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Trials of Fear #4
Lost in a Moment
One moment in time, one unfortunate accident, and Grayson Brooks’ life changed forever. Not only is he suffering physically, but as each day passes, he’s convinced he’s losing his mind. Terrorized by each passing minute, fighting to get back on track, Grayson only succeeds in slipping further into the clutches of his anxiety. He’s convinced time will heal all wounds. But time is his enemy. There is no escape.
Beckett O’Keefe has known Grayson all his life. Best friends to the end, he’s determined to help Grayson recover from his accident. Taking Grayson under his roof while his physical injuries heal seemed like a good idea at the time. But every day, Grayson slips further out of reach, and Beckett struggles to understand what haunts his friend’s mind.
To make matters worse, their close proximity has brought on feelings Beckett can’t understand. Beckett is straight… or so he thought. The heart says one thing. The mind says another. Has Beckett spent thirty years in the dark? Could he be falling for his best friend? Except, Grayson is only a shadow of the man he once was. If Beckett can’t help Grayson get back on track, there may be no future.
Beckett O’Keefe has known Grayson all his life. Best friends to the end, he’s determined to help Grayson recover from his accident. Taking Grayson under his roof while his physical injuries heal seemed like a good idea at the time. But every day, Grayson slips further out of reach, and Beckett struggles to understand what haunts his friend’s mind.
To make matters worse, their close proximity has brought on feelings Beckett can’t understand. Beckett is straight… or so he thought. The heart says one thing. The mind says another. Has Beckett spent thirty years in the dark? Could he be falling for his best friend? Except, Grayson is only a shadow of the man he once was. If Beckett can’t help Grayson get back on track, there may be no future.
262 pages, ebook
First published March 6, 2019
218 people are currently reading
797 people want to read
About the author
Nicky James
75 books2,235 followersI live in the small town of Petrolia, Ontario, Canada and I am a mother to a wonderful teenage boy (didn't think those words could be typed together...surprise) and wife to a truly supportive and understanding husband, who thankfully doesn't think I'm crazy.
I have always had two profound dreams in life. To fall back hundreds of years in time and live in a simpler world, not bogged down by technology and to write novels. Since only one of these was a possibility I decided to make the other come alive on paper.
I write mm romance novels that take place in fantastical medieval type settings and love to use the challenges of the times to give my stories and characters life.
I have always had two profound dreams in life. To fall back hundreds of years in time and live in a simpler world, not bogged down by technology and to write novels. Since only one of these was a possibility I decided to make the other come alive on paper.
I write mm romance novels that take place in fantastical medieval type settings and love to use the challenges of the times to give my stories and characters life.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 231 reviews
December 9, 2019
~4.5~
Have you ever been so engrossed in something, time slipped through your fingers like quicksand? You blink and realize hours have passed. When we're young, days seem to last forever, but as we get older, time speeds up.
After being trapped in his cold and dark basement for 60 hours, Gray lost the lower portion of his right leg and his sense of time. Now he's afraid of the dark and obsessed with clocks. Sometimes time moves so fast, Gray's entire world spins.
Lost in a Moment follows Gray and his best friend Beck, and contains hurt/comfort, best-friends-to-lovers, and bi-for-you themes.
Beck asks Gray to move in with him following Gray's accident so he can care for him. Gray is independent and doesn't want to burden anyone, but it's either his parents or Beck, so he chooses Beck. Never mind that being around his friend, the one he's had a crush on for ages, will be sheer torture.
Oh, and there's only one small bed. Plus, Beck already shares his flat with thousands of antiques and oddities, not to mention the Beatles: John and Paul, the beta fish; George, the mouthy parrot; and Ringo, the murderous cat. "Ringo did it," is George's mantra, and he's usually right.
I mention the Beatles because I love that Nicky James can weave in humor in the middle of an angsty story.
Beck worries about Gray's mood swings and nightmares, but anytime he tries to talk to Gray, Gray deflects. Beck also goes through a crisis of his own as he discovers that he has sexual feelings for his best friend and can't stop thinking about their explosive morning groping.
But before the men can be together, both need to overcome their insecurities and fears. Beck needs to get over his sexual crisis, and Gray must cope with his chronophobia.
This is a fairly steamy book: sensual, erotic, tender. The men have amazing chemistry, and while their journey isn't easy, it leads to a happy ending—not perfect, since phobias aren't cured overnight and Gray has to learn to live as an amputee—but HOPEFUL.
This book is a complete standalone, but I highly recommend the entire series.
Have you ever been so engrossed in something, time slipped through your fingers like quicksand? You blink and realize hours have passed. When we're young, days seem to last forever, but as we get older, time speeds up.
After being trapped in his cold and dark basement for 60 hours, Gray lost the lower portion of his right leg and his sense of time. Now he's afraid of the dark and obsessed with clocks. Sometimes time moves so fast, Gray's entire world spins.
Lost in a Moment follows Gray and his best friend Beck, and contains hurt/comfort, best-friends-to-lovers, and bi-for-you themes.
Beck asks Gray to move in with him following Gray's accident so he can care for him. Gray is independent and doesn't want to burden anyone, but it's either his parents or Beck, so he chooses Beck. Never mind that being around his friend, the one he's had a crush on for ages, will be sheer torture.
Oh, and there's only one small bed. Plus, Beck already shares his flat with thousands of antiques and oddities, not to mention the Beatles: John and Paul, the beta fish; George, the mouthy parrot; and Ringo, the murderous cat. "Ringo did it," is George's mantra, and he's usually right.
I mention the Beatles because I love that Nicky James can weave in humor in the middle of an angsty story.
Beck worries about Gray's mood swings and nightmares, but anytime he tries to talk to Gray, Gray deflects. Beck also goes through a crisis of his own as he discovers that he has sexual feelings for his best friend and can't stop thinking about their explosive morning groping.
But before the men can be together, both need to overcome their insecurities and fears. Beck needs to get over his sexual crisis, and Gray must cope with his chronophobia.
This is a fairly steamy book: sensual, erotic, tender. The men have amazing chemistry, and while their journey isn't easy, it leads to a happy ending—not perfect, since phobias aren't cured overnight and Gray has to learn to live as an amputee—but HOPEFUL.
This book is a complete standalone, but I highly recommend the entire series.
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September 26, 2022
i was originally excited for this after hearing it had bi-awakening (after reading this, it was more of a gfy, which i know it says on the blurb too, but i came across this through a bi-awakening recs post so that was disappointing. 😭), best friends to lovers and hurt/comfort but tbh... i couldn't connect with Beck at all. not with his character nor the way he acted around the other mc, Grayson. the romance was meh, it definitely felt forced than natural; however, around the 80% mark was when i could tolerate it a bit more compared to the beginning-middle parts but, even then, what's the point if it's not able to capture my attention from the start? i felt so much for Grayson though and what he had to endure. there were so many instances when i just wanted to hug him and i would say he shined in this story the most for me.
May 30, 2022
Audio - 5 +++++ Stars
Story - 5 Stars!!!
My favorite of the series so far!
Story - 5 Stars!!!
My favorite of the series so far!
October 14, 2025
That prologue had me HOOKED! I think Grayson’s mental health challenges, his phobia around time passing, his accident and injuries were all realistically written. I felt for him in with his POV’s.
I didn’t love Beckett and his bi-awakening, he was a bit of a dick a lot of the time and their relationship didn’t make me swoon. I didn’t feel he was a particularly good friend BUT it was pretty hot when they got together and the epilogue was sweet.
Excellent audio performance by Adam Gold.
This is my first book in the series and I’ve read it as a standalone and it fits that bill perfectly. I haven’t encountered any obvious characters who I think are from any of the other books. Im definitely going to check out some more from this series.
I didn’t love Beckett and his bi-awakening, he was a bit of a dick a lot of the time and their relationship didn’t make me swoon. I didn’t feel he was a particularly good friend BUT it was pretty hot when they got together and the epilogue was sweet.
Excellent audio performance by Adam Gold.
This is my first book in the series and I’ve read it as a standalone and it fits that bill perfectly. I haven’t encountered any obvious characters who I think are from any of the other books. Im definitely going to check out some more from this series.
November 17, 2020
4.5 stars
This was my favourite of the series so far!
