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Behind Closed Doors: Life, Laughs and Football
PRE-ORDER NOW Would a pre-book team-talk be useful before we begin? A few uplifting words to take with you as you pull on the shirt, tie your boots, perform a few light stretches and get ready to go out there and read this? I ought to be able to help. I’ve sat in enough dressing rooms with enough football managers…
This book is inspired by the stories Danny and I have shared with each other about what life in football is really like. Not the dull-as-dishwater post-match interviews you sometimes see on TV, but the secrets, the superstitions, the laughs and the personalities at the heart of it all. I’ve looked back at my playing days, prising open the dressing room door to reveal what actually happens in there, not to mention what happens in the tunnel and on the pitch and – with the appropriate pixellation – in the showers afterwards. Coming at football from the other end of the spectrum, Danny shares stories from a lifetime of following the game as a fan. Both of us reflect, too, from a fair amount of time we’ve spent broadcasting about it on Match of the Day and BBC Radio 5 Live - 606. From Messi to Millwall, from yellow cards to World Cup trophies (I've never been awarded either of them), from the warm-up to the jangling nerves of match day, you’ll find it all here – everything you always wanted to know about football, but didn’t realise that you did. Full of new and expanded stories, you'll find out · My real life playing for England, Leicester, Everton, Barcelona, Tottenham… and Nagoya Grampus Eight
· Danny’s adventures blagging his way to Italia '90
· The best player I ever played with (and wish I had played with)
· The identity of the true Messi, Ronaldo, or Graeme Souness?
· How you really feel after a motivational speech from Sir Bobby Robson
· My greatest superstitions, and Danny’s as a fan (not to mention Eileen Drewery’s)
· The trials of the penalty shoot-out
· The pluses and minuses of open top bus parades
· What nobody tells you about shirt-swapping · The last few things you didn't know about Leicester's miracle title win
· And what it’s actually like to share a bath with Paul Gascoigne Is that enough for a team talk? Now go out there and enjoy yourself!
Inspired by the No.1 podcast Behind Closed Doors
This book is inspired by the stories Danny and I have shared with each other about what life in football is really like. Not the dull-as-dishwater post-match interviews you sometimes see on TV, but the secrets, the superstitions, the laughs and the personalities at the heart of it all. I’ve looked back at my playing days, prising open the dressing room door to reveal what actually happens in there, not to mention what happens in the tunnel and on the pitch and – with the appropriate pixellation – in the showers afterwards. Coming at football from the other end of the spectrum, Danny shares stories from a lifetime of following the game as a fan. Both of us reflect, too, from a fair amount of time we’ve spent broadcasting about it on Match of the Day and BBC Radio 5 Live - 606. From Messi to Millwall, from yellow cards to World Cup trophies (I've never been awarded either of them), from the warm-up to the jangling nerves of match day, you’ll find it all here – everything you always wanted to know about football, but didn’t realise that you did. Full of new and expanded stories, you'll find out · My real life playing for England, Leicester, Everton, Barcelona, Tottenham… and Nagoya Grampus Eight
· Danny’s adventures blagging his way to Italia '90
· The best player I ever played with (and wish I had played with)
· The identity of the true Messi, Ronaldo, or Graeme Souness?
· How you really feel after a motivational speech from Sir Bobby Robson
· My greatest superstitions, and Danny’s as a fan (not to mention Eileen Drewery’s)
· The trials of the penalty shoot-out
· The pluses and minuses of open top bus parades
· What nobody tells you about shirt-swapping · The last few things you didn't know about Leicester's miracle title win
· And what it’s actually like to share a bath with Paul Gascoigne Is that enough for a team talk? Now go out there and enjoy yourself!
Inspired by the No.1 podcast Behind Closed Doors
336 pages, Hardcover
First published September 5, 2019
27 people are currently reading
98 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
September 24, 2019
I picked up this book because I'm already a fan of the podcast. You don't have to be a football fan to enjoy this book, although being one would certainly help.
The book is filled with some of the most funny, interesting, moving and fascinating tales from both the gentleman who have seen this game from either side of the fences.
