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Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart
“A relationship expert whose work is like that of a scientific Carrie Bradshaw.” —THE OBSERVER A self-affirming, holistic guide for everyone—single or married, divorced or dating—to transforming heartbreak into healing by the founder of the innovative and revolutionary Renew Breakup Bootcamp Amy Chan hit rock bottom when she discovered that her boyfriend cheated on her. Although she was angry and broken-hearted, Chan soon came to realize that the breakup was the shakeup she needed to redirect her life. Instead of descending into darkness, she used the pain of the breakup as a bridge to self-actualization. She devoted herself to learning various healing modalities from the ancient to the scientific, and dived into the psychology of love. It worked. Fast forward years later, Amy completely transformed her life, her relationships and founded a breakup bootcamp helping countless women heal their hearts. In Breakup Bootcamp , Amy Chan directs her experience as a relationship columnist and as the creator of Renew Breakup Bootcamp into a practical, thoughtful guide to turning broken hearts into an opportunity to break out of complacency and destructive habits. Dubbed "the Chief Heart Hacker," Amy Chan grounds her practical advice and tried and tested methods rooted in cutting-edge psychology and research, helping first her bootcamp attendees and now her readers most effectively heal and reclaim their self-love. Breakup Bootcamp comes at the perfect time, when many are feeling the intensity of being in or out of a relationship, lonely or suffocated, and flirting with old toxic relationships they’ve outgrown. Relatable, life-changing, and backed by sound scientific research, Breakup Bootcamp can help anyone turn their greatest heartbreak into a powerful tool for growth.
336 pages, Paperback
Published December 1, 2020
261 people are currently reading
1103 people want to read
About the author
Amy Chan
17 books17 followersAmy Chan is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing the heart. She is also the Editor-in-Chief of Heart Hackers Club - an online magazine that focuses on the psychology behind love, lust and desire. The Observer calls her "A relationship expert whose work is like that of a scientific Carrie Bradshaw" and her company has been featured across national media including Good Morning America, Vogue, Glamour, Nightline and the front page of The New York Times.
Amy's book, Breakup Bootcamp - The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, published by Harper Collins, is available at bookstores now and was recently featured in The New York Times.
Amy's book, Breakup Bootcamp - The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, published by Harper Collins, is available at bookstores now and was recently featured in The New York Times.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 104 reviews
February 13, 2021
I have very mixed feelings about this book, but I will start with the good. Many elements of this book are absolutely phenomenal, and I love how thoroughly the author grounds her advice in attachment theory, psychology, neurology, and a sense of how people are body, mind, and spirit. That was all fantastic, and I would recommend this to anyone who is dealing with a romantic, familial, or platonic relationship that has fallen apart, or who is considering ending a relationship. This book is full of great wisdom and helpful exercises, and Amy Chan weaves in lots of stories from women who have gone to the in-person Breakup Bootcamp events and found them transformative.
Someone could argue that this book serves as an advertisement for her expensive program, but this is not her intention or the result. She shares great information and insight with a broader audience than she could otherwise help, and does an amazing job of incorporating expert advice from counseling and psychiatry specialists. This book is full of fantastic advice, and helped give me greater clarity about some friendship issues that I have been experiencing over the past year. However, because I disagree with many of the author's fundamental philosophical assumptions about life, I also have some serious reservations about this book.
Firstly, her emphasis on self, self, and self seemed utterly exhausting to me. I agree with her that self-care is important, and that it involves doing the hard work of reevaluating your life and pushing for personal growth, but all of her great advice ultimately ended in the message that you are the one certain thing in your own life, and that you must be everything for yourself. According to her perspective, because you cannot control other people, you should not put your identity in them, and should instead ground your senses of identity, worth, purpose, and meaning in yourself.
I agree with her about the first part, but because of my Christian faith, I disagree with her about the latter. I understand that since she doesn't believe in a higher power and can't presume that belief for others, she is offering the only and best advice that she can, but reading this book further heightened my awareness of how dogmatic Western society is when it comes to the self. Without belief in a higher power, people must look inward for the comfort, security, wisdom, and sense of wholeness that they would otherwise derive from God, and I believe that no matter how close we come to attaining this, it is ultimately a lost cause.
I love myself. I really do. However, I simply cannot be my own savior, or be the source of all meaning, stability, purpose, and hope in my life. The message that the author offered seemed absolutely exhausting to me, because there is just no way to ever measure up, and no way to be enough for yourself. This book made me think of the recently released title Rethink Your Self: The Power of Looking Up Before Looking In, and I would recommend that book to anyone who wants to think through the problems with a self-empowerment mindset and the benefits that come from finding your core identity in God, not yourself.
However, I also have other critiques of this book that apply to readers of any worldview. Even though I agree that people should consider how they have contributed to a problematic relationship, and should take action to improve their lives instead of wallowing forever or always blaming the other party, I have a problem with the author's assumption that any struggle in a reader's life ultimately stems from their own lack of self-actualization and positive effort towards bettering themselves.
This book acknowledges how utterly horrible other humans can be, and shares many women's stories from toxic and abusive relationships, but the attempt to give the power back to them often sends the subtle, unintended message that if anyone is utterly shattered by the evil that someone has done to them, then they just aren't doing enough to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. This can be dangerous, because even though it's great for the author to share tools for change, her message implies that anyone who can't put them into practice effectively is weak, inadequate, not trying hard enough, and needs to keep drawing on the ultimate powers of self-hood that she believes in as a substitute for God. As she shares triumphant stories from clients who have overcome their bad situations, she doesn't provide a lot of space for long-term grief and processing over someone else's sin.
The book also involves a variety of contradictions. One one page, the author provides a sophisticated explanation of the hormones involved in sex, explaining why hook-ups are rarely casual or simple for women, despite society's emphasis on casual sex. Then, just a few pages later, she provides a checklist of activities, and says that if you haven't had sex in three months, you should go find a lover. Really? She obviously expects people to take these as suggestions, not commands, since another one of the checklist items is to get involved with someone ten years older or younger than you are, and the latter is only an option once you're old enough for this to be legal. Still, she presents these suggestions in a way that undercuts everything she has just written about hormones and sexual bonding.
Ultimately, this book gave me a lot to think about. I'm glad that I read it, because I found parts of it extremely helpful, psychologically sound, and wise. However, there are also significant parts of this book that are driven by the author's worldview and life assumptions, rather than psychological science, and people will have to take or leave the author's advice based on their perspective. I would encourage anyone who is going through a difficult break-up to give this book a try, because it's very educational and provides great fuel for reflection, but my reservations are significant enough that I cannot give it more than three stars.
Someone could argue that this book serves as an advertisement for her expensive program, but this is not her intention or the result. She shares great information and insight with a broader audience than she could otherwise help, and does an amazing job of incorporating expert advice from counseling and psychiatry specialists. This book is full of fantastic advice, and helped give me greater clarity about some friendship issues that I have been experiencing over the past year. However, because I disagree with many of the author's fundamental philosophical assumptions about life, I also have some serious reservations about this book.
Firstly, her emphasis on self, self, and self seemed utterly exhausting to me. I agree with her that self-care is important, and that it involves doing the hard work of reevaluating your life and pushing for personal growth, but all of her great advice ultimately ended in the message that you are the one certain thing in your own life, and that you must be everything for yourself. According to her perspective, because you cannot control other people, you should not put your identity in them, and should instead ground your senses of identity, worth, purpose, and meaning in yourself.