Unlike the rest of the series, we see the phobia developing throughout the book. We live through the traumatic event with Gray, and the emotional roller-coaster that followed. And that made it more real than the previous books.
“When the clock chimed the hour, I tensed. My attention was pulled to its presence, and the once silent ticking invaded my mind, screaming each second as they passed.”
This should have been too much:
Gay guy in love with his straight best friend for years
Gay virgin
Sexuality freak out
Horrible accident
Amputee
PTSD
Chronophobia
Overbearing mother
Hoarder
But somehow, it all came together in a funny, sweet, hurt-comfort, sexy story. I absolutely loved Beck and Gray. Neither of them were perfect and they both made me want to scream at times.
I loved watching them fall in love.
“I’ve wanted to kiss you for fifteen years. You better speak up now if you don’t want it.” Finding my voice, I was surprised that it came out strong and sure because my insides were shaking. “I think you’ve waited long enough, don’t you?”
❤️❤️❤️
This was my favourite of the series so far!
Unlike the rest of the series, we see the phobia developing throughout the book. We live through the traumatic event with Gray, and the emotional roller-coaster that followed. And that made it more real than the previous books.
“When the clock chimed the hour, I tensed. My attention was pulled to its presence, and the once silent ticking invaded my mind, screaming each second as they passed.”
This should have been too much:
Gay guy in love with his straight best friend for years
Gay virgin
Sexuality freak out
Horrible accident
Amputee
PTSD
Chronophobia
Overbearing mother
Hoarder
But somehow, it all came together in a funny, sweet, hurt-comfort, sexy story. I absolutely loved Beck and Gray. Neither of them were perfect and they both made me want to scream at times.
I loved watching them fall in love.
“I’ve wanted to kiss you for fifteen years. You better speak up now if you don’t want it.” Finding my voice, I was surprised that it came out strong and sure because my insides were shaking. “I think you’ve waited long enough, don’t you?”
❤️❤️❤️
January 14, 2025
Book safety, content warnings, and tropes down below.
I’ve been putting of writing this review because I had to sit with it for a little while. I got super invested in this story immediately and I could barely put it down, even when I wish I could because it was hurting so much. I know this author is angsty, and it was marketed as ‘moderate angst’ while someone else said it was low angst. Apparently what others feel is moderate or low is sky high to me, lol. I would have been fine if the focus stayed on Gray and his recovery, but there was a lot of relationship angst, pretty much from the very start until the epilogue. That is not to say that everything Gray was dealing with didn’t turn angsty, but it’s a different beast and the kind I can handle really well. It just felt like it never once let up, and reading it was draining.
“Beck.” I didn’t turn around. He didn’t ask me to. “Just… If you decide this was a big mistake, I understand. But please…please don’t shut me out. I can forget it ever happened if that’s what you want. But I can’t lose my best friend.”
I am always amazed at how visceral the fear feels in Nicky’s books. She does not shy away from tricky subjects or complicated characters, but she does it so well, most of the time. It’s a balance not many authors can manage.
I’m not a stranger to Nicky’s more assholeish characters, and they usually redeem themselves or are assholes in a more endearing and understandable way (Takoda from The One That Got Away, for example), but I’m afraid I didn’t end up liking Beck all that much, even after the very end. He did not have an easy time either and it’s understandable that he struggled, but there was something about his overall personality that didn’t lend itself to a main character in a romance book (for me). His derogatory comments about women did not help. A former hookup has braces and he comments on her lack of blowjob skills several times throughout, and when he goes on another date with her he tunes her out because she talks a lot, and then thinks about how it makes sense he put her mouth to use last time, so she’d stop talking. I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea. I genuinely considered DNFing at this point, but I was massively invested in Grayson’s story.
A complicated story for sure, and maybe not the perfect fit for me, but this author is so talented and kept me in it anyway.
When the last of my anxiety dripped away, I was left feeling ashamed and alone. Rattled from the experience but empty in my core as though I was missing something vital.
⬇️ Blanket spoiler warning ⬇️
⚠️ Tropes & content tags ⚠️
Best friends to lovers
Bisexual awakening
Forced proximity
Only one bed
Hurt/comfort
Disability rep
Pining
Lifelong crush
Chronophobia (fear of the passing of time)
Tattooed MC
Playboy MC
⚠️ Content warning ⚠️
Details of injury and MC being trapped for several days (on page)
Hospitalization and off-page amputation
Brief references to IVF (MC’s parents)
Dark self-deprecating jokes
Vomiting
Suicidal thoughts and ideation
Anxiety and symptoms of depression
PTSD symptoms
References to child neglect (MC, past)
Mentions of alcoholism and gambling addiction (MC’s parents)
Derogatory comments about woman by MC
Destroying property in anger/during mental episode
Internalized homophobia
Long periods of dissociation (on page)
Physical shoving between MCs
MC detained by police (off page)
Brief mention of friend committing suicide (off page, past, no details)
Explicit sexual content
Alcohol consumption (drinking to deal with trauma)
Panic attacks
Prescription medication (anti-anxiety, anti-depressants)
Using sex as emotional outlet (in unhealthy way)
Obsessive compulsive behavior
Mild dub-con moment: Beck grinds against Gray while asleep, nearly to completion. Gray is awake and does not stop Beck, instead encouraging it.
⚠️Book safety ⚠️
Cheating: No
Other person drama: Yes. Beck sets up date with former hookup in order to get laid (after both have started catching feelings, before hookup with each other). He goes home with her after the date and they grind and make out, but he leaves before it goes further. In general there is quite a lot of talk about hookups with other people.
Beck goes to a gay bar alone at 89%, trying to see if he’s attracted to men other than Gray. The MCs have been together for a while at this point.
Breakup: Sort of, and over a month of separation with minimal contact. Beck also ghosts Grayson for three days after their first hookup.
POV: 1st person, dual
Genre: Contemporary romance
Pairing: M/M
Strict roles or versatile: Versatile
Main characters’ age: 30 and 30
Series: Interconnected standalone
Kindle Unlimited: Yes
Pages: 273
Happy ending: Yes
Fifteen years loving him the wrong way, and fifteen years hating on every girl he introduced me to, talked about, fucked, or made eye contact with. It made me question just what kind of friend I was most days.
“I’m not gay,” I pronounced slowly and with emphasis. “This isn’t happening, Gray. Do you hear me? I was asleep. It wasn’t you I was thinking about.” “Believe me, I know. I accepted that a long time ago.” Fuck him for looking so goddamn defeated and torn up.
You can find most of my reviews on Instagram as well: https://www.instagram.com/booksafety?...
I’ve been putting of writing this review because I had to sit with it for a little while. I got super invested in this story immediately and I could barely put it down, even when I wish I could because it was hurting so much. I know this author is angsty, and it was marketed as ‘moderate angst’ while someone else said it was low angst. Apparently what others feel is moderate or low is sky high to me, lol. I would have been fine if the focus stayed on Gray and his recovery, but there was a lot of relationship angst, pretty much from the very start until the epilogue. That is not to say that everything Gray was dealing with didn’t turn angsty, but it’s a different beast and the kind I can handle really well. It just felt like it never once let up, and reading it was draining.
“Beck.” I didn’t turn around. He didn’t ask me to. “Just… If you decide this was a big mistake, I understand. But please…please don’t shut me out. I can forget it ever happened if that’s what you want. But I can’t lose my best friend.”
I am always amazed at how visceral the fear feels in Nicky’s books. She does not shy away from tricky subjects or complicated characters, but she does it so well, most of the time. It’s a balance not many authors can manage.
I’m not a stranger to Nicky’s more assholeish characters, and they usually redeem themselves or are assholes in a more endearing and understandable way (Takoda from The One That Got Away, for example), but I’m afraid I didn’t end up liking Beck all that much, even after the very end. He did not have an easy time either and it’s understandable that he struggled, but there was something about his overall personality that didn’t lend itself to a main character in a romance book (for me). His derogatory comments about women did not help. A former hookup has braces and he comments on her lack of blowjob skills several times throughout, and when he goes on another date with her he tunes her out because she talks a lot, and then thinks about how it makes sense he put her mouth to use last time, so she’d stop talking. I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea. I genuinely considered DNFing at this point, but I was massively invested in Grayson’s story.
