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How To Break Free of the Drama Triangle and Victim Consciousness
Recognizing the impact of Drama Triangle dynamics in your life might knock your socks off or even turn your shoes around! After reading this practical book, we can guarantee that the way you see the world around you will never be the same.
You'll be able to spot the Drama Triangle everywhere: in your friends' and family's high drama; in tv sitcoms and talk shows, movies and mainstream news; and behind Washington's gridlock. You’ll hear it in the chatter around the water cooler at work, and distorting your most intimate conversations (even those in the bedroom!). That's because three out of every five social transactions contain Drama Triangle dynamics.
This book takes the mystery of out of the Drama Triangle. It looks at its historical, social and developmental roots and gives simple, straight-forward ways to break free of these conflict-causing dynamics.
You'll be able to spot the Drama Triangle everywhere: in your friends' and family's high drama; in tv sitcoms and talk shows, movies and mainstream news; and behind Washington's gridlock. You’ll hear it in the chatter around the water cooler at work, and distorting your most intimate conversations (even those in the bedroom!). That's because three out of every five social transactions contain Drama Triangle dynamics.
This book takes the mystery of out of the Drama Triangle. It looks at its historical, social and developmental roots and gives simple, straight-forward ways to break free of these conflict-causing dynamics.
96 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 7, 2013
296 people are currently reading
580 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews
July 20, 2017
While initially promising, this book has proved to be a disappointment. If you want to gain a better understanding of the drama triangle then you would be better off read about TA (Transactional Analysis) and in particular the book by Eric Berne "The Games People Play". The Weinhold book is more about cover versions of other people's books than a new approach to the subject.
In brief:
- The book contains countless grammar and spelling mistakes.
- It is written from a specific cultural setting, the USA and specifically Colorado, and does not take other cultures or mindsets into consideration.
- Uses very generalised questionnaires to identify if you are a victim or not. In fact it is impossible to not come out as a victim using their methods.
- The clearest chapters of the book are cover versions of other people's books, Eric Berne, Robert Kegan, Stephen Karpman, Thomas Harris and John Lash. Between these cover versions are short chapters that deal with how complicated this subject is or how successful the Weinhold's are at dealing with students. Always promising that at the end of the book there will be excellent strategies that the Weinhold's have worked out.
- As is often the case with self-published self-help books the content reveals more about the writers and their own personal problems than it sheds light on the actual subject.
- Their view of religion is shallow and uninformed and can be found in chapter 7. In actual fact this is again a cover version of John Lash's book 'Not in his image'. It presents a 'meta-history' view of the world which is pure pseudo-science. The version of Islam and Christianity presented would be unrecognisable to Muslims and Christians.
- The book is full of Black/White statements that are the very thing that the authors are trying to get us away from as such statements embody what the victim triangle is all about.
Others have posted glowing reviews of this book, the only explanation that I can give is that the reviewers have not read much in this field of study. I had to force myself to get to the end of the book due to the simple spelling and grammar mistakes, the lack of unique content not found in other similar books and the disregard of other cultures. The Weinhold's reliance on others to provide the actual content of their book is shocking for two university professors, especially as they claim to have written so many books together.
From chapter 7 on the Weinhold's reveal their true interest, that of New Age pseudo-science and meta-history. Their reliance on the fanciful and imaginative world of the New Age totally undermines any credibility that they might have had and undoes any of the good that their cover versions of Robert Kegan and Eric Berne books might have been.
In brief:
- The book contains countless grammar and spelling mistakes.
- It is written from a specific cultural setting, the USA and specifically Colorado, and does not take other cultures or mindsets into consideration.
- Uses very generalised questionnaires to identify if you are a victim or not. In fact it is impossible to not come out as a victim using their methods.
- The clearest chapters of the book are cover versions of other people's books, Eric Berne, Robert Kegan, Stephen Karpman, Thomas Harris and John Lash. Between these cover versions are short chapters that deal with how complicated this subject is or how successful the Weinhold's are at dealing with students. Always promising that at the end of the book there will be excellent strategies that the Weinhold's have worked out.
