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You Throw Like a Girl: The Blind Spot of Masculinity
Former NFL quarterback McPherson examines the roots of masculinity gone awry and how it promotes violence against women.
The latest from Akashic’s Edge of Sports imprint, curated by Dave Zirin.
In You Throw Like a Girl, former Syracuse University quarterback and NFL veteran Don McPherson examines how the narrow definition of masculinity adversely impacts women and creates many “blind spots” that hinder the healthy development of men. Dissecting the strict set of beliefs and behaviors that underpin our understanding of masculinity, he contends that we don’t raise boys to be men, we raise them not to be women.
Using examples from his own life, including his storied football career, McPherson passionately argues that viewing violence against women as a “women’s issue” not just ignores men’s culpability but conflates the toxicity of men’s violence with being male. In You Throw Like a Girl, McPherson leads us beyond the blind spots and toward solutions, analyzing how we can engage men in a sustained dialogue, with a new set of terms that are aspirational and more accurately representative of the emotional wholeness of men.
The latest from Akashic’s Edge of Sports imprint, curated by Dave Zirin.
In You Throw Like a Girl, former Syracuse University quarterback and NFL veteran Don McPherson examines how the narrow definition of masculinity adversely impacts women and creates many “blind spots” that hinder the healthy development of men. Dissecting the strict set of beliefs and behaviors that underpin our understanding of masculinity, he contends that we don’t raise boys to be men, we raise them not to be women.
Using examples from his own life, including his storied football career, McPherson passionately argues that viewing violence against women as a “women’s issue” not just ignores men’s culpability but conflates the toxicity of men’s violence with being male. In You Throw Like a Girl, McPherson leads us beyond the blind spots and toward solutions, analyzing how we can engage men in a sustained dialogue, with a new set of terms that are aspirational and more accurately representative of the emotional wholeness of men.
- GenresFeminismSportsNonfiction
232 pages, Paperback
Published September 3, 2019
13 people are currently reading
146 people want to read
About the author
Don McPherson
1 book2 followersDON MCPHERSON—an All-America quarterback at Syracuse University who went on to play professionally in the NFL and Canada—began his work on gender-based violence prevention at Northeastern University’s Center for the Study of Sport in Society. He has served on the boards of the Ms. Foundation for Women, the NCAA Sexual Assault Task Force, and the NCAA Board of Governors Commission to Combat Campus Sexual Violence. His educational programs and lectures have reached over one million people in more than three hundred colleges and communities throughout North America. You Throw Like a Girl: The Blind Spot of Masculinity is his latest work.
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October 13, 2019
Summary: Proposes that unhealthy masculinity arises from raising boys not to be women or gay rather than a positive model of what it means to be a man.
Don McPherson is a former NFL and CFL quarterback who works in the area of gender-based violence prevention. In this book, he observes what he believes to be the blind spot of "masculinity," which is that we don't train boys to be men but rather not to be girls -- or gay. It is captured in the title putdown--you throw like a girl. It makes being a girl or woman inferior to being a man and results in a male culture of violence against women as inferior beings, with violence an assertion of dominance, of superiority. It also means closing oneself with emotional expressions that might be associated with being a woman--crying for example.
His book particularly explores the masculine culture surrounding sports and the incidence of violence against women by athletes, often in which the victim is blamed, and fans come to the defense of the beloved. He traces his own increasing awakening to this burden of toxic masculinity at age 29, when his salary was reduced as team owners devalued his playing utility. He reflected on his own sense of how he defined what it meant to be a man, and while not having engaged in sexual violence, recognized the ways he had objectified women and devalued them in conversations with other men, the privilege he had enjoyed, and how sport had defined his identity, and that this did not answer well to his own deep sense of what it meant to be a man, particularly one who valued close friendships with women.
He is forthright in his discussions that violence against women is a men's issue, that men nearly always are the perpetrators of violence, and men have an important role in working with peers, sons, other youth, in developing a sense of being a men defined in character separate from deeming women inferior. He also exposes the silence and institutional support men often receive that enable them to escape the consequences of violence against women. Finally, he dares to name the pervasive presence of pornography, "the 'streets' in the pocket' as reinforcing negative masculinity, rather than healthy, mutually caring relationships with women.
The thing that makes this book particularly compelling is McPherson's personal journey, his honesty about how this culture of masculinity shaped his life, and the burden of this. His examples both from his playing days and in his violence prevention work call to mind in the male reader similar experiences, and the tough exterior one learns to put on to not be thought a sissy, a girl.
McPherson mentions in the book a publisher he pitched a version of this book to who wrote back:
Our concern about the book, however, is that those who agree with your message won't feel the need to read a book in order to be convinced, while those who really need it would not buy one.
As I reflected, I still think this is a problem for this book, and part of my question was, "who was he writing for." By his liberal use of gender theory language like patriarchy, privilege, and normalization in his book, it struck me as one written for the "woke" fellow-travelers in his work, those who didn't need to be convinced. My challenge to the author would be to write a version of this book without the jargon as he would talk to a group of young men in a workshop, perhaps young athletes. I'd write it "I" to "you" rather than in academic third person.
I say this because the message of this book is important, but I do not think the men who McPherson would like to win as allies will read it. They might find his personal stories intriguing but when they hit the jargon, I suspect the defenses will go up, the book will get laid down, not to be picked up again. This is sad, because as men, we are doing a terrible job in our culture of helping boys make the transition to becoming men who are responsible, in touch with their emotional lives, and able to cultivate deep relationships with people of both genders, whatever their sexual or gender orientation, without abusiveness or violence. I hope McPherson will write a book for the men he actually needs to reach.
____________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary advanced review copy of this book from the publisher via LibraryThing's Early Reviewers program in exchange for an honest review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
Don McPherson is a former NFL and CFL quarterback who works in the area of gender-based violence prevention. In this book, he observes what he believes to be the blind spot of "masculinity," which is that we don't train boys to be men but rather not to be girls -- or gay. It is captured in the title putdown--you throw like a girl. It makes being a girl or woman inferior to being a man and results in a male culture of violence against women as inferior beings, with violence an assertion of dominance, of superiority. It also means closing oneself with emotional expressions that might be associated with being a woman--crying for example.
His book particularly explores the masculine culture surrounding sports and the incidence of violence against women by athletes, often in which the victim is blamed, and fans come to the defense of the beloved. He traces his own increasing awakening to this burden of toxic masculinity at age 29, when his salary was reduced as team owners devalued his playing utility. He reflected on his own sense of how he defined what it meant to be a man, and while not having engaged in sexual violence, recognized the ways he had objectified women and devalued them in conversations with other men, the privilege he had enjoyed, and how sport had defined his identity, and that this did not answer well to his own deep sense of what it meant to be a man, particularly one who valued close friendships with women.
He is forthright in his discussions that violence against women is a men's issue, that men nearly always are the perpetrators of violence, and men have an important role in working with peers, sons, other youth, in developing a sense of being a men defined in character separate from deeming women inferior. He also exposes the silence and institutional support men often receive that enable them to escape the consequences of violence against women. Finally, he dares to name the pervasive presence of pornography, "the 'streets' in the pocket' as reinforcing negative masculinity, rather than healthy, mutually caring relationships with women.
The thing that makes this book particularly compelling is McPherson's personal journey, his honesty about how this culture of masculinity shaped his life, and the burden of this. His examples both from his playing days and in his violence prevention work call to mind in the male reader similar experiences, and the tough exterior one learns to put on to not be thought a sissy, a girl.
McPherson mentions in the book a publisher he pitched a version of this book to who wrote back:
Our concern about the book, however, is that those who agree with your message won't feel the need to read a book in order to be convinced, while those who really need it would not buy one.
As I reflected, I still think this is a problem for this book, and part of my question was, "who was he writing for." By his liberal use of gender theory language like patriarchy, privilege, and normalization in his book, it struck me as one written for the "woke" fellow-travelers in his work, those who didn't need to be convinced. My challenge to the author would be to write a version of this book without the jargon as he would talk to a group of young men in a workshop, perhaps young athletes. I'd write it "I" to "you" rather than in academic third person.