Thoroughly entertaining to read with my favourite ones being Gary's story when he shat himself on the football ground and the the time when Gazza stayed over at Danny's house.
If you're expecting this to be a technical recounting and analysis of the game then maybe you wanna give this a skip. This book is for all of the fans who love the drama, the comedy and the emotions of the game.
The book is filled with some of the most funny, interesting, moving and fascinating tales from both the gentleman who have seen this game from either side of the fences.
Thoroughly entertaining to read with my favourite ones being Gary's story when he shat himself on the football ground and the the time when Gazza stayed over at Danny's house.
If you're expecting this to be a technical recounting and analysis of the game then maybe you wanna give this a skip. This book is for all of the fans who love the drama, the comedy and the emotions of the game.
April 12, 2020
A bombastic joyous step-down football memory lane. A tie in with their brilliant Podcast, Danny Baker and Gary Lineker, give us football memories than span through the years (the Gazza stuff alone is superb!). With Danny's excellent ability for delivering information and Gary's football knowledge the pair translate from the podcast to book tremendously. A delight to read for fans of football - and possibly for those who aren't!
November 23, 2019
Very entertaining, would have been five stars but for the fact that if you have listened to the podcasts, you’ve heard most of the stories.
February 18, 2025
Adores this an audiobook. Funny. Light hearted and enjoyable beyond belief. I don’t think you to be a football fan to enjoy this. Both of them are absolute national treasures. Helps that they read it- can’t listen to an audiobook without the author reading it for some reason
April 7, 2020
I feel it is important to open with a statement. I haven't listened to the podcast this book was born from. There I've said it. It isn't much of a revelation, I generally don't listen to podcasts anyway. Not out of any dislike for them - there's one or two that I dip into every now and again but I have all but given up hope of ever catching up with them. What does this all mean for the review? Well one thing really, at the start of the book it is revealed that some information is new to the book, while some are stories they have discussed previously in the podcast. So by not listening to the podcast EVERYTHING was new. I like that.
I find that recently every time I am reading a memoir or non-fiction book that I choose to listen on audio, especially when the narration is done by the author. Here the audiobook is narrated by both Gary and Danny in (mostly) alternating chapters, and I think it probably added a lot to the story.
Over the course of almost 8 hours Gary and Danny regale us with tales of football as a player and as a fan.
Gary brings us some of the highlights from his career, including "poogate" (is that a highlight or a lowlight I wonder?). During the course of a career which included stints at various clubs in the UK as well as with Barcelona in Spain and Nagoya Grampus Eight in Japan, Gary earned a number of honours, but unfortunately not the league or World Cup. He is one of very few players to have never received a single red or yellow card in his career - earning him a reputation of Mr. Nice Guy, although through the course of the book we learn one or two things that he might not get away with these days. Once we get beyond his playing days he also talks about how he became a pundit, and later a TV presenter. These sections are somehow more interesting to me, perhaps because I remember very little of Gary's playing career, he moved to Japan when I was 7 and retired two years later, so he wasn't exactly around when I was paying attention to the game. I found the sections with Gary very interesting, but also incredibly funny. He certainly knows how to laugh at himself, but also has one or two jokes at the expense of former colleagues.
For me though the real gems come from Danny. He tells stories from the viewpoint of a true football fan. It is clear to see that he has a great love of the game. He speaks quite often about his beloved MIllwall, and how he came to support them, and I listened with a certain jealousy. To have such strong ties to a team from birth seems amazing to me. As mentioned, I think his sections are the best part of the book, and he had me in tears of laughter at various points. I especially enjoyed his tale of hitching to Italia 90 and his other work during the world cups - although I can't agree with his opinion on Vuvuzelas.
All in all, I loved this book. Of course, my opinion is largely skewed by my love of football, so I'm not sure how much there is here for you if you don't like the sport. I definitely recommend it to other fans though.
I find that recently every time I am reading a memoir or non-fiction book that I choose to listen on audio, especially when the narration is done by the author. Here the audiobook is narrated by both Gary and Danny in (mostly) alternating chapters, and I think it probably added a lot to the story.
Over the course of almost 8 hours Gary and Danny regale us with tales of football as a player and as a fan.
