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Becoming a Church that Cares Well for the Abused
Is your church prepared to care for individuals who have experienced various forms of abuse?
As we continue to learn of more individuals experiencing sexual abuse, domestic violence, and other forms of abuse, it’s clear that resources are needed to help ministries and leaders care for these individuals with love, support, and in cooperation with civil authorities. This handbook seeks to help the church take a significant step forward in its care for those who have been abused.
Working in tandem with the Church Cares resources and videos, this handbook brings together leading evangelical trauma counselors, victim advocates, social workers, attorneys, batterer interventionists, and survivors to equip pastors and ministry leaders for the appropriate initial responses to a variety of abuse scenarios in churches, schools, or ministries.
Though the most comprehensive training is experienced by using this handbook and the videos together, readers who may be unable to access the videos can use this handbook as a stand-alone resource.
As we continue to learn of more individuals experiencing sexual abuse, domestic violence, and other forms of abuse, it’s clear that resources are needed to help ministries and leaders care for these individuals with love, support, and in cooperation with civil authorities. This handbook seeks to help the church take a significant step forward in its care for those who have been abused.
Working in tandem with the Church Cares resources and videos, this handbook brings together leading evangelical trauma counselors, victim advocates, social workers, attorneys, batterer interventionists, and survivors to equip pastors and ministry leaders for the appropriate initial responses to a variety of abuse scenarios in churches, schools, or ministries.
Though the most comprehensive training is experienced by using this handbook and the videos together, readers who may be unable to access the videos can use this handbook as a stand-alone resource.
256 pages, Paperback
Published June 4, 2019
179 people are currently reading
610 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews
July 11, 2024
This handbook, connected to the ChurchCares.com curriculum, is one of the most practical resources I've come across regarding how churches can care for the abused, whether the abuser is in the victim's family or someone who is serving with the church. What I love most is that this handbook brings together some of the leading experts who can speak to abuse from a Christian perspective. There is so much helpful content in here about maintaining good relationships with the police, child protective services, social workers, third-party counsellors, and more. I could not have been more delighted that nearly every chapter emphasized the need for churches to report cases to law enforcement where necessary and not to take things into their own hands in the name of reputational damage control.
Though I probably would have gained even more through watching the associated videos, I found that this step-by-step guide was just as useful in knowing what to do next when faced with this situation in a pastoral or ministry setting. I appreciate that this book is victim-centred and does not give abusers a free pass just because they may be nice or because others would never suspect them. In fact, this book delves into the darkness and evil behind abuse, calling it out for what it is. Church leaders will find hope through this handbook as they consider various scenarios to work through, along with the confidence that they can do what's critical to help congregants who are suffering from abuse. This is a handbook that is not to miss!
Review link: https://christianshelves.blogspot.com...
Though I probably would have gained even more through watching the associated videos, I found that this step-by-step guide was just as useful in knowing what to do next when faced with this situation in a pastoral or ministry setting. I appreciate that this book is victim-centred and does not give abusers a free pass just because they may be nice or because others would never suspect them. In fact, this book delves into the darkness and evil behind abuse, calling it out for what it is. Church leaders will find hope through this handbook as they consider various scenarios to work through, along with the confidence that they can do what's critical to help congregants who are suffering from abuse. This is a handbook that is not to miss!
Review link: https://christianshelves.blogspot.com...
March 23, 2023
I’m so glad I finally got around to reading and going through this book and training videos, and also watching the caring well conference. It was all excellent!
And with these being free resources, pastors and church leaders have no excuse to not go through them carefully and prayerfully for their own education and training, and also their preparation to respond and care well for the hurting.
In 2019, I went to an eye opening conference in San Diego on the topic (Valued Conference) and was forever changed to see the impact of abuse on hurting victims… I’m just so thankful and proud even that the SBC has followed suit and put these excellent materials out for our denomination and other churches. I’m praying many would consult it and that much fruit would come from it.
If your pastors haven’t gone through this material, recommend it to them, and if they don’t seem interested, beware of willful ignorance, or worse, because this is too convenient and specifically catered for them to so obviously prioritize in light of so much recent exposure to these problems… And for them to willfully neglect the topic is a major red flag…. And I’d probably find another church if they don’t seem to care enough to dive into these resources that were hand crafted for them to learn and grow in wisdom and compassion on these very important topics of caring well for the abused and preventing abuse.
