Codependency - “Loves Me, Loves Me Not”: Learn How To Cultivate Healthy Relationships, Overcome Relationship Jealousy, Stop Controlling Others and Be Codependent No More

by Simeon Lindstrom, John Malone (Narrator)

If you've had difficulty with starting or maintaining relationships, issues with feeling jealous and possessive or find that your connections with others are more a source of distress than anything else, this book is for you. By finding ways to be more mindful throughout the day, as well as exercises in improving your communication skills, this book will show you how to have relationships that are calmer and more stable and compassionate. We'll begin with a look at the phenomenon of codependency, what it has traditionally meant in the psychological realm and how these traits and patterns can be traced back to issues of self-worth, compassion and more deliberate action. We'll examine how mindfulness can be the magic ingredient to getting a hold of the codependency cycle, and some of the characteristics of happy, mindful relationships. Finally, we'll explore a model for mindful communication and ways that you can begin to implement immediately in order to make a commitment to stronger, more compassionate relationships with others. It may feel sometimes that an intense and serious connection with someone is proof of the depth of the feeling you have for one another. But be careful, obsession and dependency is not the same as love. In the codependent relationship, our affection and attention is coming from a place of fear and need. As a result, the partners never really connect with each other. They do endless, complicated dances around each others problems, but what they never do is make an honest human connection. In codependent relationships, manipulation, guilt and resentment take the place of healthy, balanced affection. Codependent partners are not necessarily together because they want to be, they are because they have to be, because they don't know how to live otherwise. One partner may bring a history of abuse, a "personality disorder" or mental illness into a relationship; the ways the other partner responds to this may be healthy or not, but if they bring their own issues to the table too, they may find that the bond of their love is more accurately described as a shared and complementary dysfunction. Remember, the relationships we are in can never be better than the relationships we have with ourselves. Two unhappy people together never make a happy couple together. We cannot treat other people in ways we have never taken the time to consider before, and we cannot communicate properly if we are not even sure what it is we need to communicate in the first place. An individual with a mature, well-developed sense of themselves has the most to offer someone else. They have their own lives, their own sense of self-worth, their own strength. And when you remove need, fear, obsession and desperation, you open up the way for love and affection just for its own sake. Love is many things, but it's cheapened when held hostage by the ego. Connections formed around ego and fear may be strong and lasting, but what keeps them going is mutual need. What could be more romantic than, "I don't need to be with you. You don't complete me at all. I am happy and stable and fulfilled without you. But I still want to be with you, because you're awesome"? On the ground, in the nitty gritty of life, we can reduce a massive thing like "Relationships" down to smaller, more manageable units. Everything from the deepest and most profound romantic and spiritual union to sharing a joke with the cashier at the supermarket rests on one thing: communication. Whether it's through words or not, we are constantly communicating, and the accumulation of these little units creates this big thing we call a relationship. If you resonate with any of the above, I hope that this book will be of value to you and your relationship with yourself and others.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Relationships, Nonfiction

Audible Audio

First published September 4, 2014

Reviews

[Traci Lovelot · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book plus the others contained within is fantastic. It's not really about codependency, per se. It's really more about learning what relationships should be based on, and what they should not. One of the biggest takeaways I learned from this book is that a good relationship cannot come from having similar bad experiences. A good relationship is built on two people's best sides connecting and trying to bring out the best in one another. Not their "bad sides" or past hurts and trauma bringing them together. Fantastic read, I recommend it to anyone who has ever gotten to the end of the relationship and wondered what went wrong.

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

A quick read. The book contained great info with good examples that really helped in understand codependency and recognizing it in your life. The author brought a lot of great insight.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short but very helpful

[Karina Acevedo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was insightful and gave me a clear understanding when it comes to codependent relationships. It helped me reflect on my own relationships and whether there was codependency present or not. Turns out I was the codependent one, and now I know what positive changes to make into my own life with this book. It had a bunch of useful information that I had to snap pics to save to my photo gallery on my phone to remind myself and remember the issues I need to work on. This book guides you to remember your self worth, self compassion, and to be good to yourself and others, even when they weren’t good to you. I recommend this quick read to anyone who feels like they are stuck in a codependent relationship and who is ready to see the light from the other side, because personally I struggled in that kind of relationship for years and I just recently got out of that sticky web. I’m still healing, still recovering, still learning, (about myself and others) and this book brought me relief,comfort, and acceptance.

[Morris Shanahan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good for anyone in a codependent relationship or knows someone in one. Very clear and relatively easy to follow. Unfortunate that most people in such relationships have great difficulty in managing effective change and the codependency continues. It certainly isn’t a healthy way to live.
Glad to see the authors provide excellent example of what good, constructive relationships look like. Thank you!

[kendel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read

I was able to read it on kindle unlimited for free but would totally buy this book. it is worth it to have around as a reminder for what a great relationship is really suppose to be like. It is a pretty quick read I was able to read it in a few hours with my four year old needing constant supervision.

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Liked it. Very simple, but very helpful.

[Chris Winters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazingly helpful and eye opening

I wasnt expecting much because I have read many books. I was very pleasantly surprised and feel so much better. Thank you for this book

[Branden · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Your relationship with others can never be better then the relationship you have with yourself."

Everyone needs to read this. I love this author.

[Blake · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome read

Liked all the honesty and tips to love and commitment for communication. I’ve read better but such a good author

[Christine Zalewski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best Book

It's a great book to help me understand a lot better. Now I can move on because I understand it

[Daliya Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Read

It was interesting and had practical examples that can be used in everyday life. I would recommend it to others

[DaynaTulip · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is VERY short. 63 pages or so. It is a nice little book about healthy relationships. I thought it would be a lot longer when I ordered it, but I guess that’s on me.

[Alicia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very helpful

[Ioannis · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is a very concise introduction to the subject of taking care of yourself (and loving yourself) to be able to co-exist with others. Nice read.

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short refresher

An easy and quick read. Something I can and will refer back to throughout my recovery journey. Gave me the small push I needed to continue on.

[Hailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a really good book for me.

What did I learn?

Well, I learned that I was unaware of some definite codependent habits that were having a negative effect on my life. I knew before that it was negative, but now I better understand WHY and WHAT and HOW. This book makes me want to have so much more respect for myself and for those around me. I want to connect with people who bring out the best in me. And I want to be compassionate towards myself!! :)

Well, I want to be a lot more things now. And I'm still learning. (And I'm doing great! ;)

[April · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good book

This book was great in helping me understand codependency. A lot of these things I already knew but this book put it into words for me quickly and easy to come to grips with because many people around me are codependent and even narcissistic. Now I get where it's coming from.

[Anna Othitis · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic resource when it comes to building healthier and more loving relationships, healing your personal relationships and become a much stronger person. I enjoyed reading this book that has so much advise. Loved it!

[Lindsay Katherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book because of my fear of becoming codependent during the covid pandemic and I found it interesting to help identify toxic traits. It was short and sweet. It doesn't really have a what now aspect if someone was codependent but enjoyed the examples of codependent traits!