Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts May Be Best for Your Child

by Frank Furedi

Hardly a day goes by without parents being warned of a new threat to their children's well-being. Everything is the crib, the babysitter, the school, the supermarket, the park. High-profile campaigns convince parents that their children's health, safety, and development are constantly at risk. Parents are criticized by one child-care expert after another, but even the experts can't agree on matters as simple as whether or not it is wise to sleep next to a child. Parents don't know whom to trust; the only clear message is that they can't trust themselves. Fresh and accessible, Paranoid Parenting suggests that parental anxieties themselves are the worst influence on children. Based on new sociological research as well as dozens of interviews with parents and experts throughout the United States, Canada, and Great Britain, this groundbreaking book will bolster parents' confidence in their own judgments and enable them to bring up confident, imaginative, and capable children.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Education, Society

234 pages, Paperback

First published March 19, 2001

About the author

Frank Furedi is a professor of sociology at the University of Kent, UK.

Reviews

[Elke DP · Rating 2 out of 5]

Although I still support the basic premise of this book (all the fear and control around parenting is out of control), it was a disappointing read for me. The reasoning is sometimes vague, repeatedly contradicts itself, is full of repeating (I checked maybe ten times if I was reading a paragraph for the tenth time but it turns out to be mentioned for the tenth time in four pages) or leaves out any self criticism or logical reasoning. At one point Furedi mentions how sociologists cannot really objectively study society as they are a part of it, which is true, yet he does not apply this to himself. And that was only one example. As a sociologist myself I expect more, much more.

The most disturbing part was how Furedi says a lot of studies involving parenting are not really proven or too small to be taken seriously, which is true, yet he does not present a steady study of his own to prove they are all completely wrong. Somehow he is against these theories, but what he's saying is only a theory as well - and that is of course not a problem. As I said in the beginning, I still support the premise as I believe it to be largely true but this book doesn't really convince me of it.

And it's badly written: too much repeating, too vague, too formal. Books, names, studies are mentioned abundantly, but very little examples to make the theories or parenting reality come to life.

As I still believe in the premise, it pains me to say that I would not recommend to read this as it is not a fun or convincing read.

[Mehmet]

"Anne-babanın öncelikle kendilerini, sonra birbirlerini sevip saymaları gerektiğini bilmeleri gerekir. Böylece önce kendine ve birbirlerine ilgi gösterecek ,zaman ayıracak ki çocuğun gelişimine katkısı olabilsin." (s.11)

İsmi ile dikkatimi çektiği için okuduğum bir kitap oldu. Ancak o kadar çok not aldığım kısım oldu ki! Ebeveyn okumaları yapmak isteyenlerin muhakkak listesine alması gereken bir kitap olduğunu düşünüyorum.

Kitapta temel olarak uzman görüşlerinin ebeveynler üzerinde büyük bir baskı yarattığını, bu görüşlerin her birine yetişmeye çalışan ebeveynlerin sürekli stres altında, iyi anne baba olamama korkusuyla oradan oraya heder olduğunu ifade ediyor. Bu görüşlerin zamanla birbirine zıt hale gelen sayısız muadillerinin türemesi, zamanla değişmeleri hatta tersine dönmeleri nedeniyle şaşkına uğrayan ebeveynler, bir zamanların doğru kabul edilen ilkelerini uyguladıkları için bu defa da yanlış ebeveynler oluveriyorlar.

Bu önemli çelişki ve gerilimi yakalayan yazar, uzman görüşlerini dinlemenin bazen iyi olduğunu ama genelde olumsuz sonuçları olduğunu ifade ediyor.

Aşırı korumacılık ile çocukların yaşam alanlarının sınırlandırıldığı, çocukların nefes alamaz hale geldikleri ifade ediliyor.

"Çocukların güvenliği hakkındaki bu obsesif korku, anne babalığın temel bir yeniden tanımına neden olmuştur." (s.32)

Uzmanların ebeveynleri aptal, yetersiz ve cahil gören tepeden yaklaşımının arkasında bazı politik kaygıların, bazı ajandaların (anne babaları danışmanlara bağımlı yapmak gibi) yatabileceğine dair bulguları da kaygı verici.

Sonuç olarak tavsiyesi, kendilerine güvenen, çocukları için en iyisini kendilerinin bileceğine inanan uzmanların görüşlerini temkinli ve bilgi amaçlı okuyan ebeveynler.

