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I Am Jessica: A Survivor’s Powerful Story of Healing and Hope
A SHOCKING 1989 QUADRUPLE FAMILY MURDER AND THE LITTLE GIRL LEFT BEHIND TO TELL THE STORY.
As a child, I was known as "Jessica Pelley." When I was nine, I went to a sleepover at a friend's house for the weekend. While I was away, my entire family was murdered. I would spend the next 30 years fighting, crawling, and clawing my way through the darkness. This wasn't just a national news headline, a cold case, or a true crime show. It was my family. And my life. I was the broken little girl left behind to tell this story. I am now "Jessi," in the pages of this unapologetic memoir, set free.
***
JESSI - APRIL 29, 2016
April 29, 1989.
A date I cannot forget.
Numbers forever seared deep into my soul.
It was 27 years ago, today. Jesus. Get a grip, Jessi. They’re just numbers. They don’t mean anything. You’re giving them power over you, again. That’s what I tell myself. But the numbers—those damn numbers—they haunt me. They always will. I cannot escape them. Not now. Not ever.
For most people, dates are just numbers on a calendar. No big deal. Random markers of time affixed to the top left corner of small, white squares on a page to depict days filled with choices, chances, and opportunities. At least that’s what they are for the normal people. But I’m no longer one of them. For me, they serve as numeric reminders of the girl I used to be.
A tragedy that would irrevocably and mercilessly alter the life of a little girl wearing dark blue jeans, canvas lace-up sneakers, and a white tee shirt, accessorized by prominent coke bottle glasses, her hair hanging in a messy bob. Her life would be forever dismantled. Gone. The moment they told me the words. The ones that I will never forget. At that moment, my life froze and shattered into pieces, splintering like bits of broken glass, dropping down onto the ground around me, like the remnants of a cracked windshield, falling fast before the spinning mind and broken heart of a wide-eyed little girl.
Life, as I knew it, was over in that moment. What happened on April 29, 1989, has scarred me forever. A day that started out normally, before it became ensnared in marred memories, tucked between folds of tragedy and darkness. The lingering memories cut straight to the core of the hollow girl left behind.
The darkness delivers itself to me, every year, on schedule. Steadily. Greedily. On the 29th day of April. Relentless. Haunting. It taunts the pieces of me that remain. Every single year.
I try to lift myself out of the darkness. I tell myself the numbers shouldn’t matter. Not after 27 years have passed. Jessi, It’s just another day. You can do anything you want with it. Don’t slip into the darkness. But not even the voice in my head believes those lies I tell myself. Year after year, my happiness recoils, my thoughts run to a dark place filled with foggy memories and a void that swallows me whole. The door of despair opens and I’m alone, numb to the bone, emotionally deplete, void of all reality, space, and time. I hate the helplessness as I slip further into that dark place. A place that, long ago, was filled with light. A place where three little girls would sing happy songs, pick flowers, hold hands while skipping through tall blades of grass, and sit down at the dining room table, where they would bow their heads to pray before plates filled with food, in a home filled with laughter. Then it hits me—the life-defining, self-inflicted images of horror—of their final moments—dragging me deep into the darkness. A place I would dwell for days, weeks, and months, turned into years.
Twenty-seven years ago . . . and I’m still counting. It’s clear. I’m forever damaged. There is no escape. There is only here. Only now. I hear the songs and laughter. I remember the little girls. The swinging, the playing, the happiness. And then I realize it’s all gone.
But I’m still here . . .
As a child, I was known as "Jessica Pelley." When I was nine, I went to a sleepover at a friend's house for the weekend. While I was away, my entire family was murdered. I would spend the next 30 years fighting, crawling, and clawing my way through the darkness. This wasn't just a national news headline, a cold case, or a true crime show. It was my family. And my life. I was the broken little girl left behind to tell this story. I am now "Jessi," in the pages of this unapologetic memoir, set free.
***
JESSI - APRIL 29, 2016
April 29, 1989.
A date I cannot forget.
Numbers forever seared deep into my soul.
It was 27 years ago, today. Jesus. Get a grip, Jessi. They’re just numbers. They don’t mean anything. You’re giving them power over you, again. That’s what I tell myself. But the numbers—those damn numbers—they haunt me. They always will. I cannot escape them. Not now. Not ever.
For most people, dates are just numbers on a calendar. No big deal. Random markers of time affixed to the top left corner of small, white squares on a page to depict days filled with choices, chances, and opportunities. At least that’s what they are for the normal people. But I’m no longer one of them. For me, they serve as numeric reminders of the girl I used to be.
