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Criminal Intentions #11
Crescendo
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
"I'm sorry."
A stage play turns into high drama when the leading man's mutilated body takes center stage--and the remorseful note pinned to his chest is Malcolm and Seong-Jae's only clue to finding the killer. What should be a simple case is complicated by secrets and lies; as more and more of Seong-Jae's past surfaces, every deflection and careful half-truth builds the walls between partners-turned-lovers higher still.
When Malcolm and Seong-Jae can no longer see eye to eye...will the closing act of their story turn into a tragedy?
"I'm sorry."
A stage play turns into high drama when the leading man's mutilated body takes center stage--and the remorseful note pinned to his chest is Malcolm and Seong-Jae's only clue to finding the killer. What should be a simple case is complicated by secrets and lies; as more and more of Seong-Jae's past surfaces, every deflection and careful half-truth builds the walls between partners-turned-lovers higher still.
When Malcolm and Seong-Jae can no longer see eye to eye...will the closing act of their story turn into a tragedy?
189 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 10, 2019
52 people are currently reading
438 people want to read
About the author
Cole McCade
65 books1,530 followersSlender. Angry. (Part) Asian.
Yeah, that about sums me up.
Hi. I’m Cole. Xen. Whatever you want to call me; both are true, and both are lies. My pen names are multitudes, my nicknames legion. Tall, bi/queer, introverted author of a brown-ish persuasion made up of various flavors of Black, Asian, and Native American. I’m cuter than Hello Kitty, more bitter than the blackest coffee, and able to trip over cats in a single half-asleep lurch; I’m what happens when a Broody Antihero and a Manic Pixie Dream Boy fight to the death, and someone builds a person from the scraps left behind. Beardless, I look like the uke in every yaoi manga in existence; bearded or not, I sound like Barry White. About half my time is spent as a corporate writer, and the other half riding a train of WTFery that sometimes results in a finished book. Romance, erotica, sci-fi, horror, paranormal; LGBTQIA and cishet; diverse settings and diverse characters from a diverse author.
Sometimes I shout about things on the internet. Usually intersectional feminism and marginalized voices, and whomever’s punching down in those directions today. Sometimes human sociology, the psychology of sex and gender, and my own gender non-conforming arse (he/him, by the way). Sometimes I get really mad at Stephen Hawking and nerd out all over the place about hairy black holes, and believe it or not, that’s not a terrible pun or even worse innuendo.
That’s it. I’m a huge dork. My humor’s so dry it could empty oceans. I’m a native Southerner from the New Orleans area with zero Southern accent; I’m a mess of multi-ethnic, multi-cultural, multi-lingual influences; I have two cats. I wake up at daft hours of the morning to go running. I crochet terrible, lumpy things that never really turn into anything. I’m older than you think I look. I’m much more shy than my fury makes me sound (signifying gods only know what, but probably nothing). Recently I decided, at 36, that I needed to restart my life and move cross-country, so I tossed 75% of my possessions in the trash and randomly trucked it to Seattle. I’m in love with books and music and technology, and they war with each other for dominance and sometimes come together in a beautiful confluence. Most of the physical books I own are strange, obscure, out of print, overseas imports, or any combination of the four. Most of the physical books I used to own were destroyed in Hurricane Katrina, and have been replaced with the infinite library on my Nook. My wallet has a dangerous attraction to anything with pages; it flirts and teases and gives its all, until there’s nothing left but emptiness and ruin.
There will always be things you don’t know, and I won’t tell.
But ask me late at night over live music in a seedy bar, and you might just get an honest answer.
...or you can poke me via:
* Email: blackmagic@blackmagicblues.com
* Twitter: @thisblackmagic
* Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/xen.cole
* Website & Blog: http://www.blackmagicblues.com
* Tumblr: http://thisblackmagic.tumblr.com/
And there's my Xen Sanders SFF / Horror profile:
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...
Yeah, that about sums me up.
Hi. I’m Cole. Xen. Whatever you want to call me; both are true, and both are lies. My pen names are multitudes, my nicknames legion. Tall, bi/queer, introverted author of a brown-ish persuasion made up of various flavors of Black, Asian, and Native American. I’m cuter than Hello Kitty, more bitter than the blackest coffee, and able to trip over cats in a single half-asleep lurch; I’m what happens when a Broody Antihero and a Manic Pixie Dream Boy fight to the death, and someone builds a person from the scraps left behind. Beardless, I look like the uke in every yaoi manga in existence; bearded or not, I sound like Barry White. About half my time is spent as a corporate writer, and the other half riding a train of WTFery that sometimes results in a finished book. Romance, erotica, sci-fi, horror, paranormal; LGBTQIA and cishet; diverse settings and diverse characters from a diverse author.
Sometimes I shout about things on the internet. Usually intersectional feminism and marginalized voices, and whomever’s punching down in those directions today. Sometimes human sociology, the psychology of sex and gender, and my own gender non-conforming arse (he/him, by the way). Sometimes I get really mad at Stephen Hawking and nerd out all over the place about hairy black holes, and believe it or not, that’s not a terrible pun or even worse innuendo.
That’s it. I’m a huge dork. My humor’s so dry it could empty oceans. I’m a native Southerner from the New Orleans area with zero Southern accent; I’m a mess of multi-ethnic, multi-cultural, multi-lingual influences; I have two cats. I wake up at daft hours of the morning to go running. I crochet terrible, lumpy things that never really turn into anything. I’m older than you think I look. I’m much more shy than my fury makes me sound (signifying gods only know what, but probably nothing). Recently I decided, at 36, that I needed to restart my life and move cross-country, so I tossed 75% of my possessions in the trash and randomly trucked it to Seattle. I’m in love with books and music and technology, and they war with each other for dominance and sometimes come together in a beautiful confluence. Most of the physical books I own are strange, obscure, out of print, overseas imports, or any combination of the four. Most of the physical books I used to own were destroyed in Hurricane Katrina, and have been replaced with the infinite library on my Nook. My wallet has a dangerous attraction to anything with pages; it flirts and teases and gives its all, until there’s nothing left but emptiness and ruin.
There will always be things you don’t know, and I won’t tell.
But ask me late at night over live music in a seedy bar, and you might just get an honest answer.
...or you can poke me via:
* Email: blackmagic@blackmagicblues.com
* Twitter: @thisblackmagic
* Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/xen.cole
* Website & Blog: http://www.blackmagicblues.com
* Tumblr: http://thisblackmagic.tumblr.com/
And there's my Xen Sanders SFF / Horror profile:
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 253 reviews
November 15, 2019
4.5 stars
GAAAAAAAHHH!!!! I am taking sides!! I am on MAL'S SIDE!!!
This book!!!!
Me at Sade: I know He is your friend but...b..but still:
Me at Seong- Jae: Mouth - Talk, Ear - Fucking Listen:
Me at Mal: GAAAAAHHH!!!!! You are an Angel, Hugs:
Me at Cole:
GAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!
GAAAAAAAHHH!!!! I am taking sides!! I am on MAL'S SIDE!!!
This book!!!!
Me at Sade: I know He is your friend but...b..but still:
Me at Seong- Jae: Mouth - Talk, Ear - Fucking Listen:
Me at Mal: GAAAAAHHH!!!!! You are an Angel, Hugs:
Me at Cole:
GAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!
May 26, 2021
I feel like you all already know how much I’m enjoying this series, so I wanted to talk about something new. Cole McCade does this really cool thing that I wish other authors did, and it’s to add a Q&A and an afterwork at the end of each episode. The afterwork in this episode was especially beautiful -probably to compensate
that
cliffhanger-, so the sappy words I want to share this time aren’t from the story, but from the afterwork:
"You are not defined by someone else’s feelings for you.
You are more than who finds you attractive.
You are every hobby you enjoy, every success you’ve achieved, every failure you’ve learned from. You are every moment of wonder you’ve ever experienced. You are your goals, your ambitions, your dreams (). You are and always have been the love you give yourself, long before anyone else’s love entered the picture.
And I always believe we should love ourselves enough that someone else’s love is an option, not a necessity.
Falling in love with another person or persons is a beautiful thing, for those who want it; an indifferent thing for those who don’t. It’s not wrong. But it’s not the final culmination of who you are, either. It’s not the crowning achievement of our lives.
It’s an accent.
Nothing else.
And with or without romantic love…
You, on your own, are amazing."
"You are not defined by someone else’s feelings for you.
You are more than who finds you attractive.
