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All We Could Have Been
From TE Carter, All We Could Have Been is a powerful and heartbreaking look at the assumptions we make about people and how one person’s actions can affect everyone around them.
Five years ago, Lexi witnessed something that shattered her very core. To cope, she moves from town to town, desperate to hide the darkest of family secrets. In every location, she assumes a new name and flies under the radar as long as she can before anyone figures out who she is―who she’s related to.
Lexie now lives with her aunt, has minimal interaction with her parents, and has no communication with her brother. But the pain is always there.
After starting her newest school, all she wants is to just live life. But how can she when the past keeps threatening to drag her back?
Five years ago, Lexi witnessed something that shattered her very core. To cope, she moves from town to town, desperate to hide the darkest of family secrets. In every location, she assumes a new name and flies under the radar as long as she can before anyone figures out who she is―who she’s related to.
Lexie now lives with her aunt, has minimal interaction with her parents, and has no communication with her brother. But the pain is always there.
After starting her newest school, all she wants is to just live life. But how can she when the past keeps threatening to drag her back?
304 pages, Paperback
First published April 23, 2019
24 people are currently reading
3827 people want to read
About the author
T.E. Carter
2 books174 followersI wrote some books. I hope to write more at some point but I've been dealing with stuff so it's slow. You can find me elsewhere doing my thing (see twitter and instagram links) or email me at tecarterbooks@gmail.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 165 reviews
April 26, 2019
I miss what we were, but we aren't that anymore, and it's better to get away from the memories of all we could have been.
I wanted to love this so much. Carter's I Stop Somewhere hit me so hard last year that I listed it among my favourite books of 2018. This one just didn't come close to affecting me in the same way.
There are several reasons, and I think one is that I Stop Somewhere alternates between the past and a present which is told in a very poetic and unique writing style. All We Could Have Been is less experimental, more of a traditional high school novel about a new girl with a dark past, a blooming romance, and unfair rumours flying everywhere. I just recently read a book that did a similar thing - The Burning - and I actually enjoyed that one more.
The characters' voices here also seemed on the younger side for high school seniors. By my understanding of the American school system, that should put them at 17-18 years old, and yet they read a good 4 or 5 years younger to me. It didn't help that Lexi never seemed to develop her own distinct personality. Everything is about how she reacts to everyone else, and what they feel. It was difficult to transport myself into her mind and world.
Lexi starts a new school with a new name, in order to run away from the stigma of her brother's crimes. The first half of the book is slow, and is largely made up of daily school life-- making new friends, auditioning for the school play, and some vague hints about what her brother might have done. It was really difficult to get interested in the plot. The only real driving force of the narrative was the mystery around Lexi's brother, and it is just not that exciting.
The second half of the book is what happens when people at her new school find out. This is more dynamic, but I feel like I've read many versions of this story, and many of them were better. If you're looking for something similar, you could try the aforementioned The Burning, or even better, just read an early Courtney Summers's book like Some Girls Are.
I was also unimpressed by the direction the romance took. It's a really big pet peeve of mine when a character's journey to self-acceptance is fuelled by a romance, and here Lexi relies on Marcus to explain why everything is not her fault and alleviate some of her anxiety symptoms.
There were some things I did like. I liked how things were resolved with Chloe, and that the book had asexual rep. There were some interesting ideas about morality, complexity and judgement. Rory, especially, had the potential to be such an interesting character-- I’d really love to see a book about a Rory type; someone who is so concerned with abstract morals that they forget the moral complexity of human beings.
One last thing - and this is a genuine question, not a criticism - does the thing with Scott's hearing really happen? Do law professionals truly ask 17 year olds if their incarcerated family member is capable of rehabilitation? If they do, that is messed up. A) why would they put a minor through that? and B) why they would take the opinion of a criminal’s little sister into consideration when deciding his future? Genuinely curious about this.
CW: depression; anxiety/PTSD; self-harm; .
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October 6, 2019
“I miss what we were, but we aren’t that anymore, and it’s better to get away from the memories of all we could have been.”
Well I expected much more than this. You see All We Could Have Been was top on my anticipated list this year. That premise? Soo good and promising. And yet...
The book itself is actually too.. oh I don’t know... normal?? Like those commonplace new girl at school then she met ‘mysterious’ guy? It’s not really about the crime. I’m actually surprised how heavy it focuses on the romance. I mean, yes I like good romance but when you have the premise this intriguing, why in the world do you have go the ya romance route??
“I think it’s the shame. Crying doesn’t wash it away. All the therapy in the world doesn’t lessen it... Shame is like your best friend. Always there. Always at your back. Except it’s not a comfort. It strangles you when you try to survive... I can’t move forward, because it always pulls me into it.”
February 24, 2019
All We Could Have Been is a genuinely absorbing and very emotional novel, with themes of grief and sense of self, looked at from a different and extremely compelling angle.
Lexi is a layered and engaging character to follow along with, as she once again attempts to start anew- despite herself she starts to hope, to integrate, but her reality is never far behind her and facing the unknown can be a dark path indeed.
I loved the levels of this story, one in which coming of age is a more than usual challenge. Lexi doesn’t know how to define herself beyond that which her Brother did, a horrific act revealed in stages through her narrative. Her coping mechanisms are many but how can you be yourself when all anyone see’s is that one deeply disturbing event, when they wonder about your own personal demons, when acceptance is non existent.
This then is what she faces, what I loved about this one was the pure authenticity of it, the harsh realities of living a life in someone else’s shadow. The author doesn’t mollycoddle but does offer hope through the people Lexi meets, sometimes that hope is justified sometimes not, but in the entirety of the story there are no easy answers, no palatable closures but genuine possibilities.
If you want complete answers or a neatly wrapped up tale this won’t work for you but if you like to be pushed into thinking outside the box, if you want thought provoking storytelling with strong yet honestly flawed characters then All We Could Have Been should definitely be on your reading radar.
Sometimes Young Adult novels explore the depths of human nature in more complex ways than adult fiction can, this is one of those times so All We Could Have Been comes very much re commended by me.
Lexi is a layered and engaging character to follow along with, as she once again attempts to start anew- despite herself she starts to hope, to integrate, but her reality is never far behind her and facing the unknown can be a dark path indeed.
I loved the levels of this story, one in which coming of age is a more than usual challenge. Lexi doesn’t know how to define herself beyond that which her Brother did, a horrific act revealed in stages through her narrative. Her coping mechanisms are many but how can you be yourself when all anyone see’s is that one deeply disturbing event, when they wonder about your own personal demons, when acceptance is non existent.
This then is what she faces, what I loved about this one was the pure authenticity of it, the harsh realities of living a life in someone else’s shadow. The author doesn’t mollycoddle but does offer hope through the people Lexi meets, sometimes that hope is justified sometimes not, but in the entirety of the story there are no easy answers, no palatable closures but genuine possibilities.
If you want complete answers or a neatly wrapped up tale this won’t work for you but if you like to be pushed into thinking outside the box, if you want thought provoking storytelling with strong yet honestly flawed characters then All We Could Have Been should definitely be on your reading radar.
Sometimes Young Adult novels explore the depths of human nature in more complex ways than adult fiction can, this is one of those times so All We Could Have Been comes very much re commended by me.