Gary brings us some of the highlights from his career, including "poogate" (is that a highlight or a lowlight I wonder?). During the course of a career which included stints at various clubs in the UK as well as with Barcelona in Spain and Nagoya Grampus Eight in Japan, Gary earned a number of honours, but unfortunately not the league or World Cup. He is one of very few players to have never received a single red or yellow card in his career - earning him a reputation of Mr. Nice Guy, although through the course of the book we learn one or two things that he might not get away with these days. Once we get beyond his playing days he also talks about how he became a pundit, and later a TV presenter. These sections are somehow more interesting to me, perhaps because I remember very little of Gary's playing career, he moved to Japan when I was 7 and retired two years later, so he wasn't exactly around when I was paying attention to the game. I found the sections with Gary very interesting, but also incredibly funny. He certainly knows how to laugh at himself, but also has one or two jokes at the expense of former colleagues.
For me though the real gems come from Danny. He tells stories from the viewpoint of a true football fan. It is clear to see that he has a great love of the game. He speaks quite often about his beloved MIllwall, and how he came to support them, and I listened with a certain jealousy. To have such strong ties to a team from birth seems amazing to me. As mentioned, I think his sections are the best part of the book, and he had me in tears of laughter at various points. I especially enjoyed his tale of hitching to Italia 90 and his other work during the world cups - although I can't agree with his opinion on Vuvuzelas.
All in all, I loved this book. Of course, my opinion is largely skewed by my love of football, so I'm not sure how much there is here for you if you don't like the sport. I definitely recommend it to other fans though.
February 22, 2020
I’m a fan of the podcast and got given this book for Christmas. I’m definitely more Danny than Gary in terms of football reference points and experiences. Much as I like them both, one can’t help feeling Danny is the one with the stack of funnier and more original stories. It feels like Gary’s sections have pretty much been transcribed by someone else from stories he has already told the podcast and were pretty well known anyway. Danny’s contain some original touches and twists (I think). Also Danny’s recipe sounds the best by a country mile.
December 23, 2019
Very funny book. I’m a big fan of the podcast. A lot of the stories in the book also appear in the podcast. Each chapter is a separate football topic. Plus a bonus mini cookbook at the end. Some of the chapters do drag on a little. All in all enjoyable, especially for football fans.
Do you want to know the real story behind Poogate? This is the book for you!
Do you want to know the real story behind Poogate? This is the book for you!
November 13, 2019
Probably bias because i love football and the podcast but for me it was entertaining from start to finish.
November 26, 2019
Great read ... various tales to keep you entertained
January 9, 2020
How can you go wrong with one of the world's greatest raconteurs and the man who won the Golden Boot at the 1986 World Cup?
January 19, 2020
Enjoyable and interesting.
February 28, 2020
I must listen to the Podcast and I hope its as fun as this book was.
December 27, 2021
Book Review - Behind Closed Doors
As a Kiwi, I’m obviously into Rugby - absolutely not into football at all - so how on earth did I stumble across this little gem of literary hi jinks?
Originally, I had developed a vague sort of celebrity crush on Gary Lineker, by spotting him on the telly somewhere, in all his suave ‘silver foxery’ & thinking - oooh Ding Dong……who’s that!!, followed by the deflating realisation he was just one of those over paid, poncy footballers who have managed to glamorously lounge about in retirement & milk their early fleeting fame well into their senior years.
He appeared before me again, following a jaw droppingly astounding segment on This Morning, involving the lovingly maternal partner of a fully functioning adult male, demonstrating her undying love & devotion by allowing him to breast feed on demand from her person. An impossible act to follow, but I remained attentive in the stunned aftermath, as Gary ploughed on to plug his new book coauthored with Danny Baker (who the f**k is he??) based on their, apparently, roaringly successful podcast.
Having ‘tail coated’ my attention, I felt the surprising compulsion to check out this ‘podcast’ to see what all the fuss was about, only to mirthfully discover this loosely touted ‘football’ related recording was indeed just a vehicle for a ‘girly gossip’ session, situated in the ‘man cave’ of Gary’s kitchen, complete with must have recipe of the week, as he struggled ‘manfully’ to get a word in edgewise around the cascade of hilarious and elaborate, random topic changing musings of the enigmatic ‘gossip queen’ of them all, this Danny Baker that I had no previous clue of before.