A tragedy that would irrevocably and mercilessly alter the life of a little girl wearing dark blue jeans, canvas lace-up sneakers, and a white tee shirt, accessorized by prominent coke bottle glasses, her hair hanging in a messy bob. Her life would be forever dismantled. Gone. The moment they told me the words. The ones that I will never forget. At that moment, my life froze and shattered into pieces, splintering like bits of broken glass, dropping down onto the ground around me, like the remnants of a cracked windshield, falling fast before the spinning mind and broken heart of a wide-eyed little girl.
Life, as I knew it, was over in that moment. What happened on April 29, 1989, has scarred me forever. A day that started out normally, before it became ensnared in marred memories, tucked between folds of tragedy and darkness. The lingering memories cut straight to the core of the hollow girl left behind.
The darkness delivers itself to me, every year, on schedule. Steadily. Greedily. On the 29th day of April. Relentless. Haunting. It taunts the pieces of me that remain. Every single year.
I try to lift myself out of the darkness. I tell myself the numbers shouldn’t matter. Not after 27 years have passed. Jessi, It’s just another day. You can do anything you want with it. Don’t slip into the darkness. But not even the voice in my head believes those lies I tell myself. Year after year, my happiness recoils, my thoughts run to a dark place filled with foggy memories and a void that swallows me whole. The door of despair opens and I’m alone, numb to the bone, emotionally deplete, void of all reality, space, and time. I hate the helplessness as I slip further into that dark place. A place that, long ago, was filled with light. A place where three little girls would sing happy songs, pick flowers, hold hands while skipping through tall blades of grass, and sit down at the dining room table, where they would bow their heads to pray before plates filled with food, in a home filled with laughter. Then it hits me—the life-defining, self-inflicted images of horror—of their final moments—dragging me deep into the darkness. A place I would dwell for days, weeks, and months, turned into years.
Twenty-seven years ago . . . and I’m still counting. It’s clear. I’m forever damaged. There is no escape. There is only here. Only now. I hear the songs and laughter. I remember the little girls. The swinging, the playing, the happiness. And then I realize it’s all gone.
But I’m still here . . .
518 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 29, 2019
284 people are currently reading
1023 people want to read
About the author
Jamie Collins
2 books35 followersJAMIE COLLINS is an award-winning author with a calling to tell the remarkable stories of trauma survivors and the founder of Bold Whisper Books. She made her publishing debut in 2019 with "I Am Jessica," a true crime memoir of a woman who, at the age of nine, came home to discover that her entire family had been murdered while she was away for the night at a sleepover. Jamie has appeared on "48 Hours" and "The Dr. Oz Show" to talk about Jessica’s story and the journey of writing her book, which was featured on the documentary television series "Evil Lives Here" as well as in a variety of news articles and on numerous podcasts. She also has a rewarding day job as a litigation paralegal and enjoys spending time with her husband and teenage son. To learn more, visit jamiecollinswrites.com.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 58 reviews
May 4, 2019
One of the best books I've ever read. A raw look at trauma and a life time of recovery.
May 10, 2019
#FirstLine ~ My name is Jamie Collins.
WOW, just WOW. This book is something special. It is one of those memoirs that will stick with me FOREVER! I cannot really form a good review because I am still reeling from this wonderfully fleshed out memoir that is different from any other memoir I have read. All I can say is...READ IT!
WOW, just WOW. This book is something special. It is one of those memoirs that will stick with me FOREVER! I cannot really form a good review because I am still reeling from this wonderfully fleshed out memoir that is different from any other memoir I have read. All I can say is...READ IT!
Read
April 29, 2019I Could. Not. Put. The. Book. Down. It was unlike any other book I have ever read. From the very first page I felt like I was inside the character in each chapter as they described themselves and their feelings. Although I had been told first hand by the author herself that the book was written in hopes of helping others, I was not prepared to be pulled in and out of the pages healing bits and pieces of my own emotional scars in MY personal journey in this thing we call life. Captivating, compelling with unexpected, but welcomed healing.
October 10, 2020
What a horrific tragedy to happen to such a young girl. What Jessi has dealt with in her life is remarkable and I commend her for her bravery and ability to overcome. While this is not an easy book to read (and to be honest, true crime is not a normal genre for me) I was cheering Jessi on and hoping she would get the help she had been searching for.