May 25, 2019
All We Could Have Been is a very emotional book. It tackles about serious issues. This book is about a girl who live with her grief, shame, and trauma. It's all because the crime that her brother did.
I pity Lexie for what she has been through. I hurt so much for her and Marcus. I feel sorry for her because she needs to change name and move from one place to another just because she want to keep her identity and because of what her brother did. Lexie's parents sent her to therapy but what about her coping mechanism? I understand that her parents are also dealing with their own trauma, but they shouldn't forget about their daughter. It is not enough to just say to lay-low and do not attract attention. They need to be there for their daughter.
The relationship between Lexie and Marcus is what I adore. They are not the romantic couple but their relationship was built on a need of support, trust and understanding. I think everyone needs that in a relationship.
Other characters in this book are just beautiful except for Ryan because he's unreasonable and selfish. I didn't really like Chloe but I respect her because she respect other;s feelings. And I loved Aunt Susie so much. She's the best motherly character I've ever known (in books).
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this book and this is a good read for me.
Disclaimer: Thank you Pansing for sending me a copy of All We Could Have Been. This book is available in all good bookstores.
I pity Lexie for what she has been through. I hurt so much for her and Marcus. I feel sorry for her because she needs to change name and move from one place to another just because she want to keep her identity and because of what her brother did. Lexie's parents sent her to therapy but what about her coping mechanism? I understand that her parents are also dealing with their own trauma, but they shouldn't forget about their daughter. It is not enough to just say to lay-low and do not attract attention. They need to be there for their daughter.
The relationship between Lexie and Marcus is what I adore. They are not the romantic couple but their relationship was built on a need of support, trust and understanding. I think everyone needs that in a relationship.
Other characters in this book are just beautiful except for Ryan because he's unreasonable and selfish. I didn't really like Chloe but I respect her because she respect other;s feelings. And I loved Aunt Susie so much. She's the best motherly character I've ever known (in books).
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this book and this is a good read for me.
Disclaimer: Thank you Pansing for sending me a copy of All We Could Have Been. This book is available in all good bookstores.
April 12, 2025
It’s been quite a while since I read the authors other work “I Stop Somewhere’ but I’m sure I enjoyed that one a lot more.
Lexi moves around every year. She lives with a different relative and moves to a different school hoping no one will discover the truth about her past.
The first half we are left to guess at what the secret is that involves her brother. We see her navigate a new school, make friends and join the drama group.
The second half falls after she decides to share her past, and the aftermath that follows.
It does a great job of depicting how fake people can be. Especially teenagers. It did take a while to get going, and we never really get into the nitty gritty of why her brother did what he did.
Of course there was the unnecessary romance thrown in. But I did enjoy the asexual representation in this book, and the friendships.
Lexi moves around every year. She lives with a different relative and moves to a different school hoping no one will discover the truth about her past.
The first half we are left to guess at what the secret is that involves her brother. We see her navigate a new school, make friends and join the drama group.
The second half falls after she decides to share her past, and the aftermath that follows.
It does a great job of depicting how fake people can be. Especially teenagers. It did take a while to get going, and we never really get into the nitty gritty of why her brother did what he did.
Of course there was the unnecessary romance thrown in. But I did enjoy the asexual representation in this book, and the friendships.
April 20, 2019
~*Check out all my reviews over on The Bent Bookworm!*~
All We Could Have Been was a very emotional book. While it is YA, it tackles some very adult themes and thoughts – maybe because the main characters, while still teenagers, have both experienced life events that forced them to grow up very quickly. It seems to be marketed as a thriller, which isn’t entirely accurate as it mostly focuses on the aftermath of a crime rather than the events around the crime. There are some flashback sort of memories about it though, so I guess maybe that’s why…YA thriller seems to be a hard genre to pin down.
Feels
I hurt so much for Lexi. For Marcus, too, but mainly for Lexie. She has been so scarred by her brother’s actions and the hatred that people in general turned on her family after his crime, that she has (as many of us do) started to believe it of herself.
Lexie’s parents have tried, but they’ve been dealing with their own trauma, and haven’t entirely kept up with their very nearly adult daughter. Their best advice to her is to lay low, not attract attention, and please-for-the-love-of-god maybe consider not color coding her clothes to the day of the week. Despite sending her to a therapist, they seem to have no grasp of how important coping mechanisms are to Lexie, even something as small as clothing colors.
I also caught a case of the feels for Lexie and Marcus together. They aren’t the most romantic couple – their relationship is built more on a need for support and understanding that they can’t seem to find from anyone else. While I wouldn’t ever *recommend* a romantic relationship based on such, the fact is that it happens often, I’ve been IN a relationship like that, and sometimes it is what people need at that time. Such relationships may not be the most lasting, but they have their place.
Lexie grew SO MUCH in the course of this story. She’s not perfect, or “fixed” as some might be inclined to call it, but she makes so much progress. She keeps trying. Which, as anyone with depression or anxiety can tell you – IS HUGE. Sometimes it is so difficult to keep trying.
Characters
Aside from Lexie, there is an entire cast of other interesting people! This made me really happy because often secondary characters are so similar I can’t remember who is who or did what.
- There is, of course, Marcus – who is supposed to be this bad boy with a horrible reputation, when all he really seems to be is a kid who did what he had to do to survive and ended up getting swept under the rug by the school system.
- Ryan is Lexie’s first real friend at her new school, and he has a secret too, but one that’s entirely personal. I really like Ryan, until about the middle of the book, when he does something that seems entirely selfish and unreasonable and very out of character, IMO. Meh.
- Chloe – Chloe is somewhat petty and self-centered, but she has a respect for human feeling that a lot of people don’t. I can respect her, in the end, even if I didn’t really like her.
- Aunt Susie – I love adult characters that I can empathize with. This is probably less of a big deal for the intended audience of All We Might Have Been, but as an adult reader I totally felt a kinship with her. She is Lexie’s mother’s sister, and while she is trying to be the “parent” figure Lexie’s parents want her to be, she ends up treating Lexie more like an adult. Huge props.
Setting
Most of the book takes place in and around Lexie’s high school – the one she’s starting at the beginning of her senior year in hopes she can make it 160 days. Normally I’m annoyed by school settings, but this one didn’t bother me, I think because it was much more character focused than it was on any particular setting.
Negatives
Mainly Ryan’s abrupt character switch in the middle of the story. I felt like it was unnecessary and really sad – and very NOT in character for him. It really dampened the entire rest of the book. Also in the beginning there is some weird, over-the-top descriptions that really threw me for a loop…I think maybe the author was trying to get Lexie’s sort of dry, sarcastic humor across but it really just felt strange.
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For all the ways I want to disappear and not let people see me, it still cuts me every time they don’t.
All We Could Have Been was a very emotional book. While it is YA, it tackles some very adult themes and thoughts – maybe because the main characters, while still teenagers, have both experienced life events that forced them to grow up very quickly. It seems to be marketed as a thriller, which isn’t entirely accurate as it mostly focuses on the aftermath of a crime rather than the events around the crime. There are some flashback sort of memories about it though, so I guess maybe that’s why…YA thriller seems to be a hard genre to pin down.