I agree with her about the first part, but because of my Christian faith, I disagree with her about the latter. I understand that since she doesn't believe in a higher power and can't presume that belief for others, she is offering the only and best advice that she can, but reading this book further heightened my awareness of how dogmatic Western society is when it comes to the self. Without belief in a higher power, people must look inward for the comfort, security, wisdom, and sense of wholeness that they would otherwise derive from God, and I believe that no matter how close we come to attaining this, it is ultimately a lost cause.
I love myself. I really do. However, I simply cannot be my own savior, or be the source of all meaning, stability, purpose, and hope in my life. The message that the author offered seemed absolutely exhausting to me, because there is just no way to ever measure up, and no way to be enough for yourself. This book made me think of the recently released title Rethink Your Self: The Power of Looking Up Before Looking In, and I would recommend that book to anyone who wants to think through the problems with a self-empowerment mindset and the benefits that come from finding your core identity in God, not yourself.
However, I also have other critiques of this book that apply to readers of any worldview. Even though I agree that people should consider how they have contributed to a problematic relationship, and should take action to improve their lives instead of wallowing forever or always blaming the other party, I have a problem with the author's assumption that any struggle in a reader's life ultimately stems from their own lack of self-actualization and positive effort towards bettering themselves.
This book acknowledges how utterly horrible other humans can be, and shares many women's stories from toxic and abusive relationships, but the attempt to give the power back to them often sends the subtle, unintended message that if anyone is utterly shattered by the evil that someone has done to them, then they just aren't doing enough to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. This can be dangerous, because even though it's great for the author to share tools for change, her message implies that anyone who can't put them into practice effectively is weak, inadequate, not trying hard enough, and needs to keep drawing on the ultimate powers of self-hood that she believes in as a substitute for God. As she shares triumphant stories from clients who have overcome their bad situations, she doesn't provide a lot of space for long-term grief and processing over someone else's sin.
The book also involves a variety of contradictions. One one page, the author provides a sophisticated explanation of the hormones involved in sex, explaining why hook-ups are rarely casual or simple for women, despite society's emphasis on casual sex. Then, just a few pages later, she provides a checklist of activities, and says that if you haven't had sex in three months, you should go find a lover. Really? She obviously expects people to take these as suggestions, not commands, since another one of the checklist items is to get involved with someone ten years older or younger than you are, and the latter is only an option once you're old enough for this to be legal. Still, she presents these suggestions in a way that undercuts everything she has just written about hormones and sexual bonding.
Ultimately, this book gave me a lot to think about. I'm glad that I read it, because I found parts of it extremely helpful, psychologically sound, and wise. However, there are also significant parts of this book that are driven by the author's worldview and life assumptions, rather than psychological science, and people will have to take or leave the author's advice based on their perspective. I would encourage anyone who is going through a difficult break-up to give this book a try, because it's very educational and provides great fuel for reflection, but my reservations are significant enough that I cannot give it more than three stars.
August 22, 2021
The parts of the book that I enjoyed the most were the stories from the different women. I loved the personal aspect of that and enjoyed that way more than the general self-help advice from Amy Chan. The reason I rated this book a 2/5 and not a 1 is because there were tidbits of the stories from different women, although I wish that was more of the book.
Also, one of Amy's tips was to "plank a pose" but how is that helpful? I see how beneficial working out and being active is, but I feel like that is just not what I was looking for in this book. I would never think about doing a plank to release the negative emotions in me. Also, at the end of the book with the circle of love, I though was cliche.
Overall, I wish there was more to this book. I think Amy Chan has a great idea and I respect her for writing this book, but I do not feel like I walked away "renewed."
Also, one of Amy's tips was to "plank a pose" but how is that helpful? I see how beneficial working out and being active is, but I feel like that is just not what I was looking for in this book. I would never think about doing a plank to release the negative emotions in me. Also, at the end of the book with the circle of love, I though was cliche.
Overall, I wish there was more to this book. I think Amy Chan has a great idea and I respect her for writing this book, but I do not feel like I walked away "renewed."
February 18, 2021
Anyone who is going through or has gone through a breakup should read this.
January 13, 2025
5 stars❤️ this book opened my eyes and made me realize things i needed to see. basically it made me feel like my frontal lobe just developed. if you are going through a breakup or are just trying to learn self love i highly recommend
April 17, 2021
While I don't often take the time to leave reviews here, I think it's imperative I write a mixed review of this book so that information is widely known about it. I saw this book at a bookstore and immediately bought it - it felt like the book I'd needed time and time again in my relationship challenges, specifically, breakups that have resulted in me feeling really down on myself.
I wish the book had been bright pink instead of red, because this is a book so clearly targeted at women that I had to pick a lot of it together myself, as someone not in the target audience. I realize that there are tons of gendered books, and women have to do this all the time, but I still found this to be misleading, and I wish the book had either made its intentions more clear, or allowed room for more genders. In the end, I did get plenty out of reading this, more than I expected from the first few chapters. But I have to say that for a book about conquering tough breakups (requiring a lot of self introspection) it has some frameworks that are extremely narrow minded about women vs. men. The entire chapter about sex felt like junk science to me, old fashioned looks at gender chemistry as hard lines. I had a polar opposite experience in my own life; it paints women and men in the broadest strokes and treats that as biological fact. In almost all the examples, the men are really terrible partners, and therefore it makes it easy for the women in the stories (with the help of the author's promoted women's workshop - which the book is basically an informercial for) to realize they were chasing bad apples and they have their own insecurities to deal with. All of that is relevant but framed through such a specifically female gaze that I found it hard when I have dealt with crushing breakups that were entirely 1-sided. The book never addresses women breaking up with men in any material way. I think our society does enough to reinforce the notion that only women are the emotional gender who get hurt in breakups. In my experience, I had the exact opposite happen twice, and I am not the only dude who has felt this way. The author describes her own breakups, and the book seems to revolve around those types of breakups (and those types of female insecurities), and leaves it up to you to find the rest if yours doesn't fit into that framework.
The book also has a particularly disturbing analogy about elephants in captivity that if you know a lick about elephants, you realize is basically a sugarcoated version of breaking them. No the analogy is not intentionally malicious, it is written with pure ignorance on the author's part. It ends the analogy with saying animals are dumber than people. Elephants are some of the most sophisticated and emotionally intelligent creatures on the planet, so to use an example of breaking them for captivity in a book of this type is so off-putting I can hardly believe it. My tolerance for that is quite limited.
Now that I have made my rant, I 100% recognize a lot of internal problems I have had in my own insecurity that led to unsuccessful relationships. That is why this is not a 1-star rating, but a 3-star rating. In spite of some serious flaws, I fully admit I did gain a lot from the book, and most of all, I will go out into the dating world not with shame or insecurity, but strength in what I know about myself. I sure as hell wish it were easier to meet an awesome gal, until then I've got nothing to be ashamed of. Take what you will and decide if you want to read this.
I wish the book had been bright pink instead of red, because this is a book so clearly targeted at women that I had to pick a lot of it together myself, as someone not in the target audience. I realize that there are tons of gendered books, and women have to do this all the time, but I still found this to be misleading, and I wish the book had either made its intentions more clear, or allowed room for more genders. In the end, I did get plenty out of reading this, more than I expected from the first few chapters. But I have to say that for a book about conquering tough breakups (requiring a lot of self introspection) it has some frameworks that are extremely narrow minded about women vs. men. The entire chapter about sex felt like junk science to me, old fashioned looks at gender chemistry as hard lines. I had a polar opposite experience in my own life; it paints women and men in the broadest strokes and treats that as biological fact. In almost all the examples, the men are really terrible partners, and therefore it makes it easy for the women in the stories (with the help of the author's promoted women's workshop - which the book is basically an informercial for) to realize they were chasing bad apples and they have their own insecurities to deal with. All of that is relevant but framed through such a specifically female gaze that I found it hard when I have dealt with crushing breakups that were entirely 1-sided. The book never addresses women breaking up with men in any material way. I think our society does enough to reinforce the notion that only women are the emotional gender who get hurt in breakups. In my experience, I had the exact opposite happen twice, and I am not the only dude who has felt this way. The author describes her own breakups, and the book seems to revolve around those types of breakups (and those types of female insecurities), and leaves it up to you to find the rest if yours doesn't fit into that framework.
The book also has a particularly disturbing analogy about elephants in captivity that if you know a lick about elephants, you realize is basically a sugarcoated version of breaking them. No the analogy is not intentionally malicious, it is written with pure ignorance on the author's part. It ends the analogy with saying animals are dumber than people. Elephants are some of the most sophisticated and emotionally intelligent creatures on the planet, so to use an example of breaking them for captivity in a book of this type is so off-putting I can hardly believe it. My tolerance for that is quite limited.
Now that I have made my rant, I 100% recognize a lot of internal problems I have had in my own insecurity that led to unsuccessful relationships. That is why this is not a 1-star rating, but a 3-star rating. In spite of some serious flaws, I fully admit I did gain a lot from the book, and most of all, I will go out into the dating world not with shame or insecurity, but strength in what I know about myself. I sure as hell wish it were easier to meet an awesome gal, until then I've got nothing to be ashamed of. Take what you will and decide if you want to read this.
November 2, 2021
I started this book needing it, and then halfway through, I was doing much better and didn't really need it, but I still was determined to finish the book haha. This book was helpful in some aspects, but in other aspects, it just felt really preachy. I think the most helpful part of this book was the parts about love addiction and attachment styles; I think that information is helpful regardless of your relationship status.
My biggest gripe with this book was the binary gender discussion. The writer addresses this briefly at the beginning of the book, but still, it felt like this book was only helpful for very heterosexual heartbreak. Also, this book felt like it was promoting her retreat more than it was acting as a self-help book.
My biggest gripe with this book was the binary gender discussion. The writer addresses this briefly at the beginning of the book, but still, it felt like this book was only helpful for very heterosexual heartbreak. Also, this book felt like it was promoting her retreat more than it was acting as a self-help book.
May 8, 2021
Heb dit in het Nederlands geluisterd maar die staat niet op GR.
Hallo, wordt me ff een spiegel voorgehouden. Erg confronterend op sommige punten.
Super interessant boek over hoe liefde en liefdesverdriet werkt, ook de wetenschappelijke en psychologische kant hiervan. Heel erg leerzaam en maakt me vooral ook bewust van het feit dat vrouwen zichzelf veel te vaak opofferen voor mannen die het niet waard zijn.
Hallo, wordt me ff een spiegel voorgehouden. Erg confronterend op sommige punten.
Super interessant boek over hoe liefde en liefdesverdriet werkt, ook de wetenschappelijke en psychologische kant hiervan. Heel erg leerzaam en maakt me vooral ook bewust van het feit dat vrouwen zichzelf veel te vaak opofferen voor mannen die het niet waard zijn.
February 22, 2021
Audiobook. I was not a fan of this book. I finished it just to be able to say I did. There is some good stuff in here but it’s surrounded by so much silly fluff it’s hard to pay attention to it. I did not understand why the author felt qualified to help all these women other than that she got broken up with and decided to turn her pain into cash and so did some research. It’s a cool story, and it’s probably really hard to turn a weekend retreat into a book and I think this is probably a great example of trying to do it, but it didn’t work for me. Lots of effort put into talking about how men and women are inherently different because of like... testosterone levels which is silly. The dominatrix chapter made me lose any ability to take this book seriously. It may be an impactful workshop but it just seemed corny and ridiculous in book form. From that point on I ear-skimmed.
October 6, 2021
I’m definitely not the target audience for this book, so I told myself if I found one thing in the whole book that was helpful to my situation, I’d consider it a success. I found 1.5 so 👍
Overall, I could see this book being helpful if you are interested in examining your role in a recent breakup. It has opportunities throughout that I really do think could be healing. At the same time, I would advise other readers to always keep in mind that a) this book, and all it’s success stories, are carefully crafted to reflect well on the author’s (pricey) Bootcamp retreats, and b) as far as I can tell, the author, despite all the “science and research” she includes, does not have any relevant academic credentials of her own in any of the areas she discusses.
Overall, I could see this book being helpful if you are interested in examining your role in a recent breakup. It has opportunities throughout that I really do think could be healing. At the same time, I would advise other readers to always keep in mind that a) this book, and all it’s success stories, are carefully crafted to reflect well on the author’s (pricey) Bootcamp retreats, and b) as far as I can tell, the author, despite all the “science and research” she includes, does not have any relevant academic credentials of her own in any of the areas she discusses.
February 5, 2021
I was in a real rut for the last few months, 6 to be exact; with a broken heart. It wasn’t until reading this book that I was able to realize why I was truly not able to get over a guy I barely really even knew. This isn’t a typical self help book, it is raw and honest and takes you through some uncomfortable, but necessary personal accountability. Ever since reading this, I’ve been able to perform better academically, professionally, and mentally and really truly felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders.
August 28, 2022
To complete the exercises, I kept a notebook while reading this book. I expect I will refer back to this notebook and also complete the exercises again in the future. They were very useful in encouraging me to understand my relationship patterns, my values and needs, and myself.
I said to friends numerous times while reading this book that I wish I had known a lot of these things BEFORE my breakup—maybe even before that relationship started. I’m not keen on the idea of dating again, but if I do, I now have some tools that will make for a better relationship.
I said to friends numerous times while reading this book that I wish I had known a lot of these things BEFORE my breakup—maybe even before that relationship started. I’m not keen on the idea of dating again, but if I do, I now have some tools that will make for a better relationship.
September 8, 2025
I will be coming back to this many more times. I just read through it all first but want to go back to the exercises now and even read parts that are about how our childhood effects our actions now. I was scared to read it at first bc I didn’t want to read about how a man hurts us, but it was not that at all. It was all how to love yourself!!! It was ACTUALLY soooooo good!! I feel like I understand myself more after it and I cried many times. There are lots of parts telling you to love yourself and that is a very impotant message post break up. Even if you are not going through a breakup I think you should read bc you will learn so much about yourself!!!
Read
March 30, 2024if you see this, mind yo business
July 15, 2025
This is such a great book, I love the blend of different modalities to explore your experience with romantic relationships.
January 6, 2023
“Your break up is a shake-up necessary for you to finally unearth all of the things that have been stopping you from creating healthy love for yourself, first and foremost. Your ex simply ripped the bandage off an old wound that’s been waiting to be healed. Now is your chance.”