A complicated story for sure, and maybe not the perfect fit for me, but this author is so talented and kept me in it anyway.
When the last of my anxiety dripped away, I was left feeling ashamed and alone. Rattled from the experience but empty in my core as though I was missing something vital.
⬇️ Blanket spoiler warning ⬇️
⚠️ Tropes & content tags ⚠️
Best friends to lovers
Bisexual awakening
Forced proximity
Only one bed
Hurt/comfort
Disability rep
Pining
Lifelong crush
Chronophobia (fear of the passing of time)
Tattooed MC
Playboy MC
⚠️ Content warning ⚠️
Details of injury and MC being trapped for several days (on page)
Hospitalization and off-page amputation
Brief references to IVF (MC’s parents)
Dark self-deprecating jokes
Vomiting
Suicidal thoughts and ideation
Anxiety and symptoms of depression
PTSD symptoms
References to child neglect (MC, past)
Mentions of alcoholism and gambling addiction (MC’s parents)
Derogatory comments about woman by MC
Destroying property in anger/during mental episode
Internalized homophobia
Long periods of dissociation (on page)
Physical shoving between MCs
MC detained by police (off page)
Brief mention of friend committing suicide (off page, past, no details)
Explicit sexual content
Alcohol consumption (drinking to deal with trauma)
Panic attacks
Prescription medication (anti-anxiety, anti-depressants)
Using sex as emotional outlet (in unhealthy way)
Obsessive compulsive behavior
Mild dub-con moment: Beck grinds against Gray while asleep, nearly to completion. Gray is awake and does not stop Beck, instead encouraging it.
⚠️Book safety ⚠️
Cheating: No
Other person drama: Yes. Beck sets up date with former hookup in order to get laid (after both have started catching feelings, before hookup with each other). He goes home with her after the date and they grind and make out, but he leaves before it goes further. In general there is quite a lot of talk about hookups with other people.
Beck goes to a gay bar alone at 89%, trying to see if he’s attracted to men other than Gray. The MCs have been together for a while at this point.
Breakup: Sort of, and over a month of separation with minimal contact. Beck also ghosts Grayson for three days after their first hookup.
POV: 1st person, dual
Genre: Contemporary romance
Pairing: M/M
Strict roles or versatile: Versatile
Main characters’ age: 30 and 30
Series: Interconnected standalone
Kindle Unlimited: Yes
Pages: 273
Happy ending: Yes
Fifteen years loving him the wrong way, and fifteen years hating on every girl he introduced me to, talked about, fucked, or made eye contact with. It made me question just what kind of friend I was most days.
“I’m not gay,” I pronounced slowly and with emphasis. “This isn’t happening, Gray. Do you hear me? I was asleep. It wasn’t you I was thinking about.” “Believe me, I know. I accepted that a long time ago.” Fuck him for looking so goddamn defeated and torn up.
You can find most of my reviews on Instagram as well: https://www.instagram.com/booksafety?...
May 8, 2022
"Beck..." he warned. Another barely there pass over my lips. His other hand touched my face. Fingers rasped over my scruff. "I've wanted to kiss you for fifteen years. You better speak up now if you don't want it."
Finding my voice, I was surprised that it came out strong and sure because my insides were shaking. "I think you've waited long enough, don't you?"
This friends to lovers, gay for you romance book is part of the Trial of fears series, but can perfectly be read as a stand alone. I hadn't read it yet, and when I got the opportunity to listen to the audio version, my honest thoughts were: "Oh, why not?" I've just recently discovered the joy of audio books, but most books I have listened to so far are ones I have already read as an e-book. So with a familiar story and familiar characters, comforting in a way like you feel when doing a re-read of a favorite book. I thought it helped me with keeping engaged, knowing what was coming, and if I was to be a little distracted, that wouldn't bother me since I already knew where the story was going. In short: this was going to be a challenge as well, not knowing the story at all, not having any familiarity with the characters. I needed to make sure I was invested a 100% - no distraction or whatsoever. English is not my mother language, though I have no difficulty reading it or listening to it, but it might ask for a little more concentration.
Anyway, I found myself the perfect moments to listen to this book: while doing boring chores, while going out for a walk, or just before I went to sleep. But I soon discovered that once I started listening, Adam Gold's voice, his way of performing (yes, you read that right: he doesn't just narrate, he PERFORMS!) made it almost impossible to stop listening. He pulled me into the story from the very first moment he started with the prologue, where at some point it sounded like I was listening to a thriller instead of an mm romance. An angsty one, of course, one that involved heavy topics, but the way he made Grayson come to live in that first few pages...it was perfection! I can't call it any different than that.
And of course it's not just Adam Gold's performance - it's also Nicky James's words. The way she can write hurt, grief, anxiety and other discomfortable situations, these moments where her characters are questioning everything they thought they knew, their fears, their uncertainties, their desires - I don't know of many authors who can pull it off the way she does. It's one of the reasons she's on top of my list of favorite authors.
This story is about Grayson and Beckett. They have been best friends for as long as they can remember. Grayson is gay, and has secretly been crushing on Beck since he was about fifteen years old, when he started to realize his feelings for his best friend involved more than just being friends. But Beckett is as straight as they come. He loves women and he loves them plenty. He has hook ups, where Grayson just can't seem to find a guy that can make him forget his feelings for Beck.
When a dramatic accident causes for Gray to lose one of his lower legs, Beck offers to take care of him as Gray's overprotective parents live out of town. But Beck - he's a bit of a hoarder since he loves everything antique and out of the ordinary - first needs to clean up his apartment and make sure Gray doesn't mind sleeping in one bed together, and though Gray knows it's a bad idea, they end up agreeing. They're each other's best friends after all.
Soon after Gray moves in temporarily, his anxiety, his fears start to get out of control. He suddenly has an unexplainable fear for time, for the passing of it, for time to move too slow or too fast and his experience of his surroundings changes when that happens. He tries to hide his troubles for Beck, because Gray doesn't want to be weak. He already lost a limb - he doesn't want to admit he's losing his mind too. He's always been this strong person, this reliable guy, and his accident has changed everything. He has a hard time processing and accepting and it was heartbreaking to witness his struggles. Adam Gold does a fantastic job portraying Grayson and that low, rumbling voice...I swear Audible invented those 30 second rewind button just so I was able to hear Adam moan and grunt on repeat :)
I also loved how he gave Beck his voice. I loved hearing his thoughts and his confusion when he finds out his feelings for Gray are changing. Because he's been a woman's man all his life, what's happening to him?! Did he suddenly turn gay?! His confusion sounded so real, so genuine. He loved Gray, but never ever in his life had he thought about Gray like this and it scares him to the bone. Their first time kissing, their first time everything, with Beck being new to all of it - I loved how Gray took him by the hand and took care of him initially. Later on, though, Gray is too damaged to see how his friend is struggling, to acknowledge Beck's confusion, and I understand the choices Beck makes. But boy, did it hurt!
I also need to point out, that I love the way Ms. James weaves humor and fun into an angsty story like this. I loved The Beatles - the fish, the grumpy cat and the bird! It makes for some lighter moments in a darker, angsty story, and somehow that gave it exactly the balance it needed.
After I finished listening to this book, I really needed time to get my thoughts together. To find the words that could do this book justice, and I'm sure I still didn't find them, but this was all I could come up with. It's been an experience I won't easily forget, and even if I have read most Nicky's books as an e-book, I can't help but wonder if this book would have been just as intense had I not listened to it. Maybe the impact was this huge because of Adam Gold's performance, of how he made Grayson and Beckett come to live, as if they were all too real.
So, if you enjoy audio's, I would highly recommend this one to you. It's angsty, and you should definitely be aware of the triggers, but if you don't have them, this book is close to perfection, both the narrating and the writing. If you don't like doing the audio, I would still recommend for you to read this book, because it's one of Nicky James's best. With Grayson's and Beckett's story she proves once again why she is called the Queen of Angst.
I was kindly given a copy of this audiobook by the author, and this is my honest, unbiased review
May 25, 2024
Ya’ll know I’m a grumpy reader… but for real, this book takes the cake.
Spoilers ahead.
First, no trigger warnings as per usual with Nicky’s books. She gets readers because of her OTT shock value and this was no exception. TW for PTSD, panic attacks, suicidal ideation and thoughts, non-con and dub con.
