the storyline felt underdeveloped.
So, overall? It hit me hard, but i wouldn’t recommend it. I think there are many better eating disorder and self-harm reps although I haven’t found any that follow the best friend’s perspective.
~
TW: Anorexia, bulimia, self harm. It’s a lot. Keep that in mind.
~
I’ve been Hank. But I’ve also been Zoe, to an extent. I’ve struggled with the things Zoe has, and I’ve struggled with watching my friend self destruct, and had to weigh the idea of losing the friendship or losing the person entirely.
So yeah. This book hit close to home. It was hard to read. And yet? I didn’t like it. Not because it hurt, but because it felt... fake-y. Manic and sensationalized and overdramatic.
Don’t get me wrong—in no way did this book glorify eating disorders. It just didn’t... it didn’t get real in a lot of ways. Maybe because it was from Hank’s point of view and not Zoe’s. I don’t know.
The letters felt real. They felt raw and honest and true. If a little overdramatic—but that’s is Zoe’s personality so it fit.
The storyline felt rushed and jumpy and manic. All the social media stuff felt weirdly fake and randomly pasted in there. It didn’t cohesively fit with the rest of the story? I felt like it made it seem like that was Zoe’s problem in a lot of ways. Social media addiction. And the storyline felt underdeveloped.
So, overall? It hit me hard, but i wouldn’t recommend it. I think there are many better eating disorder and self-harm reps although I haven’t found any that follow the best friend’s perspective.
January 8, 2020
Hannah (who goes by Hank) and Zoe have been best friends since they were little. They are both struggling with changes in their families and find different methods to cope. When Zoe's desire to control her life by controlling her weight spirals into an eating disorder her newly separated parents are too caught up in their own lives to notice. Can the Hannah (the follower) stand up to the exuberant Zoe and her parents and convince them to get Zoe the help she needs, and will their friendship survive?
One interesting thing about this book is that we find out right away that Zoe has gotten the help that she needs. The story alternates between the current time in Hannah's perspective, and letters that Zoe is writing Hannah from the treatment facility in the future. We can see both characters grow and change.
While this book can be a little heavy handed with the eating disorder messages it's still a good story and I would recommend it, especially to girls who are entering Junior high and high school so they can identify some of the signs that their friends might be struggling.
-1 star for the awkward kiss that didn't really do anything for the plot.
One interesting thing about this book is that we find out right away that Zoe has gotten the help that she needs. The story alternates between the current time in Hannah's perspective, and letters that Zoe is writing Hannah from the treatment facility in the future. We can see both characters grow and change.
While this book can be a little heavy handed with the eating disorder messages it's still a good story and I would recommend it, especially to girls who are entering Junior high and high school so they can identify some of the signs that their friends might be struggling.
-1 star for the awkward kiss that didn't really do anything for the plot.
January 21, 2021
Miss You tells a serious story with humour as compassion. Hannah believes she lives in Zoe’s effervescent shadow but Zoe’s world is unravelling.
Without causing spoilers, this book encompasses friendship, social media, divorce, eating disorders, self-harm, high school, self-discovery, parental death, and probably a lot more.
Hannah is real and relatable. She isn’t one of those teens who quotes obscure Russian literature at just the wittiest time. She’s confused and hurt and resilient.
Hannah is hilarious in scenes with her mother’s boyfriend. I cringed and felt as awkward as Hannah when she stands up for herself or has to talk to Zoe’s father, Travis.
The alternating chapters with Zoe’s letters to Hannah add another dimension to the story.
I didn’t expect to enjoy this novel. I rarely laugh when reading a YA novel anymore but this one had me several times. You have to meet Elan.
Miss You also breaks my heart. It’s a neatly constructed and quiet tour-de-force of emotions.
All characters are treated with respect and no one is hated or hateful. They’re just flawed humans.
The F word is used but not relied on.
Don’t miss Miss You.
Without causing spoilers, this book encompasses friendship, social media, divorce, eating disorders, self-harm, high school, self-discovery, parental death, and probably a lot more.
Hannah is real and relatable. She isn’t one of those teens who quotes obscure Russian literature at just the wittiest time. She’s confused and hurt and resilient.
Hannah is hilarious in scenes with her mother’s boyfriend. I cringed and felt as awkward as Hannah when she stands up for herself or has to talk to Zoe’s father, Travis.
The alternating chapters with Zoe’s letters to Hannah add another dimension to the story.
I didn’t expect to enjoy this novel. I rarely laugh when reading a YA novel anymore but this one had me several times. You have to meet Elan.
Miss You also breaks my heart. It’s a neatly constructed and quiet tour-de-force of emotions.
All characters are treated with respect and no one is hated or hateful. They’re just flawed humans.
The F word is used but not relied on.
Don’t miss Miss You.
March 26, 2021
I try to find redeeming qualities in all of the books I read, but unfortunately there is little to like about Abby Sher's novel Miss You Love You Hate You Bye. If the title, with its lack of punctuation, feels like one long run-on sentence to you, then be prepared because his book reads much the same way. Focusing on the friendship between two high school girls amidst the separation of one of the girl's parents and the way this traumatic news manifests in her life, Miss You Love You Hate You Bye has a lot of potential. Sadly, its execution is downright awful. The characters are shallow and unlikeable, and Sher writes as if she is on speed, rushing readers from one topic to the next without developing any of the plot points. And speaking of the plot, it is outlandish and ridiculous. This book touches on some rather serious topics, but does not give any of them the gravity that they are due. Not only can this have grave consequences for the book's intended young consumers, but it also makes for an unenjoyable reading experience.
