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The Thank-You Project: Cultivating Happiness One Letter of Gratitude at a Time
Gratitude and happiness go hand-in-hand -- and The Thank-You Project provides an easy-to-follow approach for creating more of both.
Who helped you become the person you are today? As Nancy Davis Kho approached a milestone birthday, she decided to answer that question by sending thank-you letters to the many people who had influenced her, helped her, and inspired her over the family, friends, mentors, teachers, co-workers, even a couple of former friends and exes. While her recipients always seemed genuinely pleased to read the letters, what Nancy never expected was the profound and positive effect the process would have on her. As it turns out, emerging research proves that actively appreciating the formative people in your life, past and present, can lead to a lasting increase in your happiness levels--and The Thank-you Project offers a charming, entertaining roadmap to see, say and savor your way there.
Who helped you become the person you are today? As Nancy Davis Kho approached a milestone birthday, she decided to answer that question by sending thank-you letters to the many people who had influenced her, helped her, and inspired her over the family, friends, mentors, teachers, co-workers, even a couple of former friends and exes. While her recipients always seemed genuinely pleased to read the letters, what Nancy never expected was the profound and positive effect the process would have on her. As it turns out, emerging research proves that actively appreciating the formative people in your life, past and present, can lead to a lasting increase in your happiness levels--and The Thank-you Project offers a charming, entertaining roadmap to see, say and savor your way there.
208 pages, Hardcover
First published December 3, 2019
39 people are currently reading
3604 people want to read
About the author
Nancy Davis Kho
6 books97 followersNancy Davis Kho is a speaker, author, and podcaster whose work has appeared in the Washington Post, San Francisco Chronicle, and Salon.com. Nancy's book THE THANK-YOU PROJECT: Cultivating Happiness One Letter of Gratitude at a Time was published by Running Press in December 2019. Nancy covers “the years between being hip and breaking one” at MidlifeMixtape.com and on the Midlife Mixtape Podcast, available on all major podcast platforms. The Midlife Mixtape Podcast won a 2020 Iris Award as Podcast of the Year and was included in Wall Street Journal’s list of "8 Podcasts for Anyone Nervously Facing Retirement." Nancy has been both champion and judge in the acclaimed international comedy-lit improv show, Literary Death Match. More at www.DavisKho.com.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 79 reviews
October 28, 2019
I don't know about you, but I'm a pretty grateful person and yet, I often feel inundated with gratitude books, lists and reminders. So when I saw the cover of The Thank-You Project, I rolled my eyes - what could anyone possibly say about gratitude that hasn't already been said? Well, I'm here to tell you - there is something: don't keep it to yourself. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE this book and what it is inspiring me to do. I also love Davis Kho's humor and genuineness; there's not an ounce of sanctimoniousness in her book. So as I begin to make a list of everyone I plan to write, I realize that it may take me years to write monthly letters to the many, many people who have blessed my life in some way. And the best part is that I get to relive all that good all over again. This book will definitely be in everyone's stocking come December.
December 13, 2019
One of the main reasons I read is to amass friends. Most of my author friends don’t know they’re part of my crew, but Nancy, consider this review your official notification if you read it.
I was a little confused by the premise of this book when I first heard about it. Cool idea to write 50 thank-you letters the year you turn 50, but how can you talk about that for a whole book? Nancy’s answer to that question is to turn it into a tidy little memoir/how-to package, infused with wit, warmth, and inspiration. The playlists/mixtapes included after every chapter sealed the deal for this fellow music lover.
I love a book that makes me want to go out and write, and my wheels were turning the whole time I was reading this. I’m excited and inspired to write my own batch of Thank-You letters. Maybe I’ll start with some fan-mail to my new author friend....
I was a little confused by the premise of this book when I first heard about it. Cool idea to write 50 thank-you letters the year you turn 50, but how can you talk about that for a whole book? Nancy’s answer to that question is to turn it into a tidy little memoir/how-to package, infused with wit, warmth, and inspiration. The playlists/mixtapes included after every chapter sealed the deal for this fellow music lover.
I love a book that makes me want to go out and write, and my wheels were turning the whole time I was reading this. I’m excited and inspired to write my own batch of Thank-You letters. Maybe I’ll start with some fan-mail to my new author friend....