And with these being free resources, pastors and church leaders have no excuse to not go through them carefully and prayerfully for their own education and training, and also their preparation to respond and care well for the hurting.
In 2019, I went to an eye opening conference in San Diego on the topic (Valued Conference) and was forever changed to see the impact of abuse on hurting victims… I’m just so thankful and proud even that the SBC has followed suit and put these excellent materials out for our denomination and other churches. I’m praying many would consult it and that much fruit would come from it.
If your pastors haven’t gone through this material, recommend it to them, and if they don’t seem interested, beware of willful ignorance, or worse, because this is too convenient and specifically catered for them to so obviously prioritize in light of so much recent exposure to these problems… And for them to willfully neglect the topic is a major red flag…. And I’d probably find another church if they don’t seem to care enough to dive into these resources that were hand crafted for them to learn and grow in wisdom and compassion on these very important topics of caring well for the abused and preventing abuse.
September 26, 2019
If you want to serve, or are serving in ministry in any capacity, this book needs to be on your bookshelf. It wisely, practically, and graciously goes through the steps and practices essential for a church when dealing with cases of abuse - an issue too often neglected or mishandled in the Church.
July 13, 2021
An invaluable resource for shepherds seeking to protect and mend injured sheep (Ezek. 34.16).
February 24, 2023
This book is very good and very helpful. All pastor and ministry leaders need to read this. I also encourage to take your leadership through this. It is so helpful on how to handle abuse and how to help care for those who have been hurt. It also has tons of helpful articles to help in how to care for the hurting.It also has a chapter on how to care for the abuser which was really good. Please read this book and take careful notes. Please help your church become a church that cares well.
October 14, 2024
So, so grateful for this resource. I will be using this repeatedly as issues arise in my staff role or in providing counseling. High quality and prepares the user well. Cannot commend this strongly enough. If staff members at every church were required to participate in this training (virtual training offered by the creators by LifeWay), cases would be handled far better.
July 15, 2025
An important book for any church leader. I really appreciated the multi-perspectival approach. At times it makes the reading a bit bumpy, but it's worth it to get perspectives from a victim, a lawyer, someone in law enforcement, government services, and therapists.
June 7, 2020
The Southern Baptist Convention had a reckoning during the summer of 2018 when the Houston Chronicle released a report detailing the stories of 700 victims of sexual abuse with the denomination. Brad Hambrick, a leading biblical counselor within the denomination, was tasked with developing a sexual abuse prevention curriculum aimed at church leadership. That curriculum included this book, which is available for free online/Kindle. It was written by a committee of therapists, ministers, social workers, survivors, a lawyer, and law enforcement. That approach can make it seem disjointed, but it captures the multi-discipline expertise necessary in cases of abuse. While the origin of the project is heartbreaking, it provides a long overdue resource. It, or something like it, should be required reading for those in ministry leadership.
October 21, 2023
this video series from ministry grid is highly organized in its presentation. I found it to avoid being discriminatory by remaining gender neutral in its descriptions (the abuser/the abused vs he/her), unlike other similar resources, and I find that to be helpful.
Church Cares elevates safety, humility, and gentleness in our approach and esteems those made in God's image who travel the incredibly difficult paths of abuse.
Common themes throughout are understanding immoral vs illegal and exploring legal dynamics as well as good listening and recognizing the impact of control and restoring voice. These videos are focused on what you should do and know should someone you love confide in you of an abusive situation, addressing common pitfalls.
I found the series to be highly informative and practical. A must-series for those in ministry. 5/5 stars
Church Cares elevates safety, humility, and gentleness in our approach and esteems those made in God's image who travel the incredibly difficult paths of abuse.
Common themes throughout are understanding immoral vs illegal and exploring legal dynamics as well as good listening and recognizing the impact of control and restoring voice. These videos are focused on what you should do and know should someone you love confide in you of an abusive situation, addressing common pitfalls.
I found the series to be highly informative and practical. A must-series for those in ministry. 5/5 stars
February 26, 2023
This was a good, yet hard read at times, content-wise. It helped lay out organization for different situations, and it gave information on responses to these situations. It helped distinguish the role of the church compared to other entities responding to abuse.
