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The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care
Some days you need a pick-me-up, some days you need a life preserver. “For most of us,” writes Anna Borges, “self-care is a wide spectrum of decisions and actions that soothe and fortify us against all the shit we deal with.” You may already practice some form of self-care, whether it’s taking an extra-long shower after a stressful day, splurging on a ~fancy~ dinner, or choosing Netflix over that friend-of-a-friend’s birthday party. But when life gets so overwhelming that you want to stay in bed, some more radical care is crucial to maintain your sanity.The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care is here to help you exist in the world. Borges gathers over 200 tips, activities, and stories (from experts and everyday people alike) into an A-to-Z list—from asking for help and burning negative thoughts to the importance of touch and catching some Zzz’s. Make any day a little more OK with new skills in your self-care toolkit—and energy to show up for yourself.
256 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 1, 2019
256 people are currently reading
7006 people want to read
About the author
Anna Borges
2 books101 followersAnna Borges is a writer, editor, and podcast host. Previously, she's worked for SELF, BuzzFeed, and Women's Health. An Oregon native, she lives in Brooklyn with her two cats, Francis and Regulus. (She's also a Virgo sun, Aquarius moon, Libra rising, INFJ, and Enneagram Personality Type 4.)
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 134 reviews
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August 8, 2019i'm marking this as "read" so it counts towards my goodreads challenge and no one can stop me #selfcare
September 6, 2019
I think I've finally found a self-help book that's actually helpful for me.
I love that this book pours light on how the differences in gender, class, determine what self-care is for an individual. A lot of self-care tips are usually banking on capitalism, making self care a commodity that certain people can’t attain but Anne Borges addresses that.
The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self Care is the type of book that I’d like to read over and over until the pages are bent in my favourite places. I’ve already started some practising some of these tips. This is what a self-help book is supposed to do, it’s supposed to help you help yourself. I’d recommend this book for anyone who’s interested in self-care and doesn’t know where to start, or someone looking for self-care tips that don’t involve buying a candle and a face mask (not that there’s anything wrong with that) it’s all of that and more. Borges talks about how self-care sometimes gets misconstrued and ends up being a negative coping mechanism and how to avoid that.
At some point, I stopped reading this book as a reviewer and started reading it as someone who badly needed it. I haven’t found a self-help book that was actually helpful before, that had helpful actions in them that one could actually undertake. That’s what Anne Borges’ book is. It’s greatly helpful and filled with tangible advice that one can take
I love that this book pours light on how the differences in gender, class, determine what self-care is for an individual. A lot of self-care tips are usually banking on capitalism, making self care a commodity that certain people can’t attain but Anne Borges addresses that.
The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self Care is the type of book that I’d like to read over and over until the pages are bent in my favourite places. I’ve already started some practising some of these tips. This is what a self-help book is supposed to do, it’s supposed to help you help yourself. I’d recommend this book for anyone who’s interested in self-care and doesn’t know where to start, or someone looking for self-care tips that don’t involve buying a candle and a face mask (not that there’s anything wrong with that) it’s all of that and more. Borges talks about how self-care sometimes gets misconstrued and ends up being a negative coping mechanism and how to avoid that.
At some point, I stopped reading this book as a reviewer and started reading it as someone who badly needed it. I haven’t found a self-help book that was actually helpful before, that had helpful actions in them that one could actually undertake. That’s what Anne Borges’ book is. It’s greatly helpful and filled with tangible advice that one can take
July 18, 2019
This is the kind of book that I’m going to read multiple times - at least once from cover to cover, as I already have, and in bits and pieces many times in the future, I’m sure. As somebody who not only struggles with making time for self-care, but also with figuring out what might make me feel better once I do take time for myself, the map at the end of the book is going to function as an excellent starting point for discovering and remembering all the little things that might make any given situation just a little bit more bearable.
The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care isn’t attempting to reinvent the wheel; instead it’s designed to be comprehensive and functional, and all the better for it. The witty writing style, personal anecdotes, and cheerful empathy for what it’s like to struggle with looking after yourself made me feel understood, and I’m really glad this book ranges from the absolute basics - hygiene, sleep, food - to the more long-term ways to fundamentally change the way you treat yourself, such as therapy options.