November 11, 2020
The pretty floral cover of this book caught my eye, so I checked it out from the library. Sadly, the charming cover and the flowery end papers are the best part about this book. The inside reads like an article from a women's magazine that was misguidedly stretched into a whole book. I think it should have remained an article. Packed with anecdotes and unimportant details, the text basically encourages people to write thank-you notes to everyone and everything that has ever figured large in their lives. Its main points could have been summed up in a few bullet points. Honestly, I got really bored about halfway through this book and couldn't finish it. The premise is nice, but the book just didn't hold my interest.
January 1, 2020
Whether or not you think you’re up for taking on a thank you letter project, this book has much to offer. It led me to reflect more deeply on the people (and places) in my life and what each gave me. It also reminded me of the power of telling the people in your life what they mean to you. Beyond the daily “I love you” or semi-regular “I don’t know what I’d do without you”, I remembered how good it feels to tell someone how they make your life better. Nancy writes with humor and grace and her words make an impact.
January 11, 2021
2020 was a hard year that left me jaded and angry. I figured starting with a book about gratitude might just be a great way to shift my perspective for this new year.
First off, I always appreciate when an author is willing be vulnerable with their reader. Kho is just the right amount of business, encouragement, and sarcastic. She introduced me to the idea of writing to people that you can no longer give letters to- such as loved ones who have passed on, and former lovers that might complicate your life. The subjects of finding positive take aways from bad relationships in your life is treated with care and respect. An enjoyable read that helped me to remember that there is good even in the midst of sometimes bad or difficult situations.
First off, I always appreciate when an author is willing be vulnerable with their reader. Kho is just the right amount of business, encouragement, and sarcastic. She introduced me to the idea of writing to people that you can no longer give letters to- such as loved ones who have passed on, and former lovers that might complicate your life. The subjects of finding positive take aways from bad relationships in your life is treated with care and respect. An enjoyable read that helped me to remember that there is good even in the midst of sometimes bad or difficult situations.
April 11, 2020
An enlightening, fun, and inspiring read that encourages you to take a step back and evaluate the people who have impacted your life in ways big and small. This 'how-to' book is full of funny stories, touching moments, and first-hand examples on the power of gratitude. The perfect read for someone looking for a new project, or who simply wants to think about the important people in their life and practice gratitude more often.
January 9, 2020
Simply put: I loved this book more than any I have read in a long time.
At first I was skeptical of the assertion by the author that I could reap the benefits of gratitude simply by reading about her experience- but you know what? She’s right!
By the end of the book I found myself counting blessings and mentally preparing a thank you list of my own. I may even buy personalized stationary.
At first I was skeptical of the assertion by the author that I could reap the benefits of gratitude simply by reading about her experience- but you know what? She’s right!
By the end of the book I found myself counting blessings and mentally preparing a thank you list of my own. I may even buy personalized stationary.
April 5, 2021
Great idea to write thank you notes to the people that have made an impact on your life. The author provides some great insights and thinks of a variety of people to write notes for. I think this is a great concept
June 14, 2021
Most inspirational book I read this year. This project was on my list of things to do the year I turned 40, but that ended up being the craziest year ever (2020). Listening to this made me want to get back on track and start this project as soon as summer is over.
November 18, 2019
A new take on cultivating gratitude - funny, moving, insightful and fresh. This is the perfect milestone birthday gift, teacher gift, holiday gift-- for everyone.
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November 17, 2020I'm going to recommend this as our EMS Reads book club choice for November. I'd love to get a thank-you letter writing campaign going around the school!
November 21, 2020
I really liked the concept and the start of the book. But at some point it droned on to me and felt like it was getting into the weeds.
November 5, 2020
I enjoyed this book, and it was a project I did myself when I turned 50. I didn't write 50 letters but wrote quite a few. I still think writing letters is a good old fashioned way to keep in touch and who doesn't like to get a letter in the mail
November 27, 2019
This book is delightful. Through science and engaging personal narrative, the author shows us how truly beneficial it is to take time to show gratitude for the people/things/places in our lives. Gratitude is something we all very much need right now, and just reading this book infused me with a sense of it, and an urgent desire to make a new habit of showing appreciation for those around me - which has a win-win result for all involved. This book is both a guide to the proven research showing how expressing gratitude leads to happiness but also a remarkably sweet and poignant reflection on the author’s own journey of gratitude.
January 15, 2020
I liked this okay. As someone who typically enjoys (or at least used to) the year-long-project memoir/self-help type book, I enjoyed the subject matter of this book (despite largely being "over" these types of books).
I had a couple of issues, however. First, as an academic, I feel that if an author is going to quote research to support their argument or POV, the author should actually cite that research in footnotes or, at the very least, a bibliography. I love that Kho discussed the science and research into gratitude, I just wish I could have been able to look up some of the studies she referred to.