Poor poor poor fucking Gray, man. He needed a new best friend. Because there wasn’t a single word written about Beck that made him even remotely likable. He was an absolutely oblivious and shitty friend. Then when the sex stuff happened, he didn’t even want it. It was like he just all of a sudden decided he wanted Gray but all of his internal dialogue lent him to just straight up not being interested. He never thought or spoke of Gray being attractive. He never was like “dang I might have real feelings for him.” It was overall just kind of gross and toxic.
Gray was having constant panic attacks and phobic episodes right in front of Beck and all Beck did was react in anger.
Then Gray shame spirals and ghosts him… for a fucking month. During that time Beck decided he *might* want a hook up and goes to a gay bar to visually assault gay men to see if it peaks his interest. It’s seriously… so gross.
There is no love story here. Beck never really wanted Gray so them being together felt weird. He was so toxic and they were toxic together and not in that fun fiction way, in that way that just makes me rage. Like, I know Nicky is the queen of “how fucked up can I make this” but I am over it and am finally shelving her and this series on audio. I listened to the first half and even Adam couldn’t save it.
Spoilers ahead.
First, no trigger warnings as per usual with Nicky’s books. She gets readers because of her OTT shock value and this was no exception. TW for PTSD, panic attacks, suicidal ideation and thoughts, non-con and dub con.
Poor poor poor fucking Gray, man. He needed a new best friend. Because there wasn’t a single word written about Beck that made him even remotely likable. He was an absolutely oblivious and shitty friend. Then when the sex stuff happened, he didn’t even want it. It was like he just all of a sudden decided he wanted Gray but all of his internal dialogue lent him to just straight up not being interested. He never thought or spoke of Gray being attractive. He never was like “dang I might have real feelings for him.” It was overall just kind of gross and toxic.
Gray was having constant panic attacks and phobic episodes right in front of Beck and all Beck did was react in anger.
Then Gray shame spirals and ghosts him… for a fucking month. During that time Beck decided he *might* want a hook up and goes to a gay bar to visually assault gay men to see if it peaks his interest. It’s seriously… so gross.
There is no love story here. Beck never really wanted Gray so them being together felt weird. He was so toxic and they were toxic together and not in that fun fiction way, in that way that just makes me rage. Like, I know Nicky is the queen of “how fucked up can I make this” but I am over it and am finally shelving her and this series on audio. I listened to the first half and even Adam couldn’t save it.
July 21, 2022
Beck can respectfully fuck off 🥰
Anyway, this book really give me all of the feels, the anxious, scared, questioning, pain and I love it, but there was just something about this book that was really unsatisfying. I couldn’t feel the connection between the MCs and between me and the whole story. Some parts of the plotline was boring and some was keeping me on my toes. It was just ehh, and I definitely do not like the inconsistency of this book. I really, really love Gray’s story though. It was the only thing that kept me going.
The friendship between Gray and Beck wasn’t told in depth and along with the invisible 15 years pining trope (simply means, pining but not a lot of backstory - which i need in all of my pining books) makes the relationship development felt off. This is what I meant where I couldn’t connect to both of them. I really love the idea though. Close proximity, bi awakening it was just a perfect skim to catch my attention, but well it didn’t work for me :’) and up until the end, I couldn’t feel where and how they connect 😐
Overall, I love, love LOVE Gray’s story so much in this. His character was amazing and all of what he was feeling made me feel so sad with him. I was so heartbroken for every moment of what he had to go through. I love him better than everything else in this one. It felt so good that I can feel his pain deeply and I adore that so much about this book.
Anyway, this book really give me all of the feels, the anxious, scared, questioning, pain and I love it, but there was just something about this book that was really unsatisfying. I couldn’t feel the connection between the MCs and between me and the whole story. Some parts of the plotline was boring and some was keeping me on my toes. It was just ehh, and I definitely do not like the inconsistency of this book. I really, really love Gray’s story though. It was the only thing that kept me going.
The friendship between Gray and Beck wasn’t told in depth and along with the invisible 15 years pining trope (simply means, pining but not a lot of backstory - which i need in all of my pining books) makes the relationship development felt off. This is what I meant where I couldn’t connect to both of them. I really love the idea though. Close proximity, bi awakening it was just a perfect skim to catch my attention, but well it didn’t work for me :’) and up until the end, I couldn’t feel where and how they connect 😐
Overall, I love, love LOVE Gray’s story so much in this. His character was amazing and all of what he was feeling made me feel so sad with him. I was so heartbroken for every moment of what he had to go through. I love him better than everything else in this one. It felt so good that I can feel his pain deeply and I adore that so much about this book.
July 8, 2024
I started this book completely biased from reviews and friend opinion… so I came into this to save Beck from all the hate.. I tried but he made it easy to dislike him!
I can’t believe this book was written after owl, shades and touch… I can’t believe Nicky would treat Gray like this… We had more page time of Beck’s gay freak out, then the real problem that was eating Gray alive. Only at 78% the problem got addressed…
Beck’s rudeness is not funny and not welcome. And also Gray… don’t be such a doormat… These are 30 year old men who have been best friends for most of their life… some thing’s didn't make sense. I don't usually make a big deal about someone not acting his age, but in this case and quoting eloquent Beck “What. The. Fuck?” This sounded like a bunch of college guys at the frat house.
And don’t get me started on the ridiculous way Beck approaches Gray's struggles… not soft and understanding, but like with a sledgehammer… demanding and accusatory…
Sex was hot, yes but without some cringe comments… the dialogues were 😬 They go from super deep conversation about mental health and getting help, to I wanna suck your dick! K……
Overall I wouldn’t bet on their future together and honestly Gray deserved someone more lovin and less crude than this child man! I wanted to say, ok he is freaking out about sucking and taking dick and liking it, but I can’t. So fuck you Beck ! If we think about it, all the efforts were made by Gray, and Beck just was there enjoying.
I can’t believe this book was written after owl, shades and touch… I can’t believe Nicky would treat Gray like this… We had more page time of Beck’s gay freak out, then the real problem that was eating Gray alive. Only at 78% the problem got addressed…
Beck’s rudeness is not funny and not welcome. And also Gray… don’t be such a doormat… These are 30 year old men who have been best friends for most of their life… some thing’s didn't make sense. I don't usually make a big deal about someone not acting his age, but in this case and quoting eloquent Beck “What. The. Fuck?” This sounded like a bunch of college guys at the frat house.
And don’t get me started on the ridiculous way Beck approaches Gray's struggles… not soft and understanding, but like with a sledgehammer… demanding and accusatory…
Sex was hot, yes but without some cringe comments… the dialogues were 😬 They go from super deep conversation about mental health and getting help, to I wanna suck your dick! K……
Overall I wouldn’t bet on their future together and honestly Gray deserved someone more lovin and less crude than this child man! I wanted to say, ok he is freaking out about sucking and taking dick and liking it, but I can’t. So fuck you Beck ! If we think about it, all the efforts were made by Gray, and Beck just was there enjoying.
December 8, 2022
Pretty disappointing actually and while I’m rather bored with the whole friends to lovers trope I love a good sexual awakening story . Well , in my opinion the guys here weren’t even good friends (Beckett could barely stand to be in the proximity of his gay friend) and the love issue was forced, a bit weird and a lot cringey. The anxiety and depression struggle was very well depicted but that was pretty much it. Oh and the cat.. man,I loved that cat!!
March 19, 2019
In terms of the phobia, anxiety and panic attacks, it's a well-researched, well-executed book.
Compared to the other books in this series, poor Grayson not only struggled with mental health problems, but also had to adjust to a new life physically. I completely missed the part where he had to learn to walk with a prosthetic. It sounded too easy, and I don't think that's how it goes. In movies, and TV shoes, they always struggle for months to walk with the prosthetic. I think this issue got ignored in favor of the chronophobia.
I'm not satisfied with the romantic entanglements either. Best friends to lovers, GFY/OFY story arc is one of my favorite. Unfortunately Grayson's many existing health problems didn't leave room for this kind of romance to bloom, that plot got neglected too.
As usual in a GFY book, Beckett ran to the first woman to confirm he's not truly attracted to his best friend. That he's not confused, and he could still get it up for a woman. I saw this scenario in a lot of GFY story, and it's boring. It's a valid reaction, I would do the same, if it were me, but I wanted to skip that part completely.
