Upside Down: Understanding and Supporting Attachment in Adoptive and Foster Families

by Shannon Guerra

Adoptive and foster families working through attachment issues often feel alone. But it doesn’t have to be that way – communities around them can intentionally be part of the solution instead of unintentionally being part of the problem. Without that support, adoptive and foster families live in isolation.Shannon Guerra learned this first-hand after she and her husband adopted two children in 2012, and she started writing shockingly transparent blog posts about what her family was going through at home, at the doctor’s office, and in her heart as a mama. And then adoptive and foster families started writing back. Their overwhelming, unanimous theme was, “This is what I’ve wanted to tell people for so long. I wish everyone who knows our family could read this.” This book is the result. It is now used in churches, offices, ministries, and communities as the must-have, easy-read resource for training and explaining attachment issues to those who need to know as soon as possible how to support adoptive and foster families.In about 100 pages, Upside Down provides information and insight that transforms an outsider’s assumptions into an insider’s powerful perspective. Because adoptive and foster families should never feel alone, and our communities can be equipped to make sure they never feel that way again.

Genres: Adoption, Parenting, Fostering, Nonfiction

118 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 25, 2014

About the author

Shannon Guerra is an author, wife, ministry leader, and mama of eight kids via birth and adoption. She lives in Wasilla, Alaska, and writes about personal growth, heart wholeness, and living deep and wide at www.copperlightwood.com.

Reviews

[Shannon Guerra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is bringing hope and joy to adoptive (and foster) families! It's one of my very favorites. I might be shamelessly biased, though. :D

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book feels like talking with a friend who just gets you. I wish it was longer and went in more depth, but it's a great starting point.

Attachment is hard. It's so so so HARD. It's unlike anything I've ever done in my life and it's exhausting work.

But it is good work and it's worth working at.

I would love if everyone in our "circle" would read this so that they have some idea of where we are coming from, why the things we do might seem a little weird, and why our kids needs what they need.

Please read it if you have adoptive/foster families in your life. And if you don't have any, maybe look for some. We all need friends who want to understand where we are coming from.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautiful and encouraging read for adoptive families and those close to them.

[Lmichelleb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great quick read as an introduction to the reality of attachment disorder parenting. As a potential adoptive parent, I appreciate those who have gone before and shared their learnings.

[Kennedy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Accessible, raw, and engaging short read. Helpful for those unaware of how attachment issues (even in early development) can impact SO much of a child’s behavior and how this in turns impacts caregivers supporting the child to foster safe connection.

I would encourage anyone who regularly engages with children who have experienced early broken attachment (children in foster care or adoptive settings particularly) to read this!

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy, 30 minute read but a must-read for every parent of an attachment-challenged child. Also a must-read for anyone supporting a family with an attachment-challenged child. Guerra does an excellent job of explaining attachment difficulties, the different parenting styles these parents must embrace, and how to support families in the trenches.

[CATHY]

So few people understand what is going on with you or your household when you adopt a child with attachment issues and you ask them to treat the adopted child so differently. Shannon does a great job exposing the truth about our lives and our upside down logic. Love her writing and her honesty!

[Hannah Holloway · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are thinking about adopting (especially overseas/older children) this book gives you a realistic outlook. Even if you have no plans to adopt/foster read this to help/understand what parents of these children may go through.

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent quick read to better understanding attachment issues and the struggles parents face in helping adopted children develop healthy relationships.

[Alicia Vaca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book! Helpful on many levels. It will help me in my interactions with adopted children in the future for sure.

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

The most important information for readers to know before picking up this book is that it was self-published by a blogger and mother of biological and adoptive children. The perspectives and experiences of individuals who are connected to adoption are important resources, but for readers who want to learn more about attachment issues, I would recommend a book that was written by a psychologist, social worker, or other professional in the field. The author’s lack of formal education in child psychology or a related field made me skeptical of her advice about what’s best for children with attachment issues. The author’s connection between her adoption experience and Christian faith will surely be appreciated by some Christian readers, but for me, the frequent and sudden transitions between discussions about attachment and faith-based messages of encouragement were distracting, and they tended to dilute the author’s message. I would recommend this book to Christian adoptive parents looking for encouragement, but it might be less useful to people of other/no faith and those looking for more practical information.

[Elizabeth Ray · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m not sure I completely agree with everything this author advocates for, but I haven’t adopted yet, so I don’t have the personal experience to counter what she says. The best part of the book seemed to be quotes from other adoptive parents. There was a lot of encouragement in this book and the message to not care about what other people think, just do what is best for your child. This book seems best to give to family members or friends to help them support you.

[Adam Ferguson · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author doesn’t have much to say...she just describes the challenges she’s faced in adoption and makes the point that people should respect the boundaries parents set for their adopted kids.

[Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read Popsugar 2020 book with an upside down image on the cover. Decent but harrowing look at adoption I didn't rate higher because I found aspects difficult to follow and all the extra bits unnecessarily ploddy