Second, in attempts to add humor, I feel like Kho added occasional unnecessary borderline-racist (or at least uncomfortable) tidbits. For example, this sentence on page 15: "You could think over those 'how' questions for your first letter's recipient during your morning commute, when you're cooking, when you are on hold with a customer service rep in Mumbai named 'Steve'." That last tidbit was not needed for her point, nor was it funny, and it struck me as a microaggression. Her point could have been made better (and more humorously) with a different, more self-deprecating example.
All in all I like the idea and I like Kho's podcast and I'm glad she wrote the book.
I had a couple of issues, however. First, as an academic, I feel that if an author is going to quote research to support their argument or POV, the author should actually cite that research in footnotes or, at the very least, a bibliography. I love that Kho discussed the science and research into gratitude, I just wish I could have been able to look up some of the studies she referred to.
Second, in attempts to add humor, I feel like Kho added occasional unnecessary borderline-racist (or at least uncomfortable) tidbits. For example, this sentence on page 15: "You could think over those 'how' questions for your first letter's recipient during your morning commute, when you're cooking, when you are on hold with a customer service rep in Mumbai named 'Steve'." That last tidbit was not needed for her point, nor was it funny, and it struck me as a microaggression. Her point could have been made better (and more humorously) with a different, more self-deprecating example.
All in all I like the idea and I like Kho's podcast and I'm glad she wrote the book.
April 20, 2020
This was a good book to help focus my own gratitude journey in letters, as well as to give more concrete advice to my 12th graders who are in the midst of writing similar letters now. I’m not convinced there’s enough here to make a full “book”- much of it is going through the categories of people to whom she wrote letters, but it fit the niche for me.
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January 13, 2020Such a cool idea to write 50 letters of gratitude for your 50th birthday. There are people in your lives who have made a difference or made an impact on you that may not know it. Even those close to you need to hear it. Although I love the concept, the book dragged for me at times.
March 10, 2020
Liked it alot! Especially the mix tape ideas that went with each chapter.
March 23, 2020
I liked the premise of this book, but felt like the author was kind of self-indulgent. Play lists at the end of each chapter? C’mon!
March 26, 2021
So full disclosure: I picked up this book because I’m a big fan of the author’s Midlife Mixtape blog and podcast, not because I felt a desperate, if repressed, need to express gratitude or, in the words of the subtitle, to “cultivate happiness.” Not that I was opposed to expressing gratitude or cultivating happiness—I’m not a monster. Those things just weren’t on my To Do list.
Well, I’m here to tell you that Nancy’s little book has radically re-written that To Do list. Don’t get me wrong, getting a COVID vaccination still holds the top spot. But after finishing the book, I dropped everything and cranked out a note to my long-time and now-retired doctor thanking him for keeping me in good health for over twenty years. I know Nancy says to start the thank you project with your family, but as my grandmother used to say, “Matthew, if you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything!” As with most things, she was so right about that. Anyway, that one got the juices flowing. Additional notes soon followed.
And as one of the few men to write a review here, let me assure my brethren that it’s okay to express gratitude. It’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s not scary. It’s actually quite freeing to express positive emotions. Tears were shed in the reading of this book. Sure, some were tears of laughter since Nancy has an amusing writing style. But because Nancy’s writing is also poignant, some were tears of, well, I’m not quite sure what exactly—aliveness? A sense of connection to the human experiment? Whatever, it felt good to shed those tears. And you may even learn something about yourself in the process. My innocuous little letter to Dr. O. made me realize I’m a bit of a hypochondriac, which coupled with a Type A/controlling personality, probably made me a nightmare patient. But by rarely ever suggesting a course of treatment for anything I presented with, Dr. O. helped teach me a great life lesson: oftentimes, less is more.
Actually, that same truism applies to The Thank-You Project. The simple act of writing a thank-you note, even just a paragraph or two, can do more for your emotional well-being than an exotic spa weekend. Not that they’re mutually exclusive!
Well, I’m here to tell you that Nancy’s little book has radically re-written that To Do list. Don’t get me wrong, getting a COVID vaccination still holds the top spot. But after finishing the book, I dropped everything and cranked out a note to my long-time and now-retired doctor thanking him for keeping me in good health for over twenty years. I know Nancy says to start the thank you project with your family, but as my grandmother used to say, “Matthew, if you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything!” As with most things, she was so right about that. Anyway, that one got the juices flowing. Additional notes soon followed.
