Dealing with Difficult Metamours

by Page Turner

The first book devoted solely to metamour relationships, Dealing with Difficult Metamours is a troubleshooting guide for those who want to get along better with their partners' other partner(s).


You’ll find out about the different types of metamours and strategies you can use to manage those relationships as well as ways to boost your personal resilience no matter what stressful situation you might find yourself in.

Genres: Polyamory, Relationships, Nonfiction

200 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 2, 2019

About the author

Page Turner is the award-winning author of many books. With a professional background in psychological research and organizational behavioral consulting, Page is best described as a “total nerd.” She’s been cited as a relationship expert in a variety of media publications including The Huffington Post, Glamour, Self, and Bustle.

She clearly can’t see the future because she didn’t see any of that coming.

Due to her incurable wanderlust, she has lived many places, but these days she calls Dallas home.

Reviews

[Eliška · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a slightly fleshed-out compilation of a handful of Page's blog posts on poly.land, with sections that tie them together and give them a wider framework to work within.

I think for someone who is new to consensual non-monogamy, or who doesn't have a ton of experience with self-work, or who is struggling with metamour relationships for the first time, this will be a great resource. If you're comfortable introspecting and having compassion for self and others, and already have a toolbox of communication skills, this will be less useful.

I think this could have used another editing pass, for a couple of things. Some of the blog posts were clearly plopped down wholesale, with an introductory section that repeats some of the text from the original post, which makes for a slightly repetitive read in places. Some of the sections on light/dark metamour types have really excellent reference exercises in them, that could have been pulled out to their own section, instead of buried and not mentioned in the table of contents. Some of Page's personal jargon (that would be familiar to anyone who has already read a handful of the blog posts that went into this book - such as "Buttinski") isn't explained the first time she uses it, which could leave newer readers confused and struggling to make sense of her point. There are also a handful of typos and page spacing issues of the sort common to self-published works, that don't really detract from the usefulness of this book, but make it feel less professional.

I wish she'd addressed more of how to handle when your metamour genuinely is treating someone badly - she references that as a potential situation a few times, but while she discusses nearly all of the other potential scenarios and strategies for dealing with them, there isn't a whole lot of page space devoted to things that are Actual Problems that can't be reframed or handled gently (or with the Accountability Talk she references frequently!). She also mentions, in the "control freak" section, certain behaviors that become abusive if done as a pattern, but neglects to give suggestions for how to deal with that. I suppose that's out of the scope of this book, but it still felt like an irresponsible oversight.

I also wish she'd addressed how to handle the situation of not meeting your metamours - she addresses why it's good to meet your metamours, even in a parallel poly situation, and gives suggestions for how to facilitate that, but seems to take it for granted that everyone will be on the same page and go along with that, and gives no suggestions for moving forward in a situation where either your partner or your metamour aren't interested in creating a connection between you, however brief.

All that said, I still think this is a useful resource that fills a niche within the existing poly literature, and I kinda want to give a copy to each of my partners; I just wish it were a little bit more in-depth.

[Carolyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked it and think there are many useful parts, however, there were a number of sections that needed to be more fully fleshed-out with further details and examples. Also, I found the numerous typos and omitted words to be distracting. Perhaps the most humorous example was a sentence that began, "If I lose my eyes..." and I'm pretty sure (from context) that it should have been, "If I CLOSE my eyes..." 😝

[Sean · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short and sweet perspective shifting and mindfulness exercises for improving relationships with a person who you share a partner with. Some exercise explanations felt a little clunky, but overall a beneficial short read for people struggling with metamour conflict.

[Shannon Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you

..... I've read all your books! I'm new to poly and refer to your materials daily! Insightful, compassionate, well researched!

[Oliver Pollard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good advice

It had good advice for dealing with certain types of metamours. I bought this book after dealing with a bad metamour situation to try to fix things.

[Allie Jessing · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly helpful

There was so much great information here regarding conflict resolution that's helpful in all relationships, not just with difficult metamours.

[Julie-Anne Borgias · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very simple and easy to read while being useful and thought provoking.