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À l'écoute de mon bébé
Vous vous demandez s’il est possible de créer un lien avec votre enfant durant la grossesse ? Puis, après la naissance, vous vous inquiétez lorsqu’il pleure ou ne dort pas ? Dur, dur de comprendre bébé alors qu’il ne parle pas encore !
Voici enfin la complète mise à jour de ce livre incontournable ayant contribué à la naissance d’une révolution à travers le monde dans le domaine de l’éducation des enfants. Vous apprendrez à interpréter les signaux de votre bébé et à répondre à ses besoins, de sa conception jusqu’à l’âge de 2 ans et demi.
Les recherches et l’expérience de l’auteure vous permettront notamment de comprendre comment créer des liens avec votre bébé, comment répondre à ses pleurs, stimuler son intelligence, l’aider à mieux dormir et l’élever dans la non-violence.
Indispensable pour créer le lien !
400 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1998
120 people are currently reading
894 people want to read
About the author
Aletha J. Solter
16 books80 followersAletha Solter, Ph.D. is a Swiss/American developmental psychologist, parenting consultant, and director of the Aware Parenting Institute. She holds a Master's degree in human biology from the University of Geneva, Switzerland (where she studied with Dr. Jean Piaget), and a Ph.D. in psychology from the University of California at Santa Barbara.
When Aletha's first child was born in 1977 (following a traumatic birth) she did not find any parenting books that advocated attachment-style parenting and non-punitive discipline while taking into account the impact of stress and trauma on children's development.
The first book she wrote, The Aware Baby (revised in 2001), is the one that she would have found helpful as a new mother. The Aware Baby has been translated into many languages and sold over 200,000 copies worldwide. Her six other books have also been translated into many languages. All of her books are based on scientific research.
Aletha has led workshops for parents and professionals in 18 countries and is recognized internationally as an expert on attachment, trauma, and non-punitive discipline. She has appeared on TV in the U.S., Europe, South Africa, and Asia. She lives in Southern California and is the mother of two grown children. She is also a proud grandmother.
She founded the Aware Parenting Institute in 1990 to help spread this approach around the world. There are now certified Aware Parenting instructors in 27 countries. For more information, please visit the Aware Parenting Institute website at www.awareparenting.com. You can also find us on Facebook.
When Aletha's first child was born in 1977 (following a traumatic birth) she did not find any parenting books that advocated attachment-style parenting and non-punitive discipline while taking into account the impact of stress and trauma on children's development.
The first book she wrote, The Aware Baby (revised in 2001), is the one that she would have found helpful as a new mother. The Aware Baby has been translated into many languages and sold over 200,000 copies worldwide. Her six other books have also been translated into many languages. All of her books are based on scientific research.
Aletha has led workshops for parents and professionals in 18 countries and is recognized internationally as an expert on attachment, trauma, and non-punitive discipline. She has appeared on TV in the U.S., Europe, South Africa, and Asia. She lives in Southern California and is the mother of two grown children. She is also a proud grandmother.
She founded the Aware Parenting Institute in 1990 to help spread this approach around the world. There are now certified Aware Parenting instructors in 27 countries. For more information, please visit the Aware Parenting Institute website at www.awareparenting.com. You can also find us on Facebook.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 72 reviews
August 29, 2014
Spre deosebire de multe alte lucruri pe care le-am citit și despre care m-am documentat abia după ce am născut, despre Aletha Solter și teoria ei legată de plînsul bebelușului citisem înainte de naștere. Așa, cîteva articole sporadice, nu vreo carte anume. Poate că asta ar fi meritat s-o citesc în întregime înainte, dar mă rog, nu simt c-aș fi pierdut vreun start foarte important, a fost bine și acum.
Bănuiesc că Aletha e faimoasă, așa cum attachment parentingul e faimos, în sensul că mamele de acum știu cu ce se ocupă teoria și au citit măcar un pic despre, dacă nu cumva au și pus în aplicare cîteva lucruri, așa că n-o să spun nimic nou, dar o să punctez totuși cîteva idei mai importante ale autoarei.
Plînsul nu e văzut ca un lucru negativ. Spre deosebire de mulți alți specialiști care îți arată ce și cum să faci (eventual în cîți pași) ca să-l oprești pe bebeluș din plîns, teoria Alethei Solter e că trebuie să-l lași să plîngă. Nu neconsolat în camera lui în timp ce tu-ți vezi de alte treburi, ci ținîndu-l în brațe, oferindu-i toată atenția și asigurîndu-l permanent de dragostea ta. Ce motive de plîns ar avea un bebeluș, odată ce e spălat, schimbat, hrănit, nu are febră, nu s-a lovit etc.? Conform A.S. bebelușul (la fel ca adulții, de altfel) are nevoie să se elibereze de tensiune și stres, pe care le acumulează încă dinainte de a se naște, în timpul nașterii, mai ales dacă este una dificilă (traumatizantă) pentru el, și pe tot parcursul vieții lui de pînă atunci.
Ideea asta sună bine în teorie, doar că, un pic exasperant pentru mine, e repetată la nesfîrșit, indiferent de ce alte subiecte atinge autoarea. Somnul? Dacă nu adoarme nicicum, e clar, bebelușul trebuie să plîngă. Are conflicte cu un alt copilaș? În cele din urmă o tură sănătoasă de plîns va rezolva și această problemă. Crizele de furie se rezolvă și ele tot prin plîns șamd. OK, recunosc că exagerez puțin, adevărul e că îi dau dreptate, privind prin prisma adultului. Să aduni tensiune și stres, fără a te elibera de ele, nu e sănătos, așa că nu văd cum ar putea fi pentru un bebe, chiar dacă avem impresia că universul lui e mult mai restrîns și motivele de stres mai puține.
Ce mi-a plăcut în mod deosebit, e modul în care Aletha Solter discută comportamentul de control, care e legat, normal, de plîns. Și anume, în loc să-i permitem bebelușului să se descarce prin plîns atunci cînd există tensiune, tentația noastră ca părinți e să-l oprim, avînd ideea/speranța că se liniștește. Așa că îi oferim o jucărie, suzeta, sînul, o bombonică. Care s-ar putea să funcționeze, chiar pe termen lung. Doar că esența problemei e departe de a fi rezolvată, creîndu-se în plus acest comportament de control: de fiecare dată cînd e supărat sau plînge bebelușul va vrea să sugă sau va vrea suzeta sau ne va cere ceva, lucruri care vor avea în viitor repercusiuni asupra lui, supraponderalitate din cauza suptului ca metodă de control, probleme cu dentiția din cauza suzetei etc.
Cartea nu e desigur, numai despre plîns, Solter atinge și alte subiecte, mai mult sau mai puțin specifice attachement parentingului: nașterea și atașamentul care se creează între bebeluș și mamă, stimularea intelectuală, recompense și pedepse, siguranța și somnul bebelușului.
Dacă nu încerci să o iei ca pe o filozofie de viață, cartea are niște idei foarte bune și sfaturi utile.
Bănuiesc că Aletha e faimoasă, așa cum attachment parentingul e faimos, în sensul că mamele de acum știu cu ce se ocupă teoria și au citit măcar un pic despre, dacă nu cumva au și pus în aplicare cîteva lucruri, așa că n-o să spun nimic nou, dar o să punctez totuși cîteva idei mai importante ale autoarei.
Plînsul nu e văzut ca un lucru negativ. Spre deosebire de mulți alți specialiști care îți arată ce și cum să faci (eventual în cîți pași) ca să-l oprești pe bebeluș din plîns, teoria Alethei Solter e că trebuie să-l lași să plîngă. Nu neconsolat în camera lui în timp ce tu-ți vezi de alte treburi, ci ținîndu-l în brațe, oferindu-i toată atenția și asigurîndu-l permanent de dragostea ta. Ce motive de plîns ar avea un bebeluș, odată ce e spălat, schimbat, hrănit, nu are febră, nu s-a lovit etc.? Conform A.S. bebelușul (la fel ca adulții, de altfel) are nevoie să se elibereze de tensiune și stres, pe care le acumulează încă dinainte de a se naște, în timpul nașterii, mai ales dacă este una dificilă (traumatizantă) pentru el, și pe tot parcursul vieții lui de pînă atunci.
Ideea asta sună bine în teorie, doar că, un pic exasperant pentru mine, e repetată la nesfîrșit, indiferent de ce alte subiecte atinge autoarea. Somnul? Dacă nu adoarme nicicum, e clar, bebelușul trebuie să plîngă. Are conflicte cu un alt copilaș? În cele din urmă o tură sănătoasă de plîns va rezolva și această problemă. Crizele de furie se rezolvă și ele tot prin plîns șamd. OK, recunosc că exagerez puțin, adevărul e că îi dau dreptate, privind prin prisma adultului. Să aduni tensiune și stres, fără a te elibera de ele, nu e sănătos, așa că nu văd cum ar putea fi pentru un bebe, chiar dacă avem impresia că universul lui e mult mai restrîns și motivele de stres mai puține.
Ce mi-a plăcut în mod deosebit, e modul în care Aletha Solter discută comportamentul de control, care e legat, normal, de plîns. Și anume, în loc să-i permitem bebelușului să se descarce prin plîns atunci cînd există tensiune, tentația noastră ca părinți e să-l oprim, avînd ideea/speranța că se liniștește. Așa că îi oferim o jucărie, suzeta, sînul, o bombonică. Care s-ar putea să funcționeze, chiar pe termen lung. Doar că esența problemei e departe de a fi rezolvată, creîndu-se în plus acest comportament de control: de fiecare dată cînd e supărat sau plînge bebelușul va vrea să sugă sau va vrea suzeta sau ne va cere ceva, lucruri care vor avea în viitor repercusiuni asupra lui, supraponderalitate din cauza suptului ca metodă de control, probleme cu dentiția din cauza suzetei etc.
Cartea nu e desigur, numai despre plîns, Solter atinge și alte subiecte, mai mult sau mai puțin specifice attachement parentingului: nașterea și atașamentul care se creează între bebeluș și mamă, stimularea intelectuală, recompense și pedepse, siguranța și somnul bebelușului.
Dacă nu încerci să o iei ca pe o filozofie de viață, cartea are niște idei foarte bune și sfaturi utile.
September 4, 2015
This book contains the core of a really useful perspective and a lot of useful information/ideas, especially for those new to attachment parenting. Solter provides a framework of relating to your baby through understanding and meeting their needs, especially those for love and emotional safety, and applies it to a number of issues and concerns that arise during parenting. I especially benefitted from her emphasis on the need of babies to be allowed to cry for extended periods of time (rather than assuming all cries are attempts to get some specific immediate need met), which might not have occurred to me otherwise. Her advice on how to differentiate different kinds of signals from a pre-verbal baby seem likely to be really useful too.
Unfortunately, getting the most out of this book required putting up with a lot of nonsense. Solter follows in what seems to be the proud tradition of parenting books in making bold assertions based on plausible/just-so stories, but she goes further than most in trying to reduce nearly everything to one or two principles. The most egregious example of this is the way she attributes any possible parental disagreement or deviation from her approach to trauma during the parent's childhood, but this also shows up in her claims that certain behaviors (e.g. aggression toward other children) can only be a result of parents not providing a nurturing environment where the child is allowed to cry. She also regularly cites studies at a level of detail that raises obvious correlation/causation questions that she completely fails to address, instead just putting forth one possible explanation as the obvious conclusion.
Unfortunately, getting the most out of this book required putting up with a lot of nonsense. Solter follows in what seems to be the proud tradition of parenting books in making bold assertions based on plausible/just-so stories, but she goes further than most in trying to reduce nearly everything to one or two principles. The most egregious example of this is the way she attributes any possible parental disagreement or deviation from her approach to trauma during the parent's childhood, but this also shows up in her claims that certain behaviors (e.g. aggression toward other children) can only be a result of parents not providing a nurturing environment where the child is allowed to cry. She also regularly cites studies at a level of detail that raises obvious correlation/causation questions that she completely fails to address, instead just putting forth one possible explanation as the obvious conclusion.
December 6, 2021
Tam bir başucu kitabı. Her anne baba için mükemmel bir kitap.
July 27, 2014
I read this book when my first child was 8 months old. I had never let him cry. He was a happy baby, albeit somewhat tense and poor sleeper. This book helped me calm down about crying and see its value. However, I think I may have overdone it a bit with my son. I think I should have found more of a middle ground between never letting him cry and allowing him to cry until he was done. Eventually I did work it out that way. He did become more relaxed and slept a little better, but sometimes I feel like I just turned on the waterworks with him. At six he still cries quite a lot. But at least I'm not freaking out about it.
People are funny. When he never cried, they said, "What's wrong with your baby, he never cries!" I smiled to myself because I felt I was simply taking care of all his needs and so in tune with him that I could anticipate his needs before he had to vocalize them. But then when I decided there was value in crying, people tried to shut him up by distracting him. Sigh.
Now I have my second baby and I have been able to be much calmer about her crying. She cried plenty during the first month or two. I listened to discover what she needed (recommend Dunstan baby language for help on that). I did what I could to comfort her, and I calmed her if she escalated, but didn't go to the lengths I did with my first (I would swaddle, shush, sway, bounce and plug him with a pacifier). Now at four months she hardly ever cries and is very happy and relaxed.
Anyway, the book is worth a read, just take it with a grain of salt. In fact, I would recommend parents to just really listen to their babies and try to understand them and comfort them without stifling them. It's not really hard so long as you don't have any hang ups about crying.
People are funny. When he never cried, they said, "What's wrong with your baby, he never cries!" I smiled to myself because I felt I was simply taking care of all his needs and so in tune with him that I could anticipate his needs before he had to vocalize them. But then when I decided there was value in crying, people tried to shut him up by distracting him. Sigh.
Now I have my second baby and I have been able to be much calmer about her crying. She cried plenty during the first month or two. I listened to discover what she needed (recommend Dunstan baby language for help on that). I did what I could to comfort her, and I calmed her if she escalated, but didn't go to the lengths I did with my first (I would swaddle, shush, sway, bounce and plug him with a pacifier). Now at four months she hardly ever cries and is very happy and relaxed.
Anyway, the book is worth a read, just take it with a grain of salt. In fact, I would recommend parents to just really listen to their babies and try to understand them and comfort them without stifling them. It's not really hard so long as you don't have any hang ups about crying.
October 12, 2025
Ebeveynler için harika bir kaynak. Yazar en temel konuları tane tane, güzel güzel açıklamış. Sanırım kitabı bu kadar çok sevmemin bir sebebi de Doğal Ebeveynlik adı verilen yaklaşımı oldukça makul bulmam olabilir.
Bu kitap ne zaman okunmalı karar veremedim. Sanırım en iyisi kitabı ara ara ele alıp bölüm bölüm okumak en faydalısı olabilir. Kitaptaki düşüncelerin detaylıca anlatıldığını da düşününce taze bir ebeveyn için hemencecik okunup bitirilebilecek bir kitap değil.
Bu kitap ne zaman okunmalı karar veremedim. Sanırım en iyisi kitabı ara ara ele alıp bölüm bölüm okumak en faydalısı olabilir. Kitaptaki düşüncelerin detaylıca anlatıldığını da düşününce taze bir ebeveyn için hemencecik okunup bitirilebilecek bir kitap değil.
April 5, 2020
Privesc altfel plânsul bebelușilor acum. Voi fi tolerantă, când voi auzi plânsul acestora pe stradă, în tren sau la magazin. Copilul plânge, având motiv, de fiecare dată. Tot ce trebuie să facem, este să îi fim alături, calmi, răbdători și empatici. Și nu are nimic această abordare cu teoria bebelușului răsfățat sau căruia i s-au satisfăcut prea multe necesități.
Plânsul bebelușilor este un proces absolut firesc, ei comunică încă de la naștere astfel și nu se va întâmpla nimic grav dacă plâng, așa cum obișnuim să credem deseori. Prin plâns bebelușii comunică, se eliberează de tensiune și stres, se eliberează de energia acumulată în urma nevoilor neîmplinite, se descarcă de energia în plus acumulată și se eliberează de durere.
Mulțumesc autoarei, pentru această carte utilă din 7 capitole cu informații captivante despre dezvoltarea bebelușilor de la naștere până la 2 ani și cum să acceptăm plânsul bebelușilor, fără să ne stresăm (prea tare :). De obicei, vrem să facem imediat copilul să se liniștească, să nu mai plângă și să-i distragem atenția cu lucruri sau dulciuri din exterior. Ceea ce nu a reușit să plângă până la capăt, bebelușul, oricum se va acumula ca energie, care trebuie dată afară.
Plânsul bebelușilor este un proces absolut firesc, ei comunică încă de la naștere astfel și nu se va întâmpla nimic grav dacă plâng, așa cum obișnuim să credem deseori. Prin plâns bebelușii comunică, se eliberează de tensiune și stres, se eliberează de energia acumulată în urma nevoilor neîmplinite, se descarcă de energia în plus acumulată și se eliberează de durere.
Mulțumesc autoarei, pentru această carte utilă din 7 capitole cu informații captivante despre dezvoltarea bebelușilor de la naștere până la 2 ani și cum să acceptăm plânsul bebelușilor, fără să ne stresăm (prea tare :). De obicei, vrem să facem imediat copilul să se liniștească, să nu mai plângă și să-i distragem atenția cu lucruri sau dulciuri din exterior. Ceea ce nu a reușit să plângă până la capăt, bebelușul, oricum se va acumula ca energie, care trebuie dată afară.
February 20, 2011
hmmm...i just don't know that i buy it. perhaps because my kid so very rarely actually cries with tears - even when he is crying - i have a hard time believing that he's crying to release toxins and stress hormones through his tears. there were also just such broad sweeping generalizations that i found it hard to take. like that all babies who are allowed to cry don't do drugs and apparently also don't rebel during their teenage years. also, there is a line in there about how children who have been allowed to cry (side note - this is not crying it out, this is letting them cry when all other needs have been met, and holding them and letting them cry) never hit or bite. yet this book was recommended to me by a woman who has done this with her daughter who is now two...and she has bit my son on at least three occasions...
February 8, 2008
Really thought-provoking take on why babies need to cry. Talks about not soothing your babies just to be soothed, but holding them, letting them cry and release stress. Very interesting and pretty much on the other side of the tracks from most every other parenting book. I highly recommend this to just get a new perspective...then take or leave what you want.
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August 9, 2011Like one reviewer said, I think her techniques are a little extreme. A baby looks for comfort from his/her mother. My own son (now a preteen) and new foster baby don't seem to cry for "no reason/stress." I feel that if she is crying there's a reason. I have begun to figure out her various cries and meet that particular need for comfort which then comforts my crying baby.
November 22, 2018
I gave 4/5 stars because some ideas are repeated in an annoying manner... over and over again. I liked her attitude and she makes very good arguments for what she is saying. Also, she is rather unconventional and it was like a breath of fresh air to learn something different. I read the book while pregnant and I can say for sure it helped me have realistic expectations and to relax a bit.
February 24, 2023
Life changing!
May 13, 2023
O carte utila în înțelegerea bebelușilor. Consider că mi-a adus un mare plus citind-o înainte să vină fetițele mele pe lume. As putea spune că, principalul cărții este nevoia ta, ca parinte, de a înțelege nevoia bebelușului de a-și exprima emoțiile, în general prin plâns. Recomand 😊
July 1, 2022
Bu kitaba başlayıp bitirmem 2 senemi aldı (moms life) o yüzden ayrıntısıyla özetleyemem. Birkaç saat başına oturup slayt halinde özetleyerek analara amme hizmeti yapmak istiyorum inşallah nasip olur.
Bende bıraktığı genel izlenim şu ki kitabın ana mesajı, bebeğinizle yaşayabileceğiniz tüm problemlerin temelinde bebeğinizin ağlama ihtiyacını tam gideremiyor oluşunun yattığı. Bebeğin ağlamasının anneyi içinden çıkılmaz duygulara nasıl da sürüklediğini düşünürsek, anneler için kesinlikle rahatlatıcı bir kitap olduğunu söyleyebilirim ki bence bir annenin asıl ihtiyaç duyduğu şey teorik ebeveynlik bilgisinden çok bu rahatlama hissi zaten. Sırf bu yüzden bile okunası.
Ek olarak, yazarın görüşlerini temellendirdiği başka bi varsayım da, bebeklerin ne istediklerinin tamamen farkında olması. Bu da bana peygamber efendimiz sallallahu aleyhi ve sellemin çocuklara yetişkin gibi davranması üzerinden sünnetini ve fıtrat'ı hatırlatıyor o yüzden çok değerli buluyorum.
Yazarın yine her problemde önemine dikkat çektiği konu ebeveynin geçmiş travmaları. Bölüm sonlarında ebeveynin o konuda kendi içine dönüp bakabilmesi için yönlendirici sorular var. anneliğin belki de en büyük cilvesi, bebeğinin yüzünde kendi çocukluğunu görmek ve içine attığının bile farkında olmadığın bin tane duyguyla sürekli ama sürekli yüzleşme hali olduğu için ben bu yönlendirmeleri çok anlamlı buldum. Ama işte oku geç olmaz, üzerine düşünüp çalışmak yoğrulmak lazım, kolay değil.
Bunların dışında yazarın ensest gibi bazı konularda aşırı ılımlı uslübunu rahatsız edici buldum.
Yine de ebeveynlik konusunda okunması şart bi kitap mı a big yes.
Bende bıraktığı genel izlenim şu ki kitabın ana mesajı, bebeğinizle yaşayabileceğiniz tüm problemlerin temelinde bebeğinizin ağlama ihtiyacını tam gideremiyor oluşunun yattığı. Bebeğin ağlamasının anneyi içinden çıkılmaz duygulara nasıl da sürüklediğini düşünürsek, anneler için kesinlikle rahatlatıcı bir kitap olduğunu söyleyebilirim ki bence bir annenin asıl ihtiyaç duyduğu şey teorik ebeveynlik bilgisinden çok bu rahatlama hissi zaten. Sırf bu yüzden bile okunası.
Ek olarak, yazarın görüşlerini temellendirdiği başka bi varsayım da, bebeklerin ne istediklerinin tamamen farkında olması. Bu da bana peygamber efendimiz sallallahu aleyhi ve sellemin çocuklara yetişkin gibi davranması üzerinden sünnetini ve fıtrat'ı hatırlatıyor o yüzden çok değerli buluyorum.
Yazarın yine her problemde önemine dikkat çektiği konu ebeveynin geçmiş travmaları. Bölüm sonlarında ebeveynin o konuda kendi içine dönüp bakabilmesi için yönlendirici sorular var. anneliğin belki de en büyük cilvesi, bebeğinin yüzünde kendi çocukluğunu görmek ve içine attığının bile farkında olmadığın bin tane duyguyla sürekli ama sürekli yüzleşme hali olduğu için ben bu yönlendirmeleri çok anlamlı buldum. Ama işte oku geç olmaz, üzerine düşünüp çalışmak yoğrulmak lazım, kolay değil.
Bunların dışında yazarın ensest gibi bazı konularda aşırı ılımlı uslübunu rahatsız edici buldum.
Yine de ebeveynlik konusunda okunması şart bi kitap mı a big yes.
September 2, 2020
2 stele pentru ca avem o divergenta de opinie legata de alaptat. Alaptatul nu este doar hrana pentru copil, este si iubire, confort, siguranta, este o legatura speciala intre mama si copil. In plus, daca urmam sfaturile autoarei ne sabotam alaptarea, daca nu dam san copilului noaptea, productia de lapte va scadea. Va asigur de asta, alaptez gemeni de un an. Copiii se trezesc noaptea si au nevoie de noi, asa ca inarmati-va cu multa dragoste si rabdare. Sa crestem copii frumosi!
Cateodata au doar nevoie sa fie ascultati si da, plansul are efect terapeutic, total de acord. Dar autoarea exagereaza, dansa insista ca bebelusii au nevoie sa planga in fiecarea seara pana la epuizare pentru a se elibera de stresul acumulat pe timp de zi. Si ce sa vezi? Iti doarme toata noaptea?!! 😂 De obosit ce e nu e de mirare. Sa avem totusi grija de bebelus si daca putem face ceva sa ii alinam plansul, sa o facem, dar de acord, cu noi alaturi, nu cu ajutorul unor gadget-uri, paturici, suzete, etc.
Cateodata au doar nevoie sa fie ascultati si da, plansul are efect terapeutic, total de acord. Dar autoarea exagereaza, dansa insista ca bebelusii au nevoie sa planga in fiecarea seara pana la epuizare pentru a se elibera de stresul acumulat pe timp de zi. Si ce sa vezi? Iti doarme toata noaptea?!! 😂 De obosit ce e nu e de mirare. Sa avem totusi grija de bebelus si daca putem face ceva sa ii alinam plansul, sa o facem, dar de acord, cu noi alaturi, nu cu ajutorul unor gadget-uri, paturici, suzete, etc.
November 6, 2008
For regular attachment parenting stuff (and even basic child rearing/baby care stuff), I didn't learn anything I haven't already read in a bunch of other places. I think a better title for her book would have been "your baby is traumatized and needs to cry" because that seems to have been her real focus. I agree with other reviewers who said things like the information "was a little out there" and "crazy." Yeah, this woman is obsessed with crying and seems to regard it as the best thing your baby can do.
April 20, 2023
Solid information overall but yes a bit repetitive. Also the author repeats several times about how breastfeeding can be arousing which to me is creepy and totally not the case, this is something I feel like breastfeeding mothers constantly have to fight against. Hoping this has been edited out of the most recent versions. Birth trauma too - seems like she thinks every kid has it. But besides that I think it’s all pretty sensible and a lot I already had known from Janet Lansbury/attachment/peaceful/respectful whatever you want to call it parenting philosophy.
March 18, 2008
I thought her take was really interesting, but I'm still not sure how much I agree and disagree with her. In general, it came across as a little out-there for me. I do like that she presents crying (in particular) as NOT a negative state, that it might have benefits or at least be a neutral experience for a baby. I try to remember that when Corin's crying and nothing I do to "fix" it helps -- that just my presence and open heart are required.
June 2, 2017
I wish I had read this book before I had my first child! For me it's a lovely blend of attachment parenting and RIE insofar as treating your baby with respect goes. I see quite a few commentors are negative about the book, and I also disagree with her on a few matters, but I think that even if parents don't find everything working for them, at least it does a great job of describing normal baby behaviour and needs, something most new parents these days seem to be completely unrealistic about.
April 12, 2021
Özellikle doğum sonrasında bebeğin anne ile kavuşma süresi uzun olan durumlarda, ve yazarın tabiri ile “travmatik doğum deneyimleri sonrasında” bebeğin yaşayacağı travmanın onarılması konusunda önerdikleri çok çarpıcı.
Okuduğum kitaplar arasında en çok fayda gördüğüm ve bilgilendiğim kitap oldu.
Çocuğunuz ağlıyor ve nedenini bulamıyorsanız, çok kıymetli yanıtlar alabileceğiniz bir kaynak.
Okuduğum kitaplar arasında en çok fayda gördüğüm ve bilgilendiğim kitap oldu.
Çocuğunuz ağlıyor ve nedenini bulamıyorsanız, çok kıymetli yanıtlar alabileceğiniz bir kaynak.
July 2, 2010
This is a great book for parents who want to apply attachment parenting. This book takes it one step further and gives easy to use advice on coping with crying, sleeping issues and more... Love this book!
July 9, 2022
I learned attachment parenting from this book and try to apply it all the time.It is a book to read more than one time, it is possible you will need to go back to some parts, some time during your paranting journey. Every parents must read book.
January 9, 2018
Ağlama ile ilgili kısımlar oldukça ilginç.
Read
December 23, 2024I think this book was okay (read years ago) but all I'm going to remember of it is that it claims that comfort nursing leads to drug addiction. Lol.
November 19, 2025
I didn't do much research other than checking the goodreads rating, as I had just seen this book in a coffee shop and it seemed interesting, so I had the concern it might just a "quack" expert sharing her wisdom in form of a theory with no backup. But that is not the case, as the author quotes plenty of research, and also her philosophy aligns pretty much with mine.
One of the major issues in modern people is the idea of fixing things. We crave for being in control, and when something is not going as we expect it, we jump to fix it. That doesn't go well with emotions. And for a child that can mostly express themselves through crying, crying is not something you need to fix. When I see people with children that cry, their reaction is almost always that of jumping and trying to stop it, usually by distracting them in some way. Their reason is one of: "the baby is in pain, they need something, I need to provide it", "other people will be annoyed by the crying", "I'm a bad parent if the baby cries" or "I can't stand the crying, I needed to stop". The common theme with those is there no care for the child in any of them, it is just about what the parent wants.
Dealing with crying is similar to dealing with your own emotions. If you resist your negative emotions, if you try to fight them or to "fix" them somehow, you'll just end up more frustrated and stressed. A baby will cry a lot no matter what you do. So, rather than trying to fix it for your own self, you should see what's in the best interest for the child. And to me it's common sense that instead of trying to trick them to stop them from crying, you should act more like a compassionate adult, ready to stand there and listen to them, comfort them, even while they cry, just like you would offer a shoulder to cry on for your partner or your friends.
That's a big part of the book, the rest being about the idea that babies don't get the credit they deserve. They know very well what food they need, what games are good for them. In general, the philosophy of the book is to be more attentive to what their real needs are, and seek to nurture them, rather than what your expectations of them are. From that reasoning follows that punishments are bad, but so are rewards, as they will act just as tricks, which will get them to lose focus of the main behaviour you want them to have, and more focused on the reward, thus getting the opposite of what you intended.
That said, I found some of the things got repeated too often, and some of the chapters not that enlightening, but I guess that varies from person to person.
One of the major issues in modern people is the idea of fixing things. We crave for being in control, and when something is not going as we expect it, we jump to fix it. That doesn't go well with emotions. And for a child that can mostly express themselves through crying, crying is not something you need to fix. When I see people with children that cry, their reaction is almost always that of jumping and trying to stop it, usually by distracting them in some way. Their reason is one of: "the baby is in pain, they need something, I need to provide it", "other people will be annoyed by the crying", "I'm a bad parent if the baby cries" or "I can't stand the crying, I needed to stop". The common theme with those is there no care for the child in any of them, it is just about what the parent wants.
Dealing with crying is similar to dealing with your own emotions. If you resist your negative emotions, if you try to fight them or to "fix" them somehow, you'll just end up more frustrated and stressed. A baby will cry a lot no matter what you do. So, rather than trying to fix it for your own self, you should see what's in the best interest for the child. And to me it's common sense that instead of trying to trick them to stop them from crying, you should act more like a compassionate adult, ready to stand there and listen to them, comfort them, even while they cry, just like you would offer a shoulder to cry on for your partner or your friends.
That's a big part of the book, the rest being about the idea that babies don't get the credit they deserve. They know very well what food they need, what games are good for them. In general, the philosophy of the book is to be more attentive to what their real needs are, and seek to nurture them, rather than what your expectations of them are. From that reasoning follows that punishments are bad, but so are rewards, as they will act just as tricks, which will get them to lose focus of the main behaviour you want them to have, and more focused on the reward, thus getting the opposite of what you intended.
That said, I found some of the things got repeated too often, and some of the chapters not that enlightening, but I guess that varies from person to person.
December 21, 2025
For me this was a “take what resonates and leave the rest” type book. It definitely challenged my beliefs and offered some interesting perspectives—though I felt the presentation could have been better.
My biggest takeaway was that sometimes babies just need to have a good cry (while being held, assuming all their needs are met) just like kids and adults do. We don’t always have to rush to *stop* them from crying. Crying can be healing, and we don’t want to teach babies and children to repress their emotions.
I tried this theory out with my six month old baby, who has always been very difficult to get to sleep. I had just fed her 20 minutes prior, and she was obviously tired. She started to cry, so I held her and said “it’s okay to have a cry sweetheart, i’m right here with you”. I continued to hold her, and tried to remain calm myself. I didn’t do anything to try to stop her from crying (no rocking, bouncing, feeding, or paci). She cried for about 2-3 minutes, then fell asleep. She had NEVER once fallen asleep unexpectedly / without effort in her life. I was shocked.
All this time, I thought she was fighting sleep, but maybe in my efforts to try to “soothe” her she was actually wasn’t able to release her pent up stress and emotions. This has worked several times since!
I’m grateful for this book as it planted the idea in my head that a baby crying isn’t always something that needs “fixing”.
I also appreciate that this book is supportive of cosleeping and lots of contact in the early years. It is not possible to “spoil” a baby and developing secure attachment is important!
I’m not sure I agree about breastfeeding to sleep or for comfort always being a “bad habit”. But I can see how jumping straight to breastfeeding to stop crying could actually be encouraging a baby to repress emotions.
Be prepared for some unconventional ideas!!
My biggest takeaway was that sometimes babies just need to have a good cry (while being held, assuming all their needs are met) just like kids and adults do. We don’t always have to rush to *stop* them from crying. Crying can be healing, and we don’t want to teach babies and children to repress their emotions.
I tried this theory out with my six month old baby, who has always been very difficult to get to sleep. I had just fed her 20 minutes prior, and she was obviously tired. She started to cry, so I held her and said “it’s okay to have a cry sweetheart, i’m right here with you”. I continued to hold her, and tried to remain calm myself. I didn’t do anything to try to stop her from crying (no rocking, bouncing, feeding, or paci). She cried for about 2-3 minutes, then fell asleep. She had NEVER once fallen asleep unexpectedly / without effort in her life. I was shocked.
All this time, I thought she was fighting sleep, but maybe in my efforts to try to “soothe” her she was actually wasn’t able to release her pent up stress and emotions. This has worked several times since!
I’m grateful for this book as it planted the idea in my head that a baby crying isn’t always something that needs “fixing”.
I also appreciate that this book is supportive of cosleeping and lots of contact in the early years. It is not possible to “spoil” a baby and developing secure attachment is important!
I’m not sure I agree about breastfeeding to sleep or for comfort always being a “bad habit”. But I can see how jumping straight to breastfeeding to stop crying could actually be encouraging a baby to repress emotions.
Be prepared for some unconventional ideas!!
June 25, 2025
Ufff, this book. I can imagine that its core principlesu (babies are not dolls, they have an understanding of themselves and the world, crying is communication and emotion relief) were more than a little revolutionary when it first came out (2001). But some of the things come off as powerfully dogmatic, mom-shaming, and unrealistic. "If the baby's physical needs are met, they're crying to release stress and you should be with them, no distraction, not even rocking" - even ignoring how, for all the best intentions, you might miss a physical need or you might know what's wrong but can't directly fix it (she says, from the tummy ache / gas pains trenches), why the shit would you not help your baby feel better? "It teaches them to repress emotions" - or teaches them to regulates them. I'm not saying to use a pacifier as a plug, or go crazy with rattles or whatever, but movement and sound that's comforting? I'd love that for myself when I'm distressed. But maybe I'm repressed. Also, the offhand comments about how motherhood (there are half-assed references to dads here and there) is not only the most important, but the only thing you need to be doing. "Consider whether getting a job in the baby's first few years of life is worth risking their development - babies need you, not fancy toys" - mhm yup, there definitely aren't families where work is how you put food on the table, and also the mother can't possibly want her own life as well.
Anyway. There's probably good points in there, but it made me feel so, so terrible, so that's what I'm reviewing.
Anyway. There's probably good points in there, but it made me feel so, so terrible, so that's what I'm reviewing.
August 26, 2021
Gerçekten devrimci bir kitap.. Heralde bu kitabın bana nasıl dokunduğuyla ilgili en güzel ifade kitabın sonundaki mektupta karşılaştığım bir okurun yazara ilettiği ifade: “Hayatımın çok zorlu bir döneminde akıl sağlığımı korudunuz.” Oğlumu Mayıs 2020’de hayatıma girdiğinde 45-50 günlüktü. En zor günlerimde terapi gibi oldu bu Metin, belki de okumam bundan bu kadar uzun sürdü. 😊
Kitabın özeti heralde “koyverin bebeleri rahatça ağlasınlar”.. bunu daha da genişletirsek, yetişkin olarak bizlerin de zorlayıcı duygularımızla yüzleşip onları ifade etmenin bize iyi geleceği. Evlat edinen ailelere ve yurtlardaki bebeklere ilişkin de dışlamadan anlamlı yorumlar yapması ayrıca dikkatimi çekmişti okurken ki bu daha oğlunu kalbinden doğuran bir anne için paha biçilemez bi değer. Annelik oldukça zorlayıcı ama bir o kadar da öğretici, keyifli, geliştirici bir deneyim. Daha başından bu kitapla yola çıkarsanız aydınlandığınızı, ferahladığınızı hissedeceksiniz. Keyifli okumalar ☺️
Kitabın özeti heralde “koyverin bebeleri rahatça ağlasınlar”.. bunu daha da genişletirsek, yetişkin olarak bizlerin de zorlayıcı duygularımızla yüzleşip onları ifade etmenin bize iyi geleceği. Evlat edinen ailelere ve yurtlardaki bebeklere ilişkin de dışlamadan anlamlı yorumlar yapması ayrıca dikkatimi çekmişti okurken ki bu daha oğlunu kalbinden doğuran bir anne için paha biçilemez bi değer. Annelik oldukça zorlayıcı ama bir o kadar da öğretici, keyifli, geliştirici bir deneyim. Daha başından bu kitapla yola çıkarsanız aydınlandığınızı, ferahladığınızı hissedeceksiniz. Keyifli okumalar ☺️
November 27, 2025
Even the revised version is 25 years old so I believe this book is a little bit outdated on the data it is presenting and also most data is based on only US from a few decades ago like most “famously suggested” books. Although there were good takeaways, I found myself puzzled at times on how author can be certain or assertive of theories that cannot be proven. Author also makes a clear western/non-western distinction and I find myself on either side on different topics. At times on certain topics where I didnt agree with author her language made me feel anxious of how I am or doubt what I am doing. Liked the fact that book is splitted into sections and follows as a q&a so you can jump to the place you are interested in. It didn’t fully fly with me but most famous idea of holding baby and letting them cry even after all their needs are met probably relieved many parents not to feel so bad about their babies crying, including me.
March 27, 2025
Cartea este scrisă frumos, însă din punct de vedere conținut nu pot să îi dau mai mult de două steluțe (cu indulgenta). Sunt câteva lucruri foarte interesante, le-am și subliniat să le mai pot reciti la nevoie, însă în afară de acestea, mai tare m-am enervat. Nu condamn sub nicio formă părinții care aleg să doarmă cu bebelușii lor în pat, dar de ce trebuie să fie blamați cei care aleg să nu o facă? Practic cartea a sugerat ca dacă mama care nu își alăptează copilul la sân și nu doarme cu ea în pat, va avea un copil mai anxios, care nu se va atașa atât de mult de mama lui și care în timp se vor vedea anumite repercusiuni negative ale acestor lucruri. Nu spun ca e o carte rea, sub nicio formă. Doar ca nu a fost pentru mine.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 28, 2024
Daha önce hiçbir kitaba başucu kitabı dememiştim. Ama bu kitap kesinlikle öyle bir kitap. Ebeveynlerin karşılaşabileceği her türlü duruma değinilmiş. Soru cevap gitmesi, dilinin anlaşılır ve yalın olması, bilimsel çalışmalara ve alıntılara yer vermesi ama ders kitabı gibi hissettirmemesi gerçekten sevdiğim tarafları oldu. Baştan sonra bir sürü noktanın altını çizdim ki o durumla karşılaştığımda tekrardan dönüp bakabileyim.
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