I can’t personally imagine a person that wouldn’t benefit from owning this book and keeping it in an accessible place. Not only because of the variety of helpful options, but also because it’s a useful reminder that self-care should be a priority, and that most people struggle with it at some point or another in their lives. Honestly, I’m pretty sure reading and using this book is an act of self-care all on its own.
The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care isn’t attempting to reinvent the wheel; instead it’s designed to be comprehensive and functional, and all the better for it. The witty writing style, personal anecdotes, and cheerful empathy for what it’s like to struggle with looking after yourself made me feel understood, and I’m really glad this book ranges from the absolute basics - hygiene, sleep, food - to the more long-term ways to fundamentally change the way you treat yourself, such as therapy options.
I can’t personally imagine a person that wouldn’t benefit from owning this book and keeping it in an accessible place. Not only because of the variety of helpful options, but also because it’s a useful reminder that self-care should be a priority, and that most people struggle with it at some point or another in their lives. Honestly, I’m pretty sure reading and using this book is an act of self-care all on its own.
November 10, 2019
This is not a book with a lot of pop science on why self-care works. It’s also not a book masking consumerism as self-care. But if you’re looking for something middle of the road—not a deep dive into why self-care matters but still with practical tips that acknowledge mental health—this is a great resource. None of the suggestions were new to me, but seeing them all laid out was a helpful reminder of all the tools I have at my disposal. I’ve already sent this to one friend.
May 18, 2020
This reads like a long, poorly researched Buzzfeed article.
I'd say it's target audience should be 14-18 year olds. The lack of depth is frustrating as there's a few nuggets of good advice in there. The lack of depth on any advice means it just falls a bit flat. There is also some pretty poorly thought out, potentially harmful advice. Disappointing.
I'd say it's target audience should be 14-18 year olds. The lack of depth is frustrating as there's a few nuggets of good advice in there. The lack of depth on any advice means it just falls a bit flat. There is also some pretty poorly thought out, potentially harmful advice. Disappointing.
November 6, 2019
The More Or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care by Anna Borges is an A-Z listing of a wide variety of different self-care strategies. The book is visually appealing, with illustrations and an easy to read layout. Parts of the book are targeted specifically at people with mental illness, but it would still be relevant to people who don’t have a mental illness.
The author explains that she sees four types of self-care that involve nourishing the body, mind, relationships, and spirit. She makes it clear that self-care is not selfish, an excuse, self-reliance, one-size-fits-all, or a cure. I very much agree!
I found it interesting that the author acknowledged the privilege involved in being able to attend to self-care, as some people don’t have anything to spare beyond their focus on survival. I thought that showed very good insight.
Throughout the book, “their care” sections contain stories from contributors about how they attend to their own self-care.
Some of the strategies suggested are more internally-focused, including recognizing cognitive distortions and practicing radical acceptance. Others relate more to interactions with others, such as maintaining boundaries, saying no, and asking for help.
There are a few suggestions that are a little on the “out there” side, like astrology, crystals, and tarot cards, but they’re presented in a down-to-earth rather than “woo woo” manner.
Speaking of down-to-earth, I liked the author’s comment on medication: “medication isn’t for everyone, but it’s a totally viable option to talk about with your doctor.” Simple and straight to the point.
I enjoyed the suggestion to build your personal blanket fort, as well as the idea of giving your inner voice a name. The example name she tossed out was Donald, which of course made me think of talking to the inner critic as if it was Donald Trump…
At the end of the book, there’s a tree chart suggesting different self-care activities to suit different conditions. Personally I love that kind of thing.
I was impressed with the variety of different self-care strategies suggested. While some were about creating immediate or short-term positives, others might be difficult to do but would have longer-term benefits. There was also a mix of low-effort and high-effort activities. Overall, I thought it was quite well balanced.
I received a reviewer copy of this book from www.netgalley.com.