That being said, there was a lot of repetition and stilted-type language here, which prevented me from giving it 5 stars.
That being said, there was a lot of repetition and stilted-type language here, which prevented me from giving it 5 stars.
October 1, 2020
Have you ever experienced a tragedy? Well let me tell you a little about this book I read, “I Am Jessica: One little girl, four tragic.” Jessica went through a heartbreaking tragedy at age 9. The day before the incident it was just a normal morning for her, she had just had a sleepover at a friends house the night of the incident. As she was on her way home, she looked out the window and saw lots of people around her house and police cars and a bright yellow crime scene tape going all around her house. She wasn’t sure what had happened she was just confused about the situation, she just had thought maybe her dog had died. As the mother of the friend she stayed the night with pulled to the side and stepped outside to talk to police, Jessica saw the mother start to cry which she thought was odd, she said “She looks visibly shaken. How could she be so upset, when she didn’t even know my dog? She never even met Major.” Jessica then starts to realize her family isn’t out there, she doesn’t see them. The friend's mother goes to Jessica and says “ Jessica, your mom, your stepdad, and your sisters are not here anymore.” Only you can imagine the emotions of how Jessica, the 9 year old girl felt once she heard that. As years passed by she was still traumatized. April 29, 1989 is the day she will always remember, it had caused her pain throughout life, for years now her family’s murder was still unsolved. As you get more into the book you will see how she grows from this. I absolutely enjoyed reading this book, I would recommend this book, especially for those who have gone through hard, tragic times at one point in their life or even if you are interested in real life crime situations.
March 12, 2019
Powerful. Riveting.
Jamie Collins weaves a captivating tapestry, ‘speaking’ in the voices of those impacted by her family’s darkest day.
I Am Jessica isn’t a crime story or a sensationalized retelling of a horrific event. It is a deeply personal and emotional journey through 30 years of trauma and loss told from multiple perspectives. It opens the reader’s eyes and heart to the ripples of loss and damage - seen and unseen – experienced by Jessi/Jessica and those around her.
Jessica is blessed to have Jamie in her life to help her, her friends and family, and, yes, even the reader, heal and grow by sharing the narrative.
Jamie Collins weaves a captivating tapestry, ‘speaking’ in the voices of those impacted by her family’s darkest day.
I Am Jessica isn’t a crime story or a sensationalized retelling of a horrific event. It is a deeply personal and emotional journey through 30 years of trauma and loss told from multiple perspectives. It opens the reader’s eyes and heart to the ripples of loss and damage - seen and unseen – experienced by Jessi/Jessica and those around her.
Jessica is blessed to have Jamie in her life to help her, her friends and family, and, yes, even the reader, heal and grow by sharing the narrative.
October 26, 2019
I am Jessica is a emotional journey through a survivors eyes based on real life tragedy. Told in journal style story telling, it relives the events that altered a young girl's life and how those events affected her through maturity. It illustrates how trauma always stays with us even after it seems to be long gone.
This book does an excellent job of identifying symptoms of PTSD and mental illness by pulling the reader into the mental narrative of the people affected.
This book does an excellent job of identifying symptoms of PTSD and mental illness by pulling the reader into the mental narrative of the people affected.
March 12, 2019
A raw and powerful story masterfully told. I wept for Jessi’s pain and all she has endured, and rejoiced as she rose from the ashes like a phoenix. Jaime shines a brilliant light on Jessi’s heart, mind, and spirit as she takes each step in her journey from horror and pain to hope and redemption.
September 7, 2020
What happened to her was terrible.But this was a very poorly written book
September 12, 2020
This is an amazing book. The journey through trauma towards some measure of healing is inspiring. As others have noted, it could use some editing for length and repetition; that would tighten in up to be an even more powerful read. The author (really, authors: Jamie Collins and Jessica) were wise though to choose to publish independently and keep ownership of the story. I am nothing like Jessica but I could relate to her because of her honest way of sharing her story, her habits, in short - her life.
An unaswered question for me is if she forgave her mother for marrying Bob. At one point in the narrative Jamie wonders about the differing attitude Jessica had towards her mother than her sisters whom she loved more simply. Also, was Bob like other men of the era, with harsher punishments towards his son and his stepdaughters than would be acceptable now? Or was his approach worse than that, along with the potential hypocrisy of becoming a minister? Also, were Jessica's mother and Bob really in love? And, was that the reason for the rushed blending of their families with two sets of children? It seems like a mistake to try to package themselves so neatly in a short time into a new family unit. However, such fast marriages were not uncommon in that time. All in all, I want to thank the authors for bravely telling their story, and I'm lucky that my little library her in Canada had the hardcover on their display shelf.
