"No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal."
No indeed. Not even Casanova, the Maquis de Sade or Jane Fonda. But I feel sorry for anyone who has ever had the same fantasy about a neo-conservative. Does P.J. O'Rourke dream of being tightly restrained and horse-whipped by Paul Wolfowitz?
Like any decent thinking person, I don't agree with much of what P.J. O'Rourke writes. But like any person who likes a decent laugh, I love reading him. The above quotation ends a typically hilarious introduction in which he sticks it to his favorite fall-guys.
Sure, liberals can be boring and you wouldn't want to be ravished by one. Certainly, as O'Rourke claims, liberals can be sanctimonious and like to lecture you. I'd still rather be horsewhipped naked through Arlington Road by the sanctimonious Clintons than the corrupt likes of Oliver North, Dick Cheney or any of the boys at Lehman Brothers, heroes one and all in Republican circles.
As any right thinking person also knows, humor is so much more important than politics. As such I forgive P. J. for his deficiencies in that area. Jimmy Carter never made me laugh, but neither did George Bush Snr. At least not intentionally.
P.J. O'Rourke, however, could make Meher Baba laugh. Foe example, here is his twin description of the East and West Berliners after a visit there immediately after the wall came down:
'The Easterners looked like Pleistocene proto-Germans, as yet untouched by the edifying effects of Darwinian selection. West Germans are tall, pink, pert, and orthodontically correct ... Except for the fact that they all speak English pretty well, they're indistinguishable from Americans.'
In Nicaragua he gloats at the sight of a disappointed Bianca Jagger after the US-backed Violetta Chammoro defeated Daniel Ortega in their first democratic election. Ortega was a communist and therefore no good for the country.
For the record, Chammoro's campaign funds were illegally obtained and her economic policies were a disaster for the country. Or should I say for the poor of the country. But who gives a damn about them, right P.J.?
Of course he was in seventh heaven when Communism copped it, and around this time he got to see a lot of that. 'It's impossible to get decent Chinese takeout in China, Cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba, and that's all you need to know about Communism.' Quite.
The only thing he seems to detest more than Communism is Charity. His lambasting of the Live Aid musicians is admittedly extremely funny, a deconstruction of the chorus from the execrable 'We Are the World' single being particularly rib-tickling.
The book ends with a series of dispatches from the Gulf states during the first war with Iraq (you know, the one that made sense), 'the first war ever covered by sober journalists'. It was also the first war where the American citizens at home watching CNN knew more about what was going on than the reporters at the front.
Incredulously, by way of praise for the American soldiers he quotes an experienced medical officer who notes how better they are than those in Vietnam. Really? Could that be because all the American soldiers in Kuwait were, like, er, soldiers, whereas those in Vietnam were - like P.J. - merely civilians, who - unlike P.J. - didn't turn chickenshit when they were drafted?
Yet at his best (worst?) I can't think of another journalist as chauvinistic, patronizing, wrong-headed and thoroughly entertaining as P.J. O'Rourke.
I like to convince myself that because he is always cracking jokes, he must be joking.