The author explains that she sees four types of self-care that involve nourishing the body, mind, relationships, and spirit. She makes it clear that self-care is not selfish, an excuse, self-reliance, one-size-fits-all, or a cure. I very much agree!
I found it interesting that the author acknowledged the privilege involved in being able to attend to self-care, as some people don’t have anything to spare beyond their focus on survival. I thought that showed very good insight.
Throughout the book, “their care” sections contain stories from contributors about how they attend to their own self-care.
Some of the strategies suggested are more internally-focused, including recognizing cognitive distortions and practicing radical acceptance. Others relate more to interactions with others, such as maintaining boundaries, saying no, and asking for help.
There are a few suggestions that are a little on the “out there” side, like astrology, crystals, and tarot cards, but they’re presented in a down-to-earth rather than “woo woo” manner.
Speaking of down-to-earth, I liked the author’s comment on medication: “medication isn’t for everyone, but it’s a totally viable option to talk about with your doctor.” Simple and straight to the point.
I enjoyed the suggestion to build your personal blanket fort, as well as the idea of giving your inner voice a name. The example name she tossed out was Donald, which of course made me think of talking to the inner critic as if it was Donald Trump…
At the end of the book, there’s a tree chart suggesting different self-care activities to suit different conditions. Personally I love that kind of thing.
I was impressed with the variety of different self-care strategies suggested. While some were about creating immediate or short-term positives, others might be difficult to do but would have longer-term benefits. There was also a mix of low-effort and high-effort activities. Overall, I thought it was quite well balanced.
I received a reviewer copy of this book from www.netgalley.com.
November 4, 2019
I have been in various forms of therapy and medical intervention for my mental illness for five years now - and I was unwell for many years before that. I have taken innumerable classes, received every hand-out and info sheet, and read many many self-help books on the subject of mental health. Some of them were directed to my condition specifically, but others were for health-conscious folks of all backgrounds. Sometimes I feel that I have read everything and have seen everything and that nothing will ever again give me that "aha" moment when reading about mental health.
What I find sets this book apart from all others that I have come across is its accessibility and honesty.
I can be very easy in this day of commodified self-care and "treat yo' self" to fool yourself into thinking that every act of indulgence and temporary self-soothing is self-care. While sitting on the couch and having a pint of ice cream can be a self-care experience, mostly it isn't.
What Anna Borges does in this concise and eminently readable volume is to assure the reader that self-care is possible, necessarily inexpensive, and important. Despite her evident command of the subject, there are no absolutes or hard-line answers in this book. Mental health management is like anything else in life: Your Mileage May Vary. She makes this clear, while still providing ideas, options, and perspectives that I believe will be helpful to anyone looking to manage their mental health.
My favourite item in the entire book was the "OK-case Scenarios". I had never heard this term before and I found it really spoke to a need in mental health conversations. So often we vacillate between extremes of "best" and "worst" case scenarios and for someone with emotional regulation issues, it is a blessing to have a middle-ground that isn't a compromise, but rather a "medium-good" place. Excellent read.
**I was given an advance copy of this book for review via NetGalley. I received no compensation and my vies and opinions on this title are entirely my own.**
What I find sets this book apart from all others that I have come across is its accessibility and honesty.
I can be very easy in this day of commodified self-care and "treat yo' self" to fool yourself into thinking that every act of indulgence and temporary self-soothing is self-care. While sitting on the couch and having a pint of ice cream can be a self-care experience, mostly it isn't.
What Anna Borges does in this concise and eminently readable volume is to assure the reader that self-care is possible, necessarily inexpensive, and important. Despite her evident command of the subject, there are no absolutes or hard-line answers in this book. Mental health management is like anything else in life: Your Mileage May Vary. She makes this clear, while still providing ideas, options, and perspectives that I believe will be helpful to anyone looking to manage their mental health.
My favourite item in the entire book was the "OK-case Scenarios". I had never heard this term before and I found it really spoke to a need in mental health conversations. So often we vacillate between extremes of "best" and "worst" case scenarios and for someone with emotional regulation issues, it is a blessing to have a middle-ground that isn't a compromise, but rather a "medium-good" place. Excellent read.
**I was given an advance copy of this book for review via NetGalley. I received no compensation and my vies and opinions on this title are entirely my own.**
January 15, 2023
I bought this immediately after reading Borges' article "I'm not always very attached to being alive". This is one of the best books on self care and mental health I've every read. It's quick, comforting, and easy to read. Definitely one to keep rereading when things are hard. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go rearrange my houseplants and poke my cat to let her know I love her.
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January 10, 2022NO TIME LIKE A PANDEMIC TO READ ABOUT SELF-CARE
January 27, 2020
This book gives practical self-care ideas organizing from A to Z, including things like healthy social interaction, meditation, cleaning and decluttering, making time for hobbies, using positive affirmations, taking a walk, listening to music, and practicing compassion. There is a flow chart quiz at the back of the book to help you determine what type of self-care you need the most.
I took off one star from my rating because of the heavy profanity in the book. It was completely unnecessary, and ruined my enjoyment of the book. I'm not sure why a book about calming self-care would include such ugly words. I thought the point was to surround yourself with positive thoughts and beautiful ideas to enhance the quality of your life. And the profanity completely destroyed that.
The book also includes many ideas that I found strange; leftist political ideas, astrology, and other things that didn't make any sense in a self-care book. There are many good ideas in here, and I think many people could benefit from the good advice. However, I did not personally enjoy it and ended up skimming through most of it.
Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a free and honest review. All the opinions stated here are my own true thoughts, and are not influenced by anyone.
I took off one star from my rating because of the heavy profanity in the book. It was completely unnecessary, and ruined my enjoyment of the book. I'm not sure why a book about calming self-care would include such ugly words. I thought the point was to surround yourself with positive thoughts and beautiful ideas to enhance the quality of your life. And the profanity completely destroyed that.
The book also includes many ideas that I found strange; leftist political ideas, astrology, and other things that didn't make any sense in a self-care book. There are many good ideas in here, and I think many people could benefit from the good advice. However, I did not personally enjoy it and ended up skimming through most of it.
Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a free and honest review. All the opinions stated here are my own true thoughts, and are not influenced by anyone.
January 30, 2020
Thank you so much to Manda Group, and publishers The Experiment for sending me the book in exchange for an honest review!
I loved this self help book. The pages were filled with advice in a textbook style, but never dry, format along with colour illustrations. There are also many real life examples from both men and women of all ages who have gone through similar experiences. I found this to be the most interesting part of the book.
In the back, the author also included frequently asked questions related to therapy, mental health resources, and further readings if you are looking for further help.
With multiple topics of advice under each letter, this book is so easy to read because of its organization and flow. I found myself marking multiple pages and topics that I would like to both try and learn more about. For example, the pages on astrology and crystals. There were also some things that I already know well and use for my own self-care, such as creating lists and the importance of getting enough sleep.
Overall, I give this book 5/5 stars, and really recommend it for you or someone you know who would like to make little changes in their life to improve their self-care habits.
I loved this self help book. The pages were filled with advice in a textbook style, but never dry, format along with colour illustrations. There are also many real life examples from both men and women of all ages who have gone through similar experiences. I found this to be the most interesting part of the book.
In the back, the author also included frequently asked questions related to therapy, mental health resources, and further readings if you are looking for further help.
With multiple topics of advice under each letter, this book is so easy to read because of its organization and flow. I found myself marking multiple pages and topics that I would like to both try and learn more about. For example, the pages on astrology and crystals. There were also some things that I already know well and use for my own self-care, such as creating lists and the importance of getting enough sleep.
Overall, I give this book 5/5 stars, and really recommend it for you or someone you know who would like to make little changes in their life to improve their self-care habits.
July 14, 2020
I did read this book from start to finish, but that is not the only way to approach this guide. It is full of grounded (free or inexpensive) ideas for self-care, both practical and more esoteric. What garners the 5 stars for me is that it clearly lays out at the beginning of the book that the entire notion of self-care is steeped in privilege and it does not have to be. Having said that, the author Anna Borges owns this and attempts to address it throughout the book.
I have a new Audre Lorde quotation to love (from A Burst of Light) that definitely won me over to this book, as it is highlighted in the preface:
Another selling point of the book is the Borges's clear understanding of how to research and use reliable science to back up her work. I followed a few of the studies she references down the rabbit hole and learned a great deal about WHY and HOW to take better care of myself.
I have a new Audre Lorde quotation to love (from A Burst of Light) that definitely won me over to this book, as it is highlighted in the preface:
Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.
Another selling point of the book is the Borges's clear understanding of how to research and use reliable science to back up her work. I followed a few of the studies she references down the rabbit hole and learned a great deal about WHY and HOW to take better care of myself.
January 19, 2021
It was so informative and gave me a sense of what self care can be. It can be long and healing, or it can be as simple as making your bed. I go through everytime I have a self care day. So beautiful and healing. ✨💖✨💆♀️
March 9, 2020
I loved this book and will recommend it to everyone!
April 9, 2020
This book was brilliant and I’ll definitely be purchasing a copy of my own when I am able
I’d highly recommend it to anyone who wants to practice self care but can’t get behind the flowery stuff.
From using proven therapy techniques on your own time to practicing tarot reading, Borges has compiled a brilliant collection of self care methods. No matter what your type of self care is, you’ll find it in this book.
There’s a heavy focus on realistic self care and mental health. In the time it took me to read this book, I have already gained skills that are helping me and I’m sure you will too.
I’d highly recommend it to anyone who wants to practice self care but can’t get behind the flowery stuff.
From using proven therapy techniques on your own time to practicing tarot reading, Borges has compiled a brilliant collection of self care methods. No matter what your type of self care is, you’ll find it in this book.
There’s a heavy focus on realistic self care and mental health. In the time it took me to read this book, I have already gained skills that are helping me and I’m sure you will too.
April 9, 2022
It’s a super cute book about different ways you can practice self-care! I thought it was a nice read to remind myself what different aspect of my life I can utilize to take care of myself, but a lot of it was also very generic & things I’ve found everywhere online, etc. So, it did not contain anything mind blowing or new that I learned, but I loved the concept of it because it’s definitely important to remind ourselves that self-care is not the same for everyone & to practice what your mind, body & soul need :)
June 29, 2020
This is a wonderful guide that provides tons of options that can be done at any time. The guide is very honest that sometimes we have different levels of energy for self-care, and have different self-care needs. The guide is also written with a lot of warmth and humor which makes it even better. No matter what you feel about the concept of "self-care" this book is for you. It balances being clear that self-care is very personal while still giving lots of concrete possibilities.
March 29, 2020
For someone who is looking for a concise and realistic overview of the types of self care out there, this is a fantastic book. It provides a great starting point to a multitude of tools one can use to develop a self care routine meaningful to them; I particularly appreciate the lack of expensive and unrealistic solutions that can often propagate other well being books.
While I did get a few new ideas out of this book, it felt more like an overview of things I already knew, which is the reason for the 4 star rating.
While I did get a few new ideas out of this book, it felt more like an overview of things I already knew, which is the reason for the 4 star rating.
December 14, 2020
This book was an absolutely incredible read! It is easy to read as it is blocked into sections based on the letter of the alphabet. It didn’t take too much brain power to read it, and the messages in it are great for ANYONE interested in exploring what self-care might look like for them. I would highly suggest friends, family, and clients read this book!
September 23, 2021
Listening to this audiobook was self care. It is filled with realistic ideas and suggestions to start or improve your current self care routine. I find that sometimes self help books can be stressful but this book has lots of great baby step options to make it not feel so overwhelming to carve out time for yourself.