An unaswered question for me is if she forgave her mother for marrying Bob. At one point in the narrative Jamie wonders about the differing attitude Jessica had towards her mother than her sisters whom she loved more simply. Also, was Bob like other men of the era, with harsher punishments towards his son and his stepdaughters than would be acceptable now? Or was his approach worse than that, along with the potential hypocrisy of becoming a minister? Also, were Jessica's mother and Bob really in love? And, was that the reason for the rushed blending of their families with two sets of children? It seems like a mistake to try to package themselves so neatly in a short time into a new family unit. However, such fast marriages were not uncommon in that time. All in all, I want to thank the authors for bravely telling their story, and I'm lucky that my little library her in Canada had the hardcover on their display shelf.
November 25, 2019
This book is so well written and easy to follow. I loved it! I love true crime. Some might say I am obsessed with it. So, obvi, I was excited to read this book. But y’all. It was real. Is real. And it was a lot harder than I thought to read this TRUE STORY. No longer was it something so far removed from me because it became a thing that I now could feel and see from the person it happened to. Jessica (Jessi) Pelley Toronjo lost her family at the age of 9 when they were tragically taken from her. For years her families murders went unsolved. Jamie Collins is Jessi's cousin and author of I AM JESSICA the book written about Jessi's life story and also the journey that Jessi has been on to reclaim her life and grow from the trauma. I recommend this book to any true crime fan out there, but especially for anyone that has been through tough moments in their lives and needs some help finding a bright light in the world.
November 3, 2020
Great read
This is not my typical reading genre, however knowing the little girl that this book is about personally ( we were in the same 4th grade class) I have always wondered what had happened to her after the tragedies, how she was doing etc etc. This book is so well written that I had trouble putting it down and read it in 2 1/2 days. I won’t spoil anything for anyone but this is a must read!
This is not my typical reading genre, however knowing the little girl that this book is about personally ( we were in the same 4th grade class) I have always wondered what had happened to her after the tragedies, how she was doing etc etc. This book is so well written that I had trouble putting it down and read it in 2 1/2 days. I won’t spoil anything for anyone but this is a must read!
March 29, 2020
I don’t normally write reviews, but this book moved me to do so. It is an excellent book written by Jamie and Jessica documenting a painful story of survival and reclaiming a life nearly destroyed by tragedy. For Jessi/Jessica to bare her soul and reopen her wounds to share her story took a lot of courage and strength. I am a trauma survivor myself having experienced multiple traumas and tragedies with resulting PTSD. Having suffered through years of counselling with multiple counselors I know and understand how painful it is to discuss the source of trauma as it reopens the wounds and brings them back to the surface. I admire and appreciate the strength Jessica has to this. I found myself highlighting multiple areas in the book that truly resonated with me, my feelings and experiences. I found the hope and strength of Jessica documented in the book to be healing. The book can truly help others, it has me.
May 15, 2021
It feels wrong to say you enjoyed reading a book about a girl whose entire family was brutally murdered. But I did enjoy it. It was so inspiring to see how she has created a wonderful life for herself, despite experiencing an unthinkable childhood trauma.
I learned about this book after listening to podcast about the murders (which happened in Indiana). CounterClock season 3, if you're interested.
I learned about this book after listening to podcast about the murders (which happened in Indiana). CounterClock season 3, if you're interested.
May 22, 2019
I cried for the Jessica I never knew her until now. My name is Marcia Hayes Garcia. I ams
Jessi's grandpa Ed's cousin. I am 84 years old and have just gone through a traumatic event and felt there was no way past it. Jessi's story has been very healing and has answered many questions I had over the years about what happened to Dawn and her children. Thank you Jessi for sharing.
Jessi's grandpa Ed's cousin. I am 84 years old and have just gone through a traumatic event and felt there was no way past it. Jessi's story has been very healing and has answered many questions I had over the years about what happened to Dawn and her children. Thank you Jessi for sharing.
July 15, 2019
Heartbreaking
Touching heart wrenching story of true crime and the long term effects. How do we help those who can’t speak for themselves ? Jessi is a hero! My heart breaks for the little girl and the grown woman.
