If You Read Just One Book By An Astronaut, Make It This One
I am a space buff and have read many good accounts of the space program, including Andrew Chaikin’s amazing “A Man on the Moon,” which should be required reading for everyone interested in these genera. As for books written by astronauts, “Carrying the Fire: An Astronaut's Journeys” by Michael Collins is probably the best I have read along with Jim Lovell’s “Lost Moon,” aka “Apollo 13.” An important point to make right off the bat is that Collins had no co-author on this project as many do. He did it all himself, and let me tell you, he can write.
Michael Collins, for those of you who don’t know, was the third astronaut on Apollo 11, the one who stayed up and flew the command module while Neil and Buzz got all the press making the first moon landing. Some may think that the Command Module Pilot got the short end of the stick because he didn’t actually get to land on the moon, but Collins doesn’t see it that way. “I know that I would be a liar or a fool if I said that I have the best of the three Apollo 11 seats, but I can say with truth and equanimity that I am perfectly satisfied with the one I have. This venture has been structured for three men, and I consider my third to be as necessary as either of the other two.” He probably could have stuck around after Apollo 11 and walked on the moon as Commander on Apollo 17, but his experiences on Apollo 11 and Gemini 10 were enough, and he was content to walk away.
I particularly enjoyed the behind the scenes look at things you don’t usually see in the space program, such as the frustrations of training, quarantine before and after the mission, honest personal and humanizing views of other astronauts, and dealing with the often overwhelming worldwide public relations required by the job.
Collins is funny and self-deprecating. When asked what he was thinking about while Neil and Buzz were making history walking on the moon, he replied, “I just kept reminding myself that every single component in this spacecraft was provided by the guy who submitted the cheapest tender.”
Collins makes everything interesting, from his early career in the Air Force, through the early astronaut selection process (from which he was rejected), to his work in the development of the Gemini and Apollo EVA suits (and the little old ladies tasked to hand-glue the pieces together in the David Clark Company factory in Worcester, Massachusetts).
There is an especially interesting section where Collins and Dave Scott are sent to the Paris Air Show in May, 1967. There, at the height of the space race and cold war with the USSR, they meet and find much in common with “the competition,” Soviet cosmonauts Pavel Belyaev and Konstantin Feoktistov. “In Belyaev we found a kindred spirit. I liked him, and I would have flown with him.” These are honest and courageous words for a man of Collins’ stature to put into print in 1974. Open encounters like these may have helped lay the foundation for the joint U.S./Russia International Space Station missions we have today.
What really sets this book apart from other “astronaut books” are Collins’ intelligent, candid, and self-depreciating observations about astronaut life (no chest beating here), and the breathless minute-by-minute accounts of both his Gemini 10 and Apollo 11 missions. I wasn’t too familiar with Gemini 10, and was fascinated by his interactions with John Young, their two rendezvous with two different Agena Target Vehicles, and Collins’ two EVAs. For the EVAs, he has to maneuver using a nitrogen gun and practices while standing on a disk in a space the size of a boxing ring set up like an air hockey table. For his first EVA he stands up in the Gemini cockpit with the doors open and feels like a “Roman god riding the skies in his chariot.” His second EVA is successful, but Collins makes no bones about how dicey it actually is. He applies to NASA for travel reimbursement after the flight and receives a grand total of $24.
While alone circling the moon in the Command module of Apollo 11, he knows he is alone in a way no other human has ever been before. Not only does he have to be prepared for his role in the mission, but he also has to train to make it back to Earth alone in case of the very real possibility that Neil and Buzz do not make it back from the moon alive. When he circles to the dark side of the moon alone, he is truly alone. “I am alone now, truly alone, and absolutely isolated from any known life. I am it. If a count were taken, the score would be three billion plus two over on the other side of the moon, and one plus God only knows what on this side. I feel this powerfully – not as fear or loneliness – but as awareness, anticipation, satisfaction, confidence, almost exultation. I like the feeling.”
Collins speaks frankly about the difficulty some astronauts have, upon their return, of preventing the rest of their lives from being an anticlimax. There is also the temptation of easy money. “There is money hanging around, but it is tainted PR money, trading great piles of greenbacks for tiny bits of soul, in an undetermined but unsatisfactory ratio. For example, I have been offered $50,000 to do beer commercials, and I love beer, but somehow it seems a grubby thing to do…. So I remain flat broke, and I rationalize it by saying that it is a good thing, that it forces me to focus on the future, and that it keeps me lean and hungry in my outlook.” This, in a world today where many young people don’t even know what selling out means.
Michael Collins is a man of integrity, insight, and humility often lacking in today’s public figures. “Carrying the Fire” is excellent. It is well written, moving, engaging, funny, and very personal. If you read just one book by an astronaut, make it this one. Very highly recommended.