Feels
I hurt so much for Lexi. For Marcus, too, but mainly for Lexie. She has been so scarred by her brother’s actions and the hatred that people in general turned on her family after his crime, that she has (as many of us do) started to believe it of herself.
You ruin everything, I remind myself. There’s nothing you can keep safe.
Lexie’s parents have tried, but they’ve been dealing with their own trauma, and haven’t entirely kept up with their very nearly adult daughter. Their best advice to her is to lay low, not attract attention, and please-for-the-love-of-god maybe consider not color coding her clothes to the day of the week. Despite sending her to a therapist, they seem to have no grasp of how important coping mechanisms are to Lexie, even something as small as clothing colors.
I also caught a case of the feels for Lexie and Marcus together. They aren’t the most romantic couple – their relationship is built more on a need for support and understanding that they can’t seem to find from anyone else. While I wouldn’t ever *recommend* a romantic relationship based on such, the fact is that it happens often, I’ve been IN a relationship like that, and sometimes it is what people need at that time. Such relationships may not be the most lasting, but they have their place.
Lexie grew SO MUCH in the course of this story. She’s not perfect, or “fixed” as some might be inclined to call it, but she makes so much progress. She keeps trying. Which, as anyone with depression or anxiety can tell you – IS HUGE. Sometimes it is so difficult to keep trying.
Characters
Aside from Lexie, there is an entire cast of other interesting people! This made me really happy because often secondary characters are so similar I can’t remember who is who or did what.
- There is, of course, Marcus – who is supposed to be this bad boy with a horrible reputation, when all he really seems to be is a kid who did what he had to do to survive and ended up getting swept under the rug by the school system.
- Ryan is Lexie’s first real friend at her new school, and he has a secret too, but one that’s entirely personal. I really like Ryan, until about the middle of the book, when he does something that seems entirely selfish and unreasonable and very out of character, IMO. Meh.
- Chloe – Chloe is somewhat petty and self-centered, but she has a respect for human feeling that a lot of people don’t. I can respect her, in the end, even if I didn’t really like her.
- Aunt Susie – I love adult characters that I can empathize with. This is probably less of a big deal for the intended audience of All We Might Have Been, but as an adult reader I totally felt a kinship with her. She is Lexie’s mother’s sister, and while she is trying to be the “parent” figure Lexie’s parents want her to be, she ends up treating Lexie more like an adult. Huge props.
Setting
Most of the book takes place in and around Lexie’s high school – the one she’s starting at the beginning of her senior year in hopes she can make it 160 days. Normally I’m annoyed by school settings, but this one didn’t bother me, I think because it was much more character focused than it was on any particular setting.
Negatives
Mainly Ryan’s abrupt character switch in the middle of the story. I felt like it was unnecessary and really sad – and very NOT in character for him. It really dampened the entire rest of the book. Also in the beginning there is some weird, over-the-top descriptions that really threw me for a loop…I think maybe the author was trying to get Lexie’s sort of dry, sarcastic humor across but it really just felt strange.
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May 3, 2019
A high school drama that involves all the basic elements such as jealousy, fake rumors, rivalry and a lot of dark secrets. ‘All We Could Have Been’ deals with accepting oneself, grief and a lot of other emotional trouble that is usually quite difficult to deal with during one’s teenage years.
Alexia had been haunted by her brother’s crimes all her life and that made her change places and schools a lot.
When she decided to stay at one place just to complete her senior year, she meets Marcus and Ryan- both of them, poles apart in character.
This is followed by the typical teenage drama and it all starts to get boring and monotonous. The whole concept of vengeance, jealousy, and fights only makes the plot more dramatic and full of grief.
I could not connect with the characters. It was very difficult to enter their fragile, teenage minds and that slowed me down. As the story progressed I stopped expecting anything extraordinary and let the author take me wherever she was headed with the story.
I wouldn,t say that I dislike the book, but honestly, I didn’t like it very much.
I would recommend it to people who like high school drama such as Gossip Girl etc. this might be the right fit for them, as it certainly wasn’t for my adult brain.
Alexia had been haunted by her brother’s crimes all her life and that made her change places and schools a lot.
When she decided to stay at one place just to complete her senior year, she meets Marcus and Ryan- both of them, poles apart in character.
This is followed by the typical teenage drama and it all starts to get boring and monotonous. The whole concept of vengeance, jealousy, and fights only makes the plot more dramatic and full of grief.
I could not connect with the characters. It was very difficult to enter their fragile, teenage minds and that slowed me down. As the story progressed I stopped expecting anything extraordinary and let the author take me wherever she was headed with the story.
I wouldn,t say that I dislike the book, but honestly, I didn’t like it very much.
I would recommend it to people who like high school drama such as Gossip Girl etc. this might be the right fit for them, as it certainly wasn’t for my adult brain.
July 23, 2019
3.8 stars
May 3, 2019
*2.5 Stars*
I was provided an ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Lexie has been through a lot. She has has to move around because of what happened some years ago and has never been able to settle since. The trauma still haunts her and she would do anything to get her life back on track.
I couldn't get into the story. I couldn't stand the main character, couldn't connect with her. i get that she'd been through a lot but I still didn't find anything really interesting about her and most of her choices were questionable. The love story didn't hold my interest and I didn't really like the other characters either. The writing style wasn't really my thing either. I often found myself wondering why they were so many metaphors coming out of nowhere. It really wasn't for me.
I was provided an ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Lexie has been through a lot. She has has to move around because of what happened some years ago and has never been able to settle since. The trauma still haunts her and she would do anything to get her life back on track.
I couldn't get into the story. I couldn't stand the main character, couldn't connect with her. i get that she'd been through a lot but I still didn't find anything really interesting about her and most of her choices were questionable. The love story didn't hold my interest and I didn't really like the other characters either. The writing style wasn't really my thing either. I often found myself wondering why they were so many metaphors coming out of nowhere. It really wasn't for me.
April 20, 2019
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Thank you to the publisher for providing a copy in exchange for my honest review*
After her brother committed a violent crime, Lexi's entire life changed. For the past 5 years, Lexi has moved several times to live with various relatives once people discovered what her brother did. Now, living with her Aunt, she is determined to stay in one place for her senior year of high school.
This book started off well for me, but eventually went down hill. I was initially excited about Lexi and her story and how she was trying to become her own person without being clouded by what her brother had done. Unfortunately, the 'love cures all' trope reared its ugly head and I stopped enjoying the story. It was also an insane case of insta-love. Lexi and the love interest see each other twice and then are apparently in love... I was also not a big fan of the way Ryan treated Lexi. I can't go into much detail as it spoils the book, but I found him to be extremely hypocritical.
Thank you to the publisher for providing a copy in exchange for my honest review*
After her brother committed a violent crime, Lexi's entire life changed. For the past 5 years, Lexi has moved several times to live with various relatives once people discovered what her brother did. Now, living with her Aunt, she is determined to stay in one place for her senior year of high school.