Well - I was hooked!!! & just had to get this book - & as it turned out, was the best £3.49 Amazon purchase of the entire year!
The book, as a complete front, allows an even more extensive leeway into the shark infested, perilous, estrogen fuelled realms of the gossip under world……..& really, given the tantalising taster of recipes at its rear, is just a prelude to what is inevitably coming in the expected form of ‘Gary’s Handy Home Cooking Hints for Fabulous Failsafe Show Stopping (gossip infused) Dinner Parties’.
For me, this was the absolute tonic I most needed as, at this particular time, I was moodily & murderously adjusting to the new HRT regime that had just been prescribed - but I kid you not - the first deep down, fully mirthful belly laughs, in what seems like a jail sentence worth of time, joyfully spouted forth over the course of this book’s indulgence. A full endorsement to its function as a complete menopausal symptom reliever.
In the course of my journey through the pages, however, my new celebrity crush has now fully & firmly transferred to the sparkling, charming, mercurial wit of that Fabulous Baker Boy, the one & only (formerly unknown to me) Danny. The only thing that now remains on my bucket list of the truly longed for, but just out of reach of my grasp, is to actually attend, live & in person, a Millwall game, at the (new) Den, with Danny himself.
I can only but wait & dream.
Trisha Waugh (Wiltshire)
As a Kiwi, I’m obviously into Rugby - absolutely not into football at all - so how on earth did I stumble across this little gem of literary hi jinks?
Originally, I had developed a vague sort of celebrity crush on Gary Lineker, by spotting him on the telly somewhere, in all his suave ‘silver foxery’ & thinking - oooh Ding Dong……who’s that!!, followed by the deflating realisation he was just one of those over paid, poncy footballers who have managed to glamorously lounge about in retirement & milk their early fleeting fame well into their senior years.
He appeared before me again, following a jaw droppingly astounding segment on This Morning, involving the lovingly maternal partner of a fully functioning adult male, demonstrating her undying love & devotion by allowing him to breast feed on demand from her person. An impossible act to follow, but I remained attentive in the stunned aftermath, as Gary ploughed on to plug his new book coauthored with Danny Baker (who the f**k is he??) based on their, apparently, roaringly successful podcast.
Having ‘tail coated’ my attention, I felt the surprising compulsion to check out this ‘podcast’ to see what all the fuss was about, only to mirthfully discover this loosely touted ‘football’ related recording was indeed just a vehicle for a ‘girly gossip’ session, situated in the ‘man cave’ of Gary’s kitchen, complete with must have recipe of the week, as he struggled ‘manfully’ to get a word in edgewise around the cascade of hilarious and elaborate, random topic changing musings of the enigmatic ‘gossip queen’ of them all, this Danny Baker that I had no previous clue of before.
Well - I was hooked!!! & just had to get this book - & as it turned out, was the best £3.49 Amazon purchase of the entire year!
The book, as a complete front, allows an even more extensive leeway into the shark infested, perilous, estrogen fuelled realms of the gossip under world……..& really, given the tantalising taster of recipes at its rear, is just a prelude to what is inevitably coming in the expected form of ‘Gary’s Handy Home Cooking Hints for Fabulous Failsafe Show Stopping (gossip infused) Dinner Parties’.
For me, this was the absolute tonic I most needed as, at this particular time, I was moodily & murderously adjusting to the new HRT regime that had just been prescribed - but I kid you not - the first deep down, fully mirthful belly laughs, in what seems like a jail sentence worth of time, joyfully spouted forth over the course of this book’s indulgence. A full endorsement to its function as a complete menopausal symptom reliever.
In the course of my journey through the pages, however, my new celebrity crush has now fully & firmly transferred to the sparkling, charming, mercurial wit of that Fabulous Baker Boy, the one & only (formerly unknown to me) Danny. The only thing that now remains on my bucket list of the truly longed for, but just out of reach of my grasp, is to actually attend, live & in person, a Millwall game, at the (new) Den, with Danny himself.
