Catch Me When You Fall

by Eileen Merriman

A moving novel about learning to find happiness in the face of uncertainty and discovering a love that transcends the boundary between life and death.

Seventeen-year-old Alex Byrd is about to have the worst day of her life, and the best. A routine blood test that will reveal her leukaemia has returned, but she also meets Jamie Orange.

Some people believe in love at first sight, and some don't.
I believe in love in four days.
I believe in falling.

Both teenagers have big dreams, but also big obstacles to overcome.

'Promise me you won't try to die,' I said. 'Ever.'
'Promise me you won't either,' he countered.
'It's not really something I can control.'

Genres: Romance, Young Adult, Contemporary, Mental Health, Love, Family

320 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2018

About the author

Eileen Merriman works full-time as a consultant haematologist at North Shore Hospital. Her writing has appeared in a number of national and international journals and anthologies, including Smokelong Quarterly, The Island Review, Literary Orphans, the Bath Short Story Award Anthology 2015, the Sunday Star-Times, F(r)iction, takahe, Headland and Flash Frontier. Her first novel was Pieces of You, with reviewers calling it 'compulsively readable' and 'compelling, challenging, and heartbreaking'. It was a 2018 Storylines Notable Book and, along with her second novel, it was shortlisted for the NZ Book Awards for Children and Young Adults.

Her other awards include runner-up in the 2018 Sunday Star-Times Short Story Award, third for three consecutive years in the 2014-2016 Sunday Star-Times Short Story Awards, second in the 2015 Bath Flash Fiction Award, commended in the 2015 Bath Short Story Competition, and first place in the 2015 Graeme Lay Short Story Competition.

Reviews

[Carole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alex is 17, her leukemia has returned, and she is falling in love with Jamie Orange. Set in Christchurch, this young adult novel of first love will move even the most stone-hearted reader to tears. Such good writing and authentic characters make this a stand out book for fans of The Fault in Our Stars and Jenny Downham's Before I Die. Highly recommended, just make sure you have the tissues handy!

[Aimee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of Catch Me When You Fall from Penguin Random House New Zealand to review. This is the second book I've read by Merriman.

I'm going to just admit that I was expection someone to die when I started this. I have no idea why... I'm not going to spoil the book and say if I was right or not though. You'll have to read it to find out.

I did enjoy Catch Me When You Fall but there were some things, okay two things, that I found kind of weird. So Alex and Jamie became a couple pretty fast after only knowing each other like a week maybe? I think they had met in person twice? I don't know. And then there was the thing with sticking their fingers in each others belly buttons.. What the hell is that about? It was just so gross. Is it something new? No. I don't even want to know. Forget I asked. Moving on....

There was also something that started to annoy me about Alex and Jamie. The characters weren't annoying it was just the fact that they kept repeating the same things to each other. I'm not into romance and cheesy pet names which is why it probably started to get a bit much for me.

Aside from those things I did end up liking the book and I did like Alex, Jamie and their families. I also like that both Merriman's books that I've read have dealt with mental illness. I haven't read a lot of books with mental illness but I have liked the ones that I have read. I think mental health should be in more books and TV shows/movies.

Anyway, I felt really bad for Alex and Jamies and what they were both going through. And I loved that even though they had their own problems they tried their hardest to support each other. I actually liked Alex and Jamie together. Despite the weird belly button thing.

I hope Merriman is going to write more books. I'll definitely read them if she does. Plus, she's a New Zealand author and I also don't read a lot of local author's books.

[Erin Milham · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was really sceptical about this book at first cause the beginning was so rushed, but then the pace slowed a bit and it got better. I think the middle was the best written cause the Epilogue is quite fast-paced as well. A bit too much. A bit like Jamie. Another good bit was Jamie's perspective at the end, I wish there had been more of him throughout the story. Also Angus is a darling. The story might have ended better if she had actually died. Either that, or lengthening the story a bit so you don't get this surprise 2-page Epilogue saying she lived. Probably won't read this again but it was kinda cute.

[Shanee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve literally finished the book in half a day despite being a slow reader. It is an absolutely unputdownable book that makes you smile, worry, rejoice and cry along with the two young protagonists on their heartbreaking journey with leukaemia and BPAD. Loved it!

[Rosie Robson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Catch me when you fall is a story of happiness and uncertainty. This book follows seventeen-year-old Alex Byrd and her struggle with leukaemia. On the best and worst day of her life, as she is waiting to have a blood test Alex finds herself sitting next to the blue eyed, snowy haired Jamie Orange. Alex is told very soon after she meets Jamie that her leukaemia is back and her world tilts. But she is struck by this beautiful turbulent boy who makes her feel very much alive.

A character in this book that I found very interesting was Jamie Orange, who is eccentric and slightly wild. This is somewhat due to his bipolar disorder. Bipolar is a mental illness that causes extreme changes in mood, such as high periods of mania and lows of depression. This is a disorder that Jamie supposedly controls with his lithium medication. While reading this book I realised that this is a real thing and it can really affect people’s lives. Jamie's character made me think about the seriousness of things like this and how sometimes we may take our health for granted.

A setting that I loved in this book was when Alex and Jamie were sitting at the top of Cave rock and watching the sunset. I really liked the description of this moment and how it was something so beautiful. But behind it there was the fact that Alex’s leukaemia was back which was something that was terrifying for both of them. Another part of this scene that I loved was how Alex was able to take photos, which is something that she loves to do and it meant that she could capture this time forever.

Something that I took away from this book was how we can always fight for what we love and that it is important to take notice of those you love because their absence could change everything.

[Sally Sutton · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this must be a young adult read. It was in the shelf at home and was a good one to have at work to read in idle moments. The key characters are very intense and whilst I have never experienced a life threatening illness their behaviour was extreme.
I would not read another book by this author.

[Saskia · Rating 1 out of 5]

Awful. Sorry! I feel bad when putting reviews like this up but, in this case, it's kind of civic duty considering how many positive reviews there are.

Terrible levels of yearning (above and beyond quality teen yearning), terrible writing and sloppy plotline. I did relate to any character and would have DNF'd if I had not wanted to read all of the NZ Book Awards books.

Oh, and the belly buttons. Ew. Yeah ... nah.

[MBF · Rating 2 out of 5]

I enjoyed the premise but I thought the writing and plot was a bit sloppy.

[Lydia Abraham · Rating 2 out of 5]

The ending was really rushed

[Maddi · Rating 5 out of 5]

So heartbreakingly good. Definitely made my top 3 books in the first 5 chapters!

[Sarah ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

WHAT DID I LIKE

how darn cute this novel was, it really swept you up
how fast paced it was, it made it so much easier to read
how real it felt, it felt like this was really happening due to the fact that alot of terminology was included and it made you feel like you were there in the hospital with them
How decently the Bi polar disorder & the depression were dealt with.
WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE

How instalovey it was. personally i dont like insta love, but I don’t hate it so, yeah.
All in all this was a cute book that I’m really glad I read.

[Richelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Eileen Merriman for another wonderfully written book. When I heard this book had come out I was at the book store all ready to buy it.

What I love about this book (and her previous book) is that it is relatable and relevant. Everyone has known someone that has gone through something similar, Eileen helps you to understand their perspective. She has a way with words that envelops you into their lives and take you on their journey. I would definitely recommend this book! Can’t wait for the next one.

[L. Howie · Rating 3 out of 5]

The novel demonstrates how shared challenges can bring people closer together. Our protagonist Alex, struggles to get rid of her cancer when she is 13. But when it came back 5 years later, it was an even greater threat to her life. When Alex develops a liver infection, and her chances of death increase drastically, Alex begins spiralling. She begins listing how to tell if you’re going to die. In this list, she mentions ‘Your grandma arrives, unannounced, from Tauranga.’ The vulnerability that emerged from Alex’s cancer created a space for connection that was quickly filled by the people around her. A larger challenge more deeply unveils the vulnerability and the larger space it creates. The more the door is opened, the more people can fit through.

