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Three Flames
From the internationally bestselling author of Einstein's Dreams comes a deeply compelling story about the lives of a Cambodian family―set between 1973, just before the Cambodian Genocide by the Khmer Rouge―to 2015.
The stories of one Cambodian family are intricately braided together in Alan Lightman's haunting Three Flames, his first work of fiction in six years.
Three Flames portrays the struggles of a Cambodian farming family against the extreme patriarchal attitudes of their society and the cruel and dictatorial father, set against a rural community that is slowly being exposed to the modern world and its values. A mother must fight against memories of her father's death at the hands of the Khmer Rouge, and her powerful desire for revenge. A daughter is married off at sixteen to a wandering husband and his domineering aunt; another daughter is sent to the city to work in the factories to settle her father's gambling debt. A son dreams of marrying the most beautiful girl of the village and escaping the life of a farmer. And the youngest daughter bravely challenges her father so she can stay in school and strive for a better future.
A vivid story of revenge and forgiveness, of a culture smothering the dreams of freedom, and of tradition against courage, Three Flames grows directly from Lightman's work as the founder of the Harpswell Foundation, a nonprofit organization whose mission is to advance a new generation of female leaders in Cambodia and all of Southeast Asia.
The stories of one Cambodian family are intricately braided together in Alan Lightman's haunting Three Flames, his first work of fiction in six years.
Three Flames portrays the struggles of a Cambodian farming family against the extreme patriarchal attitudes of their society and the cruel and dictatorial father, set against a rural community that is slowly being exposed to the modern world and its values. A mother must fight against memories of her father's death at the hands of the Khmer Rouge, and her powerful desire for revenge. A daughter is married off at sixteen to a wandering husband and his domineering aunt; another daughter is sent to the city to work in the factories to settle her father's gambling debt. A son dreams of marrying the most beautiful girl of the village and escaping the life of a farmer. And the youngest daughter bravely challenges her father so she can stay in school and strive for a better future.
A vivid story of revenge and forgiveness, of a culture smothering the dreams of freedom, and of tradition against courage, Three Flames grows directly from Lightman's work as the founder of the Harpswell Foundation, a nonprofit organization whose mission is to advance a new generation of female leaders in Cambodia and all of Southeast Asia.
1 pages, Audio CD
First published January 1, 2019
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About the author
Alan Lightman
49 books1,300 followersAlan Lightman is an American writer, physicist, and social entrepreneur. Born in 1948, he was educated at Princeton and at the California Institute of Technology, where he received a PhD in theoretical physics. He has received five honorary doctoral degrees. Lightman has served on the faculties of Harvard and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) and was the first person at MIT to receive dual faculty appointments in science and in the humanities. He is currently professor of the practice of the humanities at MIT. His scientific research in astrophysics has concerned
black holes, relativity theory, radiative processes, and the dynamics of systems of stars. His essays and articles have appeared in the Atlantic, Granta, Harper’s, the New Yorker, the New York Review of Books, Salon, and many other publications. His essays are often chosen by the New York Times as among the best essays of the year. He is the author of 6 novels, several collections of essays, a memoir, and a book-length narrative poem, as well as several books on science. His novel Einstein’s Dreams was an international bestseller and has been the basis for dozens of independent theatrical and musical adaptations around the world. His novel The Diagnosis was a finalist for the National Book Award. His most recent books are The Accidental Universe, which was chosen by Brain Pickings as one of the 10 best books of 2014, his memoir Screening Room, which was chosen by the Washington Post as one of the best books of the year for 2016,
and Searching for Stars on an Island in Maine (2018), an extended meditation on science and religion – which was the basis for an essay
on PBS Newshour. Lightman is an elected fellow of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences. He is also the founder of the Harpswell Foundation, a nonprofit organization whose mission is “to advance a new generation of women leaders in Southeast Asia.” He has received the gold medal for humanitarian service from the government of Cambodia.
black holes, relativity theory, radiative processes, and the dynamics of systems of stars. His essays and articles have appeared in the Atlantic, Granta, Harper’s, the New Yorker, the New York Review of Books, Salon, and many other publications. His essays are often chosen by the New York Times as among the best essays of the year. He is the author of 6 novels, several collections of essays, a memoir, and a book-length narrative poem, as well as several books on science. His novel Einstein’s Dreams was an international bestseller and has been the basis for dozens of independent theatrical and musical adaptations around the world. His novel The Diagnosis was a finalist for the National Book Award. His most recent books are The Accidental Universe, which was chosen by Brain Pickings as one of the 10 best books of 2014, his memoir Screening Room, which was chosen by the Washington Post as one of the best books of the year for 2016,
and Searching for Stars on an Island in Maine (2018), an extended meditation on science and religion – which was the basis for an essay
on PBS Newshour. Lightman is an elected fellow of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences. He is also the founder of the Harpswell Foundation, a nonprofit organization whose mission is “to advance a new generation of women leaders in Southeast Asia.” He has received the gold medal for humanitarian service from the government of Cambodia.