I say this because the message of this book is important, but I do not think the men who McPherson would like to win as allies will read it. They might find his personal stories intriguing but when they hit the jargon, I suspect the defenses will go up, the book will get laid down, not to be picked up again. This is sad, because as men, we are doing a terrible job in our culture of helping boys make the transition to becoming men who are responsible, in touch with their emotional lives, and able to cultivate deep relationships with people of both genders, whatever their sexual or gender orientation, without abusiveness or violence. I hope McPherson will write a book for the men he actually needs to reach.
____________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary advanced review copy of this book from the publisher via LibraryThing's Early Reviewers program in exchange for an honest review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
September 9, 2019
You Throw Like a Girl is a book about masculinity and its blind spots. The central argument is that we don’t raise boys to be men, we raise them not to be women (or gay) and in so doing we devalue women and rob men of their full humanity. After his career as a professional quarterback in the NFL and CFL, Don McPherson began working in the nonprofit sector to leverage is role model status to do outreach and education, particularly on domestic violence. His work in that field led to his own interrogation of his upbringing and cultural values he had internalized. He traces his developing awareness of how we limit men’s emotional expression and guide them into destructive patterns of behavior.
You Throw Like a Girl is very much a feminist book, but it is also intended to liberate men from the limitations placed on them by rigid gender roles. McPherson is certain in a more egalitarian, less patriarchal society, men, as well as women, would be happier people. He is dismayed by the many bad sources of conditioning from the ubiquity of porn online to the standard media tropes that elevate the strong, silent type of man as a model of masculinity and mock more emotionally available men as effeminate. However, he is not advocating for censorship, making the case that less censorship is needed, that parents should talk about sex and intimacy, that sex education should be about more than preventing STDs, but also about what healthy sex is and the value of intimacy. We need to stop associating sex with shame so children learn healthy attitudes that include the idea that sex is mutual, not something boys take from girls or men from women.
You Throw Like a Girl is a valuable book on men, women, violence, and liberation. It seeks to liberate men as much, or more, than women. McPherson’s target audience is men. Many of his ideas tread familiar ground, but from a new perspective. There is also fresh insight into how misogyny is created afresh, from the ground up from one child to the next, one generation to the next.
I have to say the first few chapters are a bit of a slog. There is so much of the jargon of anti-oppression work that I have a hard time picturing someone persevering to where the book gets really good. McPherson uses that exercise that asks students what they do on a regular basis to avoid being sexually assaulted, an eye-opener for men. Perhaps that might have been a good introduction to draw people into the book.
From the beginning, he talks a lot about privilege, his privilege as a man and as a professional athlete and celebrity. The thing is, it might be better to hit people with their privileges after you have paved the way, not right from the onset. People who are not into social justice are so reactive to the idea they might have privilege, that I fear he will lose his readers before he gets to the good stuff. McPherson himself writes about his frustration on being told the people who need his book won’t read it and the people who read his book won’t need it, but that is true of most anything about social justice. Particularly if you start by discussing privilege.
I liked this book a lot, once I got past the first couple of chapters. I thought McPherson adds value and depth to our understanding of misogyny and its construction. I may just read it again.
You Throw Like a Girl will be released on September 17th. I received an ARC from LibraryThing.
You Throw Like a Girl from Edge of Sports | Akashic Books
Don McPherson author site
https://tonstantweaderreviews.wordpre...
You Throw Like a Girl is very much a feminist book, but it is also intended to liberate men from the limitations placed on them by rigid gender roles. McPherson is certain in a more egalitarian, less patriarchal society, men, as well as women, would be happier people. He is dismayed by the many bad sources of conditioning from the ubiquity of porn online to the standard media tropes that elevate the strong, silent type of man as a model of masculinity and mock more emotionally available men as effeminate. However, he is not advocating for censorship, making the case that less censorship is needed, that parents should talk about sex and intimacy, that sex education should be about more than preventing STDs, but also about what healthy sex is and the value of intimacy. We need to stop associating sex with shame so children learn healthy attitudes that include the idea that sex is mutual, not something boys take from girls or men from women.
You Throw Like a Girl is a valuable book on men, women, violence, and liberation. It seeks to liberate men as much, or more, than women. McPherson’s target audience is men. Many of his ideas tread familiar ground, but from a new perspective. There is also fresh insight into how misogyny is created afresh, from the ground up from one child to the next, one generation to the next.
I have to say the first few chapters are a bit of a slog. There is so much of the jargon of anti-oppression work that I have a hard time picturing someone persevering to where the book gets really good. McPherson uses that exercise that asks students what they do on a regular basis to avoid being sexually assaulted, an eye-opener for men. Perhaps that might have been a good introduction to draw people into the book.
From the beginning, he talks a lot about privilege, his privilege as a man and as a professional athlete and celebrity. The thing is, it might be better to hit people with their privileges after you have paved the way, not right from the onset. People who are not into social justice are so reactive to the idea they might have privilege, that I fear he will lose his readers before he gets to the good stuff. McPherson himself writes about his frustration on being told the people who need his book won’t read it and the people who read his book won’t need it, but that is true of most anything about social justice. Particularly if you start by discussing privilege.
I liked this book a lot, once I got past the first couple of chapters. I thought McPherson adds value and depth to our understanding of misogyny and its construction. I may just read it again.
You Throw Like a Girl will be released on September 17th. I received an ARC from LibraryThing.
You Throw Like a Girl from Edge of Sports | Akashic Books
Don McPherson author site
https://tonstantweaderreviews.wordpre...
August 15, 2019
YOU THROW LIKE A GIRL: THE BLIND SPOT OF MASCULINITY is written by Don McPherson.
This book is an ARC (Advance Reading Copy) sent to me by Akashic Books.
YOU THROW LIKE A GIRL is one of Akashic Books Edge of Sports imprint. This series “addresses issues across many different sports at both the professional and nonprofessional/collegiate level”. I have read several of these titles and they are - each one - excellent, informative, interesting, and sometimes life-changing reading.
YOU THROW LIKE A GIRL was accompanied by a lengthy press kit which always proves interesting and informative. I was impressed by the bio information on Don McPherson. As “a national speaker and advocate for the prevention of sexual and domestic violence, he uses the appeal of sports to focus on a positive understanding of the masculine identity.” An editor’s statement and several news articles about Mr. McPherson’s work are very complimentary.
YOU THROW LIKE A GIRL is scheduled to be published on September 3, 2019.
YOU THROW LIKE A GIRL contains:
An Introduction; 8 Chapters; and a Conclusion. The Conclusion has a very important, personal, thoughtful message - “Be your son’s father; not your father’s son.”
I quite liked the following passages:
p. 19 of the Introduction. “Most men will quickly and readily agree that violence against women is wrong and that something should be done to stop it.”….. “However, what men do not always want to deal with, is a solution that demands scrutiny of their own behavior and privilege, even in the context of doing what they know is right.”
pp. 46-47 of Chapter 1. I really identified with the classroom incident involving the inappropriate behavior of the 5th grade boys. I encountered this same behavior (and reaction by my peers and administrators) many, many times as an educator.
Chapter 1 was the most relevant to me while reading this book. Mr. McPherson writes “The expression ‘Boys will be boys’ is typically used when boys’ behavior ranges from less desirable to outright deplorable. It’s most often invoked as an excuse for grossly inappropriate or dangerous behavior and sometimes delivered with nostalgia for a simplistic form of masculinity devoid of the maturity and personal responsibility of ‘manhood.’ This is the most dangerous blind spot of masculinity because it neglects the roots of violence and violent behavior.”
Chapter 6 is a very important chapter with ‘Men’s Privilege = Women’s Problem a focal talking point.
p.160 of Chapter 6 contains a World-Shattering/Myth Shattering sentence. “To explain why college men engage in sexually predatory behavior, we often blame the copious amounts of alcohol that flood the campus environment. In actuality, alcohol only serves the purpose of lowering men’s inhibitions: it reveals their attitudes and expectations more than it causes them.”
This is a very thoughtful, very informative, very intelligent, extremely powerful book. Every man and woman should read it.
This book is an ARC (Advance Reading Copy) sent to me by Akashic Books.
YOU THROW LIKE A GIRL is one of Akashic Books Edge of Sports imprint. This series “addresses issues across many different sports at both the professional and nonprofessional/collegiate level”. I have read several of these titles and they are - each one - excellent, informative, interesting, and sometimes life-changing reading.
YOU THROW LIKE A GIRL was accompanied by a lengthy press kit which always proves interesting and informative. I was impressed by the bio information on Don McPherson. As “a national speaker and advocate for the prevention of sexual and domestic violence, he uses the appeal of sports to focus on a positive understanding of the masculine identity.” An editor’s statement and several news articles about Mr. McPherson’s work are very complimentary.
YOU THROW LIKE A GIRL is scheduled to be published on September 3, 2019.
YOU THROW LIKE A GIRL contains:
An Introduction; 8 Chapters; and a Conclusion. The Conclusion has a very important, personal, thoughtful message - “Be your son’s father; not your father’s son.”
I quite liked the following passages:
p. 19 of the Introduction. “Most men will quickly and readily agree that violence against women is wrong and that something should be done to stop it.”….. “However, what men do not always want to deal with, is a solution that demands scrutiny of their own behavior and privilege, even in the context of doing what they know is right.”
pp. 46-47 of Chapter 1. I really identified with the classroom incident involving the inappropriate behavior of the 5th grade boys. I encountered this same behavior (and reaction by my peers and administrators) many, many times as an educator.
Chapter 1 was the most relevant to me while reading this book. Mr. McPherson writes “The expression ‘Boys will be boys’ is typically used when boys’ behavior ranges from less desirable to outright deplorable. It’s most often invoked as an excuse for grossly inappropriate or dangerous behavior and sometimes delivered with nostalgia for a simplistic form of masculinity devoid of the maturity and personal responsibility of ‘manhood.’ This is the most dangerous blind spot of masculinity because it neglects the roots of violence and violent behavior.”
Chapter 6 is a very important chapter with ‘Men’s Privilege = Women’s Problem a focal talking point.
p.160 of Chapter 6 contains a World-Shattering/Myth Shattering sentence. “To explain why college men engage in sexually predatory behavior, we often blame the copious amounts of alcohol that flood the campus environment. In actuality, alcohol only serves the purpose of lowering men’s inhibitions: it reveals their attitudes and expectations more than it causes them.”
This is a very thoughtful, very informative, very intelligent, extremely powerful book. Every man and woman should read it.
November 12, 2019
Some of the discussion of how gender stereotypes constrict men is familiar to me. McPherson also makes many sharp points that are new. For example, while we talk about "why did she stay in the relationship when he was beating her?" we never ask why a man would stay in the same relationship. Or there's his discussion of the difference between men being taught to protect women (which a lot of conservatives hold up as the Nature Of Men) and supporting and helping women (conservatives fall silent).
July 7, 2020
A good friend of mine -- a young, socially conscious lesbian -- was the first person to make me aware of the various ways my privilege manifested in my behavior and speech. Often I would feel wounded or vulnerable when something was pointed out, but as we discussed further and I would mull it over and could come to a greater understanding. She encouraged me to read authors from different backgrounds, races, genders, and sexual experiences, which was quite eye-opening. Too much of our literature is from and about white men.
Still, at times I felt lonely in these explorations -- because I couldn't personally connect. The authors had vastly different backgrounds, and weren't in the same developmental place as me. It was different enough to feel unattainable. For gender and sexuality stuff in particular, men are socialized to only talk about those things in one way: crudely.
While a variety of authors and conversation partners is important for expanding one's worldview, I couldn't relate to their direct experiences. Everything I was reading was harrowing for being voiced by someone victimized or marginalized, or extremely clinical for being from an academic. So I was missing something in my understanding of the masculine experience in gender issues. It felt like I was reading important things that I was somewhat separate from, even though that's obviously not true.
Being able to relate to the issues can help mightily with integrating knowledge. But I would feel a sense of guilt or shame for looking to relate to the writer, not the least of which because the very same friend would roll her eyes or otherwise gently mock me whenever I picked up a male-narrated book.
Enter Don McPherson's book, You Throw Like a Girl. I saw it on display at my local library and snatched it up immediately -- it was the first book I'd come across that offered a blunt, honest, but vulnerable and kind exploration of masculinity from the perspective of the man trying to process all this stuff. It's confrontational, but never cruel. It helped me understand a lot of issues with masculinity, sexuality, silence, abuse, privilege, and socialization that had already been brought into my consciousness by other resources, but were lacking in personal application. Which often left me feeling like I wasn't fully "getting it."
Certainly there are bigger, better books out there about masculinity and sexuality and the like. McPherson's book isn't good simply because of some sexist notion that a man's writing and intellect are inherently better -- but rather it's valuable for bridging the too-large gap left by men NOT talking about all this. He discusses concepts that are quite basic and at times obvious but don't get written about enough because they seem almost too simple. But it's needed, because men aren't talking about all this WITH EACH OTHER. That's a critical part of the process for change.
Until reading this book, most of what I've been exposed to has been more about what men SHOULDN'T do, focusing on the failings of the patriarchy and the importance of dismantling it. All of which, while true and valuable, have at times left me feeling uncertain about how I can be a more effective participant in positive change. In part that's because the patriarchy itself approaches things the same way, telling men they SHOULDN'T like "girly" things, they SHOULDN'T be vulnerable or cry.
McPherson addresses this problem directly and revisits it constantly. His central theme here is how to change the masculine perspective into something focused on creating wholeness. He focuses on what we SHOULD do. I can't express strongly enough how much I needed to read and explore these ideas from that perspective.
I'm sure there's also plenty of latent sexism/misogyny in my own thinking, but that's not McPherson's or anyone else's fault. That's me needing my hand held through various areas I've been stubborn/stupid about.
As ridiculous as it sounds, I needed to know that I wasn't the only male out there trying to figure some of these things out. Modern masculinity just does not encourage men to discuss difficult emotional issues. It's still far more common to be seen as "effeminate" (in a derogatory way) to even bring up some of the issues in this book with male friends. We've got a ways to go, culturally.
McPherson discussed his difficulties in getting this book published, where he was told multiple times that it would only be read by women who already believed what he was getting at. He was told that men wouldn't want to read this. But he's hopeful that they were wrong, that there are men out there looking for resources exactly like this. I'm hopeful, too. After all, I was one of those looking for a book exactly like this. And it was one of the most important things I've read in years.
Still, at times I felt lonely in these explorations -- because I couldn't personally connect. The authors had vastly different backgrounds, and weren't in the same developmental place as me. It was different enough to feel unattainable. For gender and sexuality stuff in particular, men are socialized to only talk about those things in one way: crudely.
While a variety of authors and conversation partners is important for expanding one's worldview, I couldn't relate to their direct experiences. Everything I was reading was harrowing for being voiced by someone victimized or marginalized, or extremely clinical for being from an academic. So I was missing something in my understanding of the masculine experience in gender issues. It felt like I was reading important things that I was somewhat separate from, even though that's obviously not true.
Being able to relate to the issues can help mightily with integrating knowledge. But I would feel a sense of guilt or shame for looking to relate to the writer, not the least of which because the very same friend would roll her eyes or otherwise gently mock me whenever I picked up a male-narrated book.
Enter Don McPherson's book, You Throw Like a Girl. I saw it on display at my local library and snatched it up immediately -- it was the first book I'd come across that offered a blunt, honest, but vulnerable and kind exploration of masculinity from the perspective of the man trying to process all this stuff. It's confrontational, but never cruel. It helped me understand a lot of issues with masculinity, sexuality, silence, abuse, privilege, and socialization that had already been brought into my consciousness by other resources, but were lacking in personal application. Which often left me feeling like I wasn't fully "getting it."
Certainly there are bigger, better books out there about masculinity and sexuality and the like. McPherson's book isn't good simply because of some sexist notion that a man's writing and intellect are inherently better -- but rather it's valuable for bridging the too-large gap left by men NOT talking about all this. He discusses concepts that are quite basic and at times obvious but don't get written about enough because they seem almost too simple. But it's needed, because men aren't talking about all this WITH EACH OTHER. That's a critical part of the process for change.
Until reading this book, most of what I've been exposed to has been more about what men SHOULDN'T do, focusing on the failings of the patriarchy and the importance of dismantling it. All of which, while true and valuable, have at times left me feeling uncertain about how I can be a more effective participant in positive change. In part that's because the patriarchy itself approaches things the same way, telling men they SHOULDN'T like "girly" things, they SHOULDN'T be vulnerable or cry.
McPherson addresses this problem directly and revisits it constantly. His central theme here is how to change the masculine perspective into something focused on creating wholeness. He focuses on what we SHOULD do. I can't express strongly enough how much I needed to read and explore these ideas from that perspective.
I'm sure there's also plenty of latent sexism/misogyny in my own thinking, but that's not McPherson's or anyone else's fault. That's me needing my hand held through various areas I've been stubborn/stupid about.
As ridiculous as it sounds, I needed to know that I wasn't the only male out there trying to figure some of these things out. Modern masculinity just does not encourage men to discuss difficult emotional issues. It's still far more common to be seen as "effeminate" (in a derogatory way) to even bring up some of the issues in this book with male friends. We've got a ways to go, culturally.
McPherson discussed his difficulties in getting this book published, where he was told multiple times that it would only be read by women who already believed what he was getting at. He was told that men wouldn't want to read this. But he's hopeful that they were wrong, that there are men out there looking for resources exactly like this. I'm hopeful, too. After all, I was one of those looking for a book exactly like this. And it was one of the most important things I've read in years.
December 29, 2019
An excellent read to complete my reading year.
Don McPherson discusses how we raise boys and how through our use of language, the “throw like a girl” part both teaches boys to fear women and also devalues women.
While not preaching, the discussion around patriarchy comes across as a bit “teachy” the book comes alive when Don talks about his personal interactions, either in the classroom/discussion group, through his sporting career, tellingly, when overhearing two women discussing one of their son’s childhood erection, and, toward the end, a meditation on Don’s own father. The book asks the reader to examine their own relationships, for men, with their own masculinity, their fathers, peers and women. Gently pushing one towards a more courageous and honest view of their views and actions.
Read at the end of 2019, I cannot think of many better ways to start 2020.
Don McPherson discusses how we raise boys and how through our use of language, the “throw like a girl” part both teaches boys to fear women and also devalues women.
While not preaching, the discussion around patriarchy comes across as a bit “teachy” the book comes alive when Don talks about his personal interactions, either in the classroom/discussion group, through his sporting career, tellingly, when overhearing two women discussing one of their son’s childhood erection, and, toward the end, a meditation on Don’s own father. The book asks the reader to examine their own relationships, for men, with their own masculinity, their fathers, peers and women. Gently pushing one towards a more courageous and honest view of their views and actions.
Read at the end of 2019, I cannot think of many better ways to start 2020.
July 23, 2022
I wasn't sure how to take this book when I saw the title but I have to admit it was quite surprising. It takes an interesting look at how we as a society should approach teaching men about masculinity. How telling a boy that he throws like a girl not only insults the boy but insults women also. As a society we are constantly teaching women how to watch out for danger and how to protect themselves but what about men? Don't they need protecting too? Shouldn't they be allowed to show their feelings instead of head them? I'm not saying I agree with everything Mr. McPherson says but he does make some great points.
September 28, 2021
I am interested in efforts to make boys into men with a wider view of the world and better understanding of their place in it. I am a bit older than McPherson and did not play football, but I appreciate his views on how men are raised. Much of this was material I have read before but I liked his take on it, as a college and NFL quarterback (and a hurdler in high school, I was there for his senior year state meet). The title is genius.
July 25, 2025
A man who understands the past few decades of college football and who is raising a son would enjoy this much better. A book written by a man for men (the author did warn the reader).
Fortunately, I already understand the devastation of toxic masculinity and importance of not abusing women :)
Fortunately, I already understand the devastation of toxic masculinity and importance of not abusing women :)
November 23, 2019
Important book to read for men and women who raise men.
March 29, 2020
Although I’m not the target audience, I enjoyed this book. A lot to chew on, a lot to think about.
March 27, 2022
Gratifying to hear about misogyny from a straight, successful man. Thought- provoking. Presents a refreshing view of this subject.
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