M.B.
Ankara
12.08.2022

[MizzSandie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really agreed with some of the views in here, and I really disagreed with some. But the need for shining some light on our societies and societal practices and to question them, evaluate them, look at the bigger picture of our structures and not get caught up in simplistic causal links (when it comes to humans there are so many factors involved that much research and the conclusions based off of it is inherently biased but is upheld as being objective and conclusive and often ends up serving political and monetary purposes instead of humanitarian.)
So, as with anything, read with your own discernment, question and ponder things and make up your own mind; don’t just take anything at face value or because someone says so, whether that someone is an author or an expert or a research study.

There are many many points in this book to discuss and there are many many good quotes in here, and I think Furedi is at his best when he takes a sociological view and brings to light some of the dynamics going on here, as well as the collective psychological processes.
And instead of just blindly going along with whatever systems is at work, directing the collective, I do think it would serve us all to discuss and question and become much more aware of the bigger picture, to look at the collective forces at play and not only the individual ones. Individuals are not just influencing the collective but also very much influenced by it, and the dynamics at play are many and manifold.

[Kelly · Rating 1 out of 5]

So I got this book at the Dollar Tree, and now I know why it was there! It reminded me of when I was in college and needed to edit a peer's paper. Mind you, a peer who had no idea how to support a thesis statement. I had initially been very excited to start this book, as my husband and I always talk about what "they" say now that we have a new baby. We always question who this magical "they" are recommending this or that. Well, this book does nothing but contradict itself and spout out random studies in the UK that have no relevance. When I got to the "Parents as Teachers" chapter, I threw my hands up in disgust, and I'm throwing in the towel. As a parent, I do have better things to do than read this book.

[Caro]

Vliegt soms wat uit de bocht imo, maar geeft zeker te denken!

“Some parenting guides and magazines seem to assume that their readers are pathologically stupid. Scolding parents for their incompetence usually serves as a prelude to scaring them with the terrible consequences that their failure represents to their children's futures. Such advice undermines parental confidence while inflating the responsibility of mothers and fathers for every aspect of their children's lives. The paradox that drives parents paranoia is being told that although they are hopelessly incompetent, they also bear greater responsibility for the well-being of their children than did parents of previous generations. To parent acceptably, mothers and fathers should be permanent supervisors, be experts in literacy skills, and possess a university degree in counseling. (…) Every aspect of conceiving, bearing, and raising children is subject to professional advice, since, the experts agree, child rearing is too important a task to leave to parents.” P.18

[Jim · Rating 4 out of 5]

I ran across this book in a blog post and decided to give it a read. This refers to the American version.

Never in world history have children been so safe, so nurtured and guarded, and yet also surveilled, ensconced and fretted over. At every turn (perhaps, I have my doubts) experts warn us about doing x or y or risking our children's well being; parents helicopter their kids until the kids have no space of their own, no time to waste time. Free time, roaming the neighborhood are gone the way of the VCR or record player.

Furedi calls attention to studies that show how children spend MORE time with their parents then in previous generation, where kids do and have more done by their parents for them. Yet, to believe the popular literature, our children are starving for attention by parents who don't have the mental resources to take care of them. Risk taking, like from normal play or the child's own actions, are seen as irresponsible parenting or endangerment bordering on criminality. Furedi turns this on its head and argues that by insulating kids from risk, we retard their full development. hem. Why? Furedi goes into some depth about how recent trends have eroded parental confidence and empowered experts, especially governments, to teach parenting to parents.

If you are appalled about stories of parents being arrested for letting their kids walk to to the park, this book is for you. This is an academically informed work into modern day parenting and its historical and sociological context. It is not without its shortcomings but should be read, discussed and debated. It would be interesting to see how his sources hold up, and whether his examples are extreme ones. I give the author some leeway to engage in diatribe.

It would also have interesting to see him address parents who willingly adopt the paranoid style not out of a lack of confidence, but out of an abundance of it.

Furedi's work should be taken as a thought-piece on tho phenomenon of hyperparenting, paranoid parenting, etc.

[Brooke · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very interesting and worth reading... Taught me to be skeptical of articles that claim "research shows" parenting affects children in certain ways. Made me feel more confident about being a parent and trusting my own decisions.

[Mathew Walls · Rating 1 out of 5]

Absolute fucking garbage. Hypocritical, hyperbolic, bad-faith arguments. I only read the introduction and that was almost more than I could take. This must be cynical attempt to cash-in on an anti-intellectual audience, because there's no way the author could actually be this dumb.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not crazy. They ARE trying to scare us to death.

[Berker Koccaz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Uzmanları dikkate almamayı istiyordum ve bunu desteklemiş oldum; fakat kitap biraz eski kalmış, tarihsel ve araştırmasal olarak yenilenmesi lazım. Ve kitap biraz fazla uzun.