Disposable: When Dating Is Not Loving Your Neighbor

by Daniel E. Johnson

When Dating is Not Loving Your Neighbor ...exposes the root of selfishness pervading the dominant dating culture of today and offers a better way to find love in the 21st century....Johnson's work is a must-read for anyone, Christian or otherwise, who is pursuing a romantic relationship.
- BlueInk Review (starred review)

Johnson's prose is polished, powerful, and to-the-point. His observations about the defects of the current dating scene are spot-on, and his faith-based ideas on how to mitigate them are clear and well defined....A dating guide that will enlighten, encourage, and instruct Christian readers.
- Kirkus Reviews

What if almost everything you’ve heard about dating and relationships is wrong?

What if it’s really not about techniques or methodologies that promise success in finding that special someone?

Are you tired of the dominant dating culture where people are considered disposable?

Disposable explains that culture, which is based on selfishness, and draws a stark contrast between the selfishness of dating and the love called for by the great commandments, in particular, the commandment to love our neighbor. Disposable shows that these commandments would have us make friendship the basis of our relationships, including romantic ones. A historical review of marriage-minded relationships includes a discussion of how dating arose, how it evolved, and how friendship got shortchanged in the process. Practical suggestions are made for singles, and everyone is encouraged to embrace friendship—rather than selfishness—as the better basis for relationships. Thought-provoking questions are presented at the end of each chapter, which can be used for individual reflection and/or group discussion.

Disposable will challenge your thinking about dating and give you a heart-check on what really counts in relationships.

Disposable is suitable for younger adults trying to understand the dominant dating culture as well as for older adults trying to make sense of their past.

approx. 38,000 words

Genres: Nonfiction

178 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 27, 2019

About the author

Daniel E. Johnson has devoted much of his adult life to thinking about—and researching—a topic at the intersection of faith, reason, and culture that has always fascinated him: how men and women relate to each other. The result is his book Disposable: When Dating Is Not Loving Your Neighbor, which explains the dominant dating culture and how it falls short of God's ideal. He found that culture to be based on selfishness, in contrast to God's call to love our neighbor, which should involve friendship.
Even as a young adult, he didn't like the way people treated each other when they dated—and so he was loath to participate, feeling like an outsider. After becoming a Christian in college, his concerns were only heightened as he contrasted certain norms in the dating world with the behavior that God expects from us. In college he got to know groups of Christians who recognized the importance of friendship to both same-gender and inter-gender relationships, which made a lasting impression on him. After college he continued to think about dating, read what others had to say, and engage in discussions with both men and women, in an effort to understand it from different perspectives—religious, cultural, historical, and psychological, all of which are reflected in his book Disposable.
He studied math and physics at the University of Virginia and earned a PhD in physics from the University of Illinois. After that he served as an officer in the US Air Force and worked as a post-doctoral researcher at the University of Würzburg in Germany before transitioning into the legal field. The rigorous analytical skills he acquired in the course of his academic studies and professional work were put to good use when analyzing the cultural scene and offering ways to respond to it.
He is a scientist by profession and a philosopher at heart. For him, faith and reason are complementary, not contradictory. He believes they allow us to think about things from different perspectives, to explore the world of ideas, and to arrive at deeper understanding, thereby impacting the culture. He currently works in Silicon Valley (California), where he is the happy husband of one wife and the proud father of their son.
Visit www.dangoodbooks.com to learn more.

Reviews

[Monica · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had some interesting information on the history of dating. I was unaware that "dating" was such a new concept and only started in the 1900s. While there is some practical advice, such as be honest and communicate your intentions, I didn't learn anything new. And I felt a lot was excluded, especially same sex relationships.

Overall this just was not a very engaging book for me.

Thanks to the publishers for the free copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.

[MICHAEL DOANE · Rating 5 out of 5]

A bold, heartfelt, and necessary reexamination of modern dating through the lens of love, faith, and human dignity.

Daniel E. Johnson’s Disposable is a powerful exploration of the selfishness embedded in contemporary dating culture and a compelling invitation to rediscover relationships grounded in friendship and genuine care. With polished prose and a confident, compassionate voice, Johnson challenges readers to confront the ways disposability has shaped modern romance and offers a radically different path inspired by the great commandments.

The historical perspective on the rise of dating, its evolution, and the gradual neglect of friendship adds depth and clarity, while the practical suggestions, reflective questions, and faith-centered guidance make the book both actionable and transformative. Johnson’s message is not only countercultural but profoundly needed: love is not consumption, and relationships are not transactions, they are opportunities to honor and uplift one another.

Insightful, convicting, and deeply encouraging, Disposable is a must-read for anyone seeking healthier, more meaningful relationships in a world that too often treats people as replaceable.