Three Daughters

by Letty Cottin Pogrebin

Shoshanna struggles to overcome personal demons while working to repair family estrangements, while English professor Leah faces the pain of abandonment, and athlete Rachel watches her carefully constructed world fall apart. Reprint.

Genres: Fiction, Contemporary, Jewish, Drama

388 pages, Paperback

Published September 30, 2003

About the author

LETTY COTTIN POGREBIN, a founding editor of Ms. magazine, is a writer, lecturer, social justice activist, and the author of 10 non-fiction works and two novels, most recently, SINGLE JEWISH MALE SEEKING SOUL MATE, Here you can find her biography, a list of her published works, lecture topics, and a schedule of her public events. www.LettyCottinPogrebin.com She's currently at work on SHANDA: A Memoir of Shame and Secrecy.

Reviews

[Barbara Bryant · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a fun book, although I have to say the writing is a little irritating. I have read some of Pogrebin's non-fiction and enjoyed it, and her style may be more suited to that. It is the story of three girls whose lives are affected in different ways by their experience with their common father and with each other. It is a fairly typical family story--I read elsewhere that the book is good for your vocabulary, and that is probably true, but a lot of the language seems inserted for effect and, even though the Yiddish is fun, a little dictionary of that language would have helped me understand the third of the book I missed through not knowing it.

The style is a little arch in places and the choice to make one of the characters an alliteration maven is more than unfortunate. The story is fairly compelling, though, and I was drawn into it. The relative sadness or dissatisfaction of each character is a universal theme, and though one sister seems more fortunate, she has her own stuff, too. It usually delights me to read Jewish women's fiction, but sometimes the fact that the characters are always intellectual, often well-known and heavily into feminist pursuits makes the audience a little narrower.

Still, I read right through and got involved with the story, enjoying the transitions where one woman was featured more than the others so I got to know each quite well. The "save" at the end was satisfying in a way, but seemed to betray the real feelings of each daughter. In all, I was happy with the book, and I would try another if I come across one.

[Fatima Afridi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Engrossing, intelligent and sophisticated! I felt intrigued throughout and was extremely impressed with the author's depth of observation. It's an outstanding novel for being a first. Very confident tone as well.

[Holly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not completely sure how I feel about this book because I have conflicting thoughts. On one hand it was well written, had interesting characters, use of a great vocabulary and mindful intersections between the characters. On the other hand it dragged in places, all the characters got "stuck" en route and belabored their situations ad infinitum, and perhaps the ending wasn't worth the journey through all those pages. That said, the nuances of the Jewish/Yiddish words that are interspersed are very amusing and the book itself was very informative on all things from Judaism to feminism. It's the story of three sisters who become very different as adults and their relationship not only to one another but to all their family members. This is not a book for everybody but a good book for those who can relate to it.

[Lauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was alright but I think I didn't really connect since it was about sisters.

[Jeoffrey Asuncion · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember reading this book many years ago in a college library. I didn't expect much apart from your usual family drama with a flavor twist in the end. But instead, what I got was a story that I've grown eternally fond of. Every time I re-read it (I bought a copy years later), it reminds me of this comfortable feeling of being at home with a family that loves each other dearly. Admittedly, I'm far from the book's target audience given its subject matter. But I've nonetheless fallen head-over-heels for the Three Daughters for a lot of reasons, be it the family interactions, the author's well thought out critique of numerous movements, and the way she handled the sensitive subject matter of independence brought about by parental abuse and neglect.

Without spoiling much, the book tells about the three daughters of a respected rabbi. Shoshanna, the youngest, pretty much has the best married life out of the three and is introduced as a working wife with a wonderful husband and darling children and grandchildren. Leah and Rachel are introduced as her elder sisters with a history of secrets and trauma that had shaped them into the women they are at the start of the book. Reading through, I got a sense of giddiness every time they found themselves discussing their histories and small familial conflicts at home. Apart from that, the book also seamlessly teaches readers about Jewish traditions, which is educational for someone like me who isn't all that familiar with it. Both Leah and Rachel would sometimes speak their minds about Judaism in general, either critiquing the old ways or discussing what it means to be a good jew in a world that seems to be shying away from faith and tradition.

All these had a hand in enjoyment I experienced when reading the story. Everything was interesting and well paced thanks even when the focus would shift from one thing (coming of age tales) to another (marital disputes and self-denial), none of it ends up reading like an info-dump for the unfamiliar.

Admittedly, I felt that it was clear which of the three daughters the author had become enamored with because of the strong focus on her tragedies and misgivings as a wife, a mother, and a leader of a radical movement in the later chapters. The first few parts concerning her made me think that she was going to be the author's voice in critiquing certain aspects of religious traditions, patriarchy, etc. But the more Ms. Pogrebin dove deep into her past and how she ended up where she is in the story, the more it started to make sense how she ended up becoming naturally antagonistic, or that all the good she intends for the people she fights for ends up feeling like an egoistic pursuit when faced with a less confrontational solutions from women like the sisters she sometimes looks down on. It became less meta and more natural as the story went on.

In fact, it was with that character and her relationship with the people she loved that made understand the way my relationships were with some of my close/extended family members who remind me of her. Even though her conflicts were far from what I experienced in real life, that daughter's journey was expertly written in a way that universal themes like generational abuse, abandonment, and looking up to someone for the sake of being "seen" resonated with me perfectly.

Other themes such as Judaism, American and religious feminism, and long-term marital doubts were also written well here. Some might think the story gets a little melodramatic like most family-centric stories, and I don't blame them for thinking so. However, I personally it doesn't detract from the enjoyment, and there are plenty of reasons for people to enjoy the tales these three daughters have. The interactions above all are why I've come to consider this a comfort book in my collection. The drama comes second to the kind of wholesome (and contrarian) dynamics Shoshie, Leah, and Rachel have with one another and their families. It's uplifting in a lot of ways, plus insightful if it resonates with you. But perhaps most important of all, the most beautiful thing I've read in this was the overarching theme of finding closure and forgiveness for the people who you think have either wronged you or had a hand in negatively impacting your perception of life.

Sure, this sounds like a bittersweet theme compared to the others, but then again not all wounds can heal from a single confrontation. Sometimes, it's about looking back at the journey and seeing the good in it and moving on, instead of being a slave to the woes of your history forever.

As Leah said in her chapter, "To live in the past is to live alone."

This is one book I intend to revisit over and over again. It's good enough that I'd want a sequel, but I'm happy with it as a standalone.

I give it a 5/5.

[Fran Luckom-Nurnberg · Rating 3 out of 5]

Though dense with information and infrequently used vocabulary, if you identify with the topics of this book; Judaism and Feminism, it is interesting and well written. The plot, dissonance and secrets between family members, seems in service of the topics the author wanted to discuss. Pogrebin knows her characters‘ behaviors, dynamics and interactions well, but the final outcome of their angst is more related to what didn’t get said between and for them than the reveal at the end explains. Thus, the information gleaned throughout the book is more intriguing than the plot. Nonetheless, the topics are creatively, at times humorously, and intelligently described. Not for everyone, but for those who relate and are interested in the culture and times described, this could be a thought-provoking read.

[Jessica · Rating 1 out of 5]

The description of this book says that it is bitingly funny, which was great since I was in the mood for a funny book. Well, I chuckled for the first time in page 290. I did not find this to be a funny book at all and actually quite heavy. It was slow and I found myself spacing out several times throughout the book. The fact that it took me over 2 months to read tells me I really did not enjoy this book at all.

[Stacy · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5
Super slow

[Amber Kelly · Rating 1 out of 5]

Awful so slow and boring only finished because I was traveling and had no other book.

[Jenni V. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved this description about something difficult yet necessary: "Yet Shoshanna felt about her lunches with Leah the way she felt about her period: it gave her cramps but she'd be miserable if she missed one."

Having one of the characters laying in bed reviewing her life while unable to sleep was a great way to introduce some backstory, particularly some of the mundane things (she imagined each object in her childhood home as her personal way of counting sheep) that added depth but could be awkward to add in somewhere else.

I rated it 3 stars because I was interested while I was reading it but didn't really miss it when it was over. I would probably read the author again though.

A Few Quotes from the Book

"If only. In the futility of hindsight lies proof that one can never control everything. It's the choices we make without thinking, the coincidences, the accidental confluence of person, place, and time, that chart destiny's detours. Only after the fact can we see how many minor decisions, how many small moves and tiny turns led us to the point of crisis."

"Each of the Wasserman daughters had used marriage to recover from her childhood."

Find all my reviews at: https://readingatrandom.blogspot.com

[Kerri · Rating 1 out of 5]

I hated this book. Maybe its because I'm not going through menopause or the fact that I already took intro to woman's studies and there's no need for a refresher. This is supposed to be the story of three sisters in their 50s, 60s, whatever. They all have secrets and they're relationships aren't that strong, and it returns to their involvement as feminist during the 60s and the second wave, bla bla bla. I seriously just felt that the author was giving a history lesson on feminism. And maybe its the third waver in me that just doesn't give a crap. Its just so hard to follow along with the stories and the dry feminist lectures. Really boring. It was the author's attempt to get her agenda out in a fictionalized version. But she's already the editor/co-editor for Ms., so that's her job. Leave it in the magazine. You don't see Debbie Stoller only knitting maxi pads! She even has a guys knitting book coming out soon. Ugg, women!


Oh, my teachers would shoot me if they read this.

[Jo · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has been on my list a LONG time. I read that the author had written a novel. I met her while at UW and read her feminist book at the time, so of course I was compelled to read the book.
Story was of three sisters and I think the concept was that they couldn't be more different. They are all daughters to a regionally famous rabbi, but one is a step, the other was separated from him by her mother... so they each have very separate and different experiences in this one family. Needless to say, Judaism is a big part of the story... and in a way, I felt this book was a novel format of her aforementioned Deborah, Golda, and Me. I very much enjoyed the story. I will say there is a lot of drama, but not a lot of action. There were times when I thought 'Why is she going into so much detail in this scene?' but I think it helped build familiarity with the character of the characters as the book went on. It made me hungry (not in a physical sense) for a Passover Seder. Appropriate timing, but too late to take action on! Recommended.

[Andrea Lacy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book for what it managed to teach me while purporting to be narrative fiction. I learned much more about Judaism - the religion, the culture; more about feminist thought and history; and, by far, the most juicy new vocabulary since studying for the SATs way back when. (A great book to read on a kindle, with the built-in dictionary. :)

The sisters were interesting, admirable and flawed. But, the reason I gave this book 4 stars instead of 5 is that it felt contrived - like the characters were mere object lessons unfolding - they weren't quite real to me, nor was the plot (more an exploration of each sister's past and their current relationships to their rabbi father, deceased / deranged mother, and each other).

[Darlene Regan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book very much. It was a recommendation from a family member. Coming from New York it brings images of people and families I knew including my own, regardless of any particular religion. It gives the reader a glimpse of a family struggling with secrets and memories both happy and sad, mental illness, loss, change, personal religious beliefs, love and strength. The ability to move forward and grow with the changing times and lifes changes is an ongoing theme. This could be a story of any family but, I enjoyed how the author weaved the Jewish culture with use of traditions into this story and shared their meanings as a learning experience. I felt like I was part of the family.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. I trudged through this book, partly wanting to know what was going to transpire, and partly because I had invested too much time into it to give up.

The three daughters were varying degrees of likable. One, Leah, was almost revolting until close to the end. And her voice? Please. Completely unrealistic that someone would speak like Leah did.

The only thing that saved this novel from a 1-2 star rating was Pogrebin's semi-clever nod to Chekhov (to whose play, The Three Sisters, this novel's title alludes) by dint of the "gun" in the first act that "went off" in the final act. Not bad. Nevertheless, not a satisfying read, unfortunately.