You are every hobby you enjoy, every success you’ve achieved, every failure you’ve learned from. You are every moment of wonder you’ve ever experienced. You are your goals, your ambitions, your dreams (). You are and always have been the love you give yourself, long before anyone else’s love entered the picture.
And I always believe we should love ourselves enough that someone else’s love is an option, not a necessity.
Falling in love with another person or persons is a beautiful thing, for those who want it; an indifferent thing for those who don’t. It’s not wrong. But it’s not the final culmination of who you are, either. It’s not the crowning achievement of our lives.
It’s an accent.
Nothing else.
And with or without romantic love…
You, on your own, are amazing."
April 27, 2023
5 “Sa-lang-hae” (I-love-you in Korean) Stars!!!
Thoughts:
Loving MalSJ ~ Side effects include:
-Racing heartbeat
-Sweating of the good 😉 and fearful kind 😖
-sniffling at both cute and painful moments
-permanent pout
-Screaming in delight
-heart eyes/tearful eyes
-immediate anger and rage at anyone who even looks at them wrong
-A forever adoration of these two adorable fools
Book 11 had zero right to be this good! It gave all the angst, the comfort, the romance, the yearning, the pain, the laughter and the anxiety and fear I have been craving all together! This episode/book can only be described as perfect.
What we get:
-Cole McCade bringing a difficult case into light again and handling it in such a real way!
-Seong-Jae calling Malcolm cute (never thought I’d see the day!)
-Wearing your boyfriends jacket moments
-ANGST ANGST AND MORE ANGST
-Side characters being their amazing selves and giving our main characters the shit they deserve
-Miscommunication at it’s finest (but also just lack of communication due to fear)
-The Princess Bride references
-Sharing a bath together when you are 6 ft + tall (I need more bath scenes in books please!)
-Key exchange conversations
-”Foreplay in public?” lolol
-Moments that moved me to actual tears!
-Whispered ‘I love yous’ in their heads
-PAIN.
-Seong-Jae and Malcolm stealing our hearts once again
I will still be recovering from this one and its perfection (even though I already read the next one) because it will never leave me or my heart!
Nothing else to say other than read this series!!!
lila, bestie, another amazing br, and so glad we fangirled so hard over this one together! You are my angst other half!! <3
Would I recommend this and to who:
Crime junkies and slow burn romance lovers
Paperback/Hardcover/Audiobook/E-book:
E-book - Kindle Unlimited
How did I discover this:
My bb, lila, who guided me to one of my forever top ships!
Pace:
Fast
POV:
Multi - Malcolm and Seong-Jae primarily
Quotes:
Had he fallen in love with a lie?
“Come here. You don’t have to hide it.”
“This is highly unprofessional.” “As if I’ve ever been professional.”
“‘Against protocol’ is my middle name.” “Your middle name is Ibrahim.” “You know what I mean.”
“Now you are just trying to get me to insult you.” “Maybe that’s my new kin—ow.”
Seong-Jae was so fucking beautiful. Every line, every taper, every scar that marked over the chisels of his body
“I like the way you fit against me.”
“…as you say.” “Yeah. As I say,” Malcolm murmured. When what he really meant was I love you. I love you so much it’s killing me, and I don’t know what to do about it.
Sa-lang-hae, Malcolm
“You make me happy, Seong-Jae. I can’t get enough of you. And I like being able to care for you.”
“It means…it means you are the thing that gives me life. The life force that makes my heart beat. Omr...omr-am. The breath that gives me life.”
“Have you missed me, Seong-Jae?” Those strawberry lips quirked. “…yes,” Seong-Jae whispered.
“Do not let go,” he whispered. “Do not ever let me go.”
I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you like I have loved nothing and no one else… …and it terrifies me.
“Insufferable.” “That’s why you like me.” “Perhaps it is.”
(MAYA THIS ONE'S FOR YOU!!) “No. Down. Bad wolf.” Malcolm’s head snapped up, and he blinked at Seong-Jae. “Did…you just call me a wolf?” “I…” Oh, fuck.
Triggers:
Addiction, Withdrawals, Police brutality, Gun violence, Death, Murder, Graphic Horrific Details, Swearing, Sexual Content, Injury, Gore, Toxic Relationships, etc.
____________________
Hands down the best one so far!! 5 stars for my babies and rtc!!
____________________
My heart is in my ass! I'm so scared for what this one will bring, but I have my bestie with me! At least we are in it together, my love, lila!
Thoughts:
Loving MalSJ ~ Side effects include:
-Racing heartbeat
-Sweating of the good 😉 and fearful kind 😖
-sniffling at both cute and painful moments
-permanent pout
-Screaming in delight
-heart eyes/tearful eyes
-immediate anger and rage at anyone who even looks at them wrong
-A forever adoration of these two adorable fools
Book 11 had zero right to be this good! It gave all the angst, the comfort, the romance, the yearning, the pain, the laughter and the anxiety and fear I have been craving all together! This episode/book can only be described as perfect.
What we get:
-Cole McCade bringing a difficult case into light again and handling it in such a real way!
-Seong-Jae calling Malcolm cute (never thought I’d see the day!)
-Wearing your boyfriends jacket moments
-ANGST ANGST AND MORE ANGST
-Side characters being their amazing selves and giving our main characters the shit they deserve
-Miscommunication at it’s finest (but also just lack of communication due to fear)
-The Princess Bride references
-Sharing a bath together when you are 6 ft + tall (I need more bath scenes in books please!)
-Key exchange conversations
-”Foreplay in public?” lolol
-Moments that moved me to actual tears!
-Whispered ‘I love yous’ in their heads
-PAIN.
-Seong-Jae and Malcolm stealing our hearts once again
I will still be recovering from this one and its perfection (even though I already read the next one) because it will never leave me or my heart!
Nothing else to say other than read this series!!!
lila, bestie, another amazing br, and so glad we fangirled so hard over this one together! You are my angst other half!! <3
Would I recommend this and to who:
Crime junkies and slow burn romance lovers
Paperback/Hardcover/Audiobook/E-book:
E-book - Kindle Unlimited
How did I discover this:
My bb, lila, who guided me to one of my forever top ships!
Pace:
Fast
POV:
Multi - Malcolm and Seong-Jae primarily
Quotes:
Had he fallen in love with a lie?
“Come here. You don’t have to hide it.”
“This is highly unprofessional.” “As if I’ve ever been professional.”
“‘Against protocol’ is my middle name.” “Your middle name is Ibrahim.” “You know what I mean.”
“Now you are just trying to get me to insult you.” “Maybe that’s my new kin—ow.”
Seong-Jae was so fucking beautiful. Every line, every taper, every scar that marked over the chisels of his body
“I like the way you fit against me.”
“…as you say.” “Yeah. As I say,” Malcolm murmured. When what he really meant was I love you. I love you so much it’s killing me, and I don’t know what to do about it.
Sa-lang-hae, Malcolm
“You make me happy, Seong-Jae. I can’t get enough of you. And I like being able to care for you.”
“It means…it means you are the thing that gives me life. The life force that makes my heart beat. Omr...omr-am. The breath that gives me life.”
“Have you missed me, Seong-Jae?” Those strawberry lips quirked. “…yes,” Seong-Jae whispered.
“Do not let go,” he whispered. “Do not ever let me go.”
I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you like I have loved nothing and no one else… …and it terrifies me.
“Insufferable.” “That’s why you like me.” “Perhaps it is.”
(MAYA THIS ONE'S FOR YOU!!) “No. Down. Bad wolf.” Malcolm’s head snapped up, and he blinked at Seong-Jae. “Did…you just call me a wolf?” “I…” Oh, fuck.
Triggers:
Addiction, Withdrawals, Police brutality, Gun violence, Death, Murder, Graphic Horrific Details, Swearing, Sexual Content, Injury, Gore, Toxic Relationships, etc.
____________________
Hands down the best one so far!! 5 stars for my babies and rtc!!
____________________
My heart is in my ass! I'm so scared for what this one will bring, but I have my bestie with me! At least we are in it together, my love, lila!
July 26, 2024
Lordy, this was like tumbling head first down a hill, straight past the 
warning sign...
You just know something bad is about to happen and you can't make it stop.
I wanted to slam-dunk Sade into the deepest well I can find for starting this whole mess by sowing the seeds of doubt, knock some sense into Seong-Jae for not talking - preferably with a frying pan - and hug Mal something fierce to ease the pain. The case was maybe not the best as of yet, but the cases themselves got a bit incidental for me anyway, I just need my Mal/Seong-Jae fix to be happy. Well, as happy as one can be while getting one's heart ripped out, that is...
I won't and can't say more because I don't want to be too spoilery and my inner masochist made me start the next book right away. Let the binge-read commence! ;-)
warning sign...You just know something bad is about to happen and you can't make it stop.
I wanted to slam-dunk Sade into the deepest well I can find for starting this whole mess by sowing the seeds of doubt, knock some sense into Seong-Jae for not talking - preferably with a frying pan - and hug Mal something fierce to ease the pain. The case was maybe not the best as of yet, but the cases themselves got a bit incidental for me anyway, I just need my Mal/Seong-Jae fix to be happy. Well, as happy as one can be while getting one's heart ripped out, that is...
I won't and can't say more because I don't want to be too spoilery and my inner masochist made me start the next book right away. Let the binge-read commence! ;-)
January 31, 2025
That was all it took; he was a simple man, really, when it came to Seong-Jae. Just his skittish wildcat, his flighty crow, reaching for him, touching him, drawing him close first; just those little reminders that this wasn’t one-sided, and that even if Malcolm didn’t quite know what Seong-Jae felt for him… He felt something.
I’m going to be perfectly honest and say that this wasn’t one of my favourite instalments in this series. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed it, and being one piece of a larger body of work that I am loving will always afford it a little bit of grace. I do have to wonder sometimes if McCade has ever met someone in their mid 40s though cause sometimes listening to how he describes Mal I feel like I'm going to have a very rough and aging 10 years ahead of me.
This book just felt like it was setting the stage for the two-part finale confrontation that’s coming up next and so it didn’t really feel like it moved much along plot wise and was kind of setting up the pins for the next books to bowl them down.
Seong-Jae has fast become a favourite character of mine throughout these books, however, the urge to SHAKE HIM WITHIN AN INCH OF HIS LIFE was so strong here. I understand that he is scared, traumatised and doing not great (undersell of the century) but his refusal to talk to Malcolm is driving me nuts. I just want them purge everything out and get back on the same page again. The fact that the things that Seong-Jae loves about Mal and wants to protect by trying to shield him from Sila are the exact same traits that would make Mal want to help Seong-Jae carry the weight of his past…. What stupid dumbos. Kiss and make up. I wouldn’t be able to handle making Mal sad with his puppy eyes and his heart on his sleeve. It squished my heart a little to read the QandA and see that Seong-Jae knows that Mal loves him because of how much Mal shows it in how behaves and treats him and Seong-Jae is so attuned to reading people.
Its an interesting reflection on McCade’s ability to write interpersonal relationships that you can really feel that discordant note of wrongness between Malcolm and Seong-Jae when they aren’t on the same page communication-wise and withholding parts of themselves, especially in the intimate scenes between Malcolm and Seong-Jae.
All that being said, I definitely was still screaming at my Kindle at times reading this. Mainly in that one scene in Anjulies office and its like YOU ARE SO CLOSE TO PUTTING THIS TOGETHER MAL.
I almost wish that Seong-Jae and Mal’s fight hit me a little harder, although when Mal said to himself "Did you need to get away from me that badly? I really felt for him. Poor Mal’s going to be so heartbroken but it’s a bit easier on the reader when we know that it’ll all work out in the end. I can’t wait to read them suffer and be sad around each other hahahahaha.
I’m going to be perfectly honest and say that this wasn’t one of my favourite instalments in this series. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed it, and being one piece of a larger body of work that I am loving will always afford it a little bit of grace. I do have to wonder sometimes if McCade has ever met someone in their mid 40s though cause sometimes listening to how he describes Mal I feel like I'm going to have a very rough and aging 10 years ahead of me.
This book just felt like it was setting the stage for the two-part finale confrontation that’s coming up next and so it didn’t really feel like it moved much along plot wise and was kind of setting up the pins for the next books to bowl them down.
Seong-Jae has fast become a favourite character of mine throughout these books, however, the urge to SHAKE HIM WITHIN AN INCH OF HIS LIFE was so strong here. I understand that he is scared, traumatised and doing not great (undersell of the century) but his refusal to talk to Malcolm is driving me nuts. I just want them purge everything out and get back on the same page again. The fact that the things that Seong-Jae loves about Mal and wants to protect by trying to shield him from Sila are the exact same traits that would make Mal want to help Seong-Jae carry the weight of his past…. What stupid dumbos. Kiss and make up. I wouldn’t be able to handle making Mal sad with his puppy eyes and his heart on his sleeve. It squished my heart a little to read the QandA and see that Seong-Jae knows that Mal loves him because of how much Mal shows it in how behaves and treats him and Seong-Jae is so attuned to reading people.
Its an interesting reflection on McCade’s ability to write interpersonal relationships that you can really feel that discordant note of wrongness between Malcolm and Seong-Jae when they aren’t on the same page communication-wise and withholding parts of themselves, especially in the intimate scenes between Malcolm and Seong-Jae.
All that being said, I definitely was still screaming at my Kindle at times reading this. Mainly in that one scene in Anjulies office and its like YOU ARE SO CLOSE TO PUTTING THIS TOGETHER MAL.
I almost wish that Seong-Jae and Mal’s fight hit me a little harder, although when Mal said to himself "Did you need to get away from me that badly? I really felt for him. Poor Mal’s going to be so heartbroken but it’s a bit easier on the reader when we know that it’ll all work out in the end. I can’t wait to read them suffer and be sad around each other hahahahaha.
May 11, 2019
God, they are breaking my heart!
And damn Sade for sticking their nose where it didn’t belong!
I can’t think of anything else to say, except that I hope and pray that Seong-Jae gets to be the one to slay his dragon. And then can talk to Mal. Ugh. 💔
And damn Sade for sticking their nose where it didn’t belong!
I can’t think of anything else to say, except that I hope and pray that Seong-Jae gets to be the one to slay his dragon. And then can talk to Mal. Ugh. 💔
May 19, 2021
4.5⭐
The clash happened... but the worst is yet to come.
After how the previous episode ended... The tension is felt. It weighs between them. Secrets not told. Elusive looks. Saved words.
Seong-Jae is struggling with his past and not telling what happened causes his present to fall apart. Malcom tries to listen, and be there, but... Our wolf is not made of iron, and he is hurt.
What the hell is in that file?!
I liked the case, Cole gives you clues, and many times it is what you think, but you discard it and focus on others or... I'm just too bad for guessing🤣.
Happy and funny quotes:
Hissing through his teeth, Seong-Jae dropped his face into his palm.
“We are not even connected on Facebook and yet you are sharing private messages with my family.”
Malcolm grinned. “Do you want to be Facebook friends, Seong-Jae? Do you want me to tag you in my relationship status?” “Go fuck yourself, Malcolm Khalaji”
Seong-Jae narrowed his eyes. Why that… “What did you do?”
Malcom- “Nothing!”
Seong-Jae- “How do you know my phone’s unlock code?”
Malcom- “How do you break into my apartment without a key?
Touché🤣.
“Omr-an…please. Talk to me.” Seong-Jae said nothing, didn’t move, didn’t respond at all…until his voice drifted over his shoulder, small and soft.
“…tell me what that word means first.”
Malcom- [...] “It means…it means you are the thing that gives me life. The life force that makes my heart beat.”
Another ending that left me ☠️☠️☠️.
The clash happened... but the worst is yet to come.
After how the previous episode ended... The tension is felt. It weighs between them. Secrets not told. Elusive looks. Saved words.
Seong-Jae is struggling with his past and not telling what happened causes his present to fall apart. Malcom tries to listen, and be there, but... Our wolf is not made of iron, and he is hurt.
What the hell is in that file?!
I liked the case, Cole gives you clues, and many times it is what you think, but you discard it and focus on others or... I'm just too bad for guessing🤣.
Happy and funny quotes:
Hissing through his teeth, Seong-Jae dropped his face into his palm.
“We are not even connected on Facebook and yet you are sharing private messages with my family.”
Malcolm grinned. “Do you want to be Facebook friends, Seong-Jae? Do you want me to tag you in my relationship status?” “Go fuck yourself, Malcolm Khalaji”
Seong-Jae narrowed his eyes. Why that… “What did you do?”
Malcom- “Nothing!”
Seong-Jae- “How do you know my phone’s unlock code?”
Malcom- “How do you break into my apartment without a key?
Touché🤣.
“Omr-an…please. Talk to me.” Seong-Jae said nothing, didn’t move, didn’t respond at all…until his voice drifted over his shoulder, small and soft.
“…tell me what that word means first.”
Malcom- [...] “It means…it means you are the thing that gives me life. The life force that makes my heart beat.”
Another ending that left me ☠️☠️☠️.
April 2, 2024
Eu não estou conseguindo mais dormir, quero saber o que está no arquivo do meu amado Seong-Jae. Meu coração doeu por Mal e Seong-Jae nos momentos finais desse episódio 11 😭😭😭😭😭😭
May 14, 2019
4.5 stars.
Things you’ve probably gathered by now:
• This is one of my favourite series.
• I sound like a stuck record after each episode.
Therefore, because I am being a complete and utter lazy arse, I recommend reading this for why. Oh, and maybe this one if you fancy it because people quite liked it too for some reason.
...you are the thing that gives me life.”
Anyhoo yes, my friends this series is that marvellous, Crescendo is another brilliant episode which leaves us dangling on a precipice and I’m off to see how it all plays out.
Things you’ve probably gathered by now:
• This is one of my favourite series.
• I sound like a stuck record after each episode.
Therefore, because I am being a complete and utter lazy arse, I recommend reading this for why. Oh, and maybe this one if you fancy it because people quite liked it too for some reason.
...you are the thing that gives me life.”
Anyhoo yes, my friends this series is that marvellous, Crescendo is another brilliant episode which leaves us dangling on a precipice and I’m off to see how it all plays out.
May 1, 2024
for the first half of the book, I was like:
then the last two chapters........
then the last two chapters........
July 25, 2021
⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Secrets Are Bad, Aren't They*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱
Well that's a cliffhanger. Good thing I can just jump to the next one straight away. That said, I kinda want to strangled both Mal and Seong-Jae. Though mostly Seong-Jea. Just fucking talking. The crime case was rather boring. And I'm hopeful that the Sila and Sade thing will be over soon. Getting kinda tired of being in the dark, just like poor Mal. Overall, I'm glad the book was on the shorter end. Longer and it would probably be some skimming.
And he did not know how he would continue to do this job, if he lost Malcolm. If he drove Malcolm away, with his silence and his secrets. He cared for the lives lost; he cared to see their murders solved.
But he no longer knew how he would face those empty faces that demanded an answer, a reason why they had to die…
…without his old wolf at his side.
That will not happen, he told himself. Malcolm was too loyal, too steadfast. He would not abandon Seong-Jae simply for his silence. He would not.
Or maybe that was simply what Seong-Jae needed to believe.
What he needed to believe in, when he could no longer believe in himself.
The Characters:
The list is a bit long so I've put it in a spoilers tag.
“Being around you makes me feel better about myself,” Seong-Jae retorted mildly. “Because it reminds me that I could be worse.”
“…you’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”
A faint smile flitted across Seong-Jae’s lips. “No, I am not.”
The damnable part was that he was right.
Quick basic facts:
Genre: - (Adult) Contemporary Romance (M/M).
Series: - Series, Book Eleven.
Love triangle? -
Cheating? -
HEA? -
Favorite character? - Malcolm ‘Mal’ Khalaji.
Would I read more by this author/or of series? - Yes, I think so.
Would I recommend this book/series? - Unsure.
Will I read this again in the future? - Unsure...
Rating - 3 stars.
November 19, 2020
I am coming away from this episode in tatters.
The cloud that’s been hanging over Malcolm and Seong-Jae is starting to darken and rumble and by the end it is ready to burst into a huge nasty storm.
Malcolm has long figured out that something’s afoot with Seong-Jae. Something that bothers him so much he is seriously affected by it physically. But Seong-Jae will not talk to him about it, or even acknowledge that something’s brewing between them because of it, and Malcolm is scared to mention it ... God, these two were driving me mad!
And it hurt to see how an invisible wall is slowly tearing them apart!
The crack, the unease in their relationship is tangible, visible and so well observed and written, my heart stuttered again and again.
And it’s all down to Seong-Jae’s secrets, the growing hold Sila’s presence has on his thoughts and emotions, and Malcolm trying to figure out how to cope with the whispers of secrets that turned into lies in the keeping.
As always Cole McCade knows exactly how to turn on the verbal thumb-screws onto us readers. But Oh. My. He does it so brilliantly and beautifully!
The intensity of Malcolm and Seong-Jae’s give and take, of their want and need, mixed with Malcolm’s hurt and suspicion and Seong-Jae’s downward spiral is fierce and overwhelming.
So we get stuff like this:
(Malcolm finally tells Seong-Jae what omr’an means) “It means .. it means you are the thing that gives me life. The life force that makes my heart beat.”
(Seong-Jae) “Do not let go, he whispered. “Do not ever let me go!”
But so many (and some old) doubts, too:
Malcolm wondered, then … Had he fallen in love with a lie?
“How much are you not telling me?”
“Yeah, As I say, “ Malcolm murmured. When what he really meant was I love you. I love you so much it’s killing me, and I don’t know what to do about it.
Seong-Jae: “You should not carry this for me. I cannot ever be good for you, but I am too selfish to let you go.”
He could only remember how long it (sex) had been, and wonder if somehow the boundaries he had laid down between them made Malcolm no longer want to bother at all.
“You never touch me anymore,”he said … Is it because I’m ace?”
The only time they have sex in this episode is heart-breaking. It is poignant and intense and filled with so much desperation and felt awfully like a good-bye or a last time.
This was more than pleasure. This was terror and wonder; this was breaking to pieces, and Malcolm barely felt the molten-tight grip of Seong-Jae’s body stroking around his cock when he was caught in the violence of their tandem heartbeats, the convulsions of their shuddering bodies, the straining limits they reached for again and again as they moved together, crashed and slammed and kissed and fought, wet with hunger and tongues dripping soundless damp words intermingled with broken cries. Malcolm didn’t know the pain of his heart from his body.
It is not exactly unexpected that this episode ends in tears and pain, but it hurt all the same!
So we are left high and dry and uneasy and sad.
Throw in an increasingly creepy Sila and the two end scenes, and you have got the mother of all cliff-hangers.
I feel emotionally exhausted (and that blooming bathroom scene did NOT help!), but I don’t believe for a second the worst is past. Imo we are heading into the eye of the storm and all I can hope is that Cole McCade ends this season in a way I can still go to sleep at night.
Thank God, we don’t have to wait too long for the continuation!
Glad that a few little sparks of humour lightened the descending dark:
.) Malcolm’s Facebook ‘interaction’ with Seong-Ja
.) the banter with Anjulie
.) Jensen Ackers (the name)
Sorry for ranting on here, but ‘One of the best series ever’!
*An ARC was provided by the author, publisher or a promotional service in exchange for an honest review*
The cloud that’s been hanging over Malcolm and Seong-Jae is starting to darken and rumble and by the end it is ready to burst into a huge nasty storm.
Malcolm has long figured out that something’s afoot with Seong-Jae. Something that bothers him so much he is seriously affected by it physically. But Seong-Jae will not talk to him about it, or even acknowledge that something’s brewing between them because of it, and Malcolm is scared to mention it ... God, these two were driving me mad!
And it hurt to see how an invisible wall is slowly tearing them apart!
The crack, the unease in their relationship is tangible, visible and so well observed and written, my heart stuttered again and again.
And it’s all down to Seong-Jae’s secrets, the growing hold Sila’s presence has on his thoughts and emotions, and Malcolm trying to figure out how to cope with the whispers of secrets that turned into lies in the keeping.
As always Cole McCade knows exactly how to turn on the verbal thumb-screws onto us readers. But Oh. My. He does it so brilliantly and beautifully!
The intensity of Malcolm and Seong-Jae’s give and take, of their want and need, mixed with Malcolm’s hurt and suspicion and Seong-Jae’s downward spiral is fierce and overwhelming.
So we get stuff like this:
(Malcolm finally tells Seong-Jae what omr’an means) “It means .. it means you are the thing that gives me life. The life force that makes my heart beat.”
(Seong-Jae) “Do not let go, he whispered. “Do not ever let me go!”
But so many (and some old) doubts, too:
Malcolm wondered, then … Had he fallen in love with a lie?
“How much are you not telling me?”
“Yeah, As I say, “ Malcolm murmured. When what he really meant was I love you. I love you so much it’s killing me, and I don’t know what to do about it.
Seong-Jae: “You should not carry this for me. I cannot ever be good for you, but I am too selfish to let you go.”
He could only remember how long it (sex) had been, and wonder if somehow the boundaries he had laid down between them made Malcolm no longer want to bother at all.
“You never touch me anymore,”he said … Is it because I’m ace?”
The only time they have sex in this episode is heart-breaking. It is poignant and intense and filled with so much desperation and felt awfully like a good-bye or a last time.
This was more than pleasure. This was terror and wonder; this was breaking to pieces, and Malcolm barely felt the molten-tight grip of Seong-Jae’s body stroking around his cock when he was caught in the violence of their tandem heartbeats, the convulsions of their shuddering bodies, the straining limits they reached for again and again as they moved together, crashed and slammed and kissed and fought, wet with hunger and tongues dripping soundless damp words intermingled with broken cries. Malcolm didn’t know the pain of his heart from his body.
It is not exactly unexpected that this episode ends in tears and pain, but it hurt all the same!
So we are left high and dry and uneasy and sad.
Throw in an increasingly creepy Sila and the two end scenes, and you have got the mother of all cliff-hangers.
I feel emotionally exhausted (and that blooming bathroom scene did NOT help!), but I don’t believe for a second the worst is past. Imo we are heading into the eye of the storm and all I can hope is that Cole McCade ends this season in a way I can still go to sleep at night.
Thank God, we don’t have to wait too long for the continuation!
Glad that a few little sparks of humour lightened the descending dark:
.) Malcolm’s Facebook ‘interaction’ with Seong-Ja
.) the banter with Anjulie
.) Jensen Ackers (the name)
Sorry for ranting on here, but ‘One of the best series ever’!
*An ARC was provided by the author, publisher or a promotional service in exchange for an honest review*
January 29, 2021
This is building up to something big. Very BIG!
May 11, 2019
Okay, first things first: WHEW, that wasn't as painful as I was expecting.
That is not to say that it wasn't painful, but I was expecting shit like Sila to show up and hurt Malcolm (he doesn't...yet). I'm not saying it's happy, because it isn't. Malcolm and Seong-Jae have got some problems and this ends with their relationship up in the air. I guess it didn't feel as painful for me because I believe these two can talk about this and work it out.
Sila, on the other hand...scares the crap out of me and waiting for that shit to hit the fan is what makes me tense, scared and very very not ready for the pain THAT will bring.
Seong-Jae, as much as I love the goof, continues to be obstinate about not telling Malcom the TRUTH. I feel like I'm yelling this at Seong-Jae every time the subject comes up (just with a him instead):
Honestly, it's getting ridiculous! Like how is NOT telling Malcolm about the CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER not the smart thing??? So Malcolm gets kept in the dark, and Sila, a man Seong-Jae knows is a psychopath and would do anything to hurt him, and Seong-Jae...doesn't think he'll go after Malcom? I want to shake Seong-Jae, like no boo boo, what is you doing??
Clearly, Seong-Jae doesn't know how to have a fully healthy relationship yet where you tell your SO about super important things like a psychopathic murderer who might come after them....*sigh* he's emotionally constipated, that's for sure. I have a feeling he'll feel he should have told Malcolm when Malcolm gets taken - not a spoiler, because it's in the blurb of the 13th book, check it.
The murder mystery of the week - month? ;P - was interesting and engaging and it was interesting to see Malcolm and Seong-Jae work on it with all this tension between them. Things aren't perfect rn but they still work SO well together and just bounce off each other perfectly. And they love each other so much, it's crazy. And I love how even with the tension building and shit, they still had their moments that were just so Malcolm and Seong-Jae.
The ending sucked, no question, but it wasn't quite as bad as I feared, so I'll take that as a win lol. NOW bring on the pain. Because Sila of course showed up at the end and promised that shit was gonna happen, so...here we go, kiddies. Buckle up.
I'm ready! (no I'm not *cries*)
That is not to say that it wasn't painful, but I was expecting shit like Sila to show up and hurt Malcolm (he doesn't...yet). I'm not saying it's happy, because it isn't. Malcolm and Seong-Jae have got some problems and this ends with their relationship up in the air. I guess it didn't feel as painful for me because I believe these two can talk about this and work it out.
Sila, on the other hand...scares the crap out of me and waiting for that shit to hit the fan is what makes me tense, scared and very very not ready for the pain THAT will bring.
Seong-Jae, as much as I love the goof, continues to be obstinate about not telling Malcom the TRUTH. I feel like I'm yelling this at Seong-Jae every time the subject comes up (just with a him instead):
Honestly, it's getting ridiculous! Like how is NOT telling Malcolm about the CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER not the smart thing??? So Malcolm gets kept in the dark, and Sila, a man Seong-Jae knows is a psychopath and would do anything to hurt him, and Seong-Jae...doesn't think he'll go after Malcom? I want to shake Seong-Jae, like no boo boo, what is you doing??
Clearly, Seong-Jae doesn't know how to have a fully healthy relationship yet where you tell your SO about super important things like a psychopathic murderer who might come after them....*sigh* he's emotionally constipated, that's for sure. I have a feeling he'll feel he should have told Malcolm when Malcolm gets taken - not a spoiler, because it's in the blurb of the 13th book, check it.
The murder mystery of the week - month? ;P - was interesting and engaging and it was interesting to see Malcolm and Seong-Jae work on it with all this tension between them. Things aren't perfect rn but they still work SO well together and just bounce off each other perfectly. And they love each other so much, it's crazy. And I love how even with the tension building and shit, they still had their moments that were just so Malcolm and Seong-Jae.
The ending sucked, no question, but it wasn't quite as bad as I feared, so I'll take that as a win lol. NOW bring on the pain. Because Sila of course showed up at the end and promised that shit was gonna happen, so...here we go, kiddies. Buckle up.
I'm ready! (no I'm not *cries*)
September 10, 2022
Reread #1
What amazing episode❤️
..............................................
This book broke my heart😭😭😭😭😭
SJ is distant and afraid.
Mal is scrambling for a solution, a way to get though to SJ, to make him talk and tell him what he has been hiding.
This book was like taking 1 step forword and 10 steps back.
God I looooove how these men communicate though. Even with the secrets, they still talk and listen to each other's fears.
Sade... I AM PISSED AT YOU
I want to know what's on this fiiiiiiiile.
Gahh. COLE YOU MEANIE.
ALSO... MAL WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD.
What amazing episode❤️
..............................................
This book broke my heart😭😭😭😭😭
SJ is distant and afraid.
Mal is scrambling for a solution, a way to get though to SJ, to make him talk and tell him what he has been hiding.
This book was like taking 1 step forword and 10 steps back.
God I looooove how these men communicate though. Even with the secrets, they still talk and listen to each other's fears.
Sade... I AM PISSED AT YOU
I want to know what's on this fiiiiiiiile.
Gahh. COLE YOU MEANIE.
ALSO... MAL WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD.
April 21, 2020
Damn.
Every time I pick this series up after neglecting it for far longer than I should, I find myself surprised by how good it is. How it's so well-written, tightly edited and perfectly paced. How much emotion gets packed into the love story.
You'd think I'd have learned by now. And that I would have learned not to let too much time pass between each installment. But that's the thing - Cole has woven such a great story that it feels like I only read the previous one last week (instead of months ago).
God, I love these two characters and how hard they work for their relationship. How much effort each of them is willing to expend. And that each of them is by no means perfect.
I kind of want to start the next one right away so I don't lose this awe, don't lose the momentum. But I have other challenges to read for and I know that I can pick up the next book and fall easily back into the swing of things without losing the threads. Can't wait to see what Sade is up to, whether (and how) Anjulie and Gabi go from roommates to something more (please let this be a thing!), and how our boys are gonna nail that fucker Sila. Plus, how Malcolm and Seoyong-Jae get their well-deserved Happily Ever After.
And that's another thing...I'm not even sure that's a done deal. Not yet. Which scares the ever-loving fuck out of me.
(Also, #Points! for the plot twist there because I thought I had this one figured out pretty definitively and, well...nope.)
Every time I pick this series up after neglecting it for far longer than I should, I find myself surprised by how good it is. How it's so well-written, tightly edited and perfectly paced. How much emotion gets packed into the love story.
You'd think I'd have learned by now. And that I would have learned not to let too much time pass between each installment. But that's the thing - Cole has woven such a great story that it feels like I only read the previous one last week (instead of months ago).
God, I love these two characters and how hard they work for their relationship. How much effort each of them is willing to expend. And that each of them is by no means perfect.
I kind of want to start the next one right away so I don't lose this awe, don't lose the momentum. But I have other challenges to read for and I know that I can pick up the next book and fall easily back into the swing of things without losing the threads. Can't wait to see what Sade is up to, whether (and how) Anjulie and Gabi go from roommates to something more (please let this be a thing!), and how our boys are gonna nail that fucker Sila. Plus, how Malcolm and Seoyong-Jae get their well-deserved Happily Ever After.
And that's another thing...I'm not even sure that's a done deal. Not yet. Which scares the ever-loving fuck out of me.
(Also, #Points! for the plot twist there because I thought I had this one figured out pretty definitively and, well...nope.)
May 28, 2021
4.5 stars 💫
Coleeeeee, just fix it. SJ and Mal are going to break up. 😱
I'm so scared to read the next one.
What did SJ do?? I'm having a panic attack now. (I'm being a little dramatic now 😒)
I'm on the team Mal’s. Mal is hurting. My heart aches for him. 😭 Omg. I want to hug him. I know Sade did the right thing. But it just, he needn’t stick his nose to anyone’s business. Still, that damn Sila guy gives me heart attacks.
Coleeeeee, just fix it. SJ and Mal are going to break up. 😱
I'm so scared to read the next one.
What did SJ do?? I'm having a panic attack now. (I'm being a little dramatic now 😒)
I'm on the team Mal’s. Mal is hurting. My heart aches for him. 😭 Omg. I want to hug him. I know Sade did the right thing. But it just, he needn’t stick his nose to anyone’s business. Still, that damn Sila guy gives me heart attacks.
April 15, 2020
I want to kill one of these guys and hug the other ...
Questions and Answers - we need some. And soon ... or else I don't know how things are going to turn out.
Mal isn't stupid ... he has heard things. There are clues. But he needs Seong-Jae to be the one to give him the answers. There has to be trust on both sides.
At one stage I was shouting at Mal, "Do it!", "Don't fucking do it." Jeez, I am losing my mind here!!
Onto the season finale ...
Oh, what a tangled web we weave ...
Had he fallen in love with a lie ...
Questions and Answers - we need some. And soon ... or else I don't know how things are going to turn out.
Mal isn't stupid ... he has heard things. There are clues. But he needs Seong-Jae to be the one to give him the answers. There has to be trust on both sides.
... the scents of diesel and smoke, haunting him as deeply as the bitter salt taste of tears.
At one stage I was shouting at Mal, "Do it!", "Don't fucking do it." Jeez, I am losing my mind here!!
"Sleep well ..."
Onto the season finale ...
Oh, what a tangled web we weave ...
July 24, 2025
4.0 ⭐️
March 18, 2023
This was giving "filler book before the finale" but I'm still such a sucker for these characters soooo I ate it up.
First of all, the emotional tension..Malcolm trying so hard to be understanding and being scared to ask, Seong Jae blocking him out and being scared to answer. Like objectively, I get it. But I was in PAIN like goddamn. Cole does a great job of showing the underlying turmoil and how secrets are pulling them apart while still making it so clear that they should be together. The angst is still very much in character and makes sense for where they're both at, especially given Seong-Jae's relationship history. So when they're being frustrating, it's not to the point where I'm like "at this point, break up." Ultimately, I'm rooting for them to work through it, which is a testament to the writing imo. I don't talk a lot about the moments of humor in this series, but they were much appreciated in this book.
I appreciated how the police brutality situation isn't just glossed over and carries over into this book. Actually liked the case in this one well enough too. All that aside, I wanted a bit more from this book. More from side characters maybe? More Sila? Just more actual movement beyond Malcolm and Seong-Jae avoiding hard conversations yknow? Maybe I'm just impatient and want answers lol but idk I felt like I needed something else to push the larger plot forward
The ending...I don't wanna talk about it😭 at least Sade realized they fucked up. But anyway I'm excited to see how all the pieces start coming together in the next 2 books!
First of all, the emotional tension..Malcolm trying so hard to be understanding and being scared to ask, Seong Jae blocking him out and being scared to answer. Like objectively, I get it. But I was in PAIN like goddamn. Cole does a great job of showing the underlying turmoil and how secrets are pulling them apart while still making it so clear that they should be together. The angst is still very much in character and makes sense for where they're both at, especially given Seong-Jae's relationship history. So when they're being frustrating, it's not to the point where I'm like "at this point, break up." Ultimately, I'm rooting for them to work through it, which is a testament to the writing imo. I don't talk a lot about the moments of humor in this series, but they were much appreciated in this book.
I appreciated how the police brutality situation isn't just glossed over and carries over into this book. Actually liked the case in this one well enough too. All that aside, I wanted a bit more from this book. More from side characters maybe? More Sila? Just more actual movement beyond Malcolm and Seong-Jae avoiding hard conversations yknow? Maybe I'm just impatient and want answers lol but idk I felt like I needed something else to push the larger plot forward
The ending...I don't wanna talk about it😭 at least Sade realized they fucked up. But anyway I'm excited to see how all the pieces start coming together in the next 2 books!
June 29, 2021
I seriously want to slap Seong-Jae upside the head till his brain rattles. He's broken my damn 5* run with his ridiculous crass stupidity, what a dick he's being. That fool best get grovelling so I can get back on my 5* run again.
Thank goodness for our Mal, love him to bits. That man deserves a medal bigger than the dickhead that he loves to let Seong-Jae wound and eviscerate him like he's doing.
Thank goodness for our Mal, love him to bits. That man deserves a medal bigger than the dickhead that he loves to let Seong-Jae wound and eviscerate him like he's doing.
November 19, 2020
Not much to say apart from, WTF Seong-Jae!!! 😡
June 16, 2021
ugh i’m in pain.
i feel sorry for seong-jae obviously, but mal… my dear mal… he’s trying SO hard, it’s truly insane how patient and understanding that man is. 💔
so far sila just seems to be enjoying ruining everything from a distance mostly. but i’m pretty sure that’ll change soon. as a character he’s super intriguing though👀 (y’all know i always love the psychotic ones)
really curious how the next two episodes will wrap up the season. this is a fucking great series, i’m in love with both malcolm and seong-jae both separately and together. that’s all.
i feel sorry for seong-jae obviously, but mal… my dear mal… he’s trying SO hard, it’s truly insane how patient and understanding that man is. 💔
so far sila just seems to be enjoying ruining everything from a distance mostly. but i’m pretty sure that’ll change soon. as a character he’s super intriguing though👀 (y’all know i always love the psychotic ones)
really curious how the next two episodes will wrap up the season. this is a fucking great series, i’m in love with both malcolm and seong-jae both separately and together. that’s all.
May 13, 2019
The story is getting more intense by the minute! I can taste it! Both Malcolm and Seong-Jae are circling around each other - one is scared to ask and the other is scared to have to answer the inevitable questions. They pretend that everything is as it should be but the facade is quickly crumbling. Malcolm is at a loss about how to keep Seong-Jae from bolting, and Seong-Jae is ready to snap mentally and physically.
It is right there - the big elephant in the room but both men cling to any shred of normalcy they can. There are moments when they seek each other out for support but they are few and far between. It doesn't help that Seong-Jae is craving again, that Sila is getting too close and that he doesn't know how to keep Malcolm safe except with distance. This was very emotionally charged read, I could cut the anticipation in the air with a knife. The ending left me on edge honestly, as if I want to know the truth but a little bit scared (good scared though) to know!
The case this time was very interesting. I loved reading about temperamental actors, the theater scene, and how Malcolm and Seong-Jae worked together to discover if this murder was the case of mistaken identity or mad obsession. I so didn't see the outcome coming but I thoroughly enjoyed it. The brief verbal sparring with Anjulie was very amusing and kept both Malcolm and Seong-Jae on their toes, and smattering of humor that was so typical of both men lightened the dark mood of the story. All in all, this was awesome! I loved how the author left it the end. Just whetted my appetite! I am ready for the next one!
It is right there - the big elephant in the room but both men cling to any shred of normalcy they can. There are moments when they seek each other out for support but they are few and far between. It doesn't help that Seong-Jae is craving again, that Sila is getting too close and that he doesn't know how to keep Malcolm safe except with distance. This was very emotionally charged read, I could cut the anticipation in the air with a knife. The ending left me on edge honestly, as if I want to know the truth but a little bit scared (good scared though) to know!
The case this time was very interesting. I loved reading about temperamental actors, the theater scene, and how Malcolm and Seong-Jae worked together to discover if this murder was the case of mistaken identity or mad obsession. I so didn't see the outcome coming but I thoroughly enjoyed it. The brief verbal sparring with Anjulie was very amusing and kept both Malcolm and Seong-Jae on their toes, and smattering of humor that was so typical of both men lightened the dark mood of the story. All in all, this was awesome! I loved how the author left it the end. Just whetted my appetite! I am ready for the next one!
September 16, 2020
I have to be honest.
This wasn’t my favourite. I like Malcom and Seong-Jae together and strong.
I know, I know Sila is looming and we’re heading for trouble. But I didn’t like the divide that’s opening up between them.
Also the actual crime element wasn’t that strong.
But it’s straight onto the next one for me now.
November 4, 2021
4 stars
Okay, phew, gather around, you guys. It’s been more than a month since I read book 10. I kinda went off route and discovered other novels while this had been on hold. So I guess I probably lost some of the feel I would I have got had I simply continued…? But nevertheless, this book dealt with Malcolm’s empty heartache and SeongJae hiding things. It was perturbing and heartbreaking still, to witness them dancing around the big question and hurting themselves in the process.
The case in this particular episode was nothing exceptional, you know? Like they made out someone to be the potential culprit but it turned out to be someone else all along. It was perceptible at some point and didn’t come as a shock, so that was a let-down in a way. McCade’s writing was excellent though. Simply exquisite adjectives and words were used to portray SeongJae and Malcolm’s thoughts and emotions. Seriously, though you give me material like that to swoon over and I’ll really won’t be able to handle it someday. That was a compliment.
Sade? Um, really? What do they mean now😩😩😩?
And oh!! The Q&A was hilarious this time. The questions were to the point. Exactly what I wanted to ask. He did a good job of answering them too!! I look forward to all the Q&As in the upcoming books.
Okay, phew, gather around, you guys. It’s been more than a month since I read book 10. I kinda went off route and discovered other novels while this had been on hold. So I guess I probably lost some of the feel I would I have got had I simply continued…? But nevertheless, this book dealt with Malcolm’s empty heartache and SeongJae hiding things. It was perturbing and heartbreaking still, to witness them dancing around the big question and hurting themselves in the process.
The case in this particular episode was nothing exceptional, you know? Like they made out someone to be the potential culprit but it turned out to be someone else all along. It was perceptible at some point and didn’t come as a shock, so that was a let-down in a way. McCade’s writing was excellent though. Simply exquisite adjectives and words were used to portray SeongJae and Malcolm’s thoughts and emotions. Seriously, though you give me material like that to swoon over and I’ll really won’t be able to handle it someday. That was a compliment.
Sade? Um, really? What do they mean now😩😩😩?
And oh!! The Q&A was hilarious this time. The questions were to the point. Exactly what I wanted to ask. He did a good job of answering them too!! I look forward to all the Q&As in the upcoming books.
September 24, 2020
This is a prelude to the clusterfuck that's coming and I'm ready, but at the same time I'm not! My heart. 😫😔
Important things that happened:
- Seong Jae's stress is coming out of him fucking with his addiction and he's starting to crave drugs again, he has self control so nothing bad happens, but Malcolm wants to know what triggered it and Seong Jae doesn't want to tell. No surprises there.
- Malcolm is hurt, he's in love and in pain, he watches Seong Jae destroy himself and put him at arms length. In this one I wanted to bubble wrap him.
- The mystery was a very simple one, what stood out for me was that the author showed that the Asian culture in general is similar in the aspect that they don't Iike to tell people when they are suffering, because they think is a burden. Seong Jae does it and in here Ito did it. So it was an interesting point the author made.
- Saranghae, wich is written here as Sa-lan-hae, means I love you in Korean. As an avid Kdrama fan, I know the international community writes it as Saranghae because even though the Korean alphabet doesn't have an "R" they do pronounce it sometimes and this one is the case. Why the fuck neither of them say it it's making me really pised!
- I had forgotten to write it on my last reviews but yeah, fucking Malcolm slept with Silas and I know, I JUST FUCKING KNOW!! That that's going to fuck with Seong Jae's mind. Jesus take the wheel.
- Silas is sick. Thats my last point.
I'm going to start the next one, may the odds be ever in my favor. 😫🥰❤
Important things that happened:
- Seong Jae's stress is coming out of him fucking with his addiction and he's starting to crave drugs again, he has self control so nothing bad happens, but Malcolm wants to know what triggered it and Seong Jae doesn't want to tell. No surprises there.
- Malcolm is hurt, he's in love and in pain, he watches Seong Jae destroy himself and put him at arms length. In this one I wanted to bubble wrap him.
- The mystery was a very simple one, what stood out for me was that the author showed that the Asian culture in general is similar in the aspect that they don't Iike to tell people when they are suffering, because they think is a burden. Seong Jae does it and in here Ito did it. So it was an interesting point the author made.
- Saranghae, wich is written here as Sa-lan-hae, means I love you in Korean. As an avid Kdrama fan, I know the international community writes it as Saranghae because even though the Korean alphabet doesn't have an "R" they do pronounce it sometimes and this one is the case. Why the fuck neither of them say it it's making me really pised!
- I had forgotten to write it on my last reviews but yeah, fucking Malcolm slept with Silas and I know, I JUST FUCKING KNOW!! That that's going to fuck with Seong Jae's mind. Jesus take the wheel.
- Silas is sick. Thats my last point.
I'm going to start the next one, may the odds be ever in my favor. 😫🥰❤
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 22, 2021
𝟬𝟱/𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟬 ~ 𝟱 ✩
𝟭𝟬/𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟭 ~ 𝟯.𝟱 ✩
𝗠𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗠𝗼𝗼𝗱 ♫
— 𝗡𝗼𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆
Oof. That hurt. I - hmm. I'm gonna be honest, I actively dislike when Seong-JaeMal fight. I just… don't like it. It doesn't feel right, and it throws off the whole dynamic of the book. Also, I was this close to reaching into the book and throttling Seong-Jae. I - *sigh*
Overall, this book was nice, but it was also tense… crescendo indeed. There was this palpable tension between Seong-Jae and Malcolm, and idk… I just wish they'd communicate. Like - stop fighting please. Tbh, I cannot with the whole "i'm gonna keep secrets for your own good" trope. Just… negative. Stop it, please. Oh and Sade? mind your business.
Plus, it really didn't help that the case was a bit of snooze fest and also kind of random, not gonna lie. I'm pretty surprised I rated this one five stars last time… lmao, i guess i used to be a lot easier to please way back when.
┍━━━━━✧✦━━━━━┑
𝗖𝗥𝗜𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗔𝗟 𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦: 𝗦𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗢𝗡 𝗢𝗡𝗘
𝟭. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗶𝗴𝗮𝗻𝘀 - 𝟰.𝟱 ✩
𝟮. 𝗝𝘂𝗻𝗸 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝗽 𝗕𝗹𝘂𝗲𝘀 - 𝟯.𝟱 ✩
𝟯. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗠𝗮𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗚𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝗘𝘆𝗲 - 𝟰 ✩
𝟰. 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗙𝗮𝗰𝗲𝘀 - 𝟰.𝟲 ✩
𝟱. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗰𝗿𝗮𝗳𝘁 - 𝟱 ✩
𝟲. 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝗦𝗺𝗼𝗸𝗲 - 𝟰 ✩
𝟳. 𝗖𝘂𝗹𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 - 𝟰.𝟮𝟱 ✩
𝟴. 𝗖𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗗𝗮𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗲 - 𝟰.𝟳𝟱/𝟱 ✩
𝟵. 𝗔 𝗦𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗹𝗲 𝗕𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗖𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗹𝗲'𝘀 𝗙𝗹𝗮𝗺𝗲 - 𝟰.𝟮𝟱 ✩
𝟭𝟬. 𝗕𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗱𝗿𝗮𝗳𝘁 - 𝟰.𝟱 ✩
𝟭𝟭. 𝗖𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗼 - 𝟯.𝟱 ✩
𝟭𝟮. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗛𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿'𝘀 𝗚𝗮𝗺𝗲: 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗜 - 𝟯.𝟮𝟱 ✩
𝟭𝟯. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗛𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿'𝘀 𝗚𝗮𝗺𝗲: 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗜𝗜 - 𝟰 ✩
┕━━━━━✧✦━━━━━┙
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(original review - may 17, 2020)
That ending had me crying and desperately getting the last two book in season one!
First off I'm not sure if this will be a review more like a compilation of my favorite Mal and Seong-Jae moments! Basically throughout this entire book I kept waiting for one of them to break and talk to each other......yet at the same time I knew when they did finally talk to each other it would end in an explosive argument so I was super afraid. Ugh damn you Sade for sticking your nose where it didn't belong! Also Seong-Jae MOTHERFREAKING TALK TO MAL!!! Like that man freaking loves you and would do anything for you! And honestly this book cemented my love for Malcolm. He truly is the heartbeat of this series!! I'd say Mal it the heart and Seong-Jae is the soul. <3
For such an unobtrusive man, Seong-Jae was entirely shameless about deciding that once he’d claimed someone, their space was his.
Malcolm started to turn away—then stilled, blinking. “Did…did you just reference The Princess Bride?” “What?” Seong-Jae blinked back, then scowled, black and fierce. “What. Seong-Ja has made me watch it five hundred times.” His mouth set in deep lines of displeasure. “I hate it.” “…sure you do.”
“You are short.” “Six feet is not short, asshole.” “It is when I am six foot three.”
And after a few seconds longer, Seong-Jae just laid his head to Malcolm’s shoulder, curling one wet hand against his naked chest. “…as you say.” “Yeah. As I say,” Malcolm murmured. When what he really meant was I love you. I love you so much it’s killing me, and I don’t know what to do about it.
“Are you logged into your email on my computer?” “Do not be ridiculous,” Seong-Jae answered. “I am reading your email.” “…goddammit, Seong-Jae.”
“Do not let go,” he whispered. “Do not ever let me go.”
I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you like I have loved nothing and no one else… …and it terrifies me.
This book was amazing and I loved it even if I wanted to scream at Seong-Jae for causing Mal remotely any type of hurt!! These two are just so great together!
𝟭𝟬/𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟭 ~ 𝟯.𝟱 ✩
❝Just…stay, Seong-Jae. Stay a few moments longer.❞
❝Ah,❞ Seong-Jae whispered, and curled one hand against Malcolm’s thigh, leaning into him just a little more. ❝As you say.❞
𝗠𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗠𝗼𝗼𝗱 ♫
— 𝗡𝗼𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆
Oof. That hurt. I - hmm. I'm gonna be honest, I actively dislike when Seong-JaeMal fight. I just… don't like it. It doesn't feel right, and it throws off the whole dynamic of the book. Also, I was this close to reaching into the book and throttling Seong-Jae. I - *sigh*
Overall, this book was nice, but it was also tense… crescendo indeed. There was this palpable tension between Seong-Jae and Malcolm, and idk… I just wish they'd communicate. Like - stop fighting please. Tbh, I cannot with the whole "i'm gonna keep secrets for your own good" trope. Just… negative. Stop it, please. Oh and Sade? mind your business.
Plus, it really didn't help that the case was a bit of snooze fest and also kind of random, not gonna lie. I'm pretty surprised I rated this one five stars last time… lmao, i guess i used to be a lot easier to please way back when.
❝If you want to sit this ou—❞
❝Stop. Babying. Me,❞ Seong-Jae growled, and Malcolm smirked.
❝…you don’t mind it as much as you pretend.❞
Narrowing his eyes, Seong-Jae caught Malcolm’s tie and jerked him closer, glowering. ❝Test me.❞
With a low, pleased sound, husky and dark, Malcolm leaned into him. ❝Foreplay in public?❞ he purred. ❝Really?❞
┍━━━━━✧✦━━━━━┑
𝗖𝗥𝗜𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗔𝗟 𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦: 𝗦𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗢𝗡 𝗢𝗡𝗘
𝟭. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗶𝗴𝗮𝗻𝘀 - 𝟰.𝟱 ✩
𝟮. 𝗝𝘂𝗻𝗸 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝗽 𝗕𝗹𝘂𝗲𝘀 - 𝟯.𝟱 ✩
𝟯. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗠𝗮𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗚𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝗘𝘆𝗲 - 𝟰 ✩
𝟰. 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗙𝗮𝗰𝗲𝘀 - 𝟰.𝟲 ✩
𝟱. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗰𝗿𝗮𝗳𝘁 - 𝟱 ✩
𝟲. 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝗦𝗺𝗼𝗸𝗲 - 𝟰 ✩
𝟳. 𝗖𝘂𝗹𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 - 𝟰.𝟮𝟱 ✩
𝟴. 𝗖𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗗𝗮𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗲 - 𝟰.𝟳𝟱/𝟱 ✩
𝟵. 𝗔 𝗦𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗹𝗲 𝗕𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗖𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗹𝗲'𝘀 𝗙𝗹𝗮𝗺𝗲 - 𝟰.𝟮𝟱 ✩
𝟭𝟬. 𝗕𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗱𝗿𝗮𝗳𝘁 - 𝟰.𝟱 ✩
𝟭𝟭. 𝗖𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗼 - 𝟯.𝟱 ✩
𝟭𝟮. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗛𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿'𝘀 𝗚𝗮𝗺𝗲: 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗜 - 𝟯.𝟮𝟱 ✩
𝟭𝟯. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗛𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿'𝘀 𝗚𝗮𝗺𝗲: 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗜𝗜 - 𝟰 ✩
┕━━━━━✧✦━━━━━┙
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(original review - may 17, 2020)
That ending had me crying and desperately getting the last two book in season one!
First off I'm not sure if this will be a review more like a compilation of my favorite Mal and Seong-Jae moments! Basically throughout this entire book I kept waiting for one of them to break and talk to each other......yet at the same time I knew when they did finally talk to each other it would end in an explosive argument so I was super afraid. Ugh damn you Sade for sticking your nose where it didn't belong! Also Seong-Jae MOTHERFREAKING TALK TO MAL!!! Like that man freaking loves you and would do anything for you! And honestly this book cemented my love for Malcolm. He truly is the heartbeat of this series!! I'd say Mal it the heart and Seong-Jae is the soul. <3
For such an unobtrusive man, Seong-Jae was entirely shameless about deciding that once he’d claimed someone, their space was his.
Malcolm started to turn away—then stilled, blinking. “Did…did you just reference The Princess Bride?” “What?” Seong-Jae blinked back, then scowled, black and fierce. “What. Seong-Ja has made me watch it five hundred times.” His mouth set in deep lines of displeasure. “I hate it.” “…sure you do.”
“You are short.” “Six feet is not short, asshole.” “It is when I am six foot three.”
And after a few seconds longer, Seong-Jae just laid his head to Malcolm’s shoulder, curling one wet hand against his naked chest. “…as you say.” “Yeah. As I say,” Malcolm murmured. When what he really meant was I love you. I love you so much it’s killing me, and I don’t know what to do about it.
“Are you logged into your email on my computer?” “Do not be ridiculous,” Seong-Jae answered. “I am reading your email.” “…goddammit, Seong-Jae.”
“Do not let go,” he whispered. “Do not ever let me go.”
I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you like I have loved nothing and no one else… …and it terrifies me.
This book was amazing and I loved it even if I wanted to scream at Seong-Jae for causing Mal remotely any type of hurt!! These two are just so great together!
January 11, 2021
I don't know what's happening with Sila. Sometimes it sounds like he's obsessed with Seong-Jae but sometimes it sounds like he shifted his obsession to Malcolm. It's getting very confusing. Actually the whole situation is very confusing. I thought Sade was protecting Malcolm from Huang at first, then the whole criminal thing and now...I'm not actually sure anymore.
And I still don't know what was in the file. Which is getting bloody frustrating by the way.
And who the fuck is Sila in the first place? I feel like everything I surmised till where I've read just got blown to bits.
And Seong-Jae. It's like his whole mission in life is to hurt Malcolm as much as possible. I am almost scared to know anymore of what's going to happen between him and Malcolm. A warning should definitely come attached with this series: the strong feeling to strangle someone (preferably Seong-Jae) is perfectly normal.
And I still don't know what was in the file. Which is getting bloody frustrating by the way.
And who the fuck is Sila in the first place? I feel like everything I surmised till where I've read just got blown to bits.
And Seong-Jae. It's like his whole mission in life is to hurt Malcolm as much as possible. I am almost scared to know anymore of what's going to happen between him and Malcolm. A warning should definitely come attached with this series: the strong feeling to strangle someone (preferably Seong-Jae) is perfectly normal.
July 2, 2023
Part of the afterword:
You are not defined by someone else’s feelings for you.
You are more than who finds you attractive.
You are every hobby you enjoy, every success you’ve achieved, every failure you’ve learned from. You are every moment of wonder you’ve ever experienced. You are your goals, your ambitions, your dreams, whether you dream of a star-studded career or dream of just having some quiet downtime to play Mario Kart with your friends. You are and always have been the love you give yourself, long before anyone else’s love entered the picture.
And I always believe we should love ourselves enough that someone else’s love is an option, not a necessity.
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