I wasn’t a fan of the question and answer set-up with the answers being a couple of the book’s authors. I also made a note through the whole book to look for this, and only one person referred to an abuser as him/her implying that women can also abuse. I was very saddened to see so many times that the expectation of all abusers would be male, and in turn, the victims were often referred to as “the wife”.
There were also quite a few grammatical errors (4-5?).
Overall, good read content-wise.
I wasn’t a fan of the question and answer set-up with the answers being a couple of the book’s authors. I also made a note through the whole book to look for this, and only one person referred to an abuser as him/her implying that women can also abuse. I was very saddened to see so many times that the expectation of all abusers would be male, and in turn, the victims were often referred to as “the wife”.
There were also quite a few grammatical errors (4-5?).
Overall, good read content-wise.
December 29, 2023
Very good and very practical. I would suggest the first 8 chapters for anyone in the church. Biggest takeaways:
1. You're not an expert in this so find experts to work with or defer to
2. There's a difference between sin and crime. Romans 13 and Matthew 18 can and do co-exist
3. Always be for the person, not the institution.
1. You're not an expert in this so find experts to work with or defer to
2. There's a difference between sin and crime. Romans 13 and Matthew 18 can and do co-exist
3. Always be for the person, not the institution.
April 2, 2022
Super practical and helpful book that I think everyone who is in ministry or aspires to be in ministry should read. Apart from the content within each chapter the appendixes provide helpful information that makes this book not only a must read but a handy resource. Couldn’t recommend more!
September 1, 2024
This book, writen as a manual, does just that ! It equips whoever reads it for the caring ministry for the abuse and abuser. The multiple answers given by professionnal are so useful, filled with grace, ans wisdom
I will go back to this book.
I will go back to this book.
January 9, 2025
Good practical advice, along with theological arguments for the advice.
November 19, 2020
This is an invaluable resource for everyone, though specifically geared to leaders, and is free both in written and video form at https://churchcares.com/. It is professionally done using instruction from pastors, counselors (biblical and licensed), survivors, attorneys and law enforcement which gives all of the essential information while beautifully weaving the gospel into each topic. The appendices are also helpful resources for state specific legal information and how to practically use the resource for all types of church ministry leaders.
A few of the key concepts I want to remember:
Lesson 6: Key Responses to Physical Abuse
"One huge mistake some churches have made is assuming marriage counseling is the best treatment options when abuse is disclosed. It is not. That only reinforces the abuser's mind-set that it is someone else's fault he or she behaves that way. Remember, safety and care for the victim of abuse is your highest priority right now, not repairing the marriage. that comes later if and only when the abuser takes full responsibility for the abuse and has learned to handle his or her frustrations and disappointments in new ways."
Non-intrusive and discreet way pastors or other trusted persons can say speak into concerns with a possible victim:
1. I've noticed ________, are you okay? Is something going on?
2. It seems like talking about ________ can be really upsetting, do you want to talk about it?
3. How can I support you?
Lesson 7: What happens when you call CPS?
"Any reconciliation, must come on the heels of a genuine long-term pattern of repentance. Jesus never promised that our earthly families would always remain intact. However, He did promise to be with us through every situation, to strengthen our fight against sin, and to shape us into His image."
Lesson 8: Non-Criminal Forms of Abuse (Verbal and Emotional)
"To say that these are forms of abuse which are not illegal in no ways minimizes how wrong these forms of abuse are. It merely indicates who has jurisdiction over the consequences for these actions: the civil authorities for matters that are illegal, the church for matters that are immoral within their congregation."
"[An emotionally] destructive marriage isn't just difficult or disappointing. It is devastating to the very God-given dignity of the other."
"It's important in these moments to understand that abuse, addictions, and chronic adultery are no marital problems. For sur they cause marital problems, but at their heart, they are serious personal sin issues and must be seen as such for genuine healing to take place."
In the case of emotional abuse we ask 3 questions:
1. Is the emotionally abusive person present for pastoral care (likely marriage counseling)?
Yes, then pastoral counseling needs to become individual rather than familial.
2. Are we only talking to the emotionally abuse person?
Yes, then believe what they are saying and connect them with an experienced counselor.