This book started off well for me, but eventually went down hill. I was initially excited about Lexi and her story and how she was trying to become her own person without being clouded by what her brother had done. Unfortunately, the 'love cures all' trope reared its ugly head and I stopped enjoying the story. It was also an insane case of insta-love. Lexi and the love interest see each other twice and then are apparently in love... I was also not a big fan of the way Ryan treated Lexi. I can't go into much detail as it spoils the book, but I found him to be extremely hypocritical.
February 23, 2019
T.E. Carter's I Stop Somewhere was striking and intense, and also the reason I highly anticipated All We Could Have Been . I didn't expect a replica of Carter's first novel, but something that evoked the same feelings. Something that made me stop and think. All We Could Have Been did the opposite.
Alexia moves in with her aunt after five years of living with different relatives. Her brother committed a heinous crime when she was 12, and it shattered their family. Her parents sold their house and moved into a condo, her brother went to jail, and Lexi temporarily lived with a family member until someone discovered her secret at school and the harassment started. Then she vanished, relocating to a different state with a new relative and a new name.
She's determined to remain in one place for her senior year and knows her aunt is her last option before heading back to her parents. She meets two boys on her first day of school and is instantly attracted to both for different reasons. Marcus is the dark and brooding bad boy who has class with other lost causes at their school. Ryan is quiet and sweet and instantly chauffeurs Lexi into his world of drama club with his voracious friends Rory, Lauren, and Chloe. From here the repeated cliches start that I've read hundreds of times. Chloe likes Ryan but Ryan doesn't like her, despite the two of them dating in the past for a short time. Rory is an advocate for injustice with a second passion for drama. Lauren doesn't have any attributes, she's just a placeholder that is initially friendly to Lexi.
Lexi and Ryan grow closer as the months progress while Chloe simmers in the distance, shooting daggers at Lexi for moving in on her territory. Except Lexi realizes she doesn't like Ryan that way. She likes Marcus despite hanging with him twice in a matter of two months. Ryan informs Lexi one day that he's told all their drama friends that they're dating, without Lexi's consent. Lexi doesn't seem to care, and agrees to fake date him so everyone thinks they're a pair when in reality Ryan is asexual and wants Chloe to leave him alone while Lexi is sleeping with Marcus.
Months pass, Lexi hangs with her new friends, earns a small part in a play, and life is good. She hangs with Marcus and they both talk about their horrible lives and past memories. Then Lexi decides to tell her new friends about her past and what her brother did; something she's never done before. The results are the same despite Lexi calling all the shots; her so called friends ditch and turn against her and so Lexi retreats to Marcus who remains faithfully by her side.
The story was okay up until this point. After she tells everyone her secret, Ryan becomes angry that Lexi never told him first since they're best friends. He claims that his life has sucked for years and now the student body is going to focus on him and the last thing he wants is for his secret of being asexual to get out. When did Lexi's secret have anything to do with Ryan and his sexuality? It didn't. Ryan manipulates Lexi into being ashamed for not thinking of him before she bravely told everyone her past. I lost all respect for Ryan at that point. He needed to grow up, push his problems aside, and be the "best friend" he claims to be to Lexi after she just confessed something difficult. Instead he makes it about him because apparently the school is going to harass him and somehow discover he's asexual and then bully him despite Lexi only telling everyone the awful crime her brother committed. I'm still not sure how that relates to Ryan. No one is going to give him the time of day when they're gossiping about Lexi.
Like Ryan, Rory's true colors also come out from hiding as she turns on Lexi, belittles her every chance she gets, and harasses her by sticking news articles and flyers on Lexi's locker and everywhere in the school. Why didn't the principal interfere at this point? Why didn't he put a stop to Rory's bullying? The whole school turns against Lexi and I don't understand why. Lexi was a kid when her brother did what he did. She had no part in it. She and her family live with enough guilt, shame, tragedy, and depression everyday because none of them knew what their son/brother was capable of. Lexi is a different human being than her brother. Why did no one get this? Even Lauren asked Lexi why she wasn't suffering and sad enough after knowing what her brother did. That is none of Lauren's business. She shouldn't be making assumptions and judging based on her own limited knowledge. How dare she tell someone how they should feel in the wake of trauma.
The next issue is Lexi latching onto Marcus and making him her anchor. Sure, he supports her and understands who she is because of her past and that's wonderful, but that's the thing. Lexi shouldn't place him on a pedestal and make him her reason to get up each day and live. Relying on someone else isn't going to heal you. You have to heal yourself and not base your emotions on a person that could disappear the following day. Marcus can be there for Lexi and support her, but the story would have been stronger if Lexi had been more independent and found a healthy method of coping instead of turning Marcus into her rescuer.
Life isn't a fairy tale. No one is going to rescue you when you're kicked down to the ground and screaming for mercy. You have to learn to put on armor, sharpen your sword, stand back up, and fight for yourself.
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.
Alexia moves in with her aunt after five years of living with different relatives. Her brother committed a heinous crime when she was 12, and it shattered their family. Her parents sold their house and moved into a condo, her brother went to jail, and Lexi temporarily lived with a family member until someone discovered her secret at school and the harassment started. Then she vanished, relocating to a different state with a new relative and a new name.
She's determined to remain in one place for her senior year and knows her aunt is her last option before heading back to her parents. She meets two boys on her first day of school and is instantly attracted to both for different reasons. Marcus is the dark and brooding bad boy who has class with other lost causes at their school. Ryan is quiet and sweet and instantly chauffeurs Lexi into his world of drama club with his voracious friends Rory, Lauren, and Chloe. From here the repeated cliches start that I've read hundreds of times. Chloe likes Ryan but Ryan doesn't like her, despite the two of them dating in the past for a short time. Rory is an advocate for injustice with a second passion for drama. Lauren doesn't have any attributes, she's just a placeholder that is initially friendly to Lexi.
Lexi and Ryan grow closer as the months progress while Chloe simmers in the distance, shooting daggers at Lexi for moving in on her territory. Except Lexi realizes she doesn't like Ryan that way. She likes Marcus despite hanging with him twice in a matter of two months. Ryan informs Lexi one day that he's told all their drama friends that they're dating, without Lexi's consent. Lexi doesn't seem to care, and agrees to fake date him so everyone thinks they're a pair when in reality Ryan is asexual and wants Chloe to leave him alone while Lexi is sleeping with Marcus.
Months pass, Lexi hangs with her new friends, earns a small part in a play, and life is good. She hangs with Marcus and they both talk about their horrible lives and past memories. Then Lexi decides to tell her new friends about her past and what her brother did; something she's never done before. The results are the same despite Lexi calling all the shots; her so called friends ditch and turn against her and so Lexi retreats to Marcus who remains faithfully by her side.
The story was okay up until this point. After she tells everyone her secret, Ryan becomes angry that Lexi never told him first since they're best friends. He claims that his life has sucked for years and now the student body is going to focus on him and the last thing he wants is for his secret of being asexual to get out. When did Lexi's secret have anything to do with Ryan and his sexuality? It didn't. Ryan manipulates Lexi into being ashamed for not thinking of him before she bravely told everyone her past. I lost all respect for Ryan at that point. He needed to grow up, push his problems aside, and be the "best friend" he claims to be to Lexi after she just confessed something difficult. Instead he makes it about him because apparently the school is going to harass him and somehow discover he's asexual and then bully him despite Lexi only telling everyone the awful crime her brother committed. I'm still not sure how that relates to Ryan. No one is going to give him the time of day when they're gossiping about Lexi.
