Untangling Emotions: "God's Gift of Emotions"

by J. Alasdair Groves, Winston T. Smith

How do you feel about how you feel?

Our emotions are complex. Some of us seem able to ignore our feelings, while others feel controlled by them. But most of us would admit that we don’t always know what to do with how we feel.

The Bible teaches us that our emotions are an indispensable part of what makes us human—and play a crucial role in our relationships with God and others. Exploring how God designed emotions for our good, this book shows us how to properly engage with our emotions—even the more difficult ones like fear, anger, shame, guilt, and sorrow—so we can better understand what they reveal about our hearts and handle them wisely in everyday moments.

Genres: Christian, Counselling, Christian Living, Nonfiction, Theology, Psychology, Faith

241 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2019

About the author

J. Alasdair Groves (MDiv, Westminster Theological Seminary) serves as the executive director for the New England branch of the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation (CCEF). He is also the director of CCEF's School of Biblical Counseling.

Reviews

[Matthew A LaPine · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m hot and cold on this. There are some really helpful things; it is one of the best accessible evangelical books out there on emotion. It is also hindered by evangelical gnosticism and trivial examples.

[Aubrey Haines · Rating 5 out of 5]

I honestly anticipated this book to be a little self-helpy but it definitely wasn’t! This book gives super helpful vocabulary to our emotional responses and a framework to think through our emotions. Arguing that we are to engage our emotions in a way that acknowledges & honors the Lord. Their main argument is that our emotions are reflections of things we love— and as believers we should desire to love what God loves, and hate what He hates. Also a short but very helpful explanation on God’s impassability in the appendix!!! Would definitely recommend— especially to those who find their emotions a little difficult to understand at times:’)

[Karla Fernández · Rating 5 out of 5]

Este libro debería ser leído por todos aquellos que luchan con sus emociones, o bien, por aquellos que aún no saben cómo identificar y nombrar sus sentimientos.

Me ha encantado, pero más aún, me ha ayudado y bendecido. ¡Librazo!

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will be my go-to book to help myself and others untangle the web of our emotions. CCEF counselors Groves and Smith provide a helpful, practical and biblical approach/roadmap to help identify, name what we are feeling as best as we can, examine which emotions are good and which are bad and finally to engage the Lord with them. Ultimately, we need to uncover the root of our loves that produce the fruit of the emotion. I appreciated that they recognized the complexities of our emotions and the importance of empathy (in helping others sort out their own). The last sections dealing with engaging fear, grief, guilt and shame through that grid was also helpful as well.

[Daniel Bouchoc · Rating 3 out of 5]

Untangling Emotions gives you tools to examine your emotions and respond to them in positive ways. A really helpful book for emotion avoiders and those who hyper focus on emotions.

I think the book could say more about how healthy emotions are developed and cultivated. If emotions express what we value, significant time could be given to Christ's glory, thankfulness, and contentment. Rather than crisis control, this emphasis could be constructive.

[Amy Lam · Rating 5 out of 5]

An eye-opening read to help me view all emotions (“positive” and “negative”) as a gift from God that we can engage in a way that honors Him. There are good and practical questions at the end of every chapter that were helpful for both counseling my own soul as well as counseling others!

[Morgan Elliott · Rating 4 out of 5]

That last chapter was my favorite thing. It was a light ready and thick to read through if that makes sense?

[Joshua Schwisow · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book on how to engage emotions from a biblical perspective. Very nuanced, rooted in Scripture, and true to human experience.

[Kendra Kammer · Rating 5 out of 5]

“What is the one book you recommend to people who are hurting?” I asked my friend this when I was in the throes of grief over my Mom’s cancer, only weeks away from losing her.

She recommended this book. And I set that recommendation aside until yesterday.

I started this life-changing book yesterday and took it in big gulps. The wisdom in it overwhelmed me. I said “Wow!” out loud about 5 times. I cried 3 times.

Every time I thought, “They should talk about —-,” they did, and did so even better than I could have imagined.

I hope young adults will read it and learn the right place for our difficult emotions in a hard world.

I hope young couples will read it and learn how to connect more deeply through right handling of their emotions.

I hope Christian leaders will read it to learn how to minister holistically.

I honestly recommend it for everyone.

A couple unexpectedly awesome things about this book:
1. Every chapter ends with thought-provoking questions about what the words mean to you personally AND how they will affect your work with others.
2. I loved the collection of examples in the book. They were the perfect mix of lighthearted and intense, based on the reality that our emotions come at us from so many directions - things as dumb as the coffee lid screwing on the cup wrong and as deep as the loss of a loved one.
3. I love the spiritual depth in this book. It is not fluff. I’m so impressed with the author’s thorough and thoughtful study that pointed me continually back to God. In fact, most of my “wows” were more like, “Wow, God! You’re amazing!”

Thank you, Alisdair Groves and Winston Smith. You changed everything about how I will approach my ministry and my own grief process.

Now, please excuse me. I’m going to go read it again.

[Maggie - Busy Moms Read Too · Rating 5 out of 5]

All the stars! This is a fantastic resource on emotions from a biblical perspective. I found it very well balanced and easy to understand. Some of the poetic bits throughout were beautiful to read and meditate on.

[Zach Nakhla · Rating 4 out of 5]

The best book on emotions I’ve read since The Very Hungry Caterpillar

[Rohan · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first few chapters on why all emotions (including "negative ones") are useful was very helpful. I loved the metaphor of our emotions being like a paint shop that is mixing all these little colours to get a blend. We often have so many emotions at once, e.g. angry that we are hungry, but sad because it's our own fault, and happy that someone is listening to our rant.

Also want to remember his steps to engage with emotions.
1. Identify you ARE feeling something & pause to reflect
2. Identify what emotions you are feeling
3. Evaluate what your emotions are telling you about your heart's desires.
4. Grow your right heart desires, repent of your wrong ones.
And in everything, bring it to God in prayer.

The second half of specifically going through emotions wasn't that helpful, felt too light on, trying to tackle too much of a complex issue. It was also not written as engagingly, simply as the other sections.

But worth the read for the first half!

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pontos negativos: livro muito repetitivo, redundante e superficial, chega a ficar um pouco maçante.
Mas o maior ponto negativo são os erros: erros gramáticas terríveis e péssimas traduções e equivalências idiomáticas, achei isso tão ruim e me incomodou demais na leitura, principalmente por se tratar de uma editora grande como é a Fiel. Acho que cabe fazer uma segunda edição que corrija os erros e melhore as traduções. Sério.
Pontos positivos: apesar de básico/superficial, pra quem nunca teve contato com esse tipo de material, principalmente cristãos, é muito útil. Mesmo. Indicarei para muitas pessoas, com certeza. Conselheiros bíblicos com visões dicotômicas sobre as emoções e os sentimentos, especialmente as mais intensas, irão se aproveitar muito do livro, se se permitirem serem ensinados por ele.
Parte 1 e parte 3 são muito boas.

[Shermaine · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my best reads in 2021. This book does a brilliant job in helping its readers navigate feeling emotions, engaging (and not avoiding) them and ultimately bringing them to God. For someone who struggles with intense emotions, and confusion (sometimes guilt) about feeling them, this book really felt like an invitation from God to know Him, even in the experiences of life (feelings!) which sometimes cannot be immediately articulated, or explained logically. Highly recommended for anyone seeking to engage with God through all emotions, and for those seeking to understand (or help) someone else who may need to engage with God in their emotions.

[Deanna Fry · Rating 5 out of 5]

“We wait on a God who has chosen to have emotions toward us because that is an inescapable result of his choice to love us. And love us he has. A God who has first loved us is a God we can love. A God who has chosen to be moved is a God we can trust when we are moved. A God who has chosen to bear scars is a God we can trust with our wounds, knowing that all joys now are a mere foretaste, and all tears now are a precious prelude to complete comfort.” -212

[Carissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, this is a good book and a helpful resource for understanding emotions. There are some aspects I don't agree with, but that can be said for many books.

I appreciated the short chapters and thoughtful questions at the end of each chapter.

[C.J. Moore · Rating 3 out of 5]

I tried it; it wasn’t for me. I’m no expert on psychology or emotions. But to me, it felt like it lacked clear definitions up front. Emotions still felt pretty “tangled.” Relation of what we love and hate in regard to emotions and sin were off. When emotions become sinful wasn’t addressed at times that I think it should’ve been. Found myself confused by some of the questions at the end of each chapter and what they were trying to draw out from the reader. Couldn’t make out a central thesis. Theologically questionable at times (i.e. regarding clarity [or lack thereof] on the impassibility of God). However, it’s seems they were aware of that potential critique, which is why they added an appendix on impassibility (which is hard to treat in just several pages). Heavily illustrative and anecdotal in ways that I didn’t find real world relatable (“trivial” is a good way to describe them, as another reviewer did).

More practical chapters at the end are more useful.

Note that I both listened to and read a PDF version. The narrator may have been the cause for what felt like “cheesy” cliches at time. When reading the book version, skimming past those made it more readable. I think you can skim it for what you find most needed/useful.

[Natalie Herr · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve tried reading several books about emotions from a Christian point of view, and they’ve always fallen flat for me. This one ☝️ is the best I’ve ever read. It was biblically faithful and truly helpful, explaining how to engage with your emotions in a healthy way - not ignore them or be consumed by them. I would recommend especially to those who struggle with grief, fear or shame and 100% if you have people in your life who have challenges with emotions- there’s a helpful script for engaging emotionally with others.

[Shelby Hand · Rating 4 out of 5]

So once upon a time, my counselor told me to read this and it took me two solid years to get through it. Hear me! Totally my fault cause it was filled with such helpful information and I am just a girl who loves to hear about someone else's emotions, but not her own. Hence why it took that long...do with that what you will. But definitely take the time to read this cause it is generally super helpful.

[Hannah Stevens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Practical, insightful, and gospel-centered, this book truly does a great work of untangling the reality of our emotional experiences. The authors graciously speak to how we and those around us image God in our emotions, how emotions can show us what we value, and how to respond to our emotions and bring them to God/others (esp the “negative” emotions - chapters on fear/anger were v helpful to me!). Would definitely recommend this one!

[Kat Long · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this for a counseling class and can't believe I've never read it before! Incredible - I would recommend it to everyone!

[Kristen Helm · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was quite helpful. Emotions are not good or bad; they are sign posts pointing to what we love. If something we love is in jeopardy, we experience negative emotions- fear, anger, sorrow, etc. And that is a good response, just like it’s good to feel joy in response to blessings. The important thing to do is to remember that we are sinners and our emotions are not who we are, just things we experience. We can feel wrongly because of our own errors. In light of that, it’s helpful to stop and identify what we are feeling, examine why, evaluate whether that is good or bad, and then respond. That was a helpful model for me. This books also lends itself well to those who want to counsel others through a host of issues from grief to anxiety.

[sincerely · Rating 5 out of 5]

🙌 ALL. THE. STARS! 🙌

I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Untangling Emotions will be one of my favorite books of the year. This is an absolute must-read. Comprehensive, insightful, Biblical... wow, this was SO good. This is not some cutesy book that you won't glean much from. It has an incredible amount of substance and truly you can tell the authors wrote from a place of care. I LOVED IT. PLEASE READ IT! 📢 Swipe for my favorite quotes!

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️+❤️

[Julia N · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book for free and almost didn't read it because I didn't have emotions, so clearly it wasn't applicable to me.

By the end of the book, I realized that I do have emotions.

More importantly, I have an excellent framework for how to think about emotions through a Christian worldview. I'm equipped to deal with my own emotions and I can better understand others' emotions.

[Danny Daugherty · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very helpful, readable exploration of the relationship between faith and emotions. This would be one of my first recommendations for people trying to understand how their faith intersects with emotional struggle.

[Johanna · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have conflicted feelings towards this book. There honestly was a good deal of true and good content but it really felt like it was lacking substantive depth.

The authors are trained in the CCEF model of biblical counselling which integrates counselling from the Bible + social sciences/modern therapy.

What I liked:
The authors spend the whole first half of the book explaining that our emotions are part of the imprint of being made in God’s image. They are targeting people who genuinely don’t understand how their emotions relate to God and their relationship with him. While that’s not a struggle I have, I can see the value and benefit that would bring to someone.

They called out one particular motivation for our lack of prayer to be lack of trust in God. We go to trusted friends for our problems, but won’t take them to God. This can indicate that we don’t understand God’s character well, don’t really know him and so we don’t fully trust him. There were multiple other scenarios of why we don’t go to God in prayer, but I thought that point was especially good.

What I disliked:
Sin not consistently being called what it is: Sin. One author, Alasdair, tells a story about a fight he and his wife had where he described his frustration being rooted in his desire to be the one in power or control. He then goes on to say “but that’s not helpful or beneficial for anyone.” And then moves on to the next point. I was kind of shocked that he didn’t explore it one step further to identify that his desire for power and control was rooted in sinful pride, arrogance and even, in that moment, likely disdain for his wife?? A related scenario happened a couple chapters later where they called vindictiveness and pettiness merely “unhealthy emotions”.

On a related note, the authors seem to completely omit the truth that our emotions are very often motivated and polluted by sin. “This book sets forth a holistic view of emotions rooted in the Bible.” Isn’t sin a pretty significant component of viewing our emotions biblically? For me, that omission makes this book a nearly critical failure.

Summary:
Sin is not *not* talked about in this book. But for me, the downplaying of sin against a holy God as mere “unhealthy” or “unhelpful” behaviours is significant enough to warrant a low rating from me. This book feels like it’s exercising the discernment of knowing right vs almost right; almost right can do a lot of damage.

[Justin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quite good. Very helpful analysis of the beautiful and the challenging of our emotional lives. The author's primary focus is that our emotions reveal that which we most love. When that which we love is embraced and celebrated, there is joy. When that which we love is threatened, there is fear. When that which we love is treated unjustly, we get angry. When that which we love is lost, we face grief. When we love what we ought not to love, we face guilt and when it is exposed we face shame.

The ultimate challenge is to evaluate whether our loves align with God's. Do we love Him above all and that which He loves, or has that which we value turned into a poisonous idolatry? In many ways, your feelings can help you discern that.

This book will lead you to examine your own emotions and what they reveal about your deepest loves.

[Gabriel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will never perceive and understand the statement “(s)he is just sooo emotional” in the same way again. This is a solid and very helpful book on understanding emotions biblically, and helping myself not only to love and empathise with others, but to also deal with my emotions and underlying issues regarding sin as well as what I actually treasure and seek.

[Mark Donald · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been wanting to read something on how to process strong emotions from a biblical perspective for a while and this book didn’t disappoint. The authors help guide the reader from understanding their emotions to engaging their emotions in a way that allows them to be felt deeply but guided by and toward the Lord.

[Mia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally a Christian book that does not make me feel less Christian because I am super emotional. I listened to the audiobook version but there were so many great points made in this book that I plan to go back and read the physical book. I need to take my time and let these points marinate so that I can feel more equipped to engage my emotions and the emotions of those around me.