Forty Fathers: Men Talk about Parenting

by Tessa Lloyd (Editor), Peter Mansbridge (Foreword)

When Tessa Lloyd’s sons-in-law became fathers, she searched for resources that would help inspire them―especially parenting stories from other fathers. However, that book didn’t seem to exist. As a counsellor for children and families, Lloyd understood the ways a father-child relationship can have a lasting effect through the generations. Seeing a need, Lloyd decided to gather these stories herself. This resulting volume collects the stories and portraits of forty fathers who open up about both their own fathers and their deeply personal parenting experiences. This diverse group includes Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, writer Lawrence Hill, academic Niigaan Sinclair, athlete Trevor Linden, restaurateur Vikram Vij, anthropologist Wade Davis, musician Alan Doyle, artist Robert Bateman and philanthropist Rick Hansen. The contributors reflect on their varied parenting experiences and challenges, including parenting while incarcerated, parenting across cultural barriers, parenting through divorce, parenting while transgender, parenting as a celebrity and parenting with a disability. Many common themes emerge throughout the stories, including the process of overcoming cultural messages that encourage men to be strong, authoritarian and emotionally unavailable. The stories are extraordinarily candid and vulnerable, as the fathers describe their own failings, regrets and childhood traumas, as well as the humbling process of trying to do better. In one anecdote, Dr. Greg Wells describes the experience of meeting another father walking the empty streets at three a.m. with an infant, and how that moment of shared recognition gave him strength at a difficult time. The stories in this book offer a similar glimpse into the shared experiences and trials of fatherhood, but also offer fascinating reflections on the more universal experiences of finding one’s place within a family and striving to be a better person for the sake of others.

Genres: Parenting

320 pages, Hardcover

Published June 21, 2020

Reviews

[Brad · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great parenting book that, refreshingly, is focused primarily on fathers. I appreciate that the author didn't just focus on "perfect" fathers, but included many who by their own admission had made serious mistakes. I wish there had been a better cross section of people included. With 40 different stories from 40 different fathers, there was an opportunity for a lot more variety, but there wasn't. While each story is unique, it gets a bit stale after you read the fifteenth story about a drug or alcohol addicted dad who wishes he had gotten clean sooner and spent more time with his kids.

[Vontel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent book, easy to read, flows well. Each story is only a few pages long, and they all incorporate at least a couple photos of each man & with their children.

Great Christmas or other special occasion gift, perhaps especially for those men contemplating fatherhood, or already imminently going to be living it. Also great for those men who are much farther along in the journey of fatherhood & parenting, even grandparenting.

I'd recommend the book for everyone to read, men & women, even starting in mid-late adolescence. Although these are all stories by men of varying ages, with reflections both on their own fathers & that relationship and then on their own development & experiences of being a parent, by definition many of them have been fathers for a number of years so they can share parenting experiences at different life stages. Chronological age is not necessarily correlated with years of fatherhood, or when they became parents. A few of the men are in their 20's & early 30's; a couple well into their senior years. Some of the men are very well known & in a variety of fields.

I believe the book is also important for women to read, for what many of the stories reveal about the inner emotional lives of men relating to parenthood, even those who may not always share their views, or didn't grow up with fathers(& maybe mothers) who knew how to role model it.

[Yamato · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book.
The forty fathers in this book were so reflective of their own upbringing and their own experiences as a father. Refreshing to hear about so many great people with honest and hard reflection of themselves.

All possibilities were explored from abusive and unstable upbringings to having ideal fathers or male figures as children. Successful and unsuccessful marriages, fathers who replicated their own upbringings to those who intentionally fathered differently. Seeing their own strengths and faults in their children.

Made me think so much about my role as a father to 4 boys. How much I understood my own upbringing. The strengths and generational traits of my own father's values that were instilled in me. My own image and wishes of who I want to be as a father, and watching to see how that reflects into my own son's.

A beautifully written book and one that I hope to leave on my bookshelf to re-read at some point. This is a must read for all fathers!

[Matt Harvey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not exactly what I thought it would be, but really good all the same. A rapid-fire peek into many different lives, and very personal insights into their parenting style, mostly in how it differs from their relationship with their fathers.
I don't know how the author asked the questions of the interviewees, but maybe it isn't a surprise that when asked to talk about parenting many men spend a lot of time reflecting on their own fathers.

Don't come to this book for specific actionable tips for being a father, and more general ideas and pitfalls to inform your approach.

[Sandra Hodgson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Men reflecting on their childhood and relationship with their fathers. And, how those same men see and feel the results in their relationships with their own children. Society rarely allows men an opportunity to express their emotional underpinnings. This was deeply riveting. The forty men profiled are generally well known to the public but they are human and letting the world see it.

[Brent Bowker · Rating 4 out of 5]

For me, a great prompt to think about my role as a father as I prepared to welcome my second child.

[Deb Beachburgmom · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow what an eclectic group of stories from Forty Canadian Fathers, they discuss relationships with their dads and now how they are as a father to their children.....challenges and rewards.
Have hit singers, politicians, artists, activists, bank robber, and so many more.

You can read each little story alone or take in the entire book....I’ve now passed it on to my hubby to read.