- As is often the case with self-published self-help books the content reveals more about the writers and their own personal problems than it sheds light on the actual subject.
- Their view of religion is shallow and uninformed and can be found in chapter 7. In actual fact this is again a cover version of John Lash's book 'Not in his image'. It presents a 'meta-history' view of the world which is pure pseudo-science. The version of Islam and Christianity presented would be unrecognisable to Muslims and Christians.
- The book is full of Black/White statements that are the very thing that the authors are trying to get us away from as such statements embody what the victim triangle is all about.
Others have posted glowing reviews of this book, the only explanation that I can give is that the reviewers have not read much in this field of study. I had to force myself to get to the end of the book due to the simple spelling and grammar mistakes, the lack of unique content not found in other similar books and the disregard of other cultures. The Weinhold's reliance on others to provide the actual content of their book is shocking for two university professors, especially as they claim to have written so many books together.
From chapter 7 on the Weinhold's reveal their true interest, that of New Age pseudo-science and meta-history. Their reliance on the fanciful and imaginative world of the New Age totally undermines any credibility that they might have had and undoes any of the good that their cover versions of Robert Kegan and Eric Berne books might have been.
September 18, 2020
The Kickoff to Changing My Life
Groundbreaking and although there are a few typos in the Kindle edition, it's define worth a read if you continually find yourself stuck in social and familial situations seemingly difficult to understand. It's also a relatively quick read without psychobabble. Highly recommended!
Groundbreaking and although there are a few typos in the Kindle edition, it's define worth a read if you continually find yourself stuck in social and familial situations seemingly difficult to understand. It's also a relatively quick read without psychobabble. Highly recommended!
November 19, 2018
Started ok, then went right off the rails into woo world. Thank heavens it was only 87 pages.
May 24, 2019
Promising at the outset, quickly descended into pseudo-science (although they only chuck the “past-life trauma” in the last quarter).
November 22, 2023
Imperfect, but it has some really good self awareness exercises in it.
April 27, 2025
An interesting and at times difficult read. Having a pretty dysfunctional childhood family dynamic that has continued long into adulthood, I very uncomfortably recognised myself as both victim and persecutor - within the family and sadly with my relationship with my husband also. Some of the suggestions make a lot of sense; others I felt were aimed at specific groups and didn’t relate to my demographic. I also couldn’t relate to the suggested malicious intent of those determined to remain in the triangle. I felt there was a lack of compassion in the writing here. I also strongly disagree with the idea that once you stop “rescuing” you then refuse to listen to others’ moans for fear they drag you back into the triangle. The way it was worded was unkind and again without compassion. Overall an ok read (recommended by my therapist) but further reading around the subject required elsewhere.
May 10, 2020
This book is really clear on what it will cover and doesn't add any unnecessary detail. I found it very relatable and a fascinating overview of the drama triangle for those who are new to the subject.
I particularly liked the chapter on original sin and misinterpretations of the Bible however it does feel a little Americanised and also goes into depth about the American political system. I can imagine the book recieving a lot of undeserved low ratings for this.
It also features some exercises on healing from the victim complex and recognising on when you're projecting emotions onto others. A great read that I'll definitely come back to!
I particularly liked the chapter on original sin and misinterpretations of the Bible however it does feel a little Americanised and also goes into depth about the American political system. I can imagine the book recieving a lot of undeserved low ratings for this.
It also features some exercises on healing from the victim complex and recognising on when you're projecting emotions onto others. A great read that I'll definitely come back to!
August 15, 2023
A great book to help with understanding how we navigate what Eric Berne calls the game we play. I am trying to wrap my head around Barry and J’s perspective on ‘religion’ seeing that some research have found that people who have some faith tend to navigate their overwhelming thoughts etc.
I guess understanding of what faith and religion means to each will be highly subjective.