And as one of the few men to write a review here, let me assure my brethren that it’s okay to express gratitude. It’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s not scary. It’s actually quite freeing to express positive emotions. Tears were shed in the reading of this book. Sure, some were tears of laughter since Nancy has an amusing writing style. But because Nancy’s writing is also poignant, some were tears of, well, I’m not quite sure what exactly—aliveness? A sense of connection to the human experiment? Whatever, it felt good to shed those tears. And you may even learn something about yourself in the process. My innocuous little letter to Dr. O. made me realize I’m a bit of a hypochondriac, which coupled with a Type A/controlling personality, probably made me a nightmare patient. But by rarely ever suggesting a course of treatment for anything I presented with, Dr. O. helped teach me a great life lesson: oftentimes, less is more.
Actually, that same truism applies to The Thank-You Project. The simple act of writing a thank-you note, even just a paragraph or two, can do more for your emotional well-being than an exotic spa weekend. Not that they’re mutually exclusive!
January 22, 2020
About 25 years ago, I heard a pastor define miracles as being not just those earth-shattering events that occur once in a rare while. He said that miracles are not as extraordinary as we think: that they are, in fact, common and are the norm -- miracles happen every day to each one of us. That really set me thinking, and I still come back to this reminder frequently. Miracles -- and by extension, things to be grateful for -- happen every day.
This worldview (or spiritual view) shifts one's myopia from fault-finding and blame-attributing, or taking things for granted, to a perspective that sees / tries to see the good or silver lining in all circumstances. I'm not talking about saccharin-coating unpleasant incidences to create an artificial sense of hunky dory. I'm saying that even when things are difficult -- if you can grasp the learning experience attached to it (eg. knowing what to avoid next time, setting a higher standard, learning to be more patient, etc.), or if you have received help or kindness as a result of it, et al. -- you can transmute it into an occasion for gratitude, instead of harboring negative emotions.
The author proposes a list of who to be grateful to, naturally, starting with your parents, spouse, children, close friends, and radiating outwards in your social circle. She also talks about being thankful to people who have wronged you, or whom you are no longer in contact with, especially if you learned something from interacting with them. Lastly, she talks about being thankful to inanimate objects, places, and experiences that have shaped you. Admittedly, that did not cross my mind as being the focus of gratitude, but it is true -- I am who I am because of all that has transpired upon me.
* Read for the '2020 Around the Year in 52 Books Challenge' task: A book that fits a prompt from the list of suggestions that didn't win [A book with flowers or greenery on the cover]
This worldview (or spiritual view) shifts one's myopia from fault-finding and blame-attributing, or taking things for granted, to a perspective that sees / tries to see the good or silver lining in all circumstances. I'm not talking about saccharin-coating unpleasant incidences to create an artificial sense of hunky dory. I'm saying that even when things are difficult -- if you can grasp the learning experience attached to it (eg. knowing what to avoid next time, setting a higher standard, learning to be more patient, etc.), or if you have received help or kindness as a result of it, et al. -- you can transmute it into an occasion for gratitude, instead of harboring negative emotions.
The author proposes a list of who to be grateful to, naturally, starting with your parents, spouse, children, close friends, and radiating outwards in your social circle. She also talks about being thankful to people who have wronged you, or whom you are no longer in contact with, especially if you learned something from interacting with them. Lastly, she talks about being thankful to inanimate objects, places, and experiences that have shaped you. Admittedly, that did not cross my mind as being the focus of gratitude, but it is true -- I am who I am because of all that has transpired upon me.
* Read for the '2020 Around the Year in 52 Books Challenge' task: A book that fits a prompt from the list of suggestions that didn't win [A book with flowers or greenery on the cover]
March 19, 2020
The book itself is an easy read and entertaining. The premise is a great idea. Even if the letters are virtual, gratitude is always a good thing. This is a reminder that it’s even better when expressed, and shared.
When I started reading this book, all was well and then we ended up in isolation due to the Coronavirus pandemic. A huge perspective shift. Time is short, life can be short, letters will remain if you’ve written them. If not a letter, st least say thank you to those people who have impacted your life in a meaningful way. Be grateful for your health and your family, your home and your friends.
When I started reading this book, all was well and then we ended up in isolation due to the Coronavirus pandemic. A huge perspective shift. Time is short, life can be short, letters will remain if you’ve written them. If not a letter, st least say thank you to those people who have impacted your life in a meaningful way. Be grateful for your health and your family, your home and your friends.