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September 28, 2023
One flame is to keep the gratitude toward your parents
You have to walk on the way that was paved by your parents and serve your parents well
…Another flame is your husband who you stay with forever
You should serve well don't make him disappointed
Forgive him in the name of woman; don't speak in the way that you consider him as equal
… Complaining/nagging until everyone in district know the problem so no happiness (What happens in the home stays in the home) - From the Chbab Srey - (code of conduct for Khmer Women) - quoted from Cambodia Expats Online
[The Chbab Srey] a rhythmic poem widely recited to Cambodian girls…was part of the school curriculum until 2007 and it remains influential in Khmer culture. Cambodian women are expected to be “gentle, soft, obedient and shy”, states a report published by Amnesty International (IA) in 2010. “Be respectful to your husband. Serve him well, and keep the three flames. You have to keep the fire burning regularly. Otherwise it will burn you. Do not bring outside problems indoors. Do not bring indoors problems outside,” the poem teaches. – from the Contributaria article noted in EXTRA STUFF
Alan Lightman
As bad as sexual predation and exploitation is in Western countries, there are places where women are at even greater risk. Cambodia is one of these. How might such a poisonously patriarchal cultural orientation affect people’s lives? The Three Flames shows us that impact through the experience of a single family.
We begin when Ryna, the mother of the household, sees at the marketplace the man who had murdered her father thirty-three years ago in one of Pol Pot’s camps. In fact he had been the commander of the camp, where her sister had been repeatedly raped and was eventually killed, and where her brother had died of starvation. Presents a quandary. Out him to any who will listen? Get someone to do the deed or kill him yourself? Or find some other response?
Ryna has four children. Pich, the father, has accumulated a world of debt, from the usual challenges of a farming life, and some personal spending he prefers to keep to himself. He needs someone to go work in a Phnom Penh factory to help pay off the family’s debt. When Ryna volunteers, Thida, the eldest daughter, who is devoted to her mother, steps in and volunteers to go in Ryna’s place. While accepting this with equanimity, as a devoted daughter doing her familial duty, she is in for some unpleasant surprises, as it appears her father has all but sold her to her employer. Thida comes to see herself as a ghost in this life, happy that her sacrifice will help her family.
Nita, the middle daughter, is forced by her father to leave school (she is the best student there, but her father ignores the pleas of her teachers to allow her to complete her education) and work in the fields with him. Soon after, he arranges for her to marry a rich businessman, and she is whisked away to live with the man’s miserable aunt in a faraway village.
Kamal, the son, is infatuated with his friend’s cousin, Sophea, who lives in Phnom Penh but comes back for family events from time to time. Kamal is an innocent, a pure soul, untouched by gossip that the very beautiful and well-dressed Sophea is a prostitute. He does his best to woo her. She is ill-regarded in the community, and dad wants him to come home to help tend the family farm. Although his options are limited, it is to a considerably lesser degree than the limitations his father inflicts, or tries to inflict, on his daughters.
We get a look back at the history of Pich, his less than stellar character, including a particularly feckless crime. The guilt he carries is clear, but it does not seem to lead him to being at all a better person, merely provides fuel for his unkindness to most others.
Finally, there is the youngest, Sreypov. She is an excellent student, who also keeps a journal, writes poetry, and heads out to quiet fields at night to lie on the ground and contemplate the stars. (So, of course the locals consider her dangerously odd).
It was another world up in the night sky. After a few minutes Sreypov would feel herself falling into that world. How far did it go? She wondered. Lying there, she lost track of the animal sounds in the fields, she lost track of her body, she lost track of time. She just was. She saw patterns in the stars, not the ones she’d learned in school, but other patterns: trees and ships and crowns that princesses wore. Did each star know it was part of a pattern. It must. And yet each star was alone, like her, a single point in the world.Pop is hot to trot to get her married off as well, but she puts up the fiercest resistance.
The old cultural norms are still in force even though the country is slowing moving into the modern age. And the impact on women is huge, and tragic.
Lightman learned a bit about this in the earliest years of the 21st century, during visits to the country. The educated population of Cambodia had been largely wiped out by the Cambodian genocide that began in 1975 when Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge came to power. Even in the 21st century, out-of-town male students at Phnom Penh universities could reside at Buddhist temples or rent rooms together, but women did not have those options. So, in 2003, he started The Harpswell Foundation, which built the first women’s dormitory for college students in Phnom Penh in 2006, completing another in 2009. It also provides considerable support services in addition to housing in order to support the development of Cambodian women leaders. I imagine the stories told in this novel all reflect real world tales he heard from those women.
There is a bit of magical realism here. Lightman is a fan of the technique, much taken with the work of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and other practitioners. A dead grandparent appears to Thida in a time of great stress. Pich’s grandmother likewise appears to him. This is seen as not so remarkable as it might seem in a western country.
The timelines are a bit staggered. We begin with Ryna in 2012, follow Nita in 2009, Kamal in 2013, Thida in 2008, Sreypov in 2015, when things wind up, and get a look back to 1973 to see Pich as a young man.
For such a short book, it certainly packs a considerable wallop. Primary is the vision of a society that is culturally hostile to females. The women here are treated as property, denied the opportunity to better themselves, continuing a culture in which their mothers had been raised, but one which is being increasingly challenged. We tend to root for underdogs, and there are plenty of them here. But we also get to cheer when those who are on the receiving end of society’s worst stand up for themselves. Lightman has done a wonderful job of making his characters not only relatable, even for folks from a dramatically different culture, but complex. Most impressive for me was how Sreypov’s view of her nogoodnik father shifts when she spies him in a very different venue from the one she knows, and how Ryna goes about dealing with the unspeakable camp commander she’d encountered.
It can be a fraught task writing a cultural criticism of a nation in which one is not a native. It seems to me that Lightman has carried it off magnificently. The Three Flames, while offering a dark portrait of a cultural bias that is fading too slowly, has also offered an image of hopefulness, of strength rising up to push back, a beacon to replace the flickering light of a dying paternalism.
“Chbab Srey is no longer formally taught, but parents are still using it to discipline their daughters, especially in very conservative families,” says Mom Chantara Soleil of NGO Plan International
Review first posted – September 6, 2019
Publication date – September 3, 2019
Thanks to Megan at Counterpoint for providing an ARE
=============================EXTRA STUFF
Lightman a physicist, who made contributions to relativistic gravitation theory, stellar dynamics, and many other aspects of physics that are obscure to me, did not really become a writer. He always was one. But he shifted his focus more toward writing over time. He has written multitudinous essays, has published many poems, has written novels and several works of non-fiction. Where the humanities, spirituality, and science meet, there you will find Alan Lightman. You can find out more about him at his MIT profile page. The page also contains a considerable listing of his works, many with links. A rabbit hole very much worth exploring,
His best known book is Einstein’s Dreams.
Interviews
----- Technology against gender violence in Cambodia
-----Blinklist Magazine - Alan Lightman: Outside The Book - by Carrie M.King - about a project Lightman took on in Cambodia and what he learned from it – fascinating piece
-----Sean Carroll’s Mindscape - Episode 38: Alan Lightman on Transcendence, Science, and a Naturalist’s Sense of Meaning - a podcast - 1:16:36. -- worth a listen
-----Literary Hub - a small item - Lit Hub Asks: 5 Writers, 7 Questions, No Wrong Answers
Items of Interest
-----small excerpts from the book, with a couple of illustrations
-----Muckrack - a list of Lightman’s articles in multiple publications
-----Amnesty International - Cambodia: Breaking the silence: Sexual violence in Cambodia
-----A Dorm of their Own - by Elizabeth Redden – on how the Harpswell Foundation is helping female leadership for tomorrow’s Cambodia
-----The Harpswell Foundation
----- Cambodia Expats Online - from the Chbab Srey (code of conduct for Khmer Women)
September 24, 2019
3.5 stars
It’s 2012, years after Pol Pot regime in Cambodia life is still hard for a husband and wife who have survived it. It’s a hard life farming and living in a one room house and their children suffer the heartbreaking consequences of this life and the decisions made by their hardened father. The narratives in this short book alternate with the family members beginning with the mother Ryna who remembers the horrific past and her father’s murder. Nita, one of the daughters was sixteen when her father marries her off to a rich man in hopes of financial gain. My heart was broken mostly for Thida, the daughter sent to Phnom Penh to work in a garment factory to pay off her family’s debt when the rice crop went bad and a worse fate to help pay her father’s gambling debt. There are also narratives of the son Kamal, the father Pich and the youngest daughters Sreypov, whose story told in 2013 provides the only hint of hope in the sad story of this family, as the impact of the past and their father’s choices affect them. The book reflects not only the father’s attitude about the place and future of his children, but perhaps a cultural one that is facing change in particular with regards to women. Lightman in his author’s note tells us that he is the founder of the Harpswell Foundation “which works to advance a new generation of women leaders in Cambodia and all of Southeast Asia.” An important book, informative, heartbreaking, but hopeful.
I received an advanced copy of this book from Counterpoint through Edelweiss.
It’s 2012, years after Pol Pot regime in Cambodia life is still hard for a husband and wife who have survived it. It’s a hard life farming and living in a one room house and their children suffer the heartbreaking consequences of this life and the decisions made by their hardened father. The narratives in this short book alternate with the family members beginning with the mother Ryna who remembers the horrific past and her father’s murder. Nita, one of the daughters was sixteen when her father marries her off to a rich man in hopes of financial gain. My heart was broken mostly for Thida, the daughter sent to Phnom Penh to work in a garment factory to pay off her family’s debt when the rice crop went bad and a worse fate to help pay her father’s gambling debt. There are also narratives of the son Kamal, the father Pich and the youngest daughters Sreypov, whose story told in 2013 provides the only hint of hope in the sad story of this family, as the impact of the past and their father’s choices affect them. The book reflects not only the father’s attitude about the place and future of his children, but perhaps a cultural one that is facing change in particular with regards to women. Lightman in his author’s note tells us that he is the founder of the Harpswell Foundation “which works to advance a new generation of women leaders in Cambodia and all of Southeast Asia.” An important book, informative, heartbreaking, but hopeful.
I received an advanced copy of this book from Counterpoint through Edelweiss.
September 24, 2019
A rather grim look into a Cambodian farming family, ruled by a a doctorial father, who is often at his worst due to excessive drinking. Each chapter contains moments in the life of one character in the family. A family whose elder members are still scarred by the Khmer Rouge and the civil war that ensued.
Chapters divided by family member is not my favorite way of telling a story. It breaks up, for me, a cohesive whole. Each chapter also deals with a different, subject, problem that kept any one thing from being fully explored. The Cambodian culture does come across, in the background of the stories. One gets a clear picture of the powerlessness of women, who are unable to make their own decisions.
A sliver of hope does emerge in the final telling of the youngest daughter, who manages to take minimal control of her own life. It was for the most part interesting reading, I just wanted a more thorough picture.
ARC from Edelweiss.
Chapters divided by family member is not my favorite way of telling a story. It breaks up, for me, a cohesive whole. Each chapter also deals with a different, subject, problem that kept any one thing from being fully explored. The Cambodian culture does come across, in the background of the stories. One gets a clear picture of the powerlessness of women, who are unable to make their own decisions.
A sliver of hope does emerge in the final telling of the youngest daughter, who manages to take minimal control of her own life. It was for the most part interesting reading, I just wanted a more thorough picture.
ARC from Edelweiss.
August 9, 2019
THREE FLAMES takes place in Cambodia and is told by interwoven stories concerning one family. I enjoyed reading this novel about a family's struggles and recommend this to everyone.
September 30, 2019
A moving novel of a poor Cambodian farming family spanning from 1973-2015. The author tells each person’s story in their own chapter-the parents, their 3 daughters and 1 son, and weaves them together throughout the book. Each suffering in their own way, mostly due to the uncompassionate, patriarchal father who makes life-changing damaging decisions for his children that are never in their best interest, and never what they chose, but are survival decisions he makes because of their poverty.
I felt empathy for all of them, even the oftentimes cruel father as he hadn’t had an easy life from childhood on, but especially for the suffering of his 3 daughters and his wife. After reading quite a few 3 and low 4 star books lately, this stands out and I rate it 5 stars.
I won this in a Goodreads Giveaway and in the letter received from the publishing company Counterpoint Press, the author Alan Lightman is the founder of Harpswell Foundation, a nonprofit org whose mission is to advance a new generation of female leaders in Cambodia and all of Southeast Asia.
I felt empathy for all of them, even the oftentimes cruel father as he hadn’t had an easy life from childhood on, but especially for the suffering of his 3 daughters and his wife. After reading quite a few 3 and low 4 star books lately, this stands out and I rate it 5 stars.
I won this in a Goodreads Giveaway and in the letter received from the publishing company Counterpoint Press, the author Alan Lightman is the founder of Harpswell Foundation, a nonprofit org whose mission is to advance a new generation of female leaders in Cambodia and all of Southeast Asia.
February 29, 2020
They were like pieces of things moving around in the dark. Was it all one accident after another? p191
Cambodia has not fully recovered from the genocide of 1975-1979 that blasted the land and destroyed over 1/3 of its population.
How does one recover from atrocity?
The versatile Alan Lightman has given us a glimpse into the life of a family of six. Six chapters highlight six points of view that impact each other even as they isolate each one with their particular anguish. These are heartbreaking stories of vulnerability and endurance, courage and resilience, brutal in their simplicity.
Generally, my preference is to read books set in other countries by people indigenous to that country. AL's long association and residency in Cambodia have given him the insight to write this book. His interest has not stopped there. Founder of the Harpswell Foundation, he has not just documented a situation, he is doing something about it. I am including a link
http://www.harpswellfoundation.org/ou...
October 25, 2020
Such a great novel. The female members of a Cambodian family try to survive an impoverished and often brutal society nowhere they are subject to the male members. The story isn’t linear but jumps back and forth in time. Each chapter takes place in a certain year. One woman in a village comes across an old man who’s visiting family, she recognizes him as Khmer Rouge who to tortured her family and killed her father. Another young woman is sold by her cousin after her father falls into debt with him. She ends up in a factory worked 11 hours a day, 6 days a week. After an attempted escape, she is kidnapped into sexual slavery. A young teen in an earlier time enjoys steaming bicycles, joining criminal gangs and tormenting his brother. A young man who worships a young woman loses his nerve to meet her. A family tormented by their father, sees a kinder side as he is dying. With all this heavy material, the novel is surprisingly humanistic and gentle to his characters. It also sounds very realistic for Cambodia
July 19, 2019
Won this as a Goodreads giveaway. Thank you!
The loves, hurts, smiles and scars of a Cambodian family. Every member has a story that weaves together the fabric of the family. A collection of unexpected beauty and understandable hurt.
The loves, hurts, smiles and scars of a Cambodian family. Every member has a story that weaves together the fabric of the family. A collection of unexpected beauty and understandable hurt.
Want to read
June 12, 2019Sounds so exciting!!! Can't wait!
October 7, 2020
Alan Lightman might be the best writer to ever put scribbles on paper.
Ryna was given to Pich in an arranged marriage. He was okay. She had her best friend nearby, so the two of them built a life with 3 daughters and a son. There were terrible years and bad years, the rice being so difficult to grow and sell, the other crops neither feeding them enough nor worth enough to sell for the money they needed. Pich, increasingly, took his solace in alcohol; Ryna in her children.
These six incredible stories show the inner lives and backstories of the six people in this family, and show how Cambodia is both retaining its strengths and changing its way of life. The sprits walk among this family, benevolent and wise, yet terrible choices are made, especially regarding the women in the family.
Blessings would have rained on a family with more boys, and, as the girls came of age, Pich was responsible for launching them into the world. His word was law: marry who he chose, work where he demanded, keep family close, remember all that your parents have done, kindly create a new family to populate the future.
This is a novel about one family deciding to both forgive and adapt, and Lightman, a physicist, puts their experience into context: "...Lying there, she lost track of the animal sounds in the fields, she lost track of her body, she lost track of time. She just was. She saw patterns in the stars, not the ones she'd learned in school, but other patterns: trees and ships and crowns that princesses wore. Did each star know that it was part of a pattern? It must. And yet each star was alone, like her, a single point in the world. The stars were bright little eyes looking at her, the tiny spokes of light coming down to exactly the spot where she lay in Mr. Hang's fields and tingling her skin. She felt comforted by them, so quiet and confident and still. Yes, it was a stillness. The night sky was the mind of the Buddha. And it seemed that theist expanse of time, going back to before her parents were born and before her grandparents were born and back and back through the generations that she never would know, and then going forward in time to when her parents would be dead and she would be dead, on and on into the future -- all of that unending strand of time seemed compressed to a dot. That single dot contained everything that was and everything that would be. She was that dot."
Wisdom for these crazy times, eh?
Ryna was given to Pich in an arranged marriage. He was okay. She had her best friend nearby, so the two of them built a life with 3 daughters and a son. There were terrible years and bad years, the rice being so difficult to grow and sell, the other crops neither feeding them enough nor worth enough to sell for the money they needed. Pich, increasingly, took his solace in alcohol; Ryna in her children.
These six incredible stories show the inner lives and backstories of the six people in this family, and show how Cambodia is both retaining its strengths and changing its way of life. The sprits walk among this family, benevolent and wise, yet terrible choices are made, especially regarding the women in the family.
Blessings would have rained on a family with more boys, and, as the girls came of age, Pich was responsible for launching them into the world. His word was law: marry who he chose, work where he demanded, keep family close, remember all that your parents have done, kindly create a new family to populate the future.
This is a novel about one family deciding to both forgive and adapt, and Lightman, a physicist, puts their experience into context: "...Lying there, she lost track of the animal sounds in the fields, she lost track of her body, she lost track of time. She just was. She saw patterns in the stars, not the ones she'd learned in school, but other patterns: trees and ships and crowns that princesses wore. Did each star know that it was part of a pattern? It must. And yet each star was alone, like her, a single point in the world. The stars were bright little eyes looking at her, the tiny spokes of light coming down to exactly the spot where she lay in Mr. Hang's fields and tingling her skin. She felt comforted by them, so quiet and confident and still. Yes, it was a stillness. The night sky was the mind of the Buddha. And it seemed that theist expanse of time, going back to before her parents were born and before her grandparents were born and back and back through the generations that she never would know, and then going forward in time to when her parents would be dead and she would be dead, on and on into the future -- all of that unending strand of time seemed compressed to a dot. That single dot contained everything that was and everything that would be. She was that dot."
Wisdom for these crazy times, eh?
September 11, 2019
Note: I won this book as an ARC from Goodreads.
Some books take awhile to get into. Some books you know are special after just a few pages. ‘Three Flames’ grabbed me from the start. There is nothing earth shattering about this book. For me, its power is in its simplicity.
The book invites us to share a period of time in the lives of six members of a poor Cambodian family - mother, father, 3 daughters and a son. Their stories are relatively simple. They live in a remote farming village with few options for improving their standard of living. Women are expected to marry the ‘richest’ (a relative term) man they can. They defer to their husbands to make any important decisions. A woman’s role is to raise a family and take care of husband and home. (I recently watched some original 1960’s Outer Limits episodes and was reminded it wasn’t that long ago that U.S. women were expected to play similar roles.)
I am often discouraged by the fact that so many women today live under the cultural oppression of patriarchal societies. Mr. Lightman does leave one with hope for a brighter future. Women are initiating change for the better by speaking up for equal (or at least increased) opportunities to make their own decisions.
This book reminded me how fortunate I’ve been to grow up in an environment which allowed me to create the life I desired. I recommend this book to anyone who is interested in exploring life in other cultures.
Some books take awhile to get into. Some books you know are special after just a few pages. ‘Three Flames’ grabbed me from the start. There is nothing earth shattering about this book. For me, its power is in its simplicity.
The book invites us to share a period of time in the lives of six members of a poor Cambodian family - mother, father, 3 daughters and a son. Their stories are relatively simple. They live in a remote farming village with few options for improving their standard of living. Women are expected to marry the ‘richest’ (a relative term) man they can. They defer to their husbands to make any important decisions. A woman’s role is to raise a family and take care of husband and home. (I recently watched some original 1960’s Outer Limits episodes and was reminded it wasn’t that long ago that U.S. women were expected to play similar roles.)
I am often discouraged by the fact that so many women today live under the cultural oppression of patriarchal societies. Mr. Lightman does leave one with hope for a brighter future. Women are initiating change for the better by speaking up for equal (or at least increased) opportunities to make their own decisions.
This book reminded me how fortunate I’ve been to grow up in an environment which allowed me to create the life I desired. I recommend this book to anyone who is interested in exploring life in other cultures.
November 23, 2019
As remembered by young daughter Nita at her forced wedding ceremony to a much older man. The three flames stand for:
1) Never take family problems outside the house
2) Never forget what you and father have done for me.
3) Always serve my husband and be respectful to him
The three flames suck and are setting everyone up for heartache. What year are we in? and where are we? 2008 Cambodia. It feels like it should be in a bygone era but oh so sadly it isn't.
This book follows a Cambodian farming family in the mid-2000s, filled with daughters and life is brutal. Each chapter centers around a character. Mostly it's daughters being placed in circumstances that break them, with no voice to speak of. But really the brother's story is sad too but it lacks the cruelty the daughters face, his dreams just get yanked out from under him. We also learn the history of the father, who is the backbone of much of the pain and sorrow. He's making choices and decisions that are awful and grown from his own terrible history.
It's a hard read. Just when you think things cannot get worse they do. Poverty. Bad decisions. A serial lack of education and idea that education doesn't matter. Women without voices. To think that this is portrayed during recent years is so unbelievable, it must be true. There is one slight glimmer of hope, just enough to keep you going.
1) Never take family problems outside the house
2) Never forget what you and father have done for me.
3) Always serve my husband and be respectful to him
The three flames suck and are setting everyone up for heartache. What year are we in? and where are we? 2008 Cambodia. It feels like it should be in a bygone era but oh so sadly it isn't.
This book follows a Cambodian farming family in the mid-2000s, filled with daughters and life is brutal. Each chapter centers around a character. Mostly it's daughters being placed in circumstances that break them, with no voice to speak of. But really the brother's story is sad too but it lacks the cruelty the daughters face, his dreams just get yanked out from under him. We also learn the history of the father, who is the backbone of much of the pain and sorrow. He's making choices and decisions that are awful and grown from his own terrible history.
It's a hard read. Just when you think things cannot get worse they do. Poverty. Bad decisions. A serial lack of education and idea that education doesn't matter. Women without voices. To think that this is portrayed during recent years is so unbelievable, it must be true. There is one slight glimmer of hope, just enough to keep you going.