Once they admitted the attraction to each other... there was a looong hugging session which I loved.... and the night should have ended there. Why? Why? Why do they have to force the kissing and sexing immediately? Couldn't have they waited for a day. Just a day. The timing was shit. And there was a part when Gray had a nightmare.
To be honest, I didn't believe in their friendship in the first place. I would have loved to see them interact before the accident. Or maybe some flashbacks would have been nice. I don't think their friendship was deep enough to turn into love that easily. Come to think of it, was there even a love declaration? hmm... I don't even remember. I just didn't feel it. I think my romantic side really missed the lingering looks and the touching. I know, I know... I always say this. lol Sorry, can't help it. :)
Separately, both Beckett's and Gray's story was great. Beckett's because of his sexual identity crisis, and Gray's because of his struggles with mental illness. It's just that together, how they tried to make it work, to navigate... to mesh their lives together... it just didn't work for me.
I also want to mention Beckett's profession. He's a collector of sorts. He goes to auctions and whatever catches his eye (antique watches, diaphonized animals, and other... more weird stuff), he bids on it, and sets it up in his shop. He's basically a hoarder. lol There are a bunch of shows on TV, where they do this kind of thing. Look up "Storage Wars". So anyway, that was pretty interesting. And unusual for an MC, at least I haven't read about such things.
Overall, I liked reading about the mental health element, but there wasn't much room left for the relationship to fully develop. :(
Ooooh, and Ringoooo. He's the best. Always lurking and glaring. lol
Compared to the other books in this series, poor Grayson not only struggled with mental health problems, but also had to adjust to a new life physically. I completely missed the part where he had to learn to walk with a prosthetic. It sounded too easy, and I don't think that's how it goes. In movies, and TV shoes, they always struggle for months to walk with the prosthetic. I think this issue got ignored in favor of the chronophobia.
I'm not satisfied with the romantic entanglements either. Best friends to lovers, GFY/OFY story arc is one of my favorite. Unfortunately Grayson's many existing health problems didn't leave room for this kind of romance to bloom, that plot got neglected too.
As usual in a GFY book, Beckett ran to the first woman to confirm he's not truly attracted to his best friend. That he's not confused, and he could still get it up for a woman. I saw this scenario in a lot of GFY story, and it's boring. It's a valid reaction, I would do the same, if it were me, but I wanted to skip that part completely.
Once they admitted the attraction to each other... there was a looong hugging session which I loved.... and the night should have ended there. Why? Why? Why do they have to force the kissing and sexing immediately? Couldn't have they waited for a day. Just a day. The timing was shit. And there was a part when Gray had a nightmare.
To be honest, I didn't believe in their friendship in the first place. I would have loved to see them interact before the accident. Or maybe some flashbacks would have been nice. I don't think their friendship was deep enough to turn into love that easily. Come to think of it, was there even a love declaration? hmm... I don't even remember. I just didn't feel it. I think my romantic side really missed the lingering looks and the touching. I know, I know... I always say this. lol Sorry, can't help it. :)
Separately, both Beckett's and Gray's story was great. Beckett's because of his sexual identity crisis, and Gray's because of his struggles with mental illness. It's just that together, how they tried to make it work, to navigate... to mesh their lives together... it just didn't work for me.
I also want to mention Beckett's profession. He's a collector of sorts. He goes to auctions and whatever catches his eye (antique watches, diaphonized animals, and other... more weird stuff), he bids on it, and sets it up in his shop. He's basically a hoarder. lol There are a bunch of shows on TV, where they do this kind of thing. Look up "Storage Wars". So anyway, that was pretty interesting. And unusual for an MC, at least I haven't read about such things.
Overall, I liked reading about the mental health element, but there wasn't much room left for the relationship to fully develop. :(
Ooooh, and Ringoooo. He's the best. Always lurking and glaring. lol
March 16, 2019
Love this series! Loved this book!
It gives such interesting and illuminating insights into the world of phobias. And Nicky James does an amazing job describing what people who are suffering from one feel. She must have done tons of research to put all this into such fitting words.
It is always moving and painful to see how limiting and debilitating phobias are.
What Gray is going through is excruciating. The description of his accident and the 60 hours that follow left me almost paralysed. That is partly due to the author's fabulous writing skills, but also because I am somewhat claustrophobic and hate the pitch black dark. So I was more than associating with Gray's panic and horror. *shudders*
But this isn't only the story of a guy who is left with mental (and physical) health problems after a fateful incident. We also get a beautifully done 'friends to lovers', GFY love story.
Beck is Gray's best friend who helps him out after the accident by letting Gray stay with him. Beck is strictly straight (of course).
Discovering completely new desires after a sleep-sex incident with Gray opens a Pandora's box for Beck. I felt that his shocked reaction was very believable and real. I also felt desperately sorry for him because not only was Gray giving him a hard time, but he had sort himself out on top of it.
The tension between the two guys, the romance that's budding between them and the pressure of Gray's increasingly overwhelming phobia make absolutely gripping reading.
Highly recommend it!
It gives such interesting and illuminating insights into the world of phobias. And Nicky James does an amazing job describing what people who are suffering from one feel. She must have done tons of research to put all this into such fitting words.
It is always moving and painful to see how limiting and debilitating phobias are.
What Gray is going through is excruciating. The description of his accident and the 60 hours that follow left me almost paralysed. That is partly due to the author's fabulous writing skills, but also because I am somewhat claustrophobic and hate the pitch black dark. So I was more than associating with Gray's panic and horror. *shudders*
But this isn't only the story of a guy who is left with mental (and physical) health problems after a fateful incident. We also get a beautifully done 'friends to lovers', GFY love story.
Beck is Gray's best friend who helps him out after the accident by letting Gray stay with him. Beck is strictly straight (of course).
Discovering completely new desires after a sleep-sex incident with Gray opens a Pandora's box for Beck. I felt that his shocked reaction was very believable and real. I also felt desperately sorry for him because not only was Gray giving him a hard time, but he had sort himself out on top of it.
The tension between the two guys, the romance that's budding between them and the pressure of Gray's increasingly overwhelming phobia make absolutely gripping reading.
Highly recommend it!
March 25, 2021
It was good.
Not the favorite from the series, but good. I struggled to understand Gray’s phobia and the relationship between him and Beck. So there’s a little chaos but in the last 20% of the book it’s all sorted out 🙃
And again—James’s writing can make any story spectacular! 😍
Not the favorite from the series, but good. I struggled to understand Gray’s phobia and the relationship between him and Beck. So there’s a little chaos but in the last 20% of the book it’s all sorted out 🙃
And again—James’s writing can make any story spectacular! 😍
February 18, 2023
*releases breath*
Oh. Oh my. I think this one might have hit the hardest so far.
I believe it cut so deep because we are present with Gray when his accident happens.
We witness the horrors he barely survived and are with him as he copes with his new reality.
Grayson lost more than his leg that dreadful day.
Pinned beneath his collapsed house for days sent his mind spiraling. He had no sense of time and after nearly 60 hours of teetering on the verge of death, he can't process time anymore.
Suddenly, time is warped and his obsession with it increases as the weeks pass by.
He can't return home since it's in rubble and his only other option is to go to his parents.
Which sets his nerves alight for other reasons. His smothering mom means well, but he just can't bear her hoovering again.
Then his best friend appears with a third option that he never considered.
He can stay with Beck for a few weeks while he focuses on recovering and acclimating to his new life. BUT staying with Beck has its own challenges.
Beck owns an antique shop and lives in an apartment above. Which includes stairs, a cluttered space, and...only one bed. Which wouldn't be quite so bad if Gray hadn't been harboring deep feelings for Beck. Gray has concealed his love for his best friend for a long time. Living together brings his affections to the forefront.
Gray knows it can't go anywhere, Beck is straight.
Or...is he?
This powerful story held me captive the entire time. There's a LOT going on here but I never felt overwhelmed. Gray's phobia was intense and I was so grateful he had Beck to help him.
I loved Beck's open heart. I loved Gray's determination.
I enjoyed Gray's parents and Beck's assistant.
I loved how they found each other, romantically.
