I am so used to a certain type of Tal book that this was a shock to my system. It seems Tal can write anything because I very much enjoyed this. At first I wasn't sure if this was a psychological thriller or a paranormal thriller. I wasn't sure which way it would go which kept my attention the entire time. My heart went out to both Ben and Evan. I was so afraid for them. I don't want to give too much away but there is one thing I will comment on. That dildo scene. Holy hell. And not a sexy holy hell, a disturbing holy hell. I also cried at this book which I was NOT expecting. Overall this was a great reading experience.
Fuck, he loved Evan, had fallen for him from that very first night and had held his breath through the first six months, hoping what they had would keep going, that it would deepen, mature from weeknight dinner dates and sex-filled sleepovers and weekend hikes and wine tasting to something richer, something long-lasting. He’d been bursting when Evan blurted out “I love you” first, kissing him under a streetlight after a show in the city, tugging him out of the way of the crowds on the sidewalk and kissing him like he couldn’t wait a moment longer. Like the words had to come out. Ben had embarrassed himself, telling Evan he loved him so much, had fallen in love with him too, thought about him every moment of every day, and just, God, loved him.
Evan had laughed and kissed him and then kissed him again.
He’d moved Evan in a month later. He wanted everything. He wanted Evan. He wanted to kiss him under streetlights and on the back porch and in the kitchen and in bed, cradling his face as they made love, cuddling on the couch as they ate pizza and binge-watched Netflix.
Ben turned away. The water in the sink continued to run.
This slow death was the worst, the atrophy of love, the wasting away of affection. The emptiness where there was once fullness, an ache like an amputated limb. The love of his life was in the next room, the man he dreamed of growing old with, and yet, he didn’t know him at all anymore. He hadn’t even known he’d come home or was sleeping alone on the couch.
Finally, he kissed Evan, letting their lips mingle and caress. Evan shivered against him, melted into his arms. He fell into Ben, kissing him like he needed Ben’s love to survive, like the secret to life was inside of his soul.
Kissing turned to necking, and then to Evan pulling Ben upstairs, carefully, slowly. Inside the bedroom, Ben had remade the bed, flipping the mattress to hide the bloodstain and buying new sheets, gray this time, and a new comforter. Evan smiled as he laid back on the bed and opened his arms. “Love me,” he whispered. “Please.”
“After this, after I’m out of here, and after I’m back to living my life with you… there’s only one thing that I want. But, I have nothing. I can’t offer you the life I once could. I can’t offer you anything except for my love. I swear to you, there will never be a man who loves you as much as I do. I can’t ever tell you how much, how deeply, I love you. There aren’t words invented yet for how I feel about you.” He held out the rings. “All I can give you is me. Myself, just me and my love.” He swallowed hard. “Ben, will you marry me?”
Ben dropped to his knees as well. He clasped his hand over Evan’s, covering the rings. “All I’ve ever wanted was your love. Just that, and just you. Of course I’ll marry you.”