On Becoming Fearless

by Arianna Huffington

Observing that her own teenage daughters were beginning to experience some of the same fears that had once burdened her--how attractive am I? do people like me? do I dare speak up?--Arianna Huffington began to examine the ways in which fear affects all our lives. In stories drawn from her own experiences and from the lives of other women, she points toward the moments of extraordinary strength, courage, and resilience that result from confronting and overcoming fear. And she outlines the steps anyone can take to conquer fear. Her book shows us how to become bold from the inside out--from feeling comfortable in our own skin to getting what we want in love and at work to changing the world.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Personal Development, Psychology, Communication, Business, Personal Growth

241 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2006

About the author

Arianna Huffington is the chair, president, and editor-in-chief of the Huffington Post Media Group, a nationally syndicated columnist, and author of fourteen books.

In May 2005, she launched The Huffington Post, a news and blog site that quickly became one of the most widely-read, linked to, and frequently-cited media brands on the Internet. In 2012, the site won a Pulitzer Prize for national reporting.

She has been named to Time Magazine's list of the world’s 100 most influential people and the Forbes Most Powerful Women list. Originally from Greece, she moved to England when she was 16 and graduated from Cambridge University with an M.A. in economics. At 21, she became president of the famed debating society, the Cambridge Union.

She serves on several boards, including HuffPost’s partners in Spain, the newspaper EL PAÍS and its parent company PRISA; Onex; The Center for Public Integrity; and The Committee to Protect Journalists.

Her 14th book, Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder was published by Crown in March 2014 and debuted at #1 on the New York Times Bestseller list.

Reviews

[C · Rating 3 out of 5]

Huffington talks a lot about her book Picasso: Creator and Destroyer, and this was intriguing. I had no idea that Picasso was such a toxic lover. Wow.

[Paige · Rating 1 out of 5]

Only made it halfway through the audiobook version. The half I listened to seemed like a collection of thoughts and opinions that were neither original nor thought-provoking. Many references and anecdotes scattered throughout but the only thing that seemed to loosely glue it all together was the frequent repetition of the word "fearless".

[Cathy Allen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having recently waxed enthusiastic about Sheryl Sandberg's book, Lean In, it seems only right that I should give a bit of a shout out to Arianna Huffington, who struck a very similar cord with this one in 2006. While Sandberg's theme is a bit broader, speaking to a variety of internal and external factors that hold women back, On Becoming Fearless focuses on one of the biggest contributors: fear. We women don't put ourselves forward (don't "lean in") as often as we might because of our fears. Huffington, who demonstrates a remarkable degree of courage in her public life, provided us with advice on overcoming fear long before Sandberg put pen to paper. (Er, went to her keyboard.)

Huffington's contribution is solid. By sharing personal examples she reminds us that we are all created equal. While some people are more naturally fearless than others, Huffington herself has struggled with this enough to be a credible messenger on the value of putting in the effort to overcome. She breaks down the various ways fear is expressed at work, home, with money, with facing illness, etc. and provides tried and true methods for tackling each. I especially like it that she paints a picture of what a strong woman can accomplish when she lives fearlessly. Most of us will never find ourselves on the Sunday morning talk shows, but we can certainly increase our personal contribution in the world by choosing to move out of our self-imposed comfort zone.

So why do these two super-accomplished women care whether any of the rest of us lean in to our lives and accept the role of leadership? Because it is lonely at the top! Huffington is especially keen to see increasing numbers of women becoming outspoken: when we all get a little more used to hearing assertive women speaking their minds, those who are doing so will stand out less. And, she concludes, "The world needs the leadership of women now more than ever. We may lose friends in the process, but we can no longer afford to remain silent."

Amen, sister. Thanks for caring enough to speak up!

[Challis · Rating 1 out of 5]

So far, not too impressed. Seems like a self-justifying excuse to feel good about things you aren't proud of and maybe shouldn't be. I disagree with a lot of her principles and philosophies and so far haven't learned anything about becoming fearless, but rather why she has justified certain decisions in her life and called them good.
Focuses on the obvious, like get enough sleep, exercise,drink water. And also some confusing contradictions the feminists have created for us like be a good person (although not too nice, because then you'll be walked on and never be promoted in this man's world. )love your children, but don't put them first. She also tries to explain how women's nature yearns for love and romance, but then tells us we shouldn't rely on men and probably don't even need them.
When will these women learn that they will only be truly happy when they embrace their role as WOMEN and stop trying to be MEN. God made us differently and if we keep trying to be what we're not , we'll never find true peace and joy in our lives.

[Renee · Rating 2 out of 5]

Oh Arianna...a lot is said with this book that has been said before, and in my opinion, with more depth and less tendency to the cheesy group therapy feel. If I had read this without having previously waded through more than a few self-help books, articles on "living well" in feminist magazines, and a college course in Women's Studies, I might have a more favorable review. As it is...

Well, there is preaching to the choir, and then there is putting the choir to sleep.

However, if you (the plural "you" of anyone who reads this review) have not spent copious amounts of time reading about and/or discussing how women should "live well," there are a lot of valid points in this book. I was simply bored reading about them.

On the plus side, the book did teach me the phrase memento mori, for which I thank Huffington (because with the amount of Ancient History courses I took in college, you would think someone might have mentioned it before).

[Patricia · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had to work to get through this book. What I found was a collection of contradicting thoughts and vignettes from Huffington's life. She comes across being self-congratulatory and unapologetic for taking strong and vitriolic stands and seems almost proud of the relationships that she has lost as a result of her strident and public views. Yet, the final chapter, Fearless in Changing the World, has a message of using your inner power to overcome fear to change the world. It is all about being part of a community and working to include others and helping the disenfranchised. This seems to contradict the first half which seems to teach the lesson of "do what you have to do to be fearless, despite the cost." I'm glad this roller coaster of thoughts is over. Just read the final chapter and call it a success!

[Candy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amazing lady and message.

[Kari Yergin · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5*

Important information/ reminders for sure. Wouldn’t it be great if reading a book like this could actually help women BECOME fearless?!

Excerpts:

We have to weigh the psychic cost of not trying against the possibility of not succeeding and being embarrassed by our efforts. The farmer creates regret, And the latter a few hours or maybe a few days of licking our wounds. If you want to succeed, big, there is no substitute for simply sticking your neck out.

Another key to aging without fear is to spend more time looking ahead and less time looking back. And definitely less time looking in the mirror.

It is safe to say that everyone of them fell ill because he had lost what the living religions of every age had given to their followers. and none of them was really healed without regaining their religious outlook.

If women are going to tap into our natural reserves of leadership, and this means expressing ourselves without apology, we will need to move away from this fear driven stereotype.

All these fears manifest themselves in the fear of expressing ourselves. It’s an internalized censorship of ambition.

Saying that the moral sense exists is saying that humans by their nature are potentially good. We build up our moral muscle by exercising it.

The point of fearlessness is to follow the call of your soul wherever it may lead and ignite a spark that spurs others to do the same

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love the writing style and composition, full of helpful/ inspirational anecdotes and tidbits.

Books recommended in this book:
Little Women - Louisa May Alcott
The Female Brain - Louann Brizendine
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
The Second Stage - Betty Friedan
Mythology: Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes - Edith Hamilton
The Scarlet Letter - Nathaniel Hawthorne
A Doll's House - Henrik Ibsen
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls - Mary Pipher
The Tempest - Shakespeare
The Joy Luck Club - Amy Tan
The Beauty Myth - How Images of Beauty are used against Women - Naomi Wolf
A Room of One's Own - Virginia Woolf

People I know mentioned in this book:
Jean Rohe p.185

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Don't get me wrong, I think Huffington's writing is concise and emotional, but she tried to give too many "how-to's" that I found kind of useless. My personal preference would have been for her to have more stories about her mother, and more testimonies from all kinds of women, not just famous ones.
However, I'd recommend this book to women looking for some words of encouragement in following their life's dreams! It was really well written and put together, and actually, gave me what I was at first looking for...a "go girl" kind of attitude!

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

A well-principled book about women mastering their fears. Lots of references but the one I liked best was from Louann Brizendine's The Female brain -- in midlife due to changes in hormone levels and brain chemistry, women start to care less about others' opinions and more about what matters to them. During childbearing years, a woman's brain is programmed with a delicate interplay of hormones, physical touch, emotions and brain chemistry to care for, fix and otherwise help those around her ... Also a drop in testosterone contributes to a postmenopausal zest. Cool!

[Klaudia · Rating 1 out of 5]

Agreed on that she is very smart lady but her book wasn’t well structured nor was it original but maybe because I am reading it in 2018. Overall the book sounded too political for me which is something I do not enjoy but I appreciate her writing the book and I am sure it has helped many.

[Jennifer Pawling · Rating 1 out of 5]

Nothing new in this book. I thought it would be empowering, but it was more yada yada yada... don't waste your time.

[Jill Gerhardstein · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn't finish it. I've read cliches before.

[Bernadette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not a self help book - more of a collection of inspirational testimonials- my favorite is page 188

[Kerissa Sugiyama · Rating 1 out of 5]

To be fair I didn’t finish the book but I finally had to cut my losses. Some of the shared stories or excerpts from other people’s experiences were interesting but overall the author seems pigeonholed to their personal life experience in a way that felt a little more victim mentality than enlightening. Not what I thought the book would be.

[Dani · Rating 3 out of 5]

A confident woman is a sexy woman. Dont be a draconian parent. Desire of being liked stifles our creativity and ambition. Women refuse recognition because as women give their resources away. Workaholism - skews our priorities, health, depersonalizes self. We have lost our ability to relate to others- personally and professionally. But what can we do about it?

Remember death - memento morri- a mental tool to come to grips with life’s inevitable end. Appreciate life to fullest - there is more to the world than what we can see. Bring this fearlessness to everyday life.

Volunteer! It creates connections within communities, helps children learn important skills about giving and value of others, and provides opportunities for inter generational connection. Kids need to see parents volunteering. Expose children to others’ suffering - teach them to give back to the world, empathy, and be less self centered in a me focused world.

Listen to your inner voice.

[Annie Kostyk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fabulous book! I wish it would have been written when I was 18 and someone would have forced me to read it.

Huffington, a well-educated and articulate women writes about her fears and obstacles throughout her life thus far. Most importantly, she tells us why we showed push forward through these fears to become strong women who are the best they can be in love, work and our owns lives.

A book I will buy for my library. It will be read regularly.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to this book while commuting. I enjoyed parts of it and thought that she had some good point. However, a lot of it was "fluff" so it wasn't as instructive as I was hoping. But it was a quick read/listen. I admire the author and enjoyed her insights.

[K · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some good quotes in here on business. But, didn't agree with everything she wrote about personal relationships etc. Didn't finish it in the end.

[Deb Frost · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for every woman.

[Lara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this for a book club!
__

"What I learned ... is that we are not on this earth to accumulate victories, things, and experiences, but to be whittled and sandpapered until what's left is who we truly are."

"When there are dead ends there are also U-turns, and if we don't panic, bridges can appear - we just need to trust that there is a way. And there is always a way. That knowledge is a gift of fearlessness..."

"...If we think the relationship is worth it, we have to push through our fear and walk through the darkest parts of both ourselves and those we love."

"...Money symbolizes so much in our culture and our lives. We use it to measure our achievements; we use it as a barometer of our success. We may not like to think about class, but we still use money to determine all sorts of social hierarchies, whether in the boardroom or in the parking lot of our kids' school."

"...If we can't completely stop playing the comparison game, we can at least start changing whom we compare ourselves to. Instead of comparing ourselves to Angelina Jolie, how about comparing ourselves to a victim of Hurricane Katrina, a woman who lost her legs fighting in Iraq, or a woman diagnosed with breast cancer? They're out there, too. When we do this, we are sure to tap into our reserves of empathy and gratitude instead of our endless self-judgments, fears, and jealousies."

"Even with those we interact with only at work, it's important to remember that their lives - their joys and their troubles - consist of much more than work. And the more at ease we are with ourselves - with our own emotions - the more able we'll be to reach out to others in a personal way."

"It is said that the loss of a relationship is the dark night of the soul, but I don't believe it. The real dark night of the soul is not the incident that knocks us into our darkness or the pain that follows. It's in fact the months and years we spend trying to trust again and open our hearts to both life and another individual." - Heide Banks

"My advice on overcoming fears is to prepare for them. Talk about your fears - with your friends, your family, or in therapy, which I believe in. An then confront them. You don't have to do it fast, but once you've done it in your head, once you've visualized the worst-case scenario, it becomes easier to put one foot in the water and then the other." - Sherry Lansing

"I was in Paris recently and went for a walk in the Tuileries....It was a moment of pure joy. And I realized how lucky I was to have given it to myself." - Sherry Lansing

"Love cures people. Both the ones who give it, and the ones who receive it." - Karl Menninger

"And even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God." - Aeschylus

[Carla Parreira]

Nele diz que destemor não é ausência de medo, mas sim o seu domínio. Conforme o filósofo Sócrates, coragem é o conhecimento daquilo que não deve ser temido. Se pudéssemos gravar nossos pensamentos perceberíamos a quantidade de tolices que falamos para nós mesmos, a infinidade de pensamentos pessimistas, derrotistas e autodestruidores. Realmente somos nosso pior inimigo com a conversa interior negativa que criamos tão logo ao nosso despertar, ou até mesmo antes, em nossos sonhos. Preocupar com algo não impede que esse algo aconteça e, muitas de nossas preocupações nunca chegam a acontecer, ou seja, são apenas um tormento que decidimos, muitas vezes de modo inconsciente, a carregar conosco por pura mania pessimista.
O livro fala que precisamos deixar claro o que desejamos das amizades, dos relacionamentos, de nós mesmos e da vida. É preciso estar aberto para o lado negativo da intimidade, seja com os outros ou conosco mesmos. É preciso experimentar a própria vulnerabilidade e abaixar a guarda dos dispositivos de autoproteção atrás dos quais nos refugiamos, pois estes são autodestrutivos. Quer estejamos sós ou acompanhados, a coisa mais importante é conduzir nossas vidas não com carência e necessidade, mas com destemor e confiança. Todos temos uma opção quando enfrentamos decisões difíceis: podemos agir com fé ou com medo.
A única garantia é esta: se enfatizarmos nossos temores, perderemos para sempre as alegrias do inesperado e não conseguiremos agir com espontaneidade.
É agradável ser agradável, mas isso pode ser extremamente exaustivo quando cala nossa voz, nos detém e prejudica nossa autenticidade. Uma dica importante para superar o medo é focar-se na superação do mesmo, ou seja, na auto-segurança. Isso faz com que o medo não seja um vilão, mas uma energia estimulante e positiva.
O medo é algo natural e pode de fato intensificar a vida em vez de diminuí-la, desde que a pessoa possa reconhecê-lo, aceitá-lo e usá-lo como uma maneira de estimular desafios a si mesma. Isso faz a pessoa ter liderança interna, a qual independe de cargo, posição, hierarquia ou qualquer coisa imposta ou concedida. Esse tipo de liderança é gerado por uma força interior que nos compele a tentar e fazer do mundo um lugar melhor. Quando sabemos quem somos, podemos superar nossos temores e nossas inseguranças. Consequentemente, superamos nossos egos que sofrem ataques da nossa realidade condicionada e escutamos a voz do coração, a qual nos ajuda a alinhar-nos com nosso proposito e fazer-nos viver com destemor e segurança. Por fim gostei de uma parte que fala sobre a respiração.
Diz que devemos respirar não apenas para viver, mas também para nos sentirmos bem. A respiração consciente nos ajuda a achar força e energia para viver com destemor, pois a maneira pela qual respiramos envia mensagens para o nosso corpo.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Neither loved nor hated this. A favorite high school teacher gifted me this book when I visited her a couple years ago during a stressful time in my new job, but clearly I was too afraid (ha!) to read it until now. Started it on the plane home from my company team meeting, and read 50 pages in one sitting, a rarity these days!

My main issue with the premise of the book was serious flashbacks to the patronizing “fear vs. love” lifeline scene from Donnie Darko – “You can’t just lump things into two categories. Things aren’t that simple… Life isn’t that simple.” (https://youtu.be/vQXPiBUQaIk) It seems overly simplistic to propose that “fear” is what’s holding you back as a woman in all areas of your life, and if you just stop being afraid, everything will be so much better. Much like what I understand of Lean In (which I haven’t read), Huffington frequently glosses over real systemic issues like gender and race discrimination, addressing it like “well you can’t fix that, so just stop being afraid and that will help.” Oof. This is definitely a book aimed squarely at a middle- to upper-class (white?) female audience, where being a little bit braver at work and in life might actually help you, but has little to say to women who are truly struggling with forces beyond their control.

I haven’t read anything of Huffington’s before, and I don’t think I’ll seek out more. I didn’t know much about her beyond the Huffington Post. She seems like a woman of diverse interests who has worked hard to distinguish herself in many fields, which is awesome, but there were definitely whiffs of conservative politics I disagree with in parts of this book. It’s a deeply personal book, and many chapters devolve into strings of personal anecdotes about her fancy and famous friends. The long strings of examples didn’t do a lot for me, and I felt like often she laid out a concern, related a bunch of anecdotes, and then ended the chapter without offering any real advice other than “so stop being afraid like these ladies and it will be fine.”

A lot of the chapters didn’t apply to me personally, but were semi-interesting to read. From the very first chapter about hating your own body – I have long noted that I’m in a small minority of women who don’t critique their bodies daily. The “Love” chapter doesn’t super apply because I’m already married. “Parenting” was good to read as we move toward adoption, and really this thread woven throughout the book, about raising our daughters to be strong and self-confident, was probably my favorite theme. Definitely only skimmed the death/religion chapter after she introduced it as addressing “the uncertainty about what my next adventure will be,” blerg.

Overall, I don’t really recommend this book, but I’m not someone who sits around thinking that fear is the primary thing holding me back. Maybe if you do feel that way, all the various examples and anecdotes could be of interest. Or maybe different chapters at different times in your life. Overall it felt like *too much* advice to really absorb everything and pick good takeaways. I guess my favorite was where she ended in the last chapter, that remembering how much we (middle- to upper-class well-off American ladies) have in comparison to other people in the world, and using that to get motivated and remember that our problems are not insurmountable and could be a lot worse. It’s a quick read, and good for me to sneak in non-fiction every now and then.

[Toribetweenpages · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF at 50%
I liked some of her reflections on fears women are facing, however these ideas feel extremely outdated in some sections - the fears women have in the workplace in particular lost me. It’s 2022, I don’t feel that having ambition makes me less feminine and I’m not scared to advocate for myself and my needs in the workplace.

I also disagree that “it’s the man’s job to make and understand money”. She says women have a hard time being ambitious and speaking up in a professional setting and then also expect a man to manage the money? I’m having a hard time believing this was written in 2007… “ ‘we sort of let ourselves be told what we’re worth instead of stating very directly and confidently what we feel we deserve.’ Making demands is not considered ladylike.” Just ew.

[Rene · Rating 3 out of 5]

Arianna Huffington is a great example of how a woman neither beautiful, nor talented gets popular and powerful. And the secret is - when more talented and more beautiful women are tortured by their fears, she just moves forward.
She found her harmony in this perpetuum mobile: weak politician? bad writer? don't worry, just push forward and they will understand.
The book contains a mix of her reminiscences, education, experiences (sleep deprivation, please, not again 😳😬), rather weak voices of other women... It's not the book that you study with a pencil, making notes and learning passages by heart. It's kilobytes of flat, dull text which you probably forget the day after.

[Brian Taylor · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is definitely a book designed to encourage women to find their fearless self in love, work and life. Whether it delivers on this might take a woman to read it. My own perspective finds it lacking since it doesn't present a biblical perspective of fearless living. I desire more hope for my wife and daughters, and all women in general. The first section of this book does present some information that is intriguing, but after that it does not sustain a sense of hope! I would be interested to know what women come away with in thought and feelings.

[Alina · Rating 4 out of 5]

"When we know who we are, we can overcome our fears and insecurities. We surpass our smaller selves who suffer our condition of reality and we move to unconditional truth of our larger selves. The answers to the questions what to say, what to do, who to keep in, who to keep out becomes to a simple matter listening to our hearts. That inner voice help us to align with inner purpose, because each of us find has a purpose, even if we judge it to be insignificant. The voice is there, we just need to listen to it. When we do that we live in fearlessness"

[Amy Shaffer · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are some great pieces of information scattered throughout Ms. Huffington's book. At this point, 15ish years after publication, there are also points that feel dated. By times it felt as though she was "name-dropping" but I genuinely think that's the crowd she associates with. However, that's not the crowd she was born into and she has worked very hard to achieve the success she has. This book is definitely empowering for women and provides ideas on how to be influential (and what that really means may not have anything to do with Instagram) in the world around us.

[Jenn McEvoy · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had serious potential and although I did enjoy parts of it, it wasn’t my favorite personal development book. There was A LOT of politics and political examples in this book that could have been taken out. I hear enough about politics everywhere I don’t need it in books I read :) .

I think the reason I don’t read a lot of personal development books anymore is because they’re all repetitive and that’s how I felt with this one. It was very repetitive and using the same political and social change examples throughout the book.

This one didn’t do it for me.