Like Ryan, Rory's true colors also come out from hiding as she turns on Lexi, belittles her every chance she gets, and harasses her by sticking news articles and flyers on Lexi's locker and everywhere in the school. Why didn't the principal interfere at this point? Why didn't he put a stop to Rory's bullying? The whole school turns against Lexi and I don't understand why. Lexi was a kid when her brother did what he did. She had no part in it. She and her family live with enough guilt, shame, tragedy, and depression everyday because none of them knew what their son/brother was capable of. Lexi is a different human being than her brother. Why did no one get this? Even Lauren asked Lexi why she wasn't suffering and sad enough after knowing what her brother did. That is none of Lauren's business. She shouldn't be making assumptions and judging based on her own limited knowledge. How dare she tell someone how they should feel in the wake of trauma.
The next issue is Lexi latching onto Marcus and making him her anchor. Sure, he supports her and understands who she is because of her past and that's wonderful, but that's the thing. Lexi shouldn't place him on a pedestal and make him her reason to get up each day and live. Relying on someone else isn't going to heal you. You have to heal yourself and not base your emotions on a person that could disappear the following day. Marcus can be there for Lexi and support her, but the story would have been stronger if Lexi had been more independent and found a healthy method of coping instead of turning Marcus into her rescuer.
Life isn't a fairy tale. No one is going to rescue you when you're kicked down to the ground and screaming for mercy. You have to learn to put on armor, sharpen your sword, stand back up, and fight for yourself.
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.
May 28, 2019
My review on www.bookread2day.wordpress.com
A touching story. Every year Lexie chooses a different relative to live with, so she can start a new school in a new town. She one goal in life to survive a full school year with 180 days with a new name, new home, and new persona and to last 162 school days. It's strange but when Lexie changes her school, she changes her name too. This time she is Lexie Lawlor and she promises herself that this time she won't get close to anyone. Will Lexie be able to keep her promise to herself ? And Why does Lexie change her school frequently and her name ? How long can Lexie keep on running away before the truth catches up with her? And what is the truth ? I could picture this whole thing taking place, step by step. I'm sure it would make a good TV drama series.
A touching story. Every year Lexie chooses a different relative to live with, so she can start a new school in a new town. She one goal in life to survive a full school year with 180 days with a new name, new home, and new persona and to last 162 school days. It's strange but when Lexie changes her school, she changes her name too. This time she is Lexie Lawlor and she promises herself that this time she won't get close to anyone. Will Lexie be able to keep her promise to herself ? And Why does Lexie change her school frequently and her name ? How long can Lexie keep on running away before the truth catches up with her? And what is the truth ? I could picture this whole thing taking place, step by step. I'm sure it would make a good TV drama series.
August 6, 2018
What an interesting book. It’s about a girl who lives with the grief, shame, and trauma inflicted on her by her brother’s crime.
It’s a good look into how each of us lives with the crimes committed by others.
It’s a good look into how each of us lives with the crimes committed by others.
April 6, 2019
The only thing that kept me reading was the premise which ended up being very one dimensional. It also bothered me that the dialogue in this was very robotic. Not a fun time!
April 26, 2019
2.5 STARS
Since Something Happened in Alexia’s family when she was twelve, she’s lived in the homes of different family members, avoiding the fallout. Now a senior Lexi lives in public housing with her Aunt Susie, determined to keep her family’s past hidden for 162 days until graduation.
I loved TE Carter’s debut, I STOP SOMEWHERE and immediately preordered ALL WE COULD HAVE BEEN when it became available as one of my most anticipated 2019 releases. Disappointment is too mild a word to describe my feelings about ALL WE COULD HAVE BEEN.
Early on we learn Lexi’s brother did a Bad Thing. She’s traumatized not just by the Bad Thing, but by how people have treated her since. About 40% in, we discover the crime Scott committed and while terrible, it felt bland and anticlimactic. Additionally, we never get real insight into why and how the crime occurred.
Anyone who’s been to school knows that kids can be unkind, sometimes even downright mean. Most aren’t sociopathological in how they treat their peers, despite what movies and books portray. The way one student overtly bullies Lexi would never be tolerated. I give Carter credit for giving two students some level of consciencence.
Carter also did a nice job presenting mental illness, particularly Lexi’s PTSD and OCD symptoms, accurately.
Carter’s word building made ALL WE COULD HAVE BEEN a pleasant, but slow read. I’m still a fan and will likely preorder her next book.
Since Something Happened in Alexia’s family when she was twelve, she’s lived in the homes of different family members, avoiding the fallout. Now a senior Lexi lives in public housing with her Aunt Susie, determined to keep her family’s past hidden for 162 days until graduation.
I loved TE Carter’s debut, I STOP SOMEWHERE and immediately preordered ALL WE COULD HAVE BEEN when it became available as one of my most anticipated 2019 releases. Disappointment is too mild a word to describe my feelings about ALL WE COULD HAVE BEEN.
Early on we learn Lexi’s brother did a Bad Thing. She’s traumatized not just by the Bad Thing, but by how people have treated her since. About 40% in, we discover the crime Scott committed and while terrible, it felt bland and anticlimactic. Additionally, we never get real insight into why and how the crime occurred.
Anyone who’s been to school knows that kids can be unkind, sometimes even downright mean. Most aren’t sociopathological in how they treat their peers, despite what movies and books portray. The way one student overtly bullies Lexi would never be tolerated. I give Carter credit for giving two students some level of consciencence.
Carter also did a nice job presenting mental illness, particularly Lexi’s PTSD and OCD symptoms, accurately.
Carter’s word building made ALL WE COULD HAVE BEEN a pleasant, but slow read. I’m still a fan and will likely preorder her next book.
June 28, 2019
A lot of the reviews say this is a very emotional book. If it is, I somehow missed it. I only finished it because I finish books. I also needed something to focus on while the blasting "music" from the Rock Row concerts kept the neighborhood awake. I didn't like any of the characters except perhaps Ryan who creates lawn ornaments. I also question the idea of asking a minor sibling of a confessed and convicted murderer her opinion about his chances of rehabilitation.
May 12, 2019
I received a advanced copy of this book via NetGalley.
My favorite premise for a book is just an idea. “What would it be like if I was ______ ?”
In the case of the 17 year old main character of All We Could Have Been “what would it be like to be the younger sister of a murderer?” How would people treat you? When can you start living or will you always pay the price for someone else’s crime? Who do you trust with your past and when are you required to disclose it?
I thought T.E. Carter did an excellent job of displaying Alexia’s pain without exhausting the reader with her insecurities and self-pity. And she managed to give Alexia a honest teenage voice and a sense of humor even in the midst of this dark subject matter. All the supporting characters are fleshed out and real even when the reader doesn’t understand their motivations or is disappointed by their actions.
I recommend this to anyone that likes to read darker or heavier YA subject matter that also has a romantic storyline as well. It has a thoughtful portrayal of PTSD, self-harm and anxiety for readers that are interested in exploring these topics but not in a heavy handed way.
My favorite premise for a book is just an idea. “What would it be like if I was ______ ?”