I can only but wait & dream.
Trisha Waugh (Wiltshire)
August 29, 2021
I have listened to the podcast on and off as it isn't one of my favourites, and I don't really feel an affinity to either of them, Lineker's general smugness and his jokes being signposted well in advance while Baker is too close to the Talksport controversial opinion holder trope. It's not that I think either is being disingenuous but I just don't particularly like either of their styles. Both write at they speak but they also had some interesting things to say, as in the podcast, which is why I am still tempted to listen in.
Based on similar tie-ins I had expected there to be a lot of whitespace but actually both had made significant contributions to the book and it was fairly easy to read. Lineker's input was autobiographical and Baker's mostly wider reflections but while distinct their two styles worked well in tandem. Lineker's anecdotes about Bobby Robson or Terry Venables were insightful and Baker was frank about Gazza - although his sympathetic portrait was still unconvincing, as though boredom excuses antisocial behaviour. There was also more light-hearted stuff about modern football, or his involvement with Millwall when younger trying to get autographs or going on away days.
It largely had a light-entertainment feel, but their styles still irritated me at times. Lineker did one long set up about silly superstitions to get to the punchline "it's bad luck to talk about that" and I just don't know who would genuinely find that funny, and neither of them made me laugh dispite the testimonials. The second set of picture plates are just photos with famous people, whether they were mentioned in the text or not. I don't quite get Baker's relationship with football, both emotionally invested in the result but fairly uncaring about the game itself. I wonder why he even travelled to away games when it seems like he could have had more fun at the pub than in a football ground.
At least the book didn't includes made-up stores from listeners and there was enough personality to make it 'their' book - but I'm not a huge fan of either personality so it wasn't any better than decent for me. At least it was nice and readable, and would be even if you didn't have a huge interest in football.
Based on similar tie-ins I had expected there to be a lot of whitespace but actually both had made significant contributions to the book and it was fairly easy to read. Lineker's input was autobiographical and Baker's mostly wider reflections but while distinct their two styles worked well in tandem. Lineker's anecdotes about Bobby Robson or Terry Venables were insightful and Baker was frank about Gazza - although his sympathetic portrait was still unconvincing, as though boredom excuses antisocial behaviour. There was also more light-hearted stuff about modern football, or his involvement with Millwall when younger trying to get autographs or going on away days.
It largely had a light-entertainment feel, but their styles still irritated me at times. Lineker did one long set up about silly superstitions to get to the punchline "it's bad luck to talk about that" and I just don't know who would genuinely find that funny, and neither of them made me laugh dispite the testimonials. The second set of picture plates are just photos with famous people, whether they were mentioned in the text or not. I don't quite get Baker's relationship with football, both emotionally invested in the result but fairly uncaring about the game itself. I wonder why he even travelled to away games when it seems like he could have had more fun at the pub than in a football ground.
At least the book didn't includes made-up stores from listeners and there was enough personality to make it 'their' book - but I'm not a huge fan of either personality so it wasn't any better than decent for me. At least it was nice and readable, and would be even if you didn't have a huge interest in football.
December 7, 2020
July 1, 1990. My family was living in in England and I was attending a summer program with my Wake Forest MBA school at St Peters College, Oxford. England was competing in the World Cup in Italy and made the quarter finals against unlikely upstart Cameroon. My classmates and I decided to go watch at a local pub and pull for England with the locals. We arrived early, but we surprised how few people were there. We were further surprised that upon England scoring, we were the only ones cheering in the pub, only to realize we were in an Irish pub and they were pulling for Cameroon.
Gary Lineker was the English hero of that game and that tournament for England. He has a long history of amazing play and experience having been in the "Hand of God" world Cup game vs Maradona, time with my favorite team, Tottenham Hotspur, Barcelona, Leicester....... He is a famous English footballer and quite a sense of humor. He has teamed up with a seasoned journalist (born Millwall fan) with a sense of humor as well on a podcast and this book. I compare Lineker's humor to Peyton Manning for an American football analogy.
Great read, good humor, fascinating stories. I am intereste din teh podcast now and perhaps other books by this duo.
Great line: 'Football is a simple game. 22 players chase a ball for 90 minutes, and at the end the Germans always win.'
Fun worthwhile read for any soccer (football) fan.
Gary Lineker was the English hero of that game and that tournament for England. He has a long history of amazing play and experience having been in the "Hand of God" world Cup game vs Maradona, time with my favorite team, Tottenham Hotspur, Barcelona, Leicester....... He is a famous English footballer and quite a sense of humor. He has teamed up with a seasoned journalist (born Millwall fan) with a sense of humor as well on a podcast and this book. I compare Lineker's humor to Peyton Manning for an American football analogy.
Great read, good humor, fascinating stories. I am intereste din teh podcast now and perhaps other books by this duo.
Great line: 'Football is a simple game. 22 players chase a ball for 90 minutes, and at the end the Germans always win.'
Fun worthwhile read for any soccer (football) fan.
February 16, 2023
1st non-fiction book I have read.
I don't normally read non-fiction books but this one was lent to me by a friend. I am a football lover so thought I would give it a go. I did enjoy it and it was very humorous in parts as Danny Baker and Gary Linekar are both funny men in their own way. Each told stories of episodes of their lives one as an international footballer and later broadcaster the other as a football fan and broadcaster. The stories are about memorable times in both their lives. A good read if you like a sports book with a bit of lighthearted banter.
G
I don't normally read non-fiction books but this one was lent to me by a friend. I am a football lover so thought I would give it a go. I did enjoy it and it was very humorous in parts as Danny Baker and Gary Linekar are both funny men in their own way. Each told stories of episodes of their lives one as an international footballer and later broadcaster the other as a football fan and broadcaster. The stories are about memorable times in both their lives. A good read if you like a sports book with a bit of lighthearted banter.
G
February 21, 2021
4 stars. Very enjoyable audiobook, with Gary Lineker looking back at his career (mostly as a player but concluding with his current incarnation as MOTD host), and Danny Baker his life as a fan. Lineker's is the more interesting story, but Baker is an always excellent raconteur and tells some great tales. Definitely worth a listen/read for footy fans.
September 20, 2021
I can't get enough of Danny Baker. His writing and reading of those words is lyrical and funny. I'm not sure if he wrote the Gary Lineker passages, but they were just as good and well recounted. This was a great book for those like me, who want wit and humourous anecdotes on a gentler scale than the all out assault on your ears of some biographies.
August 23, 2020
Half of it is a fun memoir, the other half is entertaining anecdotes from a top broadcaster and fan. A good piece of brand extension from Gary, and a perfect distillation of the successful podcast. Expect more books commissioned off podcasts in the 2020s.
June 26, 2021
First of all, I have never listened to any of the podcasts. Actually I don't listen to podcasts at all. Secondly this was amusing at times and a bit dull at times, pretty much what I expected so I wasn't disappointed. Still worth a read on the toilet. It was okay.
September 2, 2020
Gary Lineker is a real Leicester hero, so I enjoyed finding out a bit more about his life and career. I skipped the Danny Baker chapters.
September 9, 2020
Easy holiday read.
December 27, 2020
Some funny Gazza stories I hadn’t heard before. A gentle and pleasing read.
February 27, 2021
Didnt enjoy it - was best bits of early days of the podcast but told in a more sterile way. Check out podcast for better version/more authentic voice
June 12, 2021
It was ok. I was expecting something a little funnier and insightful
November 28, 2021
It was fun an off shoot of the podcast they did. Baker is Baker and I find him fun Lineker is more considered .
March 11, 2023
A good read.
Enjoyed it. Easy to read and contains some amusing anecdotes. I especially liked it when Danny Baker mentions his dad.
Enjoyed it. Easy to read and contains some amusing anecdotes. I especially liked it when Danny Baker mentions his dad.
March 24, 2023
Not bad as an audiobook, but lacked spark.
October 16, 2023
Amiable and intermittently amusing football stories listened to on Audible to help a car journey or two.
August 20, 2024
Was better than I was expecting, one of the funnier football books I've read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews