Connecting with Coincidence: The New Science for Using Synchronicity and Serendipity in Your Life

by Bernard D. Beitman, MD, Stephen Paul Aulridge (Narrator)

We've all experienced or heard of surprising events and unexplainable coincidences money that seems to come from nowhere, a spontaneous idea that turns into a life-changing solution, meeting our soulmate on a flight we weren't supposed to take, or families being reunited by "accident" after years of separation. Often these coincidences are explained as being controlled by a higher power or pure chance. But for the first time since Carl Jung's work, comes bold new research that explains scientifically how we can identify, understand, and perhaps even control the frequency of coincidences in our everyday lives.

Bernard Beitman, a leading expert on Coincidence Studies, proposes a greater personal responsibility which depends partly upon newly discovered "grid cells" located in the brain, near the hippocampus. But neuroscience cannot complete the entire puzzle, and in this fascinating guide, Beitman provides the missing piece. From analyzing true stories of synchronicity from around the globe and throughout history, he shares key personality characteristics and situational factors that contribute to the occurrence of meaningful coincidences in our lives. Where other books on coincidences tend to be theoretical, inspirational, or story collections only, Beitman's book is the first to provide a scientific understanding and practical ways in which readers can use them in their own lives. He reveals: How to activate your observing self so you don't miss synchronistic moments How serendipity can offer insights into solving problems or making difficult decisions Why stress activates meaningful coincidences Which states of mind impede our ability to experience synchronicity How to interpret the meaning of a coincidence Why being attuned to coincidences is a learned skill and how to hone your sensitivity.

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Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help

Audible Audio

First published March 7, 2016

About the author

BERNARD BEITMAN, M.D., is Founding Director of The Coincidence Project which encourages people to tell each other their coincidence stories. His book, Meaningful Coincidences: How and Why Serendipity and Synchronicity Happen (September 13, 2022) comprehensively describes their wide range of uses and explanations. The book serves as a personal guide to using synchronicities and serendipities.

He is former chair of Psychiatry at the University of Missouri-Columbia and has a private practice in Charlottesville, Virginia.

His manual Learning Psychotherapy received two national awards for its unique interactive training program for psychiatric residents. He is internationally known for research in panic disorder and chest pain and has edited several books about how to integrate pharmacotherapy and psychotherapy.

He went to Swarthmore College, Yale Medical School, and did his psychiatric residency at Stanford. He was captain of the baseball team in high school and college. He was scouted by the Oakland Raiders pro football team, tried out for the Pittsburg Pirates pro baseball team and played rugby at Yale and in San Francisco.

The stories in his first book Connecting with Coincidence (2016) illustrate how meaningful coincidences can be useful in most aspects of life.

Reviews

[Andrea Norton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of Connecting with Coincidence from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

We've all had something strange happen to us that just doesn't make sense - something or someone just seems to fall into our laps, and no matter how we try to make sense of it, nothing can explain it except coincidence.

For many years, I prayed to God to get me out of the relationship that led to my first marriage. Nothing happened, and I didn't do anything to help myself. I settled in, resigned to the life I had. Then, in September 2010, two weeks before I was getting married, my best friend begged me to go to a bar with her. Her family from the east coast was in town and she wanted me to meet them.

I did not want to go anywhere that night. I was tired and crabby. So, of course, I went. I knew the bar well, we were regulars at the time. I dragged myself in and she found me, pulling me along to meet her cousins.

That night, I met Sean, my current husband. He was not supposed to be there. He wasn't supposed to be out of the city he was living in, let alone in another state (military rules). Yet, he was there. He says that he had to come to my state. He didn't know why, but he felt like he had to be here.

This is one of those time stops situations. We met and everything stood still. Normally, if I don't want to go somewhere, I don't go. Yet I went that night. Everything stopped the second we met, and we both knew it was all over for us - we were meant to be together.

We ended up not talking for a year and both went crazy. The pull was too powerful and it drew us back together, and here we are. We had one person in common - my best friend who is his cousin. There is no rhyme or reason for us being where we were at the same time. So many factors had to come into play for this to happen, and so much was working against us.

Sean and I have gone over this so many times, trying to figure it out. All we can come up with is my prayer was answered and I was smart enough to go out that night, and he broke a rule to follow a pull - but is that a coincidence?

This book will answer that question and many more. Backed by real-world stories, long studies and science, you'll learn just how coincidence plays a role in life and how you can increase that chances of things happening to you.

There is an exploration on lucky people vs. unlucky people, and if coincidence plays a role here. Any situation you can imagine - money, medical, love - is examined. You will learn just how connected people are and in what ways.

One thing you won't get is this: you are not told what to believe. It's up to you, and you will have plenty of evidence to consider your decision. All sides are examined, there is no bias here. Mr. Beitman tells you his story and his view but he does not push it on you and he doesn't hide anything from you.

Although this is a serious book, it's a lot of fun, too. I'd recommend this to anyone looking to answer the question of coincidence and those interested in psychology. I enjoyed where my thoughts went with this one, and I feel like I've had some questions answered.

[Laura Spira · Rating 2 out of 5]

As someone whose life has been full of coincidences, ranging from the trivial (e.g. meeting a friend unexpectedly in a distant country), to the life changing (a significant career shift resulting from a coincidence about a name) I was very interested to read this book. It promised some theorising about how coincidence happens and ways to use coincidence but it was ultimately a disappointment.

The first part of the book details many anecdotes about coincidence. I found these became very boring: it seems that, for me, coincidence is only interesting in context and I need to know a bit about the person experiencing it. The section setting out explanatory theories seemed to swing about between science, pseudoscience and religion rather unsatisfactorily: all this did was confirm that coincidence is not readily explained. The discussion of how one might open oneself to experiencing coincidence was also a little thin although I can see how the author, a psychiatrist, can find such an approach useful in helping patients - it is an engaging way of prompting self-reflection.

I would have liked to see more discussion of the broader consequences of coincidence. The author assumes that experiencing it leads to positive outcomes, although there is a very short section about potential negative consequences.

I think the book has been designed as a self-help book. My Netgalley electronic copy did not display the "lightbulb" highlights properly so it was not easy to see what readers were being prompted to do in each section but the questionnaire at the end which would help to identify the reader's sensitivity to coincidence could be useful.

[Denise · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've had so many coincidence in my life that I can no longer consider them random. This is an interesting book full of stories about synchronicities, many of which would be hard to explain away with statistics. The author theorizes that "energy-information" (E-I: some would say The Force, The Field, Chi, etc.) can be converted into neuroelectrical impulses perceived by brain receptors, which make them understandable to the subconscious. In studying cases of synchronicity, Beitman finds four common denominators at work: the person is in a state of transition, is seeking for a solution or for meaning in life, his/her emotions are running high, and he/she has a need for something specific, which the coincidence will provide either directly or indirectly.

[SundayAtDusk · Rating 3 out of 5]

In Connecting with Coincidence: The New Science for Using Synchronicity and Serendipity in Your Life, Bernard Beitman is covering a lot of things in life under the umbrella of “coincidence”, including things many would not associate with the word. For example, he starts off the book describing how he found himself violently choking one day for no reason in his California home, only to find out later that his father in Delaware was choking to death at the exact same time. While some would see that more as a type of telepathy, not a coincidence, the author has coined a new word to describe such incidents–simulpathity. It means “feeling the pain of a loved one at a distance”. Of course, although it’s a new word, what it is defining has been happening forever with humans, especially between mothers and children, as well as between twins.

Dr. Beitman then continues going on in all sorts of directions from trivial things like knowing who is calling you on the phone before you answer, or running into a friend you were thinking about; to important things like getting money you desperately need, or discovering solutions to health problems. Throw in references to individuals such as Carl Jung, Edgar Cayce and Rhonda Byrne, and you really do have a hodgepodge of a book. It was not so much confusing as it was tiresome after a while. Moreover, the good doctor believes that there is such a thing as coincidence sensitivity and insensitivity, and maybe some individuals might benefit from finding a therapist to help them understand their sensitivity or insensitivity. Seriously? Do we really need a new psychological issue in life that might require therapy? Is “coincidence insensitivity” going to end up in the DSM one day?

Talking of which, there is a test/survey in the book, as well as at the author’s coincidence website, that you can take to see how sensitive you are to coincidences. After answering the questions, I discovered I was “ultra-insensitive” or “ultra-closed” to coincidences. Only, that’s not totally true. I’ve read many books on coincidences, kept synchronicity journals, and have always noticed that the more you notice synchronicity, the more synchronized things happen. In my opinion, more than half of the questions on Dr. Beitman’s test/survey are about totally trivial things that would be a waste of time even noticing; while the rest of the questions appear to be about the type of coincidences the doctor personally has experienced, which are somewhat limited.

However, I do personally believe if you continuously paid attention to all the coincidences in your life, all the synchronicity, you might very well end up needing therapy! It could so easily become a neurosis. In addition, Dr. Beitman is proposing it’s our own feelings, wishes, prayers, thoughts and actions that create the coincidences in our lives. Thanks, but no thanks. In my opinion, it’s best the thoughts about coincidences stay in the background of one’s mind, not the foreground. Moreover, we certainly don’t need a new psychological problem, and definitely don’t need to feel we are not only guilty for failing to notice coincidences, but also guilty for failing to make them happen more often. Guilty or insensitive, in need of a therapist. Seeing it that way would sadly take away all the specialness of synchronicity.

(Note: I received a free e-copy of this book from NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review.)

[Kathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok you know those nights when insomnia strikes and you finally give in and find a diversion? Like weird late night radio talk shows. I’m looking at you Coast to Coast. Well, that’s why I tracked down a copy of this book. I heard the host interviewing the author and was intrigued by the idea that there is more to coincidence than, er, coincidence? The author related his experience of nearly choking to death at a specific time one night while living in San Francisco only to learn the next morning from his brother that their father had died at that exact moment on the East Coast. His father apparently choked on his own blood. That sent chills down my spine TBH. Other anecdotal incidents were also discussed and it was enough to whet my appetite.

Unfortunately, those anecdotes were the best part of the book for me. The author is a psychiatrist and uses his scientific background to connect coincidence, synchronicity, and serendipitous events with something more meaningful in the human experience. However, his little light bulb notes/suggestions on how to “use” those coincidences in your romance or work or family life fell flat with me. I guess I’m more with the “go with the flow” type when I’m thinking of a song and it comes on immediately after I think about it. Or like the time when my husband and I were taking a trip up the east coast and his carryall was “lost” (which had all our travelers checks, papers, IDs, etc. inside) and the phone at the hotel rings just as I’m pressing the PANIC button. It was my mom wanting to make sure I was OK, that she’d had a strange feeling that I was in “trouble”, that I “needed help.” Well. That was a true goose bump moment and one that I’ll never forget. As a side note the carryall was not “lost.” The maid service had come to clean, noticed the lone carryall, assumed we had checked out (we had loaded all our luggage except that piece in readiness btw) and turned it in to the manger’s office. All was well after all. And I was soothed by Mom so win/win.

Lesson learned: Don’t get a wild hair about a book when you’re sleep deprived. Let it marinate a while before you go chasing after it. After all, the best part of the book is probably the part you hear in the interview. Oh wellllll......

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read in conjunction with a class the author gave.....fascinating and very readable!

[Roger · Rating 4 out of 5]

The very interesting research work of Bernard D. Beitman, MD. About emerging field of coincidence studies, such as the synchronicities that occur to us at crucial times, that have important meaning and that can impact us to transform our lives, and even to save our lives or those of our loved ones.
We can find interesting information from serious research in psychiatry, psychology and probability theories that can explain this phenomenon, without ruling out the belief of many people that they are a guide and help of a superior intelligence. The second part describes the essential characteristics to occur, the factors and the necessary mental state that allows us to experience them more frequently.
Finally in the third part he talks about a more novel and fascinating theory about the existence of a Psychosphere, "interconnection of all things, a densely woven mental web", and that extends the concept of Jung's collective unconscious. The author explains that our senses are not completely understood by science, and with that premise invites us to consider that there can be subtle energies emanating that we are able to perceive. There is a possibility that we have receptors for a rich variety of energies and that our brain is capable of processing those forms of information. These different receptors can be based on ancestral mechanisms that have evolved in other living beings, we have inherited them and we are recognizing them again.
(This reminds me that in 1980 the zoologist Robin Baker published the Manchester Experiments where he wanted to test the ability of humans to orient themselves and perceive the electromagnetic fields of the Earth. In addition more recent discoveries can support these hypotheses, like the presence of magnetite in our brain and bones; and cryptochromes in our eyes that participate in the magnetoreception of some animals).
In general, the subject of the book is still on the frontier of unexplained mystery, psychological theories and little scientific documentation, may be mainly because we do not know more than we know and the limitations of having more sensitive measuring instruments. It should not be forgotten that the scientific method is hypothetical-deductive based on reproducibility and refutability. The results of modern science depend on measurement procedures, there are still many disagreements in the set of tactics used to constitute knowledge and are subject to future discoveries.
Faced with this scenario, the fact that there is no conclusive scientific data, this does not discard that the phenomenon exists. The collaboration of Bernard Beitman seems to me to be a pioneer since he is the first psychiatrist since Carl Jung to use a systematic method for the study of coincidences. The work presented here was very interesting, I think it has a significant value, although not definitive, and that in the near future can throw relevant data to better understand the human psyche.
My gratitude to the Publisher and NetGalley for allowing me to review the book

[Olive Steele · Rating 4 out of 5]

The science for using synchronicity and serendipity in our life is addressed by Bernard D. Beitman, MD, author of CONNECTING WITH COINCIDENCE: The New Science of Using Synchronicity and Serendipity in Your Life. I've always thought that the manifestations I experience in my life are answered prayers and/or miracles, though Beitman explains other connections.

CONNECTING WITH COINCIDENCE: The New Science of Using Synchronicity and Serendipity in Your Life, is a book that reminds readers: "No person is an island, isolated from others and the life around us."

Beitman gives examples of unexplained coincidences that are true to people. I give this book four stars. It is good!

[SerialReader · Rating 2 out of 5]

Connecting with coincidence is about an original and extremely interesting topic, unfortunately this book is boring. It is a mere account of experiences from different people that doesn't really give you any real or tangible information. I would have appreciated more definite sections about real life experiences, studies and theories.


Read more on The Serial Reader Blog.

*This book was kindly sent to me via NetGalley by HCI*

[Juliet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Connecting with Coincidence is a book that provides a foundational overview of "the new science for using synchronicity and serendipity." The chapters help to cover an array of contexts in which coincidences arise, with many interesting stories from a wide array of people. I think this is helpful for thinking through my own life and discovering how many different "coincidence types" I have experienced -- it was more than I initially thought! Dr. Beitman is the first psychiatrist since Carl Jung to attempt to systematically analyze all forms of coincidence, including both synchronicity and serendipity events. This book is an excellent place to jump in and become more familiar with what is possible. I've found that keeping my own "Coincidence Diary" helps me to track the coincidences as they unfold. Like keeping a dream journal, it helps me to document them as they occur rather than letting them fade into the background and be forgotten. It is magical and inspiring to follow and think more deeply about all of coincidences that occur and have occurred in my life! I think that this helps us to pierce through the veil of mundane reality and get a glimpse of greater layers of meaning. The universe is more complex and beautiful than we sometimes realize. Coincidences help provide living evidence of that.

[Nic · Rating 3 out of 5]

“...the antilogic of randomness becomes the logic of live-as-lived.” (p150)

Part 1: Interesting. Parts 2&3 skimmed.

[Amanda · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sadly this book was archived before I could download to read it. It has been added to my TBR and I’ll keep an eye out for it again in the future or at my local library.

[Florence Aleman · Rating 2 out of 5]

Might be good for a beginner, I didn't find any new or enlightening information.

[Aaryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lots of stories that are compelling in nature, certainly the author has done a remarkable job by not only listing such coincidences but also their essence and the science behind them.

[Tom Law · Rating 4 out of 5]

Several years ago, I was working through a process to link people who were working on common social issues. At the time I said, “If I’m having this idea, I’m sure a thousand other people around the world are having it too.” I wanted to help network all of those people, so that progress could be made. Now I see Dr. Beitman postulating that there is a “mysterious interconnectedness of all things, coincidences become clues to understanding this densely woven mental web, the psychosphere.” He backs up his theory with a tremendous number of interesting and sometimes entertaining stories of coincidences which he and other have collected. You may not agree with his conclusions and you may think that the idea that all things are connected is so much science fiction. As he admits, some may be contrived and others are missing elements, but there is too much evidence to ignore. Physicist have recently “found” the so called “God Particle”. What’s to say that Dr. Beitman isn’t propelling us down the road toward the “densely woven web” he has postulated.

[Sencer Berrak · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was excited to come across this book mentioned in an article by one of my favorite journalists Oliver Burkeman in Guardian and purchased it immediately. I am extremely interested in the phenomena of coincidences and rational explanations behind them. Since the author was a psychiatrist, I did not read any reviews and bought it on a whim.

This is pure new age mumbo jumbo. He makes arguments such as "My mathematically inclined colleagues would tell me these coincidences are examples of random chance at work. They would say that in large populations, many unlikely events like this have to happen. I wouldn't be able to argue with them because theirs is a fixed belief in the "laws of probability". But the timing of that call was too precise for randomness. The brother showing up just when he was needed calls for a better explanation". I'm not sure if I need to argue any more about the weird theories explaining coincidences which only serves to perpetuate the beliefs of those who are already inclined to believe in this crap and would infuriate any scientific mind.

[Leo Knight · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this an interesting but frustrating read. Dr. Beitman presents interesting anecdotes of meaningful coincidence, or synchronicity. He puts forward several overlapping theories of how this might occur, from Rupert Sheldrake's "morphic resonance," to his own notion of the "psychosphere," a reinterpretation of Jung's collective unconscious. Sadly, none of it hangs together. The theories of this puzzling phenomenon remain incomplete. He does attempt to caution against blind reliance on belief in the paranormal, and does mention the skeptical view that we are the ones who attach meaning to coincidence, rather than some supernatural plan.

[thebookiereviewer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written this book explains all you want to know about coincidences. I really enjoyed it a fully recommend it.

disclaimer: I got an arc from netgalley for my honest review

[Nen Simmons · Rating 1 out of 5]

Do not be fooled by the word 'science' on the cover

[Amanda Mitchell · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you are looking for scientific explanations for coincidences, this is the book for you. It wasn't the book for me.

[frank tomasic · Rating 5 out of 5]

Right on the button

A lot of what was going thru my mind about the nature and possible origin of coincidences, was summed up neatly and effectively by the author!