In the case of the 17 year old main character of All We Could Have Been “what would it be like to be the younger sister of a murderer?” How would people treat you? When can you start living or will you always pay the price for someone else’s crime? Who do you trust with your past and when are you required to disclose it?
I thought T.E. Carter did an excellent job of displaying Alexia’s pain without exhausting the reader with her insecurities and self-pity. And she managed to give Alexia a honest teenage voice and a sense of humor even in the midst of this dark subject matter. All the supporting characters are fleshed out and real even when the reader doesn’t understand their motivations or is disappointed by their actions.
I recommend this to anyone that likes to read darker or heavier YA subject matter that also has a romantic storyline as well. It has a thoughtful portrayal of PTSD, self-harm and anxiety for readers that are interested in exploring these topics but not in a heavy handed way.
February 9, 2019
How would you handle it if you had to move each year because people kept finding out your past? Alexia has a secret that haunts her, that brings along crippling flashbacks, and that causes anyone who finds out about it to ridicule and ostracize her.
Now, just trying to finish high school in yet another new town, she meets two boys, Marcus and Ryan. One becomes a fast friend and one becomes something more. Lexi longs to overcome her past and open up about it, but what happens if she actually does? Will it be just another dismal end to a year in a new place, another failed new beginning? Or might this place, with these people be just the opportunity for healing that she so desperately desires?
I will say this, when the reality of Lexi's past comes to light, it will surprise the reader. The depths of Lexi's trauma will feel real and the reader can't help but feel her pain. This is a story of dealing, healing, friendship, and moving on. It certainly wasn't what I was expecting, but that's a good thing. Definitely worth a read! Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC!
Now, just trying to finish high school in yet another new town, she meets two boys, Marcus and Ryan. One becomes a fast friend and one becomes something more. Lexi longs to overcome her past and open up about it, but what happens if she actually does? Will it be just another dismal end to a year in a new place, another failed new beginning? Or might this place, with these people be just the opportunity for healing that she so desperately desires?
I will say this, when the reality of Lexi's past comes to light, it will surprise the reader. The depths of Lexi's trauma will feel real and the reader can't help but feel her pain. This is a story of dealing, healing, friendship, and moving on. It certainly wasn't what I was expecting, but that's a good thing. Definitely worth a read! Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC!
April 18, 2019
The pace of this story was painstakingly slow and it quickly made me lose interest. I find this book to be pretty cliche to me even though the main character is going through a difficult time with guilt, feeling helpless and hopeless.
I really hoped that even throughout the end, Lexie wouldn't be treated so badly by the ones whom she considers to be her friends. She doesn't deserve to be treated this way especially after going through so much. They should be consoling and comforting her because knowing that she has gone through all that, those who purposely hurt her are really inhumane. There's really no hope for them anymore.
I wish that the author would have elaborated even further for Lexie's future and even what she plans to do after finishing high school. It may be the last thing on her mind but I find that it will make the readers feel assured that she's moving on with her life and leaving the demons behind her. The ending was really abrupt too and a bit unresolved. It ended just like that.
This book has given me a perspective regarding someone who has dealt through a very rough patch and continuously living her life as a survivor and fighter. It was insightful that it gives across a message to be more cautious of our actions toward others.
I really hoped that even throughout the end, Lexie wouldn't be treated so badly by the ones whom she considers to be her friends. She doesn't deserve to be treated this way especially after going through so much. They should be consoling and comforting her because knowing that she has gone through all that, those who purposely hurt her are really inhumane. There's really no hope for them anymore.
I wish that the author would have elaborated even further for Lexie's future and even what she plans to do after finishing high school. It may be the last thing on her mind but I find that it will make the readers feel assured that she's moving on with her life and leaving the demons behind her. The ending was really abrupt too and a bit unresolved. It ended just like that.
This book has given me a perspective regarding someone who has dealt through a very rough patch and continuously living her life as a survivor and fighter. It was insightful that it gives across a message to be more cautious of our actions toward others.
March 10, 2021
It’s kind of annoying when an entire novel is based on an event that they don’t share with you. Of course it comes up eventually, but far too late in the story. After every chapter you ask yourself “What the FUCK is going on? To what are they referring to?”
But Lexi continues to allude you, page after page. You have pieces of the puzzle, but you cannot see the bigger picture. It’s infuriating, but I guess it gives you a reason to keep reading. I guess I’m just being whiny, because she finally spilled the beans less than half way through the book. It kind of made me wonder what the big deal was. I get it, but.. It just didn’t seem like a good enough reason for her to have to leave everything behind and start over again and again. After all, none of it was her fault. Nothing happened because of her. It was her brother’s responsibility, his mistake, and his alone. You think that kind of thing would blow over at least a little bit 5 years later. Maybe I’m wrong, but I just don’t see how you can judge people for what another member of their family has done. But I guess kids are cruel. Teenagers are cruel. PEOPLE are cruel.
Either way, I enjoyed the story. It was an interesting read. While I was annoyed in the beginning, I quite liked the way the rest of the story played out.
But Lexi continues to allude you, page after page. You have pieces of the puzzle, but you cannot see the bigger picture. It’s infuriating, but I guess it gives you a reason to keep reading. I guess I’m just being whiny, because she finally spilled the beans less than half way through the book. It kind of made me wonder what the big deal was. I get it, but.. It just didn’t seem like a good enough reason for her to have to leave everything behind and start over again and again. After all, none of it was her fault. Nothing happened because of her. It was her brother’s responsibility, his mistake, and his alone. You think that kind of thing would blow over at least a little bit 5 years later. Maybe I’m wrong, but I just don’t see how you can judge people for what another member of their family has done. But I guess kids are cruel. Teenagers are cruel. PEOPLE are cruel.
Either way, I enjoyed the story. It was an interesting read. While I was annoyed in the beginning, I quite liked the way the rest of the story played out.
April 15, 2019
Lexi has been running for five years. Ever since she came home that day after school and watched her brother being taken away by the police. When people see her now, all they see is what her brother did. They say Lexi has the same thing inside of her and aren't very nice about it. Hoping to start over again, she moves in with her Aunt for senior year. No one knows who she is here and she wants to keep it that way!
It's clear that pretending is leaving a mark on Lexi. She has lots of anxiety, doesn't want to get too close to people, has to wear a certain color on a certain day and she's afraid to let slip who she really is. This author really wrote this so well. I felt all the emotions Lexi was going though! Her grief not only for what happened to her brother who was her best friend, but the question if she could've known it was going to happen?
All Lexi wants is to feel normal. She feels guilty for feeling that way though. Why should she live normally when the family her brother devestated is left picking up the pieces. Especially when people find out and start looking at you differently, blaming you, thinking you'll do the same thing. I thought the author described this well. In the world these days, people are so easy to judge. Your family member did something, so you automatically are the same. It's so unfair to Lexi, because they don't even want to see what she's going through.
It was nice seeing Lexi find her own normal. Being friends with Ryan and joining drama, even the beginning of a relationship with Marcus. While I would normally say that love doesn't really fit into a story like this, it's perfect in All We Could Have Been. Lexi needed to find someone that she truste, felt comfortable with, who didn't turn away when they found out the truth. Marcus doesn't have the most normal life either, so he was perfect. Lexi could start feeling normal and start to trust again.