3. Is the emotionally abusive person a church member?
Use the power and control wheel, make a timeline to see the escalation and connect each behavior to the actual or potential outcome. "The reality of one's intention doesn't outweigh the impact, and frankly when we do uncover motives we can focus on the sinister nature of abuse rather than the softened claims of the perpetrator."
Lesson 9: Pastoral Care After Reporting: Reporting Is NOT a Ministerial Hand Off
"It is only a church-as-entire-body that can provide the kind of care an abuse victim needs."
Practical ways to show you care and actually care:
1. I'd like to do something special for you. What sorts of things would show you that someone cares?
2. How can I make your day better?
"Victims do not need someone else telling them what to do, their abuser did that. ... It is redemptive to restore their own ability to make decisions."
"When a church handles one case well, the other victims watching from the sidelines will start to come forward--so it is imperative to duplicate and train [the care team]."
Lesson 10: Pastoral Care and Correction For An Abuser
"...across studies the rates of false accusations run between 3 and 9 percent. ... When deception has been so practice in a life, exposure will first result in denial and more lies. Someone who has been abusing has lost the capacity to tell the truth to him/herself. Healing is only possible when the light shines relentlessly in the darkness until the offender falls down before our crucified God knowing that it is against that wounded Savior that he/she has sinned."
"The abuser demands nothing from any human, no position, no restoration--including forgiveness--acknowledging their inability to live in truth and knowing better than any they are not to be trusted and the choices behind their actions are theirs and theirs alone."
The objective [in focusing the abuser on the clearest examples of abuse] is to help them realize that when their average or 'normal' conflict response level registers as a '5 or 6,' this is a healthy person's worst conflict response."
Key qualities that show us change [in an abuser] is happening:
1. Humility. They ask good questions and listen. Blame-shifting will stop as humility emerges.
2. Patience: When a humble person hears the pain their abuse has caused, they do not rush or demand a gracious response.
3. Accountability: "Privacy kills change and fuels sin. Transparency kills sin and fuels change."
4. Robust Repentance: The abusive individual must not construe repentance as 'groveling.'
"When an oppressor is repentant, we will see an entirely different fruit in their lives. We must be careful to not fall for displays of worldly regret which are characterized by remorse for how their sin is causing them suffering. We are looking for godly regret which is focused on how it offends God and brings restoration and redemption to others."
When repentance isn't present:
1. If the abusive spouse does not repent, then the church should remove them from membership, and support the abused spouse in whatever decision they need to make for their safety.
"Even if a church does not believe that continued abuse fits the abandonment clause of 1 Cor 7, their choice is not between one holy and one unholy option. The choice is between empowering an abuser and supporting a victim pursing of safety."
A response to the abuser or another church member questioning the above...
"it would be hypocritical for an abusive spouse to condemn their spouse for separation while not addressing their abusive behaviors. As a church, we do not view prolonged separation or divorce as worse that refusing to change abusive behavior. Unfortunately, those were the only options that the abusive spouse left to their family. In abusive situations, we do not tell the victim what they out to do. We believe that is a matter of conscience and wisdom. We do support the victims of abuse in the choices they need to make for their own safety and the safety of their children."
2. If the abusive spouse repents and manifests evidence of change... "it is hypocritical to expect forgiveness and trust in a shorter amount of time than it took the abuser to come to repent--which includes the months or years before the church became aware of the abuse."
Lesson 11: Response to Abuse by a Church Leader
"...the very dynamics making you question the victim's story are usually the very dynamics that make the victim's story possible. Those are the very dynamics that gave the abuser power, and kept victims silent. And if you think it seems implausible to you to hear it, imagine the confusion and disbelief the victim felt living it. Victims are keenly aware of all the reasons they aren't likely to be believed, which is why, by the time a victim speaks up, an abuser has usually thoroughly groomed the community around him too, and you may be part of that."
"Start off by not judging. By not assuming that the victim has any motive to report other than they have been abused and need help. and be mindful of the behavior of the offender. Are they answering questions, or are they just focused on the behavior of the victim and what they must be doing wrong?"
Lesson 12: Seven Next Steps After This Training
"We want this resource to cultivate awareness that God loves the oppressed and wants to protect them through the church-at-large."
"Here's the reality: what a pastor talks about in the pulpit or through social media is what congregation members think it's okay to struggle with at church. ... Here's one simple way to rectify that dilemma: schedule to post abuse resources in your church's social media accounts at a set interval."
"We should be mindful of the fact that Jesus, came into this world sacrificially, not holding HIs power and position over us, but instead, He is devoted and sacrificing. He is the anti-oppressor; He does not seek to rule over us, demand our affections, or subject us to His majesty. Instead Jesus woos us with HIs gentle and forgiving love. so much so that, Jesus was willing to be wounded, even to the point of death to display His love for us."
"My greatest refuge and healing came from properly understanding how Jesus sees abuse, and the incredible hope of the gospel."
"Statistically, around a fourth of your congregation and your community have experienced sexual or domestic abuse."
"Church leaders must face something they find troublesome and that is the reality that some marriages cannot be saved. Not because God can't heal, but because people won't repent or do the hard work to change."
"God does not care more about the sanctity of marriage than He does for the safety and sanity of the individuals within that relationship."
A few of the key concepts I want to remember:
Lesson 6: Key Responses to Physical Abuse
"One huge mistake some churches have made is assuming marriage counseling is the best treatment options when abuse is disclosed. It is not. That only reinforces the abuser's mind-set that it is someone else's fault he or she behaves that way. Remember, safety and care for the victim of abuse is your highest priority right now, not repairing the marriage. that comes later if and only when the abuser takes full responsibility for the abuse and has learned to handle his or her frustrations and disappointments in new ways."
Non-intrusive and discreet way pastors or other trusted persons can say speak into concerns with a possible victim:
1. I've noticed ________, are you okay? Is something going on?
2. It seems like talking about ________ can be really upsetting, do you want to talk about it?
3. How can I support you?
Lesson 7: What happens when you call CPS?
"Any reconciliation, must come on the heels of a genuine long-term pattern of repentance. Jesus never promised that our earthly families would always remain intact. However, He did promise to be with us through every situation, to strengthen our fight against sin, and to shape us into His image."
Lesson 8: Non-Criminal Forms of Abuse (Verbal and Emotional)
"To say that these are forms of abuse which are not illegal in no ways minimizes how wrong these forms of abuse are. It merely indicates who has jurisdiction over the consequences for these actions: the civil authorities for matters that are illegal, the church for matters that are immoral within their congregation."
"[An emotionally] destructive marriage isn't just difficult or disappointing. It is devastating to the very God-given dignity of the other."
"It's important in these moments to understand that abuse, addictions, and chronic adultery are no marital problems. For sur they cause marital problems, but at their heart, they are serious personal sin issues and must be seen as such for genuine healing to take place."
In the case of emotional abuse we ask 3 questions:
1. Is the emotionally abusive person present for pastoral care (likely marriage counseling)?
Yes, then pastoral counseling needs to become individual rather than familial.
2. Are we only talking to the emotionally abuse person?
Yes, then believe what they are saying and connect them with an experienced counselor.
3. Is the emotionally abusive person a church member?
Use the power and control wheel, make a timeline to see the escalation and connect each behavior to the actual or potential outcome. "The reality of one's intention doesn't outweigh the impact, and frankly when we do uncover motives we can focus on the sinister nature of abuse rather than the softened claims of the perpetrator."
Lesson 9: Pastoral Care After Reporting: Reporting Is NOT a Ministerial Hand Off
"It is only a church-as-entire-body that can provide the kind of care an abuse victim needs."
Practical ways to show you care and actually care:
1. I'd like to do something special for you. What sorts of things would show you that someone cares?
2. How can I make your day better?
"Victims do not need someone else telling them what to do, their abuser did that. ... It is redemptive to restore their own ability to make decisions."
"When a church handles one case well, the other victims watching from the sidelines will start to come forward--so it is imperative to duplicate and train [the care team]."
Lesson 10: Pastoral Care and Correction For An Abuser
"...across studies the rates of false accusations run between 3 and 9 percent. ... When deception has been so practice in a life, exposure will first result in denial and more lies. Someone who has been abusing has lost the capacity to tell the truth to him/herself. Healing is only possible when the light shines relentlessly in the darkness until the offender falls down before our crucified God knowing that it is against that wounded Savior that he/she has sinned."
"The abuser demands nothing from any human, no position, no restoration--including forgiveness--acknowledging their inability to live in truth and knowing better than any they are not to be trusted and the choices behind their actions are theirs and theirs alone."
The objective [in focusing the abuser on the clearest examples of abuse] is to help them realize that when their average or 'normal' conflict response level registers as a '5 or 6,' this is a healthy person's worst conflict response."
Key qualities that show us change [in an abuser] is happening:
1. Humility. They ask good questions and listen. Blame-shifting will stop as humility emerges.
2. Patience: When a humble person hears the pain their abuse has caused, they do not rush or demand a gracious response.
3. Accountability: "Privacy kills change and fuels sin. Transparency kills sin and fuels change."
4. Robust Repentance: The abusive individual must not construe repentance as 'groveling.'
"When an oppressor is repentant, we will see an entirely different fruit in their lives. We must be careful to not fall for displays of worldly regret which are characterized by remorse for how their sin is causing them suffering. We are looking for godly regret which is focused on how it offends God and brings restoration and redemption to others."
When repentance isn't present:
1. If the abusive spouse does not repent, then the church should remove them from membership, and support the abused spouse in whatever decision they need to make for their safety.
"Even if a church does not believe that continued abuse fits the abandonment clause of 1 Cor 7, their choice is not between one holy and one unholy option. The choice is between empowering an abuser and supporting a victim pursing of safety."
A response to the abuser or another church member questioning the above...
"it would be hypocritical for an abusive spouse to condemn their spouse for separation while not addressing their abusive behaviors. As a church, we do not view prolonged separation or divorce as worse that refusing to change abusive behavior. Unfortunately, those were the only options that the abusive spouse left to their family. In abusive situations, we do not tell the victim what they out to do. We believe that is a matter of conscience and wisdom. We do support the victims of abuse in the choices they need to make for their own safety and the safety of their children."
2. If the abusive spouse repents and manifests evidence of change... "it is hypocritical to expect forgiveness and trust in a shorter amount of time than it took the abuser to come to repent--which includes the months or years before the church became aware of the abuse."
Lesson 11: Response to Abuse by a Church Leader
"...the very dynamics making you question the victim's story are usually the very dynamics that make the victim's story possible. Those are the very dynamics that gave the abuser power, and kept victims silent. And if you think it seems implausible to you to hear it, imagine the confusion and disbelief the victim felt living it. Victims are keenly aware of all the reasons they aren't likely to be believed, which is why, by the time a victim speaks up, an abuser has usually thoroughly groomed the community around him too, and you may be part of that."
"Start off by not judging. By not assuming that the victim has any motive to report other than they have been abused and need help. and be mindful of the behavior of the offender. Are they answering questions, or are they just focused on the behavior of the victim and what they must be doing wrong?"
Lesson 12: Seven Next Steps After This Training
"We want this resource to cultivate awareness that God loves the oppressed and wants to protect them through the church-at-large."
"Here's the reality: what a pastor talks about in the pulpit or through social media is what congregation members think it's okay to struggle with at church. ... Here's one simple way to rectify that dilemma: schedule to post abuse resources in your church's social media accounts at a set interval."
"We should be mindful of the fact that Jesus, came into this world sacrificially, not holding HIs power and position over us, but instead, He is devoted and sacrificing. He is the anti-oppressor; He does not seek to rule over us, demand our affections, or subject us to His majesty. Instead Jesus woos us with HIs gentle and forgiving love. so much so that, Jesus was willing to be wounded, even to the point of death to display His love for us."
"My greatest refuge and healing came from properly understanding how Jesus sees abuse, and the incredible hope of the gospel."
"Statistically, around a fourth of your congregation and your community have experienced sexual or domestic abuse."
"Church leaders must face something they find troublesome and that is the reality that some marriages cannot be saved. Not because God can't heal, but because people won't repent or do the hard work to change."
"God does not care more about the sanctity of marriage than He does for the safety and sanity of the individuals within that relationship."
November 10, 2020
Multiple authors share their experience and wisdom in biblically helping those who might be in a situation to encounter abuse victims. Written especially for church leaders.
November 3, 2019
I rated this book 3/5 stars ("I liked it") not for content but for formatting. This book is a great resource for pastors and church leaders seeking how they can best help in complex situations of abuse where outside parties (CPS, police, etc.) are required for protection of the abused and criminal proceedings for the abuser. Its greatest asset is its ability to walk the reader through the steps involved in an abuse scenario and how they can best fill the (limited) role of a biblical shepherd. Reading this book requires humility, especially for pastors who have negative preconceptions of government organizations like CPS or who desired to maintain control and privacy in a situation of abuse. The authors blow the lid off that misconception and clearly point out that when a legal violation has been committed, Romans 13 shows that we are to consult the legal authorities. This book is a must-read for those inexperienced with handling abuse situations.
My biggest critique of the book is in its formatting, editing and voicing. First off, there are a large number of grammatical and spelling mistakes throughout. Second, I'm not sure the question boxes are always helpful. They ask a question and then point the reader to a video link. This takes away from the reading experience, and usually leads me to skip the box altogether. Just summarize what the video says! Lastly, there is the issue of voicing. This book is a compilation of 10 authors, all of whom are clearly knowledgeable and experienced with abuse cases. Yet in each chapter we are given a few paragraphs from each one that is simply introduced by their name without any sort of logical transition. Each contributor shares a bit of their experience and thoughts and then the next one abruptly jumps in. This makes the content feel less cohesive and fluid. I would much rather have seen fewer contributors overall and more experience and thoughts from some of the key individuals, in particular ones like Rachel Denhollander (a survivor of infamous sex offender Larry Nassar) and Brad Hambrick, Counseling Pastor at Summit Church. I appreciate the effort to bring in an experienced team, but in a book this short and focused, less would have been more.
My biggest critique of the book is in its formatting, editing and voicing. First off, there are a large number of grammatical and spelling mistakes throughout. Second, I'm not sure the question boxes are always helpful. They ask a question and then point the reader to a video link. This takes away from the reading experience, and usually leads me to skip the box altogether. Just summarize what the video says! Lastly, there is the issue of voicing. This book is a compilation of 10 authors, all of whom are clearly knowledgeable and experienced with abuse cases. Yet in each chapter we are given a few paragraphs from each one that is simply introduced by their name without any sort of logical transition. Each contributor shares a bit of their experience and thoughts and then the next one abruptly jumps in. This makes the content feel less cohesive and fluid. I would much rather have seen fewer contributors overall and more experience and thoughts from some of the key individuals, in particular ones like Rachel Denhollander (a survivor of infamous sex offender Larry Nassar) and Brad Hambrick, Counseling Pastor at Summit Church. I appreciate the effort to bring in an experienced team, but in a book this short and focused, less would have been more.
January 15, 2020
Such informative and relevant content for church members and leaders today. I’m recommending it to everyone I know in church leadership. The only reason I didn’t put 5 stars is the format of the text. To me it reads a little bit “jumpy”, but that is, I think, because there is input in each chapter from different people, therefore different perspectives. It would have had a better flow if it somehow had an introduction to each writer as to how their input was relevant, despite the fact that that approach would have certainly required more time. I know they introduced them in the beginning of the book, but in each chapter I found myself flipping to the front thinking “Ok, How is THIS person’s perspective relevant here?” Not that it ISN’T relevant, rather, HOW is it relevant.
Alas, grace abounds here, and overall I think this is a MUST READ for Christians today.
Alas, grace abounds here, and overall I think this is a MUST READ for Christians today.
December 6, 2023
As both a pastor and a survivor of abuse I have a significant interest in seeing churches care well for the abused instead of making the situation worse. This book is a resource provided by Church Cares 100% for free in multiple mediums. You can either access it as videos through their website or as a book. It's difficult to make something like this work in multiple mediums but this work is helpful enough that I think it works. You can either read this book or watch the videos that are word for word the same content.
This book is meant to help the church. It is not just for pastors but anyone in the church who is interested in helping the church do better. If you are involved in the church and don't have any training in this area, then you should check out this book. Or at least check out the video training.
This book is meant to help the church. It is not just for pastors but anyone in the church who is interested in helping the church do better. If you are involved in the church and don't have any training in this area, then you should check out this book. Or at least check out the video training.
October 31, 2019
As a whole, I really appreciated this book. It's a handbook and goes with a training course, which is unfortunate, but I understand the reasoning behind it. As for content, I thought it carried some very helpful insight into how the church can become better at caring well for the abused person. As I've said in other arenas, abuse situations are some of the hardest situations to deal with. So much brokenness and sin, and yes, crime. The statistics are staggering and handling abuse cases is one that we would do well to give more time and attention to, to become more effective in counseling and caring for the ones being abused and the one doing the abusing.
June 9, 2022
Having spent no more than a week in a role which allows me to partner with victims of abuse, I am learning that the dialogue surrounding the church is more often one of pain than it is of healing. This book does an incredible job of calling church leaders to act upon the calls to action we see in verses like Proverbs 31:8 and Isaiah 1:17!
“Working with the traumatized is a ministry of restraint, of slowing down and of little by little. It is a small task of our almighty God becoming flesh on our behalf. It is the ministry of small things, of going back for lost things. I have found the work to be what I call a front row seat to redemption— in two people.”
“Working with the traumatized is a ministry of restraint, of slowing down and of little by little. It is a small task of our almighty God becoming flesh on our behalf. It is the ministry of small things, of going back for lost things. I have found the work to be what I call a front row seat to redemption— in two people.”
November 11, 2025
Read for my Intro to Seminary course. The insights provided by the contributors were incredibly helpful and grounded in the gospel. I oftentimes fall into the trap of thinking my church body is immune from abuse, whether physical, emotional, spiritual or mental. I like to think the best of our body, but who knows what happens when we go home. The reason I didn’t give 5 stars is wherever they referred to the abuser they always said “he” and it isn’t always that a man is an abuser. I’ve seen plenty of scenarios where a women are the perpetrators and men are silenced. Not that this is always the case, but I wish the authors had addressed that more throughout the study.
July 16, 2019
Watched the Ministry Grid Video and followed along in the book. I felt like the whole thing was well done, and gave me things to think about as someone who oversees aspects of our church's children ministry.
I like that they had believers from multiple fields weighing in on this issue from police, pastors, lawyers, and counselors. It really helps church leaders think through their responsibilities when dealing with abuse.
I like that they had believers from multiple fields weighing in on this issue from police, pastors, lawyers, and counselors. It really helps church leaders think through their responsibilities when dealing with abuse.
April 24, 2024
This book and the free video trainings that go along with it are such a gift to the church during a time when we realize that “how it’s always been done” isn’t good enough and has often caused or contributed to the harm of those in the Body of Christ who are hurting. Filled with practical advice and tools, this book and training are a good starting point for educating church leaders and staff on abuse and other important topics. Highly recommend if you want somewhere to start.
December 2, 2024
This is an excellent resource for anyone in ministry. It provides extremely practical steps any minister should begin taking before, during, and after a victim has come forward. This needs to be on the shelf of every minister to frequently referonce.
It is definitely built for the online training series and not just a book. The two are in conjunction. The book on its own reads like a lecture series, not a book.
It is definitely built for the online training series and not just a book. The two are in conjunction. The book on its own reads like a lecture series, not a book.
October 27, 2020
This training was very informative and thorough. I was especially pleased that licensed professionals were the ones contributing. I’d love to see another training come out as a follow up that would cover abuse prevention in the church, with topics on consent, purity culture, abusive theological teachings, etc.
Glad that I was a part of the training.
Glad that I was a part of the training.
August 12, 2022
A helpful primer with some thoughtful questions to prepare church policies and practices to avoid abuse and to build awareness of victim blaming. I was not in love with the formatting and there were a few concepts that seemed a bit intrusive and less than empowering even though I think it is well intentioned.
August 1, 2023
I recommend this book and the related website to all churches. The odds are that there is at least one person, probably more, who have experienced abuse at some point in their lives. The contributors in this book articulate well the need for faith fellowships to know how to help each other on the journey towards health.
January 31, 2024
Excellent Resource
This book and the videos on the website church cares are excellent resources for churches and ministries to educate their leaders on sexual abuse and how to deal with it within their congregations and staff. Being proactive, informed and compassionate are all key to caring well for the abused.
This book and the videos on the website church cares are excellent resources for churches and ministries to educate their leaders on sexual abuse and how to deal with it within their congregations and staff. Being proactive, informed and compassionate are all key to caring well for the abused.
April 12, 2024
I read this book as a standalone. I struggled to get into it at first because of the way it was structured, but it probably would have made more sense if I was also watching the videos and discussing it with a group. As a social worker, this was not new information for me, but I do highly recommend it for church leaders who are not familiar with the legal systems in place to help survivors.
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