January 10, 2020
I thought this was a great book and gave many helpful tips and made mental health seem more attainable I don’t struggle especially with mental health but I found it helpful. I would definitely recommend to someone who is just looking in to self care and mental health
March 7, 2020
A lovely concise compilation of ways to take care of yourself. Not all entries are groundbreaking, but a lot of them are reminders of things I already knew but forgot to practice or reminders to be kind to myself. Some of them were true eye-openers and made me look at things in a different way. Overall the book gave me a comforting feeling and I'll be dipping in and out of it in the future.
June 19, 2020
Typically I have a difficult time getting in to self-help books, but this one was great, with quick nuggets of wisdom--one to two paragraphs based on a word/idea/theme in alpha order. Also appreciated her humorous, direct tone. This is a book I'd referred back to in the future.
December 8, 2021
More like a lengthy pop-psychology article, but this is an encyclopedia of almost 200 topic or activities relating to self-care. It's pretty impressive!
March 1, 2025
Super helpful guide around how to actually implement self-care in your life ✅
January 5, 2020
Great reminder that the best self care is to be patient, gentle, and non-judgmental with yourself. Lovely way to start off the new year!
April 6, 2020
This book was honestly everything I was looking for. It was a great starter book to diving into the self care and personal growth mindspace. I loved the way Anna Borges writes and her 100% realness. I found myself always interested and wanting to keep reading. Plus I'm sure I'm gonna use almost everyone of her tips. I recommend this book to anyone who can use a pick me up and honestly we all could.
April 5, 2020
This is setup dictionary style with alphabetical entries of self car ideas. There is a nice mix of activities that may cost money and are fee.
December 15, 2019
This book caught my eye on the "new order non-fiction" list at my local public library. I think I was first in line to receive a copy. So glad about that!
Self-care is a new "meme" that has spread like wildfire. While I believe I first heard the term from my younger son, it is now virtually everywhere.
And no wonder. Life can be stressful. Bad things happen to good people pretty much all the time. From my older person perspective, I think life is particularly stressful for young people right now. But that is a long story for another place.
Self-care, as deftly described by Ms. Borges, is essentially a mind-set. There are no universal formulae, no crystals to find nor any mantras to repeat. Self-care is the recognition that you have unique psychological needs, and that it is critical to recognize and to respect them.
So - among Ms. Borges most salient points - while there may be some among us who can have six different social engagements on a given weeknight and then sail into work on a cup of coffee or two, if that's not you, learn to say no. Likewise, difficult friends and relationships do not require your ongoing rapt attention, you do not need to be everything for everyone all the time. Similarly - develop some de-stress skills. Enjoy small things. I definitely enjoyed and appreciated Ms. Borges' many suggestions, some of which I can confirm as remarkably effective from personal experience.
The book is a teeny bit repetitive in places (probably because of the nature of the A to Z format) but this is a small quibble. Much recommended!!
Self-care is a new "meme" that has spread like wildfire. While I believe I first heard the term from my younger son, it is now virtually everywhere.
And no wonder. Life can be stressful. Bad things happen to good people pretty much all the time. From my older person perspective, I think life is particularly stressful for young people right now. But that is a long story for another place.
Self-care, as deftly described by Ms. Borges, is essentially a mind-set. There are no universal formulae, no crystals to find nor any mantras to repeat. Self-care is the recognition that you have unique psychological needs, and that it is critical to recognize and to respect them.
So - among Ms. Borges most salient points - while there may be some among us who can have six different social engagements on a given weeknight and then sail into work on a cup of coffee or two, if that's not you, learn to say no. Likewise, difficult friends and relationships do not require your ongoing rapt attention, you do not need to be everything for everyone all the time. Similarly - develop some de-stress skills. Enjoy small things. I definitely enjoyed and appreciated Ms. Borges' many suggestions, some of which I can confirm as remarkably effective from personal experience.
The book is a teeny bit repetitive in places (probably because of the nature of the A to Z format) but this is a small quibble. Much recommended!!
October 9, 2019
This was such an interesting book to read, with lots of infos and tips (from hobbies to self improvement) and I will definitely use it again in the future (starting now).
I found it very well structured and easy to understand, truly a good guide.
I found it very well structured and easy to understand, truly a good guide.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 134 reviews