[Jane · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've read some of Letty Cottin Pogrebin's writing in the past so I thought that I would enjoy this novel from her. Unfortunately that was not the case. The book was much too long. I kept reading hoping it would redeem itself somewhere but it never did. Family drama and secrets with a predictable ending. What irked me the most was her use of Yiddish words and sayings throughout the book without any translation or explanation. I understand Yiddish completely and therefore it was not difficult for me to understand the meanings. However, if I didn't understand Yiddish I would have lost half the meaning of the book. Meh - as another reviewer rated it. Don't bother.

[Kelly McCloskey-Romero · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was fascinating to read this story about three sisters getting older. I imagined the author crafting the three women after sides of herself or women she'd known - the radical feminist, the more traditional woman who lives in a liberated way ( in the end), and the balanced sister in between. I loved the first half of the book more than the 2nd, maybe because there is more sadness in he second half . I liked the way that wisdom about aging was laced through the book, and I want to read her nonfiction book on the subject next.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is tailored made for Jewish professors with sisters. Since I am not a professor, Jewish, nor have sisters, it was just entertaining. Although it kept me running for the dictionary, and some of the Yiddish/Hebrew terminology was lost completely on me, the thoughts on the women's movement in the 1960s was insightful and the characters were well developed, if even a little over thought. Overall, it was an enjoyable read, with some thinking involved.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favorite books of Jewish literature of all time. It discusses, in great detail, all sorts of matters from intrinsic Jewish thought, themes from the Women's Movement, and the plight of individual families struggling under a heap of mistakes from years past. All characters are stripped bare in one way or another and left to fend for or define themselves in a new light. It's a truly moving dedication to the strength of family and the human spirit.

[Katz Nancy from NJ · Rating 3 out of 5]

A rather weak take on three daughters with a difficult past born from a Rabbi How they come together when there father is honored at his old synagogue makes up the bulk of this book. But either it is a case of same old, same old or I wasn't that interested because I didn't really enjoy this book that much. I know the author tried to make her readers find something of value, therefore I gave this book 3 stars.

[Holli · Rating 5 out of 5]

Shoshanna tells the story of her life as it relates to her half sisters, Rachel and Leah. Estranged from each other, and their father, the girls relationships change and develop.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book got me from the very first page - a description of a woman darting in and out of traffic to save her day planner pages that have blown away! As the youngest of three Jewish daughters, I thought I would greatly identify witht these characters. While I couldn't quite pigeonhole them that easily, I loved the characters and the relationships, and it brought me back to my roots.

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very well written book! Loved it! This book is about people and the choices they make and how those choices effect the people around you. The sisters now mature are revisiting the past, and rethinking the future, having learned from past mistakes they are all happier and ready to move forward into the rest of their lives.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. My only complaint is that it ends somewhat abruptly. A few of the minor story lines were never resolved. All in all a good, quick read.
I do think it helps to be familiar with Yiddish to get some of the subtle humor of this book.

[Karen Schaffer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Three sisters, all stepsisters or half-sisters of a well known rabbi, reconnect in their middle age years. Much jewish religion, hebrew, and yiddish reference. Entertaining in their problems and childhood experiences, but I didn't feel like I cared too much about the women.

[Denise · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was just ok. Good story but way to much yiddish for this shiksa. It was relentless. Author just seemed to be pushing the point that jewish life never gets written in detail. So there you have it. Mission accomplished.

[Donna · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wouldn't really recommend this book unless you are very interested in learning about Judaism. There are many details that seem to go on and on although the basic storyline of the three sisters is interesting.

[Gato Negro · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVE this book. Best line: "Lesbians are the canary sent into a mine. The shit they take from the straight world is a harbinger of the shit in store for every woman..." This book is an incredible read.

[Cori · Rating 1 out of 5]

Porgrebin's characters are somewhat exaggerated, but the style of writing is what really bugs. You can tell that the author is quite impressed with herself.