Touching heart wrenching story of true crime and the long term effects. How do we help those who can’t speak for themselves ? Jessi is a hero! My heart breaks for the little girl and the grown woman.
February 11, 2020
Powerful!
Very well written and an enlightening story for many survivors I would believe. I had met Dawn at a Girl Scout leadership training and had Janel and Jolene in my week long day camp at Walkerton. I had never forgotten any of them. It is their smiles I remembered the most! I do remember Jessica as well although she was in a different unit. This tragedy rocked our community for a very long time. I am so grateful that Jamie and Jessi continue taking this journey together!
Very well written and an enlightening story for many survivors I would believe. I had met Dawn at a Girl Scout leadership training and had Janel and Jolene in my week long day camp at Walkerton. I had never forgotten any of them. It is their smiles I remembered the most! I do remember Jessica as well although she was in a different unit. This tragedy rocked our community for a very long time. I am so grateful that Jamie and Jessi continue taking this journey together!
May 5, 2020
Sad, but has redemption. One of the best books I've ever read.
Read
September 3, 2019Really interesting read.
April 29, 2019
Tragic, yet true story of a small town family brutally murdered in their home. This is truly a compelling read!!! Jessi's story is harsh, raw and heartbreaking and sharing it with the world had to have been one of the most difficult things she has ever done (or likely ever will do). Absolutely riveting!
June 13, 2021
My path from Crime Junkie podcast “The Prom Date Murders” to the 20 part series from Counter Clock Season 3 “The Pelley Family Murders” to this book…what a crazy and sad story….
January 27, 2020
Moving!!!!!!
Absorbed in Jessi's story from the beginning. What a meaningless tragedy that took four lives and ruined numerous others. Jessi has been to help and back.
Absorbed in Jessi's story from the beginning. What a meaningless tragedy that took four lives and ruined numerous others. Jessi has been to help and back.
May 19, 2021
I'm from Indiana and was born in 1981. I just recently found out about these murders and have been reading about them more.
I'll start off by saying anyone interested in this case, I'd highly recommend the podcast CounterClock Season 3. Which goes super in depth on all the evidence.
As for the book, it's a good read. My biggest complaint isn't about Jessi, it's about Jamie, who seems to want to make the book about her and her feelings, she even had to get the last word in the book. I got to the point where I started skipping her chapters. Maybe it's just me.
I also would have liked to read more about the actual case and the evidence and how she came to believing Jeff done it. I'm not saying he did or didn't but all I know is the police botched the investigation from the get go. They never checked body temps, they never checked for rigor mortis or liver mortis. They actually have no clue if the family died at 5PM like the police say or if it was 8, 10 or 12. It seems Jessi spent over a decade certain Bob did it and all of the sudden the cold case unit shows up and says that's not possible, so it had to be Jeff. No mention of the evidence or anything that proved it, other then he was a bully to her.
As for her being certain the gun was there when she left, there's a reason eyewitness testimonies are notoriously unreliable. I'm not saying the gun wasn't there I just find it very odd that she's 100% certain it was there over a decade and a half later. When for that decade and a half, she was certain Bob done it. She mentions Jeff clothes being in the washer, without mentioned the problems with that. The fact that not a single police report actually says who found them or took them out of the washer and that no cop admits to doing it. Or the fact that somehow a paper receipt didn't smear at all or that coins didn't fall out of the pockets. I guess paper receipts were made better back in the 80's.
As for Jeff's statement to friends “I’ll kill you just like I did them” followed by, “I’ll blow your eye out just like I did hers.”, this book is the first time I've ever heard anything about Jeff saying anything like that. But maybe he did, I don't know.
Overall the murder case and evidence aside and apart from most of Jamie's chapters, I found the book a very good read.
I'll start off by saying anyone interested in this case, I'd highly recommend the podcast CounterClock Season 3. Which goes super in depth on all the evidence.
As for the book, it's a good read. My biggest complaint isn't about Jessi, it's about Jamie, who seems to want to make the book about her and her feelings, she even had to get the last word in the book. I got to the point where I started skipping her chapters. Maybe it's just me.
I also would have liked to read more about the actual case and the evidence and how she came to believing Jeff done it. I'm not saying he did or didn't but all I know is the police botched the investigation from the get go. They never checked body temps, they never checked for rigor mortis or liver mortis. They actually have no clue if the family died at 5PM like the police say or if it was 8, 10 or 12. It seems Jessi spent over a decade certain Bob did it and all of the sudden the cold case unit shows up and says that's not possible, so it had to be Jeff. No mention of the evidence or anything that proved it, other then he was a bully to her.