June 1, 2020
Skimmed. In my own defense of a lovely book: it sat stacked among 30+ books I'd meant to read over Covid-19 quarantine time -- & it was time to read/skim it & move on.
A lovely book, from cover to cover. Nice quotes at the beginning of each chapter, such as this one:
"Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance." =Eckhart Tolle
I like how Kho helps the reader establish their own way for accomplishing their own letters of gratitude, ending, aptly, with a letter of gratitude to oneself. Do yourself a favor & read this, gift it, check it out at your local library. It contains beauty.
A lovely book, from cover to cover. Nice quotes at the beginning of each chapter, such as this one:
"Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance." =Eckhart Tolle
I like how Kho helps the reader establish their own way for accomplishing their own letters of gratitude, ending, aptly, with a letter of gratitude to oneself. Do yourself a favor & read this, gift it, check it out at your local library. It contains beauty.
May 31, 2021
I liked how this book was part how-to, part memoir, part self-help (in a way). The organization of the book was predictable and helpful, well-paced. It certainly has me interested of taking on my own thank you project—even if I don’t intend to send the letters at all.
For a book club consideration: to a point, I see how it could work for a book club discussion. However, it would rely heavily on attendees producing and sharing a lot of content that many may not feel comfortable airing in a group setting or not at all due to the personal nature of some letters. I see it more of a catalyst or foundation for a series of programs or active writing and discussion based on those activities.
For a book club consideration: to a point, I see how it could work for a book club discussion. However, it would rely heavily on attendees producing and sharing a lot of content that many may not feel comfortable airing in a group setting or not at all due to the personal nature of some letters. I see it more of a catalyst or foundation for a series of programs or active writing and discussion based on those activities.
December 28, 2021
So many great ideas in this book: write 50 letters when you turn 50. Write letters to people who don't know what an impact they had on your journey. Write letters to people who died. Write letters to your ex or people that wronged you to tell them how your life has turned out so far. This is different from a gratitude journal in that you will be communicating your life and feelings to others. This story was fun to read because I watch the author learn from this project and I thought about my own personal life's journey. There is Behavioral Science in the story and Life Philosophy in the project. Enjoy
March 2, 2020
I really had difficulty getting through the first chapter of this book. It felt interminable. I'm not sure why. I didn't see the author's plan and wasn't ready for her breezy style yet. But once I forced myself to keep reading (because my daughter had asked me to read the book), I found the rest of the book helpful in giving me ideas for my own writing project. Nancy grew on me, in other words. I will start my thank you project--despite this book and because of this book.
April 13, 2020
This is a wonderful book to get you thinking about all the many people who have influenced your life. It is about sitting down and writing a letter of thanks to those people. I have started the project but not sure how far I will get but I feel very good about what I have written so far. It is a good exercise for you even if you never mail the letters. Also, it is nice to be able to go back and read a copy of what you wrote.
March 15, 2021
I bought this book after reading about this sweet project in The New York Times. I thought it would be more memoir / reflections on her own experience while sending gratitude letters to the people who shaped her life and instead it was more instructional on how to do your own which disappointed me. Nancy is obviously a great writer and I did take away some wisdom before embarking on my own project, but I would've liked to have heard more about the interactions that spurred from hers.
October 2, 2021
This is such a great project to thank the people, places, and pastimes in our lives. It gives us a sense of gratitude and helps others see how meaningful their actions have been in our lives.
The beginning of the book is focused on the letter itself, but the majority of the book is focused on who we should be writing letters to. I appreciated the snippets of letters that Nancy sprinkled throughout the book to detail her complex and diverse relationships with the people she was thanking.
The beginning of the book is focused on the letter itself, but the majority of the book is focused on who we should be writing letters to. I appreciated the snippets of letters that Nancy sprinkled throughout the book to detail her complex and diverse relationships with the people she was thanking.
February 20, 2022
I love this little book of gratitude. Though it was all info that I knew in my head, I hadn't drilled it down into my heart or taken action on it.
We spend too much time thinking about people we are thankful for, but we often let that thought go without uplifting the person who means so much to me.
I will be constantly referring to this book as I start writing my letters of appreciation.
It will sit on my desk where I can see it at all times.
We spend too much time thinking about people we are thankful for, but we often let that thought go without uplifting the person who means so much to me.
I will be constantly referring to this book as I start writing my letters of appreciation.
It will sit on my desk where I can see it at all times.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 79 reviews