Even If Your Heart Would Listen: Losing My Daughter to Heroin

by Elise Schiller

In January 2014, Elise Schiller’s youngest child, thirty-three-year-old Giana Natali, died of a heroin overdose while a resident in a treatment program in Boulder County, Colorado. Even if Your Heart Would Listen is about Giana’s life, which was full of accomplishments, and her mental illness, addiction, and death. Using excerpts from the journals, planners, and letters Giana left behind, as well as evidence from her medical records, Schiller dissects her daughter’s treatment for opioid use disorder (OUD) at the five residential and several outpatient programs in eastern Pennsylvania where she tried to recover, taking a close look at the lack of continuity and solid medical foundations in the American substance-use treatment system even as she explores the deeply personal experience of her own loss.

Poignant and timely, Even if Your Heart Would Listen is a meditation on a family’s grief, an intimate portrayal of a mother-daughter bond that endures, and an examination of how our nation is failing in its struggle with the opioid epidemic.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction

256 pages, Paperback

First published August 27, 2019

About the author

Elise Schiller has been writing fiction, memoir, and non-fiction and actively participating in writing groups since adolescence. She has published several short stories and a number of articles and essays, as well as two books: Even If Your Heart Would Listen: Losing My Daughter to Heroin, 2019; Watermark: Book One of the Broken Bell Series, 2020. She is now working on the second book of the Broken Bell Series. Schiller also blogs about the opioid epidemic, books, education, and family history on her website.

Reviews

[Stefanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even if Your Heart Would Listen is the memoir of a grieving mother who lost her daughter to heroin.

I’m not one to ‘judge’ memoirs like this one in the sense you judge other books, because it’s someone’s personal story. The content is filled with the highs and lows of someone’s life and who are we judge another’s life.

So, in my rating of this book it is the pure sense of what this story means to the world and the fact that it was someone’s life. Someone’s precious life and everyone should be a five star rating.

This book was heart-breaking. The opioid addiction in this country is raging on such a high level and the system is so broken, as expressed in this book over and over again. The people that struggle with addiction are not evil. They are not criminals and they don’t have a malicious intent. They are struggling just as we all struggle. Addiction is a disease and that’s something I strongly believe. Elise shared her daughter’s struggle from her birth up until her death and all of the in betweens. Her struggles with eating disorders, mental health disorders, and in the end drug addiction. It’s a book filled with excerpts from professional journals, as well as her daughter’s journal. It is packed full of facts and information and the major pot holes in the system and where improvement is desperately needed.

I highly recommend reading this book, regardless if you or someone you know has struggled with addiction. It is eye-opening!

Thank you Elise for sharing your story!

[Gabi Coatsworth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This heart-wrenching memoir strikes at the fear that every mother of a child with mental health and addiction issues must surely face. We know from the beginning of the book that the author’s daughter dies, yet I kept reading, hoping illogically that somehow the outcome might change.
It takes courage and a certain amount of time to come to terms with such a loss, and I could feel the author’s struggle as she tried to do so, which only made the book more poignant.

[Brandi | the_reading_bee · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is so eye-opening and for so many reasons.

I am not a health care professional, but I do work in the medical field and there are some vast problems with our health care system. With that being said, this book looks at many of those flaws and is one parent's account of how she feel's the health care system let down her daughter in her drug addiction rehabilitation.

This is not my normal type of read but I'm so glad I picked it up. I learned so much from this very heartfelt account of loss and grief, and I feel like my eyes were opened to problems I never knew existed. If you are looking for a nonfiction book to add to your TBR, then look no further and Even if Your Heart Would Listen.

Read this is your are fans of: nonfiction memoirs, My New Normal, reading for growth and understanding, heartfelt accounts, Beautiful Boy

Synopsis: In January 2014, Elise Schiller's youngest child, thirty-three-year-old Giana Natali, died of a heroin overdose while a resident in a treatment program in Boulder, Colorado. Even if Your Heart Would Listen is about Giana's life, which was full of accomplishments, and her mental illness, addiction, and death. Using excerpts from the journals, planners, and letters Giana left behind, as well as evidence from her medical records, Schiller dissects her daughter's treatment for opioid use disorder (OUD) at the five residential and several outpatient programs in eastern Pennsylvania where she tried to recover, taking a close look at the lack of continuity and solid medical foundations in the American substance-use treatment system even as she explores the deeply personal experience of her own loss. Poignant and timely, Even if Your Heart Would Listen is a meditation on a family's grief, an intimate portrayal of a mother-daughter bond that endures, and an examination of how our nation is failing in its struggle with the opioid epidemic.

[Elizabeth Wood · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought Even if Your Heart Would Listen months ago but put off reading it because I thought it would be too painful. A memoir written by a mother just a few years after losing her daughter to heroin - how could it be anything else? Instead, it turned out to be an engaging, heartfelt, thoughtful examination of a broken system for treating addiction embedded in a beautifully written family story.

Schiller's prose is crisp, her pacing is quick, and her descriptions are vivid. I could see the dogs, smell the beach and the snow, and picture the family gatherings. I started it in the late afternoon and couldn't put it down before finishing it.

This is a poignant and cogent critique of the way we treat addiction in the US, but it's also just a really engaging family story about love, loss, parent-child relationships. I highly recommend it.

[Virginia Gavin · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author writes about the struggles and ultimate loss of her daughter to opioid addiction/mental illness.This was a tragic story but also an enlightening one as she exposes the problems and faults of drug treatment and rehabilitation in our country.It absolutely needs to be regulated better.This book is a must read for anyone who has a friend/family member struggling with addiction.If anything,it will make you aware of some of the pitfalls and problems to be aware of so you can better advocate for your loved ones.

[Sylvia Dominick · Rating 5 out of 5]

It has taken me much longer to contemplate writing this review than it did to read the book! I am so sorry, Elise, that you list your beautiful daughter to this dreaded disease, and many would say that they have no idea to express their feelings about it, but I do, because we have been fighting with out son's addiction for almost 29 years now! This disease isn't fussy about who it chooses, and it's heartbreaking how it affects the entire family, as well as everyone who cares about all of us.
Our stories are very similar, if you change the drugs of choice, and many of the treatment centers. The first time my son was treated, he celebrated his 16th birthday at Unity Hospital in Rochester, NY. The remainder of the institutions has become a blur. We went through THE Caron Foundation that you mentioned at least 3 times, before they suggested that we send him to Renaissance in Florida. We trusted them, so that's where he turned 21, and learned a lot more about other drugs out there, rather than just put and alcohol. Only 4 days after his 23rd birthday, he was in a car accident which paralyzed him from the chest down, which nearly killed all of us. He later went on to have a son with the young lady who was driving the car. He shouldn't have survived going through the windshield at 85mph, down a 100 foot embankment, but he fought hard to live. He also had gone to St. Joseph's in the Adirondacks at least a couple of times. Down the same road a bit we sent him with a $36,000 check to a place in California, which was guaranteed, or they will take you back at no charge! Okay, then, we learned that it was Scientology, rather than Dual Diagnosis, the name at that time. We flew out for his graduation, which we missed due to a lousy connecting flight. As soon as he got back on the plane, he asked me for Clonipin, one of his newly acquired best friends. Another failure, but since then, he has repeatedly gone to Conifer Park in downstate New York. His girlfriend, at the time, would pick him up before he could fully get checked in. Yes, and they met in a jail transportation bus when she was 18 and he was 36. I have ommitted the number of times that he's been in and out of jail, because it's embarrassing! Anyway, I know how devastating this trip is, and he continues on, though he'll be 44 in June. He hasn't spoken to us for a few years, since this little girl came into out lives. She has more problems than he does, and the relationship is toxic, but out hands are now tied. Just waiting for that next 3am phone call, and wondering where we went wrong, even though I know better!
Elise Schiller, you did a fabulous job of writing Giana's life story, and I pray that some become wiser in their choices of treatment! I also pray that someday they will come up with something magical to help those addicted! We've list far too many young people this way. We did the Methadone route and a few others, plus a plethora of prescription drugs, so even though my son is still breathing, I fear that we have now list him forever.
Thanks from the bottom of my heart for writing a book to enlighten others, and reassure yourself that you did everything in your power to save her! God bless you all, and my prayers for some kind of peace are coming your way!

[BrittsBookClub · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even If Your Heart Would Listen: Losing My Daughter to Heroin, written by Elise Schiller, is the true story told by a mother who lost her daughter to heroin. Elise Schiller dives into the opioid epidemic that is plaguing our nation and the issues that she and her daughter experienced with various rehabilitation facilities. It’s such a personal and heartbreaking story that helps open our eyes to the many problems in the substance abuse treatment facilities and ways in which they can improve.

This was such a fast read for me and I found myself breaking over Giana’s struggle with her addiction. My family has a personal history with addiction and I couldn’t help but relate to some of the things that Giana, Elise, and their family went through and experienced. I thought this book was great and a very eye-opening read about the opioid crisis in America.

For me, this book deserves five out of five stars. Elise Schiller tells us her experiences and even though I might not agree one hundred percent with every idea or thought expressed in those pages, this is her story to tell and her opinions to share. Don’t get me wrong, I did agreed with most of what she was saying and thought she did a great job of describing addiction as a chronic illness that deserves to be treated as such. It is clear that she did her research before writing this story and I think her use of excerpts and medical documents from her daughter’s various treatment facilities brought more credibility to their story.

I would recommend this book to anyone who has dealt with addiction or knows someone who has dealt with addiction in any way, shape, or form. It will open your eyes to so many things about addiction and the recovery process. I am almost positive you will learn something new or change the way you view things after reading this book, I know I did.

Thank you Elise Schiller for giving us such a personal and captivating story.

Thank you to SparkPress, BookSparks, and Elise Schiller for a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Debra Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

A heartbreaking memoir that takes us through the unimaginable pain of losing a daughter to heroin and the never-ending grief that follows. The author conveys the struggle of opioid addiction and the pain experienced by family and friends who desperately try to help. Sadly, she details the failure of the system, of numerous rehab facilities, to support and, ultimately, save her daughter from an epidemic that is out of control throughout our country. But her Afterword provides what she sees as “the best ways to approach the opioid epidemic from a policy perspective” and ends with a personal message to those family members facing this issue today as to how they can best help their loved one. An important read.

[Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was incredible! So genuine and raw and heartrending all at the same time. The book details a mother’s perspective as her daughter, Giana, grows up— from being a champion swimmer to falling into addiction.

The are two parts of this book— recounting Giana’s life and the series of challenges she faces, and the problems of today’s substance abuse treatment programs. The book discusses how different Giana’s recovery may have been had the treatment programs been better run and managed than it was.

A powerful read, and an incredible memoir.

[Jessica (booksterjess) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you BookSparks who gifted me a copy of this to review. Even If Your Heart Would Listen is an intimate and vulnerable look at the effect opioid addiction can have on a person and their family. I would wholeheartedly recommend this memoir to anyone whose life has been impacted by addiction or mental illness. And if you're lucky enough to have not experienced it, this book provides great insight into what it's like.

Check out my full review at https://www.jessicahammons.com/blog/b...

[Dyana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have much admiration for Elise Schiller for sharing her heartfelt story of her daughter's death. I commend her for advocating evidence-based treatment and drug policies. I know it was a deeply difficult topic for her to write about. I feel that her story has helped heal her and all the people that have read it. I feel all people are different and treatments should be on individual needs and not based on overall needs. Thank you, Elise Schiller, for helping other families learn from your experiences.

[Genevieve · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is extremely informative and looks at some of the flaws within the medical community, particularly when it comes to addiction. At the same time, it is a touching memoir of a mother’s love for her daughter. Elise Schiller wrote a book that could be incredibly useful to families just beginning their own journeys of loving someone with addiction, as well as to families who have been down this road for a long time. I learned a lot reading it and am thankful for the opportunity to learn more.

[Anna Braley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book tells the story of her daughter's battle of substance use.Her story of love,loss and their relationship is overwhelming. Thank you for sharing your experience and I'm hoping it helps others

[brettlikesbooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

big thanks to @booksparks for sending me this copy of:
EVEN IF YOUR HEART WOULD LISTEN by elise schiller (memoir) a mother’s account of her daughter’s addiction, replete with ‘what ifs’ and aching loss + coupled with outrage at the nation’s opioid epidemic and its wholly inadequate approach to treatment + as a person who knows people whose lives have been ravaged by addiction (sadly, don’t we all?) and especially as a mother, this was enraging and devastating
•
“On her side was a new tattoo, one I hadn’t seen before...The lyric was: ‘Even if your heart would listen, I doubt I could explain.’ A part of me responded by thinking, what a self-indulgent, adolescent bunch of BS. But not all of me—the words were sad. Giana was sad, isolated. Even if your heart would listen—implying that no one would—I doubt I could explain—meaning that she herself did not understand what was happening to her.”
•
instagram book reviews @brettlikesbooks

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an advance copy to review for a pop-up tour courtesy of SparkPress.

I struggled reading this book. Not only is this a heartbreaking story, but I found myself relating to Giana in many ways and also Elise in others. This story is not to be taken lightly or brushed aside. This is a mother’s pain; a daughters struggle from a parents point of view. No parent should ever wake up to a phone call that their baby is gone. Let alone gone because of an addiction to drugs.

Elise Schiller not only gives us her and Giana’s story, she also brings awareness to how broken the road to recovery is. Addiction is a disease and shouldn’t be treated as a ‘one size does fits all’ solution.

Whether you know someone struggling from addiction, or you are yourself, I highly recommend everyone to read this book. It is very eye opening to the world of addiction.

[Rochelle Stern · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a heart-wrenching story. I was teary eyed at times. Substance abuse is a terrible disease, and we are losing our loved ones to this despite rehabilitation. Yes, I'm sure Rehab centers do work, but when they don't, shouldn't we look at what the counseling and programs entail? For instance, if appears that the 12-step recovery program is used widely. This program is centered around God. What if one does not have a large belief in God? Is there another way to hone this program to each person? Would that work better? In any case, I think the 12-step program needs to be looked at and studied closer. In addition, we need to study the success and failure rates, and what is affecting this.

As a librarian, I have invited Elise Schiller, the author to speak at Bordentown Library, New Jersey. She will be visiting on Monday, June 8th, 6:30 pm - 8:15 pm. I'm delighted she will be visiting!

[Pookie Sekmet · Rating 4 out of 5]

The best memoirs raise important questions for the reader. After finishing this excellent and well-written book, I had several questions. Is it possible that Giana’s excessive use of asthma medications from her earliest years damaged her neurology and thus made her less resilient to life? Did the habit of consuming medications in such quantities and with such frequency make her more accepting of illicit drug use later, meaning, were the cortisone ointments, asthma medications, anti-depressants, and others, in effect gateway drugs? Did the experience of only ever knowing debilitating and chronic illness undermine Giana’s sense of self and place in the world, such that she had less of a will to live? Surely the depression and anxiety that Giana suffered from, from her earliest years, are the natural effects of early and debilitating chronic illness. I came away from the book strongly suspicious that the answer to the mystery of Giana’s fate lay in the terrible toll that her initial illnesses took upon her mind and body rather than the frankly crap treatment programs that the author describes at such length and blames to a large extent. Elise Shiller argues that Giana’s heroin addiction was a chronic illness requiring lifelong care and mitigation. But I see running underneath this story a different one, namely that it was the early damage to Giana’s body and spirit, decades before her first residential treatments, that required early engagement and lifelong accommodation, whatever that accommodation and the resulting life would have looked like. It is a credit to Shiller’s story-telling skills that this hidden story is also full and rich and that readers trying to discern this hidden story will find plenty of support for it.
Giana’s family used the “attention seeking” label to, in effect, blame Giana for her own illnesses. Giana’s mother writes dismissively of important love relationships that Giana has and forces her to end them, causing Giana great sadness. Giana is pressured to define herself as enjoying unhappiness and pain in order to explain her destructive coping behaviors. I came away from the book suspecting that these were gaslighting actions that masked a failure to fully engage with this child’s very deep and very early health damage. I’m not blaming the author or the rest of Giana’s family, after all, these responses are common and were socially sanctioned (as were the crap treatment programs). But perhaps other readers will also wonder if the true answer to the question “How did this happen?” lies in a full acknowledgment of childhood impairment rather than a blow by blow analysis of the deficiencies of the treatment approaches that Giana received.

[Carole · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a heartbreaking memoir of a young woman I never met, written by her mother, who is a woman of my age. I am not sure if I can be unbiased as a reader, because I knew our author Elise more than 50 years ago (and have not been in contact for all of those years) -- but for me this book was an honest and compelling read. Elise is a wonderful writer, and I look forward to reading her new series. As for this book, I can relate to everything written by Elise and her struggle to help her beloved child, and also relate to the problems and unmanageability experienced by Gianna that ultimately led to her tragic loss. On a general topical note: The details in here about the lack of effective treatment or science behind treating mental illness, substance abuse, addiction, anorexia is always shocking and never seems to improve but only to get worse as most of these programs as they arise are driven by someone's greed. Our jails and prisons are full of addicts and the mentally ill -- those are for the people who don't know how to game the system or who can't afford to pay to get ripped off by these alleged 'treatment centers'.

[Linda Knight Crane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Elise’s daughter died in 2014 and my son in 2019. Both overdosed. Both went through treatment centers and never were healed. Unbelievable that in the 5 years between Giana’s and Macauly’s death there has been no or only negligible improvements to treatments. Recovery should be science based and not faith based. Substance Use Disorder is an illness not a moral issue. AA and NA philosophy are not for everyone. This book highlights the frustrations and despair of parents and families with a love one addicted to heroin and all the shortcomings of facilities you send them to. She gives good advice if you find yourself in a similar situation. I wish I had this book earlier. With stigma and shame, a parent doesn’t know what to do but to listen to the so-called professionals who only use a one size fits all care package.

[Lee Bukowski · Rating 4 out of 5]

Elise Schiller’s important memoir about losing her daughter Giana to heroin is heart wrenching and raw. At times she quotes from Giana’s own journals and notes, at times she speaks directly to Giana, and many times she pulls back the curtain on the woefully incompetent treatment centers for OUD sufferers. Schiller’s most powerful passages may be the questions and second-guessing that she and no doubt all parents who lose a child to drug dependency torture themselves with. Schiller, like so many parents, stood by her daughter and trusted the “experts” to treat her. She graciously offers hope and suggestions to families living this nightmare. Readers will be drawn to both Giana’s and Elise’s voices.

[Charlene · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some books I dread reading. I dread them even as I am compelled. This was one such book. Written in clear prose by Elise Schiller, the writing describes the disintegration of Schiller's youngest child, Giana Natali as the young woman succumbs to heroin addiction.
I dreaded beginning, but once in could not put the book down. Schiller writes of the continual failure of the social services network in such a way as to be a warning to all parents—if you suspect your child or anyone of using, do something.
This is a topic we must face and find better ways to help. Schiller's book is a good step in that direction.

[Ashley Griffin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Elise writes Giana's story so beautifully, thoughtfully and informative. I personally have family members struggling through similar issues with substance abuse and can see where they have fell through the cracks. One in particular has looked into treatment facilities and is having a difficult time finding somewhere to go that doesn't cost a fortunate that they do not have. I pray our society wises up and provides more help and funding in this particular area before more and more people fall victim.

[Marilea C. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Sad Story
Elise Schiller has written down her remembrance of losing her youngest child to heroin addiction. A heartbreakingly common saga in today’s culture. I was so moved by Elise’s determination to survive such a tragedy and to become a force in opiate use disorder (OUD) advocacy. Many families will benefit from her hard-won wisdom and lessons learned. At the end of the day, what elevates us all, as we struggle to survive such a nightmare, is the life-enhancing power of love.

[bjneary · Rating 5 out of 5]

My heart ached as I read Elise Schiller's account of her daughter, Giana's life with her illnesses of asthma, her drug addiction and her sudden death from a heroin overdose. With the world gripped by opioid addiction, Elise's heartfelt agonized story is needed. There is much agony and anger that goes along with addiction and this book tells the truth about what Elise feels, what she learns and how she is continuing to deal with the loss of her daughter.

[Marie Dimenna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot say enough good things about Even if Your Heart Would Listen by Elise Schiller. The book clearly illustrates all the ways we need to transform substance use treatment in the United States. The book also tells the personal narrative of what it is like to be a parent of an adult child struggling with drug use. Do yourself a favor and pick up a copy today.

[Alyse · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was very heart breaking but equally informative and inspiring. I think the complexities of loving and caring for anyone with addiction issues as well as mental health issues was documented well in this book. Do everything with love.

[Renee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting and touching book, it's hard to put down once you start. I highly recommend it.

[Jewels S · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. The writing itself felt disconnected at times but maybe that was intentional?

[Elizabeth Anderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author does a great job showing the ins and outs of what a family goes through when loving someone with an active addiction.

[_erin_who_ · Rating 4 out of 5]

This will absolutely break your heart but it is super well written.