As for her being certain the gun was there when she left, there's a reason eyewitness testimonies are notoriously unreliable. I'm not saying the gun wasn't there I just find it very odd that she's 100% certain it was there over a decade and a half later. When for that decade and a half, she was certain Bob done it. She mentions Jeff clothes being in the washer, without mentioned the problems with that. The fact that not a single police report actually says who found them or took them out of the washer and that no cop admits to doing it. Or the fact that somehow a paper receipt didn't smear at all or that coins didn't fall out of the pockets. I guess paper receipts were made better back in the 80's.
As for Jeff's statement to friends “I’ll kill you just like I did them” followed by, “I’ll blow your eye out just like I did hers.”, this book is the first time I've ever heard anything about Jeff saying anything like that. But maybe he did, I don't know.
Overall the murder case and evidence aside and apart from most of Jamie's chapters, I found the book a very good read.
April 29, 2019
Okay, before I say anything else, let me say that this is probably the best true crime memoir I’ve read, ever. I’ve done my fair share of true crime reading and most of it is, admittedly, sensationalized pseudo-journalism it seems. This is a different kind of book. While so much of the true crime genre focuses on the darkness and negativity of the crimes described, the evil side of human nature, I Am Jessica takes an entirely different route.
Instead of hearing only about the gritty details of the crime, we also hear the other side of the story, which is that the lone survivor of a horrific family murder went on to find hope and heal from what happened to her. Not only that, she worked through the trauma and her story is now helping others who have suffered similar emotional damage. I’ve always been fascinated by psychology and that was something else I LOVED about this story. We learn so much about how severe trauma and PTSD can manifest in certain identity disorders and obsessive-compulsive behavior, and how it’s nearly impossible for sufferers to find therapists and/or resources that can actually help with these things. I Am Jessica didn’t feel like “just” a true crime story, it felt like a big sweeping memoir of a life journey, like I was right there with her as she went away to a sleepover as an innocent nine-year-old girl, and then came back home to find out her entire family had been wiped out. And I like I was also right there with her as she went through her teenage years, not even suspecting how close the real murderer was to her, and struggled to pick up the pieces of her life. And then I was with her again as she became an adult and thought she had put it all behind her only to find all those old demons roaring back to life when she least suspected it.
This book is a wild ride, and it’s not for the faint of heart, but it is, at the core, FULL of love and light and healing and hope. I loved every second of it and will definitely be reading it again. I highly recommend I Am Jessica to anyone who loves true crime, memoir, memoirs about strong, amazing women, psychology, or anything to do with human nature and the human experience. Five stars all the way.
Instead of hearing only about the gritty details of the crime, we also hear the other side of the story, which is that the lone survivor of a horrific family murder went on to find hope and heal from what happened to her. Not only that, she worked through the trauma and her story is now helping others who have suffered similar emotional damage. I’ve always been fascinated by psychology and that was something else I LOVED about this story. We learn so much about how severe trauma and PTSD can manifest in certain identity disorders and obsessive-compulsive behavior, and how it’s nearly impossible for sufferers to find therapists and/or resources that can actually help with these things. I Am Jessica didn’t feel like “just” a true crime story, it felt like a big sweeping memoir of a life journey, like I was right there with her as she went away to a sleepover as an innocent nine-year-old girl, and then came back home to find out her entire family had been wiped out. And I like I was also right there with her as she went through her teenage years, not even suspecting how close the real murderer was to her, and struggled to pick up the pieces of her life. And then I was with her again as she became an adult and thought she had put it all behind her only to find all those old demons roaring back to life when she least suspected it.
This book is a wild ride, and it’s not for the faint of heart, but it is, at the core, FULL of love and light and healing and hope. I loved every second of it and will definitely be reading it again. I highly recommend I Am Jessica to anyone who loves true crime, memoir, memoirs about strong, amazing women, psychology, or anything to do with human nature and the human experience. Five stars all the way.
July 16, 2021
Very Uplifting
I first saw the program "48 Hours" and I had to follow with your book. At 70 years old, I too am a survivor of childhood trauma. I saw therapists over the years, but was either not satisfied with their attempts or totally discouraged when I couldn't either bring myself to be completely open or if I was, they always seemed to stop short in the therapies. You are the FIRST person to discuss and share your experiences with DID. I was in my late 40s before being diagnosed with PTSD. I was actually happy about it, because there was finally a name, something I could find out about. I was then diagnosed with DD. That didn't explain the voices in my head. I had calendars in every room in my house, a clock in every room and a watch on my wrist. I also wore a hair band on my wrist to help me stay in the here and now.
