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253 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2016



As the taxi waits outside, I turn back at the doorstep and fetch a few tools. There is no telling what circumstances I might land in, I might need to put up a hook. I also take an extension cord and transformer, which is when I realise I may as well take the small toolbox, the one with the rechargeable drill.The story's narrator has just arrived in the "dangerous country" that is mostly in ruins from the war. He is riding in a taxi to the hotel with one other passenger and they ask why he came to this country
He wants to know what I’m doing in this place.Coming to the "dangerous" country for vacation is so obviously absurd as to be unbelievable, thus later in the story he admits the truth.
“Vacation,” I say.
They both stare at me, the man and the woman. I notice them exchanging a glance in the mirror. The man says something I don’t understand to the woman, then they look at me again and nod.
Before I know it, I’ve said it.The following excerpt is from a place in the story when the narrator is getting a lesson in proper etiquette in a country where people are recovering from war.
“I actually came to die.”
She looks straight at me.
“Are you ill or …?”
“No.”
I sense she wants more information.
“To die how?”
“To kill myself. I haven’t decided how yet.”
“I understand.”
I don’t know what she understands.
“You don’t ask a man if he’s killed someone or a woman if she has been raped or by how many.”He's a man with a tool box in a country with lots of things needing repair so he inevitably succumbs to a compulsion to help fix things. Ironically he failed to pack a tool or pharmaceutical with which to commit suicide, and since he is overwhelmed with a backlog of handyman projects to complete he doesn't have time to figure out how to kill himself.
“No, you don’t have to worry about me asking any questions,” I say.
“And when one sees a child, one doesn’t wonder whether it’s the child of a woman who was raped by an enemy soldier.”
“No, one doesn’t.”
She adjusts a lock of hair, tucks it under the clip. “All women are subjected to violence in war,” she continues without looking at me.
Before I realise it, I hear myself saying:It is no surprise that the story has a generally happy ending. However, there is a report of unexpected news at the end of the book.
“I’m going to extend my stay. I’ve got a job.”
“Job?”
“Yes, sort of. It’ll delay me. For several weeks.”
“Several weeks?”
“Yes, I’m helping some women here to fix up a house.”
We are still separated by three floorboards, massive pinewood from the surrounding forest, which is carpeted with mines, each floorboard is thirty centimetres wide, with intermittent gaps, and I stretch out my arms, groping towards her like a blind man trying to catch his bearings. First I reach the surface of the body, the skin, a streak of moonlight caressing her back through a slit between the curtains. She takes one step towards me, I step on a creaking floorboard. And she also holds out her hand, measuring palm against palm, lifeline against lifeline, and I feel a turbulence gushing through my carotid artery and also a pulsation in my knees and arms, how the blood flows from organ to organ. Leaf-patterned wallpaper adorns the walls around the bed in room eleven of Hotel Silence and I think to myself, tomorrow I'll start to sandpaper and polish the floor.
Is there something I still long to experience? Nothing I can think of. I have held a newborn slimy red baby, chopped down a Christmas tree in the woods in December, taught a child to ride a bike, changed a tire up on a mountain road alone at night in a snowstorm, braided my daughter's hair, driven through a polluted valley full of factories abroad, rattled in the rear carriage of a small train, boiled potatoes on a Primus in a coal-black sand desert, wrestled with the truth under long and short shadows, and I know that a man both cries and laughs, that he suffers and loves, that he possesses a thumb and writes poems, and I know that a man knows that he is mortal. What's left? To hear the chirp of a nightingale? To eat a white dove?
If we were to sit down, me and this young woman in pink sneakers, and compare our scars, our maimed bodies, and count how many stitches had been sewn from the neck down, and then draw a line between them and add them all up, she would be the winner. My scratches are insignificant, laughable. Even if I had lance wounds in my side, the girl would win the prize.