While I do know that some custodians of most religions have manipulated it’s tenets,it doesn’t necessarily make the religions an harbinger for drama triangle and victim consciousness
I guess understanding of what faith and religion means to each will be highly subjective.
While I do know that some custodians of most religions have manipulated it’s tenets,it doesn’t necessarily make the religions an harbinger for drama triangle and victim consciousness
September 24, 2023
Simple explanations but then the hard work begins
I’ve been a rescuer all my life, trying to fix things, even enjoying the role, feeling like it’s my purpose but ultimately it leaves me frustrated, exhausted and angry. This book has helped me not to immediately change but at least understand the steps I have to make to break the cycle, or triangle, be honest with myself and to others. A good read, very helpful and gives you all the tools you need - no easy fix but light at the end of the tunnel.
I’ve been a rescuer all my life, trying to fix things, even enjoying the role, feeling like it’s my purpose but ultimately it leaves me frustrated, exhausted and angry. This book has helped me not to immediately change but at least understand the steps I have to make to break the cycle, or triangle, be honest with myself and to others. A good read, very helpful and gives you all the tools you need - no easy fix but light at the end of the tunnel.
October 22, 2017
Not only a good read for parents, for managers as well. Victim thinking is pervasive in our society. A large part of the population grow up with victim thinking patterns and become totally unaware of these patterns. I see it in myself and in others all the time. Unfortunately, our society encourages this type of thinking. The best cure for victim thinking is: take 100% responsibility for your life and results. Don't like the results, then ask yourself: what am I going to differently?
April 12, 2018
Thought provoking!
So many aha!! Moments within this book, definitely given me food for thought! and some useful strategies for self improvement. Read in one night and without realising I personally might need it, it has opened my eyes about so many things on a personal, small groups and global level. Going to be contemplating what I have read for quite some time I think. Thank you
So many aha!! Moments within this book, definitely given me food for thought! and some useful strategies for self improvement. Read in one night and without realising I personally might need it, it has opened my eyes about so many things on a personal, small groups and global level. Going to be contemplating what I have read for quite some time I think. Thank you
March 20, 2022
This short book packs a punch. Not sure if it's the best introduction to the Karpman Triangle but if you're familiar with it and are looking for strategies to relate differently this is a great resource.
They also touch on shadow work and inner child work and even include a potent exercise for healing projections.
The kindle version is rife with typos and formatting issues which is a pity, and obviously not a reflection on the quality of the content.
They also touch on shadow work and inner child work and even include a potent exercise for healing projections.
The kindle version is rife with typos and formatting issues which is a pity, and obviously not a reflection on the quality of the content.
March 5, 2024
One of the most game changing books I have ever read. It has very visibly changed my life on every level from my interactions with others to how I see society and media. I found it to be very logical and self evident once patterns were brought to my awareness. It has enabled me to avoid countless social blunders, inappropriate situations and has EXPONENTIALLY improved my mental health and relationships.
I could not recommend this book enough. A life saver!!!!
I could not recommend this book enough. A life saver!!!!
May 15, 2020
Great help for therapy. I use this book a lot with clients who are struggling with how to manage dysfunctional family relationships.
Very helpful book for working with clients and family systems. The helpful strategies for managing blame, shame, and developmental trauma are wonderful.
Very helpful book for working with clients and family systems. The helpful strategies for managing blame, shame, and developmental trauma are wonderful.
November 5, 2022
Very short, to the point book. I wanted to learn more about the Drama Triangle and had this on my to buy list for a long time. They unpack a lot of theory very quickly and I would have appreciated a few more examples to show it in context. It’s definitely got me thinking and I hope I’ll return to it to understand it on a deeper level.
January 18, 2023
life changing
This is the best book I have read in my memory. I can’t recommend it enough. It was changed my life dramatically. There is one chapter where the authors unprocessed religious trauma makes an appearance but just skip that part, or realize we are all human and will have some drama in us.