Our deuteragonist Jamie has bipolar. This is the novel's second conflict and it demonstrates that larger challenges re-prioritize issues, and bring people together. When Jamie's bipolar is introduced, he is on his lithium tablets and therefore it is not a large concern. But just before Alex has her bone marrow transplant, Jamie seems to be getting less and less sleep, signs that he isn’t taking his medication. But when we reach the climax of Jamie's manicness, when Alex narrates that he ‘ran forward and jumped off the roof.’ Jamie becomes the main character in the character’s lives, united by the shared challenge that he brings. Jamie's bipolar was always there, but it only brought people together when it outshadowed the threat of Alex’s cancer. In this way we learn that not only do shared challenges bring us together, but they do this by making your other issues seem mild in comparison. Like when you exit a freezing pool and dry yourself off, the air seems warm in comparison to the temperature of the skin.

Overall the novel uses the two main characters to demonstrate that shared challenges bring us closer together. Both of these characters and their issues demonstrate this idea, but each of them highlight a different message within this idea. Our main character Alex not only demonstrates how shared challenges bring us together, but how the magnitude of the challenge dictates how many people are connected. Jamie’s challenges with bipolar demonstrates how these shared challenges bring us together, by outweighing our other problems. When we encounter a large looming issue, then it can remind us what really matters, like our connection to one another. Catch Me When You Fall shows us that even in the hardest moments, shared challenges can strengthen our bonds, and form new ones that last a lifetime. Shared challenges are like a stage spotlight, showing the audience what to look at, with the strength dictating how many people look.

[Adora Cain · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did not like the ending whatsoever. The author took me to the brink of heartbreak, something I was anticipating and searching for when I picked up the book in the first place, and then snatched it away with a two page epilogue that made everything okay again.
When I saw it was Jamie’s POV at the end, I thought *oh, how clever, no one really knows what it’s like to die but we know what it’s like to see others die. So Alex will die and we’ll see it all through Jamie’s POV and it’ll be sadder that way.* But NOO. He literally turned her into an angel on what should have been the final page and I was like *okay, metaphor for Alex dying*. I turn the page, and the epilogue is this fairy tale type writing and then a scene break, and they’re on the beach about to have public sex because she’s recovered.
Was ready to be shattered and was gearing up, tears had started gathering but they never fell because of that disconnected ending.
It was too short to feel any type of way about it. Like I didn’t feel happy. I almost feel like, we needed to see Jamie going to school and trying to function knowing Alex could die at any moment. And then he gets a phone call from Alex’s parents or something and he thinks it’s bad news but it’s actually news that she’s getting better. Instead it was *snap* SHE GOT BETTER. And I was like *what?*
Or how about maybe, after a whole book of her knowing she will die, actually letting her die? Having her breaths slowing and they were cuddling in that bed. And then the monitors start beeping. And Jamie is torn between clinging to her body and backing off so the doctors might try and resuscitate her.
SOMETIMES A HAPPY ENDING IS NOT A GOOD ENDING. It was so off. The ending felt so seperate and alternate universe-y that I’m wondering if it’s meant to be like that. Maybe Alex did die and the epilogue is a dream of Jamie’s or he’s gone batshit insane and it’s a hallucination.
This is my brain trying to figure out how the author wrote that ending for this book.
The book also got to a point where I felt I had to drag myself through it. Genuinely the only reason I kept reading is because I wanted to know is she died. I had to know. But reading that ending is almost worst than wondering what happens to her.

Oh yeah, and the R slur… was not a fan of the two times it happened. Wasn’t necessary. The characters seemed like well-educated people who’d know better than to use that word. Made me want to DNF, especially the second time.

[Olivia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Catch me when you fall

Catch me when you fall is a great book that captures your attention from the first word. It is a heartfelt relatable book that I would highly recommend because the story line is very strong and never gets boring. The book is written by Eileen Merriman and is the perfect book for when you are feeling down.

In this book Alex Byrd the (main character) is having a normal autumn in Christchurch New Zealand. Her leukemia had been dormant for 1 and a ½ years and in half a year she would be considered cured. On one of her routine doctor's visits to see if her leukemia has returned Alex has the worst and best day of her life all at once. She has the worst when she is told that her leukemia has returned, but the best when she meets Jamie Orange.