Jessica, you have inspired me and also taught this old dog something new. The part of me that has been liberated is "Max". While I know " Laura" is also a part of me and I focus love and acceptance to her, she is still a terrified little girl. Thank you and Jamie for telling your story. You have helped more than I can ever fully express.
I first saw the program "48 Hours" and I had to follow with your book. At 70 years old, I too am a survivor of childhood trauma. I saw therapists over the years, but was either not satisfied with their attempts or totally discouraged when I couldn't either bring myself to be completely open or if I was, they always seemed to stop short in the therapies. You are the FIRST person to discuss and share your experiences with DID. I was in my late 40s before being diagnosed with PTSD. I was actually happy about it, because there was finally a name, something I could find out about. I was then diagnosed with DD. That didn't explain the voices in my head. I had calendars in every room in my house, a clock in every room and a watch on my wrist. I also wore a hair band on my wrist to help me stay in the here and now.
Jessica, you have inspired me and also taught this old dog something new. The part of me that has been liberated is "Max". While I know " Laura" is also a part of me and I focus love and acceptance to her, she is still a terrified little girl. Thank you and Jamie for telling your story. You have helped more than I can ever fully express.
September 10, 2023
I purchased this book after listening to a true crime podcast, "Counterclock", Season 3, which is based on Jessi's family tragedy and investigation into it.
THIS right here is what a memoir SHOULD BE. It was very well done, and done so in a brilliant manner having the story told from many of the person's involved perspectives and points of view at different times over the years.
It was honest and raw, and in my opinion, quite motivational in some of the descriptions of how and why coping and healing has/had taken place.
I found some profound quotes throughout about who we are, and who we will be, and accepting one's self in all of our "versions"; learning to blend ourselves of now with ourselves of then.
I thought this was brilliant.
THIS right here is what a memoir SHOULD BE. It was very well done, and done so in a brilliant manner having the story told from many of the person's involved perspectives and points of view at different times over the years.
It was honest and raw, and in my opinion, quite motivational in some of the descriptions of how and why coping and healing has/had taken place.
I found some profound quotes throughout about who we are, and who we will be, and accepting one's self in all of our "versions"; learning to blend ourselves of now with ourselves of then.
I thought this was brilliant.
March 4, 2020
I’m am utterly speechless about how amazing this story is and how it spoke to me. A true life story about a 9 year old girl lost everything when her whole family was murdered by her own step-brother all for a night at prom. How she stumbled blind, angry, depressed, and lost through the rest of her many years feeling alone and forgotten by the whole world. How she grew into a beautiful woman (now called Jessi) but couldn’t help herself while lugging the guilt of this horrific tragedy. This was insightful into how pain really is felt. How death really is. How making your life different is a choice when you finally reach out for help and forgive yourself.
February 10, 2024
This book is well written and page turning despite the sorrow that comes with learning of this person's struggles. This book can definitely be a trigger for those with trauma so beware of that, however it is a must read for those that want to truly understand how trauma effects someone. The story of Jessi(ca) in her words, authored by her cousin, gives it so much more than you ever knew of this story. As a true crime junkie I had no idea what I was getting into with this book. It was amazing to step onto the other side and truly understand the gravity of these situations. The dark, dark side that usually comes, and sometimes stays but everyone ignores and certainly no one talks about.
August 31, 2023
Yes, the writing is a little so so in parts and yes, it seems rambling at times. BUT….the story! THIS is why I listen to and read true crime. I’ve heard lots of people complain about true crime and victim’s pain being ‘entertainment’ for some. I have always been fascinated with true crime, how far people will go, what people do to others, and of course all the people left behind. Jessi’s story does not hold back and really shows the reader how this affected the rest of her life and really everyone’s life.
April 30, 2019
I was a Beta Reader of this powerful book about the trauma and the road to recovery. It brought up many emotions (and some memories that were buried deep down.) It's a must read to all who ever came across a trauma survivor or is a survivor and believe that this book should be recommended to all college students, but especially to one who are majoring or minoring in social services, psychology, psychiatry and counseling. This is a true story that will keep its readers up all night.
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