Thank you to NetGalley and Macmillan Children's Books for an ARC of this novel in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you to NetGalley and Macmillan Children's Books for an ARC of this novel in exchange for an honest review.
December 16, 2022
2.5
TW for and eating disorder and self harm
Zoe's a manic pixie dream girl. She sometimes speaks in rhymes, is generous with her I love yous, calls her (divorced) parents by their first names, posts provocative videos on the internet, starves herself, slices and dices, and sometimes will even kiss a girl (without consent ofc). Her whole characterization felt like a very shallow and stereotyped portrayal of an unstable teen girl, designed to fit nicely into the male. Really you'd assume it was published in the early 2000s as opposed to 2020.
On a separate note, the portrayal of mental illness through the friend's perspective was something different to how these topics are normally approached and I thought aspects of the way Hank behaved and felt were pretty realistic (although I didn't really like Hank as a character).
Overall just not really a great book.
TW for and eating disorder and self harm
Zoe's a manic pixie dream girl. She sometimes speaks in rhymes, is generous with her I love yous, calls her (divorced) parents by their first names, posts provocative videos on the internet, starves herself, slices and dices, and sometimes will even kiss a girl (without consent ofc). Her whole characterization felt like a very shallow and stereotyped portrayal of an unstable teen girl, designed to fit nicely into the male. Really you'd assume it was published in the early 2000s as opposed to 2020.
On a separate note, the portrayal of mental illness through the friend's perspective was something different to how these topics are normally approached and I thought aspects of the way Hank behaved and felt were pretty realistic (although I didn't really like Hank as a character).
Overall just not really a great book.
September 11, 2023
3.5 stars
I really enjoyed this book, though it was hard for me to read at some parts because it was pretty deep, and emotional, and moving, but it was honest and beautiful and sad. They describe Zoe in a way that makes everyone want to love her, which is a trap I fell in early on in the novel, causing me to have a hard time with her struggling. Because she wasn’t the bad guy, she was just Zoe. Some of my favorite bits were her letters that she wrote, because we got to see into the future, and see it from her perspective. Though I wish the ending was happier, I do understand that it was truthful, and Hank did the right thing. Something I wished I’d seen was if she changed her name back to Hannah at the end, because I felt that more suited her, and it would show her full separation from Zoe.
I really enjoyed this book, though it was hard for me to read at some parts because it was pretty deep, and emotional, and moving, but it was honest and beautiful and sad. They describe Zoe in a way that makes everyone want to love her, which is a trap I fell in early on in the novel, causing me to have a hard time with her struggling. Because she wasn’t the bad guy, she was just Zoe. Some of my favorite bits were her letters that she wrote, because we got to see into the future, and see it from her perspective. Though I wish the ending was happier, I do understand that it was truthful, and Hank did the right thing. Something I wished I’d seen was if she changed her name back to Hannah at the end, because I felt that more suited her, and it would show her full separation from Zoe.
May 9, 2021
Over a week after finishing this, I saw a card that had the word 'balls' in big font. My first thought was 'oh I know someone who would like that' - and then I realised that the person (people) I was thinking of were fictional! That alone I think speaks for how realistic this book is. It tackles a really hard subject, and one that's really personal to me - not just mental illness, but how it can be to love someone who's struggling, whilst also living your own life. I really liked the way that the letters were interspersed with the plot, and the way that both characters developed through these. Also, the ending was everything I wish I could have read ten years ago. It wasn't perfect, but I'm pleased this book exists.
finished-but-hated
September 3, 2021...
Well, at least the cat lived. I think.
(also, wtf was up with that kiss coming out of nowhere and all the level of gushy detail put into it? did the author accidentally slip in some The Sentinal genderswap-and-name-change high-school AU smarm?)
(ALSO also, Taylor Swift does not have a pet llama, she has CATS. Given the shtick of the girls' act in this book is cat-based you'd think one would bother about consistency. If I had a nickel for every time I had to nitpick about Swift's pet ownerships in a YA book review, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.)
Well, at least the cat lived. I think.
(also, wtf was up with that kiss coming out of nowhere and all the level of gushy detail put into it? did the author accidentally slip in some The Sentinal genderswap-and-name-change high-school AU smarm?)
(ALSO also, Taylor Swift does not have a pet llama, she has CATS. Given the shtick of the girls' act in this book is cat-based you'd think one would bother about consistency. If I had a nickel for every time I had to nitpick about Swift's pet ownerships in a YA book review, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.)
October 29, 2021
This book was incredible. A raw, emotional look at mental health, family relationships and friendships. Abby Sher did an amazing job with not only exploring Hank and Zoe's friendship, but Hank's relationship with her brother, her mother and even Zoe's parents. At its core, this book was a lot deeper than it may have seemed at first glance. The writing style was simplistic but overflowing with wit and heart. I loved the character development we saw happen with Hank, and I am so glad I picked this book up.
Please note: I would give a content warning to anyone looking to read this who might be triggered by sensitive subjects like self harm and eating disorders.
Please note: I would give a content warning to anyone looking to read this who might be triggered by sensitive subjects like self harm and eating disorders.
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