December 9, 2019
"Three Flames" centers around the struggles of one Cambodian family - while the premise was very interesting, I found this book with some disjointed points. Even though the author illustrates well the hardships of this family by telling the story in multiple perspectives, the heavy issues could have been approached in a deeper level. Thus, I felt disconnected in some parts of the plot and actually thought that the characters were just forgettable. In addition, I didn't find purpose in the ending.
On the other hand, the tragedies that happened were written vividly and I found myself outraged with the absurdities and attitudes.
[I received an ARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review]
On the other hand, the tragedies that happened were written vividly and I found myself outraged with the absurdities and attitudes.
[I received an ARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review]
November 2, 2019
This is a beautiful portrait of a Cambodian family told over several years and a few different time periods. It is often sad, sometimes joyful, and full of details of daily life in rural Cambodia. Lightman pays particular homage to the strength and suffering of women in impoverished communities. I spent a year in Cambodia in my late teens and this book transported me back - I felt like I could smell it again through the pages. As a westerner I cannot be a true judge of the book’s accuracy to Cambodian culture and life but it is clear that Lightman has a deep love and knowledge of Cambodia, which shines through the book throughout.
September 19, 2019
Told from the shifting points of view of the different members of a single impoverished Cambodian family, Three Flames is a quick read, but full of warmth and authenticity. Where author Alan Lightman could have milked the drama of genocides, forced child marriages, and brothels, he instead kept the narrative hopeful and human-focused. The cultural immersion is nice, but the power of the human spirit is the big takeaway.
(I received a copy of this book for free through a Goodreads giveaway.)
(I received a copy of this book for free through a Goodreads giveaway.)
September 25, 2019
I won this book in a goodreads giveaway, and I loved it! It is a novel composed of 6 separate, but connected stories for one Cambodian family (mother, father, a son, and three daughters).
The characters are poor and ignorant, but very human; they express love, hate, and frustration; they forgive and forget atrocities committed against them; they steal and murder, and take revenge when needed.
You can’t help but feel empathy with the protagonists of the stories
The characters are poor and ignorant, but very human; they express love, hate, and frustration; they forgive and forget atrocities committed against them; they steal and murder, and take revenge when needed.
You can’t help but feel empathy with the protagonists of the stories
December 29, 2019
An absolute beautiful story about a Cambodian family's yearning for freedom from the extreme patriarchal attitudes of their society and a cruel and dictatorial father. Set in Cambodia, just after the Cambodian genocide and the rise of the Khmer Rouge between 1973 to 2015, I especially loved that the author equally captures both the personal and historical elements of a family struggling to make its way into the modern world.
March 5, 2020
Just came across this book in a bag destined for trade-in. I remember reading it (my first by this author), but I’m sad to say that even the book description does not jog any detailed memory of this novel. Not sure if this even counts as a “read” for 2019, given my unreliability as a reader....
May 20, 2020
A story about a family in Cambodia that spans many decades. Each chapter is devoted to a certain individual from the family told from their perspective. I was enlightened about social and cultural aspects of Cambodia and how women in particular are disempowered and discriminated against in that country even today. This book is sometimes sad, sometimes joyous (but mostly sad), and describes struggles facing many Cambodians. Well written, easy to read and captivating. I received this book in a Goodreads giveaway in return for an honest review.
December 27, 2020
Oh my, this book! This is the story of a poor Cambodian family: father Pich, mother Ryna, and children Nita, Kamal, Thida and Sreypov. The book consists of 6 chapters; each chapters explore a family member at a different time period (the most important period of their respective life to give context, background and better understanding of the character). To this day, Cambodia is still a patriarchal society: fathers rule and daughters need to get married as early as possible in order to support their family. Wanting to study is nonsense. Marrying for love is a waste of time (who has time to look for love? Just marry the neighbor's daughter and start a family asap so you can start making money). Despite the rural setting, the deep-rotted mentality, we see that those children still have dreams: go to university, travel, make a fortune, marry the most beautiful girl of the village,. but those remain dreams as they are considered fools would they dare to voice them.
This is a sad story that touched me and allowed me to bring some perspective to my life, especially inn a time like 2020 when we feel like we are being stripped from all our liberties.
I recommend this book to anyone interested in reading about a different culture, family, regrets,.. a high-class read!
Thank you Goodreads and the publisher for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.
This is a sad story that touched me and allowed me to bring some perspective to my life, especially inn a time like 2020 when we feel like we are being stripped from all our liberties.
I recommend this book to anyone interested in reading about a different culture, family, regrets,.. a high-class read!
Thank you Goodreads and the publisher for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.
September 9, 2019
Six chapters, one for each member of a Cambodian family told at a different point in time—mother (2012), middle daughter (2008), son (2013), oldest daughter (2008), father (1973), youngest daughter (2015).
The changing perspectives and time periods merge well—each new layer adds to the understanding of family life in post-Khmer Rouge Cambodia. The life depicted was not altogether pleasant (child labor, forced prostitution, sometimes loveless marriage) but thankfully not brutal. Very readable.
It intrigues me that the author: 1) founded an organization whose mission is to help advance a new generation of women leaders in Cambodia and Southeast Asia (he writes women well), and 2) has written several science books and a memoir. Not shocked to learn that he has a PhD in Physics from Caltech.
The changing perspectives and time periods merge well—each new layer adds to the understanding of family life in post-Khmer Rouge Cambodia. The life depicted was not altogether pleasant (child labor, forced prostitution, sometimes loveless marriage) but thankfully not brutal. Very readable.
It intrigues me that the author: 1) founded an organization whose mission is to help advance a new generation of women leaders in Cambodia and Southeast Asia (he writes women well), and 2) has written several science books and a memoir. Not shocked to learn that he has a PhD in Physics from Caltech.
October 20, 2019
Very good. My brother, an expat, lives in PoiPet, Cambodia. It was eye opening to get a look into the background of some of the characters he associates with. The women today still suffer to make a living once they are above marrying age, most are not able to either read or write even their names. Alan Lightman helped to bring about the Harpswell Foundation for girls in Cambodia who have the resources to further their education. Unfortunately, once the woman get over 30 or so, with very little or no, education there is not much hope for them (from what my brother tells me, anyway).
October 2, 2019
Im just gonna say it, this Author Knows how to Write !! I love how the words I was reading were just flowing along , it made it hard for me to take break from reading . I felt immersed into the stories of the characters , their lives and hardships. Very easy to get into and it seems a very realistic novel / stories I would definetely recommend this book if your looking for a short read , it's a fairly short book like 190 pages but it's a great portrait of human nature, human life .
October 13, 2019
This book is broken into six chapters, each told from the point of view of a different member of a Cambodian family, that jump backward and forward in time. At only about 200 pages there is a lot of pain and struggle in their stories but there is also a lot of strength and hope, especially in the tale of the youngest daughter.
I won a copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway in exchange for an honest review.
I won a copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway in exchange for an honest review.
February 21, 2020
Set in Cambodia, each section of the book deals with a member of a peasant family -- their hopes, their dreams, their reality in an agrarian patriarchal society. It also follows their life arc -- the emptiness and the parts that are full. It is amazing to me that the author Alan Lightman is not Cambodian, the voice is immersive and compelling.
An excellent Literary Fiction that will undoubtedly be showing up on numerous To BE Read lists and book review publications.
An excellent Literary Fiction that will undoubtedly be showing up on numerous To BE Read lists and book review publications.
July 25, 2019
Good read about a Cambodian family and their struggles.
September 26, 2019
I enjoyed reading the interwoven stories concerning one family.
Good read !
January 4, 2020
It was surprising (at least until I read about his charitable endeavors) to see an Alan Lightman book set in Cambodia, but he clearly has a great deal of knowledge about the country and the culture, and as always he can write. Still, for all the social commentary, I'm not sure this is really a great novel. The characters are pretty well developed, and the story cohesive, but it left me wondering in the end what Lightman really wanted to say. If it was to really delve into life in modern-day Cambodia, the novel was probably too small and focused, needing more space to develop them into more multidimensional characters. If the goal was to really deliver emotional impact, it needed more focus. In the end, it kind of ended up as an in-between short novel, somewhat thought-provoking but somehow less than it could have been.
February 6, 2023
3.5
Another gifted book, so not necessarily one I would have picked up on my own. Set in Cambodia, with each chapter taking on the voice of one family member as they navigate life and loss in a small village. Not knowing much about Cambodia, Lightman painted a vivid picture of the country and its aftereffects of political and military violence.
The book started with the mother's point of view, who is haunted by her family's deaths and trapped in an unhappy marriage and ends with the youngest daughter, who is determined not to get married and instead go to university to become a poet. So perhaps there is some opportunity and growth themes present in this family and others.
I would have liked more connection between the chapters, but sometimes things don't line up as much as you'd like.
Another gifted book, so not necessarily one I would have picked up on my own. Set in Cambodia, with each chapter taking on the voice of one family member as they navigate life and loss in a small village. Not knowing much about Cambodia, Lightman painted a vivid picture of the country and its aftereffects of political and military violence.
The book started with the mother's point of view, who is haunted by her family's deaths and trapped in an unhappy marriage and ends with the youngest daughter, who is determined not to get married and instead go to university to become a poet. So perhaps there is some opportunity and growth themes present in this family and others.
I would have liked more connection between the chapters, but sometimes things don't line up as much as you'd like.
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