In catch me when you fall it’s not just Alex that goes on a journey but you go on one with her. The doctors visits, the down days and every second spent with Jamie. Shaving your hair off is hard for anyone, but having to do it twice takes a lot of courage. In this book I discovered what real bravery is and also that sometimes everyone needs a knight in shining armour.

The discreet air of mystery is a good balance for the romance between Alex and Jamie in the book. This book discreetly made me realise how lucky I am and that no one should ever take life for granted. I would highly recommend this book for children over the age of twelve and I would give it 4.5 out of 5 stars because even though the book was good, there is always room for improvement.

[ponkadookle · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book was a wonderful book, i could not even put it down for a second and normally with books i can’t last that long if it’s not interesting. although, this book had me in a chokehold and i just had to continue reading it!

i borrowed this from a library one day because the cover looked interesting, the blurb at the back made it interesting as well! it had intrigued me. anyway! the girl, oh my god, she goes through a lot. there’s a lot of medical terms i did not understand but i could inference what was happening, the characters do explain what the medical terms means so that helps too!

slight spoilers ahead —

the romance part is extremely cute and good! i loved it all the way through, although sometimes he can get a little crazy and wouldn’t take his medication (which led to this one scene). but the way he set out petals everywhere just for her, oh my god it made my heart flutter! even when she risked her life to go outside to just be with him when she shouldn’t be near sick people, it was truly love when they literally just met.

oh and the ending surprised me, i almost cried seriously. that was a big twist but it did run at the back of my head, i was thinking that it wasn’t gonna happen.

nevertheless, i truly enjoyed the book sm, i will never forget how tender and sweet this book was about. she battled really well and she was so lucky to find a match! definitely will be one of my favourites <3

[Dironego Jabberwocky · Rating 2 out of 5]

Bajo la misma estrella cancerígena que pretende hacer llorar al lector a expensas de enfermedades delicadas. Bajo la misma forma leucémica de narrar la historia de dos enamorados, ambos enfermos, y que siempre se disputan por quién es el que peor está de los dos.
Lo siento, Eileen Merriman, pero John Green con su libro oportunista te ganó la idea millonaria de relatar una historia en la que todos sufren con temas de salud, lo que me hace pensar: ¿qué tan deseable es querer ser leído como para abusar y escribir historias de esta índole?
Se me ocurre una idea brillante: una pareja (puede ser heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, transexual, asexual, o cualquier otra letra de la "incluyente" comunidad LGBTTTTTTIXQVIH) infectada de VIH, sida, VPH, sífilis, gonorrea... (¡el abanico para explotar los lagrimales del lector es infinito!) y que se enamoran, pelean por seguir vivos y al final uno fallece. Sí, autores así necesitan vivir más desgracias y escribir menos ocurrencias que sólo buscan hacerse con una fortuna autoinmune.

[Penny · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is very much in the mould of The Fault in Our Stars, but although it was published three years ago it hasn’t had many reviews, according to Amazon and Goodreads. The basic premise is the same – very sick girl meets very sick boy, she loses her virginity during the book – but it veers away from that. The thing I liked best about this was that the descriptions the book gave of Alex’s treatments, the effects her illness had on everyone around her, the way the people at the hospital behaved, and the way Alex and Jamie behaved all felt very real. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that the author has known a young person who was critically ill. I preferred this to The Fault in Our Stars which stopped feeling realistic at a certain point, whereas this never lost that feeling. Although both kids are ill, it is Alex’s story that is given centre stage here.

[Lesley · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the second book by Eileen Merriman I have read and I enjoyed this more than the first. I am unsure just what age would enjoy this book , although the 2 main characters were 17 I can't see my 16 year old grandaughter enjoying this book . I felt the 2 health issues which are the main focus for the story were sensitively handled and I also commend Merriman for setting the novel in Christchurch after the earthquake .The instant love for the teenagers was a bit over the top for me but I do understand this can happen in real life for some people, and I guess Alex and Jamie were both in a very vulnerable state when they met. I enjoy Merriman's use of the English language , her writing is precise with thought provoking themes.