Nicky doesn't make it easy on them (but does she ever?!).
And Beck's pets are hilarious!!
I am loving this series so so much!!
Unforgettable stories with unforgettable guys.
*4.5 stars*
Oh. Oh my. I think this one might have hit the hardest so far.
I believe it cut so deep because we are present with Gray when his accident happens.
We witness the horrors he barely survived and are with him as he copes with his new reality.
Grayson lost more than his leg that dreadful day.
Pinned beneath his collapsed house for days sent his mind spiraling. He had no sense of time and after nearly 60 hours of teetering on the verge of death, he can't process time anymore.
Suddenly, time is warped and his obsession with it increases as the weeks pass by.
He can't return home since it's in rubble and his only other option is to go to his parents.
Which sets his nerves alight for other reasons. His smothering mom means well, but he just can't bear her hoovering again.
Then his best friend appears with a third option that he never considered.
He can stay with Beck for a few weeks while he focuses on recovering and acclimating to his new life. BUT staying with Beck has its own challenges.
Beck owns an antique shop and lives in an apartment above. Which includes stairs, a cluttered space, and...only one bed. Which wouldn't be quite so bad if Gray hadn't been harboring deep feelings for Beck. Gray has concealed his love for his best friend for a long time. Living together brings his affections to the forefront.
Gray knows it can't go anywhere, Beck is straight.
Or...is he?
This powerful story held me captive the entire time. There's a LOT going on here but I never felt overwhelmed. Gray's phobia was intense and I was so grateful he had Beck to help him.
I loved Beck's open heart. I loved Gray's determination.
I enjoyed Gray's parents and Beck's assistant.
I loved how they found each other, romantically.
Nicky doesn't make it easy on them (but does she ever?!).
And Beck's pets are hilarious!!
I am loving this series so so much!!
Unforgettable stories with unforgettable guys.
*4.5 stars*
March 8, 2019
"A hollow ache in my chest made it hard to breathe. I had no idea if what happened was the best thing in my life or the biggest mistake.
Lost in a moment is a heartbreaking friends to lovers romance that gutted me for what Gray had been through. It's not easy for Gray to face his future after the biggest trauma in his life, left him with a painful mark, both physical and psychological.
Suffering a PTSD and anxiety while he had to recover for his injury, was not an easy job.
Gray was lucky he's got Beckett in his life, his forever crush and forever best friend.
Both Gray and Beckett struggled to keep their friendship just like they used to be, especially after a shocking reveal of what Gray had been hiding all this time.
"I've loved you for a long time already, and I want to love you for a long time more"
Questioning his sexuality at thirty, also not a very comfort feeling for Beck. Fighting his questioning attraction to his best friend, he kept Gray in distance, but hard to do. He'd already fall for Gray, and it was always Grey for a long time.
This is a slow burn, frustratingly slow burn romance. But I think what Gray and Beck had been through, worth the wait.
Gray's issue with his mental health also a hard part in their relationship, especially for Gray himself. As for Beck, surprisingly, he's the one who's 'ready' for everything.
Lost in a Moment, is a page turning heartbreaking romance you don't want to miss, especially if you're a fan of this author and the mental health issue in your reads.
Recommended!
October 25, 2022
DNF 19%.
Just not at all interesting from page 1. Yes there's the accident right off the bat but the descriptions, instead of creating certain emotions in me as a reader, just seemed...too much. Trying too hard or smth.
Just didn't resonate or keep my interest.
Just not at all interesting from page 1. Yes there's the accident right off the bat but the descriptions, instead of creating certain emotions in me as a reader, just seemed...too much. Trying too hard or smth.
Just didn't resonate or keep my interest.
April 24, 2019
3.5, una pareja muy mona, sigue mucho los parámetros de la serie, lo subo a cuatro estrellas por su originalidad, en este caso la fobia, muy bien explicada (en algunos momentos me he agobiado muchísimo), al paso del tiempo.
Es un friends to lovers, para mí casi siempre eso ya anuncia libro ganador.
Es un friends to lovers, para mí casi siempre eso ya anuncia libro ganador.
January 11, 2020
***5 Stars***
Time is very slow for those who wait. Very fast for those who are scared. Very long for those who lament. Very short for those who celebrate. But for those who love, time is eternal. -William Shakespeare
============
My favorite Trials of Fear book!! Wow....so emotional.
Greyson and Beckett. Friends since childhood. Their relationship changes and evolves amid challenges and trauma.
This was just a beautiful story. I felt Greyson's anxiety and emotional struggles so strongly that MY anxiety went up a bit! But it was so worth it. I could go on and on gushing, but you really just have to read their story.
Time is very slow for those who wait. Very fast for those who are scared. Very long for those who lament. Very short for those who celebrate. But for those who love, time is eternal. -William Shakespeare
============
My favorite Trials of Fear book!! Wow....so emotional.
Greyson and Beckett. Friends since childhood. Their relationship changes and evolves amid challenges and trauma.
This was just a beautiful story. I felt Greyson's anxiety and emotional struggles so strongly that MY anxiety went up a bit! But it was so worth it. I could go on and on gushing, but you really just have to read their story.
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October 16, 2021
MM Romance
Gay For You/Bi awakening
Best Friends To Lovers
Hurt/Comfort
This one was a doozy. For most of this story, my eyes were welled up and my throat ached following Gray’s descent down the rabbit hole after a horrific freak accident. The writing of this part was truly great as I could feel everything Gray felt with amazing clarity. That being said, I had a freak accident 12 years ago that left my leg intact unlike Gray but I could (can) relate to a lot of what he was going through pain wise. It’s a real fucked up feeling to go from having independence and everything at your fingertips to constant pain, anxiety and helplessness. So, this part of the story was extremely well done.
It’s everything else that didn’t quite work for me. ☹️
While Gray is learning to live without a limb, he’s staying with his best friend Beck. Gray’s been in love with Beck for 15 years but nothing has ever happened as Beck is straight. Due to the smallness of Beck’s apartment these two are sharing a bed and the forced proximity starts blurring the lines between them.
The problem for me was, their relationship felt forced and because so much of the focus was on Gray’s existential crisis, it took away from the romance part. While I understood Beck was freaked out by his new feelings, I wanted him to just get the fuck over it and pay attention to Gray. Gray needed someone to pay attention and it was almost too late by the time they did.
So, I dont know what the hell to rate this. It made me cry and and some parts were actually laugh out loud funny but the romance fell short for me however I think this may be a “it’s me not the book” type thing. I can relate too much to this book and it affected me while reading it and it made me overly critical of Beck even though he’s a character I would normally adore. So…maybe take my review with a grain of salt 🤷🏻♀️
Gay For You/Bi awakening
Best Friends To Lovers
Hurt/Comfort
This one was a doozy. For most of this story, my eyes were welled up and my throat ached following Gray’s descent down the rabbit hole after a horrific freak accident. The writing of this part was truly great as I could feel everything Gray felt with amazing clarity. That being said, I had a freak accident 12 years ago that left my leg intact unlike Gray but I could (can) relate to a lot of what he was going through pain wise. It’s a real fucked up feeling to go from having independence and everything at your fingertips to constant pain, anxiety and helplessness. So, this part of the story was extremely well done.
It’s everything else that didn’t quite work for me. ☹️
While Gray is learning to live without a limb, he’s staying with his best friend Beck. Gray’s been in love with Beck for 15 years but nothing has ever happened as Beck is straight. Due to the smallness of Beck’s apartment these two are sharing a bed and the forced proximity starts blurring the lines between them.
The problem for me was, their relationship felt forced and because so much of the focus was on Gray’s existential crisis, it took away from the romance part. While I understood Beck was freaked out by his new feelings, I wanted him to just get the fuck over it and pay attention to Gray. Gray needed someone to pay attention and it was almost too late by the time they did.
So, I dont know what the hell to rate this. It made me cry and and some parts were actually laugh out loud funny but the romance fell short for me however I think this may be a “it’s me not the book” type thing. I can relate too much to this book and it affected me while reading it and it made me overly critical of Beck even though he’s a character I would normally adore. So…maybe take my review with a grain of salt 🤷🏻♀️
October 5, 2023
Grayson & Beck
4.5 Stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐.5🎧
I should never assume when it comes to Nicky, and she always makes me fall in love with a trope that I don't always love. GFY MM romance can go so very sideways for me. But something about Grayson and Beck just works.
Grayson is dealing with a head full of trauma tacked on is the amputation, and he needs someone to lean on. Beck, his childhood best friend is a solid person in Grayson's life and insists on being the one to take care of Grayson when he needs him most.
I found Beck to be airheaded when it came to signs that Grayson wasn't doing well. I mean hello, friend can't get up and down the stairs, and you leave him there for most of the day. Yeah, his head is going to get even more fucked up in the days that pass.
I don't think Beck fully grasped three days alone in complete darkness in agonizing pain.
Overall, I enjoyed it and must go back and listen to more of this series because I can't get enough.
The narration was perfect!
4.5 Stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐.5🎧
I should never assume when it comes to Nicky, and she always makes me fall in love with a trope that I don't always love. GFY MM romance can go so very sideways for me. But something about Grayson and Beck just works.
Grayson is dealing with a head full of trauma tacked on is the amputation, and he needs someone to lean on. Beck, his childhood best friend is a solid person in Grayson's life and insists on being the one to take care of Grayson when he needs him most.
I found Beck to be airheaded when it came to signs that Grayson wasn't doing well. I mean hello, friend can't get up and down the stairs, and you leave him there for most of the day. Yeah, his head is going to get even more fucked up in the days that pass.
I don't think Beck fully grasped three days alone in complete darkness in agonizing pain.
Overall, I enjoyed it and must go back and listen to more of this series because I can't get enough.
The narration was perfect!
March 11, 2019
So far we’ve had sleep, light and touch. Now we have time.
As I get older I pay more attention to the passing of time and I can feel a slight bit of panic sometimes when I see how fast it is flying. How there just isn’t enough time and how many things I won’t get to do (books I won’t get to read). This is normal. I am sure as we all age we experience some sort of fear about the passing of time. It’s a fear but not frightening.
Gray’s fear of time was frightening. Time was disappearing. It was going too fast and he was being swept along with no control over any of it and he was scared and he felt, pretty much like he was losing his mind.
Like I’ve said in all the reviews for this series, I can’t imagine. I can’t imagine the fear that Gray felt, in the dark and in the wet. Asleep and awake, over and over, with no concept of time just that it was passing. Coming out of this traumatic experience without a phobia would be weird, coming out with one seems like the more normal of the two.
So yeah, again I am moved beyond belief by the story Nicky James weaves around a phobia and again I am fascinated by it. I seem to repeat myself a lot when it comes to these books but it bears repeating that I am still shocked by how much I enjoy the subject matter. I just didn’t think trauma like in these stories would work for me but I can’t get enough of these books.
But…
That part of the story I have nothing but praise for. The romance aspect of this one though, it didn’t really work for me. No, that’s not the right phrase to use. I wasn’t rooting for these two I think would be a better way to describe it. Sometimes the best friend should be just that, no matter what, best friends forever. That’s what I think would have worked better for me in this one. I feel the timing was off and it was fast, fast, fast and I am just not sure about Beck. It wasn’t fast to happen but fast once it did. Too fast for a complete change I think. But more than any of that, the timing was so wrong, almost inappropriate, selfish and just made me uncomfortable and the wrong thing to be focusing on at the time. Gray was not ok and Beck saw it but just kept moving past it and not bringing it up and it needed to be addressed. I feel like it just got worse and worse and more than anything Gray needed a friend, support and someone to step up.
Still an excellent addition to the series that hurt my heart and soul. I felt so much for Gray and feel like aside from the fear that is holding on to him he did remarkable with life after what he went through. The guys in these books have so much strength. So much.
I can’t wait for the next one!
As I get older I pay more attention to the passing of time and I can feel a slight bit of panic sometimes when I see how fast it is flying. How there just isn’t enough time and how many things I won’t get to do (books I won’t get to read). This is normal. I am sure as we all age we experience some sort of fear about the passing of time. It’s a fear but not frightening.
Gray’s fear of time was frightening. Time was disappearing. It was going too fast and he was being swept along with no control over any of it and he was scared and he felt, pretty much like he was losing his mind.
Like I’ve said in all the reviews for this series, I can’t imagine. I can’t imagine the fear that Gray felt, in the dark and in the wet. Asleep and awake, over and over, with no concept of time just that it was passing. Coming out of this traumatic experience without a phobia would be weird, coming out with one seems like the more normal of the two.
So yeah, again I am moved beyond belief by the story Nicky James weaves around a phobia and again I am fascinated by it. I seem to repeat myself a lot when it comes to these books but it bears repeating that I am still shocked by how much I enjoy the subject matter. I just didn’t think trauma like in these stories would work for me but I can’t get enough of these books.
But…
That part of the story I have nothing but praise for. The romance aspect of this one though, it didn’t really work for me. No, that’s not the right phrase to use. I wasn’t rooting for these two I think would be a better way to describe it. Sometimes the best friend should be just that, no matter what, best friends forever. That’s what I think would have worked better for me in this one. I feel the timing was off and it was fast, fast, fast and I am just not sure about Beck. It wasn’t fast to happen but fast once it did. Too fast for a complete change I think. But more than any of that, the timing was so wrong, almost inappropriate, selfish and just made me uncomfortable and the wrong thing to be focusing on at the time. Gray was not ok and Beck saw it but just kept moving past it and not bringing it up and it needed to be addressed. I feel like it just got worse and worse and more than anything Gray needed a friend, support and someone to step up.
Still an excellent addition to the series that hurt my heart and soul. I felt so much for Gray and feel like aside from the fear that is holding on to him he did remarkable with life after what he went through. The guys in these books have so much strength. So much.
I can’t wait for the next one!
March 31, 2019
Love it! I’m addicted to this series! You know what I love most about it? Was that even though this is fiction I’m learning SO much. I’ve found myself googling terms, and things. I’ve even roped my hubs into helping me figure out mechanics of how smexy positions would work if one of us were missing part of our leg. And that’s a good book for me. This was that. Poor Greyson not only survived being trapped but he also has a new life to struggle with. On top of phobia and ptsd. I just wanted to get him to the good doc already. And beck. Gosh to watch a friend go through this, gut wrenching. Cause you don’t want to screw your friendship but you know it’s gonna be a fight to get them help, while you figure out a new dynamic to this friendship. And that’s why you know you love someone truly if you are willing to stick through all of this to help them get to the other side.
Another great one, so glad it’s not the end, can’t wait to meet the next MC’s..... ohhhh and I just wanna put it into the universe, can we get to be flies on the wall at the next phobia group meeting? Asking for many friends
Another great one, so glad it’s not the end, can’t wait to meet the next MC’s..... ohhhh and I just wanna put it into the universe, can we get to be flies on the wall at the next phobia group meeting? Asking for many friends
December 18, 2021
Dnf 85%
Why does the author use the word appendage more than once in this book? With zero chemistry, a desperate and traumatized gay mc, and a boring quirky straight mc, this book did not work for me. Them having sex right after a panic attack did not work for me. The borderline SA didn't work for me. Learning how to fully function on a prosthetic in 2 months seemed insane and unnecessary to the storyline. I hated the stupid animals (I do not hate animals irl). Beck turning bi for no reason makes no sense; their best friend connection didn't justify it at all. Gray being creepy about his years long love for Beck is weird and makes him look like such a loser. Especially since he continually verbalizes his loseryness, even during sex. Him being tall, muscley, and tattood did not save his image due to his insane innerr monologue. Also, the fact that he was still so muscular after months of not moving, not going to the gym, and barely eating is stupid. So disappointed in this one. Everything about the premise interested me, and I hate read the book until I couldn't anymore.
Why does the author use the word appendage more than once in this book? With zero chemistry, a desperate and traumatized gay mc, and a boring quirky straight mc, this book did not work for me. Them having sex right after a panic attack did not work for me. The borderline SA didn't work for me. Learning how to fully function on a prosthetic in 2 months seemed insane and unnecessary to the storyline. I hated the stupid animals (I do not hate animals irl). Beck turning bi for no reason makes no sense; their best friend connection didn't justify it at all. Gray being creepy about his years long love for Beck is weird and makes him look like such a loser. Especially since he continually verbalizes his loseryness, even during sex. Him being tall, muscley, and tattood did not save his image due to his insane innerr monologue. Also, the fact that he was still so muscular after months of not moving, not going to the gym, and barely eating is stupid. So disappointed in this one. Everything about the premise interested me, and I hate read the book until I couldn't anymore.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 3, 2019
4 stars!
This was different because we see how the phobia started, as opposed to only turning up when it’s gone quite out of control. So I like that the author changed things up, including the approach of the story. Also, this was 2 guys who’ve been best friends for 22 years! So that’s another big change.
I was going to say the story was also lighter than the other 3 books but that’s only the first third of the book. It was light, full of banter, and then you realise you’re experiencing the phobia along with Gray. One tick of the clock at a time.
I thought for a minute there it would go super angsty but it didn’t. Beck definitely had more strength than I expected. Gray too, for that matter. It’s interesting to see all these different phobias and learn about them. Most of which I haven’t heard of!
I’m definitely looking forward to the next book. When will it be out?!? 😫
This was different because we see how the phobia started, as opposed to only turning up when it’s gone quite out of control. So I like that the author changed things up, including the approach of the story. Also, this was 2 guys who’ve been best friends for 22 years! So that’s another big change.
I was going to say the story was also lighter than the other 3 books but that’s only the first third of the book. It was light, full of banter, and then you realise you’re experiencing the phobia along with Gray. One tick of the clock at a time.
I thought for a minute there it would go super angsty but it didn’t. Beck definitely had more strength than I expected. Gray too, for that matter. It’s interesting to see all these different phobias and learn about them. Most of which I haven’t heard of!
I’m definitely looking forward to the next book. When will it be out?!? 😫
November 5, 2022
Hmm.. 3.5 stars for the book
5++ stars for the audio
I think this is my least favorite of this series.
I wanted for a best friends to lovers book to have more tension and more spark.
I did however like the fact that we experienced how Gray's phobia started whereas in the previous books it was something already there.
Overall the romance didn't work for me here, but the phobia aspect was fascinating.
Adam Gold is just..... sigh.... so good.
5++ stars for the audio
I think this is my least favorite of this series.
I wanted for a best friends to lovers book to have more tension and more spark.
I did however like the fact that we experienced how Gray's phobia started whereas in the previous books it was something already there.
Overall the romance didn't work for me here, but the phobia aspect was fascinating.
Adam Gold is just..... sigh.... so good.
March 18, 2019
*4.5 stars*
RTC
RTC
Read
May 5, 2022It’s very hard to rate this book..
Damn it was good until their first time together and all the others that followed.
You don’t have sex with someone when he’s going through rough time dealing with PTSD and anxiety not in a bad day when he was in a very bad place in his head, having anxiety attack and fucked royally ending up with an injured arm and escorted by the police for fighting and verbal abuse to the hospital. Beck knew there was something very wrong with his best friend Gray and every time he tried to talked to him he shut him down. Beck couldn’t take it anymore and decided to confront him once and for all because he was really worried. Gray started to open up to him then he broke down. A few moments later Beck wanted to know more but Gray refused to talk about it anymore and asked him to fuck him. Beck didn’t want to in the beginning because obviously he was in a very bad state of mind but Gray begged him, he was desperate and wanted a very hard fuck to forget his problems and issues.
It was Beck’s first time with a man, it was new to him and it shouldn’t have been like that. In a rush not knowing what to do exactly.
Months went by and Gray’s health was deteriorating, he was more and more depressed, his anxiety got worst, he didn’t eat anymore, didn’t sleep either and he was more and more closed off and talking about ending his life, Beck and him didn’t really talk that much anymore, all they were doing was fucking, Gray wanted only hard fuck to escape reality.
I’m not saying Beck took advantage of him because it was only about giving Gray what he needed and it was hurting him, he felt used and he wanted more, he craved lovemaking but Gray refused to let go with him always wanting just quick hard fucks, no emotions no feels and Beck hated it but still he should’ve been more responsible. Until one day Gray decided to go away and left Beck for a month.
It didn’t set well with me. It made me feel sick. Sex with someone who’s struggling with mental issues everyday, getting worse with each passing day and was suicidal is not right. He needed help from a professional since the moment he broke down not rough sex. It shouldn’t have taken Beck months and Gray running away to figure out that he really needed help and medications. Watching your bff/lover dying little by little every day and you do nothing just giving in to his whims, It’s beyond me.
It ruined the whole story for me.. I loved the characters (even though Beck annoyed me at some point when he freaked out and wanted to have sex with a woman to prove himself that he’s not gay after he gotten off with Gray) , I connected to them, I loved their friendship, I loved how the relationship development in the beginning.. and then it went downhill, I’m disgusted. My first Nicky James book..
Sorry but I highly don’t recommend.
Damn it was good until their first time together and all the others that followed.
You don’t have sex with someone when he’s going through rough time dealing with PTSD and anxiety not in a bad day when he was in a very bad place in his head, having anxiety attack and fucked royally ending up with an injured arm and escorted by the police for fighting and verbal abuse to the hospital. Beck knew there was something very wrong with his best friend Gray and every time he tried to talked to him he shut him down. Beck couldn’t take it anymore and decided to confront him once and for all because he was really worried. Gray started to open up to him then he broke down. A few moments later Beck wanted to know more but Gray refused to talk about it anymore and asked him to fuck him. Beck didn’t want to in the beginning because obviously he was in a very bad state of mind but Gray begged him, he was desperate and wanted a very hard fuck to forget his problems and issues.
It was Beck’s first time with a man, it was new to him and it shouldn’t have been like that. In a rush not knowing what to do exactly.
Months went by and Gray’s health was deteriorating, he was more and more depressed, his anxiety got worst, he didn’t eat anymore, didn’t sleep either and he was more and more closed off and talking about ending his life, Beck and him didn’t really talk that much anymore, all they were doing was fucking, Gray wanted only hard fuck to escape reality.
I’m not saying Beck took advantage of him because it was only about giving Gray what he needed and it was hurting him, he felt used and he wanted more, he craved lovemaking but Gray refused to let go with him always wanting just quick hard fucks, no emotions no feels and Beck hated it but still he should’ve been more responsible. Until one day Gray decided to go away and left Beck for a month.
It didn’t set well with me. It made me feel sick. Sex with someone who’s struggling with mental issues everyday, getting worse with each passing day and was suicidal is not right. He needed help from a professional since the moment he broke down not rough sex. It shouldn’t have taken Beck months and Gray running away to figure out that he really needed help and medications. Watching your bff/lover dying little by little every day and you do nothing just giving in to his whims, It’s beyond me.
It ruined the whole story for me.. I loved the characters (even though Beck annoyed me at some point when he freaked out and wanted to have sex with a woman to prove himself that he’s not gay after he gotten off with Gray) , I connected to them, I loved their friendship, I loved how the relationship development in the beginning.. and then it went downhill, I’m disgusted. My first Nicky James book..
Sorry but I highly don’t recommend.
January 13, 2022
Chronophobia: A persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of time or of the passing of time.
Unlike the other books in the series, we see how Gray developed his phobia.
Injured both physically and mentally after an unexpected accident, Grayson stays at his best friend Beck's house whose determined to help his friend during his recovery.
But with each passing day they stay together, Beck begins to realize there's something wrong with Gray and he can't do anything to fix it.
As if that weren't enough, Beck, who has thought he's been straight all his life, has great doubts about himself as a result of their close proximity.
I really loved Grayson and Beckett together. Their road was bumpy, but they made their way back each other no matter what.
I also love Beck's maniac cat, tattletale parrot, and Siamese fighting fish.
I think I'll get myself a Betta too. :))
Unlike the other books in the series, we see how Gray developed his phobia.
Injured both physically and mentally after an unexpected accident, Grayson stays at his best friend Beck's house whose determined to help his friend during his recovery.
But with each passing day they stay together, Beck begins to realize there's something wrong with Gray and he can't do anything to fix it.
As if that weren't enough, Beck, who has thought he's been straight all his life, has great doubts about himself as a result of their close proximity.
I really loved Grayson and Beckett together. Their road was bumpy, but they made their way back each other no matter what.
I also love Beck's maniac cat, tattletale parrot, and Siamese fighting fish.
I think I'll get myself a Betta too. :))
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