Loving Like You Mean It: Use the Power of Emotional Mindfulness to Transform Your Relationships

by Ronald J. Frederick

A 2019 Nautilus Silver Book Award Winner You can't fix what you don't see. But with awareness and the right tools, real change can and does happen. No matter how hard we try, many of us struggle to make love work with our partners. The problem, as clinical psychologist Dr. Ron Frederick explains, is that our brains are running on outdated software. Without us knowing it, our early relationship programming causes us to fear being more emotionally present and authentic with our partners—precisely what’s needed to build loving connections. But we don’t have to remain prisoners to our past. Grounded in cutting-edge neuroscience and attachment theory, Loving Like You Mean It shares a proven four-step approach to use emotional mindfulness to break free from old habits, befriend your emotional experience, and develop new ways of relating. The capacity for deep, loving connections is inside all of us, waiting to come out. By practicing the science behind loving like you mean it, your relationships can be fuller and richer than you ever imagined.

Genres: Relationships, Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction

312 pages, Paperback

Published April 30, 2019

Reviews

[Michael Sasson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A well-integrated walk through combining mindful awareness and attachment theory. Challenging. Useful.

[Natalia Corres · Rating 5 out of 5]

While this book is focused on unraveling the years of conditioning our experiences have created around how we love, it is a wonderfully insightful way to review and mindfully readjust our responses and assumptions in many other relationship interactions, as well. Admittedly, love is the most important for our wellbeing, and for many, the most elusive. The author, Dr. Frederick, takes us through a straightforward three part process, starting with how we can learn about ourselves unravelling past experiences from our present life; then in part two assisting us in developing skills to recognize and manage our own “programming”, allowing us to find new ways to interact using a four-step process; and in the third part, we see examples of the process in action – via three different people’s experiences and relationship styles. Everyone who wishes to improve their relationships (in love and in friendship) can benefit from reading this book.

[Andy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really crucial book with a handy layout and helpful meditations/activities. Gets repetitive at the end, but that didn’t diminish the knowledge, examples, and techniques in this book that I found absolutely life changing!

[Erin Henry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! So much good information! I hope I can apply it and make my relationships better. I feel like every adult in a relationship should read this.

[Adam · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting psychology book all about attachment theory. If you want to use attachment theory right away I would suggest Stan Tatkin’s Your Brain on Love. If you want to fundamentally adopt attachment theory then this might be the route you go next. There is a brief overview of attachment theory and then most the book are exercises on unraveling situations where you need to develop the theory for use in your life. It was good but kinda basic. Felt like it wasn’t the most useful in your own, you need a psychologist to guide you. But when I finished j had the thought to go through it again and try some of the exercises. I did have some nice I sights into my own issues and am working on them, so maybe it is worth it.

[Charles Reed · Rating 4 out of 5]

78%

Ronald does a really nice job of showing how you can put out healthy coping mechanisms and heal your inner child and recognize when you're experiencing a negative reaction and what the root cause of that might be.

I appreciate the efforts and the actionable steps along with your goals it's beautiful.

[Jana · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked the concepts in this book (attachment theory and emotional mindfulness) but couldn’t relate to the examples, or the way information was presented. This is likely more my issue than the author’s and based on other reviews this seems to be a great resource for many. It’s inspired me to find other books on this topic to find something that works for me.

[Dawn Taylor · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book really needs editing! There are many errors and too much repetition. However, the basic content is good. The four steps to take when you get triggered in relationship: recognize and name; stop, drop, and stay; pause and reflect; mindfully relate.

[Rick Sindt · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’re ready, this book provides many tools needed to understand how your past impacts your present and the way it plays out in relationships. I recommend to anyone looking to building deeper relationships with the caveat that doing the internal work associated with this book is HARD stuff.

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a well thought out book. Where books like 'Attached' stop, this book lays out a path to secure relationships, with enough examples and small meditational exercises to make it practical enough and not just theory.

[Susie]

I'd never read about attachment styles before but this was really helpful in understanding them.

[Natalia Corres · Rating 5 out of 5]

While this book is focused on unraveling the years of conditioning our experiences have created around how we love, it is a wonderfully insightful way to review and mindfully readjust our responses and assumptions in many other relationship interactions, as well. Admittedly, love is the most important for our wellbeing, and for many, the most elusive. The author, Dr. Frederick, takes us through a straightforward three part process, starting with how we can learn about ourselves unravelling past experiences from our present life; then in part two assisting us in developing skills to recognize and manage our own “programming”, allowing us to find new ways to interact using a four-step process; and in the third part, we see examples of the process in action – via three different people’s experiences and relationship styles. Everyone who wishes to improve their relationships (in love and in friendship) can benefit from reading this book.