[Sarah Hopkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eileen Merriman always surprises me. Her writing is amazing, and so easy to read. This is the second time I’ve read something of hers and I’m so glad I did. Her book Catch Me When You Fall nearly had me crying. I was emotionally invested in this book. It had me wanting to read more and when I wasn’t reading it I was thinking about when I was going to next. Definitely a book I would recommend anyone that feels like crying while drinking a hot chocolate in bed while it’s raining outside. I will have to admit due to work, it took me longer to read it than I thought.

100/5 stars... 💕💕💕 if only that rating was possible.

[Carly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just know going into this that it’s most definitely YOUNG adult. Some YA novels have a different vibe but this one was on the younger scale. Hence why I couldn’t get into the love story as anything other than ‘cute’. Some points a bit cringe. Especially when Jamie called Alex ‘puss-cat’. UGH. Was not a fan.

The whole cancer thing has definitely been done a lot for plot lines. What I found really interesting though was Jamie’s bipolar. It was done really well and it’s super important. Knowing someone with bipolar - the manic episodes are very real and very scary.

Overall, easy read but I think the young factor had me not connecting as much as I hoped I would.

[Lily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me cry like a baby from start to finish, like every other book I’ve ever read by Eileen Merriman. Although I felt the ending was abrupt and I thought she should’ve died (tragic I know, it just seems more fitting to me somehow). I loved Jamie’s character and personality and how overwhelming his love for Alex was, and made me want a relationship that fierce someday myself. I picked this book up for two reasons; 1. Because I’ve read the authors work before and loved it and 2. Because my nana last year died of Non Hodgkin Lymphoma and I’ve been intrigued with reading about different perspectives on cancer and living with it.

[Molly · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was probably one of the worst I’ve read, and I’m saying this as a teenager living in New Zealand. The plot was sloppy, and the characters were overly unlikable. Alex Byrd was vapid and shallow, and I don’t mean to be insensitive but she just seemed whiny and bossy within this relationship with Jamie. She threatens to break up with Jamie over him not taking his meds, and severely undermines his condition in favour of hers. Jamie isn’t much better, and should have dumped her when she threatened to break up with him over him not taking his meds. He also calls her Puss-Cat which is disgusting. Overall, it’s just a sloppy, frustrating read that felt like a repeated punch in the face.

[Keryn Powell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good read. I particularly enjoyed the dialogue and the photographic-like descriptions. Alex's mind felt a natural habitat and Jamie's quirkiness/manic balance worked without being overdone. The medical journeys anchored the characters, although I wasn't completely convinced at times in Alex's somersaulting love-hate feelings for Jamie. Perhaps I'm misremembering the speed and intensity of falling and and out of love, but that was the only thing slightly off key for me. So good to have a splendid YA book set in Christchurch.

[Ankez · Rating 3 out of 5]

Story similar to The Fault in Our Stars. This book contains realistic hospital lingo, but the teenagers’ relationship is weird. Hardly developed, the relationship all of a sudden gets serious and deep. Flat characters as parents, little development in the main characters apart from the disease developing. Loved the dark humour, I want spin off for Angus! Romance meets life threatening disease-plot

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Catch me When You Fall is a book about a girl who has cancer and the chances of love. When Alex discovers that she has leukemia again, she meets Jamie, a dashing boy with theatrical hopes and dreams. 5 out of 5 stars, a well-deserved read for fans of The Fault in our Stars.

[Diana · Rating 4 out of 5]

MY GOODNESS. THAT WAS A ROLLERCOASTER OF EMOTIONS. Good book. I learnt a lot about leukaemia and bone marrow transplants and what not. Also, NEW ZEALAND BOOK. YES. I really need to look at the shortlists for NZ book awards more often.

[Leigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

A gripping read - a young girl with leukemia (in remission) meets her dream guy and within a week relapses. He also has his own health issues to deal with.
The ending, while appropriate, left me feeling as though there was a better way to write it - hard to explain really.

[Ruth Reid · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this teenage book. Two different children with two very different medical issues. Cancer and Mental illness. Their relationships plus those of parent and child. Very well written and thought provoking

[Ceridwyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

So. Much. Drama. Well executed teenage romance with both protagonists realistically self-centred and histrionic. Both their situations deserve the drama and it was clear to me that the author was a thoughtful medical professional. 3.5 stars rounded down for the ending.