I am not usually one for a self help book. I’m too proud. The beginning of this year was fraught with what I had dubbed as “bad luck” ultimately ending in the worst break up I could imagine. I was lost, lonely, and desperate for answers and closure I would never get. Somehow, I came across Amy Chan’s words and felt seen and supported. I cried my way through the first pages of this book and ultimately through the entirety of the pages. It was tough to feel the mirror held up to my own views on relationships and where I fall in fulfilling them for myself but I am so grateful.
Relationships are never one sided and break ups can feel that way too. Amy puts the science into the confusion and allows you real reflection to say “I’m going to be okay, it’s going to take time but here are the tools to better yourself not in spite of but as a gift for this huge change.
I recommend this to anyone who has gone through heartbreak. Whether you think you are past the hurt or not you may find more answers about yourself in this book and that deeper self awareness is the best lift I could’ve given myself. I’m still working through it and she says it never truly comes to an end but this is such a supportive and uplifting place to start.
I am not usually one for a self help book. I’m too proud. The beginning of this year was fraught with what I had dubbed as “bad luck” ultimately ending in the worst break up I could imagine. I was lost, lonely, and desperate for answers and closure I would never get. Somehow, I came across Amy Chan’s words and felt seen and supported. I cried my way through the first pages of this book and ultimately through the entirety of the pages. It was tough to feel the mirror held up to my own views on relationships and where I fall in fulfilling them for myself but I am so grateful.
Relationships are never one sided and break ups can feel that way too. Amy puts the science into the confusion and allows you real reflection to say “I’m going to be okay, it’s going to take time but here are the tools to better yourself not in spite of but as a gift for this huge change.
I recommend this to anyone who has gone through heartbreak. Whether you think you are past the hurt or not you may find more answers about yourself in this book and that deeper self awareness is the best lift I could’ve given myself. I’m still working through it and she says it never truly comes to an end but this is such a supportive and uplifting place to start.
February 9, 2023
I liked this one so much, it will be the last break up book I read, I think. even thougfh this has worse reviewws than other books I've read I found this one so much more useful. Why?
It's theoretical. Many things happen to your mind, life and bosy after a break up and things get very messy and difficult to process. This book gives you the background.
It's practical. Because many things are happening, things get chaotic. I wish I had read this book first, but it has helped me understand so much, and, more importantly DEAL with so much, It has actually useful tips and explanations and containment plans.
It's empowering. During a relationship, you give and you take. Because of society, women usually give so much more than they take. This book helps you get a lot of it back and reaordain the blank spaces. Overall, it doesn't mince with words. It's not about what the other person did or didn't do to (for) you. It's about what you're going to do for yourself now.
It's obvious. Nothing in this book is new information for you if you have a curious mind and live in the 21st century. But all of it is necessary.
It's theoretical. Many things happen to your mind, life and bosy after a break up and things get very messy and difficult to process. This book gives you the background.
It's practical. Because many things are happening, things get chaotic. I wish I had read this book first, but it has helped me understand so much, and, more importantly DEAL with so much, It has actually useful tips and explanations and containment plans.
It's empowering. During a relationship, you give and you take. Because of society, women usually give so much more than they take. This book helps you get a lot of it back and reaordain the blank spaces. Overall, it doesn't mince with words. It's not about what the other person did or didn't do to (for) you. It's about what you're going to do for yourself now.
It's obvious. Nothing in this book is new information for you if you have a curious mind and live in the 21st century. But all of it is necessary.
February 7, 2023
This was honestly such an insightful and refreshing read. It made me have to reevaluate myself, the exes, the relationships, and how I manage throughout the relationship. I’m confident enough to say ive grown and that I can’t wait to see what the world has in store for me!
October 12, 2023
This book didn’t get me over my breakup , but it sure as hell did show me the advancements I’ve made in my “work”. It further established the boundaries I need to set in dating, explained scientifically & socially why I feel the way I often do, and quite frankly is a must read for any female in the dating world today. I rated it a 4 because I think it should be titled something else, and didn’t really relate to breakups more than just dating in todays society & finding yourself in general.
May 25, 2023
Try not to filter or judge your thoughts; just keep the pen going. By doing a flow state exercise like this, parts of your subconscious start to come out—it’s like emptying what’s been stored and stuck in the mind. The act of writing is therapeutic in itself and can decrease physiological reactivity.
For an anxious person, a trigger that threatens her safety causes the same cascade of survival mechanisms. Next time you feel anxiety, instead of absorbing the energy, try shaking your entire body for a couple of minutes to get rid of the excess stress chemicals and restore your inner balance.
If shaking isn’t your preferred method of releasing excess energy, you can opt for a jog or some other physical activity that changes your biology. But if taking twenty minutes to go for a run isn’t possible, do jumping jacks followed by a meditation. The key is to knock yourself out of the panicked and high-stress physical state first. By following up the activity with a calming meditation to center you, you can actually interrupt the anxiety spiral in its tracks.
The one thing we can always count on—the miracle within every one of us—is our breath. It has two functions: (1) to nourish the body with oxygen, and (2) to cleanse the body of toxic waste.
The breath is connected to our mind and our emotions. Breathing fast and shallow creates panic, whereas breathing slowly and deeply creates calm. Take control of your breath, and you’ll minimize stress, think more clearly, and naturally self-soothe.
The 4-7-8 breathing sequence is based on an ancient yoga technique and was developed by Dr. Andrew Weil. It will help calm down stress and anxiety immediately.23
Place the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth (right behind your front teeth).
Breathe in through your nose for a count of four seconds.
Hold your breath for seven seconds.
Release your breath through your mouth with a whooshing sound for a count of eight seconds.
Without a break, repeat the entire technique four times in a row, then resume normal breathing and activity.
The 4-7-8 breathing technique is effective, because when you are feeling anxiety, your breathing tends to become very shallow and you don’t get all the oxygen you need. This technique helps you increase oxygen intake, allows the oxygen to energize your cells, and expels carbon dioxide from your lungs.
QUICK TIP: If you can’t remember the count, that’s okay. Just remember to make your exhale longer than your inhale, as this calms your parasympathetic nervous system. Unlike the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for fight or flight, the parasympathetic nervous system, often referred to as “rest and digest,” is responsible for relaxing the body.
To truly cherish the things that are important to you, you must first discard those that have outlived their purpose- Marie Kondo.
while you may think you are just having casual sex, you are establishing an emotional bond whether you like it or not. Women have a larger limbic system than men and will typically feel more connected by sex. So, if you’re trying to get over someone, literally do not get on top of or under him! Sex with the ex is prohibiting those bonds from breaking, keeping you more attached and addicted. Avoid that temptation at all costs.
You need to fill that part of the pie with activities that feed your sense of identity and independence, and you need to make sure the next time you’re in a relationship, you don’t allow the majority of your pie to merge into “we” (relationship). Balance is key, and if you devote over half your pie to an external factor—a person, a job, or a vice—eventually, when that external factor changes, you may find yourself wiped off your feet.
Choose one of the following mood-enhancing exercises that you will complete during the day. If you wish, you can choose to complete more than one.
You can only heal a broken heart through allowing it to open again; a closed heart remains a wounded heart. Many battles may be lost but you are not broken and you are not your wounds-Christine Evangelou
There’s a technique in Japan called kintsugi, where broken ceramics are repaired with gold resin. The cracks are not hidden; rather they are accentuated, making the piece more beautiful than it was before. Kintsugi can be a great metaphor for life. Our scars, our history—including the parts of us that once felt broken—are what give us character and beauty.
You are not the same person you were when you started this book. New seeds have been planted and will continue to grow as you integrate the knowledge into experience. It’s important to remember that the journey doesn’t end here; it’s actually just beginning. With your newfound awareness, heightened consciousness, and an arsenal of tools by your side, the goal is not to sit back and coast, whether you’re single or coupled. Keep doing the work. Keep striving to evolve and grow. This is a lifetime journey. It’s not about chasing the traditional happily ever after, because that doesn’t exist.
People whose hearts are full of love spread love to others. It’s a positive ripple effect.
Each helped me realize that nobody has the responsibility or power to make me happy or fulfilled but me.
I’ve learned to base my happiness on the things I can control—my energy, my kindness, my ability to help, inspire, and impact others—my empowerment. With a baseline of joy and peace, life events and hardships may bruise me but will not break me.
Pain is something our society avoids. We stop ourselves from being open and vulnerable, from truly connecting with others out of a fear of trauma. But the emotions that come with pain—the good, the bad, and the ugly—are all a part of the spectrum of feeling that makes life colorful.
To know the risks of being vulnerable and openhearted, but to go ahead with reckless abandon in the spirit of creating something spectacular and awe-inspiring—that is courage.
To allow yourself to sit with the negative emotions that come from heartache instead of numbing out—that is strength.
To face your fears of abandonment and rejection without allowing disappointment to harden you, to get back up in the face of it with a blank slate and hope—that is resilience.
To know that nobody has the power to make or break your baseline of joy—that is empowerment.
And in a time when your heart is aching, to hold compassion for yourself as well as for the person who hurt you—that is love.
You cannot change your destination in an instant, but you can choose to change your direction right now.
Without a doubt there will be ups and downs as you move forward. Becoming more aware and more conscious is not easy. But it’s worth it. When your eyes open, you can’t go back to the life before. Pain was your catalyst to seek change, and inspiration will be the fuel to maintain momentum.
Your life is one great choose-your-own-adventure story. You are the author.
All the heartaches, the hardships, the heroes, and the villains—they’ve all been critical to the plot. From the ones who let you down to the ones who touched your soul—that’s character development.
Your scars add wisdom.
When things don’t go as planned, when you feel lost in the ebbs, remember, it’s just another plot twist. After all, you’re still writing your story. Make it one worth telling.
Here’s to your new beginning, renewed.
For an anxious person, a trigger that threatens her safety causes the same cascade of survival mechanisms. Next time you feel anxiety, instead of absorbing the energy, try shaking your entire body for a couple of minutes to get rid of the excess stress chemicals and restore your inner balance.
If shaking isn’t your preferred method of releasing excess energy, you can opt for a jog or some other physical activity that changes your biology. But if taking twenty minutes to go for a run isn’t possible, do jumping jacks followed by a meditation. The key is to knock yourself out of the panicked and high-stress physical state first. By following up the activity with a calming meditation to center you, you can actually interrupt the anxiety spiral in its tracks.
The one thing we can always count on—the miracle within every one of us—is our breath. It has two functions: (1) to nourish the body with oxygen, and (2) to cleanse the body of toxic waste.
The breath is connected to our mind and our emotions. Breathing fast and shallow creates panic, whereas breathing slowly and deeply creates calm. Take control of your breath, and you’ll minimize stress, think more clearly, and naturally self-soothe.
The 4-7-8 breathing sequence is based on an ancient yoga technique and was developed by Dr. Andrew Weil. It will help calm down stress and anxiety immediately.23
Place the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth (right behind your front teeth).
Breathe in through your nose for a count of four seconds.
Hold your breath for seven seconds.
Release your breath through your mouth with a whooshing sound for a count of eight seconds.
Without a break, repeat the entire technique four times in a row, then resume normal breathing and activity.
The 4-7-8 breathing technique is effective, because when you are feeling anxiety, your breathing tends to become very shallow and you don’t get all the oxygen you need. This technique helps you increase oxygen intake, allows the oxygen to energize your cells, and expels carbon dioxide from your lungs.
QUICK TIP: If you can’t remember the count, that’s okay. Just remember to make your exhale longer than your inhale, as this calms your parasympathetic nervous system. Unlike the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for fight or flight, the parasympathetic nervous system, often referred to as “rest and digest,” is responsible for relaxing the body.
To truly cherish the things that are important to you, you must first discard those that have outlived their purpose- Marie Kondo.
while you may think you are just having casual sex, you are establishing an emotional bond whether you like it or not. Women have a larger limbic system than men and will typically feel more connected by sex. So, if you’re trying to get over someone, literally do not get on top of or under him! Sex with the ex is prohibiting those bonds from breaking, keeping you more attached and addicted. Avoid that temptation at all costs.
You need to fill that part of the pie with activities that feed your sense of identity and independence, and you need to make sure the next time you’re in a relationship, you don’t allow the majority of your pie to merge into “we” (relationship). Balance is key, and if you devote over half your pie to an external factor—a person, a job, or a vice—eventually, when that external factor changes, you may find yourself wiped off your feet.
Choose one of the following mood-enhancing exercises that you will complete during the day. If you wish, you can choose to complete more than one.
You can only heal a broken heart through allowing it to open again; a closed heart remains a wounded heart. Many battles may be lost but you are not broken and you are not your wounds-Christine Evangelou
There’s a technique in Japan called kintsugi, where broken ceramics are repaired with gold resin. The cracks are not hidden; rather they are accentuated, making the piece more beautiful than it was before. Kintsugi can be a great metaphor for life. Our scars, our history—including the parts of us that once felt broken—are what give us character and beauty.
You are not the same person you were when you started this book. New seeds have been planted and will continue to grow as you integrate the knowledge into experience. It’s important to remember that the journey doesn’t end here; it’s actually just beginning. With your newfound awareness, heightened consciousness, and an arsenal of tools by your side, the goal is not to sit back and coast, whether you’re single or coupled. Keep doing the work. Keep striving to evolve and grow. This is a lifetime journey. It’s not about chasing the traditional happily ever after, because that doesn’t exist.
People whose hearts are full of love spread love to others. It’s a positive ripple effect.
Each helped me realize that nobody has the responsibility or power to make me happy or fulfilled but me.
I’ve learned to base my happiness on the things I can control—my energy, my kindness, my ability to help, inspire, and impact others—my empowerment. With a baseline of joy and peace, life events and hardships may bruise me but will not break me.
Pain is something our society avoids. We stop ourselves from being open and vulnerable, from truly connecting with others out of a fear of trauma. But the emotions that come with pain—the good, the bad, and the ugly—are all a part of the spectrum of feeling that makes life colorful.
To know the risks of being vulnerable and openhearted, but to go ahead with reckless abandon in the spirit of creating something spectacular and awe-inspiring—that is courage.
To allow yourself to sit with the negative emotions that come from heartache instead of numbing out—that is strength.
To face your fears of abandonment and rejection without allowing disappointment to harden you, to get back up in the face of it with a blank slate and hope—that is resilience.
To know that nobody has the power to make or break your baseline of joy—that is empowerment.
And in a time when your heart is aching, to hold compassion for yourself as well as for the person who hurt you—that is love.
You cannot change your destination in an instant, but you can choose to change your direction right now.
Without a doubt there will be ups and downs as you move forward. Becoming more aware and more conscious is not easy. But it’s worth it. When your eyes open, you can’t go back to the life before. Pain was your catalyst to seek change, and inspiration will be the fuel to maintain momentum.
Your life is one great choose-your-own-adventure story. You are the author.
All the heartaches, the hardships, the heroes, and the villains—they’ve all been critical to the plot. From the ones who let you down to the ones who touched your soul—that’s character development.
Your scars add wisdom.
When things don’t go as planned, when you feel lost in the ebbs, remember, it’s just another plot twist. After all, you’re still writing your story. Make it one worth telling.
Here’s to your new beginning, renewed.
September 20, 2023
Great read for anyone in any type of relationship status.
May 17, 2022
“Pain becomes a part of your depth” says Amy Chan in one of the many (many) illuminating passages to be found in the pages of this book, a tool, or rather, a weapon to wield in the “Dark Night of the Soul”, as St.John of the Cross designated that time of difficult tribulation we all must endure to transcend into a stronger version of ourselves.
But there is something particular and special in the making of this book, which mirrors the clever choice of the cover; a broken heart, mended together using the ancient Japanese art of Kintsugi, where the broken pieces of pottery are re-attached by applying resin powdered in gold, making the cracks a visible, beautiful feature of the pottery from that point onward; the imperfections, having made the piece more beautiful.
This book is like Kintsugi for your broken heart, it teaches you the art of putting back together your broken pieces, and become a new whole.
Part memoir, part technical manual, Amy seamlessly iterates between different methods of exposition in a very effective way; the personal memoir parts allow you to walk her personal journey into heartbreak and discovery, while then shifting to science-based research into the inner workings of our biology and psychology when faced with the imminent withdrawal from a broken relationship. She goes deep and pulls no punches and even as an avid student of psychology, I learned so much about how our internal structure is constituted in matters of love and loss.
From explaining the process of homeostasis, dopamine triggers, the concept of limerence (infatuation), the workings of oxytocin and testosterone, and how our brains are geared to create stress responses when we go down rumination spirals, this book invites you to “know thyself” in such an intimate way, as to be able to make correct choices against the automatic default mechanisms which are inevitably a part of all of us. In fact, the art of understanding these mechanisms allows you to “hack them” in ways that lead to healing and compassion for oneself and our erstwhile partner.
“A broken heart is like a deadly weapon” the author ruminates, explaining that our pain, when it goes unattended and unhealed, has the potential of hurting others in an expansive shockwave of misery. But with Breakup Bootcamp, the author is making the world a kinder place, one reconstituted heart at a time, having helped countless people, to heal.
Which brings me to a final thought on this bittersweet causality, Amy Chan’s Dharma; that a loving, generous heart such as she has, would have to endure all that betrayal and pain can seem unfair when observed from a moment in time, before she dug deep and transformed all that energy into a life purpose that is commensurate to her capacity and talents. Then, it seems like that pain was necessary for her star to shine and lead many others. And it begs our reflection, and gives us hope, that the pains and sorrows of our lives can also become seeds, for gardens yet to bloom.
But there is something particular and special in the making of this book, which mirrors the clever choice of the cover; a broken heart, mended together using the ancient Japanese art of Kintsugi, where the broken pieces of pottery are re-attached by applying resin powdered in gold, making the cracks a visible, beautiful feature of the pottery from that point onward; the imperfections, having made the piece more beautiful.
This book is like Kintsugi for your broken heart, it teaches you the art of putting back together your broken pieces, and become a new whole.
Part memoir, part technical manual, Amy seamlessly iterates between different methods of exposition in a very effective way; the personal memoir parts allow you to walk her personal journey into heartbreak and discovery, while then shifting to science-based research into the inner workings of our biology and psychology when faced with the imminent withdrawal from a broken relationship. She goes deep and pulls no punches and even as an avid student of psychology, I learned so much about how our internal structure is constituted in matters of love and loss.
From explaining the process of homeostasis, dopamine triggers, the concept of limerence (infatuation), the workings of oxytocin and testosterone, and how our brains are geared to create stress responses when we go down rumination spirals, this book invites you to “know thyself” in such an intimate way, as to be able to make correct choices against the automatic default mechanisms which are inevitably a part of all of us. In fact, the art of understanding these mechanisms allows you to “hack them” in ways that lead to healing and compassion for oneself and our erstwhile partner.
“A broken heart is like a deadly weapon” the author ruminates, explaining that our pain, when it goes unattended and unhealed, has the potential of hurting others in an expansive shockwave of misery. But with Breakup Bootcamp, the author is making the world a kinder place, one reconstituted heart at a time, having helped countless people, to heal.
Which brings me to a final thought on this bittersweet causality, Amy Chan’s Dharma; that a loving, generous heart such as she has, would have to endure all that betrayal and pain can seem unfair when observed from a moment in time, before she dug deep and transformed all that energy into a life purpose that is commensurate to her capacity and talents. Then, it seems like that pain was necessary for her star to shine and lead many others. And it begs our reflection, and gives us hope, that the pains and sorrows of our lives can also become seeds, for gardens yet to bloom.
November 3, 2022
Two years post-break up, I was still stuck on healing. I ended up finding out about Amy's Renew Breakup Bootcamp, but the timing just wasn't right for me to attend the retreat. When I found out that the retreat was written into a tangible book, I was more than willing to read it - I needed all the help I could get and this seemed like a much cheaper way to get help.
Like another reviewer mentioned, this book isn't written like it's intended to market the retreat. This book, in my opinion, is part- big sister advice, part- psychology textbook, and part-journal and therapy workbook. Unlike other reviewers who wanted more stories, I felt like the amount of stories was perfect...my intention going into this book wasn't actually to read stories, but to reflect on the science to get new strategies I could implement in my own life. I had already done a lot of self-reflection myself, and just needed more guidance. After a few pages in, I planned out how I would use the book. I decided that I would read it once and earmark all the activities I wanted to do, then re-read it again while actually doing the activities, which include quizzes, journal prompts, and visualization exercises.
Amy's writing was very easy to read. With tons of embedded stories from her own love life and from other retreat participants, she made both the science of relationships and healing seem much more relatable and attainable! The stories really helped me to connect to more technical science concepts, and showed me examples of how to put the inner work activities into practice. It really did not seem like a generic self-help book. The reader will learn about hormones, neurotransmitters, childhood trauma, evolutionary theory, family systems theory, spirituality, and more. You're also going to learn about all this in about the same order as the retreat participants experience it during the bootcamp. With quotes and lessons from the actual professionals (which include psychologists, anxiety coaches, and more), activities for reflection that the in-person participants do, and descriptions of the reactions and mood of the women who participate in the retreat, you can actually feel like you're a participant at the event without actually going to it!
Overall, I would recommend this book to people who are just coming out of a break up and feeling all the emotions, or someone who needs support with doing inner work and practicing self-love. They will likely relate to the information in the book more than someone who has already done a lot of inner work/therapy. Even if that's the case, however, they can pick and choose which parts to absorb, depending on which stage they're at post-break up. I really enjoyed the book and felt empowered after - looking forward to reading it again. Great book, Amy!
Like another reviewer mentioned, this book isn't written like it's intended to market the retreat. This book, in my opinion, is part- big sister advice, part- psychology textbook, and part-journal and therapy workbook. Unlike other reviewers who wanted more stories, I felt like the amount of stories was perfect...my intention going into this book wasn't actually to read stories, but to reflect on the science to get new strategies I could implement in my own life. I had already done a lot of self-reflection myself, and just needed more guidance. After a few pages in, I planned out how I would use the book. I decided that I would read it once and earmark all the activities I wanted to do, then re-read it again while actually doing the activities, which include quizzes, journal prompts, and visualization exercises.
Amy's writing was very easy to read. With tons of embedded stories from her own love life and from other retreat participants, she made both the science of relationships and healing seem much more relatable and attainable! The stories really helped me to connect to more technical science concepts, and showed me examples of how to put the inner work activities into practice. It really did not seem like a generic self-help book. The reader will learn about hormones, neurotransmitters, childhood trauma, evolutionary theory, family systems theory, spirituality, and more. You're also going to learn about all this in about the same order as the retreat participants experience it during the bootcamp. With quotes and lessons from the actual professionals (which include psychologists, anxiety coaches, and more), activities for reflection that the in-person participants do, and descriptions of the reactions and mood of the women who participate in the retreat, you can actually feel like you're a participant at the event without actually going to it!
Overall, I would recommend this book to people who are just coming out of a break up and feeling all the emotions, or someone who needs support with doing inner work and practicing self-love. They will likely relate to the information in the book more than someone who has already done a lot of inner work/therapy. Even if that's the case, however, they can pick and choose which parts to absorb, depending on which stage they're at post-break up. I really enjoyed the book and felt empowered after - looking forward to reading it again. Great book, Amy!
July 29, 2024
This is well-written and thoughtful and clearer than other attempts I've come across about possible connection between changing internal states and being prepared for self-compassion and/or successful re-engagement with romance.
177 "Desperate needs bring about a hallucination of their solution: Thirst hallucinates water, the need for love hallucinates the ideal man or woman." Alain de Botton
211 "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world ... but you do have some say in who hurts you." John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
240 You don't exert power; you live empowered. The former is fake -- it's overcompensating behavior to make up for what's lacking on the inside. The latter is earned. Empowerment doesn't come from hardening; rather quite the opposite. It comes from being so strong, resilient, compassionate, and full of love on the inside that you are comfortable in your own skin, able to withstand difficulty without having to create defensive walls that blocks you from feeling.
243 When you base your validation, your love, your sense of happiness, or your self-esteem on anything outside of yourself, you lose your power.
245 [...] if you're stuck in a loop with a disempowering fantasy, examine it closely, identify the unmet need, and try to meet it yourself. [...] Your fantasies live outside of you and reveal insightful information about the feelings, emotions, desires, wants, and needs that have been suppressed or ignored.
250 When you are operating from a place of fear or neediness -- when you're putting out an energy that you need someone else to fill what is missing inside you -- you are not in your power.
251 Meet the Urge with a Pause [...] As long as you keep reacting to those feelings of discomfort by outsourcing the relief to something external, you will not build your muscle for standing in your power. The simplest, yet the hardest, thing to do is to pause in these moments and do nothing.
253 When you start off in scarcity mode [...], you are going to be a lot more desperate and will likely take a bad deal and not negotiate your terms.
26, 247, 286 exercises (Letting go; shadow, etc.)
39-42 shake/breathe vs anxiety
54 exercise to have brain scan for positivity
59 worthy of love
60 anxious (Kats)
134-5; 137-9 getting needs met
149 communication and trust (Kats: also, 134-5, 137)
152 what are romantic partners for?
160 self-compassion & romance
166 blame vs accountability
173-4 TO DO
185 hope
200 narcissists
213-7 chemistry & healthy dating
177 "Desperate needs bring about a hallucination of their solution: Thirst hallucinates water, the need for love hallucinates the ideal man or woman." Alain de Botton
211 "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world ... but you do have some say in who hurts you." John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
240 You don't exert power; you live empowered. The former is fake -- it's overcompensating behavior to make up for what's lacking on the inside. The latter is earned. Empowerment doesn't come from hardening; rather quite the opposite. It comes from being so strong, resilient, compassionate, and full of love on the inside that you are comfortable in your own skin, able to withstand difficulty without having to create defensive walls that blocks you from feeling.
243 When you base your validation, your love, your sense of happiness, or your self-esteem on anything outside of yourself, you lose your power.
245 [...] if you're stuck in a loop with a disempowering fantasy, examine it closely, identify the unmet need, and try to meet it yourself. [...] Your fantasies live outside of you and reveal insightful information about the feelings, emotions, desires, wants, and needs that have been suppressed or ignored.
250 When you are operating from a place of fear or neediness -- when you're putting out an energy that you need someone else to fill what is missing inside you -- you are not in your power.
251 Meet the Urge with a Pause [...] As long as you keep reacting to those feelings of discomfort by outsourcing the relief to something external, you will not build your muscle for standing in your power. The simplest, yet the hardest, thing to do is to pause in these moments and do nothing.
253 When you start off in scarcity mode [...], you are going to be a lot more desperate and will likely take a bad deal and not negotiate your terms.
26, 247, 286 exercises (Letting go; shadow, etc.)
39-42 shake/breathe vs anxiety
54 exercise to have brain scan for positivity
59 worthy of love
60 anxious (Kats)
134-5; 137-9 getting needs met
149 communication and trust (Kats: also, 134-5, 137)
152 what are romantic partners for?
160 self-compassion & romance
166 blame vs accountability
173-4 TO DO
185 hope
200 narcissists
213-7 chemistry & healthy dating
January 14, 2022
I have been following author Amy Chan's blog from the beginning when it was Just My Type, now it's Heart Hackers Club. I have countless bookmarks of her blog posts that I have read and can relate to. I like to look back on them and self-reflect.
I remember browsing this book in stores but something inside me wanted to wait before purchasing. If there was any opportunity for me to attend one of her retreats in person, I wanted to do that first. I was able to attend her in-person Breakup Bootcamp recently in November. Being a part of the retreat and fully immersing myself in all those experiences and enjoying ME was so magical. When I returned home to LA, I quickly bought the book and it was an extremely fast read; I finished the book in two days! The first time reading through, I did not do the exercises in the book. This book is a fast page-turner. I'm going to read this book again at a later date and thoroughly work on the exercises she provides.
As I was reading this book, I highlighted many passages and I have sticker bookmarks on pages that I especially enjoyed reading. Learning the tools and acquiring knowledge at the retreat was one thing. But reading the words on these pages while at the same time, closing my eyes, and remembering those exact moments - it gave me so much comfort. The exercises in this book are the beginning stepping stones to a journey of self-healing. Amy teaches you the tools to dive deep within yourself and start healing from inside out, from the inner child to the adult you. Thank you for teaching these new tools that I will carry with me in life.
I remember browsing this book in stores but something inside me wanted to wait before purchasing. If there was any opportunity for me to attend one of her retreats in person, I wanted to do that first. I was able to attend her in-person Breakup Bootcamp recently in November. Being a part of the retreat and fully immersing myself in all those experiences and enjoying ME was so magical. When I returned home to LA, I quickly bought the book and it was an extremely fast read; I finished the book in two days! The first time reading through, I did not do the exercises in the book. This book is a fast page-turner. I'm going to read this book again at a later date and thoroughly work on the exercises she provides.
As I was reading this book, I highlighted many passages and I have sticker bookmarks on pages that I especially enjoyed reading. Learning the tools and acquiring knowledge at the retreat was one thing. But reading the words on these pages while at the same time, closing my eyes, and remembering those exact moments - it gave me so much comfort. The exercises in this book are the beginning stepping stones to a journey of self-healing. Amy teaches you the tools to dive deep within yourself and start healing from inside out, from the inner child to the adult you. Thank you for teaching these new tools that I will carry with me in life.
October 22, 2022
I recommend this book to anyone who has gone through any stage of love or is curious about love. It's all about being in a healthy relationship and learning all the tools to do so. Amy has done the research and compiled it all into an EASY TO READ book. That's key for me! I can recommend this book to my friends who do not love reading as much as I do because she presents the information in a easy to understand way. I commend her for being vulnerable and raw about her experiences.
I am not going through a breakup or heartache, but I wanted to read this book to prepare myself to start dating again. Reading it was like I was sitting in a room with Amy and talking to a friend. I quickly read through the beginning, but had to put the down because it make me think so much about my own patterns and experiences. I journaled my way alongside reading the book which I found helpful.
I laughed and cried throughout the book. I have done my own research on this topic, yet Amy seemed to have taken everything I've researched AND MORE, and put it into one place. This book needs more recognition. I'm almost done reading the book and it will have a special place on my book shelf. I have tabbed, highlighted, and made anecdotes for all the quotes I will refer back to when love comes around for me again.
In my 20's, I read "Why Men Love Bitches" (don't recommend), and in my 30s " I'm reading and recommending "Breakup Bootcamp" to everyone I know.
I am not going through a breakup or heartache, but I wanted to read this book to prepare myself to start dating again. Reading it was like I was sitting in a room with Amy and talking to a friend. I quickly read through the beginning, but had to put the down because it make me think so much about my own patterns and experiences. I journaled my way alongside reading the book which I found helpful.
I laughed and cried throughout the book. I have done my own research on this topic, yet Amy seemed to have taken everything I've researched AND MORE, and put it into one place. This book needs more recognition. I'm almost done reading the book and it will have a special place on my book shelf. I have tabbed, highlighted, and made anecdotes for all the quotes I will refer back to when love comes around for me again.
In my 20's, I read "Why Men Love Bitches" (don't recommend), and in my 30s " I'm reading and recommending "Breakup Bootcamp" to everyone I know.
November 6, 2022
Een gebroken hart. Iedereen heeft het vast een keer meegemaakt. Afhankelijk van de manier waarop je gehecht bent, kun je er anders mee omgaan. Zelf ben ik geadopteerd en daarbij onveilig gehecht. Omdat ik zowel uit mijn biologische familie als mijn adoptiefamilie “gezet” is afwijzing iets ontzettend moeilijks voor me. Dit boek heeft me geholpen te begrijpen hoe mijn brein werkt bij liefdesverdriet. Ik snap nu goed welke hormonen een rol spelen bij bepaalde gevoelens, hoe je zelf invloed hebt op bijvoorbeeld het aanmaken van oxytocine (oksel knuffelhormoon genoemd) en wat je kunt doen en vooral laten om dit op het juiste peil te houden, zodat je binnen 6 weken van ie liefdesverdriet af kunt zijn. Ik heb geleerd hoe ik dit helingsproces het best kan aanvliegen. Het is me door dit boek duidelijk geworden dat je zelf bepaalt hoelang je last wilt hebben van je liefdesverdriet en ik heb dit ook gemerkt. Lees dit boek en je zult zien hoe snel je gebroken hart weer heel kan worden en je weer normaal kunt functioneren en genieten van het leven én met welke soort partners een relatie in de toekomst wel kans van slagen heeft.
Sam van den Haak - auteur “Niet geboren op mijn verjaardag”
Sam van den Haak - auteur “Niet geboren op mijn verjaardag”
October 15, 2021
I heard an interview with the author and decided that I would check it out, as I mostly enjoyed her interview. Overall, there were a few little tidbits that I was able to take away from the book (mind you, I have not had a breakup any time in the near past.) But generally it was a lot of stuff that I had read in other books. There were some decent exercises that she outlined in the book which ended up helping me dig in on past mistakes/issues. I've certainly explored my role in the choices I make in men, and this did give me a couple of aha moments. But nothing profound. The book could have easily been far fewer pages, and less of the fluff on other people's stories. I guess my MAIN issue with all these relationship books is that they portray the woman as being all super into being in a relationship, and the men as being aloof. Well, I tend to choose men that aren't available because I'm not very available. And for now, that's what I'm looking for. So, if you're into the traditional male/female relationship our society dictates, then you may find comfort in this book's advice.
January 20, 2021
I was lucky enough to attend the Renew Bootcamp in New York that changed my journey completely from victim to an empowered soul! This book literally illustrates in detail of the actual tools that are scientifically shown to change your mind, body & spirit. We are not taught how to truly heal after a break up & we just keep carrying around & "recycling pain." Amy & this book will literally take your "break up to be the shake up," that you need to find your inner light! Whether you are ready to heal from a heart break, searching for the one or even in a relationship, this book is literally the best of the best hacks to get you on your soul journey. A book might not be your only solution, but I promise you this book will be your start to what is a beautiful self discovery journey. This book & the heart that the author puts into her writing is such a gift!
January 27, 2021
I first learned about Amy when she was a guest on one of my favorite podcasts (girls gotta eat) and I was immediately hooked by her! So naturally when she released a book I ode ordered a copy! This was such an amazing book to help deal with the aftermath of a breakup! Not only did it help me better understand why my last relationship did not work but it also gave me healthy tips and ideas for moving forward. And pretty much every chapter has an activity - journal, quizzes, etc. for you to do so there is built in therapy in the book (and for a fraction of the price!) I think this is great for anyone at any age, whether you just got out of a relationship or have been single for a while and just need some help understanding your attachment style and dating patterns. I wish I could attend her stuff IRL when COVID is over! I highly recommend this to anyone that wants to better understand dating!
April 23, 2021
Being someone who is not a huge self-help fan, I knew I wasn’t going to vibe with this one. While there were some interesting stories and insights in this book, it felt a bit too preachy and structured for it to be useful for me.
I am a bit curious about how many people who would need to hear the message would be picking up this book - it seems to focus mostly on those who are in the midst of a breakup or in the immediate after-effects. Not sure if it’s just me, but I’ve definitely never reached for a self-help book when going through a breakup.
Overall, this book had some interesting insights and I would recommend it to those who enjoy self-help books.
A huge thank you to NetGalley, Dey Street Books, and Random House UK Ebury Publishing for the gifted e-book in exchange for an honest opinion!
I am a bit curious about how many people who would need to hear the message would be picking up this book - it seems to focus mostly on those who are in the midst of a breakup or in the immediate after-effects. Not sure if it’s just me, but I’ve definitely never reached for a self-help book when going through a breakup.
Overall, this book had some interesting insights and I would recommend it to those who enjoy self-help books.
A huge thank you to NetGalley, Dey Street Books, and Random House UK Ebury Publishing for the gifted e-book in exchange for an honest opinion!
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