This is the best book I have read in my memory. I can’t recommend it enough. It was changed my life dramatically. There is one chapter where the authors unprocessed religious trauma makes an appearance but just skip that part, or realize we are all human and will have some drama in us.
September 6, 2023
helpful
This book has some helpful advice. I like the way it explains the drama triangle. I’ve heard about “playing the victim” for years but had never heard about the drama triangle. I can totally see the vicious cycle now. I hope I can practice some of what I’ve learned and break free, as they say.
This book has some helpful advice. I like the way it explains the drama triangle. I’ve heard about “playing the victim” for years but had never heard about the drama triangle. I can totally see the vicious cycle now. I hope I can practice some of what I’ve learned and break free, as they say.
July 16, 2025
This book just amazed me. It’s short but it’s packed with brilliant ideas and concepts.
I feel like if it were some other author and other times each chapter from this book would be extended into a separate book and it’s still wouldn’t feel like milking the subject. Awesome. I rarely feel like reading the book again right after I finished it, but it’s the case here.
I feel like if it were some other author and other times each chapter from this book would be extended into a separate book and it’s still wouldn’t feel like milking the subject. Awesome. I rarely feel like reading the book again right after I finished it, but it’s the case here.
September 13, 2018
A quite quick rundown of the Drama Triangle concept, and not the through discussion including self-help tools which was described by the cover.
Still an interesting introduction that could help to decide whether one feels that this is a theory worth exploring further in depth.
Still an interesting introduction that could help to decide whether one feels that this is a theory worth exploring further in depth.
July 22, 2019
Feel set free
Amazing book, underpinned by Transactional Analysis, and focusing on the Drama Triangle.
Couldn’t put it down! Will be revisiting it in order to work on myself and achieve personal freedom.
Thank you 🙌🏻
Amazing book, underpinned by Transactional Analysis, and focusing on the Drama Triangle.
Couldn’t put it down! Will be revisiting it in order to work on myself and achieve personal freedom.
Thank you 🙌🏻
October 5, 2019
Tet technique really helped
I loved how practical this book was, no unnecessary information, everything is written to a practical point. You can literally feel the support coming from the pages of the book
I loved how practical this book was, no unnecessary information, everything is written to a practical point. You can literally feel the support coming from the pages of the book
October 10, 2021
A must read for adults who experienced dysfunction
This book has assisted me in recognising my own behaviours and other, enabling to move forward in my life a most positive manner. I cannot recommend it enough. I will definitely read it again if I feel moments of uncertainty.
This book has assisted me in recognising my own behaviours and other, enabling to move forward in my life a most positive manner. I cannot recommend it enough. I will definitely read it again if I feel moments of uncertainty.
October 27, 2021
Good explanation of the phenomenon and how to get out of it. I think this book would be most helpful for someone who utilizes the drama triangle themself, but I am hopeful that it will also help me avoid and/or recognize such people in the future.
January 3, 2022
What a great self help book
This book is a game changer. I can't recommend it highly enough. It has helped me to look at myself differently and I've had some huge realizations about myself and my relationships. This book is empowering!
This book is a game changer. I can't recommend it highly enough. It has helped me to look at myself differently and I've had some huge realizations about myself and my relationships. This book is empowering!
May 24, 2025
this book was life changing for me. not because it was well written, but because the ideas were eye opening. I felt that the examples given were too extreme and not relatable. I highly recommend reading it anyway.
February 4, 2018
Most of this was common sense, but coming from a teacher's perspective the way that it was broken down was especially effective for me.
December 31, 2018
It would be nice to get more on the strategies for avoiding the Drama Triangle.
February 11, 2019
Technical, but a good look at the complexity of relationships, and how you can be pulled into peoples messy insecurities.
May 8, 2020
The kindle version was so full of typos it was virtually unreadable. The book contains little substance, there are a few useful tips but I certainly didn't feel this book was going to change my life.
May 29, 2020
I stumbled across this book. It's short. It highlighted a concept which is interesting. I'll move onto Eric Berne's book "The Games People Play"
Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews