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Raising Girls in the 21st Century: Helping Our Girls to Grow Up Wise, Strong and Free
Steve Biddulph’s Raising Boys was a global phenomenon. The first book in a generation to look at boys’ specific needs, parents loved its clarity and warm insights into their sons’ inner world. But today, things have changed. It’s girls that are in trouble.
There has been a sudden and universal deterioration in girls’ mental health, starting in primary school and devastating the teen years.
Raising Girls in the 21st Century is both a guidebook and a call-to-arms for parents. The five key stages of girlhood are laid out so that you know exactly what matters at which age, and how to build strength and connectedness into your daughter from infancy onwards.
Raising Girls in the 21st Century is both fierce and tender in its mission to help girls more at every age. It’s a book for parents who love their daughters deeply, whether they are newborns, teenagers, young women – or anywhere in between.
Feeling secure, becoming an explorer, getting along with others, finding her soul, and becoming a woman – at last, there is a clear map of girls’ minds that accepts no limitations, narrow roles or selling-out of your daughter’s potential or uniqueness.
All the hazards are signposted – bullying, eating disorders, body image and depression, social media harms and helps – as are concrete and simple measures for both mums and dads to help prevent their daughters from becoming victims. Parenthood is restored to an exciting journey, not one worry after another, as it’s so often portrayed.
Steve talks to the world’s leading voices on girls’ needs and makes their ideas clear and simple, adding his own humour and experience through stories that you will never forget. Even the illustrations, by Kimio Kubo, provide unique and moving glimpses into the inner lives of girls.
Along with his fellow psychologists worldwide, Steve is angry at the exploitation and harm being done to girls today. With Raising Girls in the 21st Century he strives to spark a movement to end the trashing of girlhood; equipping parents to deal with the modern world, and getting the media off the backs of our daughters.
Raising Girls in the 21st Century is powerful, practical and positive. Your heart, head and hands will be strengthened by its message.
There has been a sudden and universal deterioration in girls’ mental health, starting in primary school and devastating the teen years.
Raising Girls in the 21st Century is both a guidebook and a call-to-arms for parents. The five key stages of girlhood are laid out so that you know exactly what matters at which age, and how to build strength and connectedness into your daughter from infancy onwards.
Raising Girls in the 21st Century is both fierce and tender in its mission to help girls more at every age. It’s a book for parents who love their daughters deeply, whether they are newborns, teenagers, young women – or anywhere in between.
Feeling secure, becoming an explorer, getting along with others, finding her soul, and becoming a woman – at last, there is a clear map of girls’ minds that accepts no limitations, narrow roles or selling-out of your daughter’s potential or uniqueness.
All the hazards are signposted – bullying, eating disorders, body image and depression, social media harms and helps – as are concrete and simple measures for both mums and dads to help prevent their daughters from becoming victims. Parenthood is restored to an exciting journey, not one worry after another, as it’s so often portrayed.
Steve talks to the world’s leading voices on girls’ needs and makes their ideas clear and simple, adding his own humour and experience through stories that you will never forget. Even the illustrations, by Kimio Kubo, provide unique and moving glimpses into the inner lives of girls.
Along with his fellow psychologists worldwide, Steve is angry at the exploitation and harm being done to girls today. With Raising Girls in the 21st Century he strives to spark a movement to end the trashing of girlhood; equipping parents to deal with the modern world, and getting the media off the backs of our daughters.
Raising Girls in the 21st Century is powerful, practical and positive. Your heart, head and hands will be strengthened by its message.
- GenresParentingNonfiction
240 pages, Paperback
Published May 2, 2019
174 people are currently reading
423 people want to read
About the author
Steve Biddulph
110 books175 followersStephen John Biddulph AM is an Australian author, activist and psychologist who has written a number of influential bestselling books; and lectures worldwide on parenting, and boys' education. He is married and has two children and grandchildren.
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
July 20, 2022
This is a book, I believe, mainly targets how to parent a teenager and what to look out for. It describes the high statistics of mental health issues with females and suicide rates as well as social media, bullying, body image, puberty, relationships/sex, and peer pressure.
When having a newborn, it is important to not let the baby "cry it out" (according to the book). A frightened or lonely baby won't learn to calm herself if she is just left to cry. She will eventually go quiet but this is because of another survival pattern: "nobody is going to come" and the baby can shut down and become psychologically "depressed" creating a pattern of learned helplessness. Babies need us to learn to self-soothe.
From years 1-3 allow your child to explore and play. Play dress ups, go outside, do lots of craft activities. Find a "spark" that your child enjoys e.g., sports, music, drawing. Have other adults around them to build a connection with.
Prepare your daughter for being an adult. Reduce TV time. Put limits on internet use/kids locks.
A parent is their role-model (Social cognitive theory - Bandura). (Ie Monkey see Monkey do). Be the best version of yourself. Your children cannot be more relaxed than you. Have 1:1 time with your children, celebrate birthdays, have silly concerts and games nights, have family holidays, have sleepovers. Mums are the most powerful influence on a girl's life.
When having a newborn, it is important to not let the baby "cry it out" (according to the book). A frightened or lonely baby won't learn to calm herself if she is just left to cry. She will eventually go quiet but this is because of another survival pattern: "nobody is going to come" and the baby can shut down and become psychologically "depressed" creating a pattern of learned helplessness. Babies need us to learn to self-soothe.
From years 1-3 allow your child to explore and play. Play dress ups, go outside, do lots of craft activities. Find a "spark" that your child enjoys e.g., sports, music, drawing. Have other adults around them to build a connection with.
Prepare your daughter for being an adult. Reduce TV time. Put limits on internet use/kids locks.
A parent is their role-model (Social cognitive theory - Bandura). (Ie Monkey see Monkey do). Be the best version of yourself. Your children cannot be more relaxed than you. Have 1:1 time with your children, celebrate birthdays, have silly concerts and games nights, have family holidays, have sleepovers. Mums are the most powerful influence on a girl's life.
September 18, 2022
I wanted to get more out of this book, but it felt a little out of sync with my life and my daughter’s world. I was hoping to find ways to connect with my daughter and really develop her emotional strengths and intellectual curiosities, but instead it felt more like a Dateline special — “Sexy Teenage Bullying Gone Wrong! Find out what your daughters are REALLY doing with their friends!”
It also felt very heteronormative. I have no indications that my daughter is gender-fluid or LGBT, but I also try very hard to encourage openness in her and in my way of parenting her. This book wasn’t in any way anti-LGBT, but it did make certain assumptions and broad generalizations that made me frustrated and uncomfortable at times.
Ultimately, if you have a preteen or teenage daughter who is struggling, this is likely a great introductory book to understand what’s going on. Otherwise, you’re probably better off turning to other resources.
It also felt very heteronormative. I have no indications that my daughter is gender-fluid or LGBT, but I also try very hard to encourage openness in her and in my way of parenting her. This book wasn’t in any way anti-LGBT, but it did make certain assumptions and broad generalizations that made me frustrated and uncomfortable at times.
Ultimately, if you have a preteen or teenage daughter who is struggling, this is likely a great introductory book to understand what’s going on. Otherwise, you’re probably better off turning to other resources.
March 5, 2025
It’s pretty clear young girls face some pretty serious challenges, some of which are getting worse over time. Steve Biddulph has written a book that, at its core, seems to be trying to address those issues - oversexualisation, bullying, body image, alcohol abuse and social media. The description of these issues swings fairly conservative in terms of gender roles, but it’s interesting how much of the blame Biddulph lays at the feet of a capitalist system that treats young women as commodities to be exploited. Biddulph is also pretty alarmist about these issues, which might be merited but he doesn’t build the evidence base for the level of concern he communicates. Not really a useful book for a parent of a baby girl (i.e. me), as the main takeaway at my stage is ‘cuddle your baby and panic about the impending doom of teenagerhood’. For parents of teenagers or pre-teens, this is probably a worthwhile book to cover some strategies for managing big risks at that stage.
November 12, 2022
I enjoyed this - largely because like a lot of these books, there are a couple of things in it I hadn’t really thought about (the role of extended family/friends in raising a child and having different relationships with them; some studies about how different the development of boys and girls are at different ages), but most of it is actually quite intuitive. Eg a lot of it comes down to actually making your child feel loved and cared for, and prioritising doing that in different ways when they’re at different stages of development. Would recommend to anyone (like me!) who is a parent to a daughter and hasn’t really ever had to think about what it is like being a girl growing up before.
November 18, 2022
November 2022: Raising Girls in the twenty-first century
(A quick review, jumble from my brain and it happens in bahasa rojak, sorry!)
Dah lama dengar pasal buku ni, tapi terlupa (atau tak mampu. Ni pun jumpa preloved kat shopee🤭). Mungkin ramai dah kenal Steve Biddulph ni, penulis, aktivis dan psikologis bab parenting.
Memandangkan penulis ni based in Australia, banyak observation dibuat dari sana. Rasanya kalau di Malaysia, banyak juga yang berbeza. Yang baik kita ambil, yang buruk kita tinggalkan.
Buku ni ada 3 bahagian:
1. 5 stages of girlhood
2. Hazards and helps
3. Girls and their parents
Banyak juga ilmu baru daripada buku ni kepada saya. Contohnya pentingnya seorang aunty/makcik dalam hidup seorang anak gadis. Dan, saya terkejut juga bila ciri² lelaki pilihan pun satu benda kita boleh discuss dgn anak gadis kita (bila dah remaja) - "what kind of boy is worth spending your time with, and what kind should you give a big miss?"
Saya juga suka dengan idea untuk girls to have a space for their creativity, and a support group for girls bila nak masuk fasa puberty. (Maybe we can do something about this later?)
~~~
Bila baca buku parenting ni, bukan setakat ilmu untuk anak², tapi kita akan refleks tentang diri kita juga. Semoga Allah selalu membimbing kita dan anak² kita.
(A quick review, jumble from my brain and it happens in bahasa rojak, sorry!)
Dah lama dengar pasal buku ni, tapi terlupa (atau tak mampu. Ni pun jumpa preloved kat shopee🤭). Mungkin ramai dah kenal Steve Biddulph ni, penulis, aktivis dan psikologis bab parenting.
Memandangkan penulis ni based in Australia, banyak observation dibuat dari sana. Rasanya kalau di Malaysia, banyak juga yang berbeza. Yang baik kita ambil, yang buruk kita tinggalkan.
Buku ni ada 3 bahagian:
1. 5 stages of girlhood
2. Hazards and helps
3. Girls and their parents
Banyak juga ilmu baru daripada buku ni kepada saya. Contohnya pentingnya seorang aunty/makcik dalam hidup seorang anak gadis. Dan, saya terkejut juga bila ciri² lelaki pilihan pun satu benda kita boleh discuss dgn anak gadis kita (bila dah remaja) - "what kind of boy is worth spending your time with, and what kind should you give a big miss?"
Saya juga suka dengan idea untuk girls to have a space for their creativity, and a support group for girls bila nak masuk fasa puberty. (Maybe we can do something about this later?)
~~~
Bila baca buku parenting ni, bukan setakat ilmu untuk anak², tapi kita akan refleks tentang diri kita juga. Semoga Allah selalu membimbing kita dan anak² kita.
August 11, 2021
Raw and easy to read - yet it took so long for me to finish as I wasn't ready to hear about what a girl goes through in her teenage years. Sexting, high incidence of rape, submissiveness to cater to the needs of similar-age guys.
It reminds me that we have to be a role-model for my kid's generation. Key takeaways are (1) regardless of how great a dad I am, from age 8-14 mom needs to spend quality time with the daughter to set expectations around puberty, (2) important for girls to have a community of "aunties" who they can have frank conversations with (that they wouldn't disclose to parents, (3) never accuse starting with "You" (e.g. "you are lazy") - it should be "I" (e.g. "I am angry because you have not tidied your room").
They will talk to you the way you talk to them and the way you talk to your wife. We need to be role models, which means taking a deep breath many times a day.
It reminds me that we have to be a role-model for my kid's generation. Key takeaways are (1) regardless of how great a dad I am, from age 8-14 mom needs to spend quality time with the daughter to set expectations around puberty, (2) important for girls to have a community of "aunties" who they can have frank conversations with (that they wouldn't disclose to parents, (3) never accuse starting with "You" (e.g. "you are lazy") - it should be "I" (e.g. "I am angry because you have not tidied your room").
They will talk to you the way you talk to them and the way you talk to your wife. We need to be role models, which means taking a deep breath many times a day.
September 21, 2019
Brought issues to my attention
I loved listening to this book as I have 3 daughter's ranging from 10 - 12 years old and found this very relevant to what I as a mum of young girls should be doing to make this an easier time on them. I would recommend this book to anyone you had a daughter or plays a major role in a young girls life. There will always be something that you can take away from this book to make a change in a girls life.