I think my favorite part of this book was seeing Lexi grow. Starting to come to terms that she is allowed to live her life. She isn't responsible for what her brother did and shouldn't feel bad for wanting her own normal. Just because something awful happened, that doesn't define who she is. Lexi is her own person and gets to be happy.
I loved that the author built up to us finding out what Lexi's brother did. It shouldn't matter what he did, because it has nothing to do with her. All We Could Have been doesn't end with the typical happily ever after and that is a good thing. Stories like this aren't magically better in a few chapters. Not everything is perfect, so why should the ending be that way?
It's clear that pretending is leaving a mark on Lexi. She has lots of anxiety, doesn't want to get too close to people, has to wear a certain color on a certain day and she's afraid to let slip who she really is. This author really wrote this so well. I felt all the emotions Lexi was going though! Her grief not only for what happened to her brother who was her best friend, but the question if she could've known it was going to happen?
All Lexi wants is to feel normal. She feels guilty for feeling that way though. Why should she live normally when the family her brother devestated is left picking up the pieces. Especially when people find out and start looking at you differently, blaming you, thinking you'll do the same thing. I thought the author described this well. In the world these days, people are so easy to judge. Your family member did something, so you automatically are the same. It's so unfair to Lexi, because they don't even want to see what she's going through.
It was nice seeing Lexi find her own normal. Being friends with Ryan and joining drama, even the beginning of a relationship with Marcus. While I would normally say that love doesn't really fit into a story like this, it's perfect in All We Could Have Been. Lexi needed to find someone that she truste, felt comfortable with, who didn't turn away when they found out the truth. Marcus doesn't have the most normal life either, so he was perfect. Lexi could start feeling normal and start to trust again.
I think my favorite part of this book was seeing Lexi grow. Starting to come to terms that she is allowed to live her life. She isn't responsible for what her brother did and shouldn't feel bad for wanting her own normal. Just because something awful happened, that doesn't define who she is. Lexi is her own person and gets to be happy.
I loved that the author built up to us finding out what Lexi's brother did. It shouldn't matter what he did, because it has nothing to do with her. All We Could Have been doesn't end with the typical happily ever after and that is a good thing. Stories like this aren't magically better in a few chapters. Not everything is perfect, so why should the ending be that way?
April 17, 2019
Let me start by saying that, All We Could Have Been is not the type of contemporary story that I normally read. I usually stick with the cute romance stories that, although they deal with real-world issues, generally stay pretty light with heavy doses of humor.
So why did I pick-up All We Could Have Been? I can’t fully explain it. I think a big part of it is that my curiosity got the better of me. I’m not usually big into mysteries, but for some reason I just really needed to know what the “heinous crime” that Lexie’s brother committed was, and how it caused her to develop PTSD.
For five years, Lexie has felt tainted, like the same darkness that lives in her brother, is in her too. She’s also felt guilty. She’s felt like she should have known, or that, if she had just made a small change in her routine that particular day, things would have been different. Lexie already felt horrible for something that she had no part in, and then on top of all that, she has had people of all ages, especially her peers, harassing her. They’ve blamed her for her brother’s actions. They’ve even accused her of not feeling bad enough. Lexie has been struggling to hold it together for so long, and when a fresh set of people started harassing her in All We Could Have Been, I was wishing that I could jump into the story and start reaming out the people. I wanted to yell at them: YOU DUMMIES! SHE’S A VICTIM TOO. *That’s how deeply invested I was in this story*
I’m so glad I gave this book a chance! It grabbed me from the beginning, and held on tight all the way to the end. I cared for, and rooted for Lexie right away. One of the things that this book tries, and I believe succeeds in conveying to us is that it’s not just a victim’s family that suffers when something tragic occurs. What Lexie’s brother did (and I won’t spoil what it was, because this book does a great job of building the dark mystery, by throwing little bread crumbs here and there), inadvertently did a number on Lexie.
So why did I pick-up All We Could Have Been? I can’t fully explain it. I think a big part of it is that my curiosity got the better of me. I’m not usually big into mysteries, but for some reason I just really needed to know what the “heinous crime” that Lexie’s brother committed was, and how it caused her to develop PTSD.
For five years, Lexie has felt tainted, like the same darkness that lives in her brother, is in her too. She’s also felt guilty. She’s felt like she should have known, or that, if she had just made a small change in her routine that particular day, things would have been different. Lexie already felt horrible for something that she had no part in, and then on top of all that, she has had people of all ages, especially her peers, harassing her. They’ve blamed her for her brother’s actions. They’ve even accused her of not feeling bad enough. Lexie has been struggling to hold it together for so long, and when a fresh set of people started harassing her in All We Could Have Been, I was wishing that I could jump into the story and start reaming out the people. I wanted to yell at them: YOU DUMMIES! SHE’S A VICTIM TOO. *That’s how deeply invested I was in this story*
I’m so glad I gave this book a chance! It grabbed me from the beginning, and held on tight all the way to the end. I cared for, and rooted for Lexie right away. One of the things that this book tries, and I believe succeeds in conveying to us is that it’s not just a victim’s family that suffers when something tragic occurs. What Lexie’s brother did (and I won’t spoil what it was, because this book does a great job of building the dark mystery, by throwing little bread crumbs here and there), inadvertently did a number on Lexie.
May 6, 2019
Lexie is used to running. Each year she starts a new school, under a new name, in an attempt to get away from the inevitable bullying when people find out about the awful thing her brother did.
We learn that when Lexie was twelve her brother forgot to pick her up from school. She walked home. She recalls blood, lots of it. And since that time her brother has not been part of her life - although his actions, and the consequences of those actions, permeate every part of her being.
So often in a tragic event, the focus is on those who were lost or the perpetrators. People are suspicious of the family members - how could they not know?
We watch Lexie try to deal in her own way with yet another new beginning. She starts to form tentative friendships and, eventually, makes the decision to tell people the truth. Sadly, not everyone reacts as she’d hoped.
This tried to explore how important it is to feel comfortable with your decisions, but it didn’t quite work for me. The group Lexie allied herself with didn’t seem like young adults (perhaps their petty immaturity was intentional), Lexie herself never really felt like a fully-developed character (again, she’s a work in progress so perhaps this was intentional) and it seemed to send a rather odd message that she only felt strong enough to start addressing some of her issues once she’d had sex.
Thanks to NetGalley for granting me access to this in exchange for my thoughts. Based on other reviews I’ve read, this wasn’t really the book for me but I’m looking forward to reading his first one.
We learn that when Lexie was twelve her brother forgot to pick her up from school. She walked home. She recalls blood, lots of it. And since that time her brother has not been part of her life - although his actions, and the consequences of those actions, permeate every part of her being.
So often in a tragic event, the focus is on those who were lost or the perpetrators. People are suspicious of the family members - how could they not know?
We watch Lexie try to deal in her own way with yet another new beginning. She starts to form tentative friendships and, eventually, makes the decision to tell people the truth. Sadly, not everyone reacts as she’d hoped.
This tried to explore how important it is to feel comfortable with your decisions, but it didn’t quite work for me. The group Lexie allied herself with didn’t seem like young adults (perhaps their petty immaturity was intentional), Lexie herself never really felt like a fully-developed character (again, she’s a work in progress so perhaps this was intentional) and it seemed to send a rather odd message that she only felt strong enough to start addressing some of her issues once she’d had sex.
Thanks to NetGalley for granting me access to this in exchange for my thoughts. Based on other reviews I’ve read, this wasn’t really the book for me but I’m looking forward to reading his first one.
March 1, 2019
Lexi is always the new girl, always starting over thanks to her family's situation and her dead brother. Only this time she's with her aunt and not her parents.
In her latest town she needs to finally make it through a whole school year to get to stay there and make friends and her grades.
As she makes friends with Ryan and gets a feel for her new school, she even wants to join the drama group and perform in their production or Romeo and Juliet.
However a slip of the tongue and her real name and past could just be a Google away...
So when she falls for the guy she gets warned about, Marcus the guy from across the road, she finds herself in danger of revealing her identity and her brother's horrific secret...
A story about discovering love, friendship and how to deal with grief when it hits full force. In the book we see how one person's actions can destroy multiple lives and the impact of devastating actions on the family in this novel are severely moving and sadly understandable. It was a gripping read and was a great book about rebuilding a life and becoming you again.
Many thanks to the publishers for allowing me to review this book for them!
In her latest town she needs to finally make it through a whole school year to get to stay there and make friends and her grades.
As she makes friends with Ryan and gets a feel for her new school, she even wants to join the drama group and perform in their production or Romeo and Juliet.
However a slip of the tongue and her real name and past could just be a Google away...
So when she falls for the guy she gets warned about, Marcus the guy from across the road, she finds herself in danger of revealing her identity and her brother's horrific secret...
A story about discovering love, friendship and how to deal with grief when it hits full force. In the book we see how one person's actions can destroy multiple lives and the impact of devastating actions on the family in this novel are severely moving and sadly understandable. It was a gripping read and was a great book about rebuilding a life and becoming you again.
Many thanks to the publishers for allowing me to review this book for them!
March 7, 2019
Rounding up to 4/5 because I may have been expecting too much from this one.
I loved Carter's first book I Stop Somewhere. It was the kind of book that made you feel something, and kept you on an emotional roller coaster from start to finish. Because of that, I expected this book to be equally enthralling if not as dark.
I liked this book. The story was interesting and the emotions were real. My only real hangups were Ryan's severe and totally selfish reaction to her secret, and her subsequent dependency on Marcus. It all felt a little juvenile and unrealistic (this coming from someone who reads almost exclusively YA).
This book was a solid 3 or 3.5, but I'll admit my high expectations of this book may have colored my judgment, so like I said, rounding up to a 4/5.
I loved Carter's first book I Stop Somewhere. It was the kind of book that made you feel something, and kept you on an emotional roller coaster from start to finish. Because of that, I expected this book to be equally enthralling if not as dark.
I liked this book. The story was interesting and the emotions were real. My only real hangups were Ryan's severe and totally selfish reaction to her secret, and her subsequent dependency on Marcus. It all felt a little juvenile and unrealistic (this coming from someone who reads almost exclusively YA).
This book was a solid 3 or 3.5, but I'll admit my high expectations of this book may have colored my judgment, so like I said, rounding up to a 4/5.
May 21, 2019
Lexi moves to a yet another new school, hoping against hope that this time she will be able to live a normal life. A life where her brother's crime wouldn't catch up with her. Is it too much to ask?
This was an intriguing read, looking at the fallout from reprehensible crimes on the family of the perpetrator. Society tends to apportion blame and guilt to them, sometimes as much as they do the perp themselves. Even other adults were quick to point the finger at Lexi, who was only a child when her brother's crime took place. The pacing of the story was good and I liked the fact that the romance aspect wasn't 'instalove' for once. Overall, I thought it was a thought-provoking read.
Thanks to NetGalley and publishers, Simon & Schuster UK Children's, for the opportunity to read an ARC.
This was an intriguing read, looking at the fallout from reprehensible crimes on the family of the perpetrator. Society tends to apportion blame and guilt to them, sometimes as much as they do the perp themselves. Even other adults were quick to point the finger at Lexi, who was only a child when her brother's crime took place. The pacing of the story was good and I liked the fact that the romance aspect wasn't 'instalove' for once. Overall, I thought it was a thought-provoking read.
Thanks to NetGalley and publishers, Simon & Schuster UK Children's, for the opportunity to read an ARC.
September 18, 2019
This is a truly heartbreaking read about Lexie’s trauma and what she went through due to her brothers actions. She suffers from PTSD/anxiety and makes her move each year to escape people’s comments on her life and what her brother did. She has a hard time making friends and getting close to anyone, which makes it hard to live as a teenager. With this last move-something is different. She starts to go through a healing process, which I loved. The growth of Lexie was great. I too suffer from anxiety and know those spiraling thoughts of the what-if’s and that distorted thinking.
Definitely a great read. I docked a star because the ending was super abrupt and I wished there was an epilogue to see her in the future from moving on what happened with everyone finding out. She was starting to cope with it, but I just wished it took it a bit farther than that with a good time jump.
Definitely a great read. I docked a star because the ending was super abrupt and I wished there was an epilogue to see her in the future from moving on what happened with everyone finding out. She was starting to cope with it, but I just wished it took it a bit farther than that with a good time jump.
November 23, 2022
This was a tough read for me for personal reasons.
Lexi is starting over again, a new school, a new last name, just trying to make it through graduation without everyone finding out her secret- that her brother is a murderer.
This time she’s staying with her aunt, and she soon meets two boys- one a friend who also has a secret he’s desperate to keep and one a boy who has his own baggage but makes her feel like she can possibly be herself.
So much of who we are is defined by how others see us, especially when we’re teens and still struggling just to identify ourselves. It’s so easy to pass judgement on others when you just have a partial view. And Lexi is often her own worst judge and critic.
This is a quiet novel, and it mostly deals with Lexi slowly coming to terms with her life after her brother’s horrific crimes. Trying to make sense of the brother who was her best friend and the now adult man who is behind bars. The guilt and shame she carries for his crimes is heartbreaking but relatable.
Lexi is starting over again, a new school, a new last name, just trying to make it through graduation without everyone finding out her secret- that her brother is a murderer.
This time she’s staying with her aunt, and she soon meets two boys- one a friend who also has a secret he’s desperate to keep and one a boy who has his own baggage but makes her feel like she can possibly be herself.
So much of who we are is defined by how others see us, especially when we’re teens and still struggling just to identify ourselves. It’s so easy to pass judgement on others when you just have a partial view. And Lexi is often her own worst judge and critic.
This is a quiet novel, and it mostly deals with Lexi slowly coming to terms with her life after her brother’s horrific crimes. Trying to make sense of the brother who was her best friend and the now adult man who is behind bars. The guilt and shame she carries for his crimes is heartbreaking but relatable.
April 19, 2019
3.5 Stars- Review posted on novellives.com
May 30, 2019
A really good book in my opinion. It felt realistic and emotional. It gave a strong insight on how families cope through this sort of situation.
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