The Confident Child

by Terri Apter

Raising confident, motivated, and caring children is a parent's greatest challenge. Drawing on her own extensive research on children and parents, and on the concept of emotional intelligence which Daniel Goleman brought to public attention in his groundbreaking and best-selling book Emotional Intelligence, Terri Apter has created a strategy based on emotional coaching - learning to respond appropriately to a child's feelings - for parents to promote self-esteem in children. In an accessible style, with down-to-earth examples of children's lives in the family and in school, Apter shows parents how to raise a child to solve problems, to be socially active and understand others, to express feelings appropriately, and to manage emotions - all of which are crucial skills in developing confidence.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

270 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1997

Reviews

[Cati · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read a lot of "self help" and parenting books, and usually wind up disappointed because while the authors have great intentions, they fail at connecting the dots between general problem areas and tangible actions and/or solutions the reader can apply in her daily life.

The Confident Child has a lot of detail about different confidence deflaters in children, as well as more general confidence issues can have. For each issue, the author uses real life examples of children she has helped, and examples of what the child's parents could do to help the child articulate the problem they're having and work through it. She also provides a lot of helpful scenarios where the parent's actions aren't helpful, or are even more harmful to the child's confidence when they're in the throws of a meltdown.

It seemed a little long, but it was helpful, so it was a win for me.

[Greg Metcalf · Rating 5 out of 5]

Self-esteem is so tenuous. I was amazed by some of the things that don't nurse a child's self-esteem, such as disagreeing when a child isn't satisfied with a drawing they did. It would seem, intuitively, like that would build self-esteem, but the child loses confidence in her ability to assess what she did. My main take away from this book would be that a parent should be an active listener. Kids want to be heard and they have to know they're being heard to feel valued. There are numerous examples of what a parent should or shouldn't say to a child, which are worth reading through, but I imagine would be dizzying to think you have to keep track of. Which you don't have to. There are a few heartbreaker quotes from kids with low self-esteem. "Sometimes I watch the clock to see how much time passes before anyone notices me." is one I won't forget. I'm not a parent, I read the book as research, but I picked up some good skills for maintaining my own self-esteem. Another big take away, self-esteem is gained through recognizing a connection between effort and results, which I like. The results are less important than the connection.

[Tara Schaafsma · Rating 3 out of 5]

It seemed fine if you haven't read any parenting books before, but it pretty much reiterates most. Be firm but give a reason for your rules/actions. Don't be too permissive, etc. And then it describes different ways the kid might act out low self-esteem. If your kids are already okay, it's not really applicable.

[Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the few parenting books that I could truly relate to. Not only it described my child's feelings at the moments of conflict, it acknowledged my own and addressed ways to first change my perspective to make a real impact on my child's behavior. Very grateful to have found this book!

[MD · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is by far and away one of the best books I've read in a long time. Highly recommend it for any parent.

[Sarah Grass · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5. Loved this book! There are no short cuts in parenting. A great complement to Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.

[Greta G · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Confident Child

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good, in-depth information and advise.