I loved listening to this book as I have 3 daughter's ranging from 10 - 12 years old and found this very relevant to what I as a mum of young girls should be doing to make this an easier time on them. I would recommend this book to anyone you had a daughter or plays a major role in a young girls life. There will always be something that you can take away from this book to make a change in a girls life.
August 26, 2020
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this book! An absolutely great resource for raising a girl(s) and I have gained a lot of insight of how important it is to continue spending as much time with your daughter young or old, listen is the key and communicate with them. Life is precious and raising a girl / boy is the most amazing part of life - a beautiful journey. Thanks Steve Biddulph. A great read.
December 3, 2025
As a new parent to a daughter born in 2025, I picked up Steve Biddulph's Raising Girls in the 21st Century with a mix of excitement and apprehension about navigating the modern world of girlhood. This revised edition feels tailor-made for today's challenges, blending warmth, wisdom, and practical advice into a guide that's both a roadmap and a rallying cry for parents. Biddulph offers tips empowers you to foster strength, openness, and resilience in your daughter from infancy onward.
The book breaks down girlhood into five key stages: feeling secure as a baby, becoming an explorer in early childhood, getting along with others during school years, finding her soul in adolescence, and stepping into womanhood. This structure made it incredibly accessible; I could jump straight to the babyhood sections and feel equipped right away. For my newborn, the emphasis on building early emotional bonds and avoiding premature pressures to "grow up" resonated deeply. Biddulph draws from global experts, sharing unforgettable stories that had me tearing up (real-life tales of girls overcoming obstacles that highlight the stakes without overwhelming you).
What sets this apart is its fierce stance against the forces tearing girls down: bullying, peer pressure, body image issues, depression, self-harm, and the pitfalls of social media and technology addiction. The new section on '#MeToo in School' is eye-opening, addressing childhood sexual harassment with clear steps for prevention and support. Biddulph also tackles relating to boys with a "clear head and strong heart," which feels essential in our evolving cultural landscape. And it's not all heavy--his humor and the evocative illustrations by Kimio Kubo bring lightness and insight into girls' inner worlds.
As a dad (or mom--it's inclusive for all parents), I appreciated the concrete measures for both mums and dads, restoring parenting to an "exciting journey" rather than a series of worries. It's angry at the exploitation of girls by media and society, but channels that into positive action, sparking what feels like a movement to protect and uplift them.
If you're raising a daughter in this fast-paced era, this book is a must-read. It's given me confidence to help my little one grow wise, strong, and free.
The book breaks down girlhood into five key stages: feeling secure as a baby, becoming an explorer in early childhood, getting along with others during school years, finding her soul in adolescence, and stepping into womanhood. This structure made it incredibly accessible; I could jump straight to the babyhood sections and feel equipped right away. For my newborn, the emphasis on building early emotional bonds and avoiding premature pressures to "grow up" resonated deeply. Biddulph draws from global experts, sharing unforgettable stories that had me tearing up (real-life tales of girls overcoming obstacles that highlight the stakes without overwhelming you).
What sets this apart is its fierce stance against the forces tearing girls down: bullying, peer pressure, body image issues, depression, self-harm, and the pitfalls of social media and technology addiction. The new section on '#MeToo in School' is eye-opening, addressing childhood sexual harassment with clear steps for prevention and support. Biddulph also tackles relating to boys with a "clear head and strong heart," which feels essential in our evolving cultural landscape. And it's not all heavy--his humor and the evocative illustrations by Kimio Kubo bring lightness and insight into girls' inner worlds.
As a dad (or mom--it's inclusive for all parents), I appreciated the concrete measures for both mums and dads, restoring parenting to an "exciting journey" rather than a series of worries. It's angry at the exploitation of girls by media and society, but channels that into positive action, sparking what feels like a movement to protect and uplift them.
If you're raising a daughter in this fast-paced era, this book is a must-read. It's given me confidence to help my little one grow wise, strong, and free.
January 21, 2022
Contains all relevant info to bring up girls in the current era, from babies to teenagers, prior to what-s0-called 'adulthood'. Some experiences written here are inclined to what is quite common in Western society, which I didn't experience back when I was a kid, so personally, I think I need to read it and glad I did. I think the book prepares me on what to expect in the coming years and how to hopefully response well to what is to come. The book also gives practical things to do. I would probably use this book as a general guidance, so should come back anytime I need it.
March 24, 2024
I honestly found this book so helpful when I was struggling with how best to help my daughter through some hard times in her young life!
I would recommend Steve Biddulph, not just this book but pretty much all of his books, they are just so full of insight into a child's mind and simple ways to make everyone's life so much easier in your household!
Give his books a go, they are amazing! They have helped me with so many things with my daughter, and I would say her amazing emotional stability is from reading Biddulph's books from when she was a toddler!!
I would recommend Steve Biddulph, not just this book but pretty much all of his books, they are just so full of insight into a child's mind and simple ways to make everyone's life so much easier in your household!
Give his books a go, they are amazing! They have helped me with so many things with my daughter, and I would say her amazing emotional stability is from reading Biddulph's books from when she was a toddler!!
July 3, 2019
Pretty good for this sort of book. Lots of filler, and unevidenced opinions stated as fact, as one might expect. But also much food for thought. In particular it jogged me on three things I've been thinking about:
1. The gendering of toys
2. Prioritising time for each child alone with a parent (i.e. Mummy or Daddy dates).
3. How to successfully engage with technology and have good boundaries.
1. The gendering of toys
2. Prioritising time for each child alone with a parent (i.e. Mummy or Daddy dates).
3. How to successfully engage with technology and have good boundaries.
July 20, 2022
I’m still 38w pregnant with a girl and this is my first baby, so there isn’t a ‘girl’ that I’m raising yet, but I could totally relate to the book because it reminded me of my school days, the struggles I went thru, and the social life I had. I just feel good and relieved for the fact that I read this before everything happened. I might return to this book after several years to find the details and action items again. Good book.
January 10, 2024
Raamatu võtaksin positiivselt väga konkreetselt kokku: kohustuslik lugemine igale lapsevanemale, mis sisaldab nii konkreetseid ettepanekuid reaalsete tegevuste osas mida on võimalik koheselt rakendada ning meeldivalt on ilmestamiseks lisatud ka lugusid päris elust (autori patsientide lood ning kogemused). Kindlasti plaanin uuesti lugeda!
September 22, 2022
A great guide to what stages your daughter will grow through. Some of the ideas (like take your daughter camping and fishing) will not fly in my house, but other ideas were great. (Daddy daughter day)
January 11, 2020
I agree with the majority parts of the book .
It definitely gives me more clear vision and better ideas of raising my daughter in a supportive and loving way !
It definitely gives me more clear vision and better ideas of raising my daughter in a supportive and loving way !
December 16, 2021
Really should be reading this every year!
January 8, 2022
Easy to read with good and practical advice for raising girls.
March 29, 2022
Every parent of a girl needs to read this book. Definitely relevant and something that needs to be embedded into your brains as you bring your daughter up in this crazy world we live in.
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March 29, 2022I enjoyed reading it!
August 7, 2022
No doubt will be referring back to this book as my girls grow.
January 19, 2023
Introductory book but felt quite scare mongery in comparison to the boys version. Better out there.
September 23, 2024
Parents of girls have to read this!
January 10, 2025
Very informative! Good read!
May 18, 2022
I write this review as a 28 year old woman with no kids (yet). I find this book a good starting point that provides a general overview of babyhood to womanhood. That being said, if a particular topic is interesting to you, you may need to find a book or resources specialising in said topic.
Otherwise, I think this book is good in how we shouldn't minimise our own role towards girls and women, and think more critically about the seemingly nurturing environment and childhood we provide for girls in comparison to boys.
Otherwise, I think this book is good in how we shouldn't minimise our own role towards girls and women, and think more critically about the seemingly nurturing environment and childhood we provide for girls in comparison to boys.
April 12, 2021
Very well Queen and valuable book. Practical tips and applications for modern day life with devices, tv and social media.
The second face of the book I found to be quite doom and gloom, but it is topics that need to be addressed.
Highly recommended book.
The second face of the book I found to be quite doom and gloom, but it is topics that need to be addressed.
Highly recommended book.
February 16, 2021
Absolutely amazing! This book is fantastic, full of insight and practical tips.